Stopping In

Yeah, I know, my blogging has been quite sporadic lately. Since moving to my parents', I have just gotten out of my routine. Not to mention, I can't as easily say let the housework slide and do it tomorrow so i can blog/chat/email. It's not my home, so I need to stay on top of everything more than I was. So, it's a blessing in disguise.

********warning: The following part contains talk of miscarriage. If you wish to pass over this, please scroll down to the next set of *** marks***************

I may have posted about my cousin being pregnant. It's been so long, I don't recall. Anyway, she had found out she was pregnant about a month or so ago. She was very excited. We were all a bit reluctant at the excitement because, well, she is 19 yrs old, living with her dad and it just didn't seem like a good time. Not that the rest of us waited on that right time, but having been there, done that, we know that it isn't all that fun. Anyway, we were happy for her because she was happy. She and her boyfriend had been "not trying to prevent" it for some time bc she would like to have a baby before she loses her dad (my uncle). Not that he is terminally ill or anything at this point. But, he does take very poor care of himself, he has had health problems in the past and we think he has some more things going on but he hasn't/won't go into the doctor to get things checked out. Anyway, boy, I sure can get off track. You poor readers must get headaches trying to keep up with my train of thought. Back to the story. So, my cousin, Sarah, had a positive pregnancy test. It was a shock because she had to have one of her ovaries removed when she was 13 yrs old due to a tumor. The other ovary isn't in the best of shape. So, she has had a rough way to go as far as her reproductive system goes. (this also contributing to her desire to have a baby). Well, she went to the OB/GYN on Tuesday last week and he couldn't find the heartbeat. He told her not to stress out too badly because it could be that she was still too early (although she was 11 wks) or that she had a tilted uterus. He ordered an ultrasound STAT and she went Thursday for that. She called me sobbing and I knew immediately what they found out. She had lost the baby. The saddest part is that when the ultrasound (US) tech first started the us, Sarah and Shane were able to see the baby on the monitor. Their excitement began to grow. Then, the tech said she would be right back and brought in the other doctor who works in that office. And that's when it was confirmed that the baby had died. So, she had to go back into her own OB the next morning. The poor girl refused to pee all night because she couldn't bear the thought of passing her baby in the toilet. The next morning they met with the OB and they all decided it best to do the D&C. They estimate that the baby had died around 9wks gestation and she was about 12 weeks at this point. He did tell her that her uterus and cervix look good and that she could go on to have healthy pregnancies after this. I hope, for her sake, that she is. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that they should wait and that they aren't ready for a child (which i truly feel) but I am saying that from this side of the fence. I have two healthy, beautiful children and had 2 healthy, successful, easy pregnancies. I have never had to face the devastation of a miscarriage and for that I am thankful. I can feel the heartbreak for Shane and Sarah. They were both so excited to be pregnant and couldn't wait for baby's arrival. And to have that ripped away from you has to be horrible. When she called crying I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that all the cliche things that people say are often the worst things to say. I spared her all the "it was meant to be" and all those other mindless sentiments. Instead, btwn tears of my own, I told her honestly that I didn't know what to say and that I was soo sorry. I was pleased to learn that the doctor was interested in her healing physically and emotionally. It seems that oftentimes, doctors focus on the physical and forget that there is an emotional side to such things. He was amazing in the way he handled the whole situation. So, thoughts and prayers for Sarah and Shane are very welcomed right now. For Sarah, both physically and emotionally. They sedated her for the D&C and she was in a lot of pain. She lost a lot of blood during the surgery and still looks very pale.


*****************************************************************************************************

I bought Makenneh's backpack last night. They had Hannah Montana ones for $10 at walmart. Couldn't pass the deal up. Now I just have to find Spongebob for Sebastian.

Still up in the air as far as the move to TN. Of course, it doesn't help that our car died. The transmission is gone now. We don't have the money to do anything about it right now, so it puts us that much further back. I am beginning to feel a bit of defeat all the way around, but I refuse to succumb to that thought. I have battled my depression this far and I won't give in now. Everything will work out somehow, someway. Of course, the timing for everything is just horrible. Everything is in limbo and I don't know if I should plan for being here or there or what. I will need to be signing up for classes very soon, Makenneh starts Kindergarten the end of next month, Sebastian starts preK. I have decided to just go forward with all those plans and if the move comes together, we move. But, this way, we have a plan A and B. I have mixed feelings about the move. I see it as a possible fresh start for us, but I also see it as reckless. It would be different if he had a job to transfer down there and/or we had family down there, but neither is the case. And this economy is so scary and fragile right now. The powers that be won't admit we are in recession/depression, but many people believe we are and will continue to feel the effects of it. So, my mind plays on all the "what ifs". At the same time, I think the "what ifs" of staying here. His aunt has been working on Jeremy's records and such and has sent them to an attorney. I suppose if something positive comes of that, it would be helpful. I just don't currently see an end in sight to his situation, short of moving. We do not have the money to fight a legal battle to prove what we already know - that he is a decent person deserving of a license that would greatly increase his ability to provide for his family and be more self-sufficient. We know that. Anyone who knows Jeremy knows that. But getting the powers to be to see that costs lots of money that we don't have. Getting his license would be a great burden lifted from our shoulders. He could drive to and from work without fear of going to jail. And that would be a huge relief.

Well, just thinking about all of it has brought forth anxiety, so new topic. The Community Baby Shower project that I am volunteering with is going well. The event will be held August 16 and we ended up with 27 women to help. Everyone will be going home with a bunch of stuff. Unfortunately, we don't have enough of each item for everyone, so we will do an auction of sorts to be as fair as possible. The auction will of course involve tickets that we provide them with rather than money. But, everyone will go home with a diaper bag stuffed with a bunch of goodies, a stroller, blankets, clothes, carseat. Most will get a crib or cradle and then we have limited supplies of most other baby items. I wish that we could get more donations, but it is so difficult without having a 501(c) (non-profit number). If we had that, we would be able to raise money easier and also collect more donations from businesses and such. But, the process to apply for one of them is long and I hear costly. We will probably have to try it if we are make this an annual event, as we hope. Even though I am unsure where I will be in a year, I would love to see this become a yearly thing and have it grow to service more people. It's great to be a part of something that is going to be so beneficial to people in need. The event is being organized just like a babyshower. We will have games and prizes and food and fun and gifts for everyone.

Well, on that positive note, I am going to wrap it up here. I want to cruise around the internet a bit before heading to bed. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!