I've had my moments...

That's what I want on my headstone. LOL. Seriously, though, our assignment in Social Work with the aging is to write our own eulogy and then an epitaph. The epitaph being the words or phrase that goes on your headstone. I have been thinking about it and the possibilities are endless, of course. But, I love that song, "Moments" by Emerson Drive. It is beautiful and truly, ..."Looking at me now, you may not know it, but Ive had my moments...."

School is going well for me, it's the getting there and home that's hell. My car is sooo close to being fixed yet it still is working right. Jeremy changed the transmission (actually had to take it out, put it in, take it out, put it in) and it is still not shifting properly. A couple people have thrown out a few suggestions. He tried one of them this evening and still nothing. Honestly, we don't have the money to keep throwing at it and Jeremy doesn't have the patience to keep chasing rabbits. He is quite mechanically inclined and what he doesn't know, he can learn quickly. However, he is not a certified mechanic and everything he has learned has been from hands on, life experience. But, he is unsure where to go with it from here and he is ready to just scrap the car. We can't do that though because we don't have money for a new one either. It's a no win situation. Meanwhile, my dad is now on 10 hour shifts and I have lost my ride to school in the evening as well. I need a ride 5 times a week. Once on mon, tue, thur and twice on wed. The thought of withdrawing from my classes has crossed my mind, believe me. But, the other part of me refuses to let this obstacle get in my way, damn it. I want this degree soooo bad and I refuse to give in. I am going to fight, tooth and nail. But, I am tired, weary and the fight is dwindling. I can only pray that the problem is something simple and that it can be fixed expediently. (hah, fancy word, did i use it properly? lol). Anyway, as it looks, we are back to waiting for my student to loan to come through, which I have heard nothing about so far, other than it will be processed somewhere btwn the 9th and 23th of this month. What happens from there, who knows. All I know is that I need the money, I need my car fixed and I need to be able to get on with my measely life, already. Gah! I can laugh...I just did, seriously.


Enough whining already, I know. Makenneh has her first field trip of the year on the 13th. We are going to Grandpa Tiny's Farm. Thankfully, it's on a friday, so I will be able to join her! I was worried about being able to attend field trips and such. Makenneh is doing better in school every time papers are sent home. When she does something wrong, we go over it with her when she gets home, we practice and I tell her to be sure to follow directions. It seems to be paying off because she had a paper to do with patterns. You know, what comes next?! Well, she got 2 of the 5 wrong. I sat her down, made up some new patterns and had her fill in what came next. We practiced it, talked about it and today she brought home one that was perfect! Way to go! She is so eager to learn and just loves school, so I don't worry too much about her slow beginning thanks to mommy with postpartum depression and her head up her rear a bit. I did a few things right, I suppose!

Sebastian is totally, completely potty trained. I haven't bought diapers in about 3 weeks maybe. And we skipped the pull up stage altogether. Just on into big boy undies!

Well, I am going to close for now because I need to get to bed. I am tired, in pain from cramps that won't quit and just feel blah.

I will post the lyrics to that song, before I go, because they are great and speak to me....hope you enjoy them:

Moments, by Emerson Drive

I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments