Thursday, October 30, 2008

The time has come

I can no longer take classes at the local campus but must go to the main campus for all classes. It stinks. The local extension campus is only offering 1 social work class for winter semester and I have already taken it. I have a tentative winter schedule down and it will be Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11am until 3:55pm, three different classes in that time, with five minutes between classes. Then, on Wednesday, I have the Agency Experience class from 2-2:55pm. This is the class where I have to do part of my internship. We have to complete 50 hours with a local agency in the course of the semester. The class actually only meets about 4 times throughout the semester, which is nice, seems how it is only an hour long and I have to drive all the way to main campus. It really isn't super far (about 20 mins) but it's just the horrid parking, mostly. I also plan to take a computer course (to fulfill the general ed requirements) as an open entry/open exit class, so that I can work at my own pace (fast) and finish ahead of schedule. My plan with that is to bust my butt and get it all done by midterms. That way, I don't have to worry about that class for the second half of the semester. Then, one of my classes for tue/thurs is only a first half semester class, so by midterms, I will be done with that class as well and will just have 3 classes to do for the rest of the semester. Hopefully it isn't too much. I want to get this done and over with already. I need to call and make an appointment with my advisor to see what he suggests and to get my transfer lined up so I know what I need to do. I am trying to wait it out until I get my student loan and have my own car, so I can actually make it to the appointment.

So, yes, I am STILL waiting on that loan. It is so frustrating, because the money is there, at the college, just waiting for them to cut the check and mail it to me. Meanwhile, i continue to struggle with getting rides to and from my classes and most days, I end up frustrated and in tears. My one teacher told me the other night, as I came to class totally down and exacberated, that I am just tired of trying to get rides, stressing over how to get to class and I am just tired. She told me that she admires me for sticking with it. I appreciate her thoughts and truthfully, I admire myself for sticking with it, because many times, I have had fleeting thoughts of throwing in the towel. It would be so much easier in the short run, to just give up. I wouldn't have to worry bout rides and getting papers printed and all that stuff. But, to suffer now is to gain greatly later. The payoff will be grand. I have to just keep focused on the big picture, on the long run. Thomas Edison didn't give up the first time he failed or struggled, he kept on. I must keep on, too. And I know that self-pity will get me know where, but I can't help but wonder, why me, just sometimes. I know the answer to some degree....i was never motivated before to make short term sacrafices for long term gain. I have paid the price for that lack of ambition. Now, I must push forward, harder than ever, to get through this and get my life back on track. Do I feel a twinge of envy when I see people whose lives seem so simple and everything seems to just fall into place for them? Maybe a small bit. But, I also realize that for every person who seems to have life easy, there are plenty who feel that my life is easy, because they have so much less and so much more struggle. I also don't feel that envy when the easy life seems to be a result of that person's hard work and dedication. Ok, then I just envy their drive, because I so lack it most of the time. But, I also admire it.

We are winding down the campaign efforts...well, no winding down, the time is winding down. We are meeting this saturday, for the last time as a group, to distribute flyers and yard signs. We just got in our new signs the other day....100 yard signs and 10 large signs. I had to work on an ad for local newspapers and well, that just isn't my thing. I am limited in knowledge in that area. Thankfully you can submit the picture, the points you want the ad to say and they can do the rest. Otherwise, we would be really pressed for time. One thing I have learned about the media is they aren't too generous with notices. They will email us on a Monday and want answers to 12 questions by wednesday. It's crazy. Sometimes, you get a day's notice. Do they think that we all have nothing to do but work full time, round the clock on campaigns? Thankfully, they are almost equally as generous with extending deadlines.

