head spinning

So much homework, so little time. I have a test in Psych tomorrow. I am happy to say that I have completed both of the chapter review sheets that we can use for our test. She said we could take and use notes...but I don't know if I am going to get that far. I have put it up for the night and we will see how much I am able to accomplish tomorrow. Then, after I get this test out of the way, I have to get right on my Philosophy/ethics paper. Then, once that is done, I have to start working on my multicultural project (yeah, i have another of those to do this semester for my sw class-programs/comm. welfare). This time, we didn't get to pick our topic, but rather draw one out of a bag. I drew American Indians, but traded to get African Americans so that I can work in my aunt's group. She drew African Americans. Each slip of paper contained 3 areas to cover. That way, the group work is already broken down with each person already assigned their part. I like that idea for sure. In addition to this, I must also continue to work on Psych project, which is frustrating me. i cannot find a scholarly article pertaining to parental status and hours spent studying. You would have to think that someone, somewhere along the lines has studied/tested this. But, i am finding nothing. So, i may need to change it up a bit. But, the proposition is due tomorrow night, so not much time.

I got another 100% on an assignment in Human Sexuality. This was our 2nd paper and it was about advertising and gender roles. Yay, me!

On a very positive note, my dad was called back to work today. They called him this afternoon and he could have started tomorrow, but they have no car. Theirs died (motor) and they still owe on it. However, even a used motor for this car is astronomical, so idk what is going to happen. They don't want to buy another car, as they are still making payments on this dead horse. They have a car my sis gave them but it needs a fuel pump and computer for sure, not to mention whatever else he will find after putting in a new computer and the scans actually show up problems. The car sat for several years and well, that is very hard on cars. And the car is in general rough shape, mechanically speaking and dad has to drive to Novi, which is over an hour from home. So, he needs reliability. Doesn't have to be fancy or anything, but reliable is a must. The best part about him being called back is that they won't lose their health insurance. When their new contract went in effect, it was stated that when you were laid off, your insurance would run out at the end of that month. So, he was laid off in Feb, meaning at the end of hte month, they would no longer be covered. Mom is on several meds, including blood pressure pills, that she can't be without. So, it has all worked out. I am sure the car situation will as well. There is so much I could say about this but i don't know how late I wanna be up. LOL. The thing is, my brother has a car that is sitting at my parents' house. It just needs a few minor things and dad said it would be the cheapest to get on the road. Well, my brother has wish-washed with giving the car to them. He has a car right now and just sold one. They manage an adult foster home so someone has to be home at all times, when clients are home. They can't just up and leave on a whim. So, really, they don't need 2 cars, because, well, someone always has to be home with the clients. brother and his gf are doing well for themselves financially, especially considering all bills are paid (no rent and consumers, house phone, groceries are all paid by the company). On top of that, they get a monthly salary for doing it and my brother works two jobs, one being UPS. So, anyway. To backtrack a bit (I so need to get this off my chest, so bare with me). My dad and brother went snowmobiling last winter (as they have done every winter before). The one sled blew up, so they went to a dealer and my brother decides to buy a brand new sled. Only he needed a cosigner. Dad cosigned (without consulting mom) and the loan is done through a line of credit with the snowmobile dealership, like a credit card, i guess. At any rate, the idea was my brother would, what's the word....refinance, there...refinance the loan, in just his name. Well, he hasn't and the worst part is, by dad cosigning on such a large loan, it over-extended their credit, thus jacking up the interest rates on all of their credit cards, raised their car ins. premiums bc they are now considered high risk bc credit is over-extended and a few other repercussions. All this and dad gets laid off. their cc bills have almost doubled with the high increase in interest. They are drowning. Mom got a job (that is killing her bc of the stress level, i watch her deteriorate every day, i swear) to help with the bills. Brother seems to live in oblivion in his own world and it just frustrates me. Our entire lives, our parents have sacrificed every thing for us! Everything! They have gone above and beyond their responsibility as parents to do for us and help us out. Yet, in their time of need, when brother has the means to help them out (by way of letting them get his extra car on road and use it at least until they can get one) and he won't. He says yes, then changes mind. At first he said they could have it in exchange for dad fixing his truck (another vehicle of brothers that is sitting at our parents'). Dad was ok with that. Then, he said he instead wanted to trade my mom's sled for it...well, my mom's sled is like brand new, very low hours on it and worth a few thousand dollars. This car is worth maybe $700. Not a fair trade at all. So, mom said hell no. by this time both mom and dad are feeling very hurt. dad, who is not an emotional person has been reduced to tears several times by my brother's seemingly selfishness. THE CAR IS SITTING, NOT ROAD READY, AT OUR PARENTS' HOUSE DOING NOTHING, WHILE MY DAD COULD GET IT ON THE ROAD AND BE USING IT. I don't get it. Meanwhile, I have a POS car that is falling apart, with well over 200k miles on it and I let them use my car whenever possible to get mom to and from work or for dad to things he needs to do, pay bills, run errands, get parts for other cars, whatever. I have sat here many a nights without my car so that they could use it. No problem. I figure it's the least I can do. I just wish that I were in a position to do more. IF i were my brother, that car would be theirs, no doubt, no strings, nothing. I guess, from a general pov, my brother doesn't OWE them anything, but I think the right and decent thing would be for him to let them borrow car at least. I mean, dang. But, he has hurt my parents so many times lately that my mom has said she won't take the car now if he just gave it to them, no strings. My heart breaks because I just know all that they do for us "kids" and well... What can ya do? I put a call in to Jeremy's friend who works for a tow company bc his boss will sometimes get cars that ppl don't pick up or owe impounds on, etc and he will sell them pretty cheap. Hopefully they have something. Otherwise, I have no idea how he is getting to work on Monday. And the worst part is, I have class on mon and wed..but i might have to let him use my car and just find a way to my classes. IDK. I certainly will do that if it comes to that, but i don't know if my car would even be trustworthy enough to drive that far. It's still not completely fixed from the last episode, as he hasn't been able to find the part and seems how i only drive short distances, it isn't really an issue right now.

With dad going back to work he has to close up Papa Daycare. He has been watching Sebastian on Mons and Weds for me, while I go to my afternoon class. I now have to find an alternate solution. I do have a few or at least a couple possibilities. We will have to see how things work out. Mom came home in tears today and she never did say why. Well, we told her the good news about dad going back to work and she still was quite upset. He held her and was asking questions as to why she was crying and he asked if she had a bad day at work (she has many, that's a subject i will get into another time) and she said yes. He asked if she quit and she said no and he said, well you can now. I really hope she does. This job is not worth the toll it is taking on her emotionally/mentally. She is being "railroaded" by her supposed best friend....who is her boss. It's just a bad situation all the way around. She gets dogged so bad at work that customers even notice and comment on it. One threatened to go give the "friend"/boss a piece of her mind. she was livid at the way friend was treating my mom. so, yeah, the job is not worth it, imo.

Well, this has turned into a lengthy post. And sadly, i have more things I could talk about. But, before I go, I do want to thank Julie for the info on antivirus sites. I did borrow norton from my uncle, but it's saying it can't connect with liveupdates and it's just not working..idk what the problem is. I did just dl the program Julie told me about and we will see if that works. hoping it does..or at least that something does. And it's not dl right. says some files are corrupt. Grrr. *bang head against wall*bang*bang*bang*

Oh and Leigh...I do not accesserize at all, either. I have had my ears pierced since I was 5 and the last time I think I wore earrings was for my wedding, almost 4 yrs ago. I own one jewelry box and it's one that my gpa had gotten me the last Christmas he was alive. It is mostly empty. Some foreign currency, odds and ends and now one necklace. LOL. I have no fashion sense...just give me a pair of jeans and tshirt, thankyouverymuch. Beyond that, I can't coordinate and I can't keep up with what's "in". So, I don't try. I have been wanting to be a bit more "fashionable" i guess you could call it. But it takes too much money and time. I can shower and be ready in 15 mins or so, if need be. Who has time for all that dawdling and primping before a mirror? But, a very small part of me wants to get into wearing makeup (beyond the basic foundation to cover breakouts and eyeliner) and wearing cute/stylish clothes. I did buy myself a new outfit right after we got our taxes back. It is a lime green top with black trim and a pair of pin-stripe black dress pants...do ya know what I'm talkin about? I have wanted a pair of those pants forever. I never got any because I wasn't sure I would wear them...but this outfit is absolutely cute and the neckline on the shirt really calls for some kinda necklace. It scoops down a bit and leaves the chest bare (not the breasts, people....lol) One of these days (after viruses are gone and all) I will wear it and take a pic to post. Maybe! I said the outfit was cute, i didn't say I was cute in outfit. LOL.

Ok, pry my fingers from the keyboard....I can't stop. I love the whole typing thing. I could type for hours on end.

Good night!

Virus

My computer has a virus or 50. I am not happy. I am hoping I can locate a copy of Norton Antivirus software, because, well, it isn't cheap to buy and not in our budget right now. But, I so need it. I need this computer especially for my Psychology class. I might have to break down and buy a copy if nobody I know has one that will work. I just hate to take more money out of our little "savings" fund that we need to get our own place. But, if you don't hear from me, take no worry...my computer just is on the fritz. I don't know how long it will hang on. I can only hope for the best.

I had my jewelry party and it actually turned out better than I had expected. You have to have $250 in sales for the party to qualify. I only had 5-6 people there so I didn't expect a turnout. Well, once she totaled up my orders, I had 269.00. For that measely party, I get $94 in free product. I am so excited. She also let me keep the party open for a week so I can try to get 6 more orders bc if I do that, i get even more free stuff (they double your hostess benefits for having 10 orders and 2 bookings..i have 4 bookings!). So, I know Jeremy's aunt called and said she would order, so I need to give her a call, then I need 5 more! I am hoping to find them. Because, free is a good price to me! Makenneh stayed for the party, against my better judgment. But, I am more than proud and pleased to say that she was so well behaved. I thanked her and praised her immensely, afterward. She helped pass out the fake money for the game and she sat quietly the rest of the time. Of course, when the show was over and we were able to try on the jewelry, we think she tried on every piece that was set out. She is in love with the jewelry and like her Aunt Carrie, she goes for big and gaudy! I swear Makenneh should have been my sister's kid! She likes the big and gaudy stuff, she loves the music, singing and playing guitar and she loves animals and farms and oh my. She also loves to be in the spotlight and show off...I'm in trouble, aren't i?

Speaking of that, my cousin said that Walmart is doing a fashion show and they need children to model the Easter dresses and such, so Ashley is signing Makenneh up for it! She would love it! Getting to prance around like a princess! She does it all the time. she loves to wear to skirts and dresses and she will prance around here asking if she is pretty?!

