I hate them and the last two have been rough. Yesterday morning it was rough because Makenneh begged me to stay home with her. She said she didn't want me to go to work, she didn't want me to make money. She said, just stay home with me. Ill be so happy. I almost cried.
this morning I am just grumpy, tired and wanna sleep. Makenneh wakes up early now, wants me up;, wants me to sit on the loveseat with her, when i would rather lay on the couch, she throws fits, yada, yada, yada.
I just want my sleep. Let me throw myself on the floor in a full fledged temper tamtrum and demand the world to let me sleep. The couch is calling my name as i type. I don't think i like the m-f, 8-5 shift. As much as I thought I would like it, it actually sucks. There is no time to do anything. By the time I get home, get dinner, the night is over and time to get ready for bed. There's no time for taking care of any business, as im at work when businesses are open.
Well, the little man of the house is letting his existance be known, so it's time to get him up and ready. And I guess, time to get myself read;y as well, seems how i have to leave in half an hour! Ive told you guys im a procrastinator! I wasn't joking!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I survived
The first day of work that is. But, im not gonna lie..it's hard work right now, setting up the store. We have to bust ass. I was put in the frozen food section and we have 23 pallets to unload and get put out. Oh and don't forget priced! So, all day I heaved boxes, unpacked them, put product in the freezer cases, etc. And that's what i get to do tomorrow! I even spent a half hour or so in the freezer and boy is it cold in there. But, it sure beats sweating! overall, I like it. Everyone seems to be pretty nice and helpful. I still think the daily meetings are stupid though...even moreso now that I had to participate..its cult-like, I swear...lol. All the members of management take turns talking,...and as soon as one gets up to the podium and says hi, everyone says hi and then claps like twice, stomps twice and then shouts HOO! Goofy! After each person speaks, everyone claps. Then, its wrapped up by saying our pledge...raise our right hand and say: " I pledge today to not have any accidents. I also pledge to prevent those around me from having accidents, so help me walmart!" Crazy huh? The only thing I can think of the whole time we are doing this is potty training my daughte.r....and the accidents meaning potty accidents. I can't help it. But anyway, they are real big on safety and we get bonuses if we are accident free. Then, we get to wrap the meeting up with the corny cheer! See one of my previous posts if you really want to know what the cheer is! CORNY! But, i guess it gets me a paycheck, huh?
Im wondering if i should jump to 2nd shift for set up though. That way, I would have business hours to take care of anything I need to deal with. Not to mention, I know my brother's gf doesn't like mornings (and honestly , i don't either) and she is watching the kids for me. I would also not need a babysitter the whole 10 hours if i worked 2nd. Jeremy gets home around 430. so, that would be helpful on the pocket book! I just don't know though bc I wouldn't really be able to do much else, socially speaking. But, i guess life's all about sacrafice! Especially seems how i wasn't born with the proverbial silver spoon in my mouth! The damn thing was plastic! Go figure!
Im wondering if i should jump to 2nd shift for set up though. That way, I would have business hours to take care of anything I need to deal with. Not to mention, I know my brother's gf doesn't like mornings (and honestly , i don't either) and she is watching the kids for me. I would also not need a babysitter the whole 10 hours if i worked 2nd. Jeremy gets home around 430. so, that would be helpful on the pocket book! I just don't know though bc I wouldn't really be able to do much else, socially speaking. But, i guess life's all about sacrafice! Especially seems how i wasn't born with the proverbial silver spoon in my mouth! The damn thing was plastic! Go figure!
Happy Birthday, Uncle Ken, counseling, first day of work.....
Yeah, it's gonna be a multi topic post. Today is my uncle's bday! He just got out of an awful marriage about 6 months ago and while he is turning one year older today, he looks younger and more alive than he has in years! He goes out every weekend, he is always singing and dancing and wearing a smile! Im so happy for him that he was finally able to enjoy life and be happy!
I had my first counseling appt yesterday. It went quite well and I think I will like my counselor, Pam. I was more honest with her in one visit than I was with any other counselor in a whole year or whatever. So, that's probably a good start. The first visit is mostly intake and boy did i give her a lot to take in. I think I saw her head spinning at times! lol.
And, in a short half hour, i will leaving for my first day of work at Walmart! I have mixed feelings. i think once i get there and "settle in" i will be ok. But I really don't like "unknowns" or new situations that well. And the prospect of having to get up extra early to rustle up two sleeping kids and get them to a sitter makes me queasy. As i was in the shower this morning, i couldn't help but say, "what I wouldn't give if i didn't have to do this." I am feeling sick to my stomach. I don't know why. Anxiety!! I didn't feel this way prior to starting Kroger. But then, I knew the employees for the most part, as I go in there almost every day and sometimes 2 times a day. Plus, it was an up and running store, i knew what i would have to do. This time, I will be doing anything and everything in order to get the store up and running, ready for the opening on sept 20. I don't know any employees except those I had orientation with and my cousin and friend, who also got hired, but work different shifts. AH, Christina, get over it. Go in with your head held high, saying to yourself, "you're the shit!" LOL. Yes, i think a lot of it is self esteem issues. I have to force myself consciously to have self esteem in new situations. I always want to revert back to my days of almost no esteem. I have it now, its just covered sometimes and i have to pull it out! One of my goals for counseling is to get my self esteem up to an 8 (on a scale of 1-10). Right now, i measured it at a 5. That's an improvement from before. I have lots of goals for counseling that I don't think 20 visits is going to fix...lol. But that's all my insurance will cover and Lord knows I can't afford to pay for visits. I saw the price chart and about fell outta my chair. If you weren't totally crazy going into counseling ,you will be after you pay for it, if you have to pay outta the pocket! Not only will you be crazy, but broke as hell! It's like 120.00 per visit with a counselor and God forbid you need to see the Dr. That's more! And for those who don't know....a full counseling session is a whopping 45 mins!!!!
Oh, on a good note, I found a long lost friend on Myspace! I am so happy. When i was growing up, we lived in a trailer park and I became friends with this girl who lived across the street. She was a few yrs younger than me, but there weren't any kids my age. Anyway, we used to play together every day! Then, she moved away and that was it. I was so sad for a long time! I always wanted to find her. As a kid, i remember looking at the stars and thinking, somewhere, Amber might be looking at the same stars. Corny, I know...but i missed her so! Well, i finally tried a search on myspace, using the last school i knew she attended and Voila! I found her. As soon as i saw her picture, I knew it was her. So, we have been emailing back and forth. She still lives in MI, but about an hour north of me. Her family lives down here though, so I told her we will have to get together next time she is down. See, Myspace does work for good things!!!
Well, i need to rustle up the troops and get them to the sitter! Wish me luck and the ability to keep my stomach calm! LOL~!
I had my first counseling appt yesterday. It went quite well and I think I will like my counselor, Pam. I was more honest with her in one visit than I was with any other counselor in a whole year or whatever. So, that's probably a good start. The first visit is mostly intake and boy did i give her a lot to take in. I think I saw her head spinning at times! lol.
And, in a short half hour, i will leaving for my first day of work at Walmart! I have mixed feelings. i think once i get there and "settle in" i will be ok. But I really don't like "unknowns" or new situations that well. And the prospect of having to get up extra early to rustle up two sleeping kids and get them to a sitter makes me queasy. As i was in the shower this morning, i couldn't help but say, "what I wouldn't give if i didn't have to do this." I am feeling sick to my stomach. I don't know why. Anxiety!! I didn't feel this way prior to starting Kroger. But then, I knew the employees for the most part, as I go in there almost every day and sometimes 2 times a day. Plus, it was an up and running store, i knew what i would have to do. This time, I will be doing anything and everything in order to get the store up and running, ready for the opening on sept 20. I don't know any employees except those I had orientation with and my cousin and friend, who also got hired, but work different shifts. AH, Christina, get over it. Go in with your head held high, saying to yourself, "you're the shit!" LOL. Yes, i think a lot of it is self esteem issues. I have to force myself consciously to have self esteem in new situations. I always want to revert back to my days of almost no esteem. I have it now, its just covered sometimes and i have to pull it out! One of my goals for counseling is to get my self esteem up to an 8 (on a scale of 1-10). Right now, i measured it at a 5. That's an improvement from before. I have lots of goals for counseling that I don't think 20 visits is going to fix...lol. But that's all my insurance will cover and Lord knows I can't afford to pay for visits. I saw the price chart and about fell outta my chair. If you weren't totally crazy going into counseling ,you will be after you pay for it, if you have to pay outta the pocket! Not only will you be crazy, but broke as hell! It's like 120.00 per visit with a counselor and God forbid you need to see the Dr. That's more! And for those who don't know....a full counseling session is a whopping 45 mins!!!!
Oh, on a good note, I found a long lost friend on Myspace! I am so happy. When i was growing up, we lived in a trailer park and I became friends with this girl who lived across the street. She was a few yrs younger than me, but there weren't any kids my age. Anyway, we used to play together every day! Then, she moved away and that was it. I was so sad for a long time! I always wanted to find her. As a kid, i remember looking at the stars and thinking, somewhere, Amber might be looking at the same stars. Corny, I know...but i missed her so! Well, i finally tried a search on myspace, using the last school i knew she attended and Voila! I found her. As soon as i saw her picture, I knew it was her. So, we have been emailing back and forth. She still lives in MI, but about an hour north of me. Her family lives down here though, so I told her we will have to get together next time she is down. See, Myspace does work for good things!!!
Well, i need to rustle up the troops and get them to the sitter! Wish me luck and the ability to keep my stomach calm! LOL~!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Some pictures from last weekend
It's Jeremy and Sebastian...Dad would have a bit of the Texas Sheet cake and Sebastian would hold his mouth open wide in anticipation...then he would start going for the fork.
Makenneh and Sebastian both had fun on the swingsets they had available for the kids. It made it all more enjoyable for mom and dad too, knowing we were in a fenced in area and the kids had a place to play where we would keep an eye on them while socializing.
The pics were taken at the Moose Lodge where my aunt had her college graduation party last weekend.
sick, tired....
I think im coming down with the flu or something. I dunno but i have felt like i could puke for 2 days now. Last night i had a headache from hell and this sour stomach..i didn't get any sleep bc when i was ready/able to fall asleep, Sebastian woke up, when i got him back to sleep, makenneh woke up..it was an endless battle last night. Finally, jeremy got up at 8am and i went to sleep for a few hours. I still have the headache today and the sour stomach. To top it off, Makenneh woke up with bumps all over her which i think are chicken pox. She itches like no other. So, for now im giving her benedryl to keep the itching down and putting hydrocortisone creme on her. I will have to call Monday to get her in somwhere btwn my own counseling appt, trip to the social sec. office, trip to walmart. UGH!
On a good note, jeremy started cleaning in here today. The bad note is it made him awfully cranky. He is in a better mood now though and the living room is looking much better. Now i just need to get these carpets scrubbed and get this damn sofa sleeper out to the trash and the other couch my aunt gave me in here.
Not much else to say and im feeling too blah to really type much else. Oh....the hampster got out the other day and i only found out yesterday morning when the cat/kittens were hissing and snarling over something in the kitchen. I checked it out and it was the hampster, lifeless in the grips of one of the kittens. I didn't say anything to Makenneh, as she was sleeping when this took place. i just disposed of him and left it at that. Today she realized he wasn't in his cage and was upset. I had told jeremy that we wouldn't get another one...but daddy just couldn't tell her no when she was so sad and using that cute lil face of hers. So, we were off to get a new hampster. This time we got a dwarf one...he is so cute. Much more laid back than the other ones. Hopefully this one lasts awhile. But we have told her there will be no more after this.
ok, off to lay down and hope for wellness by tomorrow!
On a good note, jeremy started cleaning in here today. The bad note is it made him awfully cranky. He is in a better mood now though and the living room is looking much better. Now i just need to get these carpets scrubbed and get this damn sofa sleeper out to the trash and the other couch my aunt gave me in here.
Not much else to say and im feeling too blah to really type much else. Oh....the hampster got out the other day and i only found out yesterday morning when the cat/kittens were hissing and snarling over something in the kitchen. I checked it out and it was the hampster, lifeless in the grips of one of the kittens. I didn't say anything to Makenneh, as she was sleeping when this took place. i just disposed of him and left it at that. Today she realized he wasn't in his cage and was upset. I had told jeremy that we wouldn't get another one...but daddy just couldn't tell her no when she was so sad and using that cute lil face of hers. So, we were off to get a new hampster. This time we got a dwarf one...he is so cute. Much more laid back than the other ones. Hopefully this one lasts awhile. But we have told her there will be no more after this.
ok, off to lay down and hope for wellness by tomorrow!
Friday, August 25, 2006
One Word
I figured I would answer the survey too.....why not!
YOU ... C A N ... O N L Y ... T Y P E ... O N E ... W O R D !
Not as easy as you might think...
1. Yourself: Tired
2.Your bf/gf: homebody
3. Your hair? soft
4. Your mother? wonderful
5. Your Father: amazing
6. Your Favorite Item: computer
7. Your dream last night: forgotten
8. Your Favorite drink: coke
9. Your Dream Car: minivan (LOL)
The Room You Are In: living
11. Your Ex: nincompoot (sp?)
12. Your fear? loss
13. Where you want to be in 10 years? house
14. Who you hung out with today? family
15. What You're Not: mean
16. Your Best Friend: 2
17. One of Your Wish List Items: furniture
19. The Last Thing You Did: slept
20. What You Are Wearing: 'comfy
21. Your Favorite Weather: sunny
2. Your favorite Book: novel
23. The Last Thing You Ate: popcorn
24. Your Life: crazy
25. Your Mood: sad
26. Your body: awful
27. What are you thinking about right now: sleep
28. What are you doing at the moment: Survey
29. Your summer schedule: boring
This was not as easy as i thought. I am usually one to elaborate on my answers. Give it a try!
YOU ... C A N ... O N L Y ... T Y P E ... O N E ... W O R D !
Not as easy as you might think...