Makenneh lost her very first baby tooth the night before last. I was kinda bummed because I was in class when she lost it, they were all in bed when I got home and when I woke up the next morning, Jeremy called me in the computer room to show me her tooth. He had already done the tooth fairy visit and all. My mom wasn't home the night she lost her tooth either and didn't know til that next morning....when we told her, she asked if we had a gold dollar to put under her pillow. We didn't. So, she got one for us to put under there. So, Makenneh ended up with a regular dollar and a gold dollar. She deposited the bill into her savings account (with her other 4.09 she has been hoarding in her change purse). She was so excited that the tooth fairy came nad left her money, especially the gold coin. She thinks that is just the greatest thing. Her adult tooth was already coming in (that's what pushed the baby tooth out) so she doesn't really have a toothless grin. She has been in great spirits lately and has been far more loving and well behaved than she has been naughty. It is a blessing. I don't know what has accounted for her change in behavior, but it's welcomed nonetheless. IN talking with my sister-in-law, she was saying how her little sister (who is Makenneh's age and started Kindy this year as well), has become a mouthy brat. Keely used to be a sweet, well-behaved child and now she is almost impossible. We are thinking that going to school is what has triggered this. Makenneh was never a model child...she has always been a bit difficult, but the mouthiness just increases after she entered kindergarten. Maybe being around the other kids (some probably mouthy and naughty by nature) combined with the added freedoms of going to school triggered it, who knows. I'm holding my breath on the change though, because I am sure the bottom may fall out at any point. I am enjoying the time right now, when she is being sweet and just know that it could change at any point.

Both kids are excited about trick or treating. Makenneh got to go to a trunk or treat event at a local church last night. The church she attends with papa took the youth group to another church that sponsored the event. She had fun, despite getting there late. She didn't get a lot of candy, which is just as well, as far as I'm concerned. There will be enough tomorrow night to last a lifetime (not really, with daddy and papa around). It's supposed to be nice out tomorrow which is great news. It has been sooo cold lately, that I was dreading the thought of Halloween. I freeze for a few mins we stand at the bus stop, I couldn't imagine a couple hours out in that stuff. Hopefully the weather cooperates, as predicted, and we have a decent night. Let's also hope my mother in law has their costumes finished. She came over Tuesday night to have them try them on so she could do the finishing touches. I still have to go get Makenneh the rest of her outfit, but i am hoping that Jeremy gets paid today (their boss varies on paying them on thurs and fri, at his own whim). She needs pink top and pants to go under her tutu. She is going as a ballerina. I figured that rather than get her a leotard, which she may not ever really wear again, i would get a plain long sleeve shirt and some leggins. Then, I also have to do her accessories, which won't be a problem. She wants sparkly bracelets, so that's the must have. Then, im going to put her hair up in a bun and use a cute, frilly hair tie to hold it up. She should be cute. Then, there's Sebastian, in his Patrick costume. He is gonna be a doll. and fuzzy and warm!

See what happens when I don't blog for awhile, I run on and on worse than ever. But, Im going to wrap it up here so I can check the campaign email and then do my homework.

Take care and have a safe and fun Halloween!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Stretch your words

That's what I learned from my daughter today. And it's a lesson I was glad to learn. I have always understood the importance of phonics but I just wasn't sure how to "teach" that to my kids. Well, Makenneh's teacher taught them to stretch their words. She even has a motion for it. They put their fingers to their lips (think of the Italians "kissing" their fingers thing) and then they stretch the word as they say it by pulling their hand away from the lips. Doing this allows you say the word realllllllly slow so you can sound out the letters and spell the word. Bingo! Now I have a great way to help them with their phonics. We just sat here spelling different words.

Life has been a roller coaster ride with the girl. I had posted a while back about her going to school easily. Hah! If that didn't blow up in my face. Shortly after posting that, she began fighting me more mornings than not. Most of it wasn't that she didn't really want to go to school, but rather that she didn't want to get up or didn't want to wear "that" shirt or didn't want to wear that coat, etc. Almost every morning was a fight over something or another. And she would pull the whole, "If you don't let me ____,I won't go to school/get on bus/whatever". Grrrr. Several mornings, I cried after getting her on the bus. Sheer frustration. We discovered that she may have been getting too much sleep. I kept saying to my mom, "it's as if she is tired, but how could she be, she goes to bed by 8pm every night and gets up at 7:15". Well one Wed evening, she went to church with papa and they stopped at Uncle Matt's on the way home. She didn't get home til around 9pm so she was up later than usual. The next morning was the best morning we have had in a while. So, we started keeping her up a little later at night and it seems to be helping. Some mornings she even wakes herself up earlier than she needs to be up. I hope it helps because seriously, she has gotten next to incorrigable. Her mouth is the worst of it. She wants to argue everything til the bitter end. I suppose she will make a great debater someday...hopefully she finds a career where that attribute suits her well because it doesn't do well in the household!

