Just another Manic Monday

Today has been one of those days. I got home from school and both kids were just being horrible. Makenneh more so. Her mouth is out of control. She got grounded last night for her mouthiness and today continued the trend. When she would ease up, Sebastian would start in with whining or something equally irritating. I was meanwhile trying to read my chapter in Child Welfare and do my take home quiz. It took me about four hours to read one chapter and answer 3 questions. That should shine some light on the number of interruptions I had to deal with. Then, it all came to head a little bit ago. I was in here googling AA meetings in my area because I have to attend one for my Substance Abuse class and write a paper, that is due on Thursday. While searching for meeting locations and times, I hear the kids outside carrying on. Then I hear Sebastian start crying. I didn't think much of it because well, they have been going on like this all day. Then, I hear Makenneh hollering for me. I fly up and run out the door. I am literally 5 steps from the front door. As I open it, she is telling me Sebastian is hurt and bleeding and there he is, bleeding. She threw a chair and it hit him in the head. He refused to get in the shower to let me wash him, so I had to get a wash cloth and do it. The cut is minimal but like any cut to the head area, they bleed. I was able to wash the blood off his arms, hands, legs, etc but can't get it out of his hair without a shower. HE refuses so for now, he is running around with blood in his white hair. Lovely. I called Jeremy almost in tears because I am at my wits end. I don't want to see anymore blood spurting from any parts of the body for a while. I have had my share, thank you.

I have a test on Wednesday in my Social Work with the Aging class. It's open book/open notes, so that's a plus. The state of mind im in right now isn't conducive to productive studying. I've read all the chapters - 5 of them are included on this test and I have taken all the class notes, so I should be fine.

well, hours have passed since I started this blog...but had to get kids to bed and then call my sister to see if she could print my homework that is due Wednesday. I emailed it to her to have her print. What a pain. I so hope I am getting enough back from financial aid to get either my car running and a computer or a different car and a computer. either way, I need wheels and a computer. This isn't going to work all semester long.

My dad finally got called back to work today. They want him to go back tomorrow. He was a little frustrated with the lack of notice. He was in the midst of a home project when they called this afternoon so he had to wrap that up. Then, it allows no time to readjust. He has been off for a month. And the other dilemma is I now have no wheels to get to my day class on mon and wed. Nor do I have wheels for my jury duty that starts next Thursday. They did get the title to that other car and got it all legal but the brakes are very bad so can't drive it too far. I may have to until I get my money from financial aid. It just seems to be one thing after another. I guess I am supposed to have my money 3 weeks from the date of record for the college, which was the 15th. That would mean I still have 2 weeks to wait. I don't know how well it is going to work out. but better to know I have some money coming than not to have any coming. Oh well.

Well, my head is still spinning from my crappy day and crazy night. I am going to get off here before I ramble more nonsense. I have some loose ends to tie up for school and then I am going to bed. Ok, i will probably read blogs and unwind a bit too!

PS...Sebastian finally let me wash the blood out of his hair awhile ago. I couldn't let him go to bed like that. I figured if i just ignored it for a bit, he would cooperate. Lucky me, it worked.

I'm still here

Julie brought it to my attention that it's been awhile since I've posted. Yes, it has. For no particular reason, other than everyday life happening. One day last week, Makenneh was at her friend's house playing and comes home, holding a wad of paper towel to her head, blood running down her arm, crying. I run to her, ask her what happened and she said she was under Cassie's table and it happened. I was upset that they left her to walk home, bleeding from her head, by herself. I get her in the house, try to clean it up so i can see the damage. Every time the towel is pulled away, the blood starts pouring out. My mom freaks out in the sight of any danger and my dad had just left to run to town. Jeremy wasn't yet home from work. I had to be strong because I didn't want to upset Makenneh any more than she already was. I got a washcloth wet and began to try to wash away the blood to see the wound. In the meantime, I'm asking Makenneh what happened. I guess they were playing hide and seek and she crawled under the table. She hit her head on something and voila! My mom went over to check but saw no nails or sharp things under there, so i have no idea. Once I got the bleeding to stop, I saw that the wound wasn't nearly as bad as the bleeding may have implied. It was a small cut right in her hairline on the left side. I cleaned it all up and asked her how she felt. The bleeding stopped, her eyes dialated properly and she was ready to go play some more! I convinced her to relax on the couch for a bit while I cleaned up the bathroom. In the midst of this, before I had had a chance to see the wound, Cassie comes over and says how she has to get the blood cleaned before her mom gets home because she will be mad and blame it all on Cassie. Wow, i was livid. Here my kid is, bleeding from the head and everyone is concerned about blood on carpet of a rental unit. I wanted to puke, cry and scream at once. After I got to the wound and saw that it wasn't a gaping hole or anything and had Makenneh cleaned up, I told Cassie that my dad attends church with her landlord and will explain to him that the blood on his carpet is Makenneh's and I am sure the landlord will have no real problem with it. I am sure his first question would be whether or not Makenneh was ok. My assumption is, her mom must be quite the "meanie" about things because why else is this 11 yr old more worried about mom seeing blood on the carpet than the safety of the person whose blood it is? She kept saying it over and over, too, as if she were really worried bout it. I don't know. Anyway, Makenneh is well, has a small boo boo that her hair hides and all is well.

Then, Friday night I was able to spend the evening in the ER because Jeremy got a fish hook in his finger. I almost passed out while in the room while the doctor was getting it out. I have never reacted like that before. I mean, I watched his vasectomy without a flinch. But, here I was, pouring sweat, chilled, sick to my stomach, shaking legs, ready to pass out. They gave him an antibiotic but nothing for pain. It tends to throb and hurt at times, but for the most part, he is doing fine. It's gross because they have to poke the hook through the other side to clip off the barbs, then pull the hook back out. Ugh, so gross! So those are the exciting*but not fun* events of my week.

On a brighter note: Sebastian is potty trained. He has been all week plus without diapers. At first, I was using diapers at night still, but JEremy had forgotten to put one on one night and he remained clean and dry, so he doesn't even get them at night! I am so done with diapers. He still has occassional accidents, but I just never thought we would get this far! Whew! No more diapers for me!

My brother officially proposed to his girlfriend last night. It was sweet. They already have a baby together and already knew they were going to get married, but he got the ring and made the proposal last night while they were in Frankenmuth, enjoying an evening out together! Their wedding is set for August 29, 2009. So many weddings

Well, my dear hubby is over my shoulder, patiently anticipating the use of the internet (just one more min, honey)....so I am gonna get off here and take a little rest!

Have a great week!

Holy Gas Prices

STick me with a fork, Im done. Gas was around 3.85/gallon this morning. By afternoon, it was jumping to 4.95, with talks that in surrounding cities it was already reaching 6.00 and 7.00 per gallon. Are you kidding me?! I don't want to go out tomorrow and see that high of gas prices. It's insane. The gas stations all have long lines, backing traffic up and it's just a crazy thing out there. People trying to top off their gas tanks before the huge hike in gas prices. Unbelievable it is. But, it does help to prove a sort of point, i suppose. If we speak from a political view point. Many people think the president has much control over gas prices. If this were so, does any realistic being think that a president would allow them soar sooo entirely high this close to election? Even if he can't be reelected, he is going to want a republican to take his seat. Therefore, if he had control, he would certainly keep it from jumping this damn high this close to the election. So, I think that theory is now blown out of the water. At least to some degree, if we think about it this logically. It would hurt the republican party to allow this when the election is so close. Just think about that for a moment.

Enough politics. Let's talk weather because well, my life is THAT pathetic and well, the weather is peculiar as of late. We are looking at rain all weekend and it already started today. I saw on Julie Q's blog that it is due to Ike. Great, we get the residual effects of Ike. She had mentioned that we may experience winds up to 40 mph. Yikes. To think that the effects of the hurricane can reach us all the way up here. It's amazing how it all works. I was hoping for better weather this weekend though. I even got a burn permit so we could have a bonfire. but, the forecast doesn't seem to allow for any of that.

Tomorrow is Jeremy's birthday. I bought him some steaks and I am making Chocolate Upside Cake. it is sooo yummy! But, i realized tonight that I forgot the darn chocolate chips so I will have to run out tomorrow and get those. Here I thought I could avoid the store tomorrow. Oh well. ha, i have hershey bars, I may just decide to break those up and use them instead. I am over this going to the store all the time. It gets tiring. Especially when you haven't money to shop around and pick up things that tickle your fancy. Takes all the fun right out of it. Hah! Hopefully tomorrow isn't as humid as today. I don't want to do the whole oven thing if so. It was so hazy today. The temp didn't get too high, but the air was so thick you could nearly slice it with a knife. You could certainly see it.

i was going to put more money on my cell phone (I was supposed to do it the beginning of hte month but i didn't have the money) and I am getting frustrated. Walmart only cells Top-up cards (the ones I use for my Virgin phone) in $30 incriments. WEll, I need like 34.00. I didn't want to buy 60.00 worth of cards today bc we just don't have the extra money right now. i thought I could put the 30 on and then use my debit card for the few extra dollars. I got the site and realized that they only let you pay in 10.00 increments. Grrrr...striking out all over here. I haven't gone to the bank in forever (jeremy gets paid cash) so I have like no money in there. So, now I have to wait til monday when I can go to bank, deposit money, so I can use my debit card to put 10.00 on there. No winning. At least I will have it in time for the school week. It is awfully dark on campus at night. I was a bit upset about that. The main campus isn't in the best of areas and they have had problems there before. Yet, the damn place is poorly lit and classes are letting out at 9pm. And because of crappy parking, you must walk all across the campus to get from class to car. I think I shall invest in some pepper spray. Funny how it never bothered when i went when I was younger. I dind't think twice. Now, I stepped out of the building and was like, "Whoa! This isn't even cool." I mentioned something to one of the girls walking out with me and she said her friend was attacked on that campus about 8 or 9 yrs ago. I usually don't worry about that kinda stuff too much. I mean, i am alert while walking, I am paying attention to my surroundings and always on the lookout. But, i usually don't fret about it. Mom says I dare to go where Angels fear to tread. She says that because I will drive through the hood if need be. I don't freak out and have a melt down. I keep my chin up, eyes open and go about my business. It just shocks me that the college is putting all this money into freaking landscaping and huge speed bumps that about take your oil pan off and yet, they can't get some better/brighter lighting. Makes no sense to me. They put in new speed bumps last weekend. I got to school on monday, go over the speed bump at the normal speed (under 25mph) and bottomed out...of course, as i reached the next one, i noticed that all these bumps have scrapings of paint on them....so obviously everyone was doing the same thing. I slowed to a complete stop and rolled over teh rest of them. I can't afford to have an oil pan or muffler ripped off by a damn speed bump. But lo and behold, those things we cut down yesterday when i got there. I knew they were too high. Sure they had a lot of complaints.

My brother and Sara picked a date for their wedding. August 22, 2009. I have to email the church to reserve the date. I need to do that now, so I don't forget. Next year is gonna be another busy one for me. Jeremy's cousin is getting married in May, in Vegas, having a reception in June and a shower in probably march or april. My sister is due May 1st, so a shower in march or april. My nephew graduates in June, so an open house in June for him. My brother gets married in August and a shower in june or july. Then my cousin gets married in December, so a shower in october or november. Crazy. Those are just the events I already know about. Heaven knows I will get more open house invites at least. And at least one more shower or something to attend. Wow.

Well, i am going to get off here and finish up things so i can get to bed...have a great weekend. I may not be around much, as usual on the weekends.

Just a tad tired?!

Between early mornings for Makenneh going to school, me starting school and then the added fatigue of my "monthly", I am just beat. Proof: this afternoon I was so tired i couldn't stay up another moment. I thought I would ay down on the couch for a bit and just rest. I fell dead asleep and didn't wake until I was having a dream that I was getting ready to leave for class and realized I had a bunch of homework to do. That woke me up. I looked at the clock and had to shake my head and clear the fog to see again. It was 530pm and I had to be to class at 6pm. I normally leave at 5ish to be sure i get there on time, btwn construction, detours, parking and walking to class. I had to change into my jeans (bc i had pj pants on) and I flew out the door. I didn't have time to do anything else. It was such a horrid feeling. The kids were outside playing so I didn't get to kiss them good bye, I hadn't made dinner, nothing. Of course, living with my parents meant that I was able to nap in the first place and I knew that between Jeremy and my parents, the kids would be fed but it was still rough. And of course, it's a rough start to a class. I was a couple mins late to class, no big deal. But, as I took my seat in the group I work with for our project, I realized that we were having a quiz and that I hadn't read chapters 1 & 2. Ugh!!!! Not enough time to read, so i just hit the summaries and hoped for the best. Well, as it turns out, the teacher let us take the quizes in our groups, so btwn the reading I was able to do in those few mins and working in the group, I only missed 2. Whew! Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

My sister had her ultrasound today and everything looks great. She is Due May 1st. Well, take your pick. The doc said April 3oth based on the first day of her last period. U/S said May 1st. LOL. I'm guessing anytime in there, huh?! They were able to hear the heartbeat and of course, that was a relief. I am sure that my sister will be able to relax now and really enjoy the rest of her pregnancy. For the most part. She was so worried after having had the cramps and discharge. Although, both issues have been explained and the doc had even said the early ultrasound wouldn't be necessary. she wanted it anyway for peace of mind. Now she has it. It will be the last peace of mind she will ever have now! hahahahahahhahahaaa. Makenneh keeps saying that Aunt Carrie has one boy and one girl in her belly. I think that's too cute. Of course, they only saw one in there today, so I don't think that will be an issue.

Tomorrow my mom has a funeral to go to. One of her cousins passed away. She is about my mom's age (don't think she is over 50). She had a clot on/in/near her lungs, so they had placed a mesh thing around it to prevent more clots and then there was another clot, so she had an upcoming appointment at UofM hospital. Well, she began to have severe pain and such, so she went in to their ER and was being transported to Cardiac Care for the clot when they lost her pulse. They did everything they could to bring her back, but she was gone. She has a minor child and husband that she leaves behind. It's rather sad. It just goes to show that when our time on Earth is done, it is done. On that same note, the "words from the pastor" section of the weekly pamphlet at church had a bit about living like you were dying. It was very eye opening to read. It read something like this: I have a life-threatening ailment and am dying. and goes on to talk about how we are all inflicted with this ailment. We are all dying. Puts things into perspective. I think we often forget that little piece. We say the things we would do if we knew were dying, yet, we already know we are dying and we still don't do these things. We put it off until tomorrow, with the thought that tomorrow never comes. (which tomorrow does come. We just call it something else. We call it TODAY!). And speaking of death- me, my sister and my mom all went to get our rings inspected and cleaned. Mom's ring has to be sent in because one of the diamonds are loose. The lady told her that she really needs to get it soldered because that's what is causing the damage. AS the two rings (engagement/wedding) knock back and forth on each other, the one diamond is constantly being hit by the other ring....thus loosing it. If it were soldered together, that wouldn't happen. Well, mom didn't want her ring soldered because she had the thought that unsoldered, each of us girls could have a piece. Now, that isn't going to work and she was all worried about who would get her ring when she dies and how could she keep it fair. Sis and I told her we would bury it with her. NO she said. Today, she brought it up again and kinda talked herself through a solution. She said she would like me to have the ring because it is a nice set and my sister already has a nice set. Mine is just a solitaire and band (which I am completely happy with-it's what I chose). I told her it doesn't matter to me. SHe then said that she has her mom's rings too. So, I said well how about you give that to Carrie because I already have one of my gma's rings. And while this ring didn't cost as much as the wedding set, it is an expensive piece (and one i am always complimented on). That way, sis gets one of gma's rings, too. I really don't care, because my thoughts on this stuff is this: material possessions do not bring your loved one back. They don't make or erase the memories of the heart. They just don't matter. The bonds of life, of living, aren't dependant upon the material things. I cherish the ring that was my gma's and it is my prized possession (honestly, probably the nicest thing I own), but it doesn't change the memories I have of my grandma. Those memories exist with or without the ring. So, yeah, don't know how I got off on that subject, but now it's out there. And during a car ride, we were able to settle the dilemma.

Mom went and bought a nice, fancy camera today. she has wanted one for a long time and didn't want to just settle, so she has been researching cameras and learning things about them to make the best decision. She finally bought one today. It's quite a fancy contraption and I had to tease her about what she planned on photographing with this fancy thing. I had to give her a hard time out of fun. She has had her face burried in the "digital SLR book for dummies" almost all day. That came in the camera bundle she bought. Along with a printer (not that we needed another of those), an additional lens and then a starter kit that included a carry bag, extra battery and uv protection lens. My goodness, I didn't realize taking pictures could be so involved. Point and shoot, please. Although, i am a bit excited to have her take pics of the kids and see how well they turn out.

Well, I am sure this post has become lengthy enough and i need to finish my rounds on here and get to bed. 630am comes too darn early for this girl!

Grandparents' Day

Today is Grandparents' Day at Makenneh's school. The gparents get to visit with the kids at school and have a lunch together. Makenneh is so excited. We've been having issues with her in the morning. She just doesn't like to get up that early. She tells me that she isn't going to school or riding the bus because she doesn't want to get up so early. Last Friday was a true testament to her disdain for mornings. Jeremy was home (they often don't work on Friday). I had gone in to wake her and she was quite tired so I told her she could sleep for a few more mins. I sent Jeremy in to wake her after about 10 mins and she tells him, "YOU RUINED MY BIG SLEEP!!!!" She was so mad! We had to fight back the laughter. She was a bit resistant at first to the whole morning routine, but I told her if she was good and got ready, she could have ice cream when she got home. Bribery will get you everywhere. That coupled with my gentleness and constant encouragement changed her mood. I hope that as she gets more used to the early mornings, it will go smoother for her. She told me that she liked getting up like she did for Miss Laura's class (last year's headstart). Of course she did. She didn't have to be up til 10am. I can't blame her...mom doesn't like mornings much either. But, I told her that and that mom still has to get up early every morning. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like doing. Such is life.

I am on week 2 of classes. They are going fine. It's so much more fun when all your classes are specialized for the field you are entering. I have a computer class and a lab that I have to take for general ed requirements, but other than that, the gen eds are done. It's mostly social work from here on out.

As for Sebastian, it doesn't look like he is going to school this year. The coordinator hasn't gotten back with me and he still isn't potty trained, so I am not pushing it either. I just don't know about that boy. He is so content to sit in soaking wet diapers. Not a bother to him at all. I switched to store brand diapers, hoping that the wetness would get to him more (vs. the better brands that wick moisture away so they feel dry). It doesn't matter, all that happens is he sits in his diaper until it is literally leaking out and soaking whatever he sits on.

I cannot wait for my student loan and the leftover money from my grant. I should be getting it in early October. I can get my car fixed and back on the road and I can put some money in savings and feel that much closer to getting our own place. I just have to remind myself that this will all be over sooner or later and I will be able to look back at it and laugh. But, darn if I am not sure I have the patience for waiting that long. I want things "fixed" now. And Jeremy's job will be winding down soon because they don't work through the winter. He is a "temp" employee with the company so he won't get unemployment. So, he has to start looking for something which will mean I will have to take him to and fro. It's overwhelming to think about at times. But, until we can get all that crap from his past cleared up, this is the way it will be. You take the good, you take the bad....

Well, I guess I am done here for now. Just needed some release of thoughts! Have a great day!

Back to school for me!

Last night was my first class....Intro to Social Work. Today I had Social work with the Aged. Tonight I have Child Welfare and tomorrow night I have Intro to Substance Abuse. So far, so good. Today's teacher...Mrs. Lawson, is a stickler on cell phones. They are to be turned OFF (not even vibrate bc that makes noise still) and if you feel it's important enough to take a call during class, pick your stuff and walk out and keep walking. Do not come back into the class that day. IF you forget any of your things while you go to take a call, you have to wait until class is OVER to pick them up. WOW. I understand that a lot of people lack cell phone etiquette and they can be quite disruptive. Your bff calling during class doesn't require you to answer right away. SHe can assuredly wait until your 1.5 hr class is over. I get all that. I get that it is disruptive to have ppl coming in and out of the classroom taking calls. BUt, I have two small children; one of which started Kindy this year. IF for some reason, God forbid, the school or sitter needs to reach me, I am taking the call. NOw, suppose the school calls to tell me that Makenneh got sick at school. I would then call someone else to go get her..someone who lives closer and could get to her before me. I would then go back to class, because the class is only a total of 1.5 hrs, so as long as it's not a dire emergency (throwing up can be handled by gma or auntie), it could wait. SHe would be in the care of a loving family member, getting rest and all that she needs. But, with this teacher's policy, I would have to leave class for hte day and take an absence. Grrrr! I pride myself with my excellent attendance. B ut, this chick makes us "clock in and out" of class so if to add up absences. Leave 5 mins early, come in 20 mins late, etc will add up to an absence. I know why she is doing it. Some people have no respect. But, still, damn it why do the rest of us have to be punished. We are all adults, with the few exceptions of dually enrolled seniors.
End of rant.

Other than that, it's going well. I am a bit tired....the early mornings, go go go. Add to that my cousins (one or another) have been stopping by and staying rather late, keeping me up. I have been too nice and haven't said anything, but no more. I am getting too old (as the AARP app proves) and cannot hang out all night, even if it is just sitting at my kitchen table playing rummy. LOL. I am tired. Need my beauty rest.

Well, I shall get off here and get dinner started. Jeremy will be home soon and I will be leaving in about an hour or so for my next class. Enjoy your evenings! I am sure I will!

What are "they" trying to tell me?

So, Jeremy goes to the mailbox this afternoon and comes in with the mail. As he lays it on the table he says (jokingly of course), "See, I told you you were getting old." What???? What are you talking about?

I received an AARP membership application/card today. Yes, I did. I am not quite sure whether to be humored by this, or mortified. Mostly, I suppose, I'm humored by it. Membership fees are 12.50/yr for you and your spouse. I told him I am half-tempted to pay it, just for shits and giggles. And I have to appreciate the last line in their little letter: "You'll also appreciate AARP's trustworthy information and resources. It can help you protect your health, your money and your career, and make the most of life over 50."

Well, then. So this is life over 50? I was certainly hoping for something a little better. Say, having my own place, children mostly grown, ya know....those kinds of things. But, hey. AARP has me in the over 50 club already. Hahahaha. I can't help but think how my mom would be sooo mortified by the thought. LOL. OF course, this comes today when I do feel 50 and was already reminded of my aging.
My cousin and her husband came over last night and we got to playing Euchre. Well, they ended up staying here until 630am. Yes! I had been up for 23.5 hours at that point. Wow! I have had bits and pieces of broken sleep, totalling about 2 hours. I tried taking a nap but it just wasn't working..i couldn't sleep. I am feeling it though. I am just too darned old for those tricks. My cousin and her hubby don't have kids yet, so they don't understand the true value of sleep. Someday, someday. We had a good time and time really just flew by, as we played game after game, paying little to no mind to the time.

I called my mom earlier and they are on their way home..should be here any time now, actually. I hustled around picking up because, while the house wasn't trashed or anything, my mom is anal about not coming home from a trip to a messy house. So, i made sure the dishes were done, things picked up, the floors vaccuumed, etc. And even lit some candles to make it smell nice and pretty!

Well, I am going to head back outside and spend time with the family...that's what we were doing earlier. It's beautiful outside. And i may just have to fill out my membership application...lol.

Is this day over yet?

Wow, it has been one of those strange days. Not really bad. Just blah. Jeremy didn't have to work today..and we just lazed around all darn day. I did start laundry shortly after opening my eyes this morning (which I woke up at 7am....when Makenneh didn't have school today). I have also done the dishes more times than I care to count today (Frankly, once is plenty, but where do all these dishes come from? I think I will not cook dinner anymore, lol). I had a roast started by noon and a pot of green beans from the garden started shortly thereafter. We have all these beans and well, they need to be eaten or blanched and frozen (which I have done that as well). And my sister brought tomatoes over last weekend to can, but decided not to bother, bc there wasn't a lot and it was very hot. But, she left them so we have them on top of the ones we have picked from our own garden. Best part? I don't do tomatoes. I like them in chilis and casseroles and such but I do not like uncooked, plain tomatoes. Neither does Jeremy. The kids aren't overly excited about them either. So, here they sit. I did send some over to the neighbors. Of course, dad had mentioned prior to leaving that if i felt ambitious, i could can them. hah. I haven't felt the surge, sorry. I have never had anything to do with canning and it seems a bit intimadating to try it on my own for the first time...even my sister consults mom's help with the canning and she is all into that stuff.

So, back to my lazy, blah day. Jeremy has been sleeping since around 5something and it is now almost 9pm. I have not bothered with dressing...just put on my peasanty type skirt and a tank top and called it good. I could easily go to bed right now and not feel bad. OF course, the kids are still up and that is what I have to do once I am done here. Makenneh fights bedtime so bad because she has a friend next door, Cassie, and they play all day, every waking moment and why should she part with Cassie to do something so trivial and boring as sleep? There are bugs to catch and insects to ponder over and caterpillars to watch cacoon and games to play and barbies to dress and pages to color. No time for sleep. Barely time for eat. So, every night we have to listen to her whine and cry about how she wants to play with Cassie and it's not even fair and she doesn't want to go bed and can Cassie read to me and it's not even dark outside and and and. I am so glad that she has such a good friend but my, I am over hearing about Cassie this and Cassie that. ANd don't dare argue with Cassie's wisdom. If Cassie says it is so, why then, it must be so. I am sure that as the school year progresses, she will find friends in her classroom and maybe this Cassie fascination will slow down. But, for the summer, Cassie is all she had and they have so much in common, despite Cassie being 11 yrs old. They love to catch the bugs and then Cassie looks them up online and tells Makenneh what they are, what they eat, where they live, etc. Cassie loves to learn and she is digs to find the knowledge and that is an admirable trait...one I don't mind rubbing off on Makenneh (not that Makenneh lacks there, anyway, she loves to learn the stuff as well).

Anyway, I have babbled enough. I am bored out of my mind and it is time to put the children to bed...and maybe collapse there myself. Have a good night everyone

Another Morning ETA: BOOKS!

Makenneh is doing very well getting up in the morning. I was a little skeptical at first, because this girl has loved to sleep in since she got the hang of actually sleeping. It took her a couple years to decide to sleep through the night, but once she got it...well, even before she got it, mornings weren't her thing. She got that from me, I'm quite sure. So, when I found out she would have morning kindy, I cringed for myself, because, well, I don't do mornings. I also feared the battle I would have getting her up that early. But, I figured, she has to get it down sometime, because first grade gives no option. To my surprise, she jumps right up out of bed when I wake her. No grumbles, no fuss. I have minimal problems getting her ready in the morning. The main thing is, she is a dawdler. Takes her sweet time, assuming time will stop for her. But it's not too bad. She loves going to school and riding the bus, so I just to mention that she doesn't want to miss the bus and she steps it up.

Last night her school had a back to school open house. We were able to meet her teacher, get info on girl scouts, a savings account program through a local credit union and of course, the endless sign up sheets for volunteering. We signed her up for girl scouts...well didn't officially sign up but filled out the form to be contacted about it. Makenneh also wants to do the savings account thing they offer. I think it's quite neat. Every wednesday, a rep from the credit union comes in and collects the kids' deposits, shows them how the savings account works and all that good stuff. I think that is a great learning tool. Makenneh loves money..she loves to hoard it. She picks up change, saves any money we give her and stashes it in one of her purses. I have to go over the paperwork on it and see what it all about and make a decision about the savings plan. I feel bad bc my sister works at a bank and if i opened an account there, she would get credit but having this through the school is so much easier and it gives Makenneh a hands on approach to saving money. I also signed up to volunteer for several different things. They will send info home closer to each event and I can decide then if I am able to do it. It will all depend on what days these things fall and what my school schedule is, my vehicle situation, etc. But, I will try to do what I can.

My sister went to the doctor yesterday morning. When she initially called for the appointment, they set it for next week. My mom told her to call back and explain the cramping and discharge, so she did. They told her to come in the very next morning. He did her blood work and sent it off and called the OB to talk to him, let him know the lab work has been done and that he would be receiving it in his office. Then, her doctor (who is also our doctor and I love him), ordered an ultrasound that will be in two weeks. I thought it was great that he did that, rather than make her wait until she got into the OB and have him order it. So, in two weeks she will be able to put her mind completely at ease. THe doc explained that it very well could be normal. On the flip side, it could mean something like a tubal pregnancy. We are hoping and praying that that isn't the case and everything is fine. The doc asked her if she was excited and she said she doesn't want to be too excited yet, until she knows everything is fine. He did do a pelvic exam and said that everything feels right, so we hope that is a good sign. Keep her and the baby in your thoughts and prayers. Her due date is April 30th. Our grandma's bday was May 3rd...i told Carrie it would be cool if she had the baby on that day.

I don't know if i had mentioned, but we had Makenneh's school clothes out on Sunday so she could show her grandma chris and I put all the bags back in my room, or so i thought. Monday, i was uanble to find one of hte bags that has a few pair of her pants in it. I am stressed because I still haven't found it. Every day, I dig through here trying to find it. The only thing I can think of it was left in the living room and got mixed in with the stuff my parents had stacked up to take camping with them. I am hoping that is the case and I will have them back this weekend. Otherwise, the girl is gonna be short of school clothes. Luckily, she has enough clothes to get her through the first week. I don't know what else could have happened to them. so frustrating.

Well, Sebastian is ready for breakfast, so I am off here...have a good day

ETA: I am soooo excited, my books came today. I ordered them on Friday night and here they are. I am ready for school now! Woohoo!

Freezing

Ugh, I left the windows open last night and couldn't sleep because I kept waking up cold. It got mighty cold last night. I now wish I would have taken the extra time to go through and shut windows before going to bed. I will be sure to do that tonight. I actually turned the furnace on when i got up this morning to take the chill off the air and I am just now beginning to thaw out. My parents were probably popsicle sticks sleeping in a dang tent in the UP.

Makenneh loves school. She had a great day. And of course she brought home several forms I had to fill out and I got those all done and ready to turn in. Sebastian had his physical and that is out of the way. He had to have two shots, poor thing. On the way home, he told me, "She hurt me mom". When he saw daddy he told daddy, "They still hurt" and then last night he told me, "No more boo boos, mommy." Whew. He did cry a bit more than Makenneh ever did but he still bounced back rather fast. The doctor asked if we are having any issues and I told him potty training. He gave me a paper on toilet training resistance. But like he said, it's nothing you can force and something they do on their own time. He stressed that I have to refrain from getting frustrated because it only hinders the progress. Of course, I knew all this, but it is nice to hear it again and know that he will be trained before his first date! LOL. ANd I just have to keep reminding myself that once he is done with diapers, I am done with diapers for good! I have been changing dirty diapers for 5 yrs now. I am ready to give them up!


Well, I need to get Makenneh up and get her ready for school..i .let her sleep an extra 15 mins today and we will see how we do for time this time. Yesterday she had too long to sit and wait...she was antsy. Have a great day!

Off to Kindy

I survived putting her on the bus. Tears only stung my eyes after the bus was pulling away. Not too bad. Of course, what really helped is her eagerness to go. I woke her up at 7:05 and she jumped right up, excited about school. She asked if it was time to go to school and I said it was time to get ready to go to school. She jumps out of bed and says, "Im so excited!" I had gotten her up a little bit early because I was unsure of how the morning would unfold and I wanted to allow enough time for everything without too much rush. Hah, she was a trouper. She couldn't wait to get dressed and go wait for the bus. She was ready with over 40 mins to spare. She spent most of the rest of the morning either watching the clock or waiting outside for the bus. I took plenty of pictures, most of which she just had to pose for. As soon as Jeremy digs out the adapter for my printer, I will load them on here ( I am going to make that his mission for this afternoon). I got a cute one of her walking down the driveway. In hindsight, I should've given my mom the camera and had her take a pic of Kenneh and I walking hand in hand down the driveway...but of course, I was still in my pj pants...who really cares though! Anyway, it went well and her bus driver seems to be a real sweet heart.

Ok, thats it for now because Sebastian wants me to sit outside with him.....I may post an update after she gets home!

