Doh! Stacy reminded me....

That I never posted about Sebastian's visit to the doc. Sorry for keeping you in suspense. The doctor said that it seems to be an inclusion cyst which is just to say that he had gotten something in there at some point and the foreign body never worked itself out, causing the cyst to grow. He said we could remove it but that would involve putting him under and then risking the possibility that the scar tissue would cause him more problems down the road or we could do a wait and see approach, seems how it doesn't bother him unless we grown ups are making a fuss about it. It doesn't cause a limp, it doesn't hurt and he doesn't even realize it's there until we start rubbing and poking and such. He did get some measurements and wants me to bring him back in 8 weeks for a recheck. But, you can visibly see where the foot was cut (like sliver or something sharp). So, the inclusion cyst makes sense. And we are just gonna wait and see how it goes.

I forgot to post all that because I have been so miserable. The kids have all taken turns keeping me up late (and all) night with diarrhea and vomiting, then I took my own turn with it. Only, on top of that, I have a nasty cough that has left me with painful ribs. I have coughed so much, my sides hurt. I also now have the whole allergy thing going on...itchy watery eyes, itchy running nose. I look and feel a mess. The stomach bug part seems to have passed, thankfully. I am sure I will have the cough for awhile...it usually lingers.

Soooo, my dad continues to complain about my cats. We only had the one when we moved in. She had the two kittens and well, we fell in love with them. He even likes the one if he would admit it. Actually, he kinda has. But,anyway, he has felt extra grumpy lately and needs something to bitch about, so the cats were it. Jeremy is sick of hearing the bitching, so he wanted me to take the cats to the humane society today. I stalled on it because, frankly, I don't want to get rid of them. I almost feel like taking my cats and sleeping out in my car to shut him up. So, that has had me very upset and crying the last two days.

Well, dinner will be ready soon so I am off here.....

What can I say?

I am miserably sick. I decided I am not going to my classes today because for the past few nights I have been up pretty much all night, coughing, diarrhea, upset stomach. And before it was me who was sick, the kids have been taking turns with it. In fact, I had to pick Makenneh up from school this morning because she is sick again. Blah. I can't wait for this to be over.

Moving water

Everyone loves the sound of water. Ok, unless you have to pee really really bad. Then you probably don't like the sound of water. Well, in the midst of a frigid winter (with a few exceptions of warm weather tossed in the mix), I found the sound of moving water in a strange place. I was taking the last bag of trash to the road and there it was. Whoosh, whoosh. As the water moved along in the ditch. How um...nice? I couldn't help but feel a bit of lightheartedness as I listened to that sound. Better still, I should have closed my eyes for a moment and let my wander to a bright, warm, sunny beach or something. But, I didn't. I still enjoyed the peaceful sound of the water for a moment. Funny the places you can find peace and tranquility. If even for a moment.

I take Seb to the doctor in the morning for his bump on his foot. It's right in the arch of his foot. I have no idea what it is and I am hoping it is something simple. I must be honest and admit a bit of reserved fear. My heart always breaks when I read stories of families going through tragic illnesses with their children. It is one my fears as a mother. I am sure it is every Mother's fear. So, please say a prayer, think positive thoughts, whatever it is you do. There is a very small "cut" where the bump is, which kinda leads me to believe that perhaps it is a sliver gone bad. But, there is no redness around the "cut" either, which it seems there would be if it were from a sliver or some other similar thing. I guess we will find out in the morning.

Makenneh had her Valentine's party today in her class. They did an ice cream social. She had a good time. Grandma went because I couldn't. I had class. I felt so horrible. When she asked who was going and I had to explain to her that I couldn't because of school, she started to cry and say, 'But who will go?" I knew then that someone had to go even if it meant me missing class. Unfortunately, I had a test today in the class I would have had to miss. Thankfully, my mom was able to go and truth be told, I think it did her a world of good to get up and out of the house. She hasn't really gotten out in a few days and I notice when that happens she starts to get "sick". I think it is more of a depression mode than anything. It is not good to stay holed up in the house for any length of time. Sometimes it is unavoidable but when you can help it, it is always best to get out sometimes.

I applied for more student loan money. I did it in the hopes of having enough to move. I am kinda hoping that one house is still available when/if I get that money. Bc if we had that kind of money to put down, credit wouldn't be such a big issue. The smaller the down payment, the more need for a great credit score/history. Jeremy's mom reminded him the other day that she can get us in the apartments she lives in/works for, but we really don't want to go that route if we can help it. And the truth is, if we were to move in there, it would be forever before we would have the money to get out. So, it's best to ride it out here until something more feasible comes along.

Well, I am going to get off here. I am hoping that my parents do take Makenneh up north tomorrow to give great gma her valentine's gift. She just had to have a card and a box of chocolates for g-gma and she insisted that she had to take them up to her, not mail them. We all thought it was very cute. So, my parents talked about doing just that tomorrow and possibly staying overnight. Makenneh would love it.

Ok, now i am really getting off here!

At the Senior Center

I am sitting at the Senior Center, mildly stressed out. I gave Ruben, my boss, the placement agreement form back when i came in for the first day..like on the 2nd of feb. He has had it since. It was due in the teacher's mailbox at his office by noon. Ruben tried faxing it and it was the wrong number, so i had to look it up. Now, he is in a meeting with a client, so I am stuck here, waiting, stressing. I don't want my grade effected by something soooo not my fault. I emailed the teacher to explain what happened in hope he won't dock any points.

Anyway, I also can't do much of anything else until he is done in that meeting because the applications I would need for the medicare program are in there, my bookbag is in there....and I have already finished up my work that I was doing. My pop is in there too.....waaaaahhh wahh. LOL> I need to give that stuff up anyway.

Well, I feel guilty posting from here, so I am gonna go. Although there isn't much else I can do right now. take care.

Oh yeah...it was very warm yesterday...60*. Today is supposed to be 57*. Then, snow. Today we may get severe thunderstorms. Crazy weather.

I just got real busy

Now that my internship is in full swing, I find little time for the computer. I go to school all day tues and thurs and then spend monday, wed and fri doing my internship. In btwn times and on weekends I get to do homework and study. I'm getting more excited about my career because I am getting closer to the end of the first leg of the journey. I am also able to apply some of what I have learned while working at the senior center. It's coming together nicely.

I have all but given up on finding a place any time real soon. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards and I can't stress about things I can't change. It helps that I am gone 5 days a week and that gives me some reprieve from the house.

I did our taxes today and was overjoyed to learn we still qualified for the earned income credit. I was thinking we wouldn't get anything back. Thankfully that wasn't so. It wasn't as much as we usually get, but considering our income last year, I am happy with our return.

Sebastian has a lump on his foot....in the arch. There is a little cut or something right there, so I am hoping that it's an absessed splinter or something. There is no redness though, so I don't know. He goes to the doctor on Friday. That's the other thing I learned....making appointments is tricky with my schedule. I have to give up internship hours to do anything that requires daytime hours. But, I also figure that with my spring break, I can work all 5 days, at least 5 hours a day and that cuts my requirement in half.

My sister's baby shower is approaching. March 7th. We have most things we need. Then, this past Sunday, when they announced the shower at the end of services, a lady approached Carrie and my mom and offered them a bunch of paper products and decor items. She said she had bought them for her granddaughter but she didn't want a shower, so we could have the stuff. That will be a huge help considering my dad is laid off and our income is quite limited. Anything helps. It seems that every big event in Carrie's life has been plagued with a layoff. Her senior year, dad was laid off for a very long time. Her wedding time, he was laid off a bit and now her baby. So, I am insistant that she have a very nice shower. If it means we live here a bit longer, so be it. And speaking of her baby...i got to feel her move today. I was so excited. Usually when I go to feel her, she stops moving. Typical isn't it? I caught her tonight though, stinker! They have decided on Liberty for her first name and the middle name will be either Grace or Addison. I really like Liberty Grace. And I will call her Libby for short. =D

Well, it is far past my bedtime, so I am off here. Have a great night and enjoy the warm up if you are around this area! I hear 59* for tomorrow! Too bad I will be stuck inside classes all day!

The Letter M

I know I just finished posting but I had to do this. Stacy posted a top ten list of things she loves with a letter that was given to her by a friend and she gave me a letter. I am posting my top 10 things that start with the letter M. This will be somewhat thought provoking, Im afraid. LOL

1. Easy enough..the very first thing that comes to mind...something I love that starts with the letter M. Makenneh. She can be a very trying child, but she is also a very sweet girl and I am so proud of her. When I look at her, my heart literally skips beats and runs over with love and pride. She is mine. I made her. Ok, with maybe a little teeny help from daddy!

2. My boy. Hahaha, that might be a little cheating. But, I can't make a list of things I love and not include my buddy. Sebastian was not planned and I recall the day I found out i was pg. I sobbed. I was in no way ready for a 2nd child. Funny thing is, I cannot imagine my life without him. He makes my day when he hugs me and pats my back or when he says, "I luv you mom". And his laugh is the greatest...right from the bottom of his little belly.

3. Mom and dad. Another cheat, i guess...lol. My parents raised us with love and stability and sacraficed so much of themselves. I have learned a lot from them...some things they have directly taught me and other things I have learned from watching them or seeing their mistakes.

4. Marriage. Or I should say, my marriage. I have learned a lot...that it's like a garden. It's not enough to plant the seed. If you don't tend it, it will die. You have to keep working at it. And as you put your best into it, it grows, and blossoms and is very rewarding.

