A bit of sun and some...irony?

Today was our Family Memorial Day Picnic. I always look forward to it, every year. It's at the local park and we get to see family we don't see often. The weather was beautiful, even though it was a bit hot for comfort. But no rain, no high wind, no cold temps. Just lots of sunshine, an occasional breeze, family, food, fun and conversation. We came home and sat at the patio table, in the shade and just relaxed. Until the mosquitoes invaded. Overall it was a great day.

Then, I had to take Makenneh's medicine to my sister's house because she went home with her tonight. On my way home, I stopped at Walmart, because dad wanted some sherbert. In the checkout line, I noticed the cashier had a tattoo wrapped around her bicep. It was kinda big and lots of words. I was curious. When it was my turn, I able to read it....the center was a circle with the work Karma written on the top and bottom of the circle (kinda forming the circle actually). Around her bicep was the words: What goes around comes around. I wasn't a fan of the tattoo but I like the saying. It certainly seems true in a lot of instances....goes along with: You reap what you sow. Well, as I was leaving the store, I notice a familiar figure off to my left. I could only see her backside and took a second look to see if it was indeed someone I knew. As she turned and the man with her entered into my line of vision, Why I almost wanted to vomit. Or run. Or scream. Or begin pounding on them. I just looked away and pushed my cart much faster. I realized that I had had every intention of leaving the cart in the store, as I only had two bags. However, upon the sight of them two, my brain froze and I just sped up my exit. My heart began hammering, my stomach knotted, and tears began stinging my eyes. And who do you wonder, could cause such reaction? A despicable man I once knew. The wretched man my Aunt Dawn called husband. The man so undeserving of such a title. I hate when our paths cross. The sight of him angers me, sickens me, saddens me. I wish I had the nerve to confront him on such an occasion. Although, it's probably best that I don't. However, I do believe that should he ever try to talk to me, I will be far less than polite. And I may start spewing off at the mouth very unpretty things. But, things that stay bottled inside me, that resurface every time I see him or hear his name. I got home from the store and went to my facebook. I began to write something about my little encounter and then I recalled the cashier's tattoo. Funny how life works. I thought, yes, Karma. What goes around truly does come around. And so therefore, I will pray for you. And I did. Maybe not the most generous prayer, but not an evil one either, as tempting as it is. After all, what do you pray for a man who most likely caused his wife's untimely death, who more or less disowned his own daughter, all for the sake of another woman and her brood of children? Karma: What goes around, comes around...

I am loving these beautiful nights. All but the pesky mosquitoes. If not for them, I could sit out there all night. It's peaceful, the nightlife is singing their chorus, and it's cool, not so humid. Pleasure.

Makenneh's last day of school is the 16th, Seb's is the 3rd. And we are counting down days until our camping trip June 24-29th. I haven't been camping since Makenneh was Libby's age. And we have never gone as a family. Jeremy wasn't able to go that time because of work. I am looking forward to it and hope everything goes well. Jeremy doesn't like the camping in crowded campground (he grew up camping on state land, rustic and all), Dad get's testy when it's time to prepare/load up and head out for an adventure and then again when it's set up time and take down time and sometimes in between. Mom likes to hang out at the beach and dad prefers the shade of the campsite; mom likes to go out sight-seeing, dad likes to stay at camp site. Mom gets huffy because dad doesn't want to do those things. Dad gets mad because mom gets huffy. Carrie and Sara are both pregnant, as is my cousin Rachel, who is supposed to also go. So, 3 preggo ladies in the hot summer sun with raging hormones. Gee, the more I think about it, maybe I do want to stay home. LOL. NO, we will give it a whirl and hopefully everyone brings along their best attitudes.

Water Worms....no not a nasty slimy kind of parasite but a water toy. My mother in law gave SEbastian one today that she had bought at a charity auction a couple years ago. The thing was absolutely neat. Even dad had fun with it. However, it only lasted about 20 mins before Jeremy tried overfilling it and popping the bladder inside it, rendering it useless. Sebastian cried. I googled water worms and only found one site with the right thing....for 9.00 plus s&h. Mother in law only paid $1 for the thing.

Well, I am off here now to try to get some sleep. We are having some family over tomorrow for a cookout and hopefully the rain holds off. Hope everyone is having a safe and happy Memorial Weekend and please remember the reason we celebrate such a day...to honor those who have sacrificed their lives so that we may enjoy the many freedoms we have. Speaking of which, while at the family picnic today, one of my uncles brought a paper about a distant family member who had served during one of the wars. He received a medal and the one thing that stuck out was that he enlisted in June and died in Aug. Two months. He was a medic and his plane was shot down. Two months. That is just crazy.

I made it here

I made it here, finally! Feeling a tad frustrated. I had every plan to continue my education. I still do. However, I desperately want to get our own place...so much so that a cardboard box under the overpass is sounding more and more inviting. So, I thought I would apply for some jobs. With a job, we could rent my sister's house for a year while saving up to move to GA. I would enroll at GSU and go until I had that mighty Masters degree. The job hunt-not going so well. Then, I get a letter in the mail from Mott Comm College that I am no longer eligible for Financial Aid because I have earned 93 credits. First off, my transcript only shows 87. Gotta call and check on that. Then, will this effect my overall financial aid eligibility or just at mott? Don't know...something else to find out. I received letter from SVSU regarding cost of attending vs financial aid/student loans and it appears to my untrained eye that I am still about $8k short a year. Don't know how that could be unless there is some issue with financial aid. If that be the case,I will not be able to go back to college as there is no way in hell i can afford that. I am lucky to afford the gas to get me there and back. All this has my overwhelmed and quite frankly, depressed. I have to keep fighting the urge to stick my head in the sand. I have come too damn far to just give up that easily. Without at least a bachelors degree, all this hard work is almost useless. Most jobs require bsw minimum. Most actually want the MSW. I told Jeremy the other day that we just need a break, somewhere, somehow. Something has to give for us.

Add to this stress.....my baby sister is LEAVING in about 2 months. And taking with her my niece and another niece still in the oven. I try not to even think about it, but the truth is, just writing it is making cry. I am soooo happy for her but that selfish part of me doesn't want her to go. I know she has to and I would do the same if I were in her shoes. But she is my sister, my friend, and so much a part of my everyday life. Well, enough of that....gotta dry those tears up.