Another day at the zoo

Yes, we went to the zoo again today. A different one today. And I have already uploaded the pictures, aren't you so proud? LOL. It worked out that Jeremy was able to go as well, because unfortunately, his boss's father passed away and the funeral was today, so he gave all the guys the day off with pay. Highly unheard of in this company, but I guess every scrooge has a soft spot. Anyway, so Jeremy was able to go with us, so it was me, him, my mom, my sister and Makenneh and Sebastian. Of course, it was hot as hell today with more humidity than I care to experience. But, we survived it. The kids were excellent. And as we were surrounded by whiny, fit-throwing children, I had to feel a bit of a sense of pride and luck that it wasn't my children. They were troopers. I have no idea why the pictures post so small..anyone know how to change that?


Here's a pic of the four of us at the Fossil Find....

Sebastian playing peek-a-boo around the tree. He is one handsome devil, even if I do say so myself.

Makenneh always wants to ride a carousal, but she is always deathly afraid once the thing starts moving...she will hang on for dear live with a look of shear horror on her face.



Sebastian opted for the seat....
Here's one of the Kangaroos in the outback habitat. It's neat because you get to walk right through there, with nothing but a rope separating you from the kangaroos. Too bad they were laying down off near the corner. I think it would be cool to have a kangaroo hopping around near the pathway.
Aunt Carrie and Makenneh petting the cow at the petting zoo part...Sebastian had actually reached up and petted the cow first, but the camera wasn't ready. Grandma!!!

The kids sitting on the steps at the Fossil Find. I tried to resize this one within the post but it made it rather distorted looking.


We all had a great time and while there aren't a lot of animals at this zoo, there are plenty of things to do and it makes for a very affordable (can you say $3.50 each) day out.

On this same photo card were the pics from my mom's cousin's wedding, which took place this past weekend. My mom did the flowers and they were absolutely gorgeous, so I decided I had to share them. She has such amazing talents and we have tried to convince her to start her own business...she fears failure, I guess. But, with this kind of talent, I don't think failure is even a possibility.
Well, I suppose that's a wrap for tonight. I need to get some sleep eventually.

LIons and Tigers and Bears

And it wasn't at the Circus. Mom took the kids and I to the Wilderness Trails Zoo today. It's local and kinda small, but was a very nice outing. Despite mom having a migraine, me having cramps like that of labor pains and the scattered showers, it was a nice trip. The kids loved seeing the animals. We didn't take many pictures, though. We got to see camels and lions, bears, river otters (which are amazing to watch swim around and play), cougar, foxes, monkeys, and more. Oh and a black swan. So beautiful! But this zoo is small and the habitats are kinda sad. I much prefer the larger zoos where animals have much more room and much more of a natural habitat. But, this one is closer to home. Next week we may venture to the Saginaw Children's Zoo. It's larger (though not as large as the Detroit Zoo) and has a lot of nice things. And it's cheaper than the Wilderness Trials. Go figure. And on Tuesdays, they offer half price admission. So, what a deal. IT will cost $3.50 each. Then, if we want to ride the train, it's 2.00 each. Today's trip was kinda last minute and we weren't sure we were even going to go when mom woke up with a severe headache. But, we decided to give it a go. We are down to one vehicle for the household, so have to make hay while the sun shines. They have a petting area at this zoo and Sebastian was real hesitant to touch most of the animals. But, he spotted the turtle and was fascinated. He didn't want to leave the turtle. I think that and the otter was his favorite. He wanted in the cage with the otter. Makenneh just loved all of it, probably the birds and the big cats the best. It was fun to watch them run ahead with excitement as they looked at the animals. They each got a peacock feather to bring home. They collect them from the peacocks and then sell them in the gift shop for fifty cents. They are so pretty, hard to resist. The kids (and the cat) love them.

We let my cousin Desiree stay the night tonight. Makenneh just adores her. Well, we aren't going to let anyone stay on a weeknight again. It is too hard to keep the kids quiet while my dad and Jeremy are sleeping. Jeremy isn't a worry so much because once he gets to sleep, he sleeps through just about anything. But my dad is a different story. And he is a bear if he gets woke up. So, after the craziness of tonight, I have decided not to do this again with younger kids. I say younger, but Des is 12. And it's not so much that she is loud, it's that Makenneh is loud, doesn't want to go to bed, and then the whole, 3s a crowd issue. The neighbor girl who usually plays very well with Makenneh, was over and there was a bunch of girly whines, drama, etc. Blah. Of course, it doesn't help that I am just irritable and moody with PMS.

Well, I am fighting to stay awake, so that's my cue to cut this off and head to bed.