Wahhhh, I don't want her to go

Makenneh's first day of Kindergarten is tomorrow....in about 10 hours or so....and I have become a blubbering blob of emotions. I didn't think it would be so hard because she has gone to school for the past two years. But, for some reason, I started having anxiety tonight. For one, I realized that we haven't even met her teacher, Makenneh has never been inside this school and oh my, what if she gets lost, scared, etc. I keep thinking of all the what-if possibilities and it makes me ill and fearful. I am usually not like this. I just feel like all my control is being handed over. I am handing one of my prized possessions (my son being the other) over to strangers. I have no control of her safety, well-being, etc for those several hours. I don't know. I have cried and cried. The anxiety actually started when i woke up this morning. We stayed at my uncle's last night. I got up and felt antsy as ever. I couldn't stand it. So, around 1pm we come home. I ran to the store with my mom after awhile and got home to be reminded I had a baby shower this afternoon and my mother in law had called, was on her way to get me. Great..had to rush around for that and abandon all other missions. Get home from at about 730 and well, it's time for bath and bed for the kids. I get Makenneh in the shower and she does fine...until it's time to get out. She melts down. She has an attitude, is being sassy as all hell and wow. It hits me..she is probably feeling anxious about tomorrow, so I stay calm with her. Light bulb goes off ..i still need to run up to the shcool to get the bus route info that should be posted on the doors. Aha. Tell Makenneh that if she is good and gets out of the shower, she can go with me, I will show her where her school is. She gets out and dressed....oh shit, dad is cleaning out car in prep for their trip tomorrow (mom and dad are leaving for a camping trip). Makenneh starts crying that she wants to see her school, I am stressed thinking I won't get to find out what bus she rides and what time she needs to be out there, etc. I bark at Jeremy that the HAS to get fixed, I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE!!!!!! Well, I come in the house and just break down. I call Makenneh into the bedroom and hold her. I wanted so badly to tell her it would be ok, but how could I? I can't be sure that it will be. I just stroke her hair for a moment while I regain my composure. Then, I tell her everything will ok and isn't it exciting and you are going to the very same school mama went to when she was a little girl, and oh the friends you will meet, and don't forget the new clothes and backpack and how fun! She still is upset bc she wants to see her school. I can understand that, because I want her to see it. But, I have no control over the vehicle situation. Did i mention that this is taking place around 8pm? I wanted her in bed at 8pm, not worrying over this stuff. To make a long story a lil shorter, dad finished washing car windows and whatever and mom runs us up there....there is nothing on the doors about teachers, classes, bus routes, nothing. But, she was able to look in through the glass doors and see a bit and I showed her the windows that will probably be her classroom and she felt much better. I also pointed to the area she will get off the bus and whew, we both feel much better. I came home from that and my mother in law had called with the bus number. My mom called her back and they chatted while I got Makenneh to bed. She had gone online and found out that bit of info and I am going to call the bus garage in the morning to find out an appx pick up time. Deep breath, I think we will be ok. Of course, I know I am going to be a wreck tomorrow morning putting her on the bus. I hope I can hold it together though!!! This is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be!

ANd guess what?!!! We found out the other day that my sister is pregnant. She took a home test and it is positive. I think that was on Friday. She is calling tomorrow to get her appointment. She is a bit nervous though because she is having a brownish discharge and she has had cramps....i don't remember those things in my pregnancies and not sure if it normal or not. I know you can spot and stuff, but i don't know the extent. I pray that everything works out because they are so absolutely excited. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. ~*~*~Lots of sticky dust~*~*~

Well, I guess I have exhausted most emotional thoughts for the moments. I have a headache now from the crying and I think I need to go lay my weary head down and try to get some sleep....have to be up early early...bus garage opens at 6am and I must be calling to find out when her bus will be here to get her!

Wish me luck!

la de da

Nothing of particular interest to say tonight. Just thought I would make a quick post before heading off to bed.

My parents leave Sunday to go up north camping. They will be gone all week. I am rather looking forward to some time with just the 4 of us. We are on the summer vacation wind down because Makenneh starts school on Monday. Yep, as of Monday, she will be a kindergartner (have no idea if i spelled that right). I can't believe it. WE got the letter from her teacher today and the only school supplies she needs is a backpack with her name in it. We can donate a box of tissue, hand sanitizer wipes or storage baggies if we wish, but everything else is provided, even a free breakfast. That means no snacks are even needed. I can't believe it. I expected to get a list from here to kingdom come. I remember one year my little cousin Joey got his list of supplies....it included dry erase markers and all kinds of other supplies. It was ridiculous. It was obvious that his teacher was basically asking the students to provide all of her supplies for the year. Which wouldn't be so bad, but it should be on a donation basis, not included in the list of necessity school supplies the parents are "obligated" to buy. So, anyway, I was happy to have such a short list.

Sebastian still refuses to potty train. I even tried the pull ups, out of desperation. Nope..he still pees and poos in them all the same. He is even content to sit in a dirty diaper. He will not want his diaper changed. The boy is strange.

Well, I guess, now that I have discussed pee and poo, can't be much left to talk about right? Hope everyone has a great night.

Some days, err, moments, are diamonds....

Today, Makenneh told me she really wants a parrot. I told her when she grows up and gets her own place, she can have a parrot. She replied: I don't wanna gwow up n have babies and move out. I wanna stay with my mommy foweveh," as she threw her arms around me. It was the most precious moment. I told her she will always be my little girl, even when she's all grown up. Moments like that make the not-so-fun times so worth it.

And now for the story of the walking man and his book. Yes, that's right. He walks, every day, past our house, while reading a book. Face buried right in the thing. I don't know how he manages it. Today, as he passed by, Sparky (the family dog) decides to go out to him, barking. I call for the dog, dog doesn't listen. I yell out to walking book man that the dog won't bite, while Jeremy walks toward road to collect dog. The man takes a few steps past the dog without so much as flinching...then he turns around in a fluid like movement, walks to the dog, all the while his face buried in the book. He removes the book from his face and leans down a bit to let Sparky sniff him, then he pets the dog and picks the book back up to his nose and continues on his way, smooth as silk. It was almost unbelievable to watch. It was strange. Very strange. As Jeremy comes back up to the porch, I say, "I have no idea how he does that; I would lose my place." To which Jeremy replies, "In the book or on the road?" Smart ass. "Both!" was my response. I can never help but watch this guy as he walks by every day. It amazes and baffles me all at the same time.

I am eager to get back to school, despite having no idea how i will actually get there. But, i washed my book bag today (that thing is well over 10 yrs old..i dare say closer to 15 yrs old). It has held up like no other, so I continue to use it. But, thought it could use a run through the wash cycle. I just finished filling it with my pens, pencils, sharpener, some notebooks, folders and other odds and ends. I am ready! Well, I need to go get my books first. I haven't done that yet. It takes a vehicle, which I don't have. So, there is a slight problem. Perhaps I can manage to get down there one day this week. Not that there are many days left in this week.

I had a great laugh session with the hubby tonight that has really helped fight the blahs. WE laughed so hard at each other I thought I would pee in my pants. It feels good to do that. Of course, we had the absolute pleasure of having a couple hours here with just the four of us. The kids played nicely in the toy room and Jeremy and I laughed til our sides hurt.

Well, I guess I have rambled enough for one night. Oh oh, before I go..i am so excited. My mom brought home a Norton 360 disc. She bought it today while she was out with my aunt. I will no longer have to worry about viruses, hackers, trojans, whatever. Of course, went to install it and the program won't open so i have to tech support in the morning to see if we can get it figured out. But, i am closer to protection now. I also found out (ok hubby found out) from my brother in law that we can install our old hard drive on this computer, use it as a slave drive (sounds so kind doesn't it...geesh) and still have access to our music files, photos, etc. I am very happy about that. And having this virus protection will clean up and prevent any of the problems from the old hard drive. ok, enough tech talk...good night

Why the foul language?

Yeah, im posting twice today. We had bunco tonight. Everyone knows how much I look forward to that. But, lately, it has been a bit rough. One of the ladies who plays has a foul mouth. She says the F word every other word and oh my, my ears want to bleed. Then, the past few months we have had a sub and she is the same way...cusses like a foul parrot. Now, don't get me wrong, I drop the F bomb from time to time. But, I do not say it in a group of people, especially when I don't know the other people on a very personal level. I also don't say it around people when I know it would totally offend them. I don't say it in public. I have some restraint. But, these two apparently have no filter whatsoever. Add to that the fact that they have to drink all the time. We never used to have alcohol at bunco. It's not necessary. But there are a few who have joined and they just can't go a day/night without drinking. Wowzers, tonight was crazy. And I lost, so that stinks too. But, it was nice to get out of the house. And I took the time to do my hair and makeup and I wore my new shirt mom and dad got me for my bday, paired with a necklace I had bought from a Lia Sophia Jewelry party. I received so many compliments. It felt good to be so put together. I don't do that very often. Made me feel better though. So, spirits are higher tonight than they were earlier. Hopefully tomorrow will be an even better day! It will!

FInally

Well, my computer finally crashed. I now am using my mother-in-law's old tower, so I can get online. I miss all the things I had on my computer, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Let's see, so much has gone on since I last posted. The first thing....RALPH WON THE PRIMARY ELECTION. This means he will be on the ballot, facing off with the incumbant state rep for our district. This leg of the journey is going to be a lot more hectic. We have to really get out there, get people's votes. A few key things will help. One, people are ready for change. Two, our current state rep isn't out there...people don't know much if anything about him. Three, Ralph's platform appeals to both sides of the political fence. Four, he is an every day joe, wanting to make changes. So, here's to a successful General election!