5. May. Something about the month just bring happiness to my heart. My maternal grandma was born in May and she was a ray of light. The flowers bloom and spring is here and everything is beautiful. I always wanted a May baby. I have to settle for a May Niece...my sister is due May 1st.

6. Movies. It's a cheap form of entertainment. You can snuggle up with those you love and watch them. No scary ones, though, thank you.

7. Myself. I have come a long ways and still have a ways to go. But, I can honestly say that I love myself.

8. Memories. They keep ones you have lost close at heart and also give you things to smile about when your days are dark.

9. Michigan. Ok, so maybe I don't love it, love it. But it is home. I have lived her my whole life and my roots are here. Doesn't mean I can pull them up and move on, though. LOL.

10. Money. I don't love money in a bad sense. But, I love to have enough money to make ends meet. It is not the most important thing to have in life, but it just makes life a tad bit easier. That's why it is last on my list.

OK, now it really is bed time. if anyone would like a letter to do their own list, let me know. I will give you your very own letter for your very own list!

100th Day

Tomorrow is Makenneh's 100th day of school. They are doing some activities around the 100 theme. Then, next Thursday is their Valentine's Party and Friday is no school. Geesh, it seems school has become a giant holiday. All these days off and celebrations. LOL.

I shall sleep great tonight, or at least, I hope to. We got a new (to us) mattress/boxspring. My aunt's friend was getting rid of it and it is a $2k set. She didn't want to just throw it out because it is in excellent condition. So, we now have it. Jeremy was so excited to be able to throw our old crap out. It was so wretched and pathetic. The woman even sent the sheet sets with it. They are white..and not a hint of use to them. Perfect shape. I can't believe it. Because I just know what is going to happen to them in my bed. Kids, kids, kids. And probably adults too. Truth be told. But for now, it is all crisp and clean and comfy.

I got my 2nd paper back in my Practicum class and I got an A and the teacher even wrote Excellent on it. I was happy because I did struggle with the problem list/treatment plan. I guess I knew what I doing after all.

Oh and about beds....last night Sebastian crawled into bed with us. Not a totally unusual occurance. Well, he was on top of the blankets and I rolled over to reach for his blanket and get comfy. He sounded like he was coughing a bit, but nothing major. I didn't think anything of it until Jeremy says, frantically, "HE'S PUKING". Sure enough. the little guy was throwing up , right in our bed. He started crying and I think it was more because Jeremy startled him. We both told him it was ok and we got up with him. That was around 1:30am. We had to clean him up, change our bedding and all that good stuff. JEremy made himself a pot of coffee and figured he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I brought Seb back into our bed and tried getting him to go back to sleep but every time I would start to doze off, he would say he had to puke. And the lined bucket I brought in and sat next to the bed just wouldn't do, no. He had to go to the bathroom, stick his entire head in the toilet bowl and wait. And wait. And he didn't puke again. We would go back to bed, i would start to doze and the cycle continued a few times. Finally, I asked Jeremy to tend to him so I could get some sleep, knowing I had a test today. The funny this was, right after we got him cleaned up and the bedding changed, my parents both woke up because their bed broke on them. So, at like 2am, the entire household, save Makenneh, was up. I was finally able to go back to sleep at around 3am. By that time, Makenneh had woke up and she ended up climbing in bed with me. Seb stayed out on the couch with my mom. And he did end up throwing up one more time after I fell asleep. When He woke up this morning, he ws fine and has been fine all day. I don't know if that was just the beginning of something or just a quick bug.

And Makenneh isn't exempt from cooties, either. She has a helacious cough. Omy. I've been putting the Vicks on her feet at night, as that does help so much with the coughing.

Well, I am going to get off here and finish my rounds so I can get to bed. I need to do two things tomorrow....work at the computer lab and put some intern hours in. GAh, I can only be one place at one time. I think I am going to go to the senior center and I can hopefully steal a few hours away to work on the computer. Or, I could go to the computer lab for a bit and then go to the senior center. That's probably a better idea as the lab closes at 2 anyway. Center is open til 6. Or at least, the social worker is in til then.

Keep warm and if I don't post again tomorrow..have a great weekend

On my way

I started my internship, officially, today. I actually went in and did 2 whole hours of internship. It was only 2 hours because upon my arrival, I was told that the foot doctor had accidentally been scheduled for Wednesday and was taking up the Social Worker's office, so he couldn't even access his files or anything. He was hanging out "on the floor" with the seniors, drinking coffee. HE let me stay and mingle a bit, study, whatever. So, i did that 2 hours. I will go in again on Friday from like 3-6. The earlier part of Friday will be spent, hopefully, at the computer lab, working on my computer class. It shouldn't be too busy in there and hopefully I can get some help with the parts I am not quite understanding. Fingers crossed.

My sister and I went grocery shopping today. OMG. What a trip. It felt like we spent the entire day, but really it was only about 3 or so hours. And we were exhausted by teh time we got them all loaded into her truck and all we could think about on the way home was how nice it will be to have all the help carrying them in (dad, Jeremy, Ralph). Hah. WE got home and Jeremy still wasn't home from work, Ralph had left and Dad was heading out the door for Church. So, guess who hauled in all the groceries? You got it...me and Carrie, by ourselves, while mom put things away. The plus side was that mom had dinner in the oven so I didn't have to cook.

We still can't find Makenneh's book from school. I am sooo stressed over it. I will write her teacher a note to let her know that we will continue looking for it. I am sure it was part of a series and that I wouldn't be able to just pay a replacement cost. I have no idea how it couldve disappeared. Well, I do. One only need to look at the junk piles near and deep. Grrrrr.

Oh and did i post that Makenneh got her report card and is doing well in school? They don't receive letter grades, but rather a scale..beginning to master grade level, Masters grade level, doesn't meet grade level. She got all "M"s for mastering except like 2. One was counting to 100 and the other I don't recall. I am quite proud of her. This friday is their 100th day of school and they each had to bring in 100 things. She chose elbow noodles. How original, right? But I wasn't going to argue because it was something we had here and saved me from having to hunt something down.

Well, I am going to get off here and finish my rounds. I have my very first test of this semester tomorrow in Practium and it's over record keeping. Wish me luck! That reminds me, I need to get a scantron for the test. Makes mental note to remember. Good luck, I know.

Can I have a moment

Today has been a hectic day. Nothing seems to be going as I had hoped. I had initially planned on going in to intern today. Thankfully Rubin,my boss, is very flexible and told me I can come in whenever I want, when it works for me. Whew. Anyway, my parents had dentist appointments this morning and Jeremy had to work, so I had nobody to watch kids while I went in. Then, my mother in law came over to help my mom with some sewing project for Carrie's baby. And Matt, Sara and Kaden stopped in at the same time, so we had a house full. To top it all off, Makenneh came home with a huge attitude and didn't want to change out of her school clothes. So, it was just hectic here.

On a good note, we found a house that is available on land contract or lease to own. When Jeremy gets home tonight we are going to go over all that I learned on the phone with the guy and then probably make an appointment to go see it. The payments will be around $195-225/month. Of course, we will need insurance and have to pay taxes, im assuming, so we will have to find all that out. But, I hope it works out because it is a cute house, 3 bedrooms, basement, garage. It would be a great opportunity. Please say your prayers, because I sooo need this to work out for us.

I still can't get into my email account, so i have created a new one. i will use the new one until i can get the other one straightened out. if i can't get it taken care of, i will just keep this one.

I am mostly babbling, I suppose, but hey, this is my free therapy, right?

The Intern

Ok, the kids are snuggled in bed...hopefully for the night now. They keep stalling, coming out wanting things and hopefully it's done now. I have felt like a guitar string, tightly tuned, ready to snap with the least bit of pressure. I have been this way mot of the day. Just one of those days, I guess. I even managed to earn myself a tension headache. I have been working on getting rid of it while watching the Super Bowl. I decided to take a break from the game when Arizone threw an interception at the goal line with 10 seconds left in the first half. To make matters worse for those who didn't watch...the interception was ran ALL. THE. WAY. DOWN. FOR. A. TOUCHDOWN. Blah!

I went for my interview on Friday for the internship. I absolutely love it. Rubin, the social worker who interviewed me, was great, as is everyone else at the Senior Center. I start tomorrow, can work whenever I want, with no set expectations and he already told me that if i want to do my 300 hours next semester there, I am more than welcome too. So, I don't even have to worry about that. How great that is! I think I am really going to like it. The center has two guys from Germany who are here for a year on some sort of program they had to qualify for in Germany. They will work at the center for a year before going back to Germany. So, I will get to have some more cultural learning as well. Of course, we had a German Exchange student when I was in high school...Hello, Nikki, if you are out there, reading this! We still keep in touch and she comes over every so often. And, my family comes from very strong German roots, so always interesting. I look forward to interacting with them, as well.

I still can't get into my email account and I am losing my patience with it. I sent them an email, usuing Jeremy's account and hope to have the matter resolved rather quickly. I wouldn't mind as much, but i seriously would lose some homework, pictures, all the contact info....grrrr. So, if I end up having to set up a new account, and you want me to have your email, you may have to send it to me again. I will keep you posted on that.

