A Purpose Under Heaven

The past few days have been extremely difficult. I got a call on Tuesday morning from my mother in law. She called to tell us that Grandma was in the hospital and not doing well and we needed to come. Jeremy was at his interview, so I had to wait for him to get home. He got home around 11am and we headed up to the hospital. When we got there, the site of gma in that hospital bed told it all. I knew that she would never be coming home again. This was it. We spent all tuesday and Wednesday at the hospital. Jeremy wouldn't go in the room but a few times, because he couldn't stand to watch her suffer. They were giving her meds to up her blood pressure and they were withholding pain medicine all so that the oldest son could make it up here in time from Georgia. It upset Jeremy that they would allow her to lay in pain while we waited. The one time yesterday that we went in her room, Jeremy leaned over and kissed her and told her he loved her and then just broke down...he said he had to get out of the room, he couldn't do it. couldn't watch her suffer like that. He told me how selfish he thought it was. And it was. I can understand both sides of it, because if it were my mother, I would want to be there too. But at the same time, we have the memory of watching her writhe in pain.
We stayed up at the hospital overnight and I ran on no sleep for the two days. By the time night came last night, I was mentally and physically exhausted. But, i told Jeremy we could stay or go, whatever he wanted to do. He chose to come home. WE were home about 45 mins, had just gotten into bed when the phone rang. And I knew, as soon as it did, who was calling and what they would say. Grandma passed away peacefully last night. She was getting the pain meds and the hospital staff had taken her off the meds that were keeping her blood pressure up high enough. She was 73 years old. Ironically, last night, we were standing outside and Jeremy was looking up at the stars, just taking them in. And, as it turns out, that was about the time that grandma passed away. We will all miss her, but she isn't suffering now. She is at peace, she is with the Lord and she has great things waiting for her up there, including her son who was still born, 3o yrs ago and her husband who passed about ten years ago.

My heart breaks for Jeremy because I have been where he is at. It is very painful and sad. I know there is nothing I can do to make it better, but I know that just by me being there, holding him, letting him cry, sitting back and letting him do what he needs to do..that all helps. I keep thinking of this country song....i have to look it up because it has been in my head. But it goes like this:
I took this same walk with my old man, boy, I've been in your shoes.
You can't hold back the hands of time, it's just something you've got to do
so dry your eyes, i understand just what you're going through....

I don't know who sings it though.

Anyway, i feel like I am wasting time. I feel absolutely beside myself these days. I am going to get off here and work on some homework or something. Please keep the family in your thoughts and prayers, as they will need the strength and comfort to get through.