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 28. The day went quite well. Mom took me out to lunch then we went shopping and I got a couple shirts. We came home, my mother in law dropped the kids off and they had made me cards. Then my sister and Ralph came over, made dinner and we visited. The night before my bday, my brother made me pizza and had cake and ice cream for me. So, it was a nice day. Today is making up for it though. Sebastian has been a whine butt since he woke up this morning. I am at my wit's end with the boy. It doesn't help that my nerves are fried lately. The weight of not having a car is pulling me down quick fast and in a hurry. I feel so trapped, it sometimes takes my breath right away. I feel like a kid who has to ask permission for anything I want to do. I can't just run to the store to get something we need. I have to wait for dad to get home, ask to use the car, usually explain myself, mom comes up with a different option and I am just beside myself. I have cried myself to sleep a few different nights. I know this is all temporary but right now, it feels like pure hell. My patience have dwindled and we need our own place now. Jeremy is still hell bent on the tennessee idea. I don't see how it's feasible right now. We can't stand on our own two feet right now and that has to come before a big move like that. Not to mention, we can get out of here a hell of a lot faster if we stay in MI. Moving to tn will require more money and resources and therefore take a lot longer.

I could write an entire blog on the frustrations as of late. I probably need to. Because bottling them up is leaving me a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It's also making me physically ill. My body aches from head to toe, it hurts to get out of bed in the morning and I know that it all boils down to the stress I am under. It's coming out in physical form. So, for the sake of my sanity, I think I will vent for a bit. Please feel free to skip this section, if you wish. It may very well seem whiney, boring and even a tad angry. But, 'tis my blog and therapy it is.

Frustration one: My dad is on a holy roller kick. Great for him. I am glad that he has reconnected with the Lord and is very involved in church. We were raised in church, going every Sunday twice a day and every wednesday. Then, as we got older, everyone back-slid. There were periods in which us kids would go to church on the church bus, but dad hasn't gone in quite in some time. In all the meantime, I have been saved. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I believe that He died on the cross to pay for my sins. I believe that He rose again and I believe that He will come back for us. I have conversations with Him, I have faith. I realize that all the beauty around me is because of Him. When I see a rainbow, I am reminded of His promise. When I see flowers bloom, I am reminded of His Glory. When I suffer, I know He is with me. I am not a perfect person and I am not free from sin. I probably don't walk as straight and narrow as I could. But, I know, in my heart, that should I die right now, I will be welcomed into heaven to spend the rest of eternity with my Maker. So, why does Dad's "preachin" get to me? Because he is getting worse and worse about finding every little crack and cranny to shove religion down everyone's throat. I don't like that method. I feel that religion is a personal thing and it's btwn each individual and God. I also feel that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and that doesn't make either of us wrong. Last night, my sister was getting frustrated, she had had a bad day and we were trying to play cards and just everything was chaotic. Dad's answer: It's satan trying to pull you back because you were on your prayer bones (she and Ralph had gone to Church Sunday). Ok, so it probably was the devil trying to interfere. But she is frustrated almost to tears and he goes on and on about God this and Satan that and you should do this and you shouldn't do that to the point she was ready to explode. How does that help anyone? She ended up muttering, "you are frustrating me...". I am happy for him that he has found God again. But, for me, God has always been there. Just because I'm not seating in a pew at the church doesn't mean that I have forgotten God. I don't want religion crammed down my throat though. I honestly feel that the people who do that are the ones who turn people away from religion. They do more harm than good. I think that by living the Word and doing what's right, it points people in the right direction. They can see the Glory of God working in you and that will encourage them. Pushing them only results in resistance coming back at you. I have issues with the organized religion. It seems (and I have often felt) that churches promote or create a sense of holier than thou attitude. You go to church, you are preached at about the wrong-doings of others, the fire and brimstone, judge judge judge. NO. I disagree with that. If Suzie wants to believe otherwise, that is her right, perogative. People who don't believe in God don't have to be evil. They can be civil, upright citizens. They just choose not to believe the same way I do and I am ok with that. Ok, end rant one.

The other stressor: MY mom. God love her. She tries. But she is the most negative person I have ever met in my entire life. She lives her life in absolutes so unwilling to see between the lines or in shades of gray. I don't think she even realizes this but she is constantly calling for a pity party..."everything I do turns out wrong..im just gonna quit ____..." For the love of God, please pick yourself up by the bootstraps woman and realize that when one thing goes wrong, it's not the world against you. It's just a bump in the road of life and life will go on. Trust me. I am living it. I have lots of bumps. But, I know that the bumps I have are my own fault, my own choices and nobody else to blame. Even now as I am stressed to the max, I still know there are better times ahead, things will improve and that my lack of patience is one of my biggest enemies. Over the weekend, she had me frustrated to the point of tears. I can't even begin to explain it. We had a volunteer appreciation party for the people who have helped this far with Ralph's campaign. I went to move a roaster over to the buffet table and had to stop short because Sebastian was in my way. The sudden stop caused the lid to come up a bit and i was burned quite badly on my hand from water/steam. I set it down and one lady gave me her bottle of cold water to put on it. My sister and I go outside to splash the water on it (the place we were at didn't have a sink) and i start crying. She asked if i was crying bc of the burn or bc of frustration with mom. I told her it was the frustration. I can't take much more of it. Her insecurities, constantly needing validation, feeling sorry for herself, negativity, absoluteness. It's just too much. It brings me down. And since Aunt Helen has passed and mom is no longer working, i deal with it 24/7. And have no car to get the hell out of here for a moment's reprieve. I love her, she has a lot of great qualities. She is a great person, just have to get past the grit. Just being able to escape here and write on this blog is helping tremendously. I can feel the weight lifting.

Gripe three: have i mentioned yet that i am trapped???? I am. It sucks. and we live out in the sticks so walking to anywhere, other than the next road that leads to nowhere, is out of the question.

ANd on to better things....

I got registered for class...in fact, it was the very last thing I was able to do on my computer before it crashed...was look up the classes and devise a schedule that would work for me. THen I went to the campus the next day (after my dad got home from work) and made it all official. I go monday thru thursday....once a day, except on Wednesdays, when I have two classes. I can't wait for classes to start. I need the break. And speaking of school starting, Makenneh starts kindergarten on the 25th. Sebastian is supposed to start headstart after Labor day, but he wants nothing to do with potty training yet, so it looks like he may be stuck home another year with mom. I have been working hard with him the past week or so and he just won't do it. We have even taken away the privelage of video games until he potty trains (we did this quite awhile ago). he still won't do it. I am out of ambition. I figure he will be in diapers until high school graduation. the only time he wants to use the potty is at night, after he has been put down for bed. Miraculously, it is then that he can read the cues to need to go to potty and then want to use the toilet. Almost every night. But, the rest of the time, forget it. ANd I know he is using it as a tool to get out of going to bed (delay bedtime) but at the same time, hard to tell him no when the rest of the time, i am begging him to use the potty. Ugh. 5 yrs of diapers..i am ready to be done with them.

Well, while I was in here typing this, Sebastian snuck out to uncover the tractor, so i need to go take care of that issue. It's always something. I can't wait to have my own place, so i can relax. Here, i am on constant go.

Another day at the zoo

Yes, we went to the zoo again today. A different one today. And I have already uploaded the pictures, aren't you so proud? LOL. It worked out that Jeremy was able to go as well, because unfortunately, his boss's father passed away and the funeral was today, so he gave all the guys the day off with pay. Highly unheard of in this company, but I guess every scrooge has a soft spot. Anyway, so Jeremy was able to go with us, so it was me, him, my mom, my sister and Makenneh and Sebastian. Of course, it was hot as hell today with more humidity than I care to experience. But, we survived it. The kids were excellent. And as we were surrounded by whiny, fit-throwing children, I had to feel a bit of a sense of pride and luck that it wasn't my children. They were troopers. I have no idea why the pictures post so small..anyone know how to change that?


Here's a pic of the four of us at the Fossil Find....

Sebastian playing peek-a-boo around the tree. He is one handsome devil, even if I do say so myself.

Makenneh always wants to ride a carousal, but she is always deathly afraid once the thing starts moving...she will hang on for dear live with a look of shear horror on her face.



Sebastian opted for the seat....
Here's one of the Kangaroos in the outback habitat. It's neat because you get to walk right through there, with nothing but a rope separating you from the kangaroos. Too bad they were laying down off near the corner. I think it would be cool to have a kangaroo hopping around near the pathway.
Aunt Carrie and Makenneh petting the cow at the petting zoo part...Sebastian had actually reached up and petted the cow first, but the camera wasn't ready. Grandma!!!