Hmmm, just typing this has released some of the tension of my headache....of course, I just heard the bedroom door creek open....grrrr. They need to just go to bed. Makenneh is such a bear in the mornings. It doesn't matter when she goes to bed. Have had little success in finding a happy medium for that child where sleep is concerned. I think she just takes after her momma and really dislikes mornings. But, I was not usually that grouchy...i just got up and got on with it. Can't avoid it.

Well, I am going ot check the score of the game...but I am certain I won't be pleased.

Go Arizona, anway!

Let me INNNN

I tried logging into my email and it won't let me. I do not know what the problem is. Then, I cannot recall my security question answer, so I am just out of luck. I really don't believe that I chose that as my security question because it seems so not my style. Who knows. Now I am more stressed than ever because I have all this computer class stuff to do and really need my email. Not to mention the pain and agony it will cause with school and such. Grrrr.....I am not happy.

I am too upset and frustrated to post about much of anything righ tnow.>>I shall go sulk and hope that something works out with my damn email soon. I am currently locked out of it for 24 hours because i had too many attempts to get into it today (the security quesiton was ...your favorite pastime. ) I seriously don't have a pastime and if i did, it probably would have changed since I originally created this email account, seems how i did so several years ago. Geesh. THat's why i am almost sure i didn't chose that question.

sigh

On my way

Well, I have an interview on Friday for my internship. I am mostly excited about it. Its at a senior center. I will get to walk around and check out the facility and learn what all they do during my interview. As of right now, I know little about it. I feel better just knowing that I am on the right track. I was beginning to feel bogged down with all of it.

I had one assignment due today that wasn't too bad. It was a case note based on a video we saw in class. I think i did well. I have a few assignments due tomorrow for my intern class...a resume, cover letter and writing assignment about what we want to do career-wise and why, basically. Pretty simple assignments. I still have done almost nothing with my computer class, so that has me a bit stressed. But my plan is to go in tomorrow before or after my intern class and do some work. That way I can feel better about it all. That reminded me to log into the site so that I can be counted as present for attendance. If we don't log in, we are marked absent.

Anyway, nothing too exciting to talk about tonight. My life is quite dull. But, it's ticking along and what more can we ask for?

With that, i am off for now, finish rounds on here and do some homework...take care and keep warm

Where is Spring?

I am over winter. Ready for it to be gone. Anyone else?

I had a relaxing weekend. We went to my aunt and uncle's on Friday, with the plan to stay a night to give everyone here a break....us from them, them from us. Well, my cousins were going to their grandma's and asked if the kids could go, too. So, my kids ended up staying with them for the weekend. They love it over there because she spoils them and they have a great time. So, we had an expected break this weekend. We ended up staying at my aunt and uncle's all weekend. I have to admit that on the way home, the anxiety began to creep up again. I hate that. But, all was pretty much well for today.

For some darn reason, my fingers don't want to work right tonight. I have to keep deleting typos. Probably bc my fingers are too cold.

We may be able to get our own place soon. There was a 3 bdrm, 2 bath mobile home for sale for very cheap. It does need a little bit of work, but it's pretty nice and the lot rent would be reasonable. Can't get a 3 bdrm anythng for that price. I won't get too excited yet, because the timing is really off by a couple weeks. I have to play the wait and see game. My uncle just got some more jobs (one is quite large) and so they have work lined up for a bit. My uncle also went down and applied for his business license and opened a business account at the bank. He spoke with the guy he contracts for and there is a possibility that in the near future, several of the other contractors will be retiring and my uncle was asked if he would want to take over those accounts as well. So, that would be pretty steady work. I am hoping and praying that things work out at least until some jobs open up around here. So many places are closing down, laying off or just plain cutting back hours that jobs are quite scarce. So, I am grateful for this opportunity and hope it works out.

Well, I am off to finish my rounds and head to bed...keep warm and have a great night

Doh!

As I smack myself on the forehead. Our internet went down on Saturday. I called the ISP and there was an automated message while waiting for a representative. The message said that the DSL was down in the following states and listed MI. I hung up after hearing that because that would explain why we had no internet. Sunday came and went, so did Monday...still no internet. Would you believe that Tues came and went also with no internet? Well it did. Finally,t his morning, we called and come to find out, the reason we were without internet so long was because I had told Jeremy to close out the LAN connection and apparently that was the wrong one...so that is what stopped it from working. We could have had a connection all this time. Anyway, I survived. I am back and trying to catch up.

Nothing overly exciting took place over the past few days. Such is my life. But, one monumental thing occured last Sunday and I forgot to post about it. Makenneh has been going to church with my parents every Sunday and almost every Wednesday. She has been doing this for several months or more now. Well, she attends Junior church there and I guess the lady who runs the Junior Church talked to Makenneh about Jesus and how He died on the cross to save us from our sins and that by accepting Jesus as our Savior, we are saved. She explained all this to Makenneh and asked her questions to see if she really understood that and the meaning of sin. Makenneh said she did. She then asked if Makenneh wanted to be saved and she said yes. So, Makenneh accepted Christ. I will be honest here...I am elated and a bit reserved at the same time. The reason I am reserved is because, in my mind, I am not 100% sure that she fully understands the whole concept of God/Jesus/Salvation. I think she gets some of it, but not sure, at her age and maturity, that she is ready to fully grasp it. My dad had mentioned that the next step is baptism, which is what we believe, in our faith. HOwever, I think I am going to hold off a little bit on that step, simply because when she does this, I want it to be because she knows Jesus in her heart, understands the meaning of Him dying on the cross and the road to salvation. I don'twant her to just go through motions because it seems like the next logical step for church. I want it to be her idea, her understanding. But, either way, I think it is great that she is learning about God and that she enjoys going to church. She does not like to miss a Sunday. This past weekend she stayed at her Gma Chris's and would only stay if she could still go to church, so my parents picked her up for church and dropped her back off afterward. Evenutally, I need to get myself there. But, I guess I have been a bit jaded, if you will, regarding the whole church thing. I was saved many many moons ago. Jesus lives in my heart. He is my Savior. I know that it is only through Him that I take each breath, wake each morning, and will eventually get to be reunited with my family members who have gone on before me. But, my realtionship with God doesn't seem to fit into the mold of most church politics. I could go on in length about this but suffice it to say that I find it difficult to sit through sermon after sermon amongst people who claim to be Christians and speak of the love of the Lord, yet are the very first ones to cast stones, point fingers, pass judgments and otherwise condemn. My understanding of God, my relationship with God doesn't require me to do that. In fact, my understanding of Him says that that type of behavior is the exact opposite of what He would want us to do. I am not here to condemn others to Hell, I am not here to judge others and their relationships with God. It just seems that churches, when organized together, preach, if only underlying messages, to do just those things. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that right now.

Next week I will have my first assignments due. We shall see how that goes. I feel like I am totally slacking. I haven't really read anything, done anything..just showed up for class, took notes, paid attention. I guess I go through this at the beginning of every semester, as I get a feel for the instructor and the class content.

Oh, I made the Dean's List again! I really don't feel that it's that great of an honor. I mean, it is, but seriously, if you show up and do half of what you're supposed to, you should be able to pull off a decent grade. And your cummulative grade only needs to be a 2.0, with a 3.5 for that particular semester in order to make the list. So, yes, it is an accomplishment, but print me a letter telling me about an honor for 4.0, with a cumulatiave gpa of 3.0 or higher or even 3.5 and higher. Then I will be more excited. LOL.

Probably not after this semester, because then I wouldn't make any such list. ;)

Shouldn't an instructor who is teaching stress managemnt courses be required to have great time management skills? She is going to teach us about personal management/time mgmt tomorrow and she is 10 plus mins late every class! Then, she has us spend 30 mins doing Yoga and 20 or 30 mins talking about things not pertaining to teh class...doesn't leave much time for instruction does it? Thankfully it's only an 8 wk course, so it will be over soon! It stresses me out! LOL

What was I thinking?

I set my schedule so that I have 3 classes back to back on Tues and Thurs. I thought it would be better all the way around. Less trips to the campus, being the main attraction. Less parking hassles too. Well, yesterday I started and on my way home, I thought, I don't know about this schedule. I realized that if i get homework in a couple of my classes on tues that is due thurs, it could make for a rough wednesday full of homework. But, I don't think I will have to worry about it too much. My first class is Practicum and in there we are going to learn the agency standards for record keeping and interview skills. It's a more hands on kind of class. My second class is Community Development and we learn about organizing and grants and all that sort of thing. Then the last class is Stress Management. I was unhappy to learn that we hve to bring an exercize mat to class for relaxation exercizes. The exercizes don't bother me..it's the whole having to cart a mat aroun d to my other two classes. I have no time to run back to my car before that class. Jeremy suggested I drop the mat off in the classroom before heading to my first class of the day. THat may work, but the classrooms are used by different teachers all day. And often they are locked. But, we can try it.That class sounds like it will be easy....no tests and minimal homework.

Today I go for my agency experience class. That's at 2. then tonight i have to attend an orientation for my computer class.

I am freezing. It is soooo cold right now. Last night it got down to -19* at the local airport. Too cold for my comfort, I tell ya.

Well, i just can't even think of anything more to say. I can only think about how cold my fingers and toes are. LOL. Have a great day and keep warm!

