Wahhhh, I don't want her to go

Makenneh's first day of Kindergarten is tomorrow....in about 10 hours or so....and I have become a blubbering blob of emotions. I didn't think it would be so hard because she has gone to school for the past two years. But, for some reason, I started having anxiety tonight. For one, I realized that we haven't even met her teacher, Makenneh has never been inside this school and oh my, what if she gets lost, scared, etc. I keep thinking of all the what-if possibilities and it makes me ill and fearful. I am usually not like this. I just feel like all my control is being handed over. I am handing one of my prized possessions (my son being the other) over to strangers. I have no control of her safety, well-being, etc for those several hours. I don't know. I have cried and cried. The anxiety actually started when i woke up this morning. We stayed at my uncle's last night. I got up and felt antsy as ever. I couldn't stand it. So, around 1pm we come home. I ran to the store with my mom after awhile and got home to be reminded I had a baby shower this afternoon and my mother in law had called, was on her way to get me. Great..had to rush around for that and abandon all other missions. Get home from at about 730 and well, it's time for bath and bed for the kids. I get Makenneh in the shower and she does fine...until it's time to get out. She melts down. She has an attitude, is being sassy as all hell and wow. It hits me..she is probably feeling anxious about tomorrow, so I stay calm with her. Light bulb goes off ..i still need to run up to the shcool to get the bus route info that should be posted on the doors. Aha. Tell Makenneh that if she is good and gets out of the shower, she can go with me, I will show her where her school is. She gets out and dressed....oh shit, dad is cleaning out car in prep for their trip tomorrow (mom and dad are leaving for a camping trip). Makenneh starts crying that she wants to see her school, I am stressed thinking I won't get to find out what bus she rides and what time she needs to be out there, etc. I bark at Jeremy that the HAS to get fixed, I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE!!!!!! Well, I come in the house and just break down. I call Makenneh into the bedroom and hold her. I wanted so badly to tell her it would be ok, but how could I? I can't be sure that it will be. I just stroke her hair for a moment while I regain my composure. Then, I tell her everything will ok and isn't it exciting and you are going to the very same school mama went to when she was a little girl, and oh the friends you will meet, and don't forget the new clothes and backpack and how fun! She still is upset bc she wants to see her school. I can understand that, because I want her to see it. But, I have no control over the vehicle situation. Did i mention that this is taking place around 8pm? I wanted her in bed at 8pm, not worrying over this stuff. To make a long story a lil shorter, dad finished washing car windows and whatever and mom runs us up there....there is nothing on the doors about teachers, classes, bus routes, nothing. But, she was able to look in through the glass doors and see a bit and I showed her the windows that will probably be her classroom and she felt much better. I also pointed to the area she will get off the bus and whew, we both feel much better. I came home from that and my mother in law had called with the bus number. My mom called her back and they chatted while I got Makenneh to bed. She had gone online and found out that bit of info and I am going to call the bus garage in the morning to find out an appx pick up time. Deep breath, I think we will be ok. Of course, I know I am going to be a wreck tomorrow morning putting her on the bus. I hope I can hold it together though!!! This is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be!

ANd guess what?!!! We found out the other day that my sister is pregnant. She took a home test and it is positive. I think that was on Friday. She is calling tomorrow to get her appointment. She is a bit nervous though because she is having a brownish discharge and she has had cramps....i don't remember those things in my pregnancies and not sure if it normal or not. I know you can spot and stuff, but i don't know the extent. I pray that everything works out because they are so absolutely excited. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. ~*~*~Lots of sticky dust~*~*~

Well, I guess I have exhausted most emotional thoughts for the moments. I have a headache now from the crying and I think I need to go lay my weary head down and try to get some sleep....have to be up early early...bus garage opens at 6am and I must be calling to find out when her bus will be here to get her!

Wish me luck!