The kids sitting on the steps at the Fossil Find. I tried to resize this one within the post but it made it rather distorted looking.


We all had a great time and while there aren't a lot of animals at this zoo, there are plenty of things to do and it makes for a very affordable (can you say $3.50 each) day out.

On this same photo card were the pics from my mom's cousin's wedding, which took place this past weekend. My mom did the flowers and they were absolutely gorgeous, so I decided I had to share them. She has such amazing talents and we have tried to convince her to start her own business...she fears failure, I guess. But, with this kind of talent, I don't think failure is even a possibility.
Well, I suppose that's a wrap for tonight. I need to get some sleep eventually.

LIons and Tigers and Bears

And it wasn't at the Circus. Mom took the kids and I to the Wilderness Trails Zoo today. It's local and kinda small, but was a very nice outing. Despite mom having a migraine, me having cramps like that of labor pains and the scattered showers, it was a nice trip. The kids loved seeing the animals. We didn't take many pictures, though. We got to see camels and lions, bears, river otters (which are amazing to watch swim around and play), cougar, foxes, monkeys, and more. Oh and a black swan. So beautiful! But this zoo is small and the habitats are kinda sad. I much prefer the larger zoos where animals have much more room and much more of a natural habitat. But, this one is closer to home. Next week we may venture to the Saginaw Children's Zoo. It's larger (though not as large as the Detroit Zoo) and has a lot of nice things. And it's cheaper than the Wilderness Trials. Go figure. And on Tuesdays, they offer half price admission. So, what a deal. IT will cost $3.50 each. Then, if we want to ride the train, it's 2.00 each. Today's trip was kinda last minute and we weren't sure we were even going to go when mom woke up with a severe headache. But, we decided to give it a go. We are down to one vehicle for the household, so have to make hay while the sun shines. They have a petting area at this zoo and Sebastian was real hesitant to touch most of the animals. But, he spotted the turtle and was fascinated. He didn't want to leave the turtle. I think that and the otter was his favorite. He wanted in the cage with the otter. Makenneh just loved all of it, probably the birds and the big cats the best. It was fun to watch them run ahead with excitement as they looked at the animals. They each got a peacock feather to bring home. They collect them from the peacocks and then sell them in the gift shop for fifty cents. They are so pretty, hard to resist. The kids (and the cat) love them.

We let my cousin Desiree stay the night tonight. Makenneh just adores her. Well, we aren't going to let anyone stay on a weeknight again. It is too hard to keep the kids quiet while my dad and Jeremy are sleeping. Jeremy isn't a worry so much because once he gets to sleep, he sleeps through just about anything. But my dad is a different story. And he is a bear if he gets woke up. So, after the craziness of tonight, I have decided not to do this again with younger kids. I say younger, but Des is 12. And it's not so much that she is loud, it's that Makenneh is loud, doesn't want to go to bed, and then the whole, 3s a crowd issue. The neighbor girl who usually plays very well with Makenneh, was over and there was a bunch of girly whines, drama, etc. Blah. Of course, it doesn't help that I am just irritable and moody with PMS.

Well, I am fighting to stay awake, so that's my cue to cut this off and head to bed.

Stopping In

Yeah, I know, my blogging has been quite sporadic lately. Since moving to my parents', I have just gotten out of my routine. Not to mention, I can't as easily say let the housework slide and do it tomorrow so i can blog/chat/email. It's not my home, so I need to stay on top of everything more than I was. So, it's a blessing in disguise.

********warning: The following part contains talk of miscarriage. If you wish to pass over this, please scroll down to the next set of *** marks***************

I may have posted about my cousin being pregnant. It's been so long, I don't recall. Anyway, she had found out she was pregnant about a month or so ago. She was very excited. We were all a bit reluctant at the excitement because, well, she is 19 yrs old, living with her dad and it just didn't seem like a good time. Not that the rest of us waited on that right time, but having been there, done that, we know that it isn't all that fun. Anyway, we were happy for her because she was happy. She and her boyfriend had been "not trying to prevent" it for some time bc she would like to have a baby before she loses her dad (my uncle). Not that he is terminally ill or anything at this point. But, he does take very poor care of himself, he has had health problems in the past and we think he has some more things going on but he hasn't/won't go into the doctor to get things checked out. Anyway, boy, I sure can get off track. You poor readers must get headaches trying to keep up with my train of thought. Back to the story. So, my cousin, Sarah, had a positive pregnancy test. It was a shock because she had to have one of her ovaries removed when she was 13 yrs old due to a tumor. The other ovary isn't in the best of shape. So, she has had a rough way to go as far as her reproductive system goes. (this also contributing to her desire to have a baby). Well, she went to the OB/GYN on Tuesday last week and he couldn't find the heartbeat. He told her not to stress out too badly because it could be that she was still too early (although she was 11 wks) or that she had a tilted uterus. He ordered an ultrasound STAT and she went Thursday for that. She called me sobbing and I knew immediately what they found out. She had lost the baby. The saddest part is that when the ultrasound (US) tech first started the us, Sarah and Shane were able to see the baby on the monitor. Their excitement began to grow. Then, the tech said she would be right back and brought in the other doctor who works in that office. And that's when it was confirmed that the baby had died. So, she had to go back into her own OB the next morning. The poor girl refused to pee all night because she couldn't bear the thought of passing her baby in the toilet. The next morning they met with the OB and they all decided it best to do the D&C. They estimate that the baby had died around 9wks gestation and she was about 12 weeks at this point. He did tell her that her uterus and cervix look good and that she could go on to have healthy pregnancies after this. I hope, for her sake, that she is. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that they should wait and that they aren't ready for a child (which i truly feel) but I am saying that from this side of the fence. I have two healthy, beautiful children and had 2 healthy, successful, easy pregnancies. I have never had to face the devastation of a miscarriage and for that I am thankful. I can feel the heartbreak for Shane and Sarah. They were both so excited to be pregnant and couldn't wait for baby's arrival. And to have that ripped away from you has to be horrible. When she called crying I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that all the cliche things that people say are often the worst things to say. I spared her all the "it was meant to be" and all those other mindless sentiments. Instead, btwn tears of my own, I told her honestly that I didn't know what to say and that I was soo sorry. I was pleased to learn that the doctor was interested in her healing physically and emotionally. It seems that oftentimes, doctors focus on the physical and forget that there is an emotional side to such things. He was amazing in the way he handled the whole situation. So, thoughts and prayers for Sarah and Shane are very welcomed right now. For Sarah, both physically and emotionally. They sedated her for the D&C and she was in a lot of pain. She lost a lot of blood during the surgery and still looks very pale.


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I bought Makenneh's backpack last night. They had Hannah Montana ones for $10 at walmart. Couldn't pass the deal up. Now I just have to find Spongebob for Sebastian.

Still up in the air as far as the move to TN. Of course, it doesn't help that our car died. The transmission is gone now. We don't have the money to do anything about it right now, so it puts us that much further back. I am beginning to feel a bit of defeat all the way around, but I refuse to succumb to that thought. I have battled my depression this far and I won't give in now. Everything will work out somehow, someway. Of course, the timing for everything is just horrible. Everything is in limbo and I don't know if I should plan for being here or there or what. I will need to be signing up for classes very soon, Makenneh starts Kindergarten the end of next month, Sebastian starts preK. I have decided to just go forward with all those plans and if the move comes together, we move. But, this way, we have a plan A and B. I have mixed feelings about the move. I see it as a possible fresh start for us, but I also see it as reckless. It would be different if he had a job to transfer down there and/or we had family down there, but neither is the case. And this economy is so scary and fragile right now. The powers that be won't admit we are in recession/depression, but many people believe we are and will continue to feel the effects of it. So, my mind plays on all the "what ifs". At the same time, I think the "what ifs" of staying here. His aunt has been working on Jeremy's records and such and has sent them to an attorney. I suppose if something positive comes of that, it would be helpful. I just don't currently see an end in sight to his situation, short of moving. We do not have the money to fight a legal battle to prove what we already know - that he is a decent person deserving of a license that would greatly increase his ability to provide for his family and be more self-sufficient. We know that. Anyone who knows Jeremy knows that. But getting the powers to be to see that costs lots of money that we don't have. Getting his license would be a great burden lifted from our shoulders. He could drive to and from work without fear of going to jail. And that would be a huge relief.