1. Yourself: Tired
2.Your bf/gf: homebody
3. Your hair? soft
4. Your mother? wonderful
5. Your Father: amazing
6. Your Favorite Item: computer
7. Your dream last night: forgotten
8. Your Favorite drink: coke
9. Your Dream Car: minivan (LOL)
The Room You Are In: living
11. Your Ex: nincompoot (sp?)
12. Your fear? loss
13. Where you want to be in 10 years? house
14. Who you hung out with today? family
15. What You're Not: mean
16. Your Best Friend: 2
17. One of Your Wish List Items: furniture
19. The Last Thing You Did: slept
20. What You Are Wearing: 'comfy
21. Your Favorite Weather: sunny
2. Your favorite Book: novel
23. The Last Thing You Ate: popcorn
24. Your Life: crazy
25. Your Mood: sad
26. Your body: awful
27. What are you thinking about right now: sleep
28. What are you doing at the moment: Survey
29. Your summer schedule: boring
This was not as easy as i thought. I am usually one to elaborate on my answers. Give it a try!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
A little better now
Well, i faced the orientation. I actually feel better about it now. I start work tues. Now the only stress is worrying about a babysitter. My mom said she could help a couple days a week, but then there are the other days to worry about. During set up we will be working 8-5, m-f (although it will be adjusted as needed).
Tomorrow is another busy day. I have to go to the doc at 1:50 and then somewhere in the day I need to call walmart to see if i can use my marriage license as the 2nd piece of id bc although my ss card was ok for hire at kroger, walmart won't accept it bc it still has my maiden name (procrastinator, remember). If my marriage license won't work, i have to traipse me and the 2 kids down to the ss office. Yippee! I am filled with so much excitement at the thought of this that i could wet myself. But this is something i cannot procrastinate on bc they only have 3 days to file this paperwork for me to be hired. Talk about under pressure....lol.
Oh and the cheering...well it's just lovely! So lovely that I want to recite it all the time. NO not really! It goes as follows: (everyone starts clapping in no particular fashion i might add) The manager says: give me a w
employees: w
manager: give me an a
us: a
them: give me an l
us: l
them: give me a squiggle (this is what they refer to the dash as)
us: we have to actually squiggle our body
them:give me an m
us: m
them: ....an a
us: a
them....an r
us: r
them.....t
us: t
them: what does it spell?
us: walmart!
them: who's walmart
us: my walmart
them: who's important (or something to this affect)
us: the customer
them: who's the best
us: store ###3, the best you'll ever see
CORNY!
But if it makes them feel better!
I know i will sleep better at night having learned that cheer!
fyi: walmart started as a part of the ben franklin franchise. Mr. Waldon owned a franchise, then another, blah blah and then decided to open a discount store and it grew from there.
This is the kind of (almost) useless information you learn at an 8 hour orientation! Im sure that knowing that will make me a better employee! I must say though that Mr. Waldon was a cute lil old man! He seemed to come across as a very approachable guy who everyone liked!
didja know that walmart was started in Arkansas? didja know that it's international? Walmart stores everywhere!!!! LOL
OK, Makenneh wants to snuggle, so off i go! May the sandman creep up quickly on her!
Tomorrow is another busy day. I have to go to the doc at 1:50 and then somewhere in the day I need to call walmart to see if i can use my marriage license as the 2nd piece of id bc although my ss card was ok for hire at kroger, walmart won't accept it bc it still has my maiden name (procrastinator, remember). If my marriage license won't work, i have to traipse me and the 2 kids down to the ss office. Yippee! I am filled with so much excitement at the thought of this that i could wet myself. But this is something i cannot procrastinate on bc they only have 3 days to file this paperwork for me to be hired. Talk about under pressure....lol.
Oh and the cheering...well it's just lovely! So lovely that I want to recite it all the time. NO not really! It goes as follows: (everyone starts clapping in no particular fashion i might add) The manager says: give me a w
employees: w
manager: give me an a
us: a
them: give me an l
us: l
them: give me a squiggle (this is what they refer to the dash as)
us: we have to actually squiggle our body
them:give me an m
us: m
them: ....an a
us: a
them....an r
us: r
them.....t
us: t
them: what does it spell?
us: walmart!
them: who's walmart
us: my walmart
them: who's important (or something to this affect)
us: the customer
them: who's the best
us: store ###3, the best you'll ever see
CORNY!
But if it makes them feel better!
I know i will sleep better at night having learned that cheer!
fyi: walmart started as a part of the ben franklin franchise. Mr. Waldon owned a franchise, then another, blah blah and then decided to open a discount store and it grew from there.
This is the kind of (almost) useless information you learn at an 8 hour orientation! Im sure that knowing that will make me a better employee! I must say though that Mr. Waldon was a cute lil old man! He seemed to come across as a very approachable guy who everyone liked!
didja know that walmart was started in Arkansas? didja know that it's international? Walmart stores everywhere!!!! LOL
OK, Makenneh wants to snuggle, so off i go! May the sandman creep up quickly on her!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Back to the grindstone
I go for my walmart orientation Thursday. It is an all day ordeal, 9-5. My friend has already gone through it..she said its watching a bunch of videos and filling out your filing status paperwork as a group (great!..i could fill the stuff out in 1o mins by myself...she said they spent about 3 hours on it). At least we are getting paid for this. And, as an added bonus, we have to learn some cheers. yes, you read that right..cheers! and a pledge! It sounds to me like walmart is trying too hard. It is so damn corny! But, what do ya do. I did CHEERleading as a kid for the youth football, I cheer for my favorite football teams, i cheer for my favorite race car driver (on the local track, forget nascar), I cheer for my kids to do a great job at the task they are working on, i cheer to the new year, to accomplishments, promotions, etc. I never planned to cheer for a damn job! And, to top the cheer/plege cake, we get to say these cheers/pledges every freakin day during set up! Yippee!!!!
All the cheering aside, I am aprehensive about this job for some reason. I really think I have mental issues that I need to deal with. I am physically ill at the thought of committing to this job. I was secretly hoping they wouldn't call me. I know it's bad and I haven't even said this to Jeremy, bc Im not sure how he would take it, as someone without depression/mental issues, it's hard for him to comprehend where I am coming from.
As a teenager, my dream job was to teach elementary school. I knew what I wanted to do. Of course, I also "knew" i wanted to get married, have kids, the house on the hill with the white picket fence. Then, when the time came to follow those dreams, i didn't know what I wanted to do. It's like i haven't found my niche in this world and Im not so sure I ever will. I always thought I would love to be a stay at home mom while the kids were little, then go to work. I suck as a housewife! I hate to clean, hate to cook and have no patience. I don't get on the floor for lengths of time to play with the kids. Bottom line is (gasp) I don't like playing house! It's just not as fun as it was when i was 6 and the "babies" were motionless, soul-less, dolls! They didn't whine and cry and demand so much of me. And best of all, i could toss them aside when i was done. Oh, and housecleaning....mom's house was already clean..didn't have to worry about it. And with imagination and a play kitchen, i could cook up anything my heart desired with no mess to clean and without having to go grocery shopping on a limited budget! Go figure!
So, i tried the Independant sales thing...doing Home & Garden Party! IT was fun for awhile, but i guess im just not driven enough to get far. I finally decided to stop renewing my designer fee last year. That also taught me that Im probably not driven enough to pursue my dream of owning my own party supply type shop. I "think" i would like to own a shop that supplies paper party supplies, wedding supplies, baby shower supplies, etc, as well as some party planning services, decorating services, etc. But, do i really have the drive to make it work?