Stopping In

Yeah, I know, my blogging has been quite sporadic lately. Since moving to my parents', I have just gotten out of my routine. Not to mention, I can't as easily say let the housework slide and do it tomorrow so i can blog/chat/email. It's not my home, so I need to stay on top of everything more than I was. So, it's a blessing in disguise.

********warning: The following part contains talk of miscarriage. If you wish to pass over this, please scroll down to the next set of *** marks***************

I may have posted about my cousin being pregnant. It's been so long, I don't recall. Anyway, she had found out she was pregnant about a month or so ago. She was very excited. We were all a bit reluctant at the excitement because, well, she is 19 yrs old, living with her dad and it just didn't seem like a good time. Not that the rest of us waited on that right time, but having been there, done that, we know that it isn't all that fun. Anyway, we were happy for her because she was happy. She and her boyfriend had been "not trying to prevent" it for some time bc she would like to have a baby before she loses her dad (my uncle). Not that he is terminally ill or anything at this point. But, he does take very poor care of himself, he has had health problems in the past and we think he has some more things going on but he hasn't/won't go into the doctor to get things checked out. Anyway, boy, I sure can get off track. You poor readers must get headaches trying to keep up with my train of thought. Back to the story. So, my cousin, Sarah, had a positive pregnancy test. It was a shock because she had to have one of her ovaries removed when she was 13 yrs old due to a tumor. The other ovary isn't in the best of shape. So, she has had a rough way to go as far as her reproductive system goes. (this also contributing to her desire to have a baby). Well, she went to the OB/GYN on Tuesday last week and he couldn't find the heartbeat. He told her not to stress out too badly because it could be that she was still too early (although she was 11 wks) or that she had a tilted uterus. He ordered an ultrasound STAT and she went Thursday for that. She called me sobbing and I knew immediately what they found out. She had lost the baby. The saddest part is that when the ultrasound (US) tech first started the us, Sarah and Shane were able to see the baby on the monitor. Their excitement began to grow. Then, the tech said she would be right back and brought in the other doctor who works in that office. And that's when it was confirmed that the baby had died. So, she had to go back into her own OB the next morning. The poor girl refused to pee all night because she couldn't bear the thought of passing her baby in the toilet. The next morning they met with the OB and they all decided it best to do the D&C. They estimate that the baby had died around 9wks gestation and she was about 12 weeks at this point. He did tell her that her uterus and cervix look good and that she could go on to have healthy pregnancies after this. I hope, for her sake, that she is. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that they should wait and that they aren't ready for a child (which i truly feel) but I am saying that from this side of the fence. I have two healthy, beautiful children and had 2 healthy, successful, easy pregnancies. I have never had to face the devastation of a miscarriage and for that I am thankful. I can feel the heartbreak for Shane and Sarah. They were both so excited to be pregnant and couldn't wait for baby's arrival. And to have that ripped away from you has to be horrible. When she called crying I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that all the cliche things that people say are often the worst things to say. I spared her all the "it was meant to be" and all those other mindless sentiments. Instead, btwn tears of my own, I told her honestly that I didn't know what to say and that I was soo sorry. I was pleased to learn that the doctor was interested in her healing physically and emotionally. It seems that oftentimes, doctors focus on the physical and forget that there is an emotional side to such things. He was amazing in the way he handled the whole situation. So, thoughts and prayers for Sarah and Shane are very welcomed right now. For Sarah, both physically and emotionally. They sedated her for the D&C and she was in a lot of pain. She lost a lot of blood during the surgery and still looks very pale.


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I bought Makenneh's backpack last night. They had Hannah Montana ones for $10 at walmart. Couldn't pass the deal up. Now I just have to find Spongebob for Sebastian.

Still up in the air as far as the move to TN. Of course, it doesn't help that our car died. The transmission is gone now. We don't have the money to do anything about it right now, so it puts us that much further back. I am beginning to feel a bit of defeat all the way around, but I refuse to succumb to that thought. I have battled my depression this far and I won't give in now. Everything will work out somehow, someway. Of course, the timing for everything is just horrible. Everything is in limbo and I don't know if I should plan for being here or there or what. I will need to be signing up for classes very soon, Makenneh starts Kindergarten the end of next month, Sebastian starts preK. I have decided to just go forward with all those plans and if the move comes together, we move. But, this way, we have a plan A and B. I have mixed feelings about the move. I see it as a possible fresh start for us, but I also see it as reckless. It would be different if he had a job to transfer down there and/or we had family down there, but neither is the case. And this economy is so scary and fragile right now. The powers that be won't admit we are in recession/depression, but many people believe we are and will continue to feel the effects of it. So, my mind plays on all the "what ifs". At the same time, I think the "what ifs" of staying here. His aunt has been working on Jeremy's records and such and has sent them to an attorney. I suppose if something positive comes of that, it would be helpful. I just don't currently see an end in sight to his situation, short of moving. We do not have the money to fight a legal battle to prove what we already know - that he is a decent person deserving of a license that would greatly increase his ability to provide for his family and be more self-sufficient. We know that. Anyone who knows Jeremy knows that. But getting the powers to be to see that costs lots of money that we don't have. Getting his license would be a great burden lifted from our shoulders. He could drive to and from work without fear of going to jail. And that would be a huge relief.

