Vacation, Please!

I have dealt with my fair share of illness in this household for awhile, but it doesn't seem that it matters, as Makenneh is saying she doesn't feel good again...she is rosy cheeked and tired. I'm afraid that her dinner is going to find it's way out soon! And then we have this issue with her thinking I have to do everything for her. She acts just short of an invalid most of the time. It is getting to me. I know she can wipe her own bottom, pour her own drinks, dress herself, put her own coat on, yet she is always wanting me to do it. she won't even go to the bathroom without me. I don't know what she does at school when im not there....oh wait, yes i do..she does it herself! What a concept. I am out of patience. They have gotten up and left.

Jeremy stayed home from work today, sick as all get out. He has managed to get about 8 hours or more on the xbox in today. That has me a wee irritated as well. Then, for the very brief time that he was not playing video games, meaning i could use the internet, he wanted me to sit and watch a movie with him...oh joy! Fast and furious,, tokyo drift. You gotta know i just love that movie enough to watch it a million times.

I have two sinks heaped with dirty dishes from the mess they all made cooking big ol meals on sunday while i was in bed sick. I haven't tackled them yet bc my period this month is killing me. I have no energy and cramps that are about as bad as labor contractions. I prefer to spend my time curled in a fetal position on the couch. But, being a woman and all, that isn't allowed. There are kids to chase, messes to clean, laundry to wash and so on.

Yes, i have run out of pills...do not want to haul two kids to sit hours on end at the doctor's office to get a refill, and just got a paper in mail today that my insurance is canceled, which means, i will not have the pills until that gets straightened around.

I am sure that if one more thing goes wrong, im going to go over the deep end. I guess i should stop complaining now and go lock myself in my bedroom...i shall take my alarm clock radio in there with me that i just got as a gift and turn it up as loud as possible to drown out the whining and crying and fighting and carrying on that is going on out here!

Oh My

The bug didn't stop with Makenneh. Seb ended up throwing up Sat night and then had diarhea all day sunday....as did Makenneh. I ended up buying pull ups for Makenneh bc she just couldn't always make it to the bathroom in time and dirtied all of her undies in a matter of less than 24 hours. She keeps reminded us that she is a big girl. Hoepfully the pull ups don't set her back on the potty training.

I ended up sick as heck yesterday too. I slept most of the day, on and off. I still feel it today. Of course, to top this flu bug off, i started my period and have all that yucky feeling too. Just can't win, i suppose. Poor lil Makenneh fell asleep yesterday around 330pm and slept until 630am. i had to keep checking on her. I was worried about her. And then Sebastian just stayed right at my side all day. He didn't want me out of his sight...hell, he didn't want me out of his reach. He is still being that way today. Although, today he has already ventured so far as to snatch up a marker and eat it...making his lips and teeth and tongue black. That's more than he did yesterday. That's how i knew he was sick...he wasn't even interested in getting into mischief.

I threatened jeremy that i was going to shut the heat off, open this place up and let it drop to 32 degrees F and kill off any and all bugs that might be lingering in here. LOL. I don't want to be sick anymore. THis is the most miserable i have been since my gall bladder attacks..and I have had enough of it.

Makenneh is getting so big and grown up. She has been good far more than she has been bad this past week. She has been very helpful and even tries to teach brother things. like right now, he wants up here and he is hitting me to try to get what he wants. she just told him that he can't hit mom, he has to say UP. Of course, he isn't listening to his lesson. Why is it that kids feel the need to "hit" you to get your attention...ya know..the ol.."Mmoooommmm" while they are hitting your arm or side or whatever. Where do they get that idea from...grrrr.

Well, time to wrap this up and head to the bathroom again! I sure hope this stuff goes away soon!

What gives?

Seriously...I got the kids up yesterday and was getting ready for my 11am shift at work and low and behold..Makenneh throws up! So, thinking (ok really just hoping) that it's probably just from the phlegm, i continue to get us ready. Well, we get to my aunt's and before I could get out the door...Makenneh throws up all over the place. So, we get that cleaned up and then it was back to back trips to the bathroom, putting clean undies on each time..until i ran out of clean undies...i was trapped bc i couldn't just leave my aunts to bring her home...she would never make the 15 mins drive without an accident. I called into work, not wanting to leave my aunt to clean up messes all day like that and after about 45 mins of her running back and forth to the bathroom, i felt safe enough to attempt the trip home. I got her home and she continued to get sick for most of the day. This morning, she woke up and was fine...she slept through the night without incident so i really thought we were done. I had some shopping to finish up for the Christmas party we have tomorrow and so off we set. (jeremy was working so i had to take kids). Well, we get inside the store and Makenneh says she has to go potty. Get her in there and she had had an accident (of the smelly sort) in her pants...so undies in the garbage, we set back off to shop...i did quick shopping and we had to use the bathroom 3 times. Ugh! Needless to say, one person i had to buy for got a gift card. I was all done with that shopping trip. The good thing is, the kids did get thier pics taken with Santa for Free! That was nice...although Seb wanted nothing to do with santa, so i had to sit on santa's lap too! I will upload the pics later.

We have the Christmas party for my dad's side of the family tonight.. I can't wait! Good thing it's only 3 hours away. And i have lots of things i need to be doing, rather than sitting here in front of this computer...like making my dish to pass, rounding up the gifts we have to take, packing the diaper bag, getting myself and Makenneh ready (Seb is with daddy...they ran to Uncle Mike's).

So, i guess, i will get off here, get started on some things i need to get done and ill be back to post pics sometime soon!

A - Available or single: Married! :)
B - Best Friend: Stacy and Tiffney
C - Cake or Pie: Cake
D - Drink of choice: Coke
E - Essential Item you use everyday: my contacts
F-Favorite color: I don't know..it was lavendar..but i also like so many other colors!
G - Gummy Bears or worms: niether
H - Hometown: Clio
I - Indulgence: computer
J - January or February: Have to agree with Julieq..Feb..closer to spring
K - Kids & Names: Makenneh Mae Dawn, Sebastian William Paul
L -Life is Incomplete Without? My Family
M - Marriage Date: May 22, 2004
N - Number of Siblings: One brother and one sister, both younger than me
O - Oranges or Apples: Apples
P - Phobias or Fears: I don't have any phobias really, but i am kind of afraid of the dark when im alone
Q - Fave Quote: Love is friendship set on fire; You can't see where you're going if you're always looking back are two that come to mind
R - Reason to Smile: My kids
S - Season: Spring. I love when everything comes to life and the darn snow melts away!
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Stacy, Anna..really they are the only ones who read me that haven't been tagged
U - Unknown Fact about Me: gee, i tend to be an open book, so i can't think of anything (of importance anyway) that nobody knows (that i would be willing to share here that is...lol)
V- Vegetable You Don't Like: peas aren't my favorite..i can choke them down and i do eat them in salads and such, but don't care to eat them by themselves.
W - Worst Habit: smoking...but julie, i do chew on my cheek too!!!!!
X-Rays? just for muy teeth!
Y - Your Fave Food: mexican
Z - Zodiac Sign: leo

Is it over yet?

Look at that attitude! I told her she could stand in front of the tree and when i asked her to smile, that's the pose i got!!!

DAddy took this picture, bc he thought it was just too cute! It was a night i was working. The bear she is holding is one from when he was a kid!!!

This is a picture of the tree, although it came out blurry. I decided tonight that i need a new digital camera! I just got this one last year, and opted for a cheap one...but i now i see why i need a better one!

And here is a pic of my little chef! I walked away for a second and he had a chair scooched up to the counter, spatula in hand and was turning the sausage links. I was right there, and they were on low..but after the initial fear...i thought it was quite cute!
And of course, the pic is blurry...grrr!


And now to my post......

The day that is. Geesh! Sebastian has spent the better part of the past hour crying. He is fighting sleep and wants no part of it. He just quieted down. Makenneh is on the couch watching Narnia.

Im in a sort of pickle at the moment. A lady at work wanted to me to cover her shift for her tomorrow from 10-7. She had asked me a week ago. well, I got the paper from the teacher yesterday and my parent teacher conference is tomorrow at 3. Right smack dab in the middle of my shift. These conferences are a requirement for Headstart because it is a state-funded program. I tried calling work today to see if i could work a 10-3 shift or if someone else could just take the shift all together. Well, i was told that i had to talk to my assistant manager...well that's all fine and good, except today was her day off. So, i have no idea what to do. I can't wait til the last minute to arrange a sitter and all and i tried to get it taken care of, but the Customer service Supervisor (my immidiate sup) said she couldn't handle the situation. Grrrrr.

Anway, we finally got our tree decorated today. Makenneh did a lot of it and it looks just marvelous. Even with the bare spots here and there and clusters of ornaments in other places...lol. Sebastian doesn't want to leave it alone either..he thinks the bulbs are freakin balls and wants to take them and throw them. Thankfully, most of the ornaments at the bottom are all nonbreakable. Most of them are ones that i couldn't care less about it.

Of course, with getting out the Christmas decorations, comes the Christmas Stocking issue. I ended up in tears again this year. My aunt Dawn made all the nieces and nephews this huge stockings for Christmas. Well, she passed away when i pg for Sebastian and had started his but never finished it. My aunt Kathy does have the started stocking, but nobody has finished it yet. I really would love for it to be finished. It makes me so sad that he doesn't have a stocking. I bought him one today that was pretty big (and only a dollar at the dollar store) to use this year. Last year, i had his first Christmas stocking, so it was no big deal. I wish i would have taken the time to learn how to make those stockings, then i could have finished it myself. I just never really had the patience for crocheting. I tried learning and i do have the basics down, but can't do anything like all the projects my aunts and mom can do.

