It's not all bad

I have had battle after battle over so many things these days. But, it's not all bad. I will try to back it up some so it makes sense.

I think I told you all that Jeremy's boss fired him for taking that friday off so we could go get a car?! Well, he also said he wasn't paying him. Jeremy contacted a lawyer to find out his legal rights and the best way to go about everything. Jeremy tried calling the boss for days and days, ever since he was fired. The boss doesn't answer or return his calls. HE calls his cell and office phone. So, yesterday, determined to get his money, jeremy would call, let it go to voice mail, hang up and call again, back to back to back. He did this for about 40 mins. Still nothing. Then, Jeremy gets a call from my uncle who works for this guy and apparently the boss called my uncle and said, "Tell him to quit calling me, i will have his money next week." So, Ken calls here and tells JEremy. Jeremy hated to put my uncle in the middle of it, but has no choice given that the boss won't answer jeremy's calls. So, jeremy tells ken, "Tell him that next week isn't good enough and if I don't have my money THIS week, I am proceeding with my lawyer." WEll, my uncle just called me and said he is on his way with Jeremy's money. The boss decided it best to pay Jeremy the money he owes him. Now, my only hope is that it is the full amount. I will know in probably less than 20 mins.

Of course, because we didn't get his check that week, our bills have fallen behind. We scraped what we had left to make the loan payment but that left no money to pay storage. I was afraid our stuff would be taken. I called the storage place and explained our situation and he was very understanding. So, as soon as I get this money, I have to go up and pay him.

In the midst of all this money dilemma, I called on my student loan, because I had only received half the funds and it looked as though the other half was set to be dispursed next semester. I found out that I must have checked the box for fall and winter, meaning they split the funds. So, I had to go up to the school and talk to someone in the financial aid department and I was told I could apply for more funds and thankfully I married a guy with a last name closer up the alphabet list, because if i applied that very day, I should be able to have my funds within 2 weeks! Hoorah, things may just get better. I haven't let out the sigh of relief yet though, because the money isn't in my hands just yet. But the lady seemed to be very knowledgeable and she told me that what would happen is after I applied, they would receive the app within 24-48 hours. At that point the head of the dept would do her stuff and the check would be cut. woohooo.

Of course, my computer crashed the other day, leaving with me no means to do homework at all at home. I have been running up to teh computer lab to get papers typed and so on. What a pain. Well, mom asked if I would like to go get a computer and she would pay for it and I could pay her back when i get my money. So, we went yesterday and got a new computer and all the things I would need for it and we are back up and running. I must tell you that it is sooo nice to have a computer that moves at a reasonable speed. And then, I was shocked while at the store, that monitors are all flat and huge and wow. The one we wanted was out of stock so the sales clerk gave us a larger one at a lower price. I made off with a 20 in. LCD screen monitor for $120. I am quite pleased. Although, I still look at this screen and wonder just why it needs to be so large. Jeremy can answer: so he can watch movies and videos and just look at that picture, would ya?! Ya, yah, it's nice, but just seems a little over the top. LOL.

So, this is my very first brand new computer. It's all nice and black and sleek and shiny and I can't believe it is MINE. I really wanted a laptop but Jeremy insisted I would get more bang for my buck in a desk top. I figured I would go with the desktop with hopes that sometime in the future(near future, i hope) I can splurge on a laptop. It needn't be anything fancy...just allow me internet access and microsoft word and I will be a happy mite.

This week I had two separate presentations to give for two separate classes. I am glad to have them over with. Now, I have a paper to write on an interview with a social worker. I am having a slight problem finding a social worker, simply because I don't want to have to run all over hell's half acres to find one. A girl in one of my groups said that her mom owns an adoption agency if i called there and said she referred me I would most likely be able to get an interview with one of their social workers. I called and left a message and haven't heard back yet. I am getting a bit antsy because the paper is due Tuesday. I then decided to call my uncle and get the number to my cousin because her husband has a Masters in Social work and they recently moved back up here. I will call him sometime today to see if i could interview him. I am a little nervous simply because I have only met this guy once and it was very brief. He won't know me from adam and I will be calling his cell phone. LOL. I hope that he has finally found a job in his field, because the last I had heard, he hadn't.

So, enough boring you with the mundane details of my life. Makenneh brought home her progress report last week and she is doing fantastic. I was very nervous pulling it out of the envelope because I was afraid it wouldn't be that good. I was very shocked. They grade 1 and 2. 1 is meeting expectations, 2 is needs more practice. (gosh how they have changed from my days in school. The grade school report cards were very detailed.). Anyway, She got all 1s except 2. She needed more practice on her phone number and shapes. I couldn't believe the shapes because those were the first things she learned, back when she was about 2.5. She knew them all and could recognize them. I don't know what the issue is there. We will have to keep working with her on them and see what hte problem is. I do know that she tends to say rectriangle (that's how it sounds) when she is saying rectangle. So it could be a mere speech issue...her not saying clearly or teacher misunderstanding her. I have conferences coming up and we will definitely be talking about it. As far as the phone number, she had it memorized the day she brought the report card home. Go figure! She now knows it without fail. So, she is doing very well as far as school.

And my uncle just showed up with the money...in an envelope. I opened it after he left to discover that it isn't the full amount. Grrrrr! So, JEremy is back to trying to get ahold of the idiot.

One thing that drove my brother in law to run for State Rep was the idea that someone needs to stand up for the little guy. He was quoted as having said, "What about the little guy? It's time someone stands up and fights for the little guy!" He is right. I am that "Little guy" and I am not going to sit by and let someone continue to do this. THe owner of this landscape company, Mike, is a real jerk. He hires guys at 8.00 an hour, pays them cash, no benefits, nothing and then when he bids the concrete jobs, he charges the companies he does the work for prevailing wage is around $18 an hour. So, he is making out just in the wages alone. He charges the companies for labor that they don't do, such as sanding. They rarely ever sand the cement, yet he bills the company for it. The list goes on and on. While he is making mega bucks, the guys who make his business possible can't even feed their families or keep a roof over their heads. And this time, he stepped on the wrong "little guys" toes.

My cat had her kittens 5 weeks ago and they are soooo cute. She only had 2 that lived (out of 4). One was still born and one was born with his intestines on the outside, so didn't live long. THe two left are black and one is ever so fluffy and as lovey as she is fluffy. My mom wants to keep that one. She snuggles with it every day. She wants the kitty but she hates having to take care of animals (scooping litter, buying litter, feeding them the works). So, she will keep the kitty but it will more or less be ours. And she may end up having us take it when we move. Which is fine with me, because if i had my own place, i would keep this kitty anyway. She always says she likes animals until they start costing her money and causing her work. LOL.

Well, I have a million other things I need to be doing, so i am going to get off here and get to work.

The big Day

We are less than 12 hours from Voting Day!!! I am tired, frazzled and ready for it to be over with. Tomorrow, we get to be at the polls all day long with our signs. Most places will not allow you to place a sign near a voting area unless there is a body with it. Stupid rule if you ask me, because it means you have to sit, all day, doing nothing but watching a sign. But, at least they are predicting nice weather for tomorrow. It's actually supposed to be around 70*. I will gladly take it. We have to take the kids with us because we don't have anyone to babysit. It shall prove to be quite exciting. Hopefully all this hard work and dedication pays off and he wins the election. If not, at least we all learned new things along the way.

I have a big paper due Wednesday night that requires critiquing a research article from a social work journal. These articles can be found online through our college's library website but the teacher insists that we must actually go to the library and find it and copy the article and so on. Not a huge deal if you have a car. A major hassle for those of us who lack a vehicle. So, naturally, it has been put off in hopes that I had a car in time to get it done. The good news: I HAVE A CAR! (i will tell more in a minute about that). I just got the car Friday afternoon, in time to come home and throw costumes on kids and go out trick or treating. The library Saturday we spent campaigning, as we have every Saturday for the past month or so. Sunday, library is closed. Today, I stop by the local branch library and talk to the man at the library. He spent at least five minutes looking it up and confirmed his initial thought: our county library does not carry journals except for the New England Medical Journal. He said to check with Mott or UofM. Nice. I just came from Mott. I didn't bother with the library there, because it seemed faster for me to use the local library. The brakes on my car need changed so I wasn't going to drive all the way back to the main campus to get this article printed. Of course, tomorrow, I will at the polls all day long, so that brings me to Wednesday, the due date. I will have to go to the campus library before or after class and make a copy of the article and then come home and type it up. Good thing that writing is one of my strong suits. May be hard to tell from reading this boring thing though.

Anyway, CAR. So, Friday, Jeremy took the day off work so we could go get a car because shortly after I had posted my blog Thursday, my check came. We found a car and bought it. It's a 94 Buick Regal Limited. It has the 3800 motor in it which is a very strong motor. It also has air conditioning. Those were the two things I wanted out of my next vehicle. So, I am happy there. The only thing is that the car needed brakes, tires, and a strut. Basically maintanance type things. We got a great deal on it, paying only half of the blue book value for it. It has 157K miles on it, which isn't bad on the 3800 motors. It should last quite a bit longer. Fingers crossed that all works out well.

Tied into that though, while Jeremy and I were out looking for a car, he was fired. My uncle asked about Jeremy's check and the boss told him that he was firing Jeremy for not coming into work that day and that he isn't paying him. Nice! When it rains it pours. This job is a seasonal type of job and every spring, the boss hires anyone, pays them cash and almost every year, the crew is different, with the exception of the few guys he pays by check. He has one guy in particular who never shows up for work, calls in saying his mom died, only to have the wife call a few weeks later asking when the checks would be available bc she had to get it before his mom did (the guy was in jail). He still always has a job. The boss has even paid to bail him out of jail a few times. Jeremy has tried calling the boss all day today to ask about his check and can't get an answer. He has being a major jerk lately for some reason. I don't know if maybe he is feeling the pressure from the outstanding debts he has with the companies he has to get supplies from or what, but he has even gotten shitty with my uncle. My brother was working for them and quit last week because of crap that goes on. I am not going to stress too much over it. I have too much going on right now. We have a car now, at least, so he can go put applications in at places. Of course, with the economy the way it is, those are scarce. Something will work out, hopefully soon.