I hate working for ppl in general. I hate having someone else dictate my life...when i have to be there, who cares if Sally has recital or your loved one is dying in the hospital...we need you. Bleh, not for me. I hate working weekends and holidays. Those are times i spend with my family. Life is too short.
I think a laid back work atmosphere with "real" people as bosses would be fine. A monday through friday, closed on holidays type job where coworkers are friendly and the people you deal with are pleasant. (i feel like im doing an ad for walgreens....know the ones im talking about...lol).
I thought about opening a daycare...but i can't do that until we get a house. It really would be ideal for me. I could set my own hours (to a degree, you have to be available when parents actually need daycare), i would be my boss (aside from the parents), it would touch on my desire to teach. (Why don't i go for a teaching degree? Bc there is no way in hell i could handle a classroom of 20 + kids who are mouthy and bratty and don't have to listen to anybody..and because, quite frankly, i hate school).
I really hope this counseling gets me somewhere. Like my family doc said....i know all the right answers, i know what i need to do, it's just doing it. I have brains, lots of brains, I just have something else (which i don't know what) holding me back. I need to crack my brain open, my soul open and find the problem. Which, brings me to another idea i had. I think i would do great at counseling. In fact, yes, i know i would. Why don't i go for at least my associates in clinical social work? Dunno! But i think that's something im going to look into. They say the best counselors are those who are in need of one or whatever. And counselors are often good at "fixing" everyone's problems but their own. ME!. I can do that! Which goes back to me knowing the right answers, what i need to do, just not being able to do them!
I know, i know...basket case! Go ahead, say it! LOL.
I've almost always been an underachiever. Family would probably disagree, but it's true. "Good enough" has always been just that...good enough for me! I guarantee that I could have graduated with higher than a 3.4 or whatever i had...but i didn't try. I never tried my hardest at anything. I wrote finals on a whim, never studied, etc. Research? Are you kidding me? Heavens no! Get a few books, skim them over and write the damn paper already! I always got good grades though! Maybe that's some of my problem....education came very easy to me k-12. I never had to put forth much effort. good enough has always been acceptable, gotten me good grades....why do more?! I know its a shitty outlook to have and i never really realized i had it til i was probably a senior. By then, hell, it had gotten me that far, why not finish the way i started.
As i sit here typing this, Ive decided to list some quirky, odd, or just plain true thoughts about myself:
*I hate obstacles. If something gets in my way, i get frustrated and often just give up. I hate hassles. If i have to be dragged through the mud, forget it. The problem is, everything i try to do ends up a hassle one way or another.
*I procrastinate. This goes back to the hassle issue. If something is going to be the slight bit of a hassle, i will put it off til "tomorrow". You know, the day that never comes. I push everything til the last minute. Sometimes i just wanna scream... LEAVE ME ALONE! Right now, for example, i am supposed to be working on my sister's fafsa application. I started it...the basics, her name, address, dob. That's about it. Why? Bc i need my parents tax crap from last year and they are outta town and ah forget it, next thing that is easier to do, please. I also feel like Im the stay at home mom with internet access so i get all kinds of "good" shit dumped on me. That's why im doing sis's fafsa. She doesn't have internet, works full time and has 4 horses (3 are hers) to take care of, a house, a fiance and a step-son. She often doesn't have time to breath. My uncle wants his business posted on one of the free listing sites i go to. Seems how its a site i know about, i am the only person to do it. Right? I don't mean to sound like i don't want to help ppl out, but sometimes, i just wish they would do the things like post an ad for themselves. It's not hard. They can figure it out the same way i did...by playing around. Any computer with internet is capable of doing a search. really. IM not making that up. So and so wants business cards, can you do them? So and so can't figure out why yahoo isn't working, can you? Pulleeaseee! I own a computer, i have internet, i use my internet...i am on puter every day...i am not a techie though. I know very little about anything important on here. What i do know has been learned by trial and error (and boy some errors are quite the biggies).
*I can't say no. I feel that if i do, im letting someone down. I do everything in my power to please EVERYONE! but me, of course. Bc me, im just me and well, not all that important afterall. As long as everyone else is happy, well....im still not happy. But, hey, everyone else is, so its ok. I had a counselor tell me once to look myself in the mirror and practice saying NO. IS she fucking nuts? I can say no to myself all day long...i do! It's saying it to another human being, with feelings and needs and desires and wants and and and what if their world collapses bc i said no?
*I hate confrontation. This kinda ties in with not saying no. I don't want to deal with anything that may lead to a confrontation. I avoid it at almost all cost. This hasn't been such a big issue, until i became a mother. My kids need me to face confrontation on their behalf. It makes me ill. Back to ppl pleasing, i guess.
*IM TIRED. Really, i think it's time to end my rant and head to bed. While im sure i could go on and on, im also sure you don't want to read about it for hours on end. LOL.
Gee, have i been taking my meds? HAHAHAHAH, yes, in fact, i have, every single day! Yet, i still seem to feel twisted up inside. Right now, i want to go outside and shout things like :
WHAT ABOUT ME?
JUST GO AWAY!
WHEN IS IT MY TURN?
ME,ME, ME!
And while I'm at it, ask the good Lord for the winning lottery numbers. That would sure make life easier! LOL!
Good night all!
All the cheering aside, I am aprehensive about this job for some reason. I really think I have mental issues that I need to deal with. I am physically ill at the thought of committing to this job. I was secretly hoping they wouldn't call me. I know it's bad and I haven't even said this to Jeremy, bc Im not sure how he would take it, as someone without depression/mental issues, it's hard for him to comprehend where I am coming from.
As a teenager, my dream job was to teach elementary school. I knew what I wanted to do. Of course, I also "knew" i wanted to get married, have kids, the house on the hill with the white picket fence. Then, when the time came to follow those dreams, i didn't know what I wanted to do. It's like i haven't found my niche in this world and Im not so sure I ever will. I always thought I would love to be a stay at home mom while the kids were little, then go to work. I suck as a housewife! I hate to clean, hate to cook and have no patience. I don't get on the floor for lengths of time to play with the kids. Bottom line is (gasp) I don't like playing house! It's just not as fun as it was when i was 6 and the "babies" were motionless, soul-less, dolls! They didn't whine and cry and demand so much of me. And best of all, i could toss them aside when i was done. Oh, and housecleaning....mom's house was already clean..didn't have to worry about it. And with imagination and a play kitchen, i could cook up anything my heart desired with no mess to clean and without having to go grocery shopping on a limited budget! Go figure!
So, i tried the Independant sales thing...doing Home & Garden Party! IT was fun for awhile, but i guess im just not driven enough to get far. I finally decided to stop renewing my designer fee last year. That also taught me that Im probably not driven enough to pursue my dream of owning my own party supply type shop. I "think" i would like to own a shop that supplies paper party supplies, wedding supplies, baby shower supplies, etc, as well as some party planning services, decorating services, etc. But, do i really have the drive to make it work?
I hate working for ppl in general. I hate having someone else dictate my life...when i have to be there, who cares if Sally has recital or your loved one is dying in the hospital...we need you. Bleh, not for me. I hate working weekends and holidays. Those are times i spend with my family. Life is too short.