Myself, I have been busy with school and campaigning. We are nearing elections and honestly, I can't wait for it to be over with. Hopefully it ends with a victory for us! Most of the primary elections ended up with incumbents being unseated. Hopefully in the general, the incumbents continue to be unseated. I think that most Michiganders are sick of the same old stuff....nothing ever changes, only gets worse. Some of our politicians have been here since the beginning of time and haven't done much good for our state....our state has literally gone down the toilets. Voters are beginning to finally see this and are more apt to vote for the new people on the block. But, the unions are strong in this state and they have a wicked sort of control over people. It's really rather frightening to talk to people and see just how many people vote simply because their union tells them to vote for that person. People don't bother with looking into the candidates themselves, they just do as puppets and vote according to the union. That's how all these career politicians have managed to run the state for so long without being effective. they don't have to do right by the people, as long as their party matches the union. Case in point: Flint had a crappy mayor several years back. He was recalled after running flint in the ground. That same guy is now on the ticket for a different position. The union backs him simply because of his party affiliation, with no regard to the fact that he contributed to the crap Flint has become and he was recalled, meaning the voters in Flint didn't want him there anymore. But enough on politics, it will soon be over.

Makenneh is anxiously counting down the days til Halloween. The first thing out of her mouth every morning is "___ days til halloween, Im so excited!". She chose to be a ballerina for halloween and my mother in law is making her costume. I have to buy the leotard, tights and shoes, but she is making the skirt. I picked out hot pink and black (because Makenneh wanted black and i thought a ballerina needed some pink, too). Seb is being Patrick Star from Spongebob and she is making that costume as well. He is gonna be cute! I love that my kids chose more unique costumes, rather than wanting the cheap store bought costumes that are good for maybe one go-round.

I finally got a paper in the mail today about my student loan. I just chatted live with a rep at my school and the check should be here within a week. Woohoo! That is a huge relief. We have decided to just get a different car. There is a car for sale up the road from us that is in our price range. We will go look at it as well as a couple other ones. I will plan to have a decision about the car so that when the money arrives, we can do it up! Then, I am just going to put a for sale sign on my car and try to get some money out of it; at least to recoup the cost of the transmission we bought a month or so ago. Someone who knows more about transmissions could probably fix it and have it on the road. Jeremy has hassled with it on and off for weeks and we decided that rather than spend hundreds of dollars taking it to a mechanic, we will just a different car. This is the 3rd or 4th trans we have had to put in this car and that's not a cheap fix, nor is it an easy job. Im over it. I have had that car since like 1999 and it's time for something different. Hopefully with less headaches. One thing is for sure. My dad is test driving the next car before I buy anything. Hopefully i can avoid some of hte issues I have had with this car.

Well, I am going to get off here and start getting ready. We are going to the campaign headquarters tonight to use the phone bank and I need to get ready. I don't really wanna go because I would love to have a weekend to relax and to myself. I suppose it will be the first weekend in NOvember, after the election is over.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Good Morning

Thought I should post seems how it has been awhile since the last time.

Friday Makenneh had a field trip to Grandpa Tiny's Farm. She had a great time for the most part. it was a bit chilly that day, but the sun was warm. She got to see and pet various farm animals, milk a cow, make a candle from beeswax, learn how wool was spun, and we went on a wagon ride and made a butterfly craft.

My Saturday mornings have been full of campaign work. Every Saturday, we go to a different city in our district and pair off to go distribute flyers. I have been doing a lot of walking. We have already passed out nearly 12000 flyers and still have some to do. This past Saturday was extra special though. I arrived at the meeting location with my parents. I got out of the car and Greg, the photographer who did our wedding, approached me holding a golden box. He asked if I remembered him. Of course I did. He presented me with the box, which I knew before opening, contained my wedding pictures that I was never able to afford to buy. I instantly started crying, as I grabbed him, hugged him and thanked him. He said that it was his gift to me for my hard work and community service. I have to say that is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I stood in that parking lot going over the wedding pictures I had never seen. It was amazing and kinda sad, as several people have since passed, including my Aunt Dawn, Jeremy's grandma and his papa. Then, some couples have since divorced. So, very beautiful gift. I have gone over those pictures many times since that morning.

