what a weekend

Yesterday was Jeremy's cousin's wedding reception. We had a great time. My mom, sister and I did all the cooking and serving, so that made for a very long, tiring day, but I was finally able to put the apron up and have a good time. Today we are getting ready to head to the lake for some fishing and a picnic. I must say that I think I have fallen more in love with my husband this weekend...he has just been great! He dealt with the kids at the reception while I did the food and then while I danced the night away and had a good time. I woke up this morning with severely aching legs. Between standing on them for nearly 12 hours straight with dancing thrown in there, well, they hurt. But, after I got up and around, the stiffness and soreness started to go away. My fingers even hurt.

I start classes tomorrow for summer. The college called me on Wed to tell me that both of my classes I had signed up for (business math and intro to business) were canceled. So, I wasn't able to get back up there to reschedule two classes until Friday. I signed up for advertising and principles of marketing. I have heard these were fun/easy classes..just the type of classes for summer. I also signed up for a couple of my fall classes but I have to go through and find two more. It is so hard because the internship class that I need for social work is right in teh middle of the day ...so I have to work my schedule around that while keeping in mind the need to fulfill 150 hours of internship, so needing to leave some hours available to do so.

Last night while at the reception, I discovered that if everything goes as planned for school..i should be finished with my Masters when my brother in law finishes with his PhD. My mother in law says we will have to throw one heck of a huge party! LOL.

Well, my brother and sister in law just got here, so I am off here to visit and then head to the lake.

Was it Father's Day?

I actually had a decent day yesterday. We went to the breakfast at the church...9am! While there, Sebastian was very disinterested in eating and was just sitting there, staring off...then he leaned his head back in his chair and closed his eyes..it was almost creepy. I looked at Jeremy and was like, what is wrong with him? Well, unbeknown to me, Sebastian had had diarrhea again that morning. I was unaware of this, as I woke up in time to throw myself together and go. We ended up leaving and coming home. I didn't want to have him there sick. I utilized the time to get ready for the cookout for Father's Day. By the time my parents got home, everything was pretty much set. So, things ran smoothly for the day..the kids played in the pool and at push-ups and bomb pops. It was a relaxing day for everything. And Makenneh's behavior was good. I almost thought perhaps it was Mother's Day.

So, it seems that I didn't post about Makenneh's hand, so I will give the rundown now. She was playing at my Uncle Ken's on or near his utility trailer. The kids were catching baby frogs that were everywhere! Next thing I hear is Makenneh crying. She had fell, Seb came and told dad and he was out getting her. I called my family doc, who wasn't in, and he said to take her to the after hours clinic. We waited until the opened and took her up there. They did an xray, he said it wasn't broken, but needed a splint. I followed up with my family doctor the next day and because none of the reports had been sent over, he didn't know if it was broken, etc. He told me to pick up the xray film, bring it to him monday and he would cast it. So, that's what I did. I took her in today and after 2 trips (forgot the film the first time) and going out of my way because I was in never never land, we got there and he put the cast on. She has a hairline fracture so he wanted it casted for 3 weeks. I was so glad that it will only be on for 3 weeks. She will still have plenty of summer fun left after the cast. I tried the plastic bag and tape method today but somehow, water still got in. Not to mention, removing the tape left a nasty red mark/bruise. But, to use weaker tape would be pointless because it wouldn't stick at all in the water. I will gladly take any and all suggestions. It is just one of those intex easy set pools....up to makenneh's midsection.

The heat has rolled in and summer is in full swing. temps will be hovering near 90* this week. If the humidity stays low, I can handle it...otherwise, I will become quite the ornery bitch. Oh wait, it doesn't necessarily take heat to do that. ;)

Well, I am exhausted and off to finish on here before bed. No plans in the works for tomorrow, so I plan to stay home and vegitate!

Living Hell

But first...some pictures
Liberty



Don't we just look happy? Makenneh was over having her picture taken on her graduation day! CAn't you tell?



Just the three of us. She wasn't so grumpy here, though!





Makenneh and Sebastian.




