snow and stuff

We have enough snow to make a snowman and that's what the kids did today. I spent most of the day shopping and don't get too excited. It wasn't really exciting kind of shopping. I started out running to walmart to get a few things we needed. I was on my way home when my sister calls and wanted me to go there with her. So, I turned around and headed back. She needed a few things, as they are trying to get the house ready for their new addition...making do with limited space. It ended up being a 5 hour ordeal. And I had forgotten that one of the things I had to pick up at walmart was the buns for dinner....we were going to have BBB beef sandwiches. Well, they had to switch it to roast because I wasn't here with the buns. Oh well, at least they got to eat. haha.

I am in another one of my anxiety attacks. I have been this way much since I got home. I was stressed about having been gone so long, for one thing. Stressed bc Jeremy wanted ice cream and mom bitches when we get anything like that because my dad will eat it til it's gone and then be grumpy bc the of the sugar overdose. Things like this is part of my stress. I feel like I am literally being torn in two separate directions. Jeremy pulls me one way (like wanting ice cream) and mom the other (not wanting it here). Making dinner is redicilous. Jeremy absolutely hates onions. My family loves them. I can never please everybody. I can never make everyone happy. It is getting old. If we had our own place, I would make dinner to suit my family and tht would work. I wouldn't have to worry about omitting onions, bc I am not that worried about going without freakin onions. It's not the end of my world. Just all these little things piling up and sitting on my chest like a gosh damned elephant. I realized tonight that I am going to have to go into my doctor and see about getting on some sort of medication for these attacks. I don't think I need a daily med like prozac, but rather an occasional med for when I have the attacks. The downfall to that is, I think the only pills for that cause drowsiness. Or there's always alcohol. LOL. I had to throw that in there because I am writing my term paper on alcoholism. It does actually reduce both physical and mental tension. That's how it can become an addiction for some people. Anyway.....

I was hoping that in writing here, my heart would slow down and settle down. It is working a little bit. It would probably help to get Makenneh to bed. She doesn't have school tomorrow, or again until Dec. 1st. She is sitting her being very good, coloring me pictures. However, she keeps asking me what colors she should use nad while she is just trying to be socialable, i need some peace and quiet. I am going along happily with her game for now. She has been such a good girl lately, I am so proud of her.

I have to find an activity to get Sebastian involved in so he isn't wanting to sit around and play video games all day. He does not want to get out and play, he doesn't want to read, he doesn't want to do anything but pway. UGh. have i ever mentioned that i despise video games? Yes, i do. Maybe he will grow up to be a video game designer and make big bucks?! Just maybe it will be put to good use.

I need to start my exercize video back up. I was doing it every day for awhile but my vcr broke and so i was unable to do it. Now we have a working vcr so it's time to get back into it. It may just help this stress. OK not may, it will. I would feel better all the way around. And the workout is actually fun. The name of it, for anyone interested, is Walk Away the Pounds, with Leslie Simmons. It is something that anybody can pretty much do. If I can get my big butt moving and huff through it, most anyone could. She focuses on doing what you can and just "walking" through the exercizes you can't master. I refused to do that, so I sucked it up and did it all. "Look at this fat chick keeping up with the rest of ya!", as I worked out with my mom and aunts. LOL.

Well, I am gonna get off here and do something, all tht thought about exercise has made me tired. LOL, just kidding. Funny thought though, huh?!