Well, just thinking about all of it has brought forth anxiety, so new topic. The Community Baby Shower project that I am volunteering with is going well. The event will be held August 16 and we ended up with 27 women to help. Everyone will be going home with a bunch of stuff. Unfortunately, we don't have enough of each item for everyone, so we will do an auction of sorts to be as fair as possible. The auction will of course involve tickets that we provide them with rather than money. But, everyone will go home with a diaper bag stuffed with a bunch of goodies, a stroller, blankets, clothes, carseat. Most will get a crib or cradle and then we have limited supplies of most other baby items. I wish that we could get more donations, but it is so difficult without having a 501(c) (non-profit number). If we had that, we would be able to raise money easier and also collect more donations from businesses and such. But, the process to apply for one of them is long and I hear costly. We will probably have to try it if we are make this an annual event, as we hope. Even though I am unsure where I will be in a year, I would love to see this become a yearly thing and have it grow to service more people. It's great to be a part of something that is going to be so beneficial to people in need. The event is being organized just like a babyshower. We will have games and prizes and food and fun and gifts for everyone.

Well, on that positive note, I am going to wrap it up here. I want to cruise around the internet a bit before heading to bed. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

"I've had a good life"

I am sure that I have mentioned that my sister and her husband take care of his Aunt Helen. Well, she started going downhill (or really, i guess, it's uphill if you believe in heaven/eternal life). Yesterday, Carrie called to have mom come over because she was certain Aunt Helen was going. She had no control over her bowels, was in bad pain, mumbling and her eyes were glazed over. I took mom over there and the nurse was called out. Aunt Helen is on Hospice, so no ambulances and hospital trips. The nurse arrived and said she very well could be going into "active passing". As we were standing around her bed, she says with much clarity, "I've had a good life." I wanted to cry. I started to cry. But, later in the day, I got to thinking. This woman is 90 years old. She is laying in a hospital bed in her nephew's home. She is wearing an adult diaper, unable to move to get comfortable, in extreme pain. And she is able to say, "I've had a good life." She lost her only child, a son, when he was in his 20s, due to health problems (I think he had cystic fibrosis) and she lost her husband some 15 yrs ago, i think. The only family she seems to have is her nieces and nephews. But, she could say on her death bed, "I've had a good life." Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. Being around Aunt Helen was like having my grandma back. They have the same name Helen (and even the same last name) and their birthdays were just a day apart. My grandma's was may 3, Aunt Helen's may 4. They both liked their tea with milk (not too common around this area) and they both had hands that were soft as velvet. As I sat in the living room at my sister's, I heard the nurse calling in the meds and say, "last name, Helen" and i got teary eyed. For a moment, I drifted back in time. A time when it was a different Helen W. who was on hospice. A different Helen who was sick and fragile. My grandma. After the nurse did all her stuff, she came out to give us instructions on her meds. She asked if someone could pick the meds up from the pharmacy. she had to call them into a different pharmacy, 20 mins away because of the liquid morphine and being on hospice. I volunteered, knowing that my sister didn't want to be driving anywhere. It felt strange to tell the tech that I needed to pick up prescriptions for Helen Samelastnameasmylategrandma. I walked out of the pharmacy with tears stinging my eyes.

This morning, my mom was set to go over to my sister's to take care of Aunt Helen (because that's her job now) and the phone rang. It was my sister. She wanted mom to come right away because Aunt Helen had passed. Sometime this morning after Ralph left for work and before Carrie woke up, Aunt Helen passed. She is finally free of the pain she was in. She would just cry and moan anytime she had to be moved and most times even when she wasn't being moved.
May Aunt Helen rest in peace. I know she is back with her husband and son and their family is complete once again.

And from the mouth's of babes: Makenneh was asking about Aunt Helen this morning. This girl seems have some sort of intuition or something. She always seems to just "know" the things to bring up. I told her that Aunt Helen went to heaven this morning.
Makenneh: Today?
me: Yes, today.
Her: Did aunt Carrie bury her in her yard?
Me: No, honey, we don't bury people in our yards. We have a funeral for them. And remember when we went to see where my grandma and grandpa were buried?
Her: yes.
Me: ok, that's where we bury people. It's called a cemetary.
Her: OH!
And off she went back to playing. They just seem to accept life for what it is.

I have so much to blog about because I haven't really posted in a bit. ANd the one time I did, i didn't have the emotional energy to talk (type) about it. Not that I feel great today, but I am here, and already talking about emotionally charged topics.

On friday, the 4th of July, I sent Jeremy up to the park we just moved from to pick up my cousin (her gma lives in there). It is 2 miles up the road. We were busy getting things ready for a picnic at my brothers. Well, I was outside getting the cooler so i could pack our pop and stuff. My mom comes out, near frantic with the phone. She said it was jeremy and they were gonna take him to jail. My head started spinning. I get the phone, can barely understand him because my cell phone doesn't get good reception there. All I heard was something about the proof of insurance was expired. I hung up and mom grabbed her keys, we dug around trying to find the current proof (which is on my mom's policy and she is always anal retentive about keeping up to date). Couldn't find it. Everything had said expired 5/14/08. I holler to my dad to keep an eye on the kids and we go. Get there and tell the officer that it has insurance but we can't find it. THink it's at home in the letter rack. He said to go ahead and run home for it. I wanted to stay with Jeremy and get in the car. He tells me i can't. Made me go with my mom. So, i do. We come home, can't find any. F ind the bill, where it appeared it hadn't been paid. Mom doesn't want to drive her car back up there, because well, it must not have insurance. Seh runs next door and asks my dad's neice who lives there if she would run us back up there. She does. When we get there, there is another police car and the tow truck. They were impounding my car and had my husband in the back seat of the cop car. HE doesn't have a license. So, I was shaking from head to toe and just wanted to collapse. I had to clean all our stuff out of the car and set it on the sidewalk. The cop implied he wasn't taking Jeremy to jail and that was a huge relief but I wasn't believing him until he let him out of that damn car. When he let him go, i thanked him. He said that he can see JEremy is a good guy and that's why he was letting him go. So, i had to pay $253 to get my car out on Monday. I don't care about that, because it is nothing compared to the price of him going to jail. But, the whole event put a damper on our 4th of July celebration. Jeremy didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave him home alone. He was so upset. So, i sent the kids with my mom so they wouldn't miss the fireworks and festivities and i stayed here with him. My cousin Stephanie was here, too. We had a little bonfire, watched the neighbor's fireworks, laid under the stars. But, anyway, im off track. Mostly because I am trying to give the abbreviated version. Anyway, after the whole police thing, Jeremy said he wants out of MI. We have been trying to get his license forever. It is next to impossible. Meanwhile, it is not feasible for him to NEVER drive, if he is to work. I am sure I have said why he doesn't have one, he never has. Bc when he was 15, he took his parents' van out and was pulled over. They revoked it at that time and then he had gotten into trouble before he turned 18 and was incarcerated when he should've had it back. I know it sounds like he is a horrible person and to some, it may seem that way. It isn't that. He was stupid and irresponsible as a teenager and he paid his debt to society. Oh how he has paid. WE continue to pay that debt today. Our kids continue to pay that debt. So, he has wanted to leave state since before we met. I always put him off because the thought of leaving my family made me ill. But, the truth is, in the past few years, the extended family has fallen apart, the economy in MI is horrible. There are no jobs, the unemployment is quite a bit higher than the national average and there isn't much here. So, I finally decided that it is time to move out of state. WE are looking at places and jobs in TN. It isn't a matter of IF we go, but WHEN. We would like to do it before school starts back up. I have sent his resume to jobs down there and he has already received replies of interest. We have a lot of things to work out, as far as how we will get down there, whether or not to take all our stuff, or just some and mostly start over, etc. My aunt and uncle are planning to go down there in Aug to check on a job lead my uncle has. We have mentioned riding with them. IF they let us, that would be our best, most inexpensive route. I am praying they let us. Plus, they are taking their 5th wheel, which means we wouldn't have to find hotels or something....we could just focus on getting a place, job, etc. i am amazed at how completely content and almost excited I am at this prospect. I have barely been out of MI on vacation, much less to live. I have lived in the same county my entire life. Please keep thoughts and prayers for us that this will all work out. We are hoping that by going down there, he will be able to get a license. His has never been "suspended" he simply has NEVER had one. It just may be the fresh start he has needed. I know that just since I agreed to go out of state, he has changed so much. He isn't so bogged down and stressed and frazzled. In return, he has been far more attentive, happy and peaceful. That's how I know this move is the right decision. So, if anyone has any info on TN, please feel free to email at masehow4@yahoo.com. I would love to know more.

I am going to finish my rounds on here and start on housework.....