Why?

I've been following the blog of Kristy Schwade. If you are unaware, her baby, Kaleb, is currently in ICU after suffering injuries from Shaken Baby Syndrome while left at daycare. Their story is sad. Every day, she updates with Kaleb's progress (and setbacks). My heart breaks for them. But her strength in God is uplifting. She manages to get through day to day. I don't know how she does it. Here's the link to her myspace where she keeps updates posted. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=34091583
I just don't understand how anyone could do this. I have suffered ppd, i deal with severe depression...i get highly aggravated with my children at times. But never, have I even thought of shaking them or causing them harm. It just saddens me to hear stories like this. How does one get to that point? Why don't they set the baby down and just walk away? It would be better for the child to be left unattended in a crib or pack & play for awhile than to stay and allow yourself to get to that point.

On a positive note, I had a great evening with Makenneh tonight! She sat on my lap and just talked and talked. OF course, one question was, "how did i get out of your tummy?". OH, the big questions. For now, we just told her that the doctors helped get her out. I don't know how long that answer will satisfy her, as she is very interested in the whole baby thing right now. She was telling me that she has babies in her tummy. Then she tells me that God has her babies and when she grows up and gets married, he will put them in her tummy. It's amazing how she talks about this. She also says that God will make her a husband!

I did a lot of work around here today. I rearranged furniture. Yes, in this heat and humidity, i was moving couches, loveseats, chairs and entertainment centers. But, the entertainment (ET from here on out) was blocking a majority of one window and i wanted to be able to get a good cross-breeze. It looks nice in here and opened it up a bit. It's not my arrangement of choice, but we have too much furniture in too small a place...so we have to make do.

I took a nap tonight. I was tired. I stay up far too late. I can't help it though. It's insomnia or something. My brain doesn't shut down til 12am or later. And until my brain shuts down, i can't sleep. But, the nap was nice. Of course, lil monsters kept coming in and then Makenneh hung out in my bedroom most of the time, playing with her kitty. But it was still relaxing and nice. She told me tonight that someone needs need to fix my car bc we need it. She misses running the roads and getting out of the house, too. I knew that was a lot of the problems this past week. WE are all used to going somewhere at least every couple days. Even if it's just to my mom's.

Jeremy is coming down with something. It started a few days ago. I think he ran a fever, but we never took his temp. but, boy did his skin feel warm. Now he has a scratchy throat, congestion and all that good stuff. He's quite miserable. of course, give a man a cold and they think they are dying.

I am going to contact my case worker monday morning and see if they can help me get the car fixed. I know they have programs for it...they were going to do it for the other car we owned. Hopefully it work out. Last time, we had such a hassle finding a place to give us an estimate and all. Only certain places will work with vouchers from the state. Then, there's the issue of getting the car to the shop to get the estimate. Jeremy's friend drives a tow truck, maybe he will be able to help us out. Otherwise, i don't know what we will do. Please say a prayer that this avenue works out for us. Because, otherwise, i see no way we will have the money to get it fixed anytime soon. And I need to get to the college to get my verification done. I did get a letter from the college that I will get about 1300.00 per year. Not a whole lot, but hopefully it will cover the costs of tuition and books. Otherwise, it will be a no go. Student loans are very hard to obtain and my credit is shot, so i doubt i would get one. I might only be able to go one semester a year. Gosh that will take me absolutely forever to get my degree. But, i guess it would be better than not getting it at all. I hope it works out bc i really want to do this. I can taste it. For the first time in my life, i can SEE myself reaching this goal. I can SEE myself as a counselor. I can FEEL it in my bones. I can ENVISION having financial security and a career.

Well, that's it for now. I could be back later, bc i had a late nap and could be up for awhile. The internet gets boring after i make my rounds.