Well, just thinking about all of it has brought forth anxiety, so new topic. The Community Baby Shower project that I am volunteering with is going well. The event will be held August 16 and we ended up with 27 women to help. Everyone will be going home with a bunch of stuff. Unfortunately, we don't have enough of each item for everyone, so we will do an auction of sorts to be as fair as possible. The auction will of course involve tickets that we provide them with rather than money. But, everyone will go home with a diaper bag stuffed with a bunch of goodies, a stroller, blankets, clothes, carseat. Most will get a crib or cradle and then we have limited supplies of most other baby items. I wish that we could get more donations, but it is so difficult without having a 501(c) (non-profit number). If we had that, we would be able to raise money easier and also collect more donations from businesses and such. But, the process to apply for one of them is long and I hear costly. We will probably have to try it if we are make this an annual event, as we hope. Even though I am unsure where I will be in a year, I would love to see this become a yearly thing and have it grow to service more people. It's great to be a part of something that is going to be so beneficial to people in need. The event is being organized just like a babyshower. We will have games and prizes and food and fun and gifts for everyone.

Well, on that positive note, I am going to wrap it up here. I want to cruise around the internet a bit before heading to bed. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

"I've had a good life"

I am sure that I have mentioned that my sister and her husband take care of his Aunt Helen. Well, she started going downhill (or really, i guess, it's uphill if you believe in heaven/eternal life). Yesterday, Carrie called to have mom come over because she was certain Aunt Helen was going. She had no control over her bowels, was in bad pain, mumbling and her eyes were glazed over. I took mom over there and the nurse was called out. Aunt Helen is on Hospice, so no ambulances and hospital trips. The nurse arrived and said she very well could be going into "active passing". As we were standing around her bed, she says with much clarity, "I've had a good life." I wanted to cry. I started to cry. But, later in the day, I got to thinking. This woman is 90 years old. She is laying in a hospital bed in her nephew's home. She is wearing an adult diaper, unable to move to get comfortable, in extreme pain. And she is able to say, "I've had a good life." She lost her only child, a son, when he was in his 20s, due to health problems (I think he had cystic fibrosis) and she lost her husband some 15 yrs ago, i think. The only family she seems to have is her nieces and nephews. But, she could say on her death bed, "I've had a good life." Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. Being around Aunt Helen was like having my grandma back. They have the same name Helen (and even the same last name) and their birthdays were just a day apart. My grandma's was may 3, Aunt Helen's may 4. They both liked their tea with milk (not too common around this area) and they both had hands that were soft as velvet. As I sat in the living room at my sister's, I heard the nurse calling in the meds and say, "last name, Helen" and i got teary eyed. For a moment, I drifted back in time. A time when it was a different Helen W. who was on hospice. A different Helen who was sick and fragile. My grandma. After the nurse did all her stuff, she came out to give us instructions on her meds. She asked if someone could pick the meds up from the pharmacy. she had to call them into a different pharmacy, 20 mins away because of the liquid morphine and being on hospice. I volunteered, knowing that my sister didn't want to be driving anywhere. It felt strange to tell the tech that I needed to pick up prescriptions for Helen Samelastnameasmylategrandma. I walked out of the pharmacy with tears stinging my eyes.

This morning, my mom was set to go over to my sister's to take care of Aunt Helen (because that's her job now) and the phone rang. It was my sister. She wanted mom to come right away because Aunt Helen had passed. Sometime this morning after Ralph left for work and before Carrie woke up, Aunt Helen passed. She is finally free of the pain she was in. She would just cry and moan anytime she had to be moved and most times even when she wasn't being moved.
May Aunt Helen rest in peace. I know she is back with her husband and son and their family is complete once again.

And from the mouth's of babes: Makenneh was asking about Aunt Helen this morning. This girl seems have some sort of intuition or something. She always seems to just "know" the things to bring up. I told her that Aunt Helen went to heaven this morning.
Makenneh: Today?
me: Yes, today.
Her: Did aunt Carrie bury her in her yard?
Me: No, honey, we don't bury people in our yards. We have a funeral for them. And remember when we went to see where my grandma and grandpa were buried?
Her: yes.
Me: ok, that's where we bury people. It's called a cemetary.
Her: OH!
And off she went back to playing. They just seem to accept life for what it is.

I have so much to blog about because I haven't really posted in a bit. ANd the one time I did, i didn't have the emotional energy to talk (type) about it. Not that I feel great today, but I am here, and already talking about emotionally charged topics.

On friday, the 4th of July, I sent Jeremy up to the park we just moved from to pick up my cousin (her gma lives in there). It is 2 miles up the road. We were busy getting things ready for a picnic at my brothers. Well, I was outside getting the cooler so i could pack our pop and stuff. My mom comes out, near frantic with the phone. She said it was jeremy and they were gonna take him to jail. My head started spinning. I get the phone, can barely understand him because my cell phone doesn't get good reception there. All I heard was something about the proof of insurance was expired. I hung up and mom grabbed her keys, we dug around trying to find the current proof (which is on my mom's policy and she is always anal retentive about keeping up to date). Couldn't find it. Everything had said expired 5/14/08. I holler to my dad to keep an eye on the kids and we go. Get there and tell the officer that it has insurance but we can't find it. THink it's at home in the letter rack. He said to go ahead and run home for it. I wanted to stay with Jeremy and get in the car. He tells me i can't. Made me go with my mom. So, i do. We come home, can't find any. F ind the bill, where it appeared it hadn't been paid. Mom doesn't want to drive her car back up there, because well, it must not have insurance. Seh runs next door and asks my dad's neice who lives there if she would run us back up there. She does. When we get there, there is another police car and the tow truck. They were impounding my car and had my husband in the back seat of the cop car. HE doesn't have a license. So, I was shaking from head to toe and just wanted to collapse. I had to clean all our stuff out of the car and set it on the sidewalk. The cop implied he wasn't taking Jeremy to jail and that was a huge relief but I wasn't believing him until he let him out of that damn car. When he let him go, i thanked him. He said that he can see JEremy is a good guy and that's why he was letting him go. So, i had to pay $253 to get my car out on Monday. I don't care about that, because it is nothing compared to the price of him going to jail. But, the whole event put a damper on our 4th of July celebration. Jeremy didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave him home alone. He was so upset. So, i sent the kids with my mom so they wouldn't miss the fireworks and festivities and i stayed here with him. My cousin Stephanie was here, too. We had a little bonfire, watched the neighbor's fireworks, laid under the stars. But, anyway, im off track. Mostly because I am trying to give the abbreviated version. Anyway, after the whole police thing, Jeremy said he wants out of MI. We have been trying to get his license forever. It is next to impossible. Meanwhile, it is not feasible for him to NEVER drive, if he is to work. I am sure I have said why he doesn't have one, he never has. Bc when he was 15, he took his parents' van out and was pulled over. They revoked it at that time and then he had gotten into trouble before he turned 18 and was incarcerated when he should've had it back. I know it sounds like he is a horrible person and to some, it may seem that way. It isn't that. He was stupid and irresponsible as a teenager and he paid his debt to society. Oh how he has paid. WE continue to pay that debt today. Our kids continue to pay that debt. So, he has wanted to leave state since before we met. I always put him off because the thought of leaving my family made me ill. But, the truth is, in the past few years, the extended family has fallen apart, the economy in MI is horrible. There are no jobs, the unemployment is quite a bit higher than the national average and there isn't much here. So, I finally decided that it is time to move out of state. WE are looking at places and jobs in TN. It isn't a matter of IF we go, but WHEN. We would like to do it before school starts back up. I have sent his resume to jobs down there and he has already received replies of interest. We have a lot of things to work out, as far as how we will get down there, whether or not to take all our stuff, or just some and mostly start over, etc. My aunt and uncle are planning to go down there in Aug to check on a job lead my uncle has. We have mentioned riding with them. IF they let us, that would be our best, most inexpensive route. I am praying they let us. Plus, they are taking their 5th wheel, which means we wouldn't have to find hotels or something....we could just focus on getting a place, job, etc. i am amazed at how completely content and almost excited I am at this prospect. I have barely been out of MI on vacation, much less to live. I have lived in the same county my entire life. Please keep thoughts and prayers for us that this will all work out. We are hoping that by going down there, he will be able to get a license. His has never been "suspended" he simply has NEVER had one. It just may be the fresh start he has needed. I know that just since I agreed to go out of state, he has changed so much. He isn't so bogged down and stressed and frazzled. In return, he has been far more attentive, happy and peaceful. That's how I know this move is the right decision. So, if anyone has any info on TN, please feel free to email at masehow4@yahoo.com. I would love to know more.

I am going to finish my rounds on here and start on housework.....