Well, I need to get off here and start getting our stuff rounded up for tomorrow. The kids will need things to keep them busy and we need chairs and snacks and drinks and such. So, I am off here.

MAKE SURE YOU GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!!!!

The time has come

I can no longer take classes at the local campus but must go to the main campus for all classes. It stinks. The local extension campus is only offering 1 social work class for winter semester and I have already taken it. I have a tentative winter schedule down and it will be Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11am until 3:55pm, three different classes in that time, with five minutes between classes. Then, on Wednesday, I have the Agency Experience class from 2-2:55pm. This is the class where I have to do part of my internship. We have to complete 50 hours with a local agency in the course of the semester. The class actually only meets about 4 times throughout the semester, which is nice, seems how it is only an hour long and I have to drive all the way to main campus. It really isn't super far (about 20 mins) but it's just the horrid parking, mostly. I also plan to take a computer course (to fulfill the general ed requirements) as an open entry/open exit class, so that I can work at my own pace (fast) and finish ahead of schedule. My plan with that is to bust my butt and get it all done by midterms. That way, I don't have to worry about that class for the second half of the semester. Then, one of my classes for tue/thurs is only a first half semester class, so by midterms, I will be done with that class as well and will just have 3 classes to do for the rest of the semester. Hopefully it isn't too much. I want to get this done and over with already. I need to call and make an appointment with my advisor to see what he suggests and to get my transfer lined up so I know what I need to do. I am trying to wait it out until I get my student loan and have my own car, so I can actually make it to the appointment.

So, yes, I am STILL waiting on that loan. It is so frustrating, because the money is there, at the college, just waiting for them to cut the check and mail it to me. Meanwhile, i continue to struggle with getting rides to and from my classes and most days, I end up frustrated and in tears. My one teacher told me the other night, as I came to class totally down and exacberated, that I am just tired of trying to get rides, stressing over how to get to class and I am just tired. She told me that she admires me for sticking with it. I appreciate her thoughts and truthfully, I admire myself for sticking with it, because many times, I have had fleeting thoughts of throwing in the towel. It would be so much easier in the short run, to just give up. I wouldn't have to worry bout rides and getting papers printed and all that stuff. But, to suffer now is to gain greatly later. The payoff will be grand. I have to just keep focused on the big picture, on the long run. Thomas Edison didn't give up the first time he failed or struggled, he kept on. I must keep on, too. And I know that self-pity will get me know where, but I can't help but wonder, why me, just sometimes. I know the answer to some degree....i was never motivated before to make short term sacrafices for long term gain. I have paid the price for that lack of ambition. Now, I must push forward, harder than ever, to get through this and get my life back on track. Do I feel a twinge of envy when I see people whose lives seem so simple and everything seems to just fall into place for them? Maybe a small bit. But, I also realize that for every person who seems to have life easy, there are plenty who feel that my life is easy, because they have so much less and so much more struggle. I also don't feel that envy when the easy life seems to be a result of that person's hard work and dedication. Ok, then I just envy their drive, because I so lack it most of the time. But, I also admire it.

We are winding down the campaign efforts...well, no winding down, the time is winding down. We are meeting this saturday, for the last time as a group, to distribute flyers and yard signs. We just got in our new signs the other day....100 yard signs and 10 large signs. I had to work on an ad for local newspapers and well, that just isn't my thing. I am limited in knowledge in that area. Thankfully you can submit the picture, the points you want the ad to say and they can do the rest. Otherwise, we would be really pressed for time. One thing I have learned about the media is they aren't too generous with notices. They will email us on a Monday and want answers to 12 questions by wednesday. It's crazy. Sometimes, you get a day's notice. Do they think that we all have nothing to do but work full time, round the clock on campaigns? Thankfully, they are almost equally as generous with extending deadlines.

Makenneh lost her very first baby tooth the night before last. I was kinda bummed because I was in class when she lost it, they were all in bed when I got home and when I woke up the next morning, Jeremy called me in the computer room to show me her tooth. He had already done the tooth fairy visit and all. My mom wasn't home the night she lost her tooth either and didn't know til that next morning....when we told her, she asked if we had a gold dollar to put under her pillow. We didn't. So, she got one for us to put under there. So, Makenneh ended up with a regular dollar and a gold dollar. She deposited the bill into her savings account (with her other 4.09 she has been hoarding in her change purse). She was so excited that the tooth fairy came nad left her money, especially the gold coin. She thinks that is just the greatest thing. Her adult tooth was already coming in (that's what pushed the baby tooth out) so she doesn't really have a toothless grin. She has been in great spirits lately and has been far more loving and well behaved than she has been naughty. It is a blessing. I don't know what has accounted for her change in behavior, but it's welcomed nonetheless. IN talking with my sister-in-law, she was saying how her little sister (who is Makenneh's age and started Kindy this year as well), has become a mouthy brat. Keely used to be a sweet, well-behaved child and now she is almost impossible. We are thinking that going to school is what has triggered this. Makenneh was never a model child...she has always been a bit difficult, but the mouthiness just increases after she entered kindergarten. Maybe being around the other kids (some probably mouthy and naughty by nature) combined with the added freedoms of going to school triggered it, who knows. I'm holding my breath on the change though, because I am sure the bottom may fall out at any point. I am enjoying the time right now, when she is being sweet and just know that it could change at any point.

Both kids are excited about trick or treating. Makenneh got to go to a trunk or treat event at a local church last night. The church she attends with papa took the youth group to another church that sponsored the event. She had fun, despite getting there late. She didn't get a lot of candy, which is just as well, as far as I'm concerned. There will be enough tomorrow night to last a lifetime (not really, with daddy and papa around). It's supposed to be nice out tomorrow which is great news. It has been sooo cold lately, that I was dreading the thought of Halloween. I freeze for a few mins we stand at the bus stop, I couldn't imagine a couple hours out in that stuff. Hopefully the weather cooperates, as predicted, and we have a decent night. Let's also hope my mother in law has their costumes finished. She came over Tuesday night to have them try them on so she could do the finishing touches. I still have to go get Makenneh the rest of her outfit, but i am hoping that Jeremy gets paid today (their boss varies on paying them on thurs and fri, at his own whim). She needs pink top and pants to go under her tutu. She is going as a ballerina. I figured that rather than get her a leotard, which she may not ever really wear again, i would get a plain long sleeve shirt and some leggins. Then, I also have to do her accessories, which won't be a problem. She wants sparkly bracelets, so that's the must have. Then, im going to put her hair up in a bun and use a cute, frilly hair tie to hold it up. She should be cute. Then, there's Sebastian, in his Patrick costume. He is gonna be a doll. and fuzzy and warm!

See what happens when I don't blog for awhile, I run on and on worse than ever. But, Im going to wrap it up here so I can check the campaign email and then do my homework.

Take care and have a safe and fun Halloween!

Stretch your words

That's what I learned from my daughter today. And it's a lesson I was glad to learn. I have always understood the importance of phonics but I just wasn't sure how to "teach" that to my kids. Well, Makenneh's teacher taught them to stretch their words. She even has a motion for it. They put their fingers to their lips (think of the Italians "kissing" their fingers thing) and then they stretch the word as they say it by pulling their hand away from the lips. Doing this allows you say the word realllllllly slow so you can sound out the letters and spell the word. Bingo! Now I have a great way to help them with their phonics. We just sat here spelling different words.

Life has been a roller coaster ride with the girl. I had posted a while back about her going to school easily. Hah! If that didn't blow up in my face. Shortly after posting that, she began fighting me more mornings than not. Most of it wasn't that she didn't really want to go to school, but rather that she didn't want to get up or didn't want to wear "that" shirt or didn't want to wear that coat, etc. Almost every morning was a fight over something or another. And she would pull the whole, "If you don't let me ____,I won't go to school/get on bus/whatever". Grrrr. Several mornings, I cried after getting her on the bus. Sheer frustration. We discovered that she may have been getting too much sleep. I kept saying to my mom, "it's as if she is tired, but how could she be, she goes to bed by 8pm every night and gets up at 7:15". Well one Wed evening, she went to church with papa and they stopped at Uncle Matt's on the way home. She didn't get home til around 9pm so she was up later than usual. The next morning was the best morning we have had in a while. So, we started keeping her up a little later at night and it seems to be helping. Some mornings she even wakes herself up earlier than she needs to be up. I hope it helps because seriously, she has gotten next to incorrigable. Her mouth is the worst of it. She wants to argue everything til the bitter end. I suppose she will make a great debater someday...hopefully she finds a career where that attribute suits her well because it doesn't do well in the household!

Myself, I have been busy with school and campaigning. We are nearing elections and honestly, I can't wait for it to be over with. Hopefully it ends with a victory for us! Most of the primary elections ended up with incumbents being unseated. Hopefully in the general, the incumbents continue to be unseated. I think that most Michiganders are sick of the same old stuff....nothing ever changes, only gets worse. Some of our politicians have been here since the beginning of time and haven't done much good for our state....our state has literally gone down the toilets. Voters are beginning to finally see this and are more apt to vote for the new people on the block. But, the unions are strong in this state and they have a wicked sort of control over people. It's really rather frightening to talk to people and see just how many people vote simply because their union tells them to vote for that person. People don't bother with looking into the candidates themselves, they just do as puppets and vote according to the union. That's how all these career politicians have managed to run the state for so long without being effective. they don't have to do right by the people, as long as their party matches the union. Case in point: Flint had a crappy mayor several years back. He was recalled after running flint in the ground. That same guy is now on the ticket for a different position. The union backs him simply because of his party affiliation, with no regard to the fact that he contributed to the crap Flint has become and he was recalled, meaning the voters in Flint didn't want him there anymore. But enough on politics, it will soon be over.

Makenneh is anxiously counting down the days til Halloween. The first thing out of her mouth every morning is "___ days til halloween, Im so excited!". She chose to be a ballerina for halloween and my mother in law is making her costume. I have to buy the leotard, tights and shoes, but she is making the skirt. I picked out hot pink and black (because Makenneh wanted black and i thought a ballerina needed some pink, too). Seb is being Patrick Star from Spongebob and she is making that costume as well. He is gonna be cute! I love that my kids chose more unique costumes, rather than wanting the cheap store bought costumes that are good for maybe one go-round.

I finally got a paper in the mail today about my student loan. I just chatted live with a rep at my school and the check should be here within a week. Woohoo! That is a huge relief. We have decided to just get a different car. There is a car for sale up the road from us that is in our price range. We will go look at it as well as a couple other ones. I will plan to have a decision about the car so that when the money arrives, we can do it up! Then, I am just going to put a for sale sign on my car and try to get some money out of it; at least to recoup the cost of the transmission we bought a month or so ago. Someone who knows more about transmissions could probably fix it and have it on the road. Jeremy has hassled with it on and off for weeks and we decided that rather than spend hundreds of dollars taking it to a mechanic, we will just a different car. This is the 3rd or 4th trans we have had to put in this car and that's not a cheap fix, nor is it an easy job. Im over it. I have had that car since like 1999 and it's time for something different. Hopefully with less headaches. One thing is for sure. My dad is test driving the next car before I buy anything. Hopefully i can avoid some of hte issues I have had with this car.

Well, I am going to get off here and start getting ready. We are going to the campaign headquarters tonight to use the phone bank and I need to get ready. I don't really wanna go because I would love to have a weekend to relax and to myself. I suppose it will be the first weekend in NOvember, after the election is over.

Good Morning

Thought I should post seems how it has been awhile since the last time.

Friday Makenneh had a field trip to Grandpa Tiny's Farm. She had a great time for the most part. it was a bit chilly that day, but the sun was warm. She got to see and pet various farm animals, milk a cow, make a candle from beeswax, learn how wool was spun, and we went on a wagon ride and made a butterfly craft.

My Saturday mornings have been full of campaign work. Every Saturday, we go to a different city in our district and pair off to go distribute flyers. I have been doing a lot of walking. We have already passed out nearly 12000 flyers and still have some to do. This past Saturday was extra special though. I arrived at the meeting location with my parents. I got out of the car and Greg, the photographer who did our wedding, approached me holding a golden box. He asked if I remembered him. Of course I did. He presented me with the box, which I knew before opening, contained my wedding pictures that I was never able to afford to buy. I instantly started crying, as I grabbed him, hugged him and thanked him. He said that it was his gift to me for my hard work and community service. I have to say that is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I stood in that parking lot going over the wedding pictures I had never seen. It was amazing and kinda sad, as several people have since passed, including my Aunt Dawn, Jeremy's grandma and his papa. Then, some couples have since divorced. So, very beautiful gift. I have gone over those pictures many times since that morning.

After doing the campaign stuff, we had to rush to my cousin's wedding. It went well. My cousin was absolutely beautiful. The kids had a great time at the reception. Sebastian danced and showed off the entire night. He was far from the shy boy who usually sticks at my side and avoids conversation. Music must be his thing. He has seen some of the Step Up movies and tries to dance like the street dancers. We didn't stay for the whole thing because Jeremy has been sick with a cold and the kids of course needed to go to bed. But, we had a good time.

Sunday we went to my sister's for a hay ride and to pick out pumpkins. The kids picked out huge pumpkins. It's the first time I've had such big pumpkins. A guy Ralph works with was over there with his family and Makenneh hit it off with their kids.

Our weekend was crazy busy but we are hoping to just stay home this weekend. Of course, right now, the forecast says rain Friday through Monday, so staying home is probably a good idea.

Well, that's a bit of a catch up, but I have to finish getting Makenneh ready for the bus, so I will go for now...

Before going to bed...

...My mother in law let me use her jeep for class tonight and then keep it until tomorrow evening. What a huge help! I am ever so grateful. So, I was able to run to the store and get a gift for the bday girl tomorrow and get to class. I wanted to take Makenneh and let her pick something out for her friend, but time just won't allow for that. I hate buying for kids you don't even know. The invites were High School Musical, so I went off that, knowing nothing of this girl. I got her a HSM Barbie type doll, figuring that even if she has two of them, you can still play with them...i know Makenneh wouldn't mind getting another Hannah Montana Doll.

Well, i am going to head to bed. One more day for the week! Have a great weekend. I usually don't get on here too much over the weekend!

Wiggle, Wiggle

Goes Makenneh's tooth! She is losing her first baby tooth! The adult tooth is already coming in in its place. I am sooo excited. Silly, I know. After she loses it, I will have to take a picture of her toothless grin. I am not sure if I will be able to get it on here though because my printer is all screwed up. Not the printer, but the tower I am using doesn't have enough ports to plug in my printer.

It's getting sooo tricky trying to get back and forth to school. It is a great source of stress for me. I just wish we could figure out what is wrong with my car. Jeremy plans to spend some more time on it tomorrow trying to get it going. Please say a prayer, cross your fingers, send some good thoughts, whatever.

Makenneh has a bday party to go to tomorrow, which is another hassle in that I have to find a ride. Grrrrr. I am hoping my mother in law will allow me to use her jeep tonight for class and keep it overnight so I can pick makenneh up from school to go to the party. It's being held at the McDonald's near the school. If she lets me do that, it will mean I have a way to class tonight and then tomorrow for the party. My chest tightens with the thoughts of all the hassle.

And then.....people suck. Yes, they do. As you all know, my brother in law is running for state rep for our district. It's a big deal. We have had a lot of campaign things to do. We are now at the time that we need to go door to door leaving flyers. This is a huge task as our district is rather large and there are lots of homes to hit. Getting family to help is like pulling teeth. We go out each Saturday for a few hours. That's it. Well, my mom has always been the go-to person of the family. Moreso after my grandparents passed away. Every time anyone needs anything from money to help with planning and hosting open houses, weddings, showers, etc. My mom is always the one they come to for help. WEll, now that she is the one needing help, everyone is too damn busy. It's pathetic. One cousin in particular said she couldn't do it last Saturday because she was going duck hunting. Well, she ended up not even going hunting. Then, this weekend, she is going to a damned Obama rally. So, she can't help with a local campaign that happens to be for her cousin...but she can attend a rally for a presidential candidate who isn't going to give two shits about flint, mi when he is elected. And I am not just saying that about Obama, because it is true of any presidential candidate ever. Not to mention, OBama's campaign won't suffer if a few people don't attend a rally. Ralph's is suffering because it is small town, grassroots campaigning. We need the bodies to help us. So, I have encouraged my mom to stop the gravy train. When the others need something, be too damned busy to help. Period. The sad thing is, if Ralph gets elected, those who were too busy to help get him there will be the first ones wanting favors. THey can forget it. Oh well....some people suck, that's just life. It frustrates me enough to have mom tell my aunt she is on her own to finish her daughter's flowers for her wedding that my mom is doing...because she is too busy with campaign stuff. The only reason for not doing that is bc the daughter getting married is not the one being a snot about helping...so she shouldn't have to suffer. They are going to be in for a shock when the 18th comes and all of us have to be out doing campaign stuff to get it done before the election and won't be able to help with anything before the wedding. We will have time enough to show up and take a seat for the wedding. Unfortunately, the mother of the bride can't do anything without my mom at her side when it comes to this wedding planning and execution. My mom had to go with them to order the cake, even. So, they are going to be flustered. But, if they were able to help out more, then we wouldn't be so under the wire at this point. Bah, im done ranting. really i am.

My sister has her OB appointment today. It's her first one with the OB. Everyone looked good when she went for the ultrasound and they set her due date for May 1st. Our gma's bday was May 3. It would be sooo sweet if she had her baby that day! I am hoping. She already has a cute little belly showing. It's so exciting. Well, I am off here to read my two chapters for my quiz tonight. Have a great day!

I've had my moments...

That's what I want on my headstone. LOL. Seriously, though, our assignment in Social Work with the aging is to write our own eulogy and then an epitaph. The epitaph being the words or phrase that goes on your headstone. I have been thinking about it and the possibilities are endless, of course. But, I love that song, "Moments" by Emerson Drive. It is beautiful and truly, ..."Looking at me now, you may not know it, but Ive had my moments...."

School is going well for me, it's the getting there and home that's hell. My car is sooo close to being fixed yet it still is working right. Jeremy changed the transmission (actually had to take it out, put it in, take it out, put it in) and it is still not shifting properly. A couple people have thrown out a few suggestions. He tried one of them this evening and still nothing. Honestly, we don't have the money to keep throwing at it and Jeremy doesn't have the patience to keep chasing rabbits. He is quite mechanically inclined and what he doesn't know, he can learn quickly. However, he is not a certified mechanic and everything he has learned has been from hands on, life experience. But, he is unsure where to go with it from here and he is ready to just scrap the car. We can't do that though because we don't have money for a new one either. It's a no win situation. Meanwhile, my dad is now on 10 hour shifts and I have lost my ride to school in the evening as well. I need a ride 5 times a week. Once on mon, tue, thur and twice on wed. The thought of withdrawing from my classes has crossed my mind, believe me. But, the other part of me refuses to let this obstacle get in my way, damn it. I want this degree soooo bad and I refuse to give in. I am going to fight, tooth and nail. But, I am tired, weary and the fight is dwindling. I can only pray that the problem is something simple and that it can be fixed expediently. (hah, fancy word, did i use it properly? lol). Anyway, as it looks, we are back to waiting for my student to loan to come through, which I have heard nothing about so far, other than it will be processed somewhere btwn the 9th and 23th of this month. What happens from there, who knows. All I know is that I need the money, I need my car fixed and I need to be able to get on with my measely life, already. Gah! I can laugh...I just did, seriously.


Enough whining already, I know. Makenneh has her first field trip of the year on the 13th. We are going to Grandpa Tiny's Farm. Thankfully, it's on a friday, so I will be able to join her! I was worried about being able to attend field trips and such. Makenneh is doing better in school every time papers are sent home. When she does something wrong, we go over it with her when she gets home, we practice and I tell her to be sure to follow directions. It seems to be paying off because she had a paper to do with patterns. You know, what comes next?! Well, she got 2 of the 5 wrong. I sat her down, made up some new patterns and had her fill in what came next. We practiced it, talked about it and today she brought home one that was perfect! Way to go! She is so eager to learn and just loves school, so I don't worry too much about her slow beginning thanks to mommy with postpartum depression and her head up her rear a bit. I did a few things right, I suppose!

Sebastian is totally, completely potty trained. I haven't bought diapers in about 3 weeks maybe. And we skipped the pull up stage altogether. Just on into big boy undies!

Well, I am going to close for now because I need to get to bed. I am tired, in pain from cramps that won't quit and just feel blah.

I will post the lyrics to that song, before I go, because they are great and speak to me....hope you enjoy them:

Moments, by Emerson Drive

I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

What's that I hear?

OH yeah, silence. Why? Because my parents aren't back yet from their trip up north to my gma's house and they have Makenneh with them. Then, my boys (Jeremy and Sebastian) fell asleep while watching a movie together in our bedroom. I am quite close to being home alone! It has been ever so long since this has happened. I usually have at least one person with me. I know it won't last long but it's nice while it is happening. I read my chapter for class tomorrow and now I am spending time on here, without interruption. And I don't have to feel guilty because the kitchen is clean, laundry mostly done and chili is still simmering on the stove. I feel all domestic. LOL.

Jeremy and I had a great weekend with the little guy. He was so well behaved over the weekend and we had fun together. He also is completely potty trained now. For a couple weeks, he did all his peeing on the potty but no poop. He was saving that for his undies. So, we got it all together and he is doing ALL of his business on the big potty. YEah, the big potty, not even the potty chair. So, i can convert that back to a step stool for them to use at the sink. (it is multi-functional).

Makenneh's first fundraiser is due tomorrow. She earned a few prizes, chintzy as they are. But, to young kids, it's still exciting.

Well my sister just called and she her hubby are on their way over. (See, told ya it wouldn't last long, lol).

Have a great week!

Just another Manic Monday

Today has been one of those days. I got home from school and both kids were just being horrible. Makenneh more so. Her mouth is out of control. She got grounded last night for her mouthiness and today continued the trend. When she would ease up, Sebastian would start in with whining or something equally irritating. I was meanwhile trying to read my chapter in Child Welfare and do my take home quiz. It took me about four hours to read one chapter and answer 3 questions. That should shine some light on the number of interruptions I had to deal with. Then, it all came to head a little bit ago. I was in here googling AA meetings in my area because I have to attend one for my Substance Abuse class and write a paper, that is due on Thursday. While searching for meeting locations and times, I hear the kids outside carrying on. Then I hear Sebastian start crying. I didn't think much of it because well, they have been going on like this all day. Then, I hear Makenneh hollering for me. I fly up and run out the door. I am literally 5 steps from the front door. As I open it, she is telling me Sebastian is hurt and bleeding and there he is, bleeding. She threw a chair and it hit him in the head. He refused to get in the shower to let me wash him, so I had to get a wash cloth and do it. The cut is minimal but like any cut to the head area, they bleed. I was able to wash the blood off his arms, hands, legs, etc but can't get it out of his hair without a shower. HE refuses so for now, he is running around with blood in his white hair. Lovely. I called Jeremy almost in tears because I am at my wits end. I don't want to see anymore blood spurting from any parts of the body for a while. I have had my share, thank you.

I have a test on Wednesday in my Social Work with the Aging class. It's open book/open notes, so that's a plus. The state of mind im in right now isn't conducive to productive studying. I've read all the chapters - 5 of them are included on this test and I have taken all the class notes, so I should be fine.

well, hours have passed since I started this blog...but had to get kids to bed and then call my sister to see if she could print my homework that is due Wednesday. I emailed it to her to have her print. What a pain. I so hope I am getting enough back from financial aid to get either my car running and a computer or a different car and a computer. either way, I need wheels and a computer. This isn't going to work all semester long.

My dad finally got called back to work today. They want him to go back tomorrow. He was a little frustrated with the lack of notice. He was in the midst of a home project when they called this afternoon so he had to wrap that up. Then, it allows no time to readjust. He has been off for a month. And the other dilemma is I now have no wheels to get to my day class on mon and wed. Nor do I have wheels for my jury duty that starts next Thursday. They did get the title to that other car and got it all legal but the brakes are very bad so can't drive it too far. I may have to until I get my money from financial aid. It just seems to be one thing after another. I guess I am supposed to have my money 3 weeks from the date of record for the college, which was the 15th. That would mean I still have 2 weeks to wait. I don't know how well it is going to work out. but better to know I have some money coming than not to have any coming. Oh well.

Well, my head is still spinning from my crappy day and crazy night. I am going to get off here before I ramble more nonsense. I have some loose ends to tie up for school and then I am going to bed. Ok, i will probably read blogs and unwind a bit too!

PS...Sebastian finally let me wash the blood out of his hair awhile ago. I couldn't let him go to bed like that. I figured if i just ignored it for a bit, he would cooperate. Lucky me, it worked.

I'm still here

Julie brought it to my attention that it's been awhile since I've posted. Yes, it has. For no particular reason, other than everyday life happening. One day last week, Makenneh was at her friend's house playing and comes home, holding a wad of paper towel to her head, blood running down her arm, crying. I run to her, ask her what happened and she said she was under Cassie's table and it happened. I was upset that they left her to walk home, bleeding from her head, by herself. I get her in the house, try to clean it up so i can see the damage. Every time the towel is pulled away, the blood starts pouring out. My mom freaks out in the sight of any danger and my dad had just left to run to town. Jeremy wasn't yet home from work. I had to be strong because I didn't want to upset Makenneh any more than she already was. I got a washcloth wet and began to try to wash away the blood to see the wound. In the meantime, I'm asking Makenneh what happened. I guess they were playing hide and seek and she crawled under the table. She hit her head on something and voila! My mom went over to check but saw no nails or sharp things under there, so i have no idea. Once I got the bleeding to stop, I saw that the wound wasn't nearly as bad as the bleeding may have implied. It was a small cut right in her hairline on the left side. I cleaned it all up and asked her how she felt. The bleeding stopped, her eyes dialated properly and she was ready to go play some more! I convinced her to relax on the couch for a bit while I cleaned up the bathroom. In the midst of this, before I had had a chance to see the wound, Cassie comes over and says how she has to get the blood cleaned before her mom gets home because she will be mad and blame it all on Cassie. Wow, i was livid. Here my kid is, bleeding from the head and everyone is concerned about blood on carpet of a rental unit. I wanted to puke, cry and scream at once. After I got to the wound and saw that it wasn't a gaping hole or anything and had Makenneh cleaned up, I told Cassie that my dad attends church with her landlord and will explain to him that the blood on his carpet is Makenneh's and I am sure the landlord will have no real problem with it. I am sure his first question would be whether or not Makenneh was ok. My assumption is, her mom must be quite the "meanie" about things because why else is this 11 yr old more worried about mom seeing blood on the carpet than the safety of the person whose blood it is? She kept saying it over and over, too, as if she were really worried bout it. I don't know. Anyway, Makenneh is well, has a small boo boo that her hair hides and all is well.

Then, Friday night I was able to spend the evening in the ER because Jeremy got a fish hook in his finger. I almost passed out while in the room while the doctor was getting it out. I have never reacted like that before. I mean, I watched his vasectomy without a flinch. But, here I was, pouring sweat, chilled, sick to my stomach, shaking legs, ready to pass out. They gave him an antibiotic but nothing for pain. It tends to throb and hurt at times, but for the most part, he is doing fine. It's gross because they have to poke the hook through the other side to clip off the barbs, then pull the hook back out. Ugh, so gross! So those are the exciting*but not fun* events of my week.

On a brighter note: Sebastian is potty trained. He has been all week plus without diapers. At first, I was using diapers at night still, but JEremy had forgotten to put one on one night and he remained clean and dry, so he doesn't even get them at night! I am so done with diapers. He still has occassional accidents, but I just never thought we would get this far! Whew! No more diapers for me!

My brother officially proposed to his girlfriend last night. It was sweet. They already have a baby together and already knew they were going to get married, but he got the ring and made the proposal last night while they were in Frankenmuth, enjoying an evening out together! Their wedding is set for August 29, 2009. So many weddings

Well, my dear hubby is over my shoulder, patiently anticipating the use of the internet (just one more min, honey)....so I am gonna get off here and take a little rest!

Have a great week!

Holy Gas Prices

STick me with a fork, Im done. Gas was around 3.85/gallon this morning. By afternoon, it was jumping to 4.95, with talks that in surrounding cities it was already reaching 6.00 and 7.00 per gallon. Are you kidding me?! I don't want to go out tomorrow and see that high of gas prices. It's insane. The gas stations all have long lines, backing traffic up and it's just a crazy thing out there. People trying to top off their gas tanks before the huge hike in gas prices. Unbelievable it is. But, it does help to prove a sort of point, i suppose. If we speak from a political view point. Many people think the president has much control over gas prices. If this were so, does any realistic being think that a president would allow them soar sooo entirely high this close to election? Even if he can't be reelected, he is going to want a republican to take his seat. Therefore, if he had control, he would certainly keep it from jumping this damn high this close to the election. So, I think that theory is now blown out of the water. At least to some degree, if we think about it this logically. It would hurt the republican party to allow this when the election is so close. Just think about that for a moment.

Enough politics. Let's talk weather because well, my life is THAT pathetic and well, the weather is peculiar as of late. We are looking at rain all weekend and it already started today. I saw on Julie Q's blog that it is due to Ike. Great, we get the residual effects of Ike. She had mentioned that we may experience winds up to 40 mph. Yikes. To think that the effects of the hurricane can reach us all the way up here. It's amazing how it all works. I was hoping for better weather this weekend though. I even got a burn permit so we could have a bonfire. but, the forecast doesn't seem to allow for any of that.

Tomorrow is Jeremy's birthday. I bought him some steaks and I am making Chocolate Upside Cake. it is sooo yummy! But, i realized tonight that I forgot the darn chocolate chips so I will have to run out tomorrow and get those. Here I thought I could avoid the store tomorrow. Oh well. ha, i have hershey bars, I may just decide to break those up and use them instead. I am over this going to the store all the time. It gets tiring. Especially when you haven't money to shop around and pick up things that tickle your fancy. Takes all the fun right out of it. Hah! Hopefully tomorrow isn't as humid as today. I don't want to do the whole oven thing if so. It was so hazy today. The temp didn't get too high, but the air was so thick you could nearly slice it with a knife. You could certainly see it.

i was going to put more money on my cell phone (I was supposed to do it the beginning of hte month but i didn't have the money) and I am getting frustrated. Walmart only cells Top-up cards (the ones I use for my Virgin phone) in $30 incriments. WEll, I need like 34.00. I didn't want to buy 60.00 worth of cards today bc we just don't have the extra money right now. i thought I could put the 30 on and then use my debit card for the few extra dollars. I got the site and realized that they only let you pay in 10.00 increments. Grrrr...striking out all over here. I haven't gone to the bank in forever (jeremy gets paid cash) so I have like no money in there. So, now I have to wait til monday when I can go to bank, deposit money, so I can use my debit card to put 10.00 on there. No winning. At least I will have it in time for the school week. It is awfully dark on campus at night. I was a bit upset about that. The main campus isn't in the best of areas and they have had problems there before. Yet, the damn place is poorly lit and classes are letting out at 9pm. And because of crappy parking, you must walk all across the campus to get from class to car. I think I shall invest in some pepper spray. Funny how it never bothered when i went when I was younger. I dind't think twice. Now, I stepped out of the building and was like, "Whoa! This isn't even cool." I mentioned something to one of the girls walking out with me and she said her friend was attacked on that campus about 8 or 9 yrs ago. I usually don't worry about that kinda stuff too much. I mean, i am alert while walking, I am paying attention to my surroundings and always on the lookout. But, i usually don't fret about it. Mom says I dare to go where Angels fear to tread. She says that because I will drive through the hood if need be. I don't freak out and have a melt down. I keep my chin up, eyes open and go about my business. It just shocks me that the college is putting all this money into freaking landscaping and huge speed bumps that about take your oil pan off and yet, they can't get some better/brighter lighting. Makes no sense to me. They put in new speed bumps last weekend. I got to school on monday, go over the speed bump at the normal speed (under 25mph) and bottomed out...of course, as i reached the next one, i noticed that all these bumps have scrapings of paint on them....so obviously everyone was doing the same thing. I slowed to a complete stop and rolled over teh rest of them. I can't afford to have an oil pan or muffler ripped off by a damn speed bump. But lo and behold, those things we cut down yesterday when i got there. I knew they were too high. Sure they had a lot of complaints.

My brother and Sara picked a date for their wedding. August 22, 2009. I have to email the church to reserve the date. I need to do that now, so I don't forget. Next year is gonna be another busy one for me. Jeremy's cousin is getting married in May, in Vegas, having a reception in June and a shower in probably march or april. My sister is due May 1st, so a shower in march or april. My nephew graduates in June, so an open house in June for him. My brother gets married in August and a shower in june or july. Then my cousin gets married in December, so a shower in october or november. Crazy. Those are just the events I already know about. Heaven knows I will get more open house invites at least. And at least one more shower or something to attend. Wow.

Well, i am going to get off here and finish up things so i can get to bed...have a great weekend. I may not be around much, as usual on the weekends.

Just a tad tired?!

Between early mornings for Makenneh going to school, me starting school and then the added fatigue of my "monthly", I am just beat. Proof: this afternoon I was so tired i couldn't stay up another moment. I thought I would ay down on the couch for a bit and just rest. I fell dead asleep and didn't wake until I was having a dream that I was getting ready to leave for class and realized I had a bunch of homework to do. That woke me up. I looked at the clock and had to shake my head and clear the fog to see again. It was 530pm and I had to be to class at 6pm. I normally leave at 5ish to be sure i get there on time, btwn construction, detours, parking and walking to class. I had to change into my jeans (bc i had pj pants on) and I flew out the door. I didn't have time to do anything else. It was such a horrid feeling. The kids were outside playing so I didn't get to kiss them good bye, I hadn't made dinner, nothing. Of course, living with my parents meant that I was able to nap in the first place and I knew that between Jeremy and my parents, the kids would be fed but it was still rough. And of course, it's a rough start to a class. I was a couple mins late to class, no big deal. But, as I took my seat in the group I work with for our project, I realized that we were having a quiz and that I hadn't read chapters 1 & 2. Ugh!!!! Not enough time to read, so i just hit the summaries and hoped for the best. Well, as it turns out, the teacher let us take the quizes in our groups, so btwn the reading I was able to do in those few mins and working in the group, I only missed 2. Whew! Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

My sister had her ultrasound today and everything looks great. She is Due May 1st. Well, take your pick. The doc said April 3oth based on the first day of her last period. U/S said May 1st. LOL. I'm guessing anytime in there, huh?! They were able to hear the heartbeat and of course, that was a relief. I am sure that my sister will be able to relax now and really enjoy the rest of her pregnancy. For the most part. She was so worried after having had the cramps and discharge. Although, both issues have been explained and the doc had even said the early ultrasound wouldn't be necessary. she wanted it anyway for peace of mind. Now she has it. It will be the last peace of mind she will ever have now! hahahahahahhahahaaa. Makenneh keeps saying that Aunt Carrie has one boy and one girl in her belly. I think that's too cute. Of course, they only saw one in there today, so I don't think that will be an issue.

Tomorrow my mom has a funeral to go to. One of her cousins passed away. She is about my mom's age (don't think she is over 50). She had a clot on/in/near her lungs, so they had placed a mesh thing around it to prevent more clots and then there was another clot, so she had an upcoming appointment at UofM hospital. Well, she began to have severe pain and such, so she went in to their ER and was being transported to Cardiac Care for the clot when they lost her pulse. They did everything they could to bring her back, but she was gone. She has a minor child and husband that she leaves behind. It's rather sad. It just goes to show that when our time on Earth is done, it is done. On that same note, the "words from the pastor" section of the weekly pamphlet at church had a bit about living like you were dying. It was very eye opening to read. It read something like this: I have a life-threatening ailment and am dying. and goes on to talk about how we are all inflicted with this ailment. We are all dying. Puts things into perspective. I think we often forget that little piece. We say the things we would do if we knew were dying, yet, we already know we are dying and we still don't do these things. We put it off until tomorrow, with the thought that tomorrow never comes. (which tomorrow does come. We just call it something else. We call it TODAY!). And speaking of death- me, my sister and my mom all went to get our rings inspected and cleaned. Mom's ring has to be sent in because one of the diamonds are loose. The lady told her that she really needs to get it soldered because that's what is causing the damage. AS the two rings (engagement/wedding) knock back and forth on each other, the one diamond is constantly being hit by the other ring....thus loosing it. If it were soldered together, that wouldn't happen. Well, mom didn't want her ring soldered because she had the thought that unsoldered, each of us girls could have a piece. Now, that isn't going to work and she was all worried about who would get her ring when she dies and how could she keep it fair. Sis and I told her we would bury it with her. NO she said. Today, she brought it up again and kinda talked herself through a solution. She said she would like me to have the ring because it is a nice set and my sister already has a nice set. Mine is just a solitaire and band (which I am completely happy with-it's what I chose). I told her it doesn't matter to me. SHe then said that she has her mom's rings too. So, I said well how about you give that to Carrie because I already have one of my gma's rings. And while this ring didn't cost as much as the wedding set, it is an expensive piece (and one i am always complimented on). That way, sis gets one of gma's rings, too. I really don't care, because my thoughts on this stuff is this: material possessions do not bring your loved one back. They don't make or erase the memories of the heart. They just don't matter. The bonds of life, of living, aren't dependant upon the material things. I cherish the ring that was my gma's and it is my prized possession (honestly, probably the nicest thing I own), but it doesn't change the memories I have of my grandma. Those memories exist with or without the ring. So, yeah, don't know how I got off on that subject, but now it's out there. And during a car ride, we were able to settle the dilemma.

Mom went and bought a nice, fancy camera today. she has wanted one for a long time and didn't want to just settle, so she has been researching cameras and learning things about them to make the best decision. She finally bought one today. It's quite a fancy contraption and I had to tease her about what she planned on photographing with this fancy thing. I had to give her a hard time out of fun. She has had her face burried in the "digital SLR book for dummies" almost all day. That came in the camera bundle she bought. Along with a printer (not that we needed another of those), an additional lens and then a starter kit that included a carry bag, extra battery and uv protection lens. My goodness, I didn't realize taking pictures could be so involved. Point and shoot, please. Although, i am a bit excited to have her take pics of the kids and see how well they turn out.

Well, I am sure this post has become lengthy enough and i need to finish my rounds on here and get to bed. 630am comes too darn early for this girl!

Grandparents' Day

Today is Grandparents' Day at Makenneh's school. The gparents get to visit with the kids at school and have a lunch together. Makenneh is so excited. We've been having issues with her in the morning. She just doesn't like to get up that early. She tells me that she isn't going to school or riding the bus because she doesn't want to get up so early. Last Friday was a true testament to her disdain for mornings. Jeremy was home (they often don't work on Friday). I had gone in to wake her and she was quite tired so I told her she could sleep for a few more mins. I sent Jeremy in to wake her after about 10 mins and she tells him, "YOU RUINED MY BIG SLEEP!!!!" She was so mad! We had to fight back the laughter. She was a bit resistant at first to the whole morning routine, but I told her if she was good and got ready, she could have ice cream when she got home. Bribery will get you everywhere. That coupled with my gentleness and constant encouragement changed her mood. I hope that as she gets more used to the early mornings, it will go smoother for her. She told me that she liked getting up like she did for Miss Laura's class (last year's headstart). Of course she did. She didn't have to be up til 10am. I can't blame her...mom doesn't like mornings much either. But, I told her that and that mom still has to get up early every morning. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like doing. Such is life.

I am on week 2 of classes. They are going fine. It's so much more fun when all your classes are specialized for the field you are entering. I have a computer class and a lab that I have to take for general ed requirements, but other than that, the gen eds are done. It's mostly social work from here on out.

As for Sebastian, it doesn't look like he is going to school this year. The coordinator hasn't gotten back with me and he still isn't potty trained, so I am not pushing it either. I just don't know about that boy. He is so content to sit in soaking wet diapers. Not a bother to him at all. I switched to store brand diapers, hoping that the wetness would get to him more (vs. the better brands that wick moisture away so they feel dry). It doesn't matter, all that happens is he sits in his diaper until it is literally leaking out and soaking whatever he sits on.