New Semester

Tomorrow is the first day of my next semester. I am excited and nervous all in one. Two reasons for the nervousness. 1-I am taking my very first Open entry/Open Exit (aka oe2). That means there are no set class times, I can work at my own pace, when it fits my schedule. It's a computer class..entry level, basic stuff, really. It does require that I attend an orientation and I had to choose from a list of available dates/times. I will probably go on Wednesday. The Oe2 lab is in a building that I have never entered before, so that has me a tad nervous too...but not too much. 2-I start my internship this semester. My class for that is on Wednesday and I will be assigned a place to intern. I am excited, but it is also a new experience and I will be putting to use the things I have learned thus far. I hope I get a good placement and enjoy the job.

We had bunco tonight and nothing exciting there. I didn't win anything. That's usually the case. WE have had a problem the past several months with girls nad their cell phones. TEll me why it is that people cannot enjoy the company of those in their physical presence and must instead use the phone to talk/text all the time?! THis game is kinda time sensitive. You have to move at a fast pace, it can cost you the game if you don't. HOwever, we have a few people who want to try to play teh game and chat with their fanclub. I do not think that anyone is so important in the world that they must have a phone glued to their ear or fingertips at all times. It is 4 hours, once a month. We asked tonight that they keep the phones on vibrate or off and in their pocket. Of course, nobody really listened. Ugh. To anyone out there who may be reading this: IF you are one of those cell phone junkies, please realize how utterly rude you are when you do this. Put the damn phone down and show some respect for those in your presence. The calls can wait. YOu will eventually find yourself all alone with only your phone....for nobody is going to want to hang out with you, visit you or be in your presence because being ignored for the phone is not a fun time.

ANyway, that's all Ihave to say tonight..I need to get ready for bed. Good Night

Down I go

I was going out to my car yesterday to get Makenneh's snow pants and when I reached the end of the brick walk way..i felt. Right on my knees. It hurt then and it hurts more now. My one knee is bruised and my ankle hurts a bit (not like a break or sprain, but it hurts). And then of course, all those muscles along the ribs and in the stomach..yeah, i feel them too.

Today was the meat sale at a local grocery store. They have one every month. I don't usually go, but this month, they had a few things I wanted. My sister wanted me to pick her up some burger while I was there, too. OMG! This is a small, old grocery store. Locally owned. It gets sooo crowded during these sales, it's ridiculous. Today, so many people were just standing around waiting as the meat came out. The butcher/meat dept couldn't keep the meat coming out fast enough. As the girl would bring a rack out, people were grabbing the meat right off the cart. It was crazy. I was able to get the things I had gone for though.

I broke the news to my mom today that Jeremy and I plan on moving out asap. It's not the best financial decision and I know we will struggle like crazy, but the truth is, I cannot keep staying here and keep my sanity too. When I get my student loan and reimbursement from financial aid, we plan to use that money to pay up a few months worth of rent. We have to hope that Jeremy can stay busy enough with my uncle, doing the maintenance for the apartment complexes/homes that the landlord owns. The bit of extra money from that will help, until he can get a break and get a job. He puts in resumes/applications almost daily. The job listing section for our area has about 9 jobs and most of those are either those work at home scams or vaccuum sales type jobs. It is horrible. We just have to hold on to faith that he will get his break sooner rather than later. Ralph is going to talk to his cousin who won the representative seat in his district, to see if he can do anything to help Jeremy. The biggest draw back that makes things difficult for Jeremy to get a job is his lack of a license (long story but dates back to when he was 15 yrs old) and his record (again, long story but dates back to when he was 17). Both things were a lifetime ago and yet, he (and now we) still pay a price for stupid mistakes. And before anyone's mind runs wild....there were *NONviolent crimes involved, in fact, no victims period. (*Thank you Julie for pointing that typo out) It was joy riding in his parents' vehicle that lost his license and destruction of property that landed him in the big house. A lifetime ago. But with those two things..it is very hard to find jobs. Even manufacturing jobs want you to have a license. Not to mention, he was pulled over on 4th of July this year and almost taken to jail, my car impounded. He hasn't driven since, because it isn't worth the risk. But it makes it very difficult to get things done. Not to mention he feels like a caged rat...not able to ever just leave on his own, by himself. That added to him not working and he just feels like a big pile of shit. I reassure him that it is ok. It has to be. I realize the road blocks and I fully understand them. It isn't as if he wants to sit around on his ass all day, every day. It makes him crazy. I really hope that Ralph's cousin is able to do something to help out. It would be the greatest gift we have ever received. Just having a license, alone, would make our lives so much easier and productive. And make him more employable and happier and less stressed. In the meantime, I will continue with my education and hopefully we can make it until I have a degree and can get a real job with a real income that will allow us a sliver of the pie that is called the American Dream.

Well, I am off to do something, even if it's wrong....lol.

Oh, I forgot to mention..I had a lightbulb moment. I thought about referring Desiree (my cousin who lost her mom and whose dad just gave her up because he didn't want her anymore) to Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I did it online and within 30 mins tops, a representative called me. The case manager was supposed to call my aunt today (the one who has guardianship of Des) to set up a meeting to get it started. She said that they usually take children from single family homes, but given her curcumstances, she would qualify. The lady said she couldn't believe what the poor girl has gone through and that it was real. She is going to work hard to find a match for Des..she said she wants to find an older woman, who will be constant and committed because she realized Des doesn't need anymore people leaving her. I was so grateful, i had tears in my eyes. I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner!

Bleach

ady for an early night tonight! Hopefully the kids will be too!I hate the stuff. Bleach and I do not get along, period. Every. single. time. I. use. bleach. I have a mishap. Every time. Usually it's that I think, "Oh will just spray this here spot on the counter and wipe, should be no problem." It shouldn't be, right? WRONG! I will, inevitably get the bleach on my clothes. Especially true if the clothing is either A)new or B.)a favorite article of clothing. And I won't wear things with stains, even the smallest stain...outside the house. So, they are next to useless. Well, Makenneh had gotten a stain on her new shirt she got for Christmas. I grabbed the spray bottle to spray the stain (we don't do Shout or any of those stain removers....mom discovered long ago that all purpose cleaner works just as well, if not better...she can get a stain out of anything). Anway, you can probably see where this may be going. The bottle was pretty much empty. it was some kind of Oxy cleaner (knock-off brand, because really, it works just as well). Well, unbeknownst to me, my mom had used the bottle last, and figuring it was good as gone, didn't pay attention when she put they sprayer back on, figuring it would just go in the trash. Before it could make it to the trash, I come along and think, oh i can use this on her shirt. Spray. spray, spray...oooooh shit! what is that bleach smell. I grab the bottle, read the contents again...no bleach in this cleaner, so wth!? And in the few seconds all this is going thru my head the spot I had sprayed was turning brown. MOOOOMMMMM!!!!! Did you put bleach in this spray bottle?!!!!!?!??!!? That's when she told me what she had done with the spray nozzle. I wanted to cry. I was mad. mad at me, mad at her, mad at the world. I do not have money to be ruining clothes like that. The kid wore it to school one day and it had to go in the trash. It was a spot right in the front, center. No way to even hide it. I. Hate. Bleach.

On a good note, I went through my new school books, got them organized and ready to go, got my notebooks out and now I just need to get some folders. They are around here somewhere, just have to find them.

i tried taking back my one last book from last semester, to sell back and after driving all the way out there, was told that those two books are overstocked. So, i couldn't sell them back. I plan to list them on myspace, under the college section. I hope to be able to sell it that way, because frankly, we could very much so use the money. I can sell it for less than the school store, and probably more than what they would have given me for a buy-back...so a good deal for buyer and seller. But, i will really take whatever I can get for it. It serves me no purpose hanging around here, in the way. We don't have room for storing things that aren't needed at the moment.

And now, just like that, im off to finish my rounds here. I think I am ready for an early night..hopefully the kids are too..

Happy New Year

I am stealing a moment to type here! Stacy and I were able to get together today and we had a great time. Makenneh and I met with Stacy and her family and they treated us to games and rides at Huckleberry Junction (same place I had Kenneh's 5th bday party). I would have taken Sebastian, but when I asked if he wanted to go bye-bye with momma, he simply stated, "No thank-you, I stay with daddy." So, i left it at that, so that I didnt have to deal with any crabbiness from the crabby factory. LOL. Neither of us remembered our cameras, but I did get a couple on my phone, though they aren't the best quality.


Makenneh loved the kids and had a great time. She buddied up with Adrianna and of course, she loved riding rides with the twins. She did so well with them. And best of all, she was on her best behavior. I praised her to no end on the way home and again throughout the evening. I am very proud of her.

We chose to spend our New Year's Eve home, peacefully. We made pizza and are watching movies. Makenneh is already ready for bed. Of course, she had a few hours of good fun today, so it's not surprising. I am torn between keeping them up and letting them watch the ball drop or having them go to bed. I know that if they stay up that late, they are probably going to become monsters both tonight and tomorrow. So, I think I am just going to let the chips fall how they fall. But, I did notice that the Jonas' Brothers are co-hosting the show tonight and Makenneh has taken a liking to them. I know she would enjoy the show. But, I just don't think she will make it. We'll see.

For 2009, I hope things improve. I know as a whole, the economy isn't expected to pick up until later this year, but I hope that things will just improve for us, enough so that we can manage to get our own place and be comfortable. We are hoping to be able to get a place in February, when I get my student loans and financial aid reimbursements. I am a bit nervous about it, but we should have enough to pay up a few months rent and go from there. All I can do is pray that what is meant to be happens.

Well, Jeremy is out of the shower and ready to watch a movie, so I am going to get off here.

