Happy Birthday, Uncle Ken, counseling, first day of work.....

Yeah, it's gonna be a multi topic post. Today is my uncle's bday! He just got out of an awful marriage about 6 months ago and while he is turning one year older today, he looks younger and more alive than he has in years! He goes out every weekend, he is always singing and dancing and wearing a smile! Im so happy for him that he was finally able to enjoy life and be happy!

I had my first counseling appt yesterday. It went quite well and I think I will like my counselor, Pam. I was more honest with her in one visit than I was with any other counselor in a whole year or whatever. So, that's probably a good start. The first visit is mostly intake and boy did i give her a lot to take in. I think I saw her head spinning at times! lol.

And, in a short half hour, i will leaving for my first day of work at Walmart! I have mixed feelings. i think once i get there and "settle in" i will be ok. But I really don't like "unknowns" or new situations that well. And the prospect of having to get up extra early to rustle up two sleeping kids and get them to a sitter makes me queasy. As i was in the shower this morning, i couldn't help but say, "what I wouldn't give if i didn't have to do this." I am feeling sick to my stomach. I don't know why. Anxiety!! I didn't feel this way prior to starting Kroger. But then, I knew the employees for the most part, as I go in there almost every day and sometimes 2 times a day. Plus, it was an up and running store, i knew what i would have to do. This time, I will be doing anything and everything in order to get the store up and running, ready for the opening on sept 20. I don't know any employees except those I had orientation with and my cousin and friend, who also got hired, but work different shifts. AH, Christina, get over it. Go in with your head held high, saying to yourself, "you're the shit!" LOL. Yes, i think a lot of it is self esteem issues. I have to force myself consciously to have self esteem in new situations. I always want to revert back to my days of almost no esteem. I have it now, its just covered sometimes and i have to pull it out! One of my goals for counseling is to get my self esteem up to an 8 (on a scale of 1-10). Right now, i measured it at a 5. That's an improvement from before. I have lots of goals for counseling that I don't think 20 visits is going to fix...lol. But that's all my insurance will cover and Lord knows I can't afford to pay for visits. I saw the price chart and about fell outta my chair. If you weren't totally crazy going into counseling ,you will be after you pay for it, if you have to pay outta the pocket! Not only will you be crazy, but broke as hell! It's like 120.00 per visit with a counselor and God forbid you need to see the Dr. That's more! And for those who don't know....a full counseling session is a whopping 45 mins!!!!

Oh, on a good note, I found a long lost friend on Myspace! I am so happy. When i was growing up, we lived in a trailer park and I became friends with this girl who lived across the street. She was a few yrs younger than me, but there weren't any kids my age. Anyway, we used to play together every day! Then, she moved away and that was it. I was so sad for a long time! I always wanted to find her. As a kid, i remember looking at the stars and thinking, somewhere, Amber might be looking at the same stars. Corny, I know...but i missed her so! Well, i finally tried a search on myspace, using the last school i knew she attended and Voila! I found her. As soon as i saw her picture, I knew it was her. So, we have been emailing back and forth. She still lives in MI, but about an hour north of me. Her family lives down here though, so I told her we will have to get together next time she is down. See, Myspace does work for good things!!!

Well, i need to rustle up the troops and get them to the sitter! Wish me luck and the ability to keep my stomach calm! LOL~!