Makenneh and Aunt Carrie looking cool for the camera...i love this one



With her flowers from Grandma Chris, after her ceremony....I haven't gotten to the ones of the actual ceremony yet....read on and you will understand.




I feel as though that ugly black hole is sucking me in again. The past few days have become a living hell for me. Makenneh fractured her arm, as I think I mentioned in a post....if not, she fell while outside catching baby frogs and I took her to the after hours, per our doctor's instruction. They did an xray, the doc said it wasn't broken, put it in a splint told me to follow up with our family doctor in a day or two. Well, my doctor's summer hours leaves the office closed on fridays, that was Wednesday, so I called first thing thurs morning and got an 1140 appointment. I took her in, but the after hours hadn't faxed my doc the report or anything, so he had nothing to go on. He of course looked at it and such, called the diagnostics center for the after hours clinic, they said they would fax it over, but when he received the fax, while we were there, it said nothing of value to him. So, he asked if I could pick the film up from the office (it's near where I live) and bring it in first thing Monday morning and if a cast was needed, he would send me for casting. Well, we spent about 4 hours with that visit because the doc was running way behind. The next day I go get the film and ask the ladies at the desk if the film had been read yet. Yes, he just read them this morning but hasn't written his report yet. Nice. She said the the after hours doc had said it was broken. Funny because he sure as hell didn't tell ME that. She looked at the paperwork with the xray and said that that report said it's a fracture of the radial something or another medical term which I don't recall. I felt my heart fall to my knees. I was really hoping it was just a minor injury, splint for a few weeks and voila. However, I am most certain that it will be casted on Monday. I walked out of that office with tears in my eyes. It is summer. We just got the pool up. And she is going to be in a cast. She is already miserable and grouchy with the splint which is removable. She has mosquito bites on her arms which itch. She wants it off to scratch. I don't look forward to how miserable and grumpy she is going to be with a cast. Do I pity her or me more? I am not sure at this point. ;)

As far as the vomiting...hasn't happened since last Sunday morning (5am). However, I have noticed that she hasn't had a bowel movement. I delayed the enema because with this splint/fractured hand, it is going to ever so difficult for her to keep pulling down pants to go to teh bathroom. However, I am going to talk to the doctor on Monday about that.