After doing the campaign stuff, we had to rush to my cousin's wedding. It went well. My cousin was absolutely beautiful. The kids had a great time at the reception. Sebastian danced and showed off the entire night. He was far from the shy boy who usually sticks at my side and avoids conversation. Music must be his thing. He has seen some of the Step Up movies and tries to dance like the street dancers. We didn't stay for the whole thing because Jeremy has been sick with a cold and the kids of course needed to go to bed. But, we had a good time.

Sunday we went to my sister's for a hay ride and to pick out pumpkins. The kids picked out huge pumpkins. It's the first time I've had such big pumpkins. A guy Ralph works with was over there with his family and Makenneh hit it off with their kids.

Our weekend was crazy busy but we are hoping to just stay home this weekend. Of course, right now, the forecast says rain Friday through Monday, so staying home is probably a good idea.

Well, that's a bit of a catch up, but I have to finish getting Makenneh ready for the bus, so I will go for now...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Before going to bed...

...My mother in law let me use her jeep for class tonight and then keep it until tomorrow evening. What a huge help! I am ever so grateful. So, I was able to run to the store and get a gift for the bday girl tomorrow and get to class. I wanted to take Makenneh and let her pick something out for her friend, but time just won't allow for that. I hate buying for kids you don't even know. The invites were High School Musical, so I went off that, knowing nothing of this girl. I got her a HSM Barbie type doll, figuring that even if she has two of them, you can still play with them...i know Makenneh wouldn't mind getting another Hannah Montana Doll.

Well, i am going to head to bed. One more day for the week! Have a great weekend. I usually don't get on here too much over the weekend!

Wiggle, Wiggle

Goes Makenneh's tooth! She is losing her first baby tooth! The adult tooth is already coming in in its place. I am sooo excited. Silly, I know. After she loses it, I will have to take a picture of her toothless grin. I am not sure if I will be able to get it on here though because my printer is all screwed up. Not the printer, but the tower I am using doesn't have enough ports to plug in my printer.

It's getting sooo tricky trying to get back and forth to school. It is a great source of stress for me. I just wish we could figure out what is wrong with my car. Jeremy plans to spend some more time on it tomorrow trying to get it going. Please say a prayer, cross your fingers, send some good thoughts, whatever.

Makenneh has a bday party to go to tomorrow, which is another hassle in that I have to find a ride. Grrrrr. I am hoping my mother in law will allow me to use her jeep tonight for class and keep it overnight so I can pick makenneh up from school to go to the party. It's being held at the McDonald's near the school. If she lets me do that, it will mean I have a way to class tonight and then tomorrow for the party. My chest tightens with the thoughts of all the hassle.

And then.....people suck. Yes, they do. As you all know, my brother in law is running for state rep for our district. It's a big deal. We have had a lot of campaign things to do. We are now at the time that we need to go door to door leaving flyers. This is a huge task as our district is rather large and there are lots of homes to hit. Getting family to help is like pulling teeth. We go out each Saturday for a few hours. That's it. Well, my mom has always been the go-to person of the family. Moreso after my grandparents passed away. Every time anyone needs anything from money to help with planning and hosting open houses, weddings, showers, etc. My mom is always the one they come to for help. WEll, now that she is the one needing help, everyone is too damn busy. It's pathetic. One cousin in particular said she couldn't do it last Saturday because she was going duck hunting. Well, she ended up not even going hunting. Then, this weekend, she is going to a damned Obama rally. So, she can't help with a local campaign that happens to be for her cousin...but she can attend a rally for a presidential candidate who isn't going to give two shits about flint, mi when he is elected. And I am not just saying that about Obama, because it is true of any presidential candidate ever. Not to mention, OBama's campaign won't suffer if a few people don't attend a rally. Ralph's is suffering because it is small town, grassroots campaigning. We need the bodies to help us. So, I have encouraged my mom to stop the gravy train. When the others need something, be too damned busy to help. Period. The sad thing is, if Ralph gets elected, those who were too busy to help get him there will be the first ones wanting favors. THey can forget it. Oh well....some people suck, that's just life. It frustrates me enough to have mom tell my aunt she is on her own to finish her daughter's flowers for her wedding that my mom is doing...because she is too busy with campaign stuff. The only reason for not doing that is bc the daughter getting married is not the one being a snot about helping...so she shouldn't have to suffer. They are going to be in for a shock when the 18th comes and all of us have to be out doing campaign stuff to get it done before the election and won't be able to help with anything before the wedding. We will have time enough to show up and take a seat for the wedding. Unfortunately, the mother of the bride can't do anything without my mom at her side when it comes to this wedding planning and execution. My mom had to go with them to order the cake, even. So, they are going to be flustered. But, if they were able to help out more, then we wouldn't be so under the wire at this point. Bah, im done ranting. really i am.

