What gives

So, The weekend of the 19th, I found a bug in Makenneh's hair. Great! I wanted to just break down and cry. I knew of all the money and hard work this would involve. I sat here on the verge of tears as Jeremy tried to reassure me that it was going to be ok. Easy for him to say, he had no idea of the work involved to treat for head lice. It was like 1am and she had woke up from sleep bc her head was itching. So, off to walmart i trapsed to spend money we didn't have on head lice treatment. it came to over 30.00. That was going with the Store brand. Well, I came home, got some sleep and woke up to clean, shampoo heads, pick nits/lice, clean some more. I had mountains of laundry to do, bagged up all the stuffed animals and set them outside in the frigid cold. it took all weekend and hten some to catch up on the laundry this created. Put all the hair things in boiling water, sprayed the furniture and beds with lice spray...u name it. Well, the following weekend, i found another bug in Makenneh's hair. This time i was fit to be tied. We had money this time, as we got our income tax return back, but it still was a lot of work. So, i called the health department to find out what all i needed to do, if i was doing anything wrong or missing anything. Because, i was determined not to go through this mess again. The nurse at the health department said that all that cleaning isnt really necessary as lice won't live with out a host. If a lice comes unattached from the hair, it is either injured and dying or already dead. She explained that they have 6 legs with a claw on the end of each leg that is used for clinging to the hair. She said they don't jump and don't even really run fast. They are transmitted through head to head contact. Hmmmm. She told me that what i was experiencing was the eggs hatching from the first infestation. She said to go through her hair and pick out every nit. Great...if you have never had to deal with head lice (lucky you), these nits are very small and often go unseen without a high watt bulb and magnifying glass. So anyway, i had called my mom and asked her to go to walmart and pick up the treatment and also the robi comb which is an electronic comb that detects and kills lice. i figured this would make it easier for going through her hair. Have you ever tried to have a 3 yr old sit still for a half hour or so, while you go through their hair with a fine tooth comb, literally speaking? It isn't easy, i tell ya. Well, i decided to reshampoo her even though the nurse said to just concentrate on the nits. I just didn't want to risk it. I wanted the bugs gone. So, i picked through her hair, combed through with the robi comb, until all came up clean, then shampooed her again. Then, i checked sebs hair, which was clean. I then ran that blasted comb through my hair. My hair is curly and tangly and omg, i would rather have a tooth pulled than go through that. We still put any used bedding in the dryer (bc btw, my washer puked after all the laundry from the first go round), and still put all the toys bag in bags and out in the cold, where they still are, i might add.

Then, saturday, the kids stayed at my uncles. The next day, Sunday (yesterday), i went to my moms and we had planned on doing some shopping. My uncle siad the kids would be fine there and I thought it would be nice for mom and i to get out just the two of us. WE went to the grocery store first and then as we were close to her house, i mentioned doing lunch. So, we headed into Clio to get gas and then to lunch. That's when Jeremy called about his mom. So, read the previous post for that story.

FAst foward to today. I get up to my phone ringing. It's my mother in law. she sounds better, but needs me to bring her some things and also wanted to remind me to get the important documents she had in her apartment over to the complex office. So, i jump in shower and off i go. I called moma nd told her after i took care of Chris's business, i would be there to get the kids so she could go shopping with my sister. I get to my mom's and was just visiting for a little bit. then, dad calls out....Mooom....guess what i just found? UGh...i bug in my baby's hair! Yes, in sebastians fine white hair. I just broke. I sat down and sobbed. I was emotionally, mentally adn physically exhausted and now this! I asked makenneh to sit down so i could go through her hair. she made a huge production and kept arguing with me. Yes, i snapped. God forbid, i snapped. I didn't do anything extreme, but i grabbed her firmly and planted her ass on the seat and yelled that she would sit and let me to do this...through clenched teeth and sobs. So, dad yelled at me for that...Jesus Christ, Christina, just relax...blah blah blah. THen, mom piped up to him that i just spent 12 hrs in er and haven't had much sleep and that im exhausted. Something only another mom can truly understand. He just keeps going and going, running his mouth. I don't know how else to explain it. He gets on tyrades where he just bitches and rants and raves. I hate them. So, mom steps outside and I get makenneh to cooperate a bit. he has to come into the front room and say more shit. I don't even remember all of it. But, i do remember biting back that she should have had her head gone through yesterday for nit check. He said, well then you should have brought the stuff over then. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? I think to myself. I said instead, through sobs (this man always seems to know how to cut to the very core of a person)....IM SORRY BUT I DIDN'T PLAN ON GOING TO THE ER. i DIDNT' PLAN ON SPENDING 12 HOURS THERE. I didn't know thats how my day w2ould go. Somehow, he still thought i should have forseen this emergency and brought the stuff with me. Which btw, there is no "stuff" needed, just a damn light and magnifying glass if you have one. Then, he said, all you had to do was speak up...we could have gotten it or something. "IM SORRY, HEADLICE WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND LAST NIGHT,". And he came back with, "Yeah, ok whatever!" He seriously thinks im an incompetant, stupid, irresponsible parent/person. Then, he tells me that I have problems. big problems and the nits aren't the problem. And i need help. Im fucked up. DUH! I suffer from depression! I am supposed to be on meds. I am not on said meds. Hah, now smart ass, tell me something i don't know. That's what i think now, but at the time, his words broke me.

I grabbed my kids and our stuff quick as shit and headed for the door. I am an adult and don't have to deal with his verbal abuse. I can leave. I have my own home to go to. Mom had come in and tried telling me to leave the kids there so i could go home and sleep. I told her no way. I was taking me and my messed up kids home. He did all this in front of my kids. He belittled me, raged at me and said those awful things to me IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. So, i went out to load the kids in the car. Mom was on my heels to help me. she knew i was hurt and angry. She didn't really want me driving but i assured her i would be fine. I backed out of the driveway and called jeremy. I cried and cried, i sobbed to him. He wanted me to pull over but i toldi couldn't. I had to get home. as the crying got worse, i knew it was best for my kids for me to pull over, so i pulled into the church driveway at hte first intersection. I sat there and just cried. I just wanted to get home to him. TO have him hug me and make it all better. But, as long as i was crying myself into convulsions, i knew i couldn't drive. So, i let him go so i could try to calm down. I get back on the road and ever few minutes let out sobs. I wanted to run somewhere. I wanted to be held. I wanted to vent. I wanted my aunt Dawn. I yelled at God again for taking her from me. She was always my safe haven when i needed one. And i needed one now. I wanted so bad to turn around and just go cry at her grave. But, i knew i had to get the kids home and safely. I decided against taking the expressway bc i was in no condition to drive at that fast of a speed. So, as i was coming up to a 4way stop, i look in my rear view mirror and saw my mom, in the van, coming up behind me. I lost it again, bc i just knew that they had gotten into a fight. I called jeremy again, crying and told him. He tried to get me to pull off the road agian, but i just wanted to be home. I hung up and called mom and asked what she was doing. ALthough, i knew the answer. She said she was following me and i just left it at that. I got home and we both sat in our vehicles for a minute. JEremy came out to get the kids for me and I went to the van. Mom was just crying. I told her to come in the house. We got in here and after we had calmed down a bit, i asked her what happened. Sure enough, she had gone back in the house to get her boots and coats to follow me (bc she knew i shouldn't be driving) and he came out and laid into her with his verbal assault. He needed money and if she couldn't give it to him right now, then he wanted to check book, credit cards and blah blah. And she just spends his money and this nad that and even raised his fist to her. I dont know if its his old age (gee, he isnt that old at 46, but hear me out), but He seems to wanna get physical anymore. A year or so ago, he pushed her down so hard she hurt her shoulder and still has trouble with it bc she wouldn't go in to the doc for it. She didn't wanna tell the doc how it happened. In that fight, a picture frame had even gotten broken bc when he pushed her she flew and landed against stuff and it fell and broke. Anyway, when he raised his fist she told him to go ahead and hit her. Oh but lets not forget that he told her she was messed up too. WTF, everyone is messed up but him. And he misses no bones about telling us how fucked up we are, yet he is against counseling and medication for our fucked up heads. go figure. perhaps, he wants those around him to be "fucked up" so he can feel superior. I feel awful even typing this, but I don't understand him. I sometimes wonder if he just wants to die a lonely old man. He cannot treat those he loves like this and expect that it is ok. How would he feel if Jeremy were to talk to me like that, or raise a fist to me, or push me around? Would that be ok? Is he being the type of man he wants his son in laws to be? I wonder. He needs help. He needs to get his anger and/or suppressed feelings out. They are going to ruin his life if he continues to let them run his life. he is a very stubborn man and seems to think he is somehow superior to others at times. I don't know why he has to be like that, but i don't like it. I don't like he thinks he has all the answers to life's problems from his seat on the couch.

anyway, my mother in law still is waiting for her stuff and her battery is dead on her cell phone. I need to pull myself together and take care of that. So, im off here.