What does God eat?

That was Makenneh's question, tonight. Hmmm, food for thought?! Luckily my mom was here to help with that one. We told her that we don't think He needs to eat anything, because in Heaven, everything is perfect and tried to keep it simple. We also talked about the Last Supper. But, really, I am thinking now...there must be food in heaven...all the good food without the calories and fat, right? LOL.

My internet connection is still horrible. Actually, it's worse. I did find out Monday that the school is having issues with their isp, which is probably why I am having problems. I have low speed connection and then get booted all the time. It's horrible. Most sites won't even load before timing out. *sigh*. I have found that using Explorer vs. Mozilla seems to help. Not sure if it's just coincidence or not, though.

Phone line is also full of static. Can't really use it because too damn hard to hear the other person and for them to hear me. I called the phone company today and she said she could put in a repair ticket for me but had to notify me that there is a possibility I would be charged for the visit should the problem be in my lines inside. She had given me two suggestions to try..one was to unplug phone completely for 5 mins to reset the line. Still staticy. The other suggestion was to take a corded phone to the box outside and plug directly into that. If there was still static, that means it is in their lines. Well, i walked out to our meter area, and couldn't find any such box. Of course, i wasn't about to go crazy opening every different box out there. So, I need to send Jeremy out there to do that. I will then call them back to fix it. I may just do that anyway, because i am certain it is in their end. This phone company is notorious for staticy lines. Every time the wind blows, it rains or snows, look out. I grew up with this phone company and it has always been that way. So, im rather frustrated...limited internet and limited phone. Grrrr!

Need some prayers. My dad was laid off Friday. Monday, my mom was heading to town in their car and it died. The motor is bad. They still owe a few thousand dollars on it. Mom was crying. She is so overwhelmed with their financial situation right now. I tried to assure her that everything would work out..it always does. I reminded her that during these times she has to let God carry her. It is so hard for her to give up that control, but sometimes, you have to get through the dark spots. Of course, she has been feeling so darn down lately that she was making comments about how she would rather die. So, to try to help her see the bright side, i couldn't say, "it could have been worse, you could have been hit by another car" bc to her, right now, that wouldn't be worse. Ironically, the night before, she had had a dream. She dreamed she had died and she was looking down....she saw my dad standing in their dining room sobbing. He was so lost and heart broken and didn't know what to do. The irony is, she seems to have this mindset that we don't need her. She has soaked her entire existance into her husband and kids. WE are grown and need her less and it's been hard for her deal with. I remind her all the time that I will always need her. I honestly couldn't even imagine my life without her, to be honest. But, anyway, she is also so sure that my dad wouldn't care or whatever. (major insecurities). That dream seemed so real to her and I told her that maybe that was a message. She had been making the comments about just dying and someone was showing her that what she would leave behind would be a lot of hurt and sorrow. I told her also that while dad had a smile and was joking about the car thing (being lighthearted about it), i said, inside he is probably dying worrying about how he is going to get this taken care of (they now have no vehicle, except the old truck which is a 72 and all kinds of hillbilly rig jobs). I told her that he puts on that facade for her benefit bc he doesn't want her to worry. She needs to realize that just because he seems aloof or unconcerned doesn't mean that he doesn't care. It's a defence mechanism. It's something he does to protect her, as well. So, if anything good came out of the car dying, it was that maybe, my mom is able to see inside my dad's head a bit better and also realize that life sucks sometimes, but you have to just trudge forward. If she would get rid of her negative attitude, it would be a lot better. So, yeah, prayers for them if you could, please! Oh and to add to the whole money mess....my mom was pulling into my uncle's last week and it was icy. She was in the ol' truck and well, slid right into my uncle's roommate's car. It cracked the bumper and did something to the hood. Well, she doesn't want an insurance claim bc that would raise her rates and she is drowning in car ins. hell now. Luckily, my dad does body work on cars and can fix it at cost, no problem. Except, that it's more money out their pocket, with him being laid off. It just seems to be one thing after another.

The home hunting for us is about at a dead end. The fact is, it is going to be next to impossible to find anything for around the same that we are paying now. Too much more than that would ruin us. We struggle now...so higher rent would just kill us. There isn't many expenses we have now that can be cut out. Internet is free and that's really the only "luxury" we have. I called the office where we are at now and she said it would be easiest if i came in to see what all they had. Well, I stopped in there today, after getting Makenneh off the bus and she said that our application had been denied?! Well, teh application they submitted was the one they had us fill out after moving in here, so that they would have record of who was living here. We have it set up that we are just staying here, without paying the lady rent because if we were paying her rent, it is considered subleasing and isn't allowed. So, anyway, they still wanted something on file with us listed as occupants because by law, they have to have that. Well, when i filled out that app, i just listed my name and then put his as an occupent. So, of course, when they ran it, it came up no credit and I have no job. So, that's why it was denied. So, she said i needed to have Jeremy fill out the co-ap part and then they woudl run it. But, now, Im skeptical bout it going through. I just hate rejection. I realize our credit is not the best and so i am always worried about that. I don't understand though why we would be denied for living here, when we were approved at the other place, which is higher lot rent and we were approved for a loan in addition to that, for the balance of the trailer. So, it should be ok. I just worry about it. All i can do is try though. I really don't want to live here, to be honest. I just don't know how to explain any reason behind it, not even sure if there is...i just don't feel "at home" here. My mom suggested we move in with them, get everything straightened out, save up more money and then get a place. It's a great offer. I just don't know if i can handle living there. ANd I know they won't be able to handle us living there. LOL. THe kids will drive them both crazy for sure. LOL. They are used to peace and quiet and order. And my mom's negative outlook drives me to the brink of insanity as it is. I couldn't imagine dealing with it all day every day. Ok, it wouldn't be all day bc we both have places to be and such. But still, it would be far more than i deal with it now. And let's be honest....my sex life would die. I don't think I could consciously have sex in my parents' house. Especially not considering that the room we would stay in is the one right next to their bedroom. I am feeling ill just thinking about it. LOL. The pros though, are that we could save up some money, we could help them out at the same time, car issues would be a bit better (well, idk, really, considering that as of right now, mine is the only one out of the cars, that is running and that's on it's last wheel), babysitting issues might be a bit easier. Cons - no privacy, two families under one roof, different lifestyles (as inmy kids get away with things we never were allowed to and for instance, the bed time issues would be a problem...we were in bed at X time, no ifs ands or buts about it...my kids don't follow a set bed time..things like that). It could be good that perhaps my kids would become more scheduled...But bad in that, my mom thinks these precious angels shouldn't be disciplined and that they should be able to do as they please. IF my dad gets after them, she gives him the evil eye and/or says something along the lines of, "don't say/do that"...blah blah. I have to remind her that if the kids are out of line, they need to be corrected, grandkids or not! LOL. So, i could see it being a point of contention amongst my parents.

I decided that I will just let it lay for a little while and see how I feel then. I am known for making quick decisions that end up disasterous (that's why Im in this spot now). so, for once, i am going to take a little time to mull it over. In the meantime, im praying like no other, that something comes through. A great part of me feels that something will.

The wind is blowing like mad out there. WOW. They weren't joking about high winds. I had to go out there and collect my garbage can and put everything to the back of the porch, bc it's being tossed around like leaves out there. I'm not certian this whole place won't blow away, that's how high the winds are right now. LOL. Crazy weather, i tell ya. Yesterday and today was kinda warm. Ok, 40s. Tomorrow is supposed to be like 16*. That's how this winter has gone...it will get cold, snow, get even colder, then get warmer, rain, snow disappears, then it starts all over again. Snow has pretty much all melted, now it's time for cold and more snow! Hopefully the winds have died down before I have class tomorrow. I don't even want to walk across campus in this stuff! Nor do I want to wait at Makenneh's bus stop. Of course, I am thinking of keeping her home tomorrow. I am undecided. She has a cough..no runny nose, no fever, nothing of the sort..just a cough. Well, I've been sending her to school, bc you can't keep them home every time they cough. Especially not living in MI. Anyway, she said today when she got off the bus that her teacher said she should have stayed home bc she is sick. WTF?! I don't doubt it because when I have been in there on my "volunteer" days, I have heard them say things like that. The one girl had a cough and teacher says, "are you sick?" Of course, the kid says yes. Teacher said, "well when we are sick, we are supposed to stay home." Grrrr. I understand keeping them home with flu (diarhea, vomiting), fever, running nose, coughing up phlegm, etc. But, like I said, if i kept her home for her coughing, she would have been home all damn week. Does the teacher not realize that cough can be associated with things like allergies? Not exactly contagious. LOL. It's very dry in here right now and that is probably more of why she is coughing than anything. So, anyway, im babbling. I kinda think I'll keep her home, bc i don't want her being bullied at school by the teacher for being there iwth a damn cough. But, i don't want her to get in the habit of missing school for everything. I had very poor attendance in school bc i would find every reason to stay home. It is a bad habit and one that is hard to break. I want her to have good attendance habits. I also don't want her missing out on education bc she is home wiht a cough. Heck, when you get bronchitis, for example, my doc has told me that hte cough can persist for up to 4-6 weeks after...can't imagine keeping a child home that damn long. Crazy.

Well, I guess I have caught up with my thoughts for now. Who knows when I will be able to come back to blog..depends on how tempermental my connection wants to be! So, in the meantime, keep warm and take care!