I think a laid back work atmosphere with "real" people as bosses would be fine. A monday through friday, closed on holidays type job where coworkers are friendly and the people you deal with are pleasant. (i feel like im doing an ad for walgreens....know the ones im talking about...lol).
I thought about opening a daycare...but i can't do that until we get a house. It really would be ideal for me. I could set my own hours (to a degree, you have to be available when parents actually need daycare), i would be my boss (aside from the parents), it would touch on my desire to teach. (Why don't i go for a teaching degree? Bc there is no way in hell i could handle a classroom of 20 + kids who are mouthy and bratty and don't have to listen to anybody..and because, quite frankly, i hate school).
I really hope this counseling gets me somewhere. Like my family doc said....i know all the right answers, i know what i need to do, it's just doing it. I have brains, lots of brains, I just have something else (which i don't know what) holding me back. I need to crack my brain open, my soul open and find the problem. Which, brings me to another idea i had. I think i would do great at counseling. In fact, yes, i know i would. Why don't i go for at least my associates in clinical social work? Dunno! But i think that's something im going to look into. They say the best counselors are those who are in need of one or whatever. And counselors are often good at "fixing" everyone's problems but their own. ME!. I can do that! Which goes back to me knowing the right answers, what i need to do, just not being able to do them!
I know, i know...basket case! Go ahead, say it! LOL.
I've almost always been an underachiever. Family would probably disagree, but it's true. "Good enough" has always been just that...good enough for me! I guarantee that I could have graduated with higher than a 3.4 or whatever i had...but i didn't try. I never tried my hardest at anything. I wrote finals on a whim, never studied, etc. Research? Are you kidding me? Heavens no! Get a few books, skim them over and write the damn paper already! I always got good grades though! Maybe that's some of my problem....education came very easy to me k-12. I never had to put forth much effort. good enough has always been acceptable, gotten me good grades....why do more?! I know its a shitty outlook to have and i never really realized i had it til i was probably a senior. By then, hell, it had gotten me that far, why not finish the way i started.
As i sit here typing this, Ive decided to list some quirky, odd, or just plain true thoughts about myself:
*I hate obstacles. If something gets in my way, i get frustrated and often just give up. I hate hassles. If i have to be dragged through the mud, forget it. The problem is, everything i try to do ends up a hassle one way or another.
*I procrastinate. This goes back to the hassle issue. If something is going to be the slight bit of a hassle, i will put it off til "tomorrow". You know, the day that never comes. I push everything til the last minute. Sometimes i just wanna scream... LEAVE ME ALONE! Right now, for example, i am supposed to be working on my sister's fafsa application. I started it...the basics, her name, address, dob. That's about it. Why? Bc i need my parents tax crap from last year and they are outta town and ah forget it, next thing that is easier to do, please. I also feel like Im the stay at home mom with internet access so i get all kinds of "good" shit dumped on me. That's why im doing sis's fafsa. She doesn't have internet, works full time and has 4 horses (3 are hers) to take care of, a house, a fiance and a step-son. She often doesn't have time to breath. My uncle wants his business posted on one of the free listing sites i go to. Seems how its a site i know about, i am the only person to do it. Right? I don't mean to sound like i don't want to help ppl out, but sometimes, i just wish they would do the things like post an ad for themselves. It's not hard. They can figure it out the same way i did...by playing around. Any computer with internet is capable of doing a search. really. IM not making that up. So and so wants business cards, can you do them? So and so can't figure out why yahoo isn't working, can you? Pulleeaseee! I own a computer, i have internet, i use my internet...i am on puter every day...i am not a techie though. I know very little about anything important on here. What i do know has been learned by trial and error (and boy some errors are quite the biggies).
*I can't say no. I feel that if i do, im letting someone down. I do everything in my power to please EVERYONE! but me, of course. Bc me, im just me and well, not all that important afterall. As long as everyone else is happy, well....im still not happy. But, hey, everyone else is, so its ok. I had a counselor tell me once to look myself in the mirror and practice saying NO. IS she fucking nuts? I can say no to myself all day long...i do! It's saying it to another human being, with feelings and needs and desires and wants and and and what if their world collapses bc i said no?
*I hate confrontation. This kinda ties in with not saying no. I don't want to deal with anything that may lead to a confrontation. I avoid it at almost all cost. This hasn't been such a big issue, until i became a mother. My kids need me to face confrontation on their behalf. It makes me ill. Back to ppl pleasing, i guess.
*IM TIRED. Really, i think it's time to end my rant and head to bed. While im sure i could go on and on, im also sure you don't want to read about it for hours on end. LOL.
Gee, have i been taking my meds? HAHAHAHAH, yes, in fact, i have, every single day! Yet, i still seem to feel twisted up inside. Right now, i want to go outside and shout things like :
WHAT ABOUT ME?
JUST GO AWAY!
WHEN IS IT MY TURN?
ME,ME, ME!
And while I'm at it, ask the good Lord for the winning lottery numbers. That would sure make life easier! LOL!
Good night all!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
A night at the races
Last night our local race track had the good neighbor night. Anyone with a Clio/Mt. Morris ID got in free. So, we left the kids with my parents and we went. We had a good time. I love the rumble of the engines as they zoom around the track, the smell of rubber on ashphalt, the grit in my eyes (ok maybe not that part), but it is just exhilirating to watch.
Our day started out kinda early. We were on the road around noon. I had to stop and get a bday gift and a housewarming gift then we had an open house (college grad) party to attend at 2. WE had to leave there, attend a bday party for my friend's 2 yr old, then it was off to the races. But, before the races, we stopped at a yard sale and got a great deal. Jeremy and I each got several shirts, and a pair of pants, he got a couple sweatshirts/pull-0vers, a pair of sandals for Sebastian and Narnia DVD all for 23.00. The stuff is all in great shape. This is the best yard sale i have ever been to. These ladies print out little tags on the computer....on this tag it tells you if its mens, womens, boys, girls, the size and the price. Then they pin it to the clothes. So, there is no confusion. To top that off, they organize all the clothes by size. Even on the racks, its just like at the dept stores, they have little circle things seperating the sizes. Being this organized makes it so much easier to shop a yard sale. I hate having to dig through piles of mixed up sizes and whatnot. OH and before Jeremy and I had stopped there, I had gone with Tiffney and got Makenneh several shirts and stuff to put up for headstart!
So, yesterday was quite an eventful day and kept us all busy! I had to be up at 645 this morning bc I had to pick the kids up from my parents' at 7am bc they were leaving for the UP to camp. I literally woke up, threw clothes on and out the door I went. Then when i got there, I sat and talked to them for a few mins and then climbed in their bed and took a nap. I was sooo tired! Just glad I didn't drink last night! I would have felt even worse.
And, now for the not so fun stuff...Jeremy and I are done drinking pop! Yes, we are both highly addicted to Coke and it's time to quit. I am sure I will have some withdrawals, but I am sick of being so damn fat and this is the first step to making a change. We are also going to quit smoking. I don' t know how it will all work out as we are trying to make several changes at once, but it's time to do it. We waste money that we don't have on smokes, eating out and all that junk. Im going to focus on the money we can save and the better health. Wish me luck!
Oh oh oh..i can't believe i forgot to post this...Makenneh is doing great with potty training. I didn't buy any more pull ups this week. It's underwear only! She has had a few accidents when she waits til it's too late to decide she has to go pee, but i suspect that by the end of this week, we will be home free! I am so proud of her and make such a grand deal out of her using the potty! You other mommy's can just imagine my excitement! Of course, I was beginning to get frustrated with it, bc she was seeming to be lazy about it. she knew what she needed to do, she has been "trying" to potty train since she was a little over 2 and hadn't gotten very far. But, now we are on the right track!
Our day started out kinda early. We were on the road around noon. I had to stop and get a bday gift and a housewarming gift then we had an open house (college grad) party to attend at 2. WE had to leave there, attend a bday party for my friend's 2 yr old, then it was off to the races. But, before the races, we stopped at a yard sale and got a great deal. Jeremy and I each got several shirts, and a pair of pants, he got a couple sweatshirts/pull-0vers, a pair of sandals for Sebastian and Narnia DVD all for 23.00. The stuff is all in great shape. This is the best yard sale i have ever been to. These ladies print out little tags on the computer....on this tag it tells you if its mens, womens, boys, girls, the size and the price. Then they pin it to the clothes. So, there is no confusion. To top that off, they organize all the clothes by size. Even on the racks, its just like at the dept stores, they have little circle things seperating the sizes. Being this organized makes it so much easier to shop a yard sale. I hate having to dig through piles of mixed up sizes and whatnot. OH and before Jeremy and I had stopped there, I had gone with Tiffney and got Makenneh several shirts and stuff to put up for headstart!
So, yesterday was quite an eventful day and kept us all busy! I had to be up at 645 this morning bc I had to pick the kids up from my parents' at 7am bc they were leaving for the UP to camp. I literally woke up, threw clothes on and out the door I went. Then when i got there, I sat and talked to them for a few mins and then climbed in their bed and took a nap. I was sooo tired! Just glad I didn't drink last night! I would have felt even worse.
And, now for the not so fun stuff...Jeremy and I are done drinking pop! Yes, we are both highly addicted to Coke and it's time to quit. I am sure I will have some withdrawals, but I am sick of being so damn fat and this is the first step to making a change. We are also going to quit smoking. I don' t know how it will all work out as we are trying to make several changes at once, but it's time to do it. We waste money that we don't have on smokes, eating out and all that junk. Im going to focus on the money we can save and the better health. Wish me luck!
Oh oh oh..i can't believe i forgot to post this...Makenneh is doing great with potty training. I didn't buy any more pull ups this week. It's underwear only! She has had a few accidents when she waits til it's too late to decide she has to go pee, but i suspect that by the end of this week, we will be home free! I am so proud of her and make such a grand deal out of her using the potty! You other mommy's can just imagine my excitement! Of course, I was beginning to get frustrated with it, bc she was seeming to be lazy about it. she knew what she needed to do, she has been "trying" to potty train since she was a little over 2 and hadn't gotten very far. But, now we are on the right track!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Freebies
I go to babyzone and they have a bargain zone message board. I just started going to that board and I love it. One lady posted a blog that is fully dedicated to freebies from internet sights. So, you guessed it. I have spent the best part of my day right here, requesting hundreds of samples and freebies. everything from cat food, to shampoo, candles, spices, deodorant, you name it, there is most likely a sample for it. So, as most samples will arrive in 6-8 weeks, my poor mail lady is gonna need a wagon just for my samples....lol. Or at least, I hope! IT will be like Christmas! I will try to get the addy for the blog so you can all check it out! This lady must put an awful lot of work into this blog! More than I can say for myself!
I babysat my friend's lil guy today. The kids were all good, but now Sebastian is being a lil whine butt. His napping schedule was thrown off today and Im paying for it now! Hopefully he will go to bed early tonight! Like 730! And, because I have slacked all day, dinner is just now being cooked. We are having tacos and I needed a seasoning packet. Thought i had a bunch in teh cupboard...but i didn't. So, dinner is held up, waiting for Jeremy to return from Kroger with the taco seasoning!
Saturday is going to be a busy day for us. I have a college graduation party to go to, a bday party to go to and then our local race track is doing free admission for anyone living in our town. So, you betcha I wanna go!
Well, he has returned with the goods, so im off to finish dinner!
I babysat my friend's lil guy today. The kids were all good, but now Sebastian is being a lil whine butt. His napping schedule was thrown off today and Im paying for it now! Hopefully he will go to bed early tonight! Like 730! And, because I have slacked all day, dinner is just now being cooked. We are having tacos and I needed a seasoning packet. Thought i had a bunch in teh cupboard...but i didn't. So, dinner is held up, waiting for Jeremy to return from Kroger with the taco seasoning!
Saturday is going to be a busy day for us. I have a college graduation party to go to, a bday party to go to and then our local race track is doing free admission for anyone living in our town. So, you betcha I wanna go!
Well, he has returned with the goods, so im off to finish dinner!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Grandma's Hands!
A friend of mine emailed me this as a forward. After reading it, I wanted to share! And, Helen, it made me think of your dad and his hands and the pictures you took of them!=)
Grandma's Hands
This is good; I'll never look at my hands the same!
Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at
her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.
Finally, not really wanting disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear strong voice.
"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her.
"Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?"
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.
Grandma smiled and related this story:
"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all mylife to reach out and grab and embrace life.
"They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.
"They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.
"They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.
"They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
"These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ."
I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.
When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.
I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.
Grandma's Hands
This is good; I'll never look at my hands the same!
Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at
her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.
Finally, not really wanting disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear strong voice.
"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her.
"Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?"
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.
Grandma smiled and related this story:
"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all mylife to reach out and grab and embrace life.
"They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.
"They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.
"They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.
"They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
"These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ."
I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.
When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.
I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Zoo
Well, being that it was a free trip for us, i feel bad even writing this. But quite frankly, I was very disappointed with the Detroit Zoo! I mean, it's very big and overwhelming, with the attractions all spread out, which is great for the animals, but not so great when you have a 3 yr old and a 15 month old in tow. It just seemed that we no sooner got to the back of the zoo and it was time to high tail it to the front to the picnic area for the lunch that my dad's company provided for us. The biggest dissappointment was the polar bear exhibit. We waited in Cedar Point like lines to walk through the underwater tunnel, to see a few seals swimming around. The polar bears were not in the water. We didn't go through the kangaroo exhibit either, bc the line was always super long and again, just too hard to stand in a long line with toddlers. Not my idea of fun. Anyway, we arrived around noon, bc we were running behind schedule and me, Jeremy and my dad were ready to go by about 3. We didn't get to see the penguins. Several other animals were not out. I would have been very upset if we had actually shelled out the money to go. It wasn't all bad and I would still recommend a visit. The only thing i suggest is to go either at the beginning of the season or maybe towards the end when maybe the weather will be cooler and more animals will be out and also to not take kids under probably 5. Another thing my sister pointed out...its a zoo. Main focus is kids, right? If you are under about 5 ft, you can't see most of the stuff without being held up.
The highlight of the trip for me was the butterfly/aviary attraction. I love butterflies and it is so neat to walk around amongst them. I had 2 butterflies land on me. The kids were in awe and Sebastian didn't want to leave the birds. He loved them. I also liked the giraffes. This was the first time i have seen a real giraffe. Ok, the Lion was awesome too. He did manage to pick his lazy head up and stare out at us! He just looked so majestic!