Well, i took some pics today and had some on my memory card from november...so i will post them!

I have some News to share.....

I'm going to be an aunt! My brother's girlfriend is pregnant! They just found out Friday! Of course, Carrie's stepson is technically my first nephew...but this will be my first blood niece/nephew! My brother is pretty excited. He tells everyone that he is going to be a dad! it seems so weird in a way. LOL. I kinda hope they have a boy, bc then Sebastian would have a boy cousin close to his age...as Seb will only be 2 when the baby is born. And that brings to this....She is tentatively due August 4th. My bday is August 11th. Of course, we have several bdays in early August...A. Bev, A. Jean, Ralph just off the top of my head. Theirs are all before mine.

It looks like we are going to have an eventful summer/fall in 07. Carrie and Ralph are getting married in July, Sara is due for baby number 1 in Aug. and our cousin, Shannon is getting married in September. Oh and lets not forget the numerous Seniors we have graduating high school this year meaning several open houses to attend in June. Oh, and a cousin/friend (she is like a 3rd cousin, technically) is getting married in June, too. Wow! Talk about breaking the bank. I better start saving for all that stuff now!

Oh and something cute...Tonight Sara called me about dinner (we often eat dinner together) and when I hung up, Jeremy asked who it was. I told him it was Sara. Kenneh asked if it was her cousin Sarah and we said no, Aunt Sara. She said, "Oh and Uncle Matt." We said, yes. She comes back with, "my uncle says bad words." just as nonchalantly as possible. It was hilarious. Jeremy busted a gut laughing and she was like, " Daddy why are you laughing?" He said, bc you are too cute, kid! It was so cute. She said that because her and Sara will gang up and tease matt and he teases back...You're a chicken...so you are a bull frog that can't ribbit...etc, etc. Well, everytime they do this, she insists he is saying bad words when he isn't. But, i had to call matt right away to tell him..he got a kick out of it. He said great, the next time i take her or pick up from school, her teacher is gonna be like, "we need to talk." LOL. You know little kids tell their teachers half truths (and some full truths) of everything! One of my mom's cousins is an elementary teacher and she told us one time that if parents knew half the stuff thier kids told the teacher, they would never face the teacher for parent-teacher conferences. LOL. One girl told Deanna that daddy was out of town so mommy's boyfriend is staying the night. These are like 1st and 2nd graders. They are so darn innocent!

And once again, Im going to request that all of you say prayers/send good thoughts, whatever your beliefs are...One of Stacy's twin girls, Kierstyn (sorry if i spelled it wrong, Stacy) has a hole in her heart that will require operation. Please pray for her health and full recovery. Also pray for Jon and Stacy's strength to get through this, as i know it has to be very emotional for them! Stacy's mother in law told me the other day that they are waiting up to a couple months for her to get a little big bigger. Stacy, correct me if any of this information is wrong. And Stacy, I also wanted to tell you that while Jon's mom was telling me this while I was at walmart (I see her there quite a bit), a customer was in my line and heard. She inquired about it a little bit and i told her the gist of it and she said she will pray for all of you, too! I just thought that was so touching that a complete stranger would be so thoughtful.

Speaking of Walmart, I belong to an opinion network thing...Knowledge Networks. I had a survery today about Walmart...lol. A bit bias opinions im sure. It has to do with thier possible new tagline for marketing/advertising. I thought it was kinda neat that i get a "vote" so to speak, on the new slogan...lol. Companies, politicians, etc use the information gathered by KN in marketing, advertising, decision making, and all around satisfying the customer. And the cool thing is, i make a little extra cash for doing it. You only get one dollar for every 1000 points but still, it adds up. You can redeem your points for entries into drawing or save it up and redeem for cash (as long as you have 25000 pts or more). I am almost there to getting my 25.00. Of course, i redeemed 1000 pts to enter a drawing for a $150 visa gift card....so now im at like 22500. YOu get at least 1000 per survey, sometimes more. And i figured, i spend enough time online anyway, may as well make a few dollars while sitting here, otherwise wasting time. And the surveys are usually pretty short.

WE finally put the Christmas tree up tonight, but still have to put the lights and decorations on it. I will probably do the lights tomorrow, while he is at work and then when he gets home, we can decorate it. We all helped in putting the tree up...even little Sebastian. it was fun! Sebastian wasn't sure about touching the tree though, as it is a different texture. And I just wish you guys could all see the facial expressions this kid makes. They are quite hilarious. But it's almost impossible to capture by camera, as they change so fast. I need a video cam to get it..and even then..i would have to keep it handy at all times to catch it. I so wish i could bottle them up, along with his belly laughter and save them for times when he is being a stinker, which seems to be more often than not these days. we are heading into terrible twos. And I have to say, I am quite sad to think about my baby turning 2. I want to freeze time. He is the last one. There will be no more. NO more bottles, no more newborn smell, no more little receiving blankets wrapped tightly around a bundle of baby. I just have to remember that now it's time for my siblings to have babies..as they have now started doing...and I can cuddle and enjoy that newborn stage and send them home to keep mommy and daddy up all night. I can hold and love and kiss on them and not have to change dirty diapers, deal with colic...none of that dirty work....lol.

Well, i need to get to bed..i have been so tired lately. Not getting enough sleep at night and it's just not something you can ever catch up on and even if you could, it's impossible with little ones running around.

exhaustion

I ended up working over tonight. And the day flew by as we were so busy..i had nonstop customers the whole time i was at work. I didn't get my last break til like 10:05 and i was supposed to be out at 10! But, there were reasons for that...4 ladies, with several carts full of groceries....and two different bridge cards, one of which didn't go through, meaning I had to void over 200.00 worth of groceries, one at a freakin time. i was livid. Why didn't that lady call and make sure her benefits were available on the card before buying so many damn groceries? I ended up with 2 full carts of groceries to return. That is rediculous! I spent a good amount of time with them, as i had to first ring up all those groceries, then void most of them off. Grrrr! To top that off, i get home at about 1230 and Jeremy and Makenneh are both still up! WTF.,..and Makenneh is still up. I am ready to drop and she wants to play her Elmo game on the computer. Im hoping she crashes out soon. Where do they get their energy from? I need some! I got home and checked my schedule adn i have to be back to work at 9am. IF i would have known that earlier, i wouldn't have volunteered to stay after...but oh well, its sunday, i make an extra dollar an hour on sunday, so it was worth it i suppose!

Well, i am making this short tonight bc my back hurts and i just want to lay down...night all!

I don't want to switch right now

Blogger keeps asking me to try the new beta version. Im just not sure i want to and i think i read that once you switch you can't switch back. so, im leary of making the big switch.

Anyway, i have the day off today. haven't done much of anything. i took a shower...lol. I slept in til 11am..that felt great! But of course, makes the day fly right on by when ya do that. I work tomorrow from 2-10.

After staring at one of the bold headings on the new issue of Cosmopolitan, Naughty Sex, I finally had to buy a copy last night after work. LOL. i must say, i was somewhat dissappointed. It had some "new" positions in there. Don't think any of them will look too sexy if i attempted to try them, though. LOL. Something about trying to do it in a doorway, with one leg up, yada yada, just doesn't paint a pretty picture when i think about it. And i don't usually buy magazines and i was reminded why...they are mostly filled with stupid ads. Why do i want to pay money to look at ads for things to spend more money on? And all those hot items...ahhahha..not for this pocket book! And speaking of magazines..i recently started receiving the nick jr mags. yeah, i know, from one extreme to the other, huh? Anyway, the first issue thanked me for my order and had a deal where i could extend the subscription at a huge discount! All fine and well, but umm, i never ordered any magazines. Where did it come from? Tis a mystery. Sometimes i think they do this to get ppl hooked on them and to subscribe. i remember my aunt dawn telling me about getting mags that she hadn't ordered either and there was never a bill. Same thing happened to my mom. Im telling ya its a gimmick. But a free gimmick if you don't give in to their offers of great discounts on an extended subscription. So, ill enjoy the nick jr mags while they come but they aren't getting any of my money. Ok, who knows. makenneh really enjoys the noodle pull out for the kids.

Next weekend starts all the holiday festivities. Saturday is the Christmas party for my dad's side. Then sunday is jeremy's dad's side. Woohoo. I may not get to go to jeremy's sides...darn. i have to work 7a-3 and the party is at 1. Fine by me. They wait til the last min to decide things and i work retail. not always feasable to get a weekend day off at last minute. Oh well, such is life. Maybe ill just come home after work and enjoy a few hours of time to MYSELF! All by myself. Just me, myself and I. That sounds like the best gift ever, huh?

Jeremy bought Over the Hedge Dvd today at a pawn shop or maybe it was the flea market up the road...anyway, he got like 5 movies for a total of 20.00. That's what you would pay for just the over the hedge at a store.

Well, im off here to do something while Seb is napping.

Before I go to bed

I thought I would blog a minute. I really have a few things i could rant and rave about...but i need to be to bed...gotta work at 7am! So perhaps i will save those for another time. Whew, you dodged the bullets that time, huh!

Well, one thing i will rave about is Harold. I am done just referring to him as my uncle or my cousin's dad or my late aunt's husband. He isn't a dad by any means and he was a lousy ass husband. So, he is just harold from here on out. And before I spill it out, God, forgive me for the way this man makes me cringe and sick and full of anger. Many of you probably remember the posts about how my aunt Dawn passed away 2 novembers ago and left my 10 yr old cousin, Des. Well, my aunt michelle now has legal custody of her. harold can see her whenever he wants, he just chooses not to. When he does spend time with her, its to take her to fast food or just something quick. she isn't allowed at his house bc the wicked wife won't allow it. For her bday which was oct 27, she wanted a bike more than anything. He bought her some cheap ass game. The twins (wicked wife's kids) got bikes from them for bdays. WTF?! Most of the time he doesn't answer her calls or cuts her real short. he never has time for her. he is a useless piece of shit and may he rot in the firey pits of hell for all the hell he has made here on earth for my aunt and my cousin! How do you explain to an 11 yr old that her dad just doesn't care about her? That he is a loser and stupid and selfish and useless and all out a waste of life? You can't! You have to grin and bear it, watch her get hopes up only to have them shattered. YOu watch her try so desperately to gain his approval, only to fall short. She got kicked out of school bc she is acting up. The principal told her, "I know you want your dad's attention, but this is not the way to go about it." That is so sad, that even the principal, at a new school, can see the damage he does to this child. I think my aunt michelle needs to just say enough is enough. Oh and get this...bc she got kicked out of school, harold tells her that if she acts up again, he won't come see her! WTF.,.,.i would never tell my child, hey if you act up, you wont be able to see me. Just bc he is a non custodial parent doesn't mean he can use visitations as a weapon to get her to behave. Try spending time with her. Try putting her before that wicked wife and her kids. Try showing that you actually give a damn! Just try. I dare ya! He makes my skin crawl. He makes my stomach twist! He is disgusting. I have never met a more disgusting human being in my life. ANd i pray i never meet another. unfortunately, i know there are more harolds out there. There are even bigger monsters, but i have not had to deal with them and their actions. And yeah, i guess i am filled with anger towards him. But, growing up, i looked up to him. I spent a lot of my time with my aunt and him. I wanted to live with them. They were like 2nd parents to me. And i feel betrayed as well. I feel like he has let me down. I guess i just hoped and thought he was a better person. I thought he was a man. A real man wouldn't do these horrible things to their child. He has basically made her an orphan. and all for the sake of a piece of ass. i don't get it. yeah, sex is great, but damn, you can get sex any time without having to shut your child out of your life, basically kick her out of her home.

Ok, i must end this rant. It is raising my blood pressure for sure. I am about 2 seconds from having smoke blowing out my ears and my eyes turning red with rage. Therapy = I need to confront him about this. I need to tell him what a dirtbag he is. I would feel better. I would get it off my chest and be done with it. *pencils in time for confrontation with a monster*

Deep breath...in through nose, out through mouth...and again! repeat 10 times! oooh saaaaah~!

Blogging is so theurapeutic (not so sure i spelled that one right). I can vent, rage, rant, laugh, cry...whatever. get it out!

Well, 530am is gonna come oh so early. I hate mornings...have i never mentioned that before? LOL. The plus is, i will be up and probably out of the house before either kid wakes up. That is wonderful..i may actually get to shower by myself...shhhhh! And I will have no fits when i put my shoes on to leave. No little one shutting the door as if to say i cannot leave and he will see to it. I can pretend all is well and saunter out the door leisurely to my job..where the only children screaming and throwing fits are those belonging to someone else...who will eventually pay and leave the store! i don't hardly notice those fits anymore...i just tune them out. I feel for the parents sometimes....bc i know what it's like. If they are in my line, i try to calm the child with something silly said or sometimes, i say, "no crying allowed in my line/store, etc." Sometimes it works, sometimes they look at me like ive lost my mind. I have. But that's besides the point.

Ok, really off to bed now!!!! Good night to all in blogland!

What a surprise!

We had a foreign exchange student in the 96-97 school year, from Germany. She has come back to visit since and we had lost touch after mom shut our house phone off and switched to cell phones. well, Nicki has been trying to find us and has been looking up numbers. She finally found one listing for my aunt Bev. She called her and was able to get mom's cell number! So, she called mom tonight! Mom was so excited. she also got my email address from mom and already emailed me a short note and a couple pics. I haven't really been able to talk to mom since the phone call, bc she has company now, but im dying to find out what all nicki said. I hope she is gonna try to come visit soon! She also said she is gonna try to find Stacy on the army base there in Germany! So, Stacy, expect an unexpected visitor some time! LOL!

I am woman...

hear me roar!!!! LOL. Our washer has been unlevel since it was put there! As a result, the damn thing never wants to spin out without buzzing loudly, screaming for me to come manually balance the clothes. This irritates me bc every load spins a couple of times and well, it becomes monotonous to rearrange soaking wet, cold clothes at least twice every load. I wasn't able to do laundry at night, for fear that the buzzing would wake the sleeping bears. Well, seems how we just brought in the other dryer, i told hubby not to put it in until we fixed the washer. Well, he woke up sick early this morning and so he is sleeping right now...i need to get laundry going bc we have dirtied so much laundry with this flu bug, it's not even funny. So, i decided to level the ol' washer all by myself. And i succeeded. I pulled the ol level out of the closet, got the board from the porch and me and my muscle (LOL) leveled that washer. i am now washing a load of clothes and it is relatively quiet. As quiet as a 20 yr old machine can be, anyway. ANd it's not screaming at me to balance the clothes. I'm loving it. And furthermore, i am drying clothes, bc i had my cousin, who stayed the night last night, help me get it plugged in. the cord is so rediculously short that you had to climb behind the dryer, plug it in, then climb up over the washer and out. Not something my large body is gonna be doing. I woulda been stuck and i can see it now! Fat lady trapped behind dryer! I still need to get a piece to put in the front left side of the washer, as it needs a bit of support, but the washer is still working. I shall seek out a piece today to finish it off. I love that i can do these kinda things, if i really have to. Who needs a man? LOL.

I have so much cleaning to get done around here. The kitchen needs cleaned out, so we can put our living room chair out there to make room for the tree. I also need to clean out our bedroom so we can hide Christmas gifts. Ugh, i dread it. Im not on the schedule this week for work, bc I was on my leave when this weeks schedule was generated. I can call up there and be put on, but im kinda thinking, it may be good to take the time to get things done around here. not to mention, we are all still suffering with this bug and it would give us time to get over it, hopefully. Poor Makenneh said last night that she wanted to see her teachers. She missed all last week. i didn't make a deal about it. in fact, i never told her she was missing school. But, she missed going, for sure.

Well, im off here to get some stuff done. Oh how i don't want to deal with my bedroom. it is so disastrous.

When will this bug go away?!

We are all still feeling a bit blah! I just wish it would go away...i am sick of feeling sick and so tired. And im sick of cleaning up bodily excretions from the kids.

But, we have had beautiful weather the last few days and for that, I am so glad. I can open the window or door and let some fresh air circulate through this virally infected household. Of course, this constant change in weather does nothing for the body but make us sick..the temps are sure to drop drastically again soon!

OOOH, and I finally got another dryer today! I have never been so excited to do laundry. I can't wait for hubby to get it all hooked up. With all of us being sick, specifically the kids, I can't keep blankets and towels clean for anything. And the laundromat is a killer on the pocketbook. Not to mention, who wants to haul laundry when ur feeling like absolute crap and it takes all of your energy just to lift your head?

I am starting to get excited about Christmas. Mostly because i have begun shopping and because we will have enough money to not have to struggle so bad through it. of course there are so many things i would love to get them, but have to draw a line somewhere...for monetary reasons as well as lack of room for all those things.

Makenneh got her first real hair cut yesterday. We had a great outing, just us 2! We went to walmart, got a few gifts and then I got her hair cut. This is the first time she has had her hair cut, aside from a couple little trims I have given her. She did so good. The only thing was when her bangs had to be combed down into her face, causing her to have to keep her eyes closed. She said she wanted to see me. I got her to settle for holding my hand instead. I was sorta bad, bc I didn't save a piece of her hair or take pictures, but it wasn't a planned thing. IT was something that needed to be done and we had the time and i had the extra money. I did save her hair both times i had trimmed it and i had also taken pictures then. So, that will have to do. Maybe tomorrow I will take some pics of her with her new hair cut. It was a subtle cut..just trimmed up and then her sides are cut to kinda flow into the back if that makes sense.

On a sad note, I found out today that one of my cousins hung himself last night. That is just so sad. I don't think I had ever met him but it is still so sad. His wife was the one who found him in the garage. I can't imagine what she had to go through, in finding him like that. One thing i think that makes suicide so much more difficult to deal with is the ones close to him always wonder what they could have done to change things. They always wonder, what if...

I also found out today that a friend of the family had his house burn down wednesday night. I found all this out before noon today.

Btwn this news and the news of my previous co-workers who just lost their baby, i realized that I do have so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful that my kids are hell on wheels. I am thankful for having to chase them out of everything and stay on top of them. I am thankful that they are loud, strong-willed and hell-bent. The alternatives are too sad to think about. I am thankful for this crappy place to live. It isn't special, but it is home and it is shelter. It is far more than some people have. I'm thankful that I haven't ever had to know, nor will I ever have to know what it is like to be truly homeless, thanks to a loving and supportive family that would take me in, if need be. I am thankful for my ability to see through the darkness and find the light. I'm thankful that i have never had to feel so desperate and alone that death seemed my only way out. I am thankful that no matter how down i get, I always know that better times are ahead. Everything always works itself out (Thank you dear Lord). I'm thankful for my faith. While I may not go to church on Sundays, or even read the Bible much at all, I do know that there is a God and that He sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins. I know that He walks beside me and carries me through the darkest parts of my life. I know that He will never leave me alone. I also know that He has prepared a place for me and when my time on earth is up, He will call for me. I will enter His kingdom and spend eternity with Him. I'm thankful for my parents. While they may be perfect (who is?), they love me unconditionally and have saw me through some rough times. They are always there for me and I have learned a lot from them...some that they directly taught and others that I learned from their actions. I am thankful for all the things that I have, because while they may not be the best, it may not be much, it is so much more than some people have. I remind myself often that when I think I have it bad, there is always someone who has it worse.

As the holidays approach, I hope everyone remembers those less fortunate and does something, large or small to help make a difference. We have Christmas trees at work that have little paper ornaments on them. on the ornaments are items written down that children have requested for Christmas from less fortunate families. I have mulled over the idea of taking one, as I always used to do this...even in my teens. After having kids and struggling a bit myself, I wasn't able to a couple times and it really bothers me. i feel that it is important to do something, small as it may be. And if by me making a small sacrafice so a child can have a gift under the tree on Christmas morning, then it's worth it. Some say there is no such thing as Santa, but I believe he lives in each one us. In our willingness to do something to make the holidays a bit brighter for even one person. I decided that my kids will get plenty for Christmas. WE have lots of family that will be buying for them as well as us. I will take an ornament from the tree, because, if i don't I will not have as Merry of a Christmas as I could have. The perfect Christmas for me, would be one in which i had the means to provide Christmas for several families in need. I would love nothing more than to go around on Christmas eve and drop bags of gifts off on the porch of families in need. I wouldn't need any recognition for this...for the reward would be the complete feeling of satisfaction within me. the feeling that I made a difference. When I was younger, i used to tell my mom to take one of my gifts and donate it. I plan to instill this same thing in my own kids. I really think that you do get what you give. Maybe not in the same way. But, I have been bailed out, if you will, in hard times and sometimes it came down to wire before someone/something came through...but it always came through. And i feel that's the "coming back around part."

Ok, Ill leave you all with that thought. Even if it's just taking a tray of homemade goodies to the little old lady down the road....do something nice for someone this holiday season!

Busy we...

Were not! At least not like Julie described in her comment to my last post. The ppl were mostly decent and because we are located in a suburban area, we didn't get as high of traffic. Most ppl, IM sure headed into Flint, where they could hit several stores in one small area...kmart, walmart, target, the mall, circuit city, etc. We also had every register open, including those in electronics. So, it spread the customers out. Our store also kept the 5-11am sales going and will continue to do so until all merchandise is sold out. So, i thought that was cool of them. You can go in there now and get most of the stuff that was on the early bird special. I had my mom come in and get a few things for me...like the Vsmile for my kids for $30 and a couple barbies and a Little People play set for $10 for Sebastian. All cashiers that came in at 430am got out early today, bc it was slow enough that we didn't need every register open. I was rather glad, bc i was able to do some more shopping.


I don't know what the celebration is all about, but fireworks are going off like it was the Fourth of July!

That sums up my day....except I have to share this...I came home and was put in a "bad" mood. I walked into the kitchen and my oven front was missing....shattered into pieces, that had been swept up and put into a box. Our front of our oven door was made of tempered glass. jeremy got mad at Makenneh and decided to shove the chair which hit the oven and shattered. I was not happy. I didn't go off like a raging lunatic (thank the pills for that). But, i instead sulked more or less while i mulled thoughts over in my head...feeling like i could cry, but no tears came. I hate that about him. He has a bad temper and takes it out on things like that. Which is better than taking it out on people, but it still upsets me bc, A) I hate that he can allow himself to get that mad, B) he can't control his temper, C)i get sick of stuff getting broken around here bc he flies off the handle. I sat silently in the chair and he said, "Christina, don't get grumpy." I told him i wasn't. Which was true. It was grumpiness i was feeling. I told him that I am not going to have my stuff get ruined all the time just because he can't control his temper. I told him i refuse to live that way. He told me that he will work on it. I said, you better do better than just work on it. My job as a parent is to protect my kids and that's what i will do. Then, after a few mins, i went to my bedroom to be by myself. he came in after about 10 mins and climbed in the bed and snuggled up to me and apologized. I didn't say anything, bc the typical response to an apology is, "it's ok" but it's not ok. He said that he knows that what he did was wrong and he will work on it. I told him that it's not enough to just work on it. It can't happen again. I said, i hate feeling like i can't leave you with the kids for any length of time bc you lose your temper. I said that just isn't good. i told him he needs to give himself a time out when he is feeling that mad. I can' t remember exactly how i worded it, but i more or less told him that if it happens again, i will be forced to make a big decision for the sake of the kids. It's not that i think he would ever hurt the kids...it's that i don't like them exposed to that kind of rage. He has never hit me or pushed me or anything of that sort (or he wouldn't be here, you can count on that), it's just this anger issue. When he told me that she was p;issing him off, so he did that, i asked him what it accomplished. Silence. it couldn't have accomplished anything positive.

So, on to something else, before i get back in a funk.

He did pick up the house and even did some dishes. I know, hold on to your butt, bc that rarely happens. Maybe he felt bad for what he did. I dunno. He is also making dinner. I won't mention that it's just Marie Calander's Lasagna from a box....i don't have to cook, i don't care.

Seb woke up covered in poo this morning. Thankfully, i wasn't here to have to clean it this time. Makenneh is fine now, other than a horrendous cough. Seb still has a lot of phlegm and the diarrhea.

Yeah, that was a good topic, huh?

so, the oven is beeping, dinner must be done or near done....later for now

That's better

Well, I am feeling better this morning. I did go to work yesterday, stayed for about an hour and left. I had chills, but sweating profusely and just felt nauseous. Jeremy's aunt insisted we come over for dinner, so we checked with the rest of the guests, and they were all ok with it, so we went. I did eat....it's so hard to resist a good holiday meal. I went to the bathroom a couple times but then was ok. I still felt a bit yucky, but not as bad. I woke up this morning feeling much better. My stomach is a tad bit upset, but nothing i can't handle.

I will be leaving for work in just a few shorts minutes. It is going to be one crazy day today. I hope it goes by fast.

Well, im off for now! Wish me luck on this crazy shopping day..the busiest of the year!

Early to bed...

I started feeling quite sick last night, so i went to bed early. That's why i was up just before 7am without any kids waking me up. My stomach is churning and I've already made a few trips to the bathroom. I have to go to work. I can't imagine they would appreciate a call in on a holiday. I figure though that if it is real bad, i will go in, they will see how sick i am and send me home. i hate to take pepto bismal or anything of that sort, bc if its a bug, it needs to come out so i can get over it.

I feel so completely exhausted as well. Im sure it goes with this bug we have.

Well, im off to lay back down. Kenneh just came and told me her tummy hurts too...so we are gonna go snuggle in the bed. hopefully I feel better when i wake up.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

It's gonna be a long night...

Well, I finally decided to try to get some sleep and no sooner fell into a good sleep only to be woken up by Makenneh crying again. She had puked again. This time wasn't so bad and easy to clean up which is a good thing bc she didn't even hardly wake up. She is sooo exhausted. I got her cleaned up and new blankets and got on here for a bit to be sure she was gonna be ok and just as i was considering going back to sleep, Sebastian started coughing hard, crying...and went in to find him sitting in his crib with puke all over him. So, i had to get him in the tub and then clean up his crib. He is still up, on the loveseat, watching Barney. It's looking like I won't be making it into work. These poor babies. We are running out of bedding and towels, real fast. And i don't have a dryer! This could get real interesting.

I was talking to my friend Stacy about Jen and losing her baby. Come to find out, she is friend's with josh's sister. So, she was able to fill me in on more details. Come to find out, jen even had complications from delivery and lost a lot of blood. They kept her an extra night to be sure she would be ok. And the baby was born at 930pm and passed away in the night. So, he wasn't still born. he was born a month early but also had other complications bc his skull wasn't formed right. They were aware of this problem during the pregnancy, early on, but jen opted to continue with the pregnancy. Bless her heart. I just know they must be so hurt right now.
On a positive note, if there is such a thing when discussing death, the funeral home here in town offers free funerals for babies one and under. They provide a casket, the funeral service and all of it...Stacy had her son's funeral there and she even got a framed poem, candles with Bryce's name inscribed on them and all free. That is so incredible that they do this. The only thing the parents have to pay for is the obituary and that's because the newspaper handles them. One of the cemetaries also provides free burial in their lullabye land.

it's definitely a tear jerker. And i sit here, up all night with sick kids and can't help but be thankful that i have two healthy (aside from this flu bug) kids that are keeping me up all night. I look at Sebastian, with his big, bright blue eyes and can't help but feel a pain for those parents who have lost a baby. It really puts life into perspective.

Well, I am going to go snuggle up to my little guy and hope he can get some sleep and that the puke bug leaves this house very soon! I can't stand for my babies to be sick.

I was sleeping...

But i woke up to Makenneh crying....in a sick way....i looked over at her and she was covered in puke. Her poor face was just plastered. She had wanted to sleep with me last night and was complaining of not feeling good...so we settled for me sleeping on couch and she was on the floor. Im glad now that i was near her. I was wiping her up and she says, btwn tears, "thanks for doing this for me mom!" She melted my heart. She has been very good with showing a lot of appreciation. I told her that i am her mommy and my job is to take care of her and that's what ill do. I got her wiped up best I could and called for jeremy who surprised me..he heard my 2nd call and when i asked for help he got right up and started the bath for kenneh. She couldn't even open her eyes bc they were covered in puke and i think she tried and got puke in them, making them hurt. It was just so awful. She is now fresh and clean and in clean jammies, snuggled on the couch. i don't know if im gonna be able to go back to sleep. I always fear the kids choking on their vomit, during sleep. IM supposed to be to work at 7am in the morning, but not sure what to do. My mom was gonna babysit, but i really don't want to expose her to flu, if that's what Makenneh has, bc they are going up to my gmas for Turkey day and I can't risk my gma getting sick like this. She is in her late 80s and Im quite sure it wouldn't be a good thing for her to get this yucky flu. Not to mention, my mom and dad don't wanna get it nor anyone else who is going to be around them for the holiday! I hate to call in, so i will play it by ear.

It would look real bad me calling in tomorrow. My supervisor just called tonight to go over my review with me, bc she just got the job a week ago and got all these reviews dumped in her lap with deadlines. My review had to be in the computer tonight. So, she apologized for calling me at home and im getting paid 15 mins for the phone conversation about my review. Not a bad deal. I am getting a .40 cent raise and my review was good. I'm excited about that. Jeremy tells me if i get too many more raises like that, he is gonna have to quit and apply at walmart, bc, well he has been at his job a bit over a year and has got no raises. Im creeping up close to him in pay....lol. ON sundays, when i work, i will be making .90 less than him. That's not really cool, when ya think about it. And then you have all these ppl bitching about walmart and how they treat their employees. Maybe in some locations, but not where i am working. If i would have been working anywhere else during my recent depression slump, i would have been fired. And I get paid for the time on the phone just to get my review. They are sticklers about working off the clock. if i am punched out and walking to my car and a customer stops me to ask something, i am supposed to fill out a time adjustment sheet so i get paid for that few mins i was talking to the customer.

Anyway, I just called my dad (he works nights) to have him leave a note for mom to call me when she gets up. He even agrees that it wouldn't be a good idea for the kids to be around them being that they are going up to gmas and will expose everyone to flu. I am almost certain that is what she has. She ran a low grade fever last night and then tonight she is puking. She has been coughing miserably and i have kept her home from school the past two days. There is nobody to watch her as i don't want anyone getting sick....kwim? looks like i may have to do Thanksgiving dinner here for us....if she is still sick. That will absolutely suck, as i have to work 12-4. Guess it would mean getting up extra early to start a turkey and all that and have it so that dinner would be ready around 6. Yuck. I have never had a holiday meal that damn late. Guess i could always opt for a rotisserie chicken from out deli and then just make up some side dishes. Guess we will have to see.

I feel wide awake now. grrrrrrrr. so sorry if i am rambling. But it's almost midnight and there isn't a soul awake that i know to call and ramble to. And we don't have cable tv right now...so nothing to watch there.

Ok, ill stop now and find something else to occupy my time with. Ill spare you all of my aimless rambles. night all....Oh, one last thing. I would like to send thoughts and prayers out to Jennifer from kroger and her fiance, Josh. They just lost their baby the other day. His funeral was today. I just found out today. She was due in December, but went into labor and he was still born. They are a young couple (20-21) and this was their first child. They had the nursery all done and everything ready and waiting for him to come home. My heart just aches for them. May they find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!

Long night

Both kids are sick :( I was getting ready to head to bed around midnight and they both woke up from coughing so hard. So, i was out on the couch with both of them, after I gave them some medicine. Seb wouldn't let me put him down. I finally took him to our bed, but Jeremy was laying diagnal in the bed and I'll be damned if you can get him to move..he sleeps like a brick. I asked him, pushed him...i got a couple inches out of it. So, i put seb next to him and i layed at the other end of the bed, on very edge. I slept like that for a lil bit, before Makenneh came in wanting me. Then, i was back out to the couch. Anyway, it's been a long night, up with kids, interrupted sleep, all the good stuff. I hope i can sleep in at least one of the next two mornings. It would make me so very happy.

Well, i need to get off here. Im in charge of the Christmas party on my dad's side and i have to draw the names for everyone and get invites out so they know who they have to buy for. Ill be back later=)

Just Checking In

Been a busy few days...And we had no power thurs and friday...so we weren't at home. But, all is well now. Jeremy is over the money thing..he realizes now that things are gonna be fine and he was just worry too much.

I have today thru tues off and return to work on Wednesday and from there on will be quite busy with the holiday shoppers. We are supposed to get an extra 10% for employees soon and I think I will do most of my shopping then. Everyone on my list will be getting Walmart stuff...lol. For the most part anyway. I need to clean out my room so i have a spot to put all the gifts to hide until Christmas. Makenneh is getting too big now to just pile them up. They are gonna need to be hidden a bit at least.

Went to the laundromat yesterday t0 catch up all the laundry..it's rediculous how much it costs to do laundry there. Can't wait to get the dryer in here. My uncle is supposed to do that today for me. My friends mom gave me her mom's old dryer...just gotta get it over here.

Well, I am off here for now....we forgot the hampsters at grandmas (makenneh wanted to take them) so im going back over there to get them.

later

run, run, run

that's all i seemed to do today. I can't complain though. I drove to two different places to pick up stuff i got from freecycle.org. One was a computer for the kids. The other was 2 hampsters. I couldn't resist the hampsters. Makenneh's had gotten misused by the cat...now we have no cats, so i figured we may as well try again..this time they were free and best yet, they were hand raised and hand fed, so they are pretty friendly. And they are dwarf hampsters. I went to mom's after i did that running...and left htere in time to get Makenneh to school. I no sooner pulled into my parking spot and my cell was ringing. It was my aunt needing a ride home from work. She works downtown flint (just started). So, i had to head right back out to the same area i had just been earlier today to pick up the hampsters. Got back from that and had about 45 mins to spare before heading up to meet my mom for some money before going to get Makenneh from school. Ugh! Now, I am trying to catch up on here, color with Makenneh and get her wound down for bed. i have to work 9-4 tomorrow. I kinda hate morning shifts, only because it means getting the kids up and ready as well as myself...and to a sitter, all before work. Anyway....ho hum.

Tomorrow is payday at walmart, although, I really don't think im getting a check. I think this is the payperiod i was off work. bummer. that means 2 more weeks before a paycheck for me. And i have to admit that we really haven't started Christmas shopping. every year, i have the great intentions of starting early, but it just never seems to happen. I have picked up a couple things here and there; mostly stocking stuffers, but that's it. Bad me. And it is hard for me to find things for Sebastian. Makenneh is so much easier to buy for, bc she is a bit older, has likes, wants, etc. Sebastian is 19 months, doesn't express wants, not really "into" anything except Barney. I am having a hard time coming up with a main gift for him. Makenneh is another story..i have several ideas...from a karaoke machine (which gpa howart actually got her that one system that they can actually see themselves singing on the tv, so i don't really need to get her a karaoke machine now), instruments of any and all sorts, a doll...and then there are all the hundreds of things she sees in ads that she wants, too! I do think she needs to get a lot of art supplies bc she loves to draw and it keeps her busy for long periods of time. She needs stacks and stacks of paper, bc she sure does go through it. That and envelopes. Bc she has to put her pictures in 'lopes. And tape. She tapes things like crazy. I think I just found a way to pack her stocking that is sooo darn huge....tape, glue sticks, paper, markers, etc.

Well, I have to move on to other things and work on getting to sleep...besides, i have had a phone call interrupt my post and now makenneh is being a whine butt, bc it really is past her bedtime!

a wee bit rough

Today was a hard day. I started out feeling positive that it would be a great day. Sebastian slept til 1230 (wasn't feeling too good) and both kids were in a good mood. Then, it just seemed to go down hill from there. They became whiney and cranky and bratty. Then, Jeremy called from work and sounded different...i got him to admit to feeling out of sorts and kinda depressed about money. He really wants that house but there is no way. Some how, and even the loan officers aren't sure how, his credit score dropped 100 pts. So, now it is too low to finance a house. He is just feeling defeated. He has been at his job over a year, with no raise. When he asked his boss, he said he couldn't afford it...yet a couple months later, pulls up in a brand new bmw, to go along with his Raush (don't know if i sp that right) Mustang. When Jeremy started with this company, he was through a temp agency which means that his employer was paying the temp agency extra money per hour on Jeremy's behalf...usually its a few dollars. Once he got hired in, they didn't give him a raise, which means they just get to pocket all the extra money they were paying towards the temp agency. Then, he declined the ins. bc the premiums are way more than we can afford....usually places give you a raise when you decline the ins bc it saves the company their money too..yet, they didn't give him a raise. So, he is just feeling crappy. He also keeps thinking about how if he had stayed in college he would be done now and making more money. But, to me, looking back doesn't get you anywhere. I know how he feels. God, how I know...bc I go there myself at times...for lengths of time. Yet, it's so hard to deal with him being down. I guess bc he is always the stronghold..the one who is always assuring me everything will be ok.

I went over our bills and our income for the rest of this month and we should be doing fine. I think he is just stressing bc Christmas is coming and money is tight and then this house didn't go through. This is the first house he really got excited about. Of course, which man wouldnt..it had a garage, with a finished loft and a barn that has a loft started/framed in. But at some point you just have to realize that whatever is meant to be, will be. This apparently wasn't meant to be.

I can feel a bit of a drain, mentally, myself. I think most of it comes from the fact that I had a day from hell with the kids and neither of them are asleep yet. I need my quiet time. I am ready to explode. Sebastian is in his crib, but i hear his jabber from time to time and moving around...makenneh is out here, drawing, making lots of noise, demanding attention and i just want my quiet time. I have catered to them all day it seems and now i am ready for peace and quiet. .

And Makenneh is so damned hard headed. I swear to God if she doesn't put that to good use some day, im gonna beat her! She is so stubborn, dramatic and determined. Always has been. Why God gave both my kids these extreme personalities, i have no idea. I could have dealt with easy going, laid back personalities just fine, thank you!

Oh and here is a real blog topic......I went to pick Makenneh up from school tonight. She tells me she pooped in her pants. I just kinda stand there, stunned and confused. She was still wearing hte same pants she wore to school and her teacher didn't speak up at first to say anything. Miss Wendy, the teacher is off, but the teacher's aid and a sub were there. So, after a moment of silence with a dumb founded look on my face, Miss Brenda speaks up and says, "it was loose, mom, sometimes those things happen even to us adults." I'm still a bit confused as to how she pooped her pants and yet, still has the same pants on that i sent her in. Then, i look at Makenneh and ask if she wants to go change her clothes. They said that she was in the bathroom for awhile and at one point mentioned that she might have passed gas and some came out. they teachers say that she just mentioned it to them while they were waiting for parents to pick kids up. Makenneh said she wanted to change her clothes in the car. Anyway, im jumping all over bc im still a bit confused. There is a point, i promise. So, i get her out to the car and go to pull her pants down to change them, thinking there will probably be nothing much more that a poop stain! WRONG...there is poop in there. So, i took her back into the school to the bathroom to clean her up and change her. I couldn't let her ride home like that. So, i get her pants and undies off (just threw the undies away) and the poop is dried to her but. I have to scrub with those nasty brown school paper towels to get the poop off her butt. I was beginning to get pissed. She has apparently sat in this shit for some time. Long enough for it to harden to her butt. So, i ask her when she pooped her pants...she said in school. I asked her if she told her teacher. She said, I told her i pooped in my pants. I asked all kinda of questions as subjectively as i could to get a feel for what happened. She kept insisting that she told the sub (friend's teacher she said, which subs are usually friend's parents) that she pooped her pants. She did it when they were on the carpet (rug). Then she went poop in the potty. So, from what i could gather, she did it while in class, told the sub, and then went to the bathroom. Why didn't they check her or something? Why wasn't i called if they didnt' want to clean her up and change her? i am going to talk to them tomorrow and find out what happened. If they left her, knowingly, sit in shit, i am gonna blow my top. I have never left my kids in dirty diapers or clothes and i damned sure don't expect anyone else to either. I am going to give them the beneift of the doubt, bc she is only 3 and could have things a bit mixed up as far as time and all. But, one thing i know for certain is that she sat in that poop for some time. That, i am not happy about. Even when i question Makenneh now, she insists she told the sub in the classroom.
Tomorrow, i will have an answer i guess.

Well, im off to check bz message boards, other blogs and all that stuff, then get this little bug to bed.

After 10 hours at work...

I walk up to the porch to find the trash that i had put there the night before, still there, tore up...so i had to stand out in the freezing cold to rebag it. But, oh, it didn't stop there. I come in and take care of all my stuff and get ready to sit down to get online....and it's all wet and messy here at the desk. Jeremy went to bed with Makenneh up. She got ahold of my brand new bottle of Dream from my pure romance party...and well, it's empy..dumped all over the desk, even in the keyboard, which is thankfully working, but for how long, who knows. She also got into some eyeshadow and has it all over up here, and ON MY BRAND NEW CARPET! Im not happy. Im not so much mad at her. She is 3.5 and well, that's what you get when you leave a child unattended...im mad at him for leaving her unattended. I am thankful nothing bad happened, but pissed that i had all this mess to clean up first thing. My feet and legs are killing. I have spent the better part of the day up and down a huge ladder, running from one of the store to the other, hauling and heaving boxes, putting stock out and damn it, my body aches. On the plus side, it smells splendid and aromatic here at the pc desk. And my, the pills are surely working, bc really, im over it.

I got to ring on register for 15 mins to cover a break. lol. yippee! But then it was back to the floor. I hate working on the floor....i hate stock, i hate it! Ok, maybe i don't totally hate it. I have found some positives. For one, I take my breaks and lunch when I am ready..don't have to wait for someone to come relieve me. I work mostly on my own (which could be a negative at times...it meant far more trips up and down the ladder with merchandise) and I stay pretty busy. And when i need to just fluff off for a few mins, well i can do that too. Im really trying to focus on the positives, bc the supervisor for that area of the store (Connie) kept making comments about needing a new merchandise supervisor(ms) for toys come the new year. She said, "you know, we are gonna be in need of a new ms for toys after Christmas....and just think...you would have a whole year to figure it out (meaning Christmas Chaos)." I had to remind her that I hate toys! LOL. It's not hte toys that i hate. it's the public's idea that the toy section is eveyone's playground! It's really not, people. There are poor peons like me, who have to go behind you and pick up the messes you and your kids leave behind. If you decide you don't want something...don't be afraid to walk a few aisles over to put it back where you found it. Or you could even give it to the cashier as you are checking out. At least that way, it's not just shoved somewhere it doesn't belong, looking all messy and unorganized. I know, i know...those of you reading my blog probably aren't the ones who whiz through like a tazmanian devil, tearing up everything in your path. i just feel better after having passed the info along. Ya never know who is reading you at any given time.

I have the next 3 days off...have i said that yet? LOL. I really hope that they have me back in the system..bc i am a cashier, damn it. My name tag says so! One thing that brightened my day, after I got home and was dealing with this mess...i realized it is Sunday...i realized that i got paid an extra dollar an hour for working today...so that makes me feel a wee bit better about having a long ass shift today. Of course, when ya think about it..that means i only made an extra 9.00 today...but hey...ill take it.

Well, I need to head to bed, bc Seb will be up bright and early! He doesn't understand the concept of sleeping in, yet. He will get it, just in time to have to be up for school...lol. Funny how that works. When we are kids and can sleep whenever we want, as long as want, we hate to sleep. We fight it. Then we get older and have to get up for alarm clocks, be at school, jobs, take care the kids, etc...and by God we would just love to lay our weary body down and rest...but no time for that....bc the kids who could sleep, don't want to sleep and well, sleeping on the job is a quick way to lose your job. Unless you are Toni and work at Walmart...then you can sleep on the job..bc, well, i am not sure why...but you get to. Not once, not twice, but 3 times in one day....old news, but still so frustrating. How do you get away with sleeping for over an hour on company time and keep your job? Hmph!

I survived

Well, Im home from my first day of work. It was alright. I wasn't able to run cash register, bc Personnel hadn't fixed my status on the computer yet, so i had to work in toys. I spent the day stocking, stocking and more stocking. Ugh! I dread tomorrow, knowing that's probably what Ill be stuck doing again tomorrow. Oh well! On the plus side, i get to see all the toys and do some mental shopping while I work. We have a FurReal Pony that I would love to get for the kids. It is decent sized (so we don't have the room) and when you pet him, talk to him, etc, he responds. He moves his head, his ears, his tail....whinnies, all that good stuff. he is soooo cool. He comes with a carrot and a brush. I so want him! He is under 300.00 but we don't even have any in stock right now..they only shipped us the display model...jerks!

I am so ready for bed. I have a feeling Jeremy is gonna beat me there! And he let the kids sleep all damn night...well a late late nap....not waking til after 7pm , so im sure it's gonna be a long night!

Im off here for now...

Update

Seb seems to be understanding the crib thing. When he starts throwing his fit, ill just say, do you want to go to your crib...most times he will stop. He also knows now to get the fit over quick if he wants out.; i hope it continues to work.

On another positive note, Makenneh has been good today. Overall, we all had a great day, actually. I spent most of the day doing artwork, cuddling, playing, etc. I think this is what they need...more time with me. I feel good about everything today....I made a nice dinner, we sat at the table, we watched the movie CARS (that daddy just had to buy tonight) and now we are gonna wind down and head to bed. I go back to work tomorrow at 11am. I have such mixed feelings about it. I keep reminding myself that i have been doing this for a couple months now..i can do it. it's no big deal.

Part of me feels like I am just getting to the point that i am really enjoying parenthood...i have seemed to have found a rythem(sp) that is working for us. Before I hated being home bc i felt likme such a failure at it..the house was always a trash hole, the kids drove me crazy....ya know the stuf fyou have been reading about. But these last couple of days, i have seen a brighter side. I have found joy in being home with the kids. even through the uglies.

I talked to Jeremy tonight about the new plan....julieq's plan. I hope he continues it while im at work. I told him that no matter what he is doing...he has to put him in the crib if he doesn't stop throwing his fit. And he has to get him out the minute he stops. Its imperitive that it happens that way or it won't be effective.

And guess what?!! Today while we were outside, Makenneh busted out with a cheer. "Let's get a little bit rowdy....r, (skips o), w, d, y. And she even does the moves to the best of her ability. My cousin, Allana must have taught her this, as Allana is always doing some sort of cheer. I was so impressed though, that out of nowhere, makenneh pulled it from her memory. IT is so cute. She has been going around doing it all day. Oh and she recognized the number 1 today, too. She pointed to it on a sign and said, 1! At first, i didn't know what she was talking about..then she pointed and i saw, it was the number 1. i made a good fuss about it and how smart she is. She continues to amaze me. it's these moments i must focus on to get through the ugly times.

Well, i need to get the troops off to bed......here's to more good days, like today...and also to a successful first day; back to work! I can do this~

8 things about me

Gee, this is hard. Why isn't it 8 things about one of my kids or my hubby or somebody else...anybody else. I can't think of 8 things to tell you about myself..especially if i don't want to tell you things you probably already know.

1. I'm taking JulieQ's advice and letting Seb throw his fit in his crib. He isn't liking it. Hopefully he will soon learn that the fits aren't going to be tolerated around here. Boy, he is sure is flailing himself around in there! I need a sound-proof room for this.

2. Seems how Helen mentioned cell phones, ill share my thoughts....i love mine. I hate the dependancy that most ppl have on them. The thing rings, they are jumping up to answer. They talk on them all the time, everywhere. Get a life, already. I don't even have a life (maybe that's why i haven't a need to be on mine all day). I hate when im with someone and they talk on their cell the whole time. Totally obnoxious and rude if you ask me!