I wish everyone all the best in 2009!!!! Have a safe and happy night!

pictures

Here's a pic of the grandkids. My two and my nephew, Kaden.
Here's a family picture from our Christmas party on my mom's side. We were beyond ready to go..kids tired, us frustrated. But, the pic turned out okay.

This picture is a hoot. it was taken on Christmas Eve. Makenneh was in using the potty and this is what we saw...she had taken in the kitty and had her on her lap while using the potty. I had to take a pic because everyone should know this is going up on her picture board at her graduation picture. LOL.

A Merry Christmas

Our Christmas was quite nice. I am now ready to get the tree packed up though. I am ready for things to go back where they belong.

We took the kids to see Santa on Christmas Eve. I think we have found a new tradition. I thought for sure it would be very busy and crazy, but it wasn't. It was actually slow and peaceful. We went to Bronners.....THE CHRISTmas store of all Christmas stores. It was sooo worth it because Santa was wonderful and that place has to be the closest thing to the North Pole as you can get. I am currently trying to upload pics from seeing Santa but I'll be darned if it still isn't sooo slow. I just don't have patience for this. It seems that with a new computer and dsl, it shouldn't be this slow. Hmmph! I am just trying one at a time and it is still forever long.

Sebastian wants to eat; we have gotten off any sort of schedule for eating so I need to go forage for something for them to eat. It hink we are doing Tacos for dinner. Ill be back ina few to see if the picture actually loaded.

I am back much later..it is now almost 1am..the picture did finally load, now I am attempting picture number 2.

The temp reached around 58* today. Rainy, too. most of the snow has melted. Except where it was mounded high from all the plowing. Felt so much like spring. If only it were. I am ready for warmer weather.

I have no idea why the pictures are always small when I put them on here. I never used to have that problem, way back in the beginning. If anyone knows how I can fix that, let me know. Of course, if it is too much hassle, I may just well leave them as they are. I don't do hassles too well. LOL.

Anyway, I am leaving the pics at the top, because dragging them down to the bottom is a pain in the rear. I did try to make the pics larger in this window, that just seems to blur them. Ya get the idea though!

I am off here to get to bed. I didn't plan on being up so late. Night all!

PS..i finally checked my grades..another semester of all 4.0s and best of all, I have raised my cummulative gpa to 3.713! I am soooo excited!

Blessings

Some may wonder why I give even when I have little give. I don't question it. I know that even though I am down and out, if i give that last dollar bill to the Salvation Army bucket or weed through the stuff I have to help someone in need, that my needs will always be met. Maybe not right away, but I have never had to truly go without things I have needed. Recently, we found ourselves down to our last 30.00. Jeremy has been putting resumes/applications in almost every day, to no avail. I don't stress...I figure when it is time, it will work out and stressing about doesn't change anything. It won't make the process any better/faster. Well, not last night, but the night before, my dad's niece (who is actually same age as my dad and lives next door to us) called because her car had broken down. She wanted to know if Jeremy would fix her car and she would pay him. We agreed. Well, then that next morning (which was yesterday morning), my uncle, whom we have rather distanced ourselves from to save some drama, called to ask if Jeremy wanted to work with him because he has some big jobs going on and he needed the extra help. So, Jeremy has been working with him. It couldn't have come at a better time. Of course, the fixing the car thing isn't working out too well. She needed a belt replaced, which in a typical car would be about a 5 min fix. However, it turns out that in this particular car, it involves removing the wheel, the well, and a few other major things in order to fix. It turned out to be a couple hour ordeal. He got the belt replaced and car still won't turn over. His suggestion is check fuel filter/pump or for spark. However, to reach the other 3 plugs in this vehicle, you must remove a whole lotta things to get to it. It will be a huge ordeal. He is working on the approach to the garage, out in the car. There is no hoist or anything that fancy here..it's jacks and jack stands. He did what she asked...replaced the belt. The rest will probably have to be done elsewhere, in a garage with a hoist.

And speaking of cars, I have to take mine up to the tire shop today to have a different tire put on my rim. The tire on there is very bad. We don't have money to get new ones right now (has to wait until Feb), but we were able to use one from my old car. I hate having to take it up there myself, but it has to be done. I cannot drive the car until this gets taken care of. I will be heading out soon to get that done.

Mom is out doing her Christmas shopping again today. It is nice to just have me and Sebastian here.

Thoughts are all over the place. I can't wait for Christmas. I know the kids will be happy with the gifts they are getting and I can't wait to see their faces. For the first time since Makenneh's very first Christmas, she isn't getting a baby doll from Santa. She has so many already (figure, one every year from Christmas, plus any babies she has gotten from others for bdays, Christmas, etc and it adds up quickly...we have enough around here for n0w). When I went to storage, I realized that two large boxes right away were toys. I do so figure that we should just get rid of them, because the kids have since forgotten they exist and it is obvious they don't need them. I may go through them to make sure nothing sentimental is in there and then just donate them. I need to do it now, as many people could use toys this time of year. And some of those toys are probably barely used. It would be great if the weather would warm up a tad so I don't have to experience frost bite to get them out of storage though. The other day, while there to get the tree, my fingers were cold despite having my nice warm gloves on. IT is bitter cold.

Ok it's time to get off here and get going. I would like to get the tire taken care of before Makenneh gets home, so I only have to take one child, versus two. Have a great day!

Finally a Christmas Tree

I finally put the tree up today. It was a matter of deciding to go with my artificial one or getting a live one, as my parents usually do. Then it was a matter of me going to storage to dig out my tree. I had forgotten that the only tree I have now is a small 4.5 ft tree..until I got it out of the box and put up. No big deal really....it works out better anyway. The kids weren't that interested in decorating it. They put a few on, but mostly, left it up to me. It is done and the lights are shining. We just wrapped my nephew Kaden's present and put that under the tree. We will see how long that lasts before I have to hide it until closer to Christmas.

I seem to have petered out on my crafting. I still need to make candles and have been putting it off. I have to get it done very soon, as I am running out of time. I have class tomorrow and Wednesday nights and Makenneh's class party on Thurs morning. Other than that, I think I am free. This Sunday we are going to my brothers to make cookies. Christmas Eve we are going to my father-in-law's and my brother and his family are coming here to mom and dad's. I was hoping to be able to be here for most of the time that my brother was here, but my father in law called yesterday and we decided on 4pm because he has to work that morning. OH well, it is what it is. Christmas day we are staying here and my mother in law and brother in law are coming here for dinner. Otherwise, they would be by themselves. That works out because that means on Christmas day, we don't have to go anywhere. I am not going to know what to do. I might feel slighted though. It will be the first Christmas that I don't go "somewhere". Growing up, we always went to my grandparents on Christmas day for a huge family dinner. It was the highlight of the holidays. Gathering a couple of your favorite presents and hauling them to grandparents house where we could play with all of our cousins. That's why I never get these parents complaining about not wanting to have to take kids to a family member's house on Christmas...and that Christmas is all about the kids, so they should be home, to play with their toys, etc. My favorite memories involve getting up Christmas morning, opening all our presents and then deciding which two or three to take to grandma and grandpa's house. We didn't return home til late Christmas evening and I don't regret that. The best memories were made while at grandma and grandpa's house. IMO, i can't understand why parents would want to rob their kids of spending chaotic holidays with extended family. THAT, to me, is what Christmas is all about. Of course, there are often logistic problems that prevent all families from getting together every year...but the people I hear not wanting to get together are ones who live near family. THat's one more reason I am so excited that my sister is having a baby. Our kids will get to enjoy that same fun Christmas tradition that we did. My brother's son won't be included in most of the family holiday fun because they are at her mom's. It is kinda sad that he will be left out, sort of, but that how the cookie crumbles. Really, mostly by my brother's choice, though. His fiancee's mom lives about 5 miles from our parents' house, so really, they could make it work, if they really wanted to. They could spend one half of the day there, and half here or something. But, they didn't choose that option. Instead, they will spend Christmas Eve's here, but of course, my sister and I are unable to be here on Christmas Eve, because we have other obligations. My mom isn't handling that news too well, but there isn't anything anyone can do about it, so you just have to accept it and move on. The girl's family usually gets the majority of the time. In my case, it is certainly true, but mostly because of the dynamics of his family. He isn't too close with his mom and his dad usually does stuff with his gf's family on holidays. So, for me, I have never had to really make a choice. I usually just include mother in law in my family's celebration, because she is single, with no small children at home. She would otherwise spend holidays alone.

Wow, what a ramble about all that.

The snow was gone when I got up this morning. There are little patches of it here and there, but for the most part, it looks like spring out there. Doesn't feel like it though. The wind is whipping like crazy. Stacy had said in comment to my last post that she hopes the snow sticks around for her kids to have fun in when they get up here. It is gone for now, but it most likely will snow again, before they get here and probably even while they are here.

Well, I am sure the little monsters are getting into trouble, so I am gonna get off here and tend to them.

Weeeeee!

We took the kids sledding yesterday. I had to go to my college to sell back a book and right nearby is the park where Jeremy always went sledding as a kid. So, it was his idea to take the kids sledding. They had a blast. I stuck around for a bit and watched, then headed to the college to take care of my business. I returned to find two happy little kids with rosy cheeks. They had had so much fun. Makenneh started to get a little bit whiny, but she also isn't feeling well. I was thinking hot cocoa after a cold afternoon out, but the kids wanted ice cream! Yes, crazy I agree. So, that's what we had when we got home. I didn't take pictures, because I forgot to take a camera.