I think that next summer, we will take the kids to the Saginaw Zoo. My mom and I took Makenneh when she was about 2 and we had a great time. It's smaller and everything kinda runs in a circle or something, instead of all the splitting off that the Detroit Zoo does. They may not have quite as many animals as Detroit, but they have quite a few and you can get in to walk with the kangaroos without a long line. And I love their penguin exhibit. Not to mention there is fossil digging for the kids, the train, petting zoo, etc. So, it just seems that it's more geared towards youngsters than Detroit. (of course, the name of the zoo in Saginaw is Saginaw Children's Zoo...lol).
But anyway, Thank you Comau Pico for providing us with a day of fun at the zoo!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
A pretty good finish
Well, the day started out kinda crappy and went downhill in a way...although i did get many bday wishes via phone, in person, email, blog and myspace! I was pretty bummed at one point this evening, after Jeremy had gotten home. I mentioned wanting to go to dinner and he said we probably couldn't afford to. I was pissed, to be honest. He said, well we could but then i can't get you what I wanted to get you. Then, my brother stopped by and said he didn't have the money to go to dinner either (we were planning on doing something together). I wanted to run to my room and cry. I hate that I get so damn emotional over seemingly trivial things, but i do. Anyway, Matt's gf stopped in and i went to kroger with her. This was going to be the highlight of my night..getting out of the house, without any kids in tow. how sad is that?! Well, she had to pick up a few things and i had to get diapers, wipes, etc. On the way back, she said that we had to stop by her place to pick something up. Well, when we got there, my mom, Jeremy, the kids, my cousin Aaron were all there. They had a cookout going and had made me a bday cake! I was surprised. My sis and her fiance were on their way as well. I was quite shocked that they managed to pull it off. LOL. Matt said he felt bad bc he knew i was getting bummed about not going anywhere...he wanted to tell me but at the same time wanted to surprise me, as the whole idea was Sara's (his gf's). I must say, they did a great job. My brother and Sara got me a shirt and a candle and my sis and Ralph got me a bunch of stuff for my new bathroom (whenever we get to move...lol). It was all the palm tree theme from Croscill. Bright vivid colors, palm trees..and the soap dish is a hammock!!! Way too cute. Can't wait to decorate the new bathroom! It will be the snazziest room in the house. Maybe tomorrow evening i will take some pics of the stuff and post them. They also got me some lottery scratchoffs, which i only won a dollar off of. I just have no luck with those things, but it's still fun to play. Oh and Sara made a cake with my favorite frosting...the funfetti frosting with the sprinkles already in it. HEHEheheh. I feel so loved and thought of. She also made the veggie stir fry that her mom had made while we were up north and I loved. It was so yummy. I want to start making that at least once a week, as its a great way to get those veggies in and I love it!
I should be in bed, as we have to be leaving here by 745 to meet at my parents' by 8am. That is just way too early for this girl! But, im not tired. And i feel like i need to round up something else...like i will be forgetting something. But i have 2 sippy cups, bottle, diapers, pull ups, change of clothes, sunblock, stroller, orajel, motrin, camera.....what am i forgetting?
Well, be watching for pics from the zoo. I am excited to experience it through my childrens' eyes. I think it will just make it all the better.
Oh and speaking of my kids, ihave to add this...makenneh sang me happy bday several times today. It just melts my heart. She is so sweet sometimes it makes it hard to believe that that same girl can be a real monster.
Well, im off to venture thru cyberspace...then off to bed!
I should be in bed, as we have to be leaving here by 745 to meet at my parents' by 8am. That is just way too early for this girl! But, im not tired. And i feel like i need to round up something else...like i will be forgetting something. But i have 2 sippy cups, bottle, diapers, pull ups, change of clothes, sunblock, stroller, orajel, motrin, camera.....what am i forgetting?
Well, be watching for pics from the zoo. I am excited to experience it through my childrens' eyes. I think it will just make it all the better.
Oh and speaking of my kids, ihave to add this...makenneh sang me happy bday several times today. It just melts my heart. She is so sweet sometimes it makes it hard to believe that that same girl can be a real monster.
Well, im off to venture thru cyberspace...then off to bed!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Not a good start.....
I was woke up when hubby got up late for work. No big deal though, i just fell right back to sleep. Well, makenneh woke up around that time and came in crying.....so i came out to the couch with her. She was throwing a fit about wanting to watch her movie and woke Sebastian up, who sat in his crib screaming as if the grim reaper was ripping his limbs off. So now, it is quarter to 7 and both kids are awake on the couch, i am grumpy and tired and mad as a wet hen. They never get up this damn early...so wh;y do they have to today?
Oh and cuz Jeremy woke up late for work, there was no cute little note left for me to find this morning. UGh!!! But he did kiss on me this morning and tell me happy birthday! Right now, im safe to say there is nothing happy about it. Hopefully they both fall back asleep and let me sleep in. HAHAHHAA...not gonna happen, im sure.
Here's hopin the sandman rushes in and pulls my kids under into a nice, deep slumber that lasts until about 1130....lol!
Oh and cuz Jeremy woke up late for work, there was no cute little note left for me to find this morning. UGh!!! But he did kiss on me this morning and tell me happy birthday! Right now, im safe to say there is nothing happy about it. Hopefully they both fall back asleep and let me sleep in. HAHAHHAA...not gonna happen, im sure.
Here's hopin the sandman rushes in and pulls my kids under into a nice, deep slumber that lasts until about 1130....lol!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
What I really want....
Seems how my bday is tomorrow(or today if you are reading this on the 11th...lol), i decided to post the things I really want for my bday.
for just one day, i want my kids to forget how to whine, cry and fight. Just this one day. I also would like for them to just overall be good for me...follow directions, listen the first time, stay out of mischief...you know all that not so fun stuff.
I would also like for my phone to ring off the hook with bday wishes from friends and family.
I would like to be able to sleep in and wake up to the beautiful sunshine and birds chirping rather than one or both of my kids whining or crying
I would like to come out to the living room and find a love note left by Jeremy
I would like him to do something thoughtful for me. I know money is real tight right now, but the gifts from the heart are by far the best.
I would like to wake up to find that the cleaning fairies arrived during the night and left my place sparkling clean.
I would like for all telemarketers to skip my phone number for just this one day!
I would like to go out for dinner with family and friends
extra hugs and kisses from Jeremy and the kids
something special from the kids that daddy helps them make
a cool breeze
lots of sunshine
no humidity
the fleas that have infested my cats to leave
flowers (fresh picked from a field would suit me fine)
oohoooh, how about to wake up skinny? While im dreaming big..i may as well slip that in there too
I know it may seem silly, but even at 26, I am still excited about my bday! I love to have one day dedicated to me. I prefer to have it be laid back and full of family and friends. Nothing fancy or extravagant, just simple pleasures. I don't even need a bday cake. But, if anyone wants to make one...i love the funfetti frosting with the colorful sprinkles already in the frosting (not the one where you top with sprinkles). Or, better yet, I love a homemade banana cake with banana frosting....mmmmmm. OK, yes, i would love a cake. Although, mom is going to be out of town with my uncle...cousin has her senior pics tomorrow on location in Ludington. I don't see anyone else making me a cake. LOL. I thought about going to Ludington with them, as I love that town! It is so beautiful to be there, along the shores of Lake Michigan, surrounded by water and sand dunes. It is just absolutely beautiful! Not to mention, I love road trips!
I know, i sound like I want a lot, huh? But all year, i give of myself, do for others, think of others, etc. So, just one day I like to be about me.
for just one day, i want my kids to forget how to whine, cry and fight. Just this one day. I also would like for them to just overall be good for me...follow directions, listen the first time, stay out of mischief...you know all that not so fun stuff.
I would also like for my phone to ring off the hook with bday wishes from friends and family.
I would like to be able to sleep in and wake up to the beautiful sunshine and birds chirping rather than one or both of my kids whining or crying
I would like to come out to the living room and find a love note left by Jeremy
I would like him to do something thoughtful for me. I know money is real tight right now, but the gifts from the heart are by far the best.
I would like to wake up to find that the cleaning fairies arrived during the night and left my place sparkling clean.
I would like for all telemarketers to skip my phone number for just this one day!
I would like to go out for dinner with family and friends
extra hugs and kisses from Jeremy and the kids
something special from the kids that daddy helps them make
a cool breeze
lots of sunshine
no humidity
the fleas that have infested my cats to leave
flowers (fresh picked from a field would suit me fine)
oohoooh, how about to wake up skinny? While im dreaming big..i may as well slip that in there too
I know it may seem silly, but even at 26, I am still excited about my bday! I love to have one day dedicated to me. I prefer to have it be laid back and full of family and friends. Nothing fancy or extravagant, just simple pleasures. I don't even need a bday cake. But, if anyone wants to make one...i love the funfetti frosting with the colorful sprinkles already in the frosting (not the one where you top with sprinkles). Or, better yet, I love a homemade banana cake with banana frosting....mmmmmm. OK, yes, i would love a cake. Although, mom is going to be out of town with my uncle...cousin has her senior pics tomorrow on location in Ludington. I don't see anyone else making me a cake. LOL. I thought about going to Ludington with them, as I love that town! It is so beautiful to be there, along the shores of Lake Michigan, surrounded by water and sand dunes. It is just absolutely beautiful! Not to mention, I love road trips!
I know, i sound like I want a lot, huh? But all year, i give of myself, do for others, think of others, etc. So, just one day I like to be about me.
Im back!!!
Mom got me a keyboard for my bday (which is tomorrow). She gave it to me today bc she will be out of town for most of the day tomorrow and she knows ive been fretting over no keyboard! How wonderful to type. And this is a nice keyboard. It is the quiet touch ones so that everyone doesn't hear the loud sound of me plucking away on the keys. There is still some sound, but nothing like usual. And its black, so it should hide some of the dirt and grime that always seems to collect on the darn keyboard.
Well, i had hit rock bottom with the depression thing. I went into my doc and he doubled my dose of my one anti depressant and I am supposed to call and make an appt for counseling. I am the queen of procrastination, htough. It's not that i don't wanna go...bc i very much do. Its just taking the initiative to make the darn calls to get it set up.
Saturday we go to the zoo. I am so excited. I know Makenneh will absolutely love it. Im sure Sebastian will too, but Makenneh is old enough to actually appreciate it. Not to mention, she loves animals of any kind. I will be taking my camera, so i will share the pics when we get back.
Nothing else I can really think of right now, but just wanted to post an update!!!!
Well, i had hit rock bottom with the depression thing. I went into my doc and he doubled my dose of my one anti depressant and I am supposed to call and make an appt for counseling. I am the queen of procrastination, htough. It's not that i don't wanna go...bc i very much do. Its just taking the initiative to make the darn calls to get it set up.
Saturday we go to the zoo. I am so excited. I know Makenneh will absolutely love it. Im sure Sebastian will too, but Makenneh is old enough to actually appreciate it. Not to mention, she loves animals of any kind. I will be taking my camera, so i will share the pics when we get back.
Nothing else I can really think of right now, but just wanted to post an update!!!!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Just a quick update
Well, as you read in the previous post, my keyboard is broken. It's actually the ps/2 port that the keyboard plugs into that is broken. The only way to fix it is to get a keyboard with a usb cord, which is looking like i will have to go wireless to get that. And that means money that i don't have at the moment. so, for the time being, i am offline. Right now, i am at my uncle's using his internet to update everyone and catch up on my emails and such.
This past weekend we went up north with my brother and his gf. His gf's mom has a place right by the water. It was very nice. WE spent the days on the pontoon, the evenings kicking back and hving drinks and even bonfires. Very relaxing. I didn't want to come home but reality is a bitch. LOL.
I did get some sun and look pretty good with color! LOL.
The kids are bratty as ever. nothing new there. Mom had teh kids for the weekend while we were upnorth and she finally realized what i was talking about. they gave her a run for her money. Makenneh is so darn stubborn that there is no getting through to her.
gee i feel like im trying to cram a lifetime of notes into one short post.
My bday is this friday..the 11th! I hope i get to do something nice. It seems every year my bday is crappy (with last year being an exception). It's not that i expect anything elabortate, but i like to have my special day recognized. Im thinking i would like to go out to the bowling alley. that way they can bowl and i might too, but mostly, i can have some drinks and cut loose....lol.
Well, we finally got the credit card we needed to proceed with the home loan. Now, im torn bc we just found out about a friend of the family who has a 3 bdrm mobile home for sale for a measley 3k and its said to be in nice shape. It's also in teh same school district we are house hunting in. So, jeremy and i have somet hings to talk about before diving in one way or the other.
ok, thats the most i can think to update right now..this keyboard of my uncle's is tricky and i seem to make a lot oof typos...hope everyone is enjoying the rest of their summers!!!!! Ill be back as soon as i get things taken care of!
This past weekend we went up north with my brother and his gf. His gf's mom has a place right by the water. It was very nice. WE spent the days on the pontoon, the evenings kicking back and hving drinks and even bonfires. Very relaxing. I didn't want to come home but reality is a bitch. LOL.
I did get some sun and look pretty good with color! LOL.
The kids are bratty as ever. nothing new there. Mom had teh kids for the weekend while we were upnorth and she finally realized what i was talking about. they gave her a run for her money. Makenneh is so darn stubborn that there is no getting through to her.
gee i feel like im trying to cram a lifetime of notes into one short post.
My bday is this friday..the 11th! I hope i get to do something nice. It seems every year my bday is crappy (with last year being an exception). It's not that i expect anything elabortate, but i like to have my special day recognized. Im thinking i would like to go out to the bowling alley. that way they can bowl and i might too, but mostly, i can have some drinks and cut loose....lol.
Well, we finally got the credit card we needed to proceed with the home loan. Now, im torn bc we just found out about a friend of the family who has a 3 bdrm mobile home for sale for a measley 3k and its said to be in nice shape. It's also in teh same school district we are house hunting in. So, jeremy and i have somet hings to talk about before diving in one way or the other.
ok, thats the most i can think to update right now..this keyboard of my uncle's is tricky and i seem to make a lot oof typos...hope everyone is enjoying the rest of their summers!!!!! Ill be back as soon as i get things taken care of!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
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