Sebastian woke up with severe diarhea this morning. I cried. I am so overwhelmed with all of it. I just want to run away. Add to it the fact that Makenneh has become almost unbearable. She is mouthy, obstinant, rude, disrespectful and just plain defiant. There is no getting through to her. If we send her to her room, it's a string of disrespect spewing from her mouth and she hates us and all but damns us to hell. If she make her sit in time out, she runs her mouth the entire time, almost as if instigating. She raises her fist, she swings, she throws things. At some point, the behavior has to be plain stopped dead in it's tracks...that's when she gets a spanking on her bottom. She will cry as if the world is ending, spew more vile, and round and round. Then, after a while, she is sweet as sugar, as if it never happened, UNTIL one teeny tiny thing sets her off and it's round 2. or really, 1323343232 because they never seem to stop. In the midst of all this, JEremy and I have argued because we don't agree with each other on dealing with her. I do know that I give in when I shouldn't. But, I reach a breaking point where I would just as soon jump in that car and drive until it won't go anymore. Today, I broke. I layed in the bed, curled in a near fetal position, crying. We had stayed at my uncle's last night. IT was a bad night for Makenneh..my cousin was being loud with some plastic cups, woke her up. She cried that he hand really hurt and she wanted a bath. So, at midnight, I run her a bath. She starts crying in that tired voice that she is soooo itchy and wants her itchy medicine. I didn't have it with me. I run home to get it because we live just down the road. I get back, she is out of bath, laying back down. I give her the medicine and get her some ice. We all go to bed. A little while later, she is up because she dumped some of her water down her and needs to change (which she can no longer do herself). So, I got up, changed her clothes, she gets settled back down. Then, this morning...my mom stops down. Wants me to go to the store with her. I wanted to go because I didn't get my father's day gifts yet. Makenneh is immidiately at my side whining that she wants me to stay here forever and don't go and if you go, I won't ....blah blah. I told my mom to forget it, I am sick of the hassles, I am sick of the fights, I will stay home. I get up, go lay in the bed and that's where the tears start. I lay there thinking about how swallowed up one can become in motherhood. You give and you give and try and you give your best and you sometimes fail. But, in the midst of all it, well, you just seem to wake one day and not know where you went. Swallowed up. Lost. I have this child who thinks that the world revolves around her. I have begun to repeat this phrase to her: You are the center of my universe, but my world doesn't revolve solely around you. It doesn't. It can't. Someone has to cook, clean, chase, gather, locate, buy, etc. Some major changes have to take place. Now. No longer will I be at her beckon call. She is famous for sitting in another room and hollering out, "MOOOOOOOMMMM". To which I more oft than not, get up to see what she wants. NO more. She will come to me, unless she is hurt, stuck or otherwise unable to physically bring herself to me. They will get their drinks, go potty, do all that good stuff and then go to bed. Once they enter that bedroom...they will stay, again, barring some emergency..illness, etc. I will not be a maid or butler for their services while they lay in bed contemplating sleep. I will take my life back over. I am the adult. The parent. I realized today that perhaps generations past had the right idea about children's place. Yes, children should have a voice...but when it overrules the adults...there is a problem. IN having a voice, my children rarely use it for constructive problem solving....they instead use it to whine and plead and whine some more. Point being: reprimanded for behavior while in pool. Constructive voice would be to explain their side, in a normal, non whining voice. makenneh opts to throw herself a tantrum the size of texas. test the patience of every single adult in the vicinity. I think that children need that restriction. It is my way, because I am the parent. Because this is how you are expected to behave, treat others, etc. No room for discussion. That's it. Period. Done. Failure to do so will result in loss of freedoms/luxuries/etc. It will be rough. I am going to be tested beyond my limits, I know. But, some day she is going to be 13. If I don't get this under control now, I will never have it under control. And frankly, this whole mess is killing me. It is breaking me. I cannot keep going through this. I love her so much it literally hurts. It hurts because I see a beautiful, funny, smart girl before me, that I made, and yet, I rarely get to see that side of her. I mostly get to see this ugly, mean, disrespectful side. I praise her beyond belief when she is kind and loving and wonderful. I pour it on. Because I want her to understand she will get further with kindness than with meanness. I talk to her when she is in a "good" mood about the importance of being kind and being someone others enjoy being around. I remind her that nobody wants to be around someone who is yelling, arguing, and mean. But, still here we are. Ears plugged, scowl on face. I plan to discuss this with our doctor on Monday, as well. Even if he can just do a couple sessions with Jeremy and I to help us get on the same page. That would be a step in the right direction.

So, tomorrow is Father's Day. I had planned this day at the lake, for fishing, cook out, etc. Well, with the hell of the past few days, I would much rather stay holed up in my room without a soul interrupting. But, the show must go on. We had so much that had to be done because it was planned for us that we would go to the breakfast the church is putting on at 9am. So, that leaves no prep time for this outting. And makes for an extremely long day with a grumpy Makenneh because she has been awakened too early. I dread it already. Just shoot me already, please. I mean, the idea is great...but it would have been better as a brunch after services, versus b'fast before. So, in a scurry to get things done tonight, as the midnight hour approaches, we decide that perhaps it's better to eat here then go to the lake. I am nervous that there won't be any open grills/tables/pavillions. Originally when I suggested this, I had no idea how popular this particular lake has become. I used to go there a lot, fishing, with an ex boyfriend. It was always empty...one or two groups there, on a boat. Jeremy and I stopped tehre the other day to check it out and it was packed, on a friday, middle of the day. Whoa! So, I guess we will eat here, then those who want to do the fishing hting can do do that afterward. Hopefully Jeremy will be ok with that, as he really wants to go fishing and well, it is father's day afterall and I had promised him fishing.

Anyway, now that I've vented, bitched and complained, I need to get to bed, so I can get some sleep. I hope, I pray that tomorrow is a better day. Lord, please let her wake in a beautiful mood and remain in one, just one day, even, I need a reprieve. Thank you, AMEN!

Doctor Update

I took Makenneh in yesterday. He checked her glands, felt her abdomen and there is some tenderness around the sigmoid colon. He had to do a simple rectal exam to check for blockage there. That seemed to be fine. He has suggested that I give her an oil retention enema followed by a saline enema and see if that helps. He is thinking that, like many kids, she held a bowel movement too long, causing some partial blockage. I hope that is it. He did do a urine test to check for a few things but they all came back negative. If the enema doesn't seem to help, then I take her back in to do some blood work. However, with all that said, she has not thrown up since early Sunday Morning. So, it almost seems as if she is better. I just don't know.

After the doc, I took the kids up to get their hair cut at a new salon...they had free hair cuts for kids 13 and under. Makenneh just got a trim...but it looks so much healthier. Seb got his shortened right up, can be spiked now. Of course, when she tried to spike it after cutting it, he gave her a scoul. HE doesn't like the spiked 'do at all. Never has.

it's raining cats, dogs and even horses here today. It doesn't look like it's going to clear up any time soon. Forecast says rain most of the day....most of the rest of the week really. blah.

Well, we are getting ready to head out the door, just wanted to update everyone on Makenneh's issue.

To the Doctor

tomorrow. I am taking Makenneh in to get her checked. She will be seemingly fine one day (0r one moment) then sick to her stomach and throwing up. I hope it is something simple like dehydration (I say simple, because with water, that can be taken care of) as Stacy suggested. Unfortunately, diabetes does run in our family and so, well, I really hope Julie is wrong. ;)

The strange thing is, we have been staying at my uncles this past week and his girlfriend got sick and missed work friday..spent all night and day sick, puking, diarrhea and then my cousin got sick and threw up too on friday. So there is a bug going around here. I have thought that it could be due to her weakened immune system. That last time she and I got real sick (went to ER...codeine for me, remember?) well, the follow up visit with our doc he told me that she will be vulnerable for some time after that illness. so, i am thinking it could be due to that and bugs are going around..she just happens to pick them up whereas the rest of us are mostly able to fight them off. I kept her home from church this morning even though I feel bad because they are doing the Sunshine store today so the kids can buy things for Father's Day. But, i couldn't send her knowing she was up around 5am throwing up. Even though, she will most likely feel okay when she does wake up.

The weather has been quite mild lately....even getting quite chilly at night. I won't complain though because it won't be long and the days will be so hottt and the nights hot still and miserable and hard to sleep. My dad and Jeremy are supposed to be setting up the pool soon, so hopefully we can spend lots of time in it when it does get hot. My Uncle gave us the pool, it's larger than the one we had but still one of those easy set pools. It does require a ladder though, so it will be large enough to have fun and stay cool.

Yeah, nothing too exciting this morning. Of course, I would rather be in bed still. I didn't go to bed until quite late....really around 5am. My uncle's friend and his gf came over and we all played cards...By the time they left, I wound down and tried to sleep, well, makenneh was up sick. Then, my mom was here at 8am to see if Kenneh was going to church..i couldn't go back to sleep after that and then before I knew it, Seb was up, rearing to go. I'm just glad I only had one beer...because while I didn't get much sleep, at least I don't have a hang over. I don't like those, which is why I don't drink much.

well, I am off here ..enjoy the day

School's Out

Well, Makenneh's last day was Monday and that was her graduation. The ceremony was cute, we got lots of pictures. then, we went to lunch to celebrate. We have been staying at my uncle's since that night. it gives my parents a break and us a break, too. And he lives just down the road, so not a big deal. I am at home right now, we had an open house to go to...mom, Seb and I got there, no sooner finished our plates and Makenneh called from her friend's house to say she was sick. So, I rushed home to her. She is now sleeping. I plan to take her to the doctor on Monday to find out why she keeps getting "sick". I put the "" there because, she only gets a stomach ache, sometimes pukes...no diarrhea, no fever, and it comes and goes. So, I don't know what to think about it but it has been happening on and off for about a month now.

Last night I took Makenneh and her friend Emilee to the Church School's Out picnic. We had burgers and hot dogs and they had games and stuff for the kids to play. Then,. Makenneha nd her friend stayed the night here.

Nothing too exciting to post. Just same ol, every day stuff. Thought I would check in. I will try to get back here and post some pics soon.

Fishing

Julie's comment made me realize I should acknowledge that yes, fishing is Jeremy's escape, albeit one of several. (video games, movies and even craigslist lately). I mostly try not to mind, but sometimes it still frustrates me because he gets his "me time" and well, I so seldom do, in that there isn't "one thing" that I just get to go do without any thought to kids and such. I do play bunco once a month, gone for about 3 hours in the evening. Other than that, I have nothing that takes me away for pleasure. So, sometimes, i feel a tad envious that he has his fishing. But, I can't say that it's always that way. More times than not, i am thankful for the fishing because when he doesn't have that time to refresh, he can get quite grumpy. I do imagine that he often feels like a rat in cage, with no way out. I cam empathize with him on that. I don't begrudge him his fishing. I really don't. But, when it's a hectic day with kids, or we have absolutely no money and he is wanting to go fishing, it frustrates me that he doesn't seem able to see the big picture. He wants what he wants, i feel, with no thought to the big picture. I still love him though, nonetheless. And even when I'm pmsing and wanting to bitch about things, I am still aware that he does some pretty awesome things (like take kids fishing with) and those good things far outweigh the others.

I had to go to the senior center today to show my boss to put in the MMAP applications. It was a hectic morning. Mom went to Ann Arbor with Carrie for a follow-up visit and to determine what other course of action needs to take place regarding her tear. Dad had to go the high school to sort out a mess with Christopher regarding graduation. Jeremy had to be to work at 830, Makenneh on the bus around 820. Yeah, so we loaded the kids up, dropped Jeremy off at work, took Makenneh to school, then I had to run to walmart for a phone card. I got home, dad wasn't here yet..i waited around but was running out of time. I had to be in before 1pm to show Ruben that application process. Makenneh gets off the bus around 1215. Finally, i decided to take Seb with me to the senior center, call my cousin and have him on standby in case I didn't make it back in time to get Makenneh off the bus. I arrive at the senior center, walk Ruben through the steps and my cell phone rings. It's the school..m.akenneh got sick in class. So, I had to go pick her up. I finished up real quick with Ruben and Seb and I headed to get Makenneh. I got there and she was sitting in the office, the entire front of her wet from them cleaning puke off her. The poor girl. She has been in bed ever since. Now, I need to run to the grocery store to get a few things that are on sale, including meat for tonight's dinner. however, dad is working on some project outside, Makenneh is sleeping. I could just take Seb with me, but I don't want to leave Kenneh in here by herself, in case she wakes up puking or something.

Ahhh, mom and sis just got home! I am off to get hings done then..may be back later.

Thank God and..

Nonflammable additives for bedding. Makenneh had a night light....Hannah Montana one. She used it every night. Well, not last night but the night before, as we were preparing for bed....she said, "Mom, I need a new night light, this one is broke." I look, notice the bulb missing. I scour her bed for any broken glass, and shake out the blanket. Nothing. Hmmm, peculiar it is. Sure that the glass is gone (but who knows where), I have her climb into bed, and I lay down beside her. We cover with her favorite Pooh Bear Blanket. She says, "mom, there is something on my blanket...glass I think." I have Seb get up and turn the light on so as not to disturb the possible glass on our blanket. I look and it wasn't just glass....the night light had gotten so hot and her blanket was touching it (apparently the night before) that it melted part of the bulb to the blanket, burned a hole the size of a golf ball into the blanket. I felt sooo sick to my stomach to think that had it not been for the nonflammable substance they add to bedding and such, well, that blanket very well could have caught fire and burned my baby right up. There will be no more night lights plugged in near the bed.

Well,Jeremy just came in and wants to go fishing. So, I guess I get to drop him off. Sometimes it frustrates me...like, is that all he thinks about?