I cannot wait for my student loan and the leftover money from my grant. I should be getting it in early October. I can get my car fixed and back on the road and I can put some money in savings and feel that much closer to getting our own place. I just have to remind myself that this will all be over sooner or later and I will be able to look back at it and laugh. But, darn if I am not sure I have the patience for waiting that long. I want things "fixed" now. And Jeremy's job will be winding down soon because they don't work through the winter. He is a "temp" employee with the company so he won't get unemployment. So, he has to start looking for something which will mean I will have to take him to and fro. It's overwhelming to think about at times. But, until we can get all that crap from his past cleared up, this is the way it will be. You take the good, you take the bad....

Well, I guess I am done here for now. Just needed some release of thoughts! Have a great day!

Back to school for me!

Last night was my first class....Intro to Social Work. Today I had Social work with the Aged. Tonight I have Child Welfare and tomorrow night I have Intro to Substance Abuse. So far, so good. Today's teacher...Mrs. Lawson, is a stickler on cell phones. They are to be turned OFF (not even vibrate bc that makes noise still) and if you feel it's important enough to take a call during class, pick your stuff and walk out and keep walking. Do not come back into the class that day. IF you forget any of your things while you go to take a call, you have to wait until class is OVER to pick them up. WOW. I understand that a lot of people lack cell phone etiquette and they can be quite disruptive. Your bff calling during class doesn't require you to answer right away. SHe can assuredly wait until your 1.5 hr class is over. I get all that. I get that it is disruptive to have ppl coming in and out of the classroom taking calls. BUt, I have two small children; one of which started Kindy this year. IF for some reason, God forbid, the school or sitter needs to reach me, I am taking the call. NOw, suppose the school calls to tell me that Makenneh got sick at school. I would then call someone else to go get her..someone who lives closer and could get to her before me. I would then go back to class, because the class is only a total of 1.5 hrs, so as long as it's not a dire emergency (throwing up can be handled by gma or auntie), it could wait. SHe would be in the care of a loving family member, getting rest and all that she needs. But, with this teacher's policy, I would have to leave class for hte day and take an absence. Grrrr! I pride myself with my excellent attendance. B ut, this chick makes us "clock in and out" of class so if to add up absences. Leave 5 mins early, come in 20 mins late, etc will add up to an absence. I know why she is doing it. Some people have no respect. But, still, damn it why do the rest of us have to be punished. We are all adults, with the few exceptions of dually enrolled seniors.
End of rant.

Other than that, it's going well. I am a bit tired....the early mornings, go go go. Add to that my cousins (one or another) have been stopping by and staying rather late, keeping me up. I have been too nice and haven't said anything, but no more. I am getting too old (as the AARP app proves) and cannot hang out all night, even if it is just sitting at my kitchen table playing rummy. LOL. I am tired. Need my beauty rest.

Well, I shall get off here and get dinner started. Jeremy will be home soon and I will be leaving in about an hour or so for my next class. Enjoy your evenings! I am sure I will!

What are "they" trying to tell me?

So, Jeremy goes to the mailbox this afternoon and comes in with the mail. As he lays it on the table he says (jokingly of course), "See, I told you you were getting old." What???? What are you talking about?

I received an AARP membership application/card today. Yes, I did. I am not quite sure whether to be humored by this, or mortified. Mostly, I suppose, I'm humored by it. Membership fees are 12.50/yr for you and your spouse. I told him I am half-tempted to pay it, just for shits and giggles. And I have to appreciate the last line in their little letter: "You'll also appreciate AARP's trustworthy information and resources. It can help you protect your health, your money and your career, and make the most of life over 50."

Well, then. So this is life over 50? I was certainly hoping for something a little better. Say, having my own place, children mostly grown, ya know....those kinds of things. But, hey. AARP has me in the over 50 club already. Hahahaha. I can't help but think how my mom would be sooo mortified by the thought. LOL. OF course, this comes today when I do feel 50 and was already reminded of my aging.
My cousin and her husband came over last night and we got to playing Euchre. Well, they ended up staying here until 630am. Yes! I had been up for 23.5 hours at that point. Wow! I have had bits and pieces of broken sleep, totalling about 2 hours. I tried taking a nap but it just wasn't working..i couldn't sleep. I am feeling it though. I am just too darned old for those tricks. My cousin and her hubby don't have kids yet, so they don't understand the true value of sleep. Someday, someday. We had a good time and time really just flew by, as we played game after game, paying little to no mind to the time.

I called my mom earlier and they are on their way home..should be here any time now, actually. I hustled around picking up because, while the house wasn't trashed or anything, my mom is anal about not coming home from a trip to a messy house. So, i made sure the dishes were done, things picked up, the floors vaccuumed, etc. And even lit some candles to make it smell nice and pretty!

Well, I am going to head back outside and spend time with the family...that's what we were doing earlier. It's beautiful outside. And i may just have to fill out my membership application...lol.

Is this day over yet?

Wow, it has been one of those strange days. Not really bad. Just blah. Jeremy didn't have to work today..and we just lazed around all darn day. I did start laundry shortly after opening my eyes this morning (which I woke up at 7am....when Makenneh didn't have school today). I have also done the dishes more times than I care to count today (Frankly, once is plenty, but where do all these dishes come from? I think I will not cook dinner anymore, lol). I had a roast started by noon and a pot of green beans from the garden started shortly thereafter. We have all these beans and well, they need to be eaten or blanched and frozen (which I have done that as well). And my sister brought tomatoes over last weekend to can, but decided not to bother, bc there wasn't a lot and it was very hot. But, she left them so we have them on top of the ones we have picked from our own garden. Best part? I don't do tomatoes. I like them in chilis and casseroles and such but I do not like uncooked, plain tomatoes. Neither does Jeremy. The kids aren't overly excited about them either. So, here they sit. I did send some over to the neighbors. Of course, dad had mentioned prior to leaving that if i felt ambitious, i could can them. hah. I haven't felt the surge, sorry. I have never had anything to do with canning and it seems a bit intimadating to try it on my own for the first time...even my sister consults mom's help with the canning and she is all into that stuff.

So, back to my lazy, blah day. Jeremy has been sleeping since around 5something and it is now almost 9pm. I have not bothered with dressing...just put on my peasanty type skirt and a tank top and called it good. I could easily go to bed right now and not feel bad. OF course, the kids are still up and that is what I have to do once I am done here. Makenneh fights bedtime so bad because she has a friend next door, Cassie, and they play all day, every waking moment and why should she part with Cassie to do something so trivial and boring as sleep? There are bugs to catch and insects to ponder over and caterpillars to watch cacoon and games to play and barbies to dress and pages to color. No time for sleep. Barely time for eat. So, every night we have to listen to her whine and cry about how she wants to play with Cassie and it's not even fair and she doesn't want to go bed and can Cassie read to me and it's not even dark outside and and and. I am so glad that she has such a good friend but my, I am over hearing about Cassie this and Cassie that. ANd don't dare argue with Cassie's wisdom. If Cassie says it is so, why then, it must be so. I am sure that as the school year progresses, she will find friends in her classroom and maybe this Cassie fascination will slow down. But, for the summer, Cassie is all she had and they have so much in common, despite Cassie being 11 yrs old. They love to catch the bugs and then Cassie looks them up online and tells Makenneh what they are, what they eat, where they live, etc. Cassie loves to learn and she is digs to find the knowledge and that is an admirable trait...one I don't mind rubbing off on Makenneh (not that Makenneh lacks there, anyway, she loves to learn the stuff as well).

Anyway, I have babbled enough. I am bored out of my mind and it is time to put the children to bed...and maybe collapse there myself. Have a good night everyone

Another Morning ETA: BOOKS!

Makenneh is doing very well getting up in the morning. I was a little skeptical at first, because this girl has loved to sleep in since she got the hang of actually sleeping. It took her a couple years to decide to sleep through the night, but once she got it...well, even before she got it, mornings weren't her thing. She got that from me, I'm quite sure. So, when I found out she would have morning kindy, I cringed for myself, because, well, I don't do mornings. I also feared the battle I would have getting her up that early. But, I figured, she has to get it down sometime, because first grade gives no option. To my surprise, she jumps right up out of bed when I wake her. No grumbles, no fuss. I have minimal problems getting her ready in the morning. The main thing is, she is a dawdler. Takes her sweet time, assuming time will stop for her. But it's not too bad. She loves going to school and riding the bus, so I just to mention that she doesn't want to miss the bus and she steps it up.

Last night her school had a back to school open house. We were able to meet her teacher, get info on girl scouts, a savings account program through a local credit union and of course, the endless sign up sheets for volunteering. We signed her up for girl scouts...well didn't officially sign up but filled out the form to be contacted about it. Makenneh also wants to do the savings account thing they offer. I think it's quite neat. Every wednesday, a rep from the credit union comes in and collects the kids' deposits, shows them how the savings account works and all that good stuff. I think that is a great learning tool. Makenneh loves money..she loves to hoard it. She picks up change, saves any money we give her and stashes it in one of her purses. I have to go over the paperwork on it and see what it all about and make a decision about the savings plan. I feel bad bc my sister works at a bank and if i opened an account there, she would get credit but having this through the school is so much easier and it gives Makenneh a hands on approach to saving money. I also signed up to volunteer for several different things. They will send info home closer to each event and I can decide then if I am able to do it. It will all depend on what days these things fall and what my school schedule is, my vehicle situation, etc. But, I will try to do what I can.

My sister went to the doctor yesterday morning. When she initially called for the appointment, they set it for next week. My mom told her to call back and explain the cramping and discharge, so she did. They told her to come in the very next morning. He did her blood work and sent it off and called the OB to talk to him, let him know the lab work has been done and that he would be receiving it in his office. Then, her doctor (who is also our doctor and I love him), ordered an ultrasound that will be in two weeks. I thought it was great that he did that, rather than make her wait until she got into the OB and have him order it. So, in two weeks she will be able to put her mind completely at ease. THe doc explained that it very well could be normal. On the flip side, it could mean something like a tubal pregnancy. We are hoping and praying that that isn't the case and everything is fine. The doc asked her if she was excited and she said she doesn't want to be too excited yet, until she knows everything is fine. He did do a pelvic exam and said that everything feels right, so we hope that is a good sign. Keep her and the baby in your thoughts and prayers. Her due date is April 30th. Our grandma's bday was May 3rd...i told Carrie it would be cool if she had the baby on that day.

I don't know if i had mentioned, but we had Makenneh's school clothes out on Sunday so she could show her grandma chris and I put all the bags back in my room, or so i thought. Monday, i was uanble to find one of hte bags that has a few pair of her pants in it. I am stressed because I still haven't found it. Every day, I dig through here trying to find it. The only thing I can think of it was left in the living room and got mixed in with the stuff my parents had stacked up to take camping with them. I am hoping that is the case and I will have them back this weekend. Otherwise, the girl is gonna be short of school clothes. Luckily, she has enough clothes to get her through the first week. I don't know what else could have happened to them. so frustrating.

Well, Sebastian is ready for breakfast, so I am off here...have a good day

ETA: I am soooo excited, my books came today. I ordered them on Friday night and here they are. I am ready for school now! Woohoo!

Freezing

Ugh, I left the windows open last night and couldn't sleep because I kept waking up cold. It got mighty cold last night. I now wish I would have taken the extra time to go through and shut windows before going to bed. I will be sure to do that tonight. I actually turned the furnace on when i got up this morning to take the chill off the air and I am just now beginning to thaw out. My parents were probably popsicle sticks sleeping in a dang tent in the UP.

Makenneh loves school. She had a great day. And of course she brought home several forms I had to fill out and I got those all done and ready to turn in. Sebastian had his physical and that is out of the way. He had to have two shots, poor thing. On the way home, he told me, "She hurt me mom". When he saw daddy he told daddy, "They still hurt" and then last night he told me, "No more boo boos, mommy." Whew. He did cry a bit more than Makenneh ever did but he still bounced back rather fast. The doctor asked if we are having any issues and I told him potty training. He gave me a paper on toilet training resistance. But like he said, it's nothing you can force and something they do on their own time. He stressed that I have to refrain from getting frustrated because it only hinders the progress. Of course, I knew all this, but it is nice to hear it again and know that he will be trained before his first date! LOL. ANd I just have to keep reminding myself that once he is done with diapers, I am done with diapers for good! I have been changing dirty diapers for 5 yrs now. I am ready to give them up!


Well, I need to get Makenneh up and get her ready for school..i .let her sleep an extra 15 mins today and we will see how we do for time this time. Yesterday she had too long to sit and wait...she was antsy. Have a great day!

Off to Kindy

I survived putting her on the bus. Tears only stung my eyes after the bus was pulling away. Not too bad. Of course, what really helped is her eagerness to go. I woke her up at 7:05 and she jumped right up, excited about school. She asked if it was time to go to school and I said it was time to get ready to go to school. She jumps out of bed and says, "Im so excited!" I had gotten her up a little bit early because I was unsure of how the morning would unfold and I wanted to allow enough time for everything without too much rush. Hah, she was a trouper. She couldn't wait to get dressed and go wait for the bus. She was ready with over 40 mins to spare. She spent most of the rest of the morning either watching the clock or waiting outside for the bus. I took plenty of pictures, most of which she just had to pose for. As soon as Jeremy digs out the adapter for my printer, I will load them on here ( I am going to make that his mission for this afternoon). I got a cute one of her walking down the driveway. In hindsight, I should've given my mom the camera and had her take a pic of Kenneh and I walking hand in hand down the driveway...but of course, I was still in my pj pants...who really cares though! Anyway, it went well and her bus driver seems to be a real sweet heart.

Ok, thats it for now because Sebastian wants me to sit outside with him.....I may post an update after she gets home!

Wahhhh, I don't want her to go

Makenneh's first day of Kindergarten is tomorrow....in about 10 hours or so....and I have become a blubbering blob of emotions. I didn't think it would be so hard because she has gone to school for the past two years. But, for some reason, I started having anxiety tonight. For one, I realized that we haven't even met her teacher, Makenneh has never been inside this school and oh my, what if she gets lost, scared, etc. I keep thinking of all the what-if possibilities and it makes me ill and fearful. I am usually not like this. I just feel like all my control is being handed over. I am handing one of my prized possessions (my son being the other) over to strangers. I have no control of her safety, well-being, etc for those several hours. I don't know. I have cried and cried. The anxiety actually started when i woke up this morning. We stayed at my uncle's last night. I got up and felt antsy as ever. I couldn't stand it. So, around 1pm we come home. I ran to the store with my mom after awhile and got home to be reminded I had a baby shower this afternoon and my mother in law had called, was on her way to get me. Great..had to rush around for that and abandon all other missions. Get home from at about 730 and well, it's time for bath and bed for the kids. I get Makenneh in the shower and she does fine...until it's time to get out. She melts down. She has an attitude, is being sassy as all hell and wow. It hits me..she is probably feeling anxious about tomorrow, so I stay calm with her. Light bulb goes off ..i still need to run up to the shcool to get the bus route info that should be posted on the doors. Aha. Tell Makenneh that if she is good and gets out of the shower, she can go with me, I will show her where her school is. She gets out and dressed....oh shit, dad is cleaning out car in prep for their trip tomorrow (mom and dad are leaving for a camping trip). Makenneh starts crying that she wants to see her school, I am stressed thinking I won't get to find out what bus she rides and what time she needs to be out there, etc. I bark at Jeremy that the HAS to get fixed, I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE!!!!!! Well, I come in the house and just break down. I call Makenneh into the bedroom and hold her. I wanted so badly to tell her it would be ok, but how could I? I can't be sure that it will be. I just stroke her hair for a moment while I regain my composure. Then, I tell her everything will ok and isn't it exciting and you are going to the very same school mama went to when she was a little girl, and oh the friends you will meet, and don't forget the new clothes and backpack and how fun! She still is upset bc she wants to see her school. I can understand that, because I want her to see it. But, I have no control over the vehicle situation. Did i mention that this is taking place around 8pm? I wanted her in bed at 8pm, not worrying over this stuff. To make a long story a lil shorter, dad finished washing car windows and whatever and mom runs us up there....there is nothing on the doors about teachers, classes, bus routes, nothing. But, she was able to look in through the glass doors and see a bit and I showed her the windows that will probably be her classroom and she felt much better. I also pointed to the area she will get off the bus and whew, we both feel much better. I came home from that and my mother in law had called with the bus number. My mom called her back and they chatted while I got Makenneh to bed. She had gone online and found out that bit of info and I am going to call the bus garage in the morning to find out an appx pick up time. Deep breath, I think we will be ok. Of course, I know I am going to be a wreck tomorrow morning putting her on the bus. I hope I can hold it together though!!! This is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be!

ANd guess what?!!! We found out the other day that my sister is pregnant. She took a home test and it is positive. I think that was on Friday. She is calling tomorrow to get her appointment. She is a bit nervous though because she is having a brownish discharge and she has had cramps....i don't remember those things in my pregnancies and not sure if it normal or not. I know you can spot and stuff, but i don't know the extent. I pray that everything works out because they are so absolutely excited. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. ~*~*~Lots of sticky dust~*~*~

Well, I guess I have exhausted most emotional thoughts for the moments. I have a headache now from the crying and I think I need to go lay my weary head down and try to get some sleep....have to be up early early...bus garage opens at 6am and I must be calling to find out when her bus will be here to get her!

Wish me luck!

la de da

Nothing of particular interest to say tonight. Just thought I would make a quick post before heading off to bed.

My parents leave Sunday to go up north camping. They will be gone all week. I am rather looking forward to some time with just the 4 of us. We are on the summer vacation wind down because Makenneh starts school on Monday. Yep, as of Monday, she will be a kindergartner (have no idea if i spelled that right). I can't believe it. WE got the letter from her teacher today and the only school supplies she needs is a backpack with her name in it. We can donate a box of tissue, hand sanitizer wipes or storage baggies if we wish, but everything else is provided, even a free breakfast. That means no snacks are even needed. I can't believe it. I expected to get a list from here to kingdom come. I remember one year my little cousin Joey got his list of supplies....it included dry erase markers and all kinds of other supplies. It was ridiculous. It was obvious that his teacher was basically asking the students to provide all of her supplies for the year. Which wouldn't be so bad, but it should be on a donation basis, not included in the list of necessity school supplies the parents are "obligated" to buy. So, anyway, I was happy to have such a short list.

Sebastian still refuses to potty train. I even tried the pull ups, out of desperation. Nope..he still pees and poos in them all the same. He is even content to sit in a dirty diaper. He will not want his diaper changed. The boy is strange.

Well, I guess, now that I have discussed pee and poo, can't be much left to talk about right? Hope everyone has a great night.

Some days, err, moments, are diamonds....

Today, Makenneh told me she really wants a parrot. I told her when she grows up and gets her own place, she can have a parrot. She replied: I don't wanna gwow up n have babies and move out. I wanna stay with my mommy foweveh," as she threw her arms around me. It was the most precious moment. I told her she will always be my little girl, even when she's all grown up. Moments like that make the not-so-fun times so worth it.

And now for the story of the walking man and his book. Yes, that's right. He walks, every day, past our house, while reading a book. Face buried right in the thing. I don't know how he manages it. Today, as he passed by, Sparky (the family dog) decides to go out to him, barking. I call for the dog, dog doesn't listen. I yell out to walking book man that the dog won't bite, while Jeremy walks toward road to collect dog. The man takes a few steps past the dog without so much as flinching...then he turns around in a fluid like movement, walks to the dog, all the while his face buried in the book. He removes the book from his face and leans down a bit to let Sparky sniff him, then he pets the dog and picks the book back up to his nose and continues on his way, smooth as silk. It was almost unbelievable to watch. It was strange. Very strange. As Jeremy comes back up to the porch, I say, "I have no idea how he does that; I would lose my place." To which Jeremy replies, "In the book or on the road?" Smart ass. "Both!" was my response. I can never help but watch this guy as he walks by every day. It amazes and baffles me all at the same time.