My sister has her OB appointment today. It's her first one with the OB. Everyone looked good when she went for the ultrasound and they set her due date for May 1st. Our gma's bday was May 3. It would be sooo sweet if she had her baby that day! I am hoping. She already has a cute little belly showing. It's so exciting. Well, I am off here to read my two chapters for my quiz tonight. Have a great day!

Monday, October 06, 2008

I've had my moments...

That's what I want on my headstone. LOL. Seriously, though, our assignment in Social Work with the aging is to write our own eulogy and then an epitaph. The epitaph being the words or phrase that goes on your headstone. I have been thinking about it and the possibilities are endless, of course. But, I love that song, "Moments" by Emerson Drive. It is beautiful and truly, ..."Looking at me now, you may not know it, but Ive had my moments...."

School is going well for me, it's the getting there and home that's hell. My car is sooo close to being fixed yet it still is working right. Jeremy changed the transmission (actually had to take it out, put it in, take it out, put it in) and it is still not shifting properly. A couple people have thrown out a few suggestions. He tried one of them this evening and still nothing. Honestly, we don't have the money to keep throwing at it and Jeremy doesn't have the patience to keep chasing rabbits. He is quite mechanically inclined and what he doesn't know, he can learn quickly. However, he is not a certified mechanic and everything he has learned has been from hands on, life experience. But, he is unsure where to go with it from here and he is ready to just scrap the car. We can't do that though because we don't have money for a new one either. It's a no win situation. Meanwhile, my dad is now on 10 hour shifts and I have lost my ride to school in the evening as well. I need a ride 5 times a week. Once on mon, tue, thur and twice on wed. The thought of withdrawing from my classes has crossed my mind, believe me. But, the other part of me refuses to let this obstacle get in my way, damn it. I want this degree soooo bad and I refuse to give in. I am going to fight, tooth and nail. But, I am tired, weary and the fight is dwindling. I can only pray that the problem is something simple and that it can be fixed expediently. (hah, fancy word, did i use it properly? lol). Anyway, as it looks, we are back to waiting for my student to loan to come through, which I have heard nothing about so far, other than it will be processed somewhere btwn the 9th and 23th of this month. What happens from there, who knows. All I know is that I need the money, I need my car fixed and I need to be able to get on with my measely life, already. Gah! I can laugh...I just did, seriously.


Enough whining already, I know. Makenneh has her first field trip of the year on the 13th. We are going to Grandpa Tiny's Farm. Thankfully, it's on a friday, so I will be able to join her! I was worried about being able to attend field trips and such. Makenneh is doing better in school every time papers are sent home. When she does something wrong, we go over it with her when she gets home, we practice and I tell her to be sure to follow directions. It seems to be paying off because she had a paper to do with patterns. You know, what comes next?! Well, she got 2 of the 5 wrong. I sat her down, made up some new patterns and had her fill in what came next. We practiced it, talked about it and today she brought home one that was perfect! Way to go! She is so eager to learn and just loves school, so I don't worry too much about her slow beginning thanks to mommy with postpartum depression and her head up her rear a bit. I did a few things right, I suppose!

Sebastian is totally, completely potty trained. I haven't bought diapers in about 3 weeks maybe. And we skipped the pull up stage altogether. Just on into big boy undies!

Well, I am going to close for now because I need to get to bed. I am tired, in pain from cramps that won't quit and just feel blah.

I will post the lyrics to that song, before I go, because they are great and speak to me....hope you enjoy them:

Moments, by Emerson Drive

I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments