soggy first day of school, packages, refund checks and misdiagnose

I almost feel afraid to get excited! Julie's package arrived today! The kids were so excited. They played with playdough and coloring books and crayons while I was at school this evening. Of course, Sebastian ate the playdough more than he played with it. LOL. And the clothes are very nice. My mom is going to store the clothes at her house until Sebastian grows into them. And we are thinking the buzz lightyear boots will fit Seb this winter. My kids have such huge feet. I had to take Makenneh today to get a new pair of tennis shoes and had to get her a size 1. Crazy. Of course, her dad and I both wear size 10s.
Thank you Julie for your kindness and generosity! The card was very beautiful and thoughtful..i almost cried! Lots of hugs to you! I have to tell you, My mom was simply amazed by your generosity and thoughtfulness. She said, you don't find people like that very often. She was equally touched by your kindness!

Then to add to our joy, my financial aid refund check arrived today! Sooner than I had expected it. Of course, the down side is, it's spent by the time we pay back my mom, pay the bills and kiss it good bye. But, then, we can be back on track and hopefully stay there, barring anymore unforseen expenses.

The third thing is I got an email from Jeremy's grandma. The lab had lost her test results and finally found them. She tested negative for the luekemia but has myofribrosis (not sure if that's exactly it) and the reason her spleen is so large is bc it's full of fibroid tumors. Whew...big difference btwn fibroid tumors and bone cancer! Once her spleen is removed on Fri, she will be feeling better.

Makenneh's first day of school was rainy. We had to wait in the car for the bus bc it was pouring down. But, mom managed to get some pics for me. i will upload them later. I am exhausted. She loved her first day and the bus ride. I thought she would be sleeping early, but she still managed to stay up til 11pm. Im sure by thurs, she will be ready for bed earlier. Or at least, i hope.

My day was hectic. We got up, got ready, went to mom's to drop seb off while kenneh and i headed off to get her a pair of shoes for school. WE had to hurry back, get gma and seb and head to the bus stop. After she was off to school, i had to take my mom and seb back to mom's house and head to math. After math, it was home to get kenneh off the bus, then pick seb up, home to cook dinner and out the door before i could even eat.

I am near ready for bed, which is amazing for me. Tomorrow I get to take it a bit slower. I will get Makenneh on the bus then Sebastian and I will head out to pay the bills and take care of all that. I don't have school tomorrow, so that will be nice. I also don't have anywhere to be tomorrow night. That's a first, since school has started.

ya know, i can't believe that i just cashed a check for $1000 and we are still broke. That's sooo pathetic. I can't wait to be done with school and have a career. I just keep focusing on how some day, we will look back on these hard times and laugh, while sipping on fine wine and dining on caviar. Hahhahaha..im kidding. I hate wine, no matter how fine it is and no way caviar will ever make it to my lips, much less past them. My stomach churns at the very thought. But it sounded good right? I will just be happy to be able to pay bills, have a decent car that doesn't bounce and rattle and threaten to fall apart over each pot hole in the road. And a house big enough to live comfortably without being crammed in small quarters like sardines. A play room for the kids, their own bedrooms, more than one bathroom, so no one will ever have to hold it or hurry up again...ya know, those simple things. Of course, if im to achieve this, i need to get my butt in gear on homework. So much of it, it becomes overwhelming at times. Julie mentioned that being busy can be a good and she hopes it is for me...well, it is for the most part. I feel a sense of belonging to the world when i am packed with things to do, running here and there. But, it also elevates my stress levels so i have to try hard to keep things in focus and not get too caught up in the hustle bustle of things. I still have to work on time management and organization. Once i get that down pat, it won't seem so overwhelming. Right now, i sit in each class (excluding math, bc that lesson plan is pretty mapped out and steady) and hear of all these assignments to do over the semester and can't help but feel overwhelmed. Tonight, in comm class, he talked about a good 3 big assignments coming up. AHHHHh. He tends to bounce around topics and run from here to there and back again, so it probably makes it seem more overwhelming than it really is. I do best in a step by step situation. TAlk about the assignment at home, touch on the upcoming ones while keeping focus on the assignment at hand.

Then, tonight, while in class, listening to the few students who still had to give their first speeches...i found some inspiration. ONe lady, Robin, is 45 years old. she got up to speak and was absolutely compelling. She talked about how she used to love to learn. She couldn't get enough. She went to Central University for a year before transferring to (I think) minnesota, where she excelled at everything she did. She took her LSATS and scored very high, receiving scholarship offers for law school. It was 1984...she was on the fast track to a very successful career. Then, that winter, she was diagnosed with cancer. She spent most of her 20's, fighting this awful cancer. She said that while fighting the cancer, she still learned. She took it upon herself to learn all she could about her medical situation and all that it encompassed. She also learned a lot about life. She referred to "the journey" as the holy grail. She has been out of school 23 years. She is now attending our community college as well as a university, where she is working on the 36 credits she needs to finish her degree she had set out for all those years ago. She said she is going to do it. She is finally going to go for that law degree. Just hearing her speak gave me goose bumps and brought tears to my eyes. She is a true example of how it is never too late to go back and follow your dreams. Sometimes we get off course, but when the storm calms, it is then that we need to pick ourselves up and continue our journey! I also couldn't help but feel a connection, if you will, because she reminds me so much of my aunt dawn. Like my aunt dawn, this woman is very obese. The difference though, is that this lady doesn't let it hold her back. My aunt avoided many things in life bc she was ashamed of her weight. I couldn't help but think that if my aunt were here, I would tell her all about Robin and her story and her determination. But, it's too late for my Aunt Dawn. She had always dreamed of getting an accounting degree, but couldn't even think for a moment about going back to school out of fear. I guess she didn't need that accounting degree to be an angel. God had better plans for her. One goal (or act of kindness, if you will) is that before the semester is over, I will talk to Robin and tell her what an inspiration she is! I wish her all the luck in reaching her goals. I feel blessed to have our paths cross. Here's to you, Robin!!!!!!

Ya know, I really truly feel like God gave me today to raise my hopes. As a reminder that great things are yet to come. Life isn't all bad...there is good in there, even if only sprinkled in. And that good, even in small proportions far outweighs the bad.

And, on that note, I am done for tonight!