I am looking forward to the weekend warm up. The temps have been so ungodly cold. The past several days have had highs in the teens. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 40. I can handle that.

Tonight is another family Christmas party..my mom's side. We aren't doing a gift exchange, just getting together for food, family and fun. Everyone is supposed to bring a favorite game and we are going to play games for the evening.

I got my books for next semester yesterday while at the bookstore. I am so excited. It's always exciting to get the new books for my next semester. I really wanted to buy a new book bag, but I just can't bring myself to spend the money, especially when the one I have works. It's just old. Like 18 yrs old. You can't really tell...it's just a plain dark blue bag with lots of nice compartments. The only sign of age is some wearing at one of the seams. It's amazing really because if you buy a bag these days it wouldn't last nearly that long. I admit, the only reason I want a new one is because I would like something bright and cheery and maybe even colorful. But, at the bookstore, the bags range from 65.00 up to 100.00. That's crazy. But, that is where the bag I am using now came from and it has proven itself to be worth every dollar spent on it.

I had our field trip Thursday for my substance abuse class. We went to the local residential treatment facility. I was more than amazed with the offerings of this place. They house addicts who are wanting to recover from their addiction. They turn nobody away. They have men, women and women there with their children. It is publicly funded and they don't force anyone out (unless it's behavior related). As long as someone is serious about treatment, they can stay as long as it takes to get well, even though funding runs out after a year for any one resident. While in treatment, the patient's needs are all provided for. They get everything from shampoo and deodorant to any special requests that are reasonable. The women there with children are provided diapers and formula and whatever other baby/child related needs there are. The facility provides transportation to all appointments no matter how far away they are, they provide counseling, have a nurse practitioner on sight, Bible study, and more. I was just so impressed and touched by the wonderful program. While there, we got to hear two ladies tell their stories and it brought tears to my eyes. Then we went on a tour of the facility. THe building is old and surely could use some reonnovations, however, it seems the money is put into the patients, mostly, which is a good thing. THe best part is, this facility has a 98% success rate. That is very good. But the program is very structured and that contributes to a high success rate.

I have two classes left for this semester...tuesday night is my exam in intro to social work and wednesday is basically just a pot luck for child welfare. We also have to submit our commitment plan which is a plan we have to make a difference somewhere. We have to provide the who, what, where, and when of our plan. It could be volunteering, organizing, helping a mom with respite care, anything that helps out someone in need.

Well, i have babbled enough for one session..lol. I am gonna go finish my rounds on here and then work on some Christmas crafts.

Have a fun weekend and stay warm!

Semester wind down

Only one week left of classes. I am really ready for a break. Although, this semester seemed to fly by rather quickly. I have class tomorrow night, a "field trip" on thursday, then I should only have class on Tues and be down. However, i have a feeling, my wed night teacher is going to stretch class out until next week. So, i may have to go next wed night as well. Fingers crossed that I don't.

I wrapped up all the gifts today and sorted the stocking stuffers. Christmas is done for this family. it feels good to have it all done so darn early. I do still have to finish up some of the crafty gift baskets, though. but, the kids' christmas is down and ready for the tree, which needs to be put up yet. I am going tomorrow to wrestle my tree out of storage. It will be a chore, but it has to be done. I should take Jeremy with me, but it is just easier to stop there on my way home from school, as I pass right by it. I also didn't find Sebastian's stocking in the tote I grabbed. The rest of ours is in there, but not his. I am hoping beyond all hope that it is just in another one of the boxes, that i didn't grab. It was one of the last projects my aunt Dawn was working on when she passed away. It wasn't finished, so my mom stitched it together. It still needs the name sewn on it and the decorative things put on each side. It holds a lot of sentimental value because I was just about 5 months pg when she died and I was so upset because I had thought that SEbastian would be the only one in the family to not have a stocking (I had mine she had made me when i was a kid, she made Makenneh's and Jeremy's mom had made him one when he was little that ironically is very similar in style to mine). Then, as my one aunt was going through Aunt Dawn's craft stuff, they found it and I knew it was meant for Sebastian because we had discussed the colors I wanted her to use and it was that color. So anyway, I figure it has to be in one of hte other boxes.

My daredevil son did a stunt tonight that left him with a bloody, split lip. He climbed up on the roll-top desk and jumped onto our bed, which catapulted him into the totes stacked at the head of our bed, and it busted his lip open. I don't know if I will survive mothering this boy of mine. He has absolutely no fear. It is almost scary at times. a small dose of fear is healthy..it's what keeps us safe. So, he is sure to have one heck of a fat lip for awhile. After he did that, I got him a washcloth and cleaned him up and let him hold the washcloth, while I held him...we both fell asleep. He was laying in my arms like a little baby..it was so sweet. Won't be too long before he figures he is too big for that kinda cuddling. He already reminds us all the time that he is "huge". LOL.

OH and a sweet find. The other day when I went to storage and got some things, I found, in the bottom of one of the bags I brought home, some of the clothes Julie had sent up for Sebastian and the best part is, I found them just in time, as he is about in that size now. I have been blessed when it comes to clothes and such for this boy. I haven't had to buy him too many new clothes, because people have passed on clothes their boys have outgrown. And I have found his winter coat at yard sales, every year, in excellent shape and very cheap. Can't beat it. This year's coat, I had bought at a yard sale, for 1.00. It was missing the zipper. not the teeth part, just the part that zips it up. I took that up to my aunt bev on Thanksgiving and she repaired it and brought it back for our family christmas party this past saturday. What a bargain!!! And then Julie has sent up some very nice clothes. I have to say that everyone is amazed at how nice the things are that you send up here. Nobody can believe that the boots Makenneh is wearing are from your daughters and thay are all grown up. They are in great condition and don't even look dated. It's amazing. And certainly appreciated.

I am on a roll of sorts tonight. Guess Im trying to type through this massive headache that keeps bothering me. Anyway, my mother in law called me last week because they had a girl come in to rent an apartment from a shelter. I guess she was a victim of domestic violence and the police removed her from the home and sent her to a shelter. She was removed from her "home" with nothing but the clothes on her back and her 6 month old son. They have absolutely nothing. The mom works at Walmart and they paid to get her moved into the apartment and paid the first couple months of rent for her. They also took up a collection for necessities for her and the baby. I passed word along in my family and my sister in law went through Kaden's clothes and had a whole garbage bag of nice, name brand, barely worn clothes to pass on to her. Along with baby wash, lotion, powder, blankets, hats, shoes, toiletries, and a garbage bag of clothes for mom. My sister brought out things she had to donate as well, including a brand new sheet set, some washclothes and towels, cups, and other household items. my mother in law (either through work or gma's belongings) came up with a couch, table, chairs, end tables, entertainment center and some other odds and ends and they are going through emptied apartments that people have left things behind. So, it is coming together nicely for this lady. Hopefully she is able to make the fresh start she so obviously needs. Oh and someone donated a pack and play so the baby has a place to sleep. It is such a beautiful thing to see people do such kind things for others.

Well, it is time to get to bed. Right after I take some motrin for this headache.

Happy Wednesday to everyone!

Razz my blood pressure

I posted an offer for my brother's dog on freecycle. He needs a loving home. We have tried all this before to no avail (even with rescue agencies) but I thought I would try again. Boy, did i get hate mail from one poster. I am so upset I could scream. She took it upon herself to assume we were cruel and should be charged for animal cruelty for having an outside dog. HEY lady....we DON"T want him to be an outside dog which is why I am posting him on here to find him a good/loving home. The alternative is taking him to the shelter where he will be euthanized. It may very well come to that because people are leary of pit bulls. I can tell him how wonderful and loving he is but most people are afraid of them. I admit I was until my brother got this dog. He is such a wonderful dog (and that says a lot coming from me, because I don't like dogs much). So, anyway, I do hope someone responds to take him because I want for him to have a home and a family. My brother doesn't exacty know that I have posted him, but he isn't the one who has to feed him, keep him watered and feel bad because he is outside when he is very much a family oriented dog. I lose sleep over it and feel so bad about it. So, i figured that seems how my brother will never be able to take him back because of their line of work (they run an adult foster care home which doesn't allow pets at all). He can't live outside indefinitely. Just doesn't work. And with 4 adults, 2 kids, a dog and cat (and her kittens at the moment), there isn't room for another dog in the house. There isn't room for the people without being cramped.

Other than that.....Tonight was our Christmas bunco. It was nice to get out and have some fun. I didn't win anything but did get to bring a gift home because we exchange gifts for our Christmas bunco. I got a candle set and a body spray set. This Saturday we have a Christmas party for my mom's side. We aren't exchanging gifts, just getting together for family fun. We are all going to bring our favorite games and spend the evening playing.

