Yeah, I'm talking about my computer. The thing is about 4.5 yrs old and was built by my brother-in-law, using mostly parts he already had available...not new ones. So, who knows how old it really is. Anyway, it is showing its age for sure. Everything goes so darn slow (though not nearly as slow as my mom's 10 yr old pc..how that thing still boots up is beyond me).
Anyway, I have 3 classes down and one to go...well for first days that is. Tonight was my social programs class. It's actually part of the social work technician program offered at the college. I took it as an elective more or less, bc i needed one more class to make me full time. It seems like it is going to be a very fun class. Definitely laid back and interactive. And the best part? The major projects involve culture....ring a bell from last semester? I was like, Humph, i have this one in the bag! LOL. Of course, I am not guaranteed to be able to pick my own topic (not sure how she will go about assigning the project), but if i get my choice, you better bet, I'm picking English culture...work mostly done. Well, ok, I honestly am not sure I saved all that work, but I do have the notes and such and besides, it won't be hard to recall most of it. But, even if i have a different culture, I will know the basics bc I had to listen to the presentations of fellow classmates last semester. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that perhaps, I would choose another topic if given the chance, just so i could learn more about yet another culture. Hmmmm. Anyway, the class is fun and I will certainly look forward to it every Wednesday night.
Tomorrow is General Psychology. I am hesitant about this class, simply bc i took it (partly) before and it's not the "fun" stuff but rather the guts (eeer, brains) of Psychology. It deals a lot with the chemicals and functioning of the brain and why and how things can go awry.
I don't know if i have mentioned this, but there has been somewhat of a monkey-wrench thrown into my goals for a career. I will sort through the ideas here...bc well, where else would I do such thing? You can all be tortured along with me.
My heart was (and really still is) set on becoming a counselor. It has really been a deep seeded ambition of mine. One I kept locked up tightly for fear of all the years of school it would require. Humph..what was i thinking? Anyway...the first time I spoke with a counselor at the college, to sign up for my first semester this time around, I was leaning towards social work. Why? Bc it was a 2 yr tech program and hey, let's face it.. i didn't want to be in school forever. You may recall my conversation with dear Keith. He told me about his experience in social work, the high stress, the disappointment with not being able to "really" help beyond tossing some benefits their way that are governed by the bureaucrats. Ok, that wasn't his words verbatim or anything, but ya get the gist. So, in talking with Keith, I decided to go for the long haul and truly pursue that hidden dream. I was going to become an LPC. Besides, how cool would it be for this simpleton to have freakin letters following her name? I mean, never in one million years had i ever thought that possible! Christina Lastname, LPC. Ha. I like it. Ok, I love it. So, i sign up for financial aid and then for classes and voila. My heart is in heaven because I feel so damn empowered, nothing will stop me, no nothing at all. Except, a second meeting with a different college counselor (who also happened to be one of my instructors). He is also an LPC. He said that it's a tough field right now because insurance companies have put a cap/limitations on what they will pay out for counseling benefits. And think about it...if you want to go to counseling (or if you are going), what does your insurance allow? I know my mom's only pays a percentage, leaving her with an $80 copay PER visit. Yes, that's eighty dollars PER visit. So, she, like many people, doesn't go because she can't afford to shell that out weekly or bi-weekly. Other insurances will only pay for so many visits per year. Therefore, those patients only go that number of times. The only hope is that you get quite a few well off, cash payin clients that can keep your business afloat. To make matters worse, as I was driving to our utility company's office last month, I passed the clinic i used to go to for counseling...it had several counselors all under one roof. Guess what? It's closed up. For sale sign out there! Hmmm...a little sign? He had suggested getting a degree in teaching with a minor in Psych. I could teach and work my way towards my masters. I would only need the minor in psych to get into the LPC masters program. Ok, sounds kinda good..gives me a fall back plan if nothing else. He also said i could be a school counselor. The problem with all this is, I am not the person to be stuck in a small room with a bunch of kids every day. I just don't see myself surviving it. kids today are rowdy, rambunctious, arrogant, disrespectful and have that entitlement attitude. I would want to choke them, I'm sure. And I want to be a counselor, but not really in a school setting. I would mostly deal with the whole school drama stuff....Tommy called me a whore and it hurt my feelings. Yes, it is traumatic and needs to be addressed. Let me get my damn soap and wash Tommy's mouth out and hasn't his parents bothered to teach him that that is NOT how we treat fellow human beings? Grrrr....i would feel like i was spinning my wheels. So, I am not sure. SIGH. I want to be a counselor. I do not want to go to school for 6 yrs, intern for 1 or 2 *which costs me btw, bc i have to pay my LPC for his/her time* just to come to a dead end and not be making a decent salary. Face it, that's a long time of schooling to make 20-30k. At the same time...my heart is being tugged. I could do so many beneficial things with that degree. However, not if i don't have a pot to piss in nor the window to throw it out of myself. I can't help others if i am still unable to help myself, right?
I need to get an appointment with the career center at college and hash all this out. I want so badly to do the LPC thing. See, that's why i don't set goals much or get hopes high...bc the rug usually gets pulled out from under me. Oooh, that's the pessimist in me sneaking out. *smack* hit* get back in there, damn it* Nobody wants to hear from you*
And social work....i don't want to spend my days chasing child abuse cases. It would be so entirely sad and heart wrenching. I would want to shoot myself. I would really see how hateful and evil this world is. I just don't know if i could emotionally stand it. I am thankful that people can do it because children certainly need those voices. But, I am not sure I could deal with it. The worst part would be, knowing in my gut that things weren't right but not being able to do a damn thing about it bc of the effin red tape surrounding those things. That would infuriate me.
I'm chasing rabbits tonight bc i have another thought. I also considered going for the LPC and then I could set up some sort of foundation or something that helps people in need. Like, for instance, why can't I open a counseling center that charges 50.00/hr instead of the typical 75-145/hr? Im sure that there are some sort of bureaucratic measures that says I can't do that bc it would be undercutting the next guy. Humph. Maybe the next guy shouldn't be charging a damn arm and a leg for his services then, eh?
Anyway, those are some of my twisted thoughts on the whole thing. I guess the main point is I am in school and going somewhere, even if I don't know where that is, just yet.
And before I go, tonight (I hope Julie doesn't mind me posting this)...please send up prayers for Julie's mom and their family. If you read her blog, then you know that her mom went for a scan to see why her memory is failing her. Please pray that everything turns out for the best. I know that the family is very concerned about Mom right now and they could use the prayers/positive thoughts/vibes, whatever it is that you do.
Good night, world and may everyone awaken to a beautiful new day~!
1 comment:
I don't mind at all. We can use all the positive thoughts we can get for my Mom.
When I was pg with Z, they sent me to physical therapy. I couldn't afford the copay, so they didn't make me pay it. They just took what the insurance payed out.
Don't let some person squash your dreams. Both my girls have been told not to be teachers. They are still going to try. It's what they want to do. By all means, yes!, talk to someone else.
I must wake the boy! ;) So I will stop.
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