3. I cleaned my place for my Pure Romance party and so far, im doing good at keeping it clean. I like it. I am up puttering all day, picking things up and cleaning up. Hopefully it doesn't turn into an obsession. Hahahahha, im so far the other way, i don't think it will become a problem.

4. I am submitting a resume for an office job. My hubby's cousin told me about it. She works for a doctor and this is one of the doctor's friends. He runs a medical supply or something of the sorts. It would be mon thru fri 9-5 kinda hours. And I'd pretty much be working on my own. love the idea.

5. Sometimes I just wanna escape to a peaceful hide away. Just me.

(let me just say that Seb is still throwing a fit in his crib...)

6. Jeremy drives me nuts at times and there are times when I just wanna punch him...ok, i say that teasingly....but really, he is a good guy. Just rough around the edges, as a lot of guys this generation are. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me feel good about myself. And he has come so far with everything. He helps with the kids, the house and all that. I bitch sometimes, but when i sit and really think about it...he does do things to help me out. Right now, he is in the kids' room, helping them find peek a blocks to play with their wagon.

7. I hate hassles and inconveniences. I'd rather avoid them at all cost. And sometimes, i pay dearly for this. I think it's part of my mental disorder, really. It brings on stress and anxiety. For instance, i have to have my doc fill out a leave of absence form for work..i hate it. I put it off until today..the very last minute. Now, i can't pick it up til monday. Sometimes i frustrate myself.

8. I rarely watch tv. Most of the time, we watch movies and even then, i often don't sit and watch them all the way through. It's funny, but i feel like it's a waste of time, yet i have no bones about sitting in front of this computer for hours on end. Go figure!

Before I go to bed...

Here are some pictures


This pic is from my sis's halloween party. It's my brother, Matt, and his gf, sara. They dressed up as nerdy prom king and prom queen. They were a huge hit at the party. You can't tell from the pic, but my brother has duct tape holding his glasses together, his pants are floods, he is wearing generic converse type shoes and his dress shirt is too small.

She has a dress that is quite ugly to begin with, with added material in the front bc it was tea length. She is wearing a scarfy thing in her hair, horrible makeup, big ugly plastic glasses, and gaudy jewelry. And don't forget the tennis shoes.



THis is a pic of makenneh playing daddy's xbox 360. she has the headset on, even. of course, brother wants to play, too!














And here's a fit....he was mad bc he couldn't have the xbox controller. He is the king of fits! He does the whole throw himself in the floor kinda fits.












Oh and, my Pure Romance party was a bust. Only a few ppl showed up. I still got $40 dollars in free stuff (probably more outta sympathy, than anything, bc the lady who does the parties has been doing parties for us for about 4 yrs.). She also threw in a bottle of this spray called Dream. It has lavender oil, bois de rose, patchouli oil and pheromones in it. It it soothing and helps you relax. She sprayed some on Makenneh...bc it can help kids get tired (same concept as johnson and johnson bed time bath) and then told me spray some on my hot pack i was using for my migraine headache...then she said, ah, just keep that bottle! It was a full bottle (10.50 value). So, i really made out with 50.00 in free. NOt to mention, she hung out with us for a bit and is also going iwth me to a home and garden party i was invited to next week. The other thing I got was some massage cream/lubricant. It is buttery textured and i got the strawberry cheesecake flavor. It tastes and smells just like that, too. We shall see how many massages i get out of it....hahhahaha.

Ok, off to get Makenneh settled down for bed....

What to do

I need some advice! Makenneh is just out of control. I have finally reached my wit's end with her. She is moody and hateful more than she is happy and loving. She is notorious for crossing her arms and saying, "jus yeave me awone!". She is demanding. She tells us what she wants, when she wants it and how she wants it and expects it just that way. An example: She will be sitting on the couch. The blankets are on the floor, right at her feet. I will be sitting on the other side of the living room and she will tell me, yes, tell me, to get the covers for her. I most often don't, but there are those times when I just want peace and quiet and i give in to shut her up. This is the problem, im quite sure. In my moments of weakness, I give in to shut her up. When I have heard enough, and taken all that i can take, i give in. She has learned to use that against me. So, now i am having to work extra hard to break that. I feel like i have tried every method possible to get her to behave. She refuses to sit in time out. Make her you say. that involves me physically restraining her while she is hitting and screaming and kicking. I just don't know that that gains anything. She doesn't stay in her room if we send her there. Not to mention, the kids share a room right now and it is trashed and full of toys to boot. Here, my quesiton is....every time she tries coming out of her room, should we send her back in and add a minute on? And if so, how long should we allow this to continue? What about if she is "sneaking" to sit right on the threshold of the doorway? Do we allow her to do this and just keep quiet, so long as she doesn't pass that point? Or do we let her know she is pushing her luck and has to go back inside her room and add a minute?

Another battle (one we had tonight) is when anyone else has to pick her up from school besides me. She throws a huge fit right there and school and doesn't want to go with them. This includes her dad. Tonight she threw a huge fit when jeremy went to get her. Earlier he had asked her if she wanted him to pick her up and she said yes. Then she had a melt down. She comes home crying and carrying on, he sent her to her room, bc that's what he told her he would do when they got home. It was just horrible. I hate it. I hate that there has to be that much to do concerning school. I had a long talk with her tonight about being respectful, being polite, not throwing fits, etc. But, at 3.5, i just don't know that she actually gets it, ya know?

Another problem is jeremy and i don't see eye to eye on discipline. HE is all about authoratarion (or whatever that word is) approach. I don't like that. I want a happy medium. I am not against spanking, but feel that it shouldn't be used for every issue. Major ones...yes. I also feel that discipline should be out of love not anger. i feel like when he disciplines, he does it bc he is angry. i hate it. ANd he is stubborn. I have teh book by The Nanny. I've read it. I've gotten good ideas from it. But he refuses to read it, stating that he doesn't need a book to know how to raise his kids. I disagree. Things change over time. The way we were raised isn't always the best. There are more ways to do things. He also refuses to go to any parenting type of classes. I get so frustrated with him. He says he wants what is best for the kids, yet to me, his refusal to do anything to increase his knowledge on the subject, says the opposite. Men!

And don't get me wrong. He isn't all evil and bad. He laughs with the kids, he plays with the kids, etc. He just has different views on parenting.

Anyway, I go back to work Saturday. I am not really looking forward to it. Especially not because I have to work on Thanksgiving. Jeremy is going to take the kids over to his aunt's where his family is having dinner. So, at least they get to do something for the holiday. I am just so bummed about this, bc it is my very first holiday that won't be celebrated/spent with family. Sure, i made Thanksgiving dinner myself one year and had my mother in law, brother in law and his gf here, but it was still celebrating and with family. This year, my parents and siblings are all going up to my grandma's. I want to go, bc i don't get to see gma that much and also because Makenneh just adores her. And now that i think about it, maybe my parents will take Makenneh with them. We will see. I also have to work the day after Thanksgiving. That doesn't upset me as much, bc it's just shopping im missing out on and the last few years haven't had that great of sales anyway. I have to be to work at 430am that morning and work until 230pm. IT's gonna be a long, busy, crazy day! im sure it will fly by!

Ok, im done for now...gonna go bask in the glory of Makenneh's sweetness, while it lasts. Ya know...earlier I thought, this has to be the youngest case of pms ever. Funny how our doc said that when she was only a week old. I had no clue! She reminds me of a hormonal teenager who just started having her periods and pmsing like crazy. She stomps off, leave me alone, you guys are all mean...blah blah...c'mon, you mom's with teen girls have to admit you have heard similar things. That's what she reminds me of..me when i was hitting teen yrs. Yikes! I think i need to check into kiddy prozac or something....lol.

Oh and Helen, yes, Makenneh goes to school from 430pm til 730pm. It's not common to see/hear...for some reason, the district offers the evening classes this year. Im glad they do, bc it opens more seats for more kids. It also makes them able to take in kids from other nearby school districts (such as Makenneh).

A little under pressure

It is almost 4pm. I have to have Makenneh to school by430. I need to make the chocolate peanut butter cup pie for tonight, which needs to be refridgerated for 3 hours. So, i need it in there as close to 430 as possible. I can't make it before I leave, bc i need the cool whip. ANyway, i still need to finish the vacuuming, dusting and some other odds and ends, take a shower, prepare food and then ill pretty much be ready for my "party" tonight. Im not expecting a huge turn out, bc i only did email invites and in my funk the past couple weeks havent really told much of anyone else. So, we shall see. Oh well! Better luck next time.

My desk area is a pigsty and its in my living room so there is no hiding it. I am not going to have time tackle it before ppl get here. again, oh well. if they don't like the mess, don't look. lol.

Well, i need to get off here and get kenneh ready for school and me somewhat presentable to take her in....my hair is a crazy mess, i have been sweating all day, and i just feel gross and slimy. but no time for showering before she has to be to school.

ill probably post more later!

Election Day

I fulfilled my duty as a citizen of the USA..i voted. General elections were held today and we had to vote for governor, reps and all that good stuff. I haven't been extremely happy with our current governor and Lord knows this state is in some bad shape...we lead the nation's unemployment, we have 2 of the top 3 most dangerous cities in the US....and need I say much more. I was determined to vote against her this election. But then, the other candidate didn't suit my fancy much at all. He gripes about Granholm letting ppl "live off of welfare" and how he wants to implement a time line for welfare. Which, it sounds great. But, has he forgotten, as he sits in his high business position, that our economy sucks and there are no jobs here? Does he not realize that a lot of hard working Michiganders have had to resort to welfare to feed their families when jobs were lost? Does he realize that the average commute for work is about an hour? Has he not realized that gas prices are very high and this long commute means more money for gas? Then, he mentions that if ppl want insurance, they need to get jobs that offer insurance. Wake the Hell up, would you! Where are the jobs that pay enough and offer insurance? Show me! Im sorry but on 10.00 an hour, the avg family cannot afford to shell out hundreds of dollars a month for insurance. NOt to mention, most of these small factories don't even offer it. I just got the impression that he has no clue about the real people here in MI who are working hard, strugglins, losing jobs bc they are moving over seas or to mexico. I just don't think he gets it. McDonalds doesn't pay enough to get ahead on! Sorry, pal! Fix the economy first, then worry about the welfare system. Too many ppl have had to come to rely on it during these tough times!