I think I am pretty much done with Christmas shopping. I have to get my mom something yet, but i don't know what. Most people are getting homemade gifts, as I mentioned before. However, my mom and I are doing them ourselves and it seems silly to give her the very things she is making alongside me. So, I am thinking about getting her some slippers (her feet are always cold) and then maybe doing up a basket of relaxing stuff of different sorts. I got my dad a Bible tote to put his Bible in along with all his choir stuff and other booklets and fliers and ink pens and such. I hope he likes it. He certainly needs one. He has a stack of stuff he carries back and forth to church. For my brother and Sara, I am doing up a Mexican themed gift basket with homemade taco seasoning, homemade fiesta dip mix, taco sauce, gonna put some taco shells, tortilla chips, and then some little dishes for the dip and taco toppings. I am also giving Sara a bath salt, body scrub, soap set. My sister and Ralph are getting a movie themed basket with a movie, popcorn, homemade hot cocoa mix, and then the bath stuff for my sister, some work gloves for ralph (bc i got them for 3/$1 on black friday). Jeremy's brother is getting a movie, soup in jar (he loves soup), hot chocolate mix, popcorn. I am so excited about this Christmas. I think making the gifts homemade and doing things like that are so much fun and make it all so much more meaningful.

Well, I am going to finish up on here and get to bed, in case Makenneh has school in the morning. We are supposed to get 4-6 inches or so of snow overnight...it started snowing, turned to rain, and then is supposed to freeze overnight. Sounds like it could make for trecherous roads come school time. Stay warm!

A sort of tribute

I don't even know what you would call this post, but it has been on my mind to put this out there for some time and it is time I do so. Every so often, we meet someone who inspires us, who makes our lives better just by touching it. These sorts of special people are often the unsung heroes of our lives. They don't get nearly the recognition they deserve. So, tonight (or rather, this morning, would you look at the time..it's after 2am), that unsung hero is getting some recognition. She probably doesn't even realize how amazing she really is. These types of people are humble. They are kind by nature, they don't do anything for reward or praise. It's done out of the generosity and kindness of their hearts. It's just simply who they are. She may not even realize how truly amazing I think she is. I have told her from time to time, but not nearly as often as I should. And probably not as adamantly as I should. The problem is, finding the words to express these thoughts without sounding almost creepy. LOL. But, seriously, this person has been a part of my life for quite a long time and we have experienced some of lifes greatest tragedies and joys together. Time and space has distanced us, but irregardless, I know that I could pick up the phone right now and call her and she would lend a listening ear, a helping hand, words of comfort. I know that should I really need something from her, she would do her best to provide it. I know that even if all the rest of the world turned their backs on me, she would be the last one standing on my side. I know that I can stand before her without being judged. I know that I have been blessed to have met her and know her. And I believe that through her (or in her) I can see God. I can see Him shine through in her very being. Her unfailing faith, her devotion, her very existence. Besides my grandma, I haven't met another person so full of faith. When most people would have given up, she goes on, knowing He will see her through. But that's not all. Most of it, I cannot even begin to put into words, because there are no words to describe. She is a light in a world that can often be dark and dreary. She is a gentleness in the midst of a storm. She is strength in a moment of weakness. She is peace in the midst of choas. She is a friend, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister. And she always does her best to fill all those roles.

I seriously cannot say enough good things about her and I hope that she realizes how very special she is.

And in case she hasn't figured out yet who I am talking about, Stacy, it's you!!! My "oldest" friend. Oldest in that, we have been friends since 5th grade. The years have brought us tears and laughter, sadness and joy. We've come together and drifted apart, but I have always known that I have a friend in Stacy. I know that no matter where this crazy life may take me, she will always be but a phone call (or email) away. Her strength amazes me.

Stacy, I hope you know that you are an amazing person and that your very life is a true testament of God's love and blessings. I am thankful that our lives intersected all those years ago and I am glad to call you friend!

Busy day

we have two christmas parties today. One at 430 and one at 5. Going to be busy. We have been busy doing crafts as most of our gifts this year (besides for kids) are going to be handmade. It has been a lot of fun and we think we should start doing these for craft shows, because they are inexpensive and easy to do. Not to mention, fun. We have been making body scrubs, bath salts, soaps, bath oils, soup in a jar, hot chocolate.

It has been super cold around here lately. The temps falling into the teens at night and only rising to the twenties during the day. Add wind to that and it makes for a freezing experience. And i still need to go to our storage unit to get out Christmas wrap stuff and stockings and dig for Jeremy's winter coat. WE still haven't found that. Grrrr. I shiver just thinking about having to do that.

My sister went to her ultrasound appt the other day and It's a Girl!!!!!!! I am so excited. I would be excited either way. The baby is growing well and everything is going good. The only thing is she has been having wretched headaches the entire pregnancy and they get so bad she can't move. They last for days sometimes. Her OB sent her to a neurologist and they wanted to do an MRI. THe only thing is, in order to do an MRI, she would have to sign a waiver on the baby. The neurologist said that he doesn't think it is anything serious but just ordered the MRI to be safe to check for lesions or tumors or any other abnormality. But, after learning that they would have to sign a waiver on the baby's safety, they have declined it. They have been less frequent lately and hopefully with relaxation techniques, tylenol 3 in severe cases and rest, she will be ok. She is going to discuss it all with her OB when she goes back into him and I suggested she even discuss it with her family doctor (who used to do OB care until recently), to get more opinions. So, please say a prayer that everything works out. It is a potentially scary situation bc if there were something wrong with my sister, you don'twant to risk her health but at the same time, you don't want to tests that could be dangerous to the child if they could wait until she gave birth. Let's hope and pray it all works out.

I think that's enough for now...i have lots of things to get done before we hve to get ready for these parties! ENjoy your weekend!

stealing a moment

Things have been crazy around here. We went up to my grandma's for Thanksgiving. That meant a little over two hours to get there and the same to get home. A lot of time in the car that day, but it was a great time. I got up wee early friday morning for the crazy shopping spree. I have to say taht I have NEVER seen such ugliness in my entire life and hope to never see such again. We went to walmart first because they had the best deals for what I wanted. No parking, no carts, no room to breath. IT was rediculous. But that wasn't the bad part. It's a 24 hour store, so ppl are there, plenty before the 5am doorbuster deals start. at 5, the place became a dangerzone. I literally looked up and saw hands, fists and boxes flying in a massive clump. It was the most wretched scene ever. Grown people acting like imbeciles. Blech. I stood back and let all hell break loose. Then, nonchalantly gathered the things I wanted and proceeded to check out. Because of the chaos, I really didn't get all the things I had wanted, but i wasn't willing ot fight the crowds. Saving a few bucks just wasn't THAT important to me. Overall, we had a good time shopping but the stories I have heard about this black friday make me sick...like the one guy who worked at a walmart in new york and was trampled by shoppers. That is disgussting. No excuse anywhere for the that kind of behavior and I hope like all hell that those stupid, ignorant, self-absorbed people who so thoughlessly trampled another human being lose sleep for the rest of their poor, pitiful lives over their reckless, thoughtless, disgusting behavior. Yes, it sickens and saddens me that people would behave that way all in the name of saving a few dollars. Life cannot be reduced to a dollar amount and yet those shoppers took a life for the sake of racing to save a few bucks. Yuck.
End tangent.

We have been dumped on with snow. I hate driving in it and was really hoping my class would be canceled for today but no such luck. The schools were closed for the kids but my college didn't close. I was actually pleased to find the roads in fine condition by the time I left here at quarter to ten this morning. It wasn't a bad drive at all.

Oh to back track....Friday evening Makenneh got sick....throwing up and diarrhea. All day saturday I was wretchedly sick. i slept all day, except to get up and race to the bathroom. Today, Jeremy had it and this evening, my dad started coming down with it. He came home, had dinner, plowed the driveway and was in bed by 630. I hope we are done with the bug after this.

Well, I am gonna stop here for now, because I want to finish making my rounds on here and get to bed. Stay warm!

snow and stuff

We have enough snow to make a snowman and that's what the kids did today. I spent most of the day shopping and don't get too excited. It wasn't really exciting kind of shopping. I started out running to walmart to get a few things we needed. I was on my way home when my sister calls and wanted me to go there with her. So, I turned around and headed back. She needed a few things, as they are trying to get the house ready for their new addition...making do with limited space. It ended up being a 5 hour ordeal. And I had forgotten that one of the things I had to pick up at walmart was the buns for dinner....we were going to have BBB beef sandwiches. Well, they had to switch it to roast because I wasn't here with the buns. Oh well, at least they got to eat. haha.

I am in another one of my anxiety attacks. I have been this way much since I got home. I was stressed about having been gone so long, for one thing. Stressed bc Jeremy wanted ice cream and mom bitches when we get anything like that because my dad will eat it til it's gone and then be grumpy bc the of the sugar overdose. Things like this is part of my stress. I feel like I am literally being torn in two separate directions. Jeremy pulls me one way (like wanting ice cream) and mom the other (not wanting it here). Making dinner is redicilous. Jeremy absolutely hates onions. My family loves them. I can never please everybody. I can never make everyone happy. It is getting old. If we had our own place, I would make dinner to suit my family and tht would work. I wouldn't have to worry about omitting onions, bc I am not that worried about going without freakin onions. It's not the end of my world. Just all these little things piling up and sitting on my chest like a gosh damned elephant. I realized tonight that I am going to have to go into my doctor and see about getting on some sort of medication for these attacks. I don't think I need a daily med like prozac, but rather an occasional med for when I have the attacks. The downfall to that is, I think the only pills for that cause drowsiness. Or there's always alcohol. LOL. I had to throw that in there because I am writing my term paper on alcoholism. It does actually reduce both physical and mental tension. That's how it can become an addiction for some people. Anyway.....

I was hoping that in writing here, my heart would slow down and settle down. It is working a little bit. It would probably help to get Makenneh to bed. She doesn't have school tomorrow, or again until Dec. 1st. She is sitting her being very good, coloring me pictures. However, she keeps asking me what colors she should use nad while she is just trying to be socialable, i need some peace and quiet. I am going along happily with her game for now. She has been such a good girl lately, I am so proud of her.

I have to find an activity to get Sebastian involved in so he isn't wanting to sit around and play video games all day. He does not want to get out and play, he doesn't want to read, he doesn't want to do anything but pway. UGh. have i ever mentioned that i despise video games? Yes, i do. Maybe he will grow up to be a video game designer and make big bucks?! Just maybe it will be put to good use.

I need to start my exercize video back up. I was doing it every day for awhile but my vcr broke and so i was unable to do it. Now we have a working vcr so it's time to get back into it. It may just help this stress. OK not may, it will. I would feel better all the way around. And the workout is actually fun. The name of it, for anyone interested, is Walk Away the Pounds, with Leslie Simmons. It is something that anybody can pretty much do. If I can get my big butt moving and huff through it, most anyone could. She focuses on doing what you can and just "walking" through the exercizes you can't master. I refused to do that, so I sucked it up and did it all. "Look at this fat chick keeping up with the rest of ya!", as I worked out with my mom and aunts. LOL.

Well, I am gonna get off here and do something, all tht thought about exercise has made me tired. LOL, just kidding. Funny thought though, huh?!

I am so proud

I had the first parent-teacher conference tonight for Makenneh. I have to admit that I was a bit nervous going into it. Basically bc the last one I had last year, while she was in Headstart, left me feeling like a huge heap of failure with tears down my face. They had told me that she would probably not be ready for Kindergarten and would have to do a junior kindy or whatever they called it.

Fast forward to tonight. Her teacher loves her (as did last year's, but still), she is a great student, respectful, eager to learn, diligent, happy, and so forth. She is doing quite well. In fact, in math, she should be at a .30 and she is at .45....so ahead of the schedule. She gets that from her daddy. Along with her attitude, i might add. She is slightly behind in reading readiness...she is at .24 and should be at .30. We have to work on that, but she has come a long ways. Teacher says she has made remarkable progress so far this school year. We have to continue to work on letter recognition and sounds and reading and rhyming. She does fairly well at these things, but not as well as she could. More practice and she will get it. She loves to learn and that is a huge plus. She also loves school. I mentioned to her teacher about what I was told last year and she was amazed. She couldn't believe it. I told her that I enrolled Makenneh in kindy, fully expecting her to have to repeat it. Her teacher said if she were to say right now, as it stands, she doesn't think that would be the case. I am just soooo proud of that girl and I let her know as much when I got home. I showered her in praise and hugs and kisses and "great job".

Sebastian, I just don't know about that boy. He is a sweet thing but he is a whiner. I can't stand it. Persistant little devil, though. It should pay off for him in the future. He is a new generation of video game addicts. He thinks that life revolves around such things. I have been drastically limiting his privelege. It is rough. ALL day long he is at my side, "I wanna play, I wanna play, MOOOOM, i wanna play...." until I want to run down the road until I collapse from heart failure (which wouldn't be too far, really). The new deal is, if they are good during the day, they are allowed 15 mins of electronic delight (makenneh likes to play on computer, he on the 360). Their behavior determines how long they actually get. If they do something amazingly great, we will add a few mins to their time. If they do something not so nice, time will be taken away or the privelege lost all together for that evening. The reward will come after dinner, just be wind down time for bed. It was easy to explain this to Makenneh and I think she gets it. She was super today. Sebastian doesn't understand reasoning so well right now, so I got him whining at my side all day. He did play for some time with his train set that I got back out today. It had been stowed away, so it was like getting a new toy. It takes all I have to stick to this plan because I seriously can't stand the whining. Just make it stop for pete's sake. Not to mention, it's not just me I have to worry about going insane from it....we live with my parents. They don't have as many patience for such things. They haven't had little kids in a long time. So, i try to keep things tolerable for them, beings that it is their house and all. At the same time, I can't give in to him because he seriously wants nothing to do with anything that isn't video games. I wanna smash the thing, but it's Jeremy's and well, that wouldn't make him too happy.

I am starting to feel less stressed about Christmas. I am actually okay with whatever works out. I look forward to buying what we can, enjoying what we get and just relishing the wonder of it all.

We are going up to my grandma's for Thanksgiving. Most of my family is leaving Wednesday and staying the night. We plan to just go up for the day Thursday. I have class wed night until 9pm and I want to go shopping Friday, so would have to be home thurs pm. I haven't completely broken this news to my mom yet. She will come up with a million reasons why we need to just ride with them up there. I seriously look forward to the overnight time alone. I love my parents dearly, but this living arrangement is not working out at all for me. I have been having anxiety attacks for weeks now. They get so bad that I feel like my heart is going to explode if i don't suffocate first. On more than one occasion, I have had to go lay down and do relaxation therapy to calm down. My mom is very negative and very critical of stupid stuff. I dont' know how to exactly explain it. I have thought about posting about this for some time now, because Lord knows I need to vent. I haven't, for fear of her somehow finding it and reading it. I would hate to think that I hurt her feelings. But, the truth is, I need a way to release this stress before it kills me. She and I are like day and night as far as our coping skills. Where I see light, she seems doom and gloom. Where I am thankful for what little I do have, she is worrying about what she doesn't have. My glass is half full, hers is well, damn near empty. Just ask her. It's dragging me down. I have to fight so hard to avoid the depression anymore. I feel it creeping up on me and I have to work hard to stay one step ahead of it. She has started going to church with my dad, hit and miss. I really hope that something touches her and she realizes that she has so much to be thankful for and that life is about those we love and it's important to be thankful for what we have rather than want what we don't. I just don't know. I do know that I am ready to have my own place and be able to relax.

On that note, my uncle says that he has a job offer in a neighboring area and if he gets it/takes it, they will be moving and he still has several months left on his lease of his apartment..ew could live there. We have already been looking into moving to that complex because with Jeremy having been earning cash at his last job, there is no proof of employment or anything and the landlady at this complex doesn't worry about. And, my uncle takes care of the maintenance and leasing. So, it is really our only option if we want out any time soon. getting his place would just give us a larger home, nicer yard. Otherwise, we have to go with the only available unit and it's smaller/not as nice. So, I am hoping his deal works out so that we can go that route. I guess the business proposition gives him 30 days to make a decision, so we shall know by the end of the year. say a prayer!

Well, I am going to head to bed. I know, nothing like cutting htoughts short, but Jeremy just came in here nad I wanna chat with him a bit before going to bed.

Take care

I think I'll stop procrastinating...

Tomorrow! LOL. I am such a procrastinator it's horrible. I have an 8-10 page formal paper due in a week and a half that I just started tonight. I know, that's not too bad. Of course, as I have been working on it for hours, I was thinking it was due this Tuesday. It wasn't until I just started typing this post that I realized we don't have class this Tues, it's due the following Tues. Thankfully. I am having a hard time with it. I just got it all typed up and pulled out the directions for it and well, I'll be damned if I didn't do it right. She included all these points she wanted us to cover and I only covered a handful of them. That's what I get for not looking sooner. OH well. I decided to call it a night and try it again tomorrow. Or the next tomorrow.

I went and got the last of the stuff we need for Thanksgiving dinner. Just a few things. We are going up to my grandma's. I think that Jeremy and I and the kids are just gonna go up for the day. it is hard staying up there with younger kids because gma's house is full to the brim and mostly of pretty things that children shouldn't play with but that are right on the floor or otherwise in their reach. Not to mention, sleeping arrangements can be tough, with a large crowd. And it will give us a day or so to ourselves here, as well, which is much needed. I haven't broken this news to mom yet, but she should be fine with it. We will be there ALL day.

I am still waiting on the additional funds I requested. I should be getting them soon. Keeping my fingers crossed.

The weather outside is frightful. The high today was supposed to be 29*. I am not sure what it actually reached, but I mostly stayed inside. For whatever reasons, I am not as tolerable of the cold as I used to be. I never cared much for cold, but this year, I just shiver when I am outside and I have trouble shaking the cold once I am back indoors. I also don't mind that the woodstove keeps it a very cozy 85*-95* inside. Before, that would have killed me. OK, not literally, but who could breath with it that hot? Turns out, I can manage. I don't care to be right out in the living room, nearest the source of such heat, but I love having it warm and cozy. Maybe that's why I am not doing the cold so well. Spoiled by this heat inside. Mom used to always keep the thermostat rather low (never over 68* and more likely to hover around 65*). So, this is a new concept in this house.

I could talk politics for a brief moment. I wasn't shocked to read in the paper that Obama is filling his cabinet with insiders. Go figure. Some change from the usual washington politician crap. It doesn't give me a bunch of hope for any other promises. Time will tell of course. I am surprised because truth be told, he is a politician and they all tell you what you want to hear during an election year. They know what works. When the chips fall, they all fall back on the "Good ol' Boy" system because well, it's all they know. That's the end of my rant on that.

Mom has been looking up all kinds of homemade gift ideas and I promise I am going to attempt some of them. I really have to this year if i am to pull any kind of Christmas off. I found a cute candle recipe that makes these neet, airy looking candles. Also milk baths, bath salts, bath oils, and the like. I can do up cute baskets of bath goodies. I am kinda excited to get started.

Well, I could ramble some more and empty my head, but I think i am ready for bed.
Later~