"I've had a good life"

I am sure that I have mentioned that my sister and her husband take care of his Aunt Helen. Well, she started going downhill (or really, i guess, it's uphill if you believe in heaven/eternal life). Yesterday, Carrie called to have mom come over because she was certain Aunt Helen was going. She had no control over her bowels, was in bad pain, mumbling and her eyes were glazed over. I took mom over there and the nurse was called out. Aunt Helen is on Hospice, so no ambulances and hospital trips. The nurse arrived and said she very well could be going into "active passing". As we were standing around her bed, she says with much clarity, "I've had a good life." I wanted to cry. I started to cry. But, later in the day, I got to thinking. This woman is 90 years old. She is laying in a hospital bed in her nephew's home. She is wearing an adult diaper, unable to move to get comfortable, in extreme pain. And she is able to say, "I've had a good life." She lost her only child, a son, when he was in his 20s, due to health problems (I think he had cystic fibrosis) and she lost her husband some 15 yrs ago, i think. The only family she seems to have is her nieces and nephews. But, she could say on her death bed, "I've had a good life." Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. Being around Aunt Helen was like having my grandma back. They have the same name Helen (and even the same last name) and their birthdays were just a day apart. My grandma's was may 3, Aunt Helen's may 4. They both liked their tea with milk (not too common around this area) and they both had hands that were soft as velvet. As I sat in the living room at my sister's, I heard the nurse calling in the meds and say, "last name, Helen" and i got teary eyed. For a moment, I drifted back in time. A time when it was a different Helen W. who was on hospice. A different Helen who was sick and fragile. My grandma. After the nurse did all her stuff, she came out to give us instructions on her meds. She asked if someone could pick the meds up from the pharmacy. she had to call them into a different pharmacy, 20 mins away because of the liquid morphine and being on hospice. I volunteered, knowing that my sister didn't want to be driving anywhere. It felt strange to tell the tech that I needed to pick up prescriptions for Helen Samelastnameasmylategrandma. I walked out of the pharmacy with tears stinging my eyes.

This morning, my mom was set to go over to my sister's to take care of Aunt Helen (because that's her job now) and the phone rang. It was my sister. She wanted mom to come right away because Aunt Helen had passed. Sometime this morning after Ralph left for work and before Carrie woke up, Aunt Helen passed. She is finally free of the pain she was in. She would just cry and moan anytime she had to be moved and most times even when she wasn't being moved.
May Aunt Helen rest in peace. I know she is back with her husband and son and their family is complete once again.

And from the mouth's of babes: Makenneh was asking about Aunt Helen this morning. This girl seems have some sort of intuition or something. She always seems to just "know" the things to bring up. I told her that Aunt Helen went to heaven this morning.
Makenneh: Today?
me: Yes, today.
Her: Did aunt Carrie bury her in her yard?
Me: No, honey, we don't bury people in our yards. We have a funeral for them. And remember when we went to see where my grandma and grandpa were buried?
Her: yes.
Me: ok, that's where we bury people. It's called a cemetary.
Her: OH!
And off she went back to playing. They just seem to accept life for what it is.

I have so much to blog about because I haven't really posted in a bit. ANd the one time I did, i didn't have the emotional energy to talk (type) about it. Not that I feel great today, but I am here, and already talking about emotionally charged topics.

On friday, the 4th of July, I sent Jeremy up to the park we just moved from to pick up my cousin (her gma lives in there). It is 2 miles up the road. We were busy getting things ready for a picnic at my brothers. Well, I was outside getting the cooler so i could pack our pop and stuff. My mom comes out, near frantic with the phone. She said it was jeremy and they were gonna take him to jail. My head started spinning. I get the phone, can barely understand him because my cell phone doesn't get good reception there. All I heard was something about the proof of insurance was expired. I hung up and mom grabbed her keys, we dug around trying to find the current proof (which is on my mom's policy and she is always anal retentive about keeping up to date). Couldn't find it. Everything had said expired 5/14/08. I holler to my dad to keep an eye on the kids and we go. Get there and tell the officer that it has insurance but we can't find it. THink it's at home in the letter rack. He said to go ahead and run home for it. I wanted to stay with Jeremy and get in the car. He tells me i can't. Made me go with my mom. So, i do. We come home, can't find any. F ind the bill, where it appeared it hadn't been paid. Mom doesn't want to drive her car back up there, because well, it must not have insurance. Seh runs next door and asks my dad's neice who lives there if she would run us back up there. She does. When we get there, there is another police car and the tow truck. They were impounding my car and had my husband in the back seat of the cop car. HE doesn't have a license. So, I was shaking from head to toe and just wanted to collapse. I had to clean all our stuff out of the car and set it on the sidewalk. The cop implied he wasn't taking Jeremy to jail and that was a huge relief but I wasn't believing him until he let him out of that damn car. When he let him go, i thanked him. He said that he can see JEremy is a good guy and that's why he was letting him go. So, i had to pay $253 to get my car out on Monday. I don't care about that, because it is nothing compared to the price of him going to jail. But, the whole event put a damper on our 4th of July celebration. Jeremy didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave him home alone. He was so upset. So, i sent the kids with my mom so they wouldn't miss the fireworks and festivities and i stayed here with him. My cousin Stephanie was here, too. We had a little bonfire, watched the neighbor's fireworks, laid under the stars. But, anyway, im off track. Mostly because I am trying to give the abbreviated version. Anyway, after the whole police thing, Jeremy said he wants out of MI. We have been trying to get his license forever. It is next to impossible. Meanwhile, it is not feasible for him to NEVER drive, if he is to work. I am sure I have said why he doesn't have one, he never has. Bc when he was 15, he took his parents' van out and was pulled over. They revoked it at that time and then he had gotten into trouble before he turned 18 and was incarcerated when he should've had it back. I know it sounds like he is a horrible person and to some, it may seem that way. It isn't that. He was stupid and irresponsible as a teenager and he paid his debt to society. Oh how he has paid. WE continue to pay that debt today. Our kids continue to pay that debt. So, he has wanted to leave state since before we met. I always put him off because the thought of leaving my family made me ill. But, the truth is, in the past few years, the extended family has fallen apart, the economy in MI is horrible. There are no jobs, the unemployment is quite a bit higher than the national average and there isn't much here. So, I finally decided that it is time to move out of state. WE are looking at places and jobs in TN. It isn't a matter of IF we go, but WHEN. We would like to do it before school starts back up. I have sent his resume to jobs down there and he has already received replies of interest. We have a lot of things to work out, as far as how we will get down there, whether or not to take all our stuff, or just some and mostly start over, etc. My aunt and uncle are planning to go down there in Aug to check on a job lead my uncle has. We have mentioned riding with them. IF they let us, that would be our best, most inexpensive route. I am praying they let us. Plus, they are taking their 5th wheel, which means we wouldn't have to find hotels or something....we could just focus on getting a place, job, etc. i am amazed at how completely content and almost excited I am at this prospect. I have barely been out of MI on vacation, much less to live. I have lived in the same county my entire life. Please keep thoughts and prayers for us that this will all work out. We are hoping that by going down there, he will be able to get a license. His has never been "suspended" he simply has NEVER had one. It just may be the fresh start he has needed. I know that just since I agreed to go out of state, he has changed so much. He isn't so bogged down and stressed and frazzled. In return, he has been far more attentive, happy and peaceful. That's how I know this move is the right decision. So, if anyone has any info on TN, please feel free to email at masehow4@yahoo.com. I would love to know more.

I am going to finish my rounds on here and start on housework.....