Ok, I have to keep this relatively short. I have so much homework/studying that it is making my head spin. I have two chapters worth of review questions to do for our test that is Thurs and I also have to study for said test. THen, I have a paper due for Philosophy..i mentioned this yesterday, didn't i? Yeah, well, as you can see, I need to be hitting hte books!

Keep warm and take care!

I'm still here!

But it's been busy and my computer is now infected with spyware and viruses. Ugh. So, I don't get online more than necessary for homework. But, Julie emailed wanting to know about the car part and realized I hadn't updated since then.

The car part worked, but it was missing the relay switch, so we have to get that part and hew as unable to find it. However, the car is running just fine, as with the cold weather, we shouldn't even need the radiator fan at all. The main problem, as they discovered, was a leak, which has been fixed and he also added some sealant stuff to the antifreeze which helps to seal up any leaks in the lines and such. So, for now, we are good to go. I am still hesitant to drive the car any real distance, but it gets me back and forth to school and stores, etc. Things needed for daily existence.

My jewelry party is tonight. I have to go to the store to get some snacks to serve tonight. I don't think the party is going to turn out that well, i mean, people are broke and who can spare the money to order jewelry. But, Carrie needed a 2nd booking and I was the lucky duck! Now, I have to try to get 2 bookings, myself. I'm not gonna stress about it.

I got 100% on my Human Sexuality test. I am sooo excited about that. That means, I keep a 100% in the class so far! I have a test on Thurs in Psych. I have 2 study sheets I have to to go through and do and we can use those on the test because she has had to combine several chapters in a test bc we had lost so many days with weather. I also have a paper to write for my philosophy of Ethics. It was actually due last night, but i had missed last week (that's when the car died) and my dumb ass never thought to check the syllabus bc all we have done in that class is write notes from his 3 hours of lectures..i figured that's all it would be. But, the teacher was kind enough to let me turn it in next week. Thankfully! That class is graded as follows: 25% on attendance (can only miss 2 days before it drops ur grade), 25% on class assignments, 25% on paper one and 25% on paper two. So, as you can see, no room for error in this class. The bright side, no tests on this abundance of knowledge we receive each week....like 10 pages of notes per class. And the text book doesn't do much help at all. to be honest, I haven't even read more than a page or two.

Today is my *forced* volunteer day for the month. most of you know how I feel about this. I have no problem with volunteering but I hate the fact that the teacher assigns days and we are to show. Well, if we can't, it isn't a huge deal, but the way they set it up sure makes it a big deal to the kids. I struggled with how to handle it today. I have massive amounts of homework and studying to do and that jewelry party tonight (which was booked last month, before I was aware of which day would be my volunteer day). So, here I am....not going to volunteer day. Makenneh didn't ask whose special day it was today so I don't think she realizes yet. She will once she gets to school and this is where knots form in my gut. I know she is going to be upset that I am not going. That's what I hate even more about the assigned days to volunteer. They play on our guilt by making it the child's special day. I know I have complained about this before, but i have some new readers (one, at least). So anyway, it seems to say to the child that they aren't in fact special if mommy or daddy or someone on their behalf doesn't show up to "volunteer". Grrr. I usually ask makenneh if so and so's mommy came in on their special day, to get a feel. it does seem that several times, parents don't make it in. I will do something special for her tonight to make up for it. Gosh, being a parent can be so hard.

Well, I need to get to the store. Get on with my day. It's snowing to beat the band again today. I don't think Spring will ever arrive. I am more than ready to be done with snow and cold. Bring on the jackets and let me put away my darn winter gear.

Keep warm and have a great day!

My sister might have her "gettin' tires" shirt...

So, we have this little joke in our family because my sister had to go get tires for her truck (this took place a couple years ago). Well, the day she happened to go in to get the tires, she had worn a lower cut top (nothing trashy, but certainly wasn't a turtleneck). Well, she ended up getting a good deal on her tires so she joked that she will have to start wearing her "gettin' tires" shirt more often. LOL. Well, today, my mom took me to college and hung out in the lounge for the 17 mins it took me to take my test. We left the college and headed to the junk yard to get the part I needed. I walked into the dark, chilly, damp, smelly office and told the grubby guy that I had called earlier about a radiator fan assembly for a 94 dodge intrepid. The other grubby man went in search of said part. I stood there waiting, afraid to touch anything. I was wearing a soft baby pink sweater and felt rather delicate, even at my very large size, when standing amidst all these grease and grime. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, grubby man number 2 appeared with this big part that was for me. It looked like a greasy model of those window fans you would use. The grubby man number one asked what price he had quoted me on the phone. I told him $45. HE said, "No, i couldn't have. Are you sure?" I said yes. He got out a slip and asked my phone number and then asked again about the price. I was beginning to think he was gonna try to get one over on me bc I was a female. THen, he asked how much money I had. I was taken aback by this. What the hell? I mean, this junk yard isn't located in the best neighborhood. A few years ago, the owner of one those shops was shot down right in front of his business. I said, sarcastically, "oh lots....not". I had seen him write $25 down on the sheet but i figured that was just part of the cost...He says, "how bout $25?" I was like, Oh sure! So, yeah, i walked out with my greasy grimy part and a shit eatin grin on my face. My sister may have her "gettin tires" shirt, but I have my "gettin radiator fan assembly" shirt. LOL. I know this had to be a good deal bc one of the other yards I called quoted me $70. So, that's why i went with the place was cheaper. ANd only to get an even cheaper price. So, I am happy aobut that. Hopefully, tomorrow, Jeremy will spend Vday getting my car fixed. LOL.

Back to the college expedition. I woke up to my mom sitting here in my living room this morning. I was quite shocked. But, it was kinda nice to wake up on my own and not to a disaster out here. Both kids were up and loving the fact that gma was here to great them in the morning. I liked having help with getting the kids ready for the day. We ended up being ready with about an hour to spare. The kids hounded up that entire hour, "when is it time to go?" They aren't used to that much spare time. We took Makenneh to the bus stop, got her on her way to school and headed to college. We arrived almost 45 mins early. We were just making good time. I sat in the lounge with my mom and Sebastian until it was time to leave for class. I left them change for the vending machine and Sebastian had a book and a car. I took the test and it only took me about 17 mins total. I was back to the lounge and my mom couldn't believe that I had already taken the test. I'm quite sure I aced it. The answers were almost obvious for most questions. One question about the researchers who made sexuality a norm to be studied had this as one of the choices for an answer: A. Obama and Clinton. C'mon now. Unless you live in a bubble or under a rock, you know that isn't the answer. the other 3 choices were almost as obvious, at least to me. Process of elimination made most questions easy to answer.

So, I felt a bit better about today. Things ran smoothly and the day flew by. I had my aunt pick me up for my class tonight, bc she has the same class. It is my social work class and the teacher is a social worker in one of the local school districts. She has her Masters in Social work. Well, before class, I went up and asked if having a Masters in SW would enable me to be a counselor/therapist. Sure enough! So, I have finally decided on a career path. With a Masters in Social Work, I can have so many options. There is an entire page listed with possibilities. having this degree would even qualify me to be mayor! lol. (not that the degree is necessary, but makes me qualified, kwim?) So, anyway, overall, today was a good day.

Oh and after the junk yard expedition, we went to walmart. My mom was picking up a few things for dinner tomorrow and I decided to do the same. Jeremy loves Lasagna, so that's what I will make for him. I also picked up one of those Sara Lee Cheesecakes from the freezer section. I know, totally cheating...but with classes, I don't have time to be Betty Crocker. Or gumption, one of the two. At any rate, he will be happy. I have class tomorrow night, so we aren't doing anything too special. I really don't get into valentine's day much like I used to. Growing up, mom loved vday and she always made a big deal out of it. she would decorate the house, pack little love notes in my dad's lunch, leave lipstick love notes on the bathroom mirror, things like that. When i became a teen and had a bf, we made a big deal out of it. I probably spent as much on vday as i did on Christmas. I loved all the pink and red hearts and the candies and flowers and romantic things of the season. Then, i met Jeremy and well, every day really is like Valentine's day. Well, most of them anyway. I fall in love with him deeper every day and I have that mushy kinda love for him all the time. WE still flirt with each other and show our love all the time. So, i guess, I just didn't see the need to get so wrapped up in the day and get upset if he didn't present me with some wonderfully expensive gift or something. Knowing that he is there for the rest of my life is all the gift I need...hallmark won't benefit much from me. LOL. Except for my weakness for greeting cards. OMG, I can't resist the mushy ones. I simply can't. So, i had to buy him one. And one for each of the kids and one for my parents from the kids. So, I did spend some money. Oh and I got each kid a cutesy vday stuffed animal that was 2.97 each. A "hornicorn" for Makenneh (aka, unicorn) bc she loves them and a monkey (need I say more) for Seb that whistles when you press the little button. Of course, Kenneh caught gma bringing the bag in and spotted her hornicorn right away. I had to give them their gifts..she was sooo animated over the hornicorn. Then, we sat down and did her vday cards for her classmates and grandparents and I cooked dinner and off to school I went, without enough time for my own dinner. Thank God for leftover chili when I got home.

Oh and my uncle kept calling today and always at the worst times (trying to get kids out door for bus, on my way to school, etc). He finally talked to my mom while I was in the junk yard and told her that we could move in to his place...i guess he is desperate to get her moved out. He had offered this before, but wanted us to move in there in hopes that she would get frustrated and move out. I refused to be the bad guy. I told him if he wanted to tell her to move out and we do a switch, then that was ok. But, otherwise, no. So, i guess he is ready. I didn't get to talk to him myself...so I don't know. And Im not one hundred percent sure we want to make that move either. It would be better than at my parents, bc it is a more laid back atmosphere...but sometimes, it's too laid back. LOL. Anyway, I guess we will see how the cookie crumbles. Jeremy didn't seem to eager to do it, but sometimes, he over complicates things. I mean, we need to move and the sooner the better. It has gotten to the point that when my uncle calls, i cringe bc i know he is calling to passive-agressively let me know that he wants her out meaning we need to move out. It drives me insane. I want the whole thing over so i can move on to the next chapter in my life, hoping for better times.

I found out from my aunt tonight that our refund checks from college should be dispursed around the 18th of feb, which is about a month sooner than I thought. She talked to someone directly in the Financial aid dept, so they probably know more than the registrar's office. I am hoping that is right. Sooner, the better.

I'm mostly just babbling, i suppose. I love my blog...a place I can put all my scattered thoughts. They certainly need some outlet.

Phew!

Well, Jeremy had looked at the car last night and thought it might be the thermostat. He took it out and tested it and that wasn't the problem. Tonight when he got home, we took the car to my dad's and they discovered it was the radiator fan, as Jeremy had expected. The bad thing is, the part brand new is $300. I have to call around junk yards tomorrow and hope we can get a good one for a much much much cheaper price. I don't know what we are gonna do about moving. All this stuff coming up cuts into the little bit of money we have to move. I did apply for a student loan last week but it can take up to 6 weeks to get it. So, still making lemonade over here! When i got home from Bunco, Jeremy informed me that I would need a ride to school tomorrow. I wanted to melt down. We have a test, so I CANNOT miss. My mom has to work and is using my sister's truck, so there go two possibilities. My uncle is working 2nd shift so he can't. My aunt will be at work and my brother just started a 2nd job recently, leaving nobody that I could think of to take me to school. It especially sucks bc i go to school 20 mins from home and the class is only 1.5 hrs long and probably will let out early tomorrow bc it's a test day. I just called mom and she said that she will tell her boss she has to leave at 1130ish to get me to school. They are slow and she gets sent home early all the time anyway. Then, she will just hang out up at the college while I am in class. I feel much better knowing that it taken care of. Then, I will need a ride to and from my night class tomorrow and Thursday.

On a positive note, I won 2nd place at Bunco tonight and it was a real nice frying pan. I definitely could use a new one. So, i was happy with it.

Well, I need to get off here, finish feeding my internet addiction and get studying for the test. Gah! It's Human Sexuality so you would think it would be easy. But, it's a Sociology class and it covers anatomy/physiology too. Not to mention all those theories on Human sexuality. Freud's theory will probably be easiest, because that one is taught most often. The others...hmmm, not so sure, except that thankfully, their names usually lend insight to the meat of the theories. The feminist theory for example, suggests that there is a hierarchy of power and men hold it and everything that goes on is basically the man getting over on the women. It's kinda pitiful to read because some of it is just well, so damn feminist. bleh. Then the Queer theory (yes there is such a theory) suggests that we need to realize that not everyone falls into these "typical" gender roles and "typical" sexuality and we need to embrace it. So those ones will also be easy to remember. Thankfully it's mostly multiple choice!

Ok, have a great night and if you are one of the many getting snow dumped on them, like we are, stay warm and safe!

Time for lemonade

Life deals lemons...

After getting Makenneh off the bus today, I pull into our parking spot and shut car off...only to see the steam rolling out from under the hood. I knew it wasn't good. I got out and came around to passenger side to get Sebastian out of his car seat and as I reached the front of car, I saw all the beautiful green liquid spewed all over. In fact, it was then that I noticed the lovely trail of green stuff in the snow, down the road. Just like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail. Ugh. I called my dad, who gave me hope that it may have to do with a leak...bc he had noticed a puddle of the antifreeze at his house. Jeremy got home and after looking it all over and talking to my dad on the phone in that foreign language of car mechanics, he decided it might be the thermostat. Took that out (mind you it is frigid cold out today) and tested it only to find that is working properly. Of course it is. IT would have been a cheap and relatively easy fix. So, he surrendered for the evening, because it is just far too cold. Tomorrow he has to tackle a couple more options. He did notice that the coolant fan isn't working. So that could be it. So, btwn my parents and us, we are down to well, an old, beat up truck...that's as old as Jeremy and rigged all over. So basically, no vehicle. Pooey. I had to miss class tonight. Hopefully it can be fixed in time for me to go to class Wednesday. Wed afternoon I have a test. Which I need to be studying for.

Oh and the chart just doesn't seem to phase Makenneh. I am serious when I say my kids just aren't like regular kids. I have pepped the chart up, make a big deal about it and the prizes to be had and all that hoopla. Here she is, in my hear, flapping her jaw still at 10pm. The main thing I wanted for her this week was to be in bed at 9. I get frustrated when she stays up late. I want time for myself and time to unwind. I get short and cranky. Then I feel bad. So, i just filled her chart in, only she missed a few marks today....soooo, already, on Monday (chart starts on Sun) she is off to a bad start. Suggestions, I'll take them. I have two strong-willed children who keep me at or near my wits' end. I have tried most of the common suggestions only to have them backfire in some way or just not be effective. She can be so defiant that I often find myself negotiating with her and that pisses me off to no end. I am the parent, she the child. There shouldn't be room for negotiating (aka, begging, pleading). A swat would get things moving. However, when she is being a brat when it's time to leave her friend's house, well, a swat may not be best. So, there i squatted, nearly begging her to get her coat on and come home. WTF. I wanted to grab her up and take it her out, kicking and screaming. However, the friend's gma was on phone to phone company...so not a time nor place to cause a loud scene. So, i finally coaxed her to come home (pathetic, eh) and she was sent to her room. She is also not allowed over there for awhile. Every single time I allow her to do something fun like that, she is a bear to get home or something of that nature. IT makes me not want to do anything fun/nice with/for her. Get out crafts to do something fun...she doesn't want to clean up when it's time to clean up, she wants more materials than what we have out, she wants this or she wont she do that. Pbbt! NO fun. Better to just skip it all together.

But, don't get me wrong. This cherub like little girl does bring joy along with the hell. She can be the most loving and sweet thing. She usually seems to say the right thing just when I need it the most. She also has the ability to entertain...make you laugh til you cry or make your heart simply melt. She is forever making up new songs or dances and loves to have an audience watch her performances of such things. She also loves to tell silly jokes. So, it's not all misery, by no means. Just test of the patience and sanity. Insanity is inherited ..... from your children. I am sure of it! And before i could even finish that paragraph, she was out like a light. Just poof, sleeping. Whew!

Tomorrow night is Bunco. I really look forward to this every month (mostly) except when there is drama involved. I suppose it is a bit much to ask to have 12 women together once every month and not have some sort of drama. But things have been smoothing out, lately. Of course, we have about 4 spots we need to fill. At the beginning of the year, I type up a sheet with the rules and gentle reminders, bc these ladies tend to forget that this only happens once a month, it's voluntary and therefore, if you don't want to be there or if you have better things to do or if your social life is otherwise too full, please don't come. I don't get why anyone wouldn't be able to be free of cell phones and drama for a few hours a month. It's beyond me. Put the damn phones on vibrate and only answer if it's an emergency. And your hubby or kids calling to see when you will be home IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. You tell them before you leave that it won't be over until about 9 or 10 and don't expect me home until 20 mins or so after that. There. Don't call unless it's an emergency. Thankfully, my hubby can handle the fort for a few hours. I guess he is one of a rare breed. LOL.

Boy, ive been long-winded lately. Lots to say. Mostly, im finding that some things have to come out and this is about the safest place for them to erupt.

Oh i have to brag! Got my first paper back in Human Sexuality. got 100%! I am so proud of me. He even wrote comments like, "great intro" "great point" etc. And I also have gotten all points possible on the in class assignments meaning my grade in there right now is a 4.0. Go me! Haven't really had any assignments in any other classes. Of course, we have had so many snow days that it's crazy.

I was roped into hosting a jewelry party for my sister. She had one and if she had 2 ppl bring guest lists to the party, she got extra hostess credit. I couldn't say no. So, my party is the 19th. The sad thing is, I don't even care about "accessorizing". My extent of jewelry is my wedding and engagement rings, the ring handed down to me from my gma and the cheap lil ring that came in a set from Walmart I had gotten Makenneh. She wanted me to have one and I picked the silver one. It's just a band. Strangely enough, ive worn it for about a year and it has not tarnished or turned my finger green or anything. I did find some pieces in the book that I like, but most of it is just too expensive imo. It's "high end" fashion jewelry, so it's not fine jewelry. I can get stuff at Walmart, Claires, wherever for a fraction of the price. And really, I just don't get into matching all my accessories. I have a pair of tennis shoes, a couple pair of chunky heel shoes and a pair of boots and a pair of those now in style flats. Almost all shoes are in black. I have no collection of purses. I buy a brown or black one and use it for all purposes. LOL. The only advantage is that it comes with a lifetime replacement. Great. But really, even if i paid 7.00 at walmart and had to rebuy it 3 or 4 times, I would still be ahead of the game. LOL.

So, my mother in law's bday was yesterday. I told Jeremy numerous times to call her. He never did. I must admit to a tiny shred of guilt. But, I put the ball in his court, he dropped it. I guess I should've at least had the kids call and wish her a happy bday. I just don't want to talk to the woman. The very thought of her makes me want to puke. She hasn't attempted any contact at all since Christmas Eve. Of course, that goes both ways, i suppose. But, we have no desire to talk to her. I do have a gift for her. I bought it after Christmas, on clearance. I guess if we don't see her, i will save it for something else. It's just a giftset thing. Grr..i accidentally hit Ctrl and I and so i got italics and they won't come off. OH well. I guess this section will just appear more important. Hmmm..why does it do that on here? Any time italics are engaged, they never go away.

Anyway, i guess i wrap it up. bc it's bugging me. Geesh, i need a vacation or something...everything is bugging me these days.

That's a bit better

I am currently using a wireless key in our pc. My cousin's fiance gave it to us and we are able to connect to their internet bc they live so close. It sure does move a lot faster. The bad part is, the connection isn't always that good, so there are times when it doesn't want to let me on. But not nearly as bad as the dial up.

I kept Makenneh home from school all last week (a couple were snow days, so she only missed 2 days) bc she had that bad cold that is going around. Her teacher/aid complain when kids come in coughing (and I think i might have mentioned this before) and they tell the kids that they shouldn't be in school "sick". Well, once the cough progressed to congestion, sneezing and all that, I kept her home. The problem is, she is still coughing (mostly at night). It is back to a more dry cough. I don't think it's good to keep her out any longer. I mean, this stuff is going around, back and forth and could be awhile before it leaves for good. Luckily, it's only Headstart and so she isn't "falling behind" but she is missing out on the educational opportunities, social activities, etc. I really think i will send her tomorrow. I may just send a note to the teacher that I felt she had missed enough class time and that seems how the cough is no longer full of phlegm, I am sending her. IF they want me to come get her, they can call my cell. I just can't see keeping a kid home for a cough. There is no fever, diarrhea, vomiting, rash, runny nose, fatigue, etc.


I found an ad in our classified for a home for rent in the town nearby (where we wanted to move anyway). It's a 3 bedroom, basement, but ad says small. I can deal with small, afterall, it can't be smaller than a 2bdrm mobile home, right? LOL. ANyway, it's only a $200 deposit and the rent is less than we would have had to pay if we would have went with financing that other mobile home....by like $100. I am going to call on it in the morning and hope and pray that it is still available and that we can get it. It would be a dream come true. I was reminded tonight why there is no way i could live with my parents. I was on the verge of tears. The kids are a handful, I will not deny it. But, my dad seems to think that things are just black and white and simple. He will make comments that just upset me. Tonight, I went over there around 7pm just to visit. Makenneh started whining about something or another and I don't even remember what led up to this comment, but he was like, "it's 8 oclock, you should be in bed. It's a school night," blah blah blah. Yeah, she should be getting ready for bed/in bed. He doesn't need to make comments like that, though. Kinda like passive/agressive digs is how i take them. Then, i mean, he had made several p/a comments in the 30 mins we were there. Makenneh was being mouthy, whiney, etc and I decided it was just time to go home. Of course, my mom gets defensive any time dad says anything to the kids. Even if it is something that needs to be said. She thinks they shoudl be able to pretty much do as they please and not be scolded. Well, she was getting pissed at him tonight and kept saying, "i just don't know why he has to be so damn mean..." blah blah blah. I do "get" my dad. I can understand where he is coming from. It doesn't mean that some of the things he says don't hurt or upset me. But, i try not to dwell on them. She does though. And then they argue. She then suggested that we go down to my uncle's. (he lives right down the road). So we get in the car and she says, "he is getting it when i get back. It's bullshit. I already have one grandkid i never get to see." The thing is, I think she is so afraid that I will keep the kids from them that she tries to do everything to ensure it. I am quite open about my parenting skills (and often, lack there of). I know what I should do different and I know what I need to be doing. I wouldn't let a few comments from him keep them from the kids. Grandparents are important and he doesn't say/do things detrimental. The kids both think the world of him and I will always do my part to continue to foster that kind of a relationship. Anyway, i suppose this part was just more of a vent. But the bottom line is, I was reminded of how it wouldn't work to have us all under the same roof. And really, rightfully so. My kids are heathens most times. They don't have a set bedtime (by my own fault) and they are who they are because that's how I've made them. Bottom line. When I should have been making the mold and setting the boundaries, I was stuck in a deep, dark hell of depression. I did what I had to do to survive each hour. I did a lot of pacifying to save peace. I couldn't cope and it was better to just give in than to battle. Better at the time. I was simply too weak. I am now trying to undo all of that and it is far harder to do at this point. It's now a matter of reforming an already set mold. Anyway...enough of that. LOL.

After hearing about Julie's success with the chart, I have decided to give it yet another try. The chart is a dry erase Scooby Do one I had gotten from a fundraiser. It has categories and you write in the specific "chores" or whatever. Well, at first, I had quite a bit on there. There is a section for "taking care of me, minding my p's and q's, at school, playtime and then home sweet home". I had written a few things for each category. Well, i realized that if i want to change the behaviors, I need to pick one at a time and work on them. So, today, I erased all that I had and started over. I crossed off a couple sections..school bc well, she has no issues as school and why put more on there to be overwhelming. I crossed off p's and q's bc she does use her manners most of the time and those aren't the issue. The main thing I want to start with, I think, is bedtime. So that one is on there. The rest are just a few simple things (bathroom-wiping, flushing, washing, which she has done, for example). I figure, concentrate on the bedtime and then after that is mastered, add in something else. I am going to also borrow Julie's idea of buying up some little prizes to have on hand, for her to choose from each week. I am really hoping to see some success with it. Then, if i could only get Sebastian to stay out of mischief, I would have it made.

My boy child is something all his own. He is the most adorable little creature. His bright blonde hair, big blue eyes. Steals your heart instantly. But, inside, he is almost full monkey. Stubborn monkey. He loves to climb, jump on furniture, from furniture, onto the counter, nothing is safe from him. And then, he can't help but get his tiny little hands on all the things he shouldn't. Video games, movies, plants, you name it. I have said that he is God's way of showing me that Makenneh's toddlerhood wasn't really that bad. LOL. I used to think that Makenneh was a monster. In reality, she was pretty easy. she would play (still does), never really got into things to make messes and/or break things. never put things in her mouth. SEbastian is opposite. He could have all the toys in the North Pole and he isn't going to play with them (unless you told him he couldn't). He gets into everything, puts everything (even bugers, tmi, i know) in his mouth. Gah! But then, he loves to climb up and cuddle and look at you with those big blue eyes, framed by the thick, dark eyelashes and the heart melts. I often wonder how such a beautiful child could be so monstrous!

Well, i suppose I've rambled enough. My fingers tell me I have. I have my first test for the semester and it's in my Human Sexuality class. I have been trying to study here and there, but I am so nervous about it. I don't know what exactly to expect. He did give us a study guide so that will be helpful. But we have to know about the 10 theories related to sexuality and the different cultures/countries/eras that contribute to our views on sexuality and those things along require a lot of information to commit to memory. The plus side is the test is multiple choice (25 questions) and true/false (5) and 2 essays. he already gave us the essay questions so i am going to answer them all out and study them. those are worth 20 pts each.

Oh and I emailed my Psych teacher the other night to ask about class. We have only met the first week and have been canceled every week since. She said not to worry, she is giving us a new schedule next time we meet. Whew! (i think, lol).

Well, im off to finish my rounds and get to sleep!

Please wish me luck/say a prayer that this rental house goes thru for us! It would definitely be a blessing!

I could bitch

but what fun is that? Im on my cousin's laptop bc my internet and/or computer has just decided to not cooperate. What gives? I had to apply for my student loan today, so I just borrowed my cousins laptop while she is out for the day. In order to do the application for the loan, i had to call the place bc i couldn't remember my username/password. The guy stayed on the phone with me the entire length of the application. A very nice gesture, in deed, to make sure that I have done everything correctly and to answer any questions as they come up. the problem was, I have an almost 5 yr old and an almost 3 yr old who find themselves unable to maintain decency while mom spends quite some time on a business call. It started with Seb going to my bedroom and getting out my game (battle fo the sexes) and strewing it all over my bedroom. every last piece. I pull him out of my room and bring him out here, kicking and screaming the whole way(gosh mr. loan guy must have been so amused by it all, but mroe likely he was irritated as i was). SEb heads back there AGAIN this time getting all the video games out. I am really ready to duct tape him in a mummy form...from say his neck to his toes. I finally get him to sit and watch a movie...only to have makenneh whining from bedroom to help her untie her dog leash. I cover mouthpiece of phone (trying to be kind to mr. loan man) and tlel her that i cannot do that right now bc i was on phone, so she would need to wait until the call was finished. she continued to whine. she then came out and sat right next to me to whine, yell and otherwise act a fool demanding that i go do that for her. Close your eyes if you find this offensive, but i swatted her lips. She was so darn disrespectful it makes me want to spit tacks. Of course, once i was off phone, they both acted fine. Now, i know they just couldn't stand to not have my undivided attention but they both need to learn that they can't always have it. I have things i need to do to make things functional for all of us.

Sigh. I survived. but my blood pressure is surely thru the roof right now. THey are out playing in the snow. I can see and hear them from here, so all is well. I can pretend to be in blissful silence, while hearing them and seeing htem and knowing that a pane of glass separates us. i will survive.

We were dumped on with snow over the past 24 hours or so. At least a foot, probably more. Schools and some businesses are even closed. Our college closed yesterday at 3. I didn't have to go to my evening class last night nor tonight. Of course ,the class i have tonight is Psych. The bad thing is, we have only had class once. Yep, once. The first week of winter semester, we met. The next week, teacher canceled for reasons unknown. Then last week our campus was closed due to weather/power outage. Tonight is canceled for weather. Hmmm.

Next...is the move. I am still just as unsure as ever. They lowered the price but we are still $1k short. I thought I would be getting my refund from financial aid soon, but the school says not til beginning of march. So, I am at a loss, once again. That check will give us what we need, but i doubt the place is gonna wanna wait a month. Who knows. I will have to call them today to see what they are willing to do. Meanwhile, staying here, cuts into the funds we have for moving...more rent, etc. We can move to my parents but i don't have anywhere for my stuff and we dont' want to move twice in one month....that doesn't even sound appealing. I hate being so damn close yet so far away. I cannot wait to be done with school and onto a career that pays enough to leave all this crap behind. And I promise now, as i have before, that 1.) I will look back on these days and laugh and 2.) I will do something beneficial with my career to help those less fortunate.

Well, mom just called and she is coming to get makenneh and have her stay the night. Woohoo! (hey, how bout i pack seb in her suitcase?). LOL. So, im off here to finish my rounds online, not knowing when i will have the chance to do so again. THen have to get kenneh packed.
later!

What does God eat?

That was Makenneh's question, tonight. Hmmm, food for thought?! Luckily my mom was here to help with that one. We told her that we don't think He needs to eat anything, because in Heaven, everything is perfect and tried to keep it simple. We also talked about the Last Supper. But, really, I am thinking now...there must be food in heaven...all the good food without the calories and fat, right? LOL.

My internet connection is still horrible. Actually, it's worse. I did find out Monday that the school is having issues with their isp, which is probably why I am having problems. I have low speed connection and then get booted all the time. It's horrible. Most sites won't even load before timing out. *sigh*. I have found that using Explorer vs. Mozilla seems to help. Not sure if it's just coincidence or not, though.

Phone line is also full of static. Can't really use it because too damn hard to hear the other person and for them to hear me. I called the phone company today and she said she could put in a repair ticket for me but had to notify me that there is a possibility I would be charged for the visit should the problem be in my lines inside. She had given me two suggestions to try..one was to unplug phone completely for 5 mins to reset the line. Still staticy. The other suggestion was to take a corded phone to the box outside and plug directly into that. If there was still static, that means it is in their lines. Well, i walked out to our meter area, and couldn't find any such box. Of course, i wasn't about to go crazy opening every different box out there. So, I need to send Jeremy out there to do that. I will then call them back to fix it. I may just do that anyway, because i am certain it is in their end. This phone company is notorious for staticy lines. Every time the wind blows, it rains or snows, look out. I grew up with this phone company and it has always been that way. So, im rather frustrated...limited internet and limited phone. Grrrr!

Need some prayers. My dad was laid off Friday. Monday, my mom was heading to town in their car and it died. The motor is bad. They still owe a few thousand dollars on it. Mom was crying. She is so overwhelmed with their financial situation right now. I tried to assure her that everything would work out..it always does. I reminded her that during these times she has to let God carry her. It is so hard for her to give up that control, but sometimes, you have to get through the dark spots. Of course, she has been feeling so darn down lately that she was making comments about how she would rather die. So, to try to help her see the bright side, i couldn't say, "it could have been worse, you could have been hit by another car" bc to her, right now, that wouldn't be worse. Ironically, the night before, she had had a dream. She dreamed she had died and she was looking down....she saw my dad standing in their dining room sobbing. He was so lost and heart broken and didn't know what to do. The irony is, she seems to have this mindset that we don't need her. She has soaked her entire existance into her husband and kids. WE are grown and need her less and it's been hard for her deal with. I remind her all the time that I will always need her. I honestly couldn't even imagine my life without her, to be honest. But, anyway, she is also so sure that my dad wouldn't care or whatever. (major insecurities). That dream seemed so real to her and I told her that maybe that was a message. She had been making the comments about just dying and someone was showing her that what she would leave behind would be a lot of hurt and sorrow. I told her also that while dad had a smile and was joking about the car thing (being lighthearted about it), i said, inside he is probably dying worrying about how he is going to get this taken care of (they now have no vehicle, except the old truck which is a 72 and all kinds of hillbilly rig jobs). I told her that he puts on that facade for her benefit bc he doesn't want her to worry. She needs to realize that just because he seems aloof or unconcerned doesn't mean that he doesn't care. It's a defence mechanism. It's something he does to protect her, as well. So, if anything good came out of the car dying, it was that maybe, my mom is able to see inside my dad's head a bit better and also realize that life sucks sometimes, but you have to just trudge forward. If she would get rid of her negative attitude, it would be a lot better. So, yeah, prayers for them if you could, please! Oh and to add to the whole money mess....my mom was pulling into my uncle's last week and it was icy. She was in the ol' truck and well, slid right into my uncle's roommate's car. It cracked the bumper and did something to the hood. Well, she doesn't want an insurance claim bc that would raise her rates and she is drowning in car ins. hell now. Luckily, my dad does body work on cars and can fix it at cost, no problem. Except, that it's more money out their pocket, with him being laid off. It just seems to be one thing after another.

The home hunting for us is about at a dead end. The fact is, it is going to be next to impossible to find anything for around the same that we are paying now. Too much more than that would ruin us. We struggle now...so higher rent would just kill us. There isn't many expenses we have now that can be cut out. Internet is free and that's really the only "luxury" we have. I called the office where we are at now and she said it would be easiest if i came in to see what all they had. Well, I stopped in there today, after getting Makenneh off the bus and she said that our application had been denied?! Well, teh application they submitted was the one they had us fill out after moving in here, so that they would have record of who was living here. We have it set up that we are just staying here, without paying the lady rent because if we were paying her rent, it is considered subleasing and isn't allowed. So, anyway, they still wanted something on file with us listed as occupants because by law, they have to have that. Well, when i filled out that app, i just listed my name and then put his as an occupent. So, of course, when they ran it, it came up no credit and I have no job. So, that's why it was denied. So, she said i needed to have Jeremy fill out the co-ap part and then they woudl run it. But, now, Im skeptical bout it going through. I just hate rejection. I realize our credit is not the best and so i am always worried about that. I don't understand though why we would be denied for living here, when we were approved at the other place, which is higher lot rent and we were approved for a loan in addition to that, for the balance of the trailer. So, it should be ok. I just worry about it. All i can do is try though. I really don't want to live here, to be honest. I just don't know how to explain any reason behind it, not even sure if there is...i just don't feel "at home" here. My mom suggested we move in with them, get everything straightened out, save up more money and then get a place. It's a great offer. I just don't know if i can handle living there. ANd I know they won't be able to handle us living there. LOL. THe kids will drive them both crazy for sure. LOL. They are used to peace and quiet and order. And my mom's negative outlook drives me to the brink of insanity as it is. I couldn't imagine dealing with it all day every day. Ok, it wouldn't be all day bc we both have places to be and such. But still, it would be far more than i deal with it now. And let's be honest....my sex life would die. I don't think I could consciously have sex in my parents' house. Especially not considering that the room we would stay in is the one right next to their bedroom. I am feeling ill just thinking about it. LOL. The pros though, are that we could save up some money, we could help them out at the same time, car issues would be a bit better (well, idk, really, considering that as of right now, mine is the only one out of the cars, that is running and that's on it's last wheel), babysitting issues might be a bit easier. Cons - no privacy, two families under one roof, different lifestyles (as inmy kids get away with things we never were allowed to and for instance, the bed time issues would be a problem...we were in bed at X time, no ifs ands or buts about it...my kids don't follow a set bed time..things like that). It could be good that perhaps my kids would become more scheduled...But bad in that, my mom thinks these precious angels shouldn't be disciplined and that they should be able to do as they please. IF my dad gets after them, she gives him the evil eye and/or says something along the lines of, "don't say/do that"...blah blah. I have to remind her that if the kids are out of line, they need to be corrected, grandkids or not! LOL. So, i could see it being a point of contention amongst my parents.

I decided that I will just let it lay for a little while and see how I feel then. I am known for making quick decisions that end up disasterous (that's why Im in this spot now). so, for once, i am going to take a little time to mull it over. In the meantime, im praying like no other, that something comes through. A great part of me feels that something will.

The wind is blowing like mad out there. WOW. They weren't joking about high winds. I had to go out there and collect my garbage can and put everything to the back of the porch, bc it's being tossed around like leaves out there. I'm not certian this whole place won't blow away, that's how high the winds are right now. LOL. Crazy weather, i tell ya. Yesterday and today was kinda warm. Ok, 40s. Tomorrow is supposed to be like 16*. That's how this winter has gone...it will get cold, snow, get even colder, then get warmer, rain, snow disappears, then it starts all over again. Snow has pretty much all melted, now it's time for cold and more snow! Hopefully the winds have died down before I have class tomorrow. I don't even want to walk across campus in this stuff! Nor do I want to wait at Makenneh's bus stop. Of course, I am thinking of keeping her home tomorrow. I am undecided. She has a cough..no runny nose, no fever, nothing of the sort..just a cough. Well, I've been sending her to school, bc you can't keep them home every time they cough. Especially not living in MI. Anyway, she said today when she got off the bus that her teacher said she should have stayed home bc she is sick. WTF?! I don't doubt it because when I have been in there on my "volunteer" days, I have heard them say things like that. The one girl had a cough and teacher says, "are you sick?" Of course, the kid says yes. Teacher said, "well when we are sick, we are supposed to stay home." Grrrr. I understand keeping them home with flu (diarhea, vomiting), fever, running nose, coughing up phlegm, etc. But, like I said, if i kept her home for her coughing, she would have been home all damn week. Does the teacher not realize that cough can be associated with things like allergies? Not exactly contagious. LOL. It's very dry in here right now and that is probably more of why she is coughing than anything. So, anyway, im babbling. I kinda think I'll keep her home, bc i don't want her being bullied at school by the teacher for being there iwth a damn cough. But, i don't want her to get in the habit of missing school for everything. I had very poor attendance in school bc i would find every reason to stay home. It is a bad habit and one that is hard to break. I want her to have good attendance habits. I also don't want her missing out on education bc she is home wiht a cough. Heck, when you get bronchitis, for example, my doc has told me that hte cough can persist for up to 4-6 weeks after...can't imagine keeping a child home that damn long. Crazy.

Well, I guess I have caught up with my thoughts for now. Who knows when I will be able to come back to blog..depends on how tempermental my connection wants to be! So, in the meantime, keep warm and take care!

My husband rocks!

But he's still on my shit list! LOL. He rocks because he cleaned like mad after he got home from work. He is on my shit list because he didn't go with me to my parents' for dinner. He never likes to go anywhere. He sucks sometimes! Oh well.

So, we're approved for both the park and the loan, however, it would make our payment double what we pay now and that's just not gonna work. We were gonna go with a cheaper home (like, half the price of the one we applied for) and just pay cash, but the damn thing sold today! Doesn't that figure? So, now we are kinda back at square one. I just wanted to bury my head in the sand earlier. I feel a bit better now. I just want to get this whole move thing done and out of the way and over with. I want a place to settle into and call home. OH well, such is life. Brush myself off and go at it all again starting Monday. All I can do.

I filled out my app for next semester's financial aid. I got my SAR today via email. Woohoo. I am hoping i can get a loan soon. It would be a great help, that's for sure. I just can't wait til all this is done and I can move on to bigger, better things in life. But, the bottom line is, these are all choices i have made and I have to deal with them and work through them. Can't go back and change things, just learn from them and do the best we can to move in the right direction.

My dad got laid off today. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. One of the guys is going to fight to get my dad back, asap and actually, he won't know for sure if he is laid off until Monday. I mean, they told him he was laid off yesterday but came to him today and said that they were trying to get him back on. So, he is in job purgatory, i call it. The stinky thing is, unemployment is only a portion of what he makes when working and well, it will put them in a tight bind for sure. Especially if the lay off lasts any longer than a few weeks to few months. Of course, my mom is a basket case. She always expects doom and gloom and that's all she sees. I think it's almost impossible for her to see the positive or be optimistic. And it seems, the older she gets, the worse it gets. I am so thankful i get my life outlook from my father. WE just take things in stride. Yeah, i might stress over things, but not for long. IT is what it is. There are some things we have control over,others we don't. The things I can't control are not worth stressing over. I have learned one thing in my life...everything always works out. it does. And I have to sort of chuckle, because I have taken on a more liberal stance in life than my very conservative upbringing. My mom questions my thoughts/ideas/feelings and even worries about my faith sometimes. The truth is, as I told her, I probably have more "faith" than she does. AT least, I certainly trust mine more than she does. I know that God has a purpose for me and that He will also carry me when i can't carry myself. So many times He has. It takes a certain amount of blind faith to see the hard times through. You have to surrender control and hand it over to God.

*********Intermission while I played several songs on Guitar Hero III********************

That's my little guilty pleasure. I am not so good at it, but I love to try. I have finally been able to actually finish songs with 80-90% accuracy. But, boy do my fingers, hands and wrists hurt! I do not know how those ppl can play that for hours on end without being in pain! And I play on easy...couldn't imagine if my poor fingers had to attempt to move any faster than that.

I know I should definitely be in bed. But I am rather enjoying the complete silence that surrounds me. Knowing i can be as loud as i want (well, within reason...Jeremy is sleeping) and not have to worry about waking kids. But, why would I want to be loud and shatter the perfect silence that I am rather enjoying? I wouldn't, so that's why i sit here, quietly. And the area around me is clean, for a change. I love when he cleans. It is such a great feeling to be able to enjoy a clean house without having to be the one to actually clean it. Hmmm, though, i wonder just what it is that he wants? LOL. I'm really teasing, bc it's not uncommon for him to get a wild cleaning hair up his you-know-where and go through and clean like a madman. I don't get in his way when he feels this way. I usually find somewhere to be, usually within a different zip code! I take the kids of course, to facilitate his urge to clean. Wouldn't want any tiny creatures to bring a halt to his efforts, now would we? Sometimes, i stay and help him though. It depends how in depth he is and the mood he is in. Tonight, i already had plans for dinner at my parents, so he was on his own anyway. If he didn't want to clean, he could have gotten his ass ready and went with me! Hmph! LOL. I am really over it now. I was a bit angry (just a little bit, seriously) earlier. But, it's hard to stay angry when I sit here enjoying a clean house.

Well, my eyes are gooping and watering and begging me to remove the contacts and let them rest. I shall listen to them. If i can draw the strength and energy to go take contacts out and go to bed. Hahaha. If that isn't the epitome of laziness right there, i don't know what it.

I hope you all know that I am being somewhat sarcastic, suddenly. Don't know where it all came from, but it's there. I am making myself out to sound like quite the lazy cow. My poor husband has to come home from a long, hard day of work to clean and slave away in the home while I am off playing. Really, it's not as it sounds, I promise. And I have had to put in a good bit of work to get him to this point. It hasn't been easy, I'll tell ya. I started out with simple reprimands, but then those were working, so we moved to a pretty pink leather whip thing....well, turns out he enjoyed that. Next step was the cattle prod. That'll get anyone moving, trust me! So, he has learned to just do what will make me happy because, "A happy wife equals a happy life." Hahahhahaha! Joking. I don't brow beat him into doing much of anything. He is quite a stubborn mule, truth be told. Sometimes he is too stubborn for his own darn good.

Yeah, it's way past my bed time. I am spewing off some crazy talk. I kinda find it rather amusing though.

Oh and before I forget (bc i do forget a lot), Leigh Ann, the reason I had a home visit through the school is because Makenneh is in HeadStart and they require 2 of them per year. I am not exactly sure as to the reasoning behind it, but that's the deal. Most likely, it could be because HS deals with families with low income or children with need. so, they probably figure they should come out, check the place out, make sure the home has electricity and running water and all that. No, really,i have no idea. i would like to think that there is some legit region why they do things this way.

OK, eyes are going crossed and drool is about to start a-coming~!

Good Night all!

Misc.

I have several things on my mind this morning...well some have been on my mind, but this is the first time I have sat to type. The first thing, which totally appalls me, is the fact that my uncle FORCED his two teenage daughters to get baptized a few weeks ago. I had known the girls were baptized, but i didn't think much of it, despite the fact that until very recently, they hadn't even been going to church or anything. Well, the girls told me this weekend that their dad forced them and the younger one (12) said she was very scared. Ok, scared is a normal feeling, I think, when dealing with baptism, but the fact that it was forced makes my stomach twist and turn into knots. Something as intimate and personal as baptism, in our faith, should be decided willingly by the person being baptized. Otherwise, what good does it really do? Not to mention, I am so afraid that him forcing religion so spitefully onto these teens (16 and 12) is just going to turn the away from the religion. Both girls talk very negatively about the whole God/religion right now and it breaks my heart. God isn't the problem. It's their father. The dumb ass. Ugh, i can't say how freakin upset this makes me. The main reason he is suddenly wanting them in church, forcing baptism, etc, is bc he thinks that by taking (errrr, forcing them) to church, the oldest one won't be gay anymore. Well, I don't think that is a good enough reason. The truth is, she is going to be who she is and fortunately, God still loves her, whether her own dad does or not. It would be wonderful if all this church going would speak to his heart. Grrrr. And while we are on the same subject of *him* I will add my second vent. As I posted the other night, my sister had the opportunity to sing on stage with a local band. So, a bunch of us went out to support her. I needed the girls (cousins mentioned above; yes, folks, I let my gay cousin babysit my kids, i know, *gasp*...grrrr) to babysit, so i asked my aunt and uncle if they wanted to come. I figured he would not otherwise let the girls babysit, bc he likes to keep them on a short leash. Well, they don't have money, so we said we would buy them some drinks. (We got our income taxes back, otherwise, wouldn't have been able to do that). Anyway, we all go. He has slipped back into his old alcoholic self, so it would seem. (And despite all those Sundays in the pews). My brother, Matt and his gf, Sara, some of Sara's friends, Carrie's friends, some cousins, my parents, me and Jeremy, aunt and uncle, all went. Well, at some point, later in the night, Uncle decides that while dancing on the dance floor, he would cop a feel on one of Sara's friends. Mind you, this girl (I say girl, she is in her 20s) is pregnant and taken (she is with one my brother's friends). Well, my brother found out that Uncle was feeling up this girl's leg and whoa, let's just say the shit about hit the fan. The only saving grace was my dad being there and talking to Matt that he (uncle) isn't worth going to jail for. But, this isn't the first time that uncle has done this kind of shit. Every damn time he drinks, he gets too friendly. Well, i can't say every time. He dried up for awhile and wasn't drinking and then he started drinking very casually and was fine for that time...he wasn't feeling up on all the females, starting fights, etc. But, last night proved that he is back to his old self again, which means, we will not be inviting him anywhere where there is alcohol. I am so disgusted by him. It's bad enough to feel up on someone, but it's worse when that person is freaking pregnant. it makes *me* feel dirty and gross. I can't imagine how violated she must've felt. I wish she would've made a scene by smacking his across his face. But, i think she didn't know how to react bc he was with our group. Like she prob thought she didn't want to cause any problems. But, that wouldn't have upset any of us. When a man touches a woman inappropriately, he best expect to get smacked. So, yeah, he is just on the very top of my *shit list* right now. *SPIT*

I went to walmart last night and got myself a new outfit and new shoes. You know those silly flats that everyone is wearing right now? Yeah, i got a pair. they are only 7.50 and I am trendy for probably the first time in my life. LOL. I also got the kids a set of hat and gloves and I had to get kenneh these one boots. They are brown suede, look much like cowboy boots but girly. They were clearance for 11.00. I wasn't going to get them, but being that they were marked down, well i had to. *I just gave the kids their stuff and Makenneh loves the boots. She wants to wake her cousins up right now to show them!*

Last night, before the trip to Walmart, I got in the shower. Seems odd to mention just a normal activity, right? Except that, when i went to step out of hte shower, my foot slipped and weeeee, i landed right on my ass. As I was going down, i grabbed hold of the towel bar and thankfully it broke my fall or rather, slowed it down. So, i sorta fell in slow motion, yelling out for Jeremy as I was going down. He came running. At first, nothing seemed to hurt. He helped me up and I realized that my toe was bleeding. Somehow, I managed to slice my big toe, all down the side. The side that rubs against my 2nd toe...so yes, it hurts, bad. This morning, my body aches.

Makenneh and I have no school today, in honor of Martin Luther King day. My plan for the day is to go look at homes and have it narrowed down to a few. When Jeremy gets home tonight, we will go back and make a decision and hopefully move soon! I should be utilizing the help I have here, by packing some things up. I just haven't been in the mood to do it. I guess it's just so overwhelming!

Well, I am gonna get off here and finish my rounds...then get ready for the day! Happy Monday!

Only have a minute

I haven't really been online much in the last few days. But, I wanted to post real quick. My sister got another opportunity to sing with a local band on stage! It's her favorite band and she even received guitar lessons from one of the members. Now, this will be her second time on stage, singing with them. We have rallied up quite a bunch to come out and support her. She loves her music and dreams of singing on stage (beyond her regular karaoke). This is like a dream come true to her. I am so proud of her! We are going out to show our support tonight. So, it's a double winner for us..a night and getting to see my sis perform live on stage. Granted, it's at a local bar, but everyone has to start somewhere. Some day we just might see her name in lights. Although, to be honest, I don't think she has intentions or desires to be Nashville big or anything..she just thoroughly enjoys singing and wants to make that a part of her life....sharing her music.

And school for me? Let me puke. I sat in my Psych class (did i post this already? i swear im losing my mind) ready to break. I was soooo nervous about this class. It is going to be a real college course, for sure. None of that slackin off and pulling a 4.0 for this class, im sure. WE have a huge Scientific Methods research project that if we don't pass with a 2.0 or better, we can't even pass the class,period. Wow, talk about a lot of pressure. I was really freakin out as I sat there thurs. As the night went on, I relaxed a bit, because I see that the teacher is really willing to work with us and she is going to take us step by step through this process. So, i think it will be ok. Still a lot of work, but doable. She said right in class, and has it written in her syllabus, that this course does require 3-9 hours of homework/studying, aside from the time spent in class. IN fact, the actual idea is that for every 3 credit course, you should plan to spend 3-9 hrs outside of class. Yikes. Start doing the math on that. I have 4 3 credit classes. Multiply that by 3-9 hrs each. Let's take 6 hours as a medium. 4X6=24 hrs. Thats on top of the 12 hrs or so spent in the classroom. That's a full time job. Add to that having a husband and 2 kids and all I have to say is that any young kids reading this need to take this into consideration. Do college while you are young and have far less responsibility. It is so much easier. I will admit that i feel some anxiety about it all. I know i can do it and i just have to take it one day, one class at a time. I just can't help but stepping back and glancing at the whole picture. Of course, it's when i do this that I feel the most anxiety.

Anyway, i said i had a minute and well, ive used several. Time to go check my pants to see if they are dry.

This old dinosaur

Yeah, I'm talking about my computer. The thing is about 4.5 yrs old and was built by my brother-in-law, using mostly parts he already had available...not new ones. So, who knows how old it really is. Anyway, it is showing its age for sure. Everything goes so darn slow (though not nearly as slow as my mom's 10 yr old pc..how that thing still boots up is beyond me).

Anyway, I have 3 classes down and one to go...well for first days that is. Tonight was my social programs class. It's actually part of the social work technician program offered at the college. I took it as an elective more or less, bc i needed one more class to make me full time. It seems like it is going to be a very fun class. Definitely laid back and interactive. And the best part? The major projects involve culture....ring a bell from last semester? I was like, Humph, i have this one in the bag! LOL. Of course, I am not guaranteed to be able to pick my own topic (not sure how she will go about assigning the project), but if i get my choice, you better bet, I'm picking English culture...work mostly done. Well, ok, I honestly am not sure I saved all that work, but I do have the notes and such and besides, it won't be hard to recall most of it. But, even if i have a different culture, I will know the basics bc I had to listen to the presentations of fellow classmates last semester. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that perhaps, I would choose another topic if given the chance, just so i could learn more about yet another culture. Hmmmm. Anyway, the class is fun and I will certainly look forward to it every Wednesday night.

Tomorrow is General Psychology. I am hesitant about this class, simply bc i took it (partly) before and it's not the "fun" stuff but rather the guts (eeer, brains) of Psychology. It deals a lot with the chemicals and functioning of the brain and why and how things can go awry.