Ok, that's my rant for the night!

My adult party is tomorrow nigh tand this place is trashed. THe kitchen is full of boxes and crap that i need to take care of. Im afraid it's gonna get shoved in our bedroom to be hid from everyone!

Oh, oh oh! On a hopefully positive note: I have been eyeballing this house every day as I take Makenneh to and from school. I don't know what it was about this place, but i just fell in love with it. It was vacant and had a small sign on teh door, so i knew it would be getting listed soon, as a repo (HUD) house. So, low and behold, Monday, there was a sign on the window to call a realtor of your choice to see it. So, i called my realtor and I went and looked at it today. It is marvelous! 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room, family room, kitchen, dining *huge*, 2 car garage with heated loft above, pole barn, fire place...i mean, it's beautiful. So, we are placing a bid on it tomorrow! I know, crazy maybe. But I can't help but shake the notion that having a bigger place, a place to be proud of, would help shake some of this depression. We are so cramped here and so dark and dreary and just blah! Im going to try my damnedest (sp) not to get excited. But, i so want this house. IT has a huge yard with a big deck out back. It butts up to the city park. It's right by Makenneh's school. Everything is perfect. Cross fingers, say prayers, send good vibes, whatever it is you do for good things to happen!

That's all I have for tonight. Im thinking it's time to get to bed!

A new mechanic

Tonight I witnessed one of the most beautiful things. It was a moment in which i should have had the camera ready, but seems I didn't, I shall be sure to blog about it.

Jeremy had to finish fixing our car tonight. He was out working on it when I got back from picking makenneh up from school. She stuck at his side and didn't even come in. he had to call me out there to help him with something and she is right down in the midst of all the greasy parts and tools. He emptied out his one tool bag and then asked if she wanted to pick them up...she kept out the red and yellow electrical connectors bc she was going to use them to help fix the car. Daddy had to explain to her that those didn't go on the wheel. Of course, she had to ask why?! So he explained to her what they were. Then, she held the work light for him, the rachet, and she even told me that she was holding the rachet for daddy! Then, when he was near finished, she grabbed the lugnuts and said, i want to put these back on the tire daddy. So, he let her help put a couple of them on and then help him tighten them up with the 4-way! It was just so cute to watch. She was so into daddy and everything he was doing. She wanted to be involved and him teaching her the ropes. My heart sang and for that moment, all the world was right. She then had to test drive the car with daddy and came back to tell me that she went fast but didn't hit any signs! Im scared to know the details of that. LOL. We live in a small mobile home park, so im guessing he let her "drive" the car around.

Then, jeremy came in and took a bath to soak. Makenneh had to go in to pee. I was sitting at the computer researching all the candidates and proposals for tomorrow's vote and i hear sweet chatter coming from the bathroom. It was so sweet. I tiptoed back there and stood for a second in the doorway. Then I went in bc i had to use bathroom too. She gets done and says she wants to take a bath with daddy to wash her hands bc they have grease on them from working on the car, like daddy. It's so hard to explain to a 3.5 yr old why she can't take baths with daddy, specially when she takes them with little brother. So, he told her, through the shower curtain, that when he was done, she could take a bath. She settled for that after a minute or so and all was well.

Well, wednesday I am hosting a Pure Romance party. It's an adult toy party for anyone who hasn't heard of them. They are so much fun and we all laugh so much. They sell a body spray, Kiss, which is awesome. I Love it. I will be getting me some of it. And it must be that time of year for parties like these, bc today i got an invite to a Home & Garden Party for next wednesday. I used to sell Home & Garden party and the hostess is Jeremy's childhood girlfriend. WE all stay in touch here and there. I might go. I know some ppl who would like to order some stuff so i may just work on getting some orders and do a bookshow or something. Everyone loves their candles and they are so inexpensive. Im sure i could get over a hundred dollars in orders and that would get me some free stuff!! And free stuff is always nice, specially around the holidays when there are so many gifts to buy!

Well, Makenneh has finally resigned from coloring so im going to work on getting her to sleep.

Night all

Nothing too noteoworthy

The weekend wasn't that thrilling. We did go bowling friday night. It was alright. A couple small things agitated me, but im not going into details bc it's over, not worth causing hard feelings over.

It was nice to go to bed with Jeremy and wake up with him in the morning. The ironic thing is, the damned alarm clock went off at 7am. I have no idea how it got set for that time, bc Jeremy sets it for 430ish for work....and i haven't used it, so who knows. So, yeah, i still had an interruption at 7am, but i was able to just shut the alarm off and go back to sleep. And sleep I did. We didn't get up til about 11am! It seems I spent the day, or what was left of it by the time I got up and around, running the roads. I had to find the movie, The Notebook, for part of my parents' anniversary gift, a few other odds and ends to go in their gift basket and then had to stop home to assemble the basket, run it out to my parents before they left for dinner, then run to my cousin's who was having an adult toy party, then home, finally. I didn't get to stay at my cousin's party bc i had to bring kids with me (I had my cousins and their friend with us). So, they had to wait in the van while i placed an order. The kids stayed the night, which made for a houseful. But all in all, everything was fine.

Today i did nothing hardly. I did take a couple hour nap. It was so nice. Until I woke up to find that makenneh had dumped baby powder all over in my bedroom while i slept. Where was dad? grrrr!

I made lasagna for dinner. Ive been on a roll lately with the cooking. I made a roast the other night. The night before that i did baked chicken and mashed potatoes.

I go to the eye doctor on tuesday! Finally. I haven't had my eyes checked in several years, bc my ins doesn't cover contacts and I don't want to wear glasses. So, yeah, ive been wearing the same pair of contacts for a long time. Well, actually, they have been changed bc I get some from my mom sometimes when I lose one. But her Rx is weaker than mine. It will be nice to actually see things again. Then, when we get our income taxes back, im getting new contacts.

Well, i have a couple kids to wrestle to sleep, so im off for now! Told ya nothing exciting to report!

Trip to the doctor

Well, I finally broke today while on the phone to my mom. I told her that maybe i needed to go to the hospital. I was sobbing so hard, she could barely understand me. She told me i needed to call my doctor, which i asked her if she would bc i could barely talk. So, she took me this morning and the doc gave me a new rx for my pills and made me promise to go back in to my counselor. I also have to go back to see my doc in 2 weeks. He asked how long I had missed work and had the receptionist write an excuse for this time i have missed due to major depression issues. He also put me off until Nov. 9th. That should give me enough time to get the pills in my system again. He said that this is something im going to deal with for life. it's not going to go away and i need to stay on the meds. I know this, but like i told him, i hate the hassle of getting the refills. I get a case of the "fuck its" and just don't do it. I know most of you are thinking...getting a Rx refilled is easy. Yes, for someone with balanced chemicals in their head. It's a major task for me. Especially when, it never fails that they are always due for refill when i don't have a car. THat makes it an even bigger pain in the ass. He also reminded me that the steps I am trying to take are huge and im taking them by myself for the most part. My mom's side of the family has huge co-depency type issues and just overall unhealthy relationships. I have to fight to overcome those and seperate myself from that way of thinking. Sort of like a reprogramming. But it's hard when im surrounding by those who are set in these ways. The other th ing about depression is those who don't suffer from it simply don't understand it. It's not a bad day, feeling blue when your loved pet dies, or having a bad hair day. It's so much more than that. it's easy for the outsiders to say...why doesn't she just get over it, or why doesn't she just cheer up. If it were that simple, well depression wouldn't exist. When I get in these funks, i know that i need to get out of them, but i just can't do it. i know everything i need to do to be healthy, but i can't bring myself to do it. And while I would never blame my depression on my kids, having 2 toddlers simply doesn't help the problems. They add to it. They don't understand that mom is having a hard time and in fact, they sense that mom is wired and stressed and at her wits end and they act up more. Im really thinking about seeing my aunt will take the kids for a few days for me. I need a few days reprieve. To myself. Peace, quiet and nothing to get in my way. I can rest up, let these pills start working and get back to feeling like me again.

Well, my mom invited me to dinner with her and my aunts and uncles tonight. They are going for a bday dinner for my mom. Her bday was the 29th. Which, to tell you how much of a funk i was in, i didn't even blog about it. The day of her bday, we went to lunch at a chinese buffet. Then we went back to my parents' house and had homemade orange sheet cake with homemade orange frosting (mom's fav flavor is orange). I was a bit grumpy that day but struggled hard to just put on the happy face for mom's day. Anyway, she suggested I leave the kids home wiht jeremy and go with them. So, i think im gonna do that. I could use a few hours out of the house without kids. And I think I will even treat myself to an adult beverage. =) maybe 2. LOL. I feel guilty for leaving hubby and kids behind, but ya know...sometimes we need a break. ANd I am one of those ppl who obviously need more breaks than the average person. i have to realize and accept this. As long as I continue to play super-being I will continue to run into these ruts.

Well, that's the low down on what has been going on here. Just thought I would update.

Thanks to you, Helen and Julie, for hearing me out and offering encouragement! It means a lot to know that ppl care!