I am eager to get back to school, despite having no idea how i will actually get there. But, i washed my book bag today (that thing is well over 10 yrs old..i dare say closer to 15 yrs old). It has held up like no other, so I continue to use it. But, thought it could use a run through the wash cycle. I just finished filling it with my pens, pencils, sharpener, some notebooks, folders and other odds and ends. I am ready! Well, I need to go get my books first. I haven't done that yet. It takes a vehicle, which I don't have. So, there is a slight problem. Perhaps I can manage to get down there one day this week. Not that there are many days left in this week.

I had a great laugh session with the hubby tonight that has really helped fight the blahs. WE laughed so hard at each other I thought I would pee in my pants. It feels good to do that. Of course, we had the absolute pleasure of having a couple hours here with just the four of us. The kids played nicely in the toy room and Jeremy and I laughed til our sides hurt.

Well, I guess I have rambled enough for one night. Oh oh, before I go..i am so excited. My mom brought home a Norton 360 disc. She bought it today while she was out with my aunt. I will no longer have to worry about viruses, hackers, trojans, whatever. Of course, went to install it and the program won't open so i have to tech support in the morning to see if we can get it figured out. But, i am closer to protection now. I also found out (ok hubby found out) from my brother in law that we can install our old hard drive on this computer, use it as a slave drive (sounds so kind doesn't it...geesh) and still have access to our music files, photos, etc. I am very happy about that. And having this virus protection will clean up and prevent any of the problems from the old hard drive. ok, enough tech talk...good night

Why the foul language?

Yeah, im posting twice today. We had bunco tonight. Everyone knows how much I look forward to that. But, lately, it has been a bit rough. One of the ladies who plays has a foul mouth. She says the F word every other word and oh my, my ears want to bleed. Then, the past few months we have had a sub and she is the same way...cusses like a foul parrot. Now, don't get me wrong, I drop the F bomb from time to time. But, I do not say it in a group of people, especially when I don't know the other people on a very personal level. I also don't say it around people when I know it would totally offend them. I don't say it in public. I have some restraint. But, these two apparently have no filter whatsoever. Add to that the fact that they have to drink all the time. We never used to have alcohol at bunco. It's not necessary. But there are a few who have joined and they just can't go a day/night without drinking. Wowzers, tonight was crazy. And I lost, so that stinks too. But, it was nice to get out of the house. And I took the time to do my hair and makeup and I wore my new shirt mom and dad got me for my bday, paired with a necklace I had bought from a Lia Sophia Jewelry party. I received so many compliments. It felt good to be so put together. I don't do that very often. Made me feel better though. So, spirits are higher tonight than they were earlier. Hopefully tomorrow will be an even better day! It will!

FInally

Well, my computer finally crashed. I now am using my mother-in-law's old tower, so I can get online. I miss all the things I had on my computer, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Let's see, so much has gone on since I last posted. The first thing....RALPH WON THE PRIMARY ELECTION. This means he will be on the ballot, facing off with the incumbant state rep for our district. This leg of the journey is going to be a lot more hectic. We have to really get out there, get people's votes. A few key things will help. One, people are ready for change. Two, our current state rep isn't out there...people don't know much if anything about him. Three, Ralph's platform appeals to both sides of the political fence. Four, he is an every day joe, wanting to make changes. So, here's to a successful General election!

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 28. The day went quite well. Mom took me out to lunch then we went shopping and I got a couple shirts. We came home, my mother in law dropped the kids off and they had made me cards. Then my sister and Ralph came over, made dinner and we visited. The night before my bday, my brother made me pizza and had cake and ice cream for me. So, it was a nice day. Today is making up for it though. Sebastian has been a whine butt since he woke up this morning. I am at my wit's end with the boy. It doesn't help that my nerves are fried lately. The weight of not having a car is pulling me down quick fast and in a hurry. I feel so trapped, it sometimes takes my breath right away. I feel like a kid who has to ask permission for anything I want to do. I can't just run to the store to get something we need. I have to wait for dad to get home, ask to use the car, usually explain myself, mom comes up with a different option and I am just beside myself. I have cried myself to sleep a few different nights. I know this is all temporary but right now, it feels like pure hell. My patience have dwindled and we need our own place now. Jeremy is still hell bent on the tennessee idea. I don't see how it's feasible right now. We can't stand on our own two feet right now and that has to come before a big move like that. Not to mention, we can get out of here a hell of a lot faster if we stay in MI. Moving to tn will require more money and resources and therefore take a lot longer.

I could write an entire blog on the frustrations as of late. I probably need to. Because bottling them up is leaving me a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It's also making me physically ill. My body aches from head to toe, it hurts to get out of bed in the morning and I know that it all boils down to the stress I am under. It's coming out in physical form. So, for the sake of my sanity, I think I will vent for a bit. Please feel free to skip this section, if you wish. It may very well seem whiney, boring and even a tad angry. But, 'tis my blog and therapy it is.

Frustration one: My dad is on a holy roller kick. Great for him. I am glad that he has reconnected with the Lord and is very involved in church. We were raised in church, going every Sunday twice a day and every wednesday. Then, as we got older, everyone back-slid. There were periods in which us kids would go to church on the church bus, but dad hasn't gone in quite in some time. In all the meantime, I have been saved. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I believe that He died on the cross to pay for my sins. I believe that He rose again and I believe that He will come back for us. I have conversations with Him, I have faith. I realize that all the beauty around me is because of Him. When I see a rainbow, I am reminded of His promise. When I see flowers bloom, I am reminded of His Glory. When I suffer, I know He is with me. I am not a perfect person and I am not free from sin. I probably don't walk as straight and narrow as I could. But, I know, in my heart, that should I die right now, I will be welcomed into heaven to spend the rest of eternity with my Maker. So, why does Dad's "preachin" get to me? Because he is getting worse and worse about finding every little crack and cranny to shove religion down everyone's throat. I don't like that method. I feel that religion is a personal thing and it's btwn each individual and God. I also feel that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and that doesn't make either of us wrong. Last night, my sister was getting frustrated, she had had a bad day and we were trying to play cards and just everything was chaotic. Dad's answer: It's satan trying to pull you back because you were on your prayer bones (she and Ralph had gone to Church Sunday). Ok, so it probably was the devil trying to interfere. But she is frustrated almost to tears and he goes on and on about God this and Satan that and you should do this and you shouldn't do that to the point she was ready to explode. How does that help anyone? She ended up muttering, "you are frustrating me...". I am happy for him that he has found God again. But, for me, God has always been there. Just because I'm not seating in a pew at the church doesn't mean that I have forgotten God. I don't want religion crammed down my throat though. I honestly feel that the people who do that are the ones who turn people away from religion. They do more harm than good. I think that by living the Word and doing what's right, it points people in the right direction. They can see the Glory of God working in you and that will encourage them. Pushing them only results in resistance coming back at you. I have issues with the organized religion. It seems (and I have often felt) that churches promote or create a sense of holier than thou attitude. You go to church, you are preached at about the wrong-doings of others, the fire and brimstone, judge judge judge. NO. I disagree with that. If Suzie wants to believe otherwise, that is her right, perogative. People who don't believe in God don't have to be evil. They can be civil, upright citizens. They just choose not to believe the same way I do and I am ok with that. Ok, end rant one.

The other stressor: MY mom. God love her. She tries. But she is the most negative person I have ever met in my entire life. She lives her life in absolutes so unwilling to see between the lines or in shades of gray. I don't think she even realizes this but she is constantly calling for a pity party..."everything I do turns out wrong..im just gonna quit ____..." For the love of God, please pick yourself up by the bootstraps woman and realize that when one thing goes wrong, it's not the world against you. It's just a bump in the road of life and life will go on. Trust me. I am living it. I have lots of bumps. But, I know that the bumps I have are my own fault, my own choices and nobody else to blame. Even now as I am stressed to the max, I still know there are better times ahead, things will improve and that my lack of patience is one of my biggest enemies. Over the weekend, she had me frustrated to the point of tears. I can't even begin to explain it. We had a volunteer appreciation party for the people who have helped this far with Ralph's campaign. I went to move a roaster over to the buffet table and had to stop short because Sebastian was in my way. The sudden stop caused the lid to come up a bit and i was burned quite badly on my hand from water/steam. I set it down and one lady gave me her bottle of cold water to put on it. My sister and I go outside to splash the water on it (the place we were at didn't have a sink) and i start crying. She asked if i was crying bc of the burn or bc of frustration with mom. I told her it was the frustration. I can't take much more of it. Her insecurities, constantly needing validation, feeling sorry for herself, negativity, absoluteness. It's just too much. It brings me down. And since Aunt Helen has passed and mom is no longer working, i deal with it 24/7. And have no car to get the hell out of here for a moment's reprieve. I love her, she has a lot of great qualities. She is a great person, just have to get past the grit. Just being able to escape here and write on this blog is helping tremendously. I can feel the weight lifting.

Gripe three: have i mentioned yet that i am trapped???? I am. It sucks. and we live out in the sticks so walking to anywhere, other than the next road that leads to nowhere, is out of the question.

ANd on to better things....

I got registered for class...in fact, it was the very last thing I was able to do on my computer before it crashed...was look up the classes and devise a schedule that would work for me. THen I went to the campus the next day (after my dad got home from work) and made it all official. I go monday thru thursday....once a day, except on Wednesdays, when I have two classes. I can't wait for classes to start. I need the break. And speaking of school starting, Makenneh starts kindergarten on the 25th. Sebastian is supposed to start headstart after Labor day, but he wants nothing to do with potty training yet, so it looks like he may be stuck home another year with mom. I have been working hard with him the past week or so and he just won't do it. We have even taken away the privelage of video games until he potty trains (we did this quite awhile ago). he still won't do it. I am out of ambition. I figure he will be in diapers until high school graduation. the only time he wants to use the potty is at night, after he has been put down for bed. Miraculously, it is then that he can read the cues to need to go to potty and then want to use the toilet. Almost every night. But, the rest of the time, forget it. ANd I know he is using it as a tool to get out of going to bed (delay bedtime) but at the same time, hard to tell him no when the rest of the time, i am begging him to use the potty. Ugh. 5 yrs of diapers..i am ready to be done with them.

Well, while I was in here typing this, Sebastian snuck out to uncover the tractor, so i need to go take care of that issue. It's always something. I can't wait to have my own place, so i can relax. Here, i am on constant go.