I don't know if i have mentioned this, but there has been somewhat of a monkey-wrench thrown into my goals for a career. I will sort through the ideas here...bc well, where else would I do such thing? You can all be tortured along with me.

My heart was (and really still is) set on becoming a counselor. It has really been a deep seeded ambition of mine. One I kept locked up tightly for fear of all the years of school it would require. Humph..what was i thinking? Anyway...the first time I spoke with a counselor at the college, to sign up for my first semester this time around, I was leaning towards social work. Why? Bc it was a 2 yr tech program and hey, let's face it.. i didn't want to be in school forever. You may recall my conversation with dear Keith. He told me about his experience in social work, the high stress, the disappointment with not being able to "really" help beyond tossing some benefits their way that are governed by the bureaucrats. Ok, that wasn't his words verbatim or anything, but ya get the gist. So, in talking with Keith, I decided to go for the long haul and truly pursue that hidden dream. I was going to become an LPC. Besides, how cool would it be for this simpleton to have freakin letters following her name? I mean, never in one million years had i ever thought that possible! Christina Lastname, LPC. Ha. I like it. Ok, I love it. So, i sign up for financial aid and then for classes and voila. My heart is in heaven because I feel so damn empowered, nothing will stop me, no nothing at all. Except, a second meeting with a different college counselor (who also happened to be one of my instructors). He is also an LPC. He said that it's a tough field right now because insurance companies have put a cap/limitations on what they will pay out for counseling benefits. And think about it...if you want to go to counseling (or if you are going), what does your insurance allow? I know my mom's only pays a percentage, leaving her with an $80 copay PER visit. Yes, that's eighty dollars PER visit. So, she, like many people, doesn't go because she can't afford to shell that out weekly or bi-weekly. Other insurances will only pay for so many visits per year. Therefore, those patients only go that number of times. The only hope is that you get quite a few well off, cash payin clients that can keep your business afloat. To make matters worse, as I was driving to our utility company's office last month, I passed the clinic i used to go to for counseling...it had several counselors all under one roof. Guess what? It's closed up. For sale sign out there! Hmmm...a little sign? He had suggested getting a degree in teaching with a minor in Psych. I could teach and work my way towards my masters. I would only need the minor in psych to get into the LPC masters program. Ok, sounds kinda good..gives me a fall back plan if nothing else. He also said i could be a school counselor. The problem with all this is, I am not the person to be stuck in a small room with a bunch of kids every day. I just don't see myself surviving it. kids today are rowdy, rambunctious, arrogant, disrespectful and have that entitlement attitude. I would want to choke them, I'm sure. And I want to be a counselor, but not really in a school setting. I would mostly deal with the whole school drama stuff....Tommy called me a whore and it hurt my feelings. Yes, it is traumatic and needs to be addressed. Let me get my damn soap and wash Tommy's mouth out and hasn't his parents bothered to teach him that that is NOT how we treat fellow human beings? Grrrr....i would feel like i was spinning my wheels. So, I am not sure. SIGH. I want to be a counselor. I do not want to go to school for 6 yrs, intern for 1 or 2 *which costs me btw, bc i have to pay my LPC for his/her time* just to come to a dead end and not be making a decent salary. Face it, that's a long time of schooling to make 20-30k. At the same time...my heart is being tugged. I could do so many beneficial things with that degree. However, not if i don't have a pot to piss in nor the window to throw it out of myself. I can't help others if i am still unable to help myself, right?

I need to get an appointment with the career center at college and hash all this out. I want so badly to do the LPC thing. See, that's why i don't set goals much or get hopes high...bc the rug usually gets pulled out from under me. Oooh, that's the pessimist in me sneaking out. *smack* hit* get back in there, damn it* Nobody wants to hear from you*

And social work....i don't want to spend my days chasing child abuse cases. It would be so entirely sad and heart wrenching. I would want to shoot myself. I would really see how hateful and evil this world is. I just don't know if i could emotionally stand it. I am thankful that people can do it because children certainly need those voices. But, I am not sure I could deal with it. The worst part would be, knowing in my gut that things weren't right but not being able to do a damn thing about it bc of the effin red tape surrounding those things. That would infuriate me.

I'm chasing rabbits tonight bc i have another thought. I also considered going for the LPC and then I could set up some sort of foundation or something that helps people in need. Like, for instance, why can't I open a counseling center that charges 50.00/hr instead of the typical 75-145/hr? Im sure that there are some sort of bureaucratic measures that says I can't do that bc it would be undercutting the next guy. Humph. Maybe the next guy shouldn't be charging a damn arm and a leg for his services then, eh?

Anyway, those are some of my twisted thoughts on the whole thing. I guess the main point is I am in school and going somewhere, even if I don't know where that is, just yet.

And before I go, tonight (I hope Julie doesn't mind me posting this)...please send up prayers for Julie's mom and their family. If you read her blog, then you know that her mom went for a scan to see why her memory is failing her. Please pray that everything turns out for the best. I know that the family is very concerned about Mom right now and they could use the prayers/positive thoughts/vibes, whatever it is that you do.

Good night, world and may everyone awaken to a beautiful new day~!

I survived

The first day of classes wasn't too bad. The parking sucks at main campus as I have complained (errr, whined) about before. And this building is much larger and more maze-like than the building I had to go to last semester. But, I found my class, waiting patiently in the hall with my classmates, for the teacher to arrive and unlock the door. This was something new to me, as last semester, the doors were always left unlocked and we just entered. Anyway, the classroom itself sucks. It is small, cramped and stuffy. Bleh! The desks are tiny..our book covers pretty much the whole thing. But, the instructor seems very nice and organized.

My evening class, Philosophy of Ethics...the jury is still out on that one. It's going to be a lot of lecture...tail chasing, unanswered questions..that seems to be what Philosophy is. He spent almost the entire class time (2 hours) chasing a subject round and round, yet getting really nowhere. I had to fight to stay awake. This may be a long semester. LOL.

I have tomorrow (or rather, today, it is well past midnight) off. No classes. I am still up bc i am submerged in this good book i started reading yesterday. My cousin brought it over for me, bc i like to read. It's Street Lawyer by John Grisham. I have to admit that this his first book I have read and I rather like it. OK, i love it. I have barely been able to put it down. I started it last night and read to chapt 18. I picked it up again tonight and am at 36.

I am off now so i can bury my nose back in my book!!!!

I'd be lying...

If i said I wasn't a tad bit nervous about tomorrow or actually, this whole week. I'm sure it's something I will experience at the beginning of each new semester....new instructors, new students, new class, new material, etc. The class on campus is more intimidating in that the campus is sooo big and spread out and parking sucks and then finding a parking spot, finding the right building (which i know which building) and then which classroom....oooghhhh.

Then, I keep thinking of all the things I have to make sure I do and what if we wake up late or what if i forget something or or or.... I. must. stop. I have my bag packed with the text book I need, a notebook and a folder...as well as writing instruments (pencils, pens). I should be good to go. It's silly bc i did this last semester and did just fine. But I am worried about getting her on the bus with ease, getting Seb to sitter and getting to class. Duh..i just did all that without much of a problem. Chalk it up to jitters. After I get this first week under my belt, I am sure I will be fine.

I am off now to finish doing whatever I can tonight to make tomorrow run smoother (including the fact that I already have dinner in the crockpot).

The time has arrived

Tomorrow, I start my 2nd semester back to college. My first class is Fundamentals of Human Sexuality. I have that class on monday and wednesday from 1-230pm. Then on Monday night, I have Ethics, Wed night I have Pragrams of Community Welfare and Thur night I have Gen Psych.
Today I have been catching up on laundry and getting ready for the new schedule. WE have all gotten quite used to me being home all day/night. ANd even though i was home so much, this place sure has gone to hell in a handbasket. LOL. And I intended to use this past week to get it back in some kind of order...with Makenneh in school and only have one kid for a few hours...however, i found myself running errands and such more than being home and cleaning and whatnot. Oh well. I have enjoyed my time off and I am certainly ready to get back to school. I think i am more effective when I have a schedule to work around. Seems I waste less time that way bc I have to make all my time count! OF course, I am a tad bit concerned bc Jeremy's job is going to be offering overtime, which we greatly need. However, if he isn't home by 530pm, I have to find alternative babysitting arrangements, which might get tricky. But, we will make it work. I have enough family within a reasonable distance to make it possible.

There seems to be a stomach bug going around here. Yesterday Makenneh was complaining that her tummy hurt and she was in the bathroom more than normal. Today, Jeremy doesn't feel good and has had the bathroom problem. He is taking a nap right now, which is very unusual for him. Hopefully he feels better come morning. HE did help clean the house earlier today, though. That was a big help.

Well, kids are hungry bc without that rigid schedule, the eating times have been sooo off. I will be so glad when i can get it back to where we are eating at regular/stable times every day.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Thunderstorms in January, ETA

Edited bc Julie caught that i put December and not January. LOL.


How amazing. LOL. I love them, so I won't complain. It is so peaceful to hear the rain falling accompanied by the occasional rumble and flash of lightning. Makenneh obviously isn't finding it as peaceful and sleep-lulling bc she is still up, fighting sleep. She keeps talking, moving, etc. I am losing my patience quickly with her. It is 11pm and well, Mrs Nice flew out the window a good hour ago. I was so sure she was asleep around 930...she had brushed her teeth and everything and went in her room and it was quiet. I was thinking how nice it was that both kids were sleeping..then out she comes, "mommy can I sleep out here?" Grrrr. She hasn't shut her mouth since, nor sat still. So, i am off here to enforce bedtime. I am sick of kids up late. I need time to myself and damn if time alone with my husband wouldn't be nice!


****She finally gave in a bit before midnight....grrrr

She's off

Just got back from putting Makenneh on the bus. It's her first day back since before Christmas. I was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to start school back up. That had to be the longest Christmas (or whatever generic term they wanna use) break. And get this....they started today and then they have the 18-22 off. What the heck?!

It was a great walk to the bus stop. It is sooo warm outside. I venture a guess it's about 50* or so. I wore just a long sleeve cotton shirt, no coat. For Makenneh, she has a long sleeve shirt, her fleece and then a vest. And she got to wear her new tennis shoes today bc there is no snow to worry about, except that which was piled high from plowing/shoveling. It seriously feels like spring out there right now. I just stood out there and breathed it all in, knowing it won't last. It's supposed to be in the 50s with rain for the next couple days. Who knew it was winter...lol. But, Im not complaining. A break in the cold weather is nice...nice on the heating costs, too.

I go back to school in a week. So, i get one week of just one kid home during the day before I have to start back. I am ready to go.

And guess what..i woke up with a headache again this morning. I need a good, deep massage to break up all that tension in my neck and shoulders. I'm sure that's the cause.

Well, im off here to do something, even if it's wrong...lol

headaches

I have been having headaches lately. I can feel a knot in my shoulder blade region and I'm thinking that, along with sinus issues, is the culprit. My hot pack has become my very bestest friend. THankfully (and I should knock on wood or something, lol), they haven't lasted long and I've been able to get rid of them with ibuprofen and hot pack.

My sleeping is also out of whack. I am having the worst episode of insomnia ever. it's horrible. For about 3 nights, i was up all night...as in, up when Jeremy got up for work. I would then go to bed...sleep for a few hours before the kids were up. Hopefully I can get it all worked out and back to some sort of normal schedule this weekend.

Makenneh finally goes back to school monday. Sheesh. It feels like she has been off forever.

Nothing really exciting taking place in my corner of the world. I have been lazy and loungeful. Hah, i think i just made up a word. It's been kinda nice, but too much of this can be quite boring. I don't know how i functioned without school....giving some sort of schedule and order to this chaos. Now, i feel all off kilter bc Im not going to school. Funny how that works.

I need to get the few returns I have back to the stores..i am such a procrastinator. But, really, there is no drive to do it when I dread the thoughts of hauling two kids into the mall. Have I ever said how much i hate the mall? I try to avoid it as often as possible. I usually do quite well with it. But, one of the returns requires me to go to JC Penney. thankfully, just JCP, bc then i can enter right at JCP and be done with it. Avoid the crazies that lurk throughout the mall. LOL. OK, it's not so much the crazies..i don't know what it is about the mall that i find so repulsive. I have been able to go and enjoy it, but for the most part, it's just too many damn people in one place for me. And then you have all the kids hanging out there like it's an amusement park, acting like fools. I also need to make an appt to get my hair cut. Mom and Dad got me a gift card to get it done. I haven't had my hair cut, professionally in a few years. When it gets cut, it's bc i get in one of my "moods" and take the scissors to it myself. Thankfully I have naturally curly hair and I can do that...bc you can't see if it's uneven or not. And now that i have a gift card for a cut, my hair has been looking sooo good lately, i don't think i want more than a trim. How fun is that? Why i can do that my very self. What I'd really like is highlights. I have wanted them for a very long time. But i just never can really spend that kinda money on something so damn frivolous.

And lately, I have had the desire to be more stylish. For instance...i do the same thing with my hair every day...i pull it back in one of those "incomplete" pony tails, where I have hair left on the top of my head...it does look cute, but it's time for something else. the problem is, i cannot stand for my hair to be anywhere near my face. I hate the feeling of it. It drives me absolutely crazy. I also want to start wearing makeup sometimes..the reason i rarely do now is bc i just don't know how to apply it. I mean, i can do the basics...but eyeshadow always gets me. And I never know what is "in" and all that crap. Im just not "hip" to all of it. But I know I would feel much better with a nice hair do that is stylish and cute and some makeup on that is simple but yet accents my beautiful eyes...lol.

Ok i have rambled enough..i am going to go to bed. I swear, i am going to do it. Mind, it is time to shut down. It is time to meet the sandman. I am certain he has missed me lately!

Oh this is funny

I can't take the credit
and not sure where it's due
All I can say is
it's only funny
if this isn't you

'Twas the Day AFTER Christmas


'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa had passed out, with ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket read, "U.S. POSTMAN."

With both hands full of bills, he grinned like a fox,
Then quickly he stuffed them all in our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came,
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Target, now Best Buy, now Penney's and Sears.
Also Amazon, eBay - you're up to your ears!
To the tip of your limit, each store, every mall,
Now charge away - charge away - charge away all!"

He whistled and whooped as he finished his work.
He had filled up the mailbox, then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
His driving much faster with just half a load.

Then, I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got . . . you'll be paying all year!"

Happy New Year

And so it is...another year gone, a new one begun. Mine started out with a severe headache this morning. Bleh. It couldn't have been from drinking because I didn't really drink last night. I had 2 or 3 shots of tequila around midnight, then when we got home, i made a margarita and drank that. I think it may have been the combination of the few drinks, the way I slept, my sinuses, coughing all night, etc. Several ibuprofen and a hot pack later, the headache is being held at bay...just threatening to come back full force is a bend over, yell, cough too hard or otherwise cause any strain to the brain...lol. And good luck because Sebastian has decided to start the year off whiney. He wants to play Guitar Hero and well, dad says no and so it's not good around here. We have a little boy throwing a terrible two tantrum and mommy with a head threatening to ache and it's not the best combination.

Jeremy and Makenneh played outside this morning. Jeremy shoveled the six or so inches of snow we woke up to and shoveled it into a mound....then he made it into a snow fort for the kids. Makenneh loves it..she was out for quite some time. Sebastian was out for a bit, but he doesn't seem to be as much the stay-out-in-the-cold-snow kinda kid. At least not today. OF course, today, he is more concerned with getting into dad's video games. I curse those things, i really do. And silly santa thought that if he brought the children new games for their Vsmile, the kids would want to play their age-appropriate games and leave dad's alone. However, Sebastian is all about the Madden football on dad's xbox and the guitar hero. And so here he is, once again, to whine at my side, wanting the guitar and to play the game. *sigh* Is it time for school to start yet? Can he start headstart yet?

For 2008, I have no expectations. I had high expectations for 2007 and well, by February or so, found it to be disappointing. I really went into 07 excited for great things. This time, not so much. Whatever will be, will be. The new year already will mean finding a new place to live, continuing my education, Makenneh will start kindy in the fall, Seb will start headstart in the fall and boy oh boy..we will all have our days filled with places to be. My mom had asked what I will do with my free time when Seb starts school....my reply? I will spend it at school. LOL. I have to admit..part of me would love to spend those few hours at home, all alone, with nothing in particular to do. But the other part looks forward to going to school and not having to worry about babysitters for him. Will be so nice. And of course, I will probably get a day or two a week where I will be home with no kids for a couple hours. Or, knowing my luck, it will end up to be that Seb goes to headstart opposite of Makenneh's kindy schedule and well, I will still have babysitter dilemmas...lol. We are hoping to move back to the town we were living before this move, because it is easier and best for Jeremy's ride to work. So, there is always the possibility that Seb gets put in the eve. headstart, like Makenneh had. I'm hoping that isn't the case, though. The school district we are in now, they would both ride the same bus to and fro and therefore, be gone the same time. That would be nice.

So, how did you spend your New Year's Eve? We ended up going to my uncle's and playing games and just hanging out. The kids had a great time. IT was kinda boring for us, though. My uncle's gf is so anti-social and it just makes it uncomfortable for everyone. Jeremy and I sat at the table, playing Apples to Apples with the kids and my uncle, his gf and their house guest (my uncle's friend who is living with them for now, due to divorce) sat in the living room watching movies, for the most part. I tried several times to get everyone involved in the game, bc the more players, the funner it is. But, they didn't wanna, i guess. Oh well.

Makenneh goes back to school on the 7th. I go back 14th or whatever day is the monday following the 12th. For some strange reason, the college has the start date at jan 12, which actually falls on a Saturday. Don't ask me why they did that. Strange.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year's Eve and may everyone have a happy, healthy 2008!

Happy New Year

And so it is...another year gone, a new one begun. Mine started out with a severe headache this morning. Bleh. It couldn't have been from drinking because I didn't really drink last night. I had 2 or 3 shots of tequila around midnight, then when we got home, i made a margarita and drank that. I think it may have been the combination of the few drinks, the way I slept, my sinuses, coughing all night, etc. Several ibuprofen and a hot pack later, the headache is being held at bay...just threatening to come back full force is a bend over, yell, cough too hard or otherwise cause any strain to the brain...lol. And good luck because Sebastian has decided to start the year off whiney. He wants to play Guitar Hero and well, dad says no and so it's not good around here. We have a little boy throwing a terrible two tantrum and mommy with a head threatening to ache and it's not the best combination.

Jeremy and Makenneh played outside this morning. Jeremy shoveled the six or so inches of snow we woke up to and shoveled it into a mound....then he made it into a snow fort for the kids. Makenneh loves it..she was out for quite some time. Sebastian was out for a bit, but he doesn't seem to be as much the stay-out-in-the-cold-snow kinda kid. At least not today. OF course, today, he is more concerned with getting into dad's video games. I curse those things, i really do. And silly santa thought that if he brought the children new games for their Vsmile, the kids would want to play their age-appropriate games and leave dad's alone. However, Sebastian is all about the Madden football on dad's xbox and the guitar hero. And so here he is, once again, to whine at my side, wanting the guitar and to play the game. *sigh* Is it time for school to start yet? Can he start headstart yet?

For 2008, I have no expectations. I had high expectations for 2007 and well, by February or so, found it to be disappointing. I really went into 07 excited for great things. This time, not so much. Whatever will be, will be. The new year already will mean finding a new place to live, continuing my education, Makenneh will start kindy in the fall, Seb will start headstart in the fall and boy oh boy..we will all have our days filled with places to be. My mom had asked what I will do with my free time when Seb starts school....my reply? I will spend it at school. LOL. I have to admit..part of me would love to spend those few hours at home, all alone, with nothing in particular to do. But the other part looks forward to going to school and not having to worry about babysitters for him. Will be so nice. And of course, I will probably get a day or two a week where I will be home with no kids for a couple hours. Or, knowing my luck, it will end up to be that Seb goes to headstart opposite of Makenneh's kindy schedule and well, I will still have babysitter dilemmas...lol. We are hoping to move back to the town we were living before this move, because it is easier and best for Jeremy's ride to work. So, there is always the possibility that Seb gets put in the eve. headstart, like Makenneh had. I'm hoping that isn't the case, though. The school district we are in now, they would both ride the same bus to and fro and therefore, be gone the same time. That would be nice.

So, how did you spend your New Year's Eve? We ended up going to my uncle's and playing games and just hanging out. The kids had a great time. IT was kinda boring for us, though. My uncle's gf is so anti-social and it just makes it uncomfortable for everyone. Jeremy and I sat at the table, playing Apples to Apples with the kids and my uncle, his gf and their house guest (my uncle's friend who is living with them for now, due to divorce) sat in the living room watching movies, for the most part. I tried several times to get everyone involved in the game, bc the more players, the funner it is. But, they didn't wanna, i guess. Oh well.

Makenneh goes back to school on the 7th. I go back 14th or whatever day is the monday following the 12th. For some strange reason, the college has the start date at jan 12, which actually falls on a Saturday. Don't ask me why they did that. Strange.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year's Eve and may everyone have a happy, healthy 2008!