Escape

I want an escape. I want to run. This has been a day from hell. Pure hell. The kids do not listen. I spend my entire day getting after them. I am burned out. And it seems any nice thing i try to do for them gets turned into an ordeal. I let Makenneh go play with her friend...when it came time to come home, she acted a complete fool right there in front of her friend's mom. I was mortified. She sat there in the pool, refusing to get out, sticking her tongue out at me. It took every ounce of restraint to not get in that pool and yank her out not so nicely. She was invited to come back tomorrow and swim, but I think she will be staying home, most likely in doors for the day. I hate to keep her from her friend, but she has to learn that she doesn't act that way. She is so argumentatative and bossy and all out disrespectful. If they had boot camp for 4 yr olds, she would certainly be there. I hate that i cannot enjoy these kids. I spend my days tense and frustrated and ready to just run. I think tomorrow I am going to clear her bedroom of all toys and take her movies away and as she behaves, she can slowly earn them back. maybe she has to be stripped of everything to realize that I am the parent, I am in charge and she will listen and do as told and have respect. I absolutely dread being here all day with these kids. I would rather have a root canal or walk on glass. I know it sounds awful, but this blog is for me to vent and that's what I'm doing. It is 10:40pm and both kids are still awake, bouncing around. I have yelled, i have swatted, I have placed down for bed. Still they go. It's probably good that I don't have a car right now, bc im almost sure i would be in it and long gone.

Then, to save money, we have been rolling our own cigarettes (I know, we should just quit, but easier said than done). Well, Jeremy sat here all damn night at the computer desk, with the stuff to roll cigs and didn't roll a one. He must expect that i should sit up all night rolling him enough for work tomorrow, while tending to kids. Well, he will be surprised come morning. Im not a freakin cigarette rolling machine.

Oh and it's my month to host bunco. well, it wasn't originally, but we had an open month and i volunteered. My mother in law said we could use an empty apartment at the complex she lives/works in. Well, last week they cut her hours almost in half and she thinks they are trying to get rid of her, so she said she isn't asking them for anything, so I have to find somewhere else to have bunco. My place is just too small and the floors are bad and jeremy never seems to find the ambition to fix them (another vent in itself). I just long for the day when i have a decent home to entertain company in and a decent car to drive and spare money in my pocket.

Ok i really have to stop now bc the more i type the more infuriated I become. Not to mention, i just know that everyone doesn't want to hear all my gripes. Even if this is my blog. Who wants to read all that depressing crap?