Down I go

I was going out to my car yesterday to get Makenneh's snow pants and when I reached the end of the brick walk way..i felt. Right on my knees. It hurt then and it hurts more now. My one knee is bruised and my ankle hurts a bit (not like a break or sprain, but it hurts). And then of course, all those muscles along the ribs and in the stomach..yeah, i feel them too.

Today was the meat sale at a local grocery store. They have one every month. I don't usually go, but this month, they had a few things I wanted. My sister wanted me to pick her up some burger while I was there, too. OMG! This is a small, old grocery store. Locally owned. It gets sooo crowded during these sales, it's ridiculous. Today, so many people were just standing around waiting as the meat came out. The butcher/meat dept couldn't keep the meat coming out fast enough. As the girl would bring a rack out, people were grabbing the meat right off the cart. It was crazy. I was able to get the things I had gone for though.

I broke the news to my mom today that Jeremy and I plan on moving out asap. It's not the best financial decision and I know we will struggle like crazy, but the truth is, I cannot keep staying here and keep my sanity too. When I get my student loan and reimbursement from financial aid, we plan to use that money to pay up a few months worth of rent. We have to hope that Jeremy can stay busy enough with my uncle, doing the maintenance for the apartment complexes/homes that the landlord owns. The bit of extra money from that will help, until he can get a break and get a job. He puts in resumes/applications almost daily. The job listing section for our area has about 9 jobs and most of those are either those work at home scams or vaccuum sales type jobs. It is horrible. We just have to hold on to faith that he will get his break sooner rather than later. Ralph is going to talk to his cousin who won the representative seat in his district, to see if he can do anything to help Jeremy. The biggest draw back that makes things difficult for Jeremy to get a job is his lack of a license (long story but dates back to when he was 15 yrs old) and his record (again, long story but dates back to when he was 17). Both things were a lifetime ago and yet, he (and now we) still pay a price for stupid mistakes. And before anyone's mind runs wild....there were *NONviolent crimes involved, in fact, no victims period. (*Thank you Julie for pointing that typo out) It was joy riding in his parents' vehicle that lost his license and destruction of property that landed him in the big house. A lifetime ago. But with those two things..it is very hard to find jobs. Even manufacturing jobs want you to have a license. Not to mention, he was pulled over on 4th of July this year and almost taken to jail, my car impounded. He hasn't driven since, because it isn't worth the risk. But it makes it very difficult to get things done. Not to mention he feels like a caged rat...not able to ever just leave on his own, by himself. That added to him not working and he just feels like a big pile of shit. I reassure him that it is ok. It has to be. I realize the road blocks and I fully understand them. It isn't as if he wants to sit around on his ass all day, every day. It makes him crazy. I really hope that Ralph's cousin is able to do something to help out. It would be the greatest gift we have ever received. Just having a license, alone, would make our lives so much easier and productive. And make him more employable and happier and less stressed. In the meantime, I will continue with my education and hopefully we can make it until I have a degree and can get a real job with a real income that will allow us a sliver of the pie that is called the American Dream.

Well, I am off to do something, even if it's wrong....lol.

Oh, I forgot to mention..I had a lightbulb moment. I thought about referring Desiree (my cousin who lost her mom and whose dad just gave her up because he didn't want her anymore) to Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I did it online and within 30 mins tops, a representative called me. The case manager was supposed to call my aunt today (the one who has guardianship of Des) to set up a meeting to get it started. She said that they usually take children from single family homes, but given her curcumstances, she would qualify. The lady said she couldn't believe what the poor girl has gone through and that it was real. She is going to work hard to find a match for Des..she said she wants to find an older woman, who will be constant and committed because she realized Des doesn't need anymore people leaving her. I was so grateful, i had tears in my eyes. I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner!