We get internet tomorrow. So, really, not even one more day. I actually haven't missed the internet as much as I thought I would. It does get boring at night, though. Everyone goes to bed by 10pm at the very latest. My dad goes around 9pm and at that time, the whole house shuts down. so, can't do anything that makes an excessive amount of noise. Most nights, after kids are asleep, I go to my uncles and hang out for a bit or make a trip to walmart. Something to prevent me from going stir-crazy. Other than that, everything is going pretty well. I am at the computer lab at college right now. Our class let out early tonight so i thought i would come in and give an update.
We are having a bday party for the kids on Sunday. I went today to get all the food for it. Just doing hot dogs, a chili dip and taco salad. Quick, easy and inexpensive.
The college is empty and me and one other girl are the only two here, except the security guard, so i am gonna go. should be back in business tomorrow evening.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
checking in
I am at my father-in-laws, so thought I would check in real quick.
The move has gone ok. Still so much to unpack and organize. But, Im still not feeling completely up to par, so that doesn't help. We took the kids to see the Easter Bunny today. Makenneh sat right up there, not a problem. Sebastian didn't think it was a good idea. So, we got a pic of makenneh with him, then, I sat next to the bunny and held Sebastian and so we also have a pic of me, the kids and the bunny. Spiderman was also there, but the kids weren't too interested in him.
It is so hard for me to adjust to living w/ my parents. They go to bed so darn early and there is nothing to do, but go to bed, or sit up and watch tv. CAn't wait for internet.
We are doing dinner tomorrow. Mom has to work, but will be home around 3-4pm.
Well, there is a lot to really say, but I feel I am being highly rude by sitting in here on the computer. So, I will stop here, wish everyone a Happy Easter and a Happy Spring! Hope to be able to check in again soon! Take care!
The move has gone ok. Still so much to unpack and organize. But, Im still not feeling completely up to par, so that doesn't help. We took the kids to see the Easter Bunny today. Makenneh sat right up there, not a problem. Sebastian didn't think it was a good idea. So, we got a pic of makenneh with him, then, I sat next to the bunny and held Sebastian and so we also have a pic of me, the kids and the bunny. Spiderman was also there, but the kids weren't too interested in him.
It is so hard for me to adjust to living w/ my parents. They go to bed so darn early and there is nothing to do, but go to bed, or sit up and watch tv. CAn't wait for internet.
We are doing dinner tomorrow. Mom has to work, but will be home around 3-4pm.
Well, there is a lot to really say, but I feel I am being highly rude by sitting in here on the computer. So, I will stop here, wish everyone a Happy Easter and a Happy Spring! Hope to be able to check in again soon! Take care!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Some kinda bug
seems to be making its way around here. Last night, I was so miserably sick. I was cold, freezing cold, colder than I had ever been, cold. And I felt like I was riding on a the spinniest, fastest carnival ride. I felt so much like I needed to vomit, yet I couldn't. Makenneh wanted me to lay down with her and I did...only to feel like the room was spinning. I tried to lay there with her for a bit, but finally had to get up. I was complaining to Jeremy about how awful I felt and he suggested a hot shower. Except I didn't have the energy to take one. I went back to the bathroom to take my contacts out and as I was washing my hands, the hot water felt so soothing. Before I knew it I was climbing in the shower, with the water as hot as I could stand it. But, it didn't take long for me to feel the need to sit down. So, i left the shower on (we have a handheld shower head) and sat back in the bathtub. The only problem was, the only part of my body that would feel warm was the part the water was spraying on...leaving the rest of me to feel freezing. I called for someone to come shut the bathroom door and turn the heat up. Huge thing for me, as I usually can't take a shower with bathroom door shut bc I get too hot and start to feel queasy. But, I couldn't get warm. The shower/bath helped some and I didn't get out until the water turned cold. I felt better afterward. Just a sour stomach. Well, today, Jeremy got hit with it. He felt so awful, he has done nothing much more than lay down/sleep.
Oh I am getting so darn frustrated with this. I had a longer post (go figure) and hit post....it wasn't doing anything. Hit refresh...anyway, get back to my list of posts and went to post it...worked like a charm...only half of the post is missing. Oh well. .
Oh I am getting so darn frustrated with this. I had a longer post (go figure) and hit post....it wasn't doing anything. Hit refresh...anyway, get back to my list of posts and went to post it...worked like a charm...only half of the post is missing. Oh well. .
Sunday, March 16, 2008
And another night
I guess it's really because we are so darn unorganized about the whole thing (could it be dread?). But, we weren't very productive today at all. We did get a couple car loads of stuff to my parents and even got the bedroom we will be staying in organized (mom is a pack rat). But, we stayed another night here at our place. It should be our last night, but who knows. I have school tomorrow, as my spring break comes to an end tonight. So, I won't be able to do much at all.
I told my mom about Jeremy's job. She didn't make the comment I dreaded she would. She didn't really say much of anything, which is probably a good thing. I didn't give her much opportunity, because I was able to tell her that I honestly feel that this happened for a reason and that better things are up ahead. I squashed any of her possible negativity before it began.
My mom is a hard one to explain. She is a great person, but she tends to get wrapped up in negativity. She always assumes the worst (of people, situations, life in general) and she tends to narrow in on the negatives. I have also noticed that as she gets older, she has become more judgmental and more vocal about her (often misguided) opinions. Sometimes, it gets to be too much and I have learned to let her know when it gets to that point. For a time, us 3 kids (her kids) didn't like to be around her too long because it was a huge depressor. Then I realized it was only fair if I told her why. And now, I will remind her when she starts to get carried away thinking the worst. She wasn't always this way, and part of proof should be the fact that she has raised 3 kids who are nothing like that. We are all more optimistic, easy going, laid back. If my dad were to lose his job (heck, even when he gets laid off) she freaks right out and starts instantly fretting over how bills will get paid and "gee, he will probably be off for a long time and how will we ever make it..." She did that this last time. "Yeah, they told him it would probably only be a couple weeks, but we know that could turn into months..." She called within days to get their cell phones shut off and was just constantly fretting. And what do you know? He was called back after 2 weeks.
Well, my family is peacefully crashed on the mattress we put down in the living room. It's rather cute. I was even laying down there, until the phone rang. I need to get back to getting things done around here or we will never be out of here. I put in for the gas and electric to be shut off on the 20th, so we have to be out by then. I need to call tomorrow to have the phone shut off.
Til next time, take care!
I told my mom about Jeremy's job. She didn't make the comment I dreaded she would. She didn't really say much of anything, which is probably a good thing. I didn't give her much opportunity, because I was able to tell her that I honestly feel that this happened for a reason and that better things are up ahead. I squashed any of her possible negativity before it began.
My mom is a hard one to explain. She is a great person, but she tends to get wrapped up in negativity. She always assumes the worst (of people, situations, life in general) and she tends to narrow in on the negatives. I have also noticed that as she gets older, she has become more judgmental and more vocal about her (often misguided) opinions. Sometimes, it gets to be too much and I have learned to let her know when it gets to that point. For a time, us 3 kids (her kids) didn't like to be around her too long because it was a huge depressor. Then I realized it was only fair if I told her why. And now, I will remind her when she starts to get carried away thinking the worst. She wasn't always this way, and part of proof should be the fact that she has raised 3 kids who are nothing like that. We are all more optimistic, easy going, laid back. If my dad were to lose his job (heck, even when he gets laid off) she freaks right out and starts instantly fretting over how bills will get paid and "gee, he will probably be off for a long time and how will we ever make it..." She did that this last time. "Yeah, they told him it would probably only be a couple weeks, but we know that could turn into months..." She called within days to get their cell phones shut off and was just constantly fretting. And what do you know? He was called back after 2 weeks.
Well, my family is peacefully crashed on the mattress we put down in the living room. It's rather cute. I was even laying down there, until the phone rang. I need to get back to getting things done around here or we will never be out of here. I put in for the gas and electric to be shut off on the 20th, so we have to be out by then. I need to call tomorrow to have the phone shut off.
Til next time, take care!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
One more day
and we all moved out. We got a lot of it out of here today, but will move the rest tomorrow..that's the stuff that will go with us to my parents. Oh and still have the washer and dryer and fridge to get in storage. I wanted to finish up some laundry before letting the washer/dryer go though. that way Im not taking a bunch of dirty laundry to mom's. We may need to take our fridge to my parents and hook it up in the garage, bc their freezer is quite full and ours is pretty full....sooo, may need to keep it plugged in and use as a spare.
Everything still feels surreal to me. I just feel like im in a fog. Or a crazy bad dream. The whole job thing, the moving in with my parents (which is great, seems how if we had gotten our own place originally, we would be in a real bind right now). Jeremy already has a couple job leads, so hopefully it won't be long. The worst part is, he is so angry with himself and is just overall grumpy. Not extreme, but like today, while moving, he got agitated easily. And I know it's because he is stressed, mad at himself and even a bit fearful of what the future holds. I know everything will be ok.
The kids stayed the weekend with my aunt & uncle...they love playing with my cousins. Well, my one cousin is 16 but she loves the kids to death and they have a great time with her. But, i miss them. I wanna go get them. I had to remind myself, that I am lucky to have family nearby that can help out with them during these times. It would have been very frustrating trying to move and then being here tonight, with very few amenities, having two little kids.
Well, I need to finish my rounds on here and get back to work around here. Jeremy reminded me that we may not be able to get online at my mom's at all, depending on how she has her phone plan set up. The phone company (same that I have here, that is a bitch to deal with) charges for every "non-voice" call unless you pay an astronomical amount per month for this very unlimited plan. It's a pain. So, we will see how everything works out. I can't ask mom and dad to up their phone bill right now, bc i don't know how we would be able to pay them for it. So, i may be a little while without internet. It makes my chest tighten a bit...bc this is my outlet and the upcoming weeks are probably going to be quite an adjustment period, in which i could really use the venting/outlet. But, such is life.
So, in case I am not back on before then, Happy Easter and take care!
Everything still feels surreal to me. I just feel like im in a fog. Or a crazy bad dream. The whole job thing, the moving in with my parents (which is great, seems how if we had gotten our own place originally, we would be in a real bind right now). Jeremy already has a couple job leads, so hopefully it won't be long. The worst part is, he is so angry with himself and is just overall grumpy. Not extreme, but like today, while moving, he got agitated easily. And I know it's because he is stressed, mad at himself and even a bit fearful of what the future holds. I know everything will be ok.
The kids stayed the weekend with my aunt & uncle...they love playing with my cousins. Well, my one cousin is 16 but she loves the kids to death and they have a great time with her. But, i miss them. I wanna go get them. I had to remind myself, that I am lucky to have family nearby that can help out with them during these times. It would have been very frustrating trying to move and then being here tonight, with very few amenities, having two little kids.
Well, I need to finish my rounds on here and get back to work around here. Jeremy reminded me that we may not be able to get online at my mom's at all, depending on how she has her phone plan set up. The phone company (same that I have here, that is a bitch to deal with) charges for every "non-voice" call unless you pay an astronomical amount per month for this very unlimited plan. It's a pain. So, we will see how everything works out. I can't ask mom and dad to up their phone bill right now, bc i don't know how we would be able to pay them for it. So, i may be a little while without internet. It makes my chest tighten a bit...bc this is my outlet and the upcoming weeks are probably going to be quite an adjustment period, in which i could really use the venting/outlet. But, such is life.
So, in case I am not back on before then, Happy Easter and take care!
Friday, March 14, 2008
What gives
I don't want to go into details, but Jeremy lost his job today. It was his own fault and stupidity and I don't know what to think or feel. I feel a bunch of mixed emotions and at the same time, I feel somewhat numb and indifferent. He has apologized and he realizes that he messed up. Of course, that doesn't change much of anything, other than it did lead to a discussion that has been needing to take place. I will need all of the prayers I can get if i am to get through this. Part of me says to just leave and throw in the towel. But, the truth is, I think my marriage is worth more than that and I did vow to love him for better or worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer and well, I feel that this is one of those times in which we have to work together to overcome the obstacle placed before us. We are allowed mistakes and as a spouse, we should be there to pick the other up when he or she falls. I do love him more than life and am willing to stick it out, only because he has promised to make some changes.
The hardest part for me is the fact that just yesterday I was thinking about how good things have been going, how there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I realize that light was just a freight train. It's mowed me over and now I can either get up, brush myself off and try again or stay laying down and do nothing. I did realize today that maybe I am stronger, mentally, than I thought. That maybe, despite this untreated depression, I have strength to see things through.
Sadly, my biggest fear about the whole thing is telling my mom. Why? I don't know. Other than I can hear her now...."you are gonna live my life...." I hate when she says that. Partly because, if she would step out of her small box and look back in at her life from an objective viewpoint, she may realize it wasn't quite *that* bad. Secondly, because there is a huge difference in mindset btwn her and I. I don't dwell on stuff, I don't hold onto it forever until it consumes me and I am optimistic where she is pessimistic. Where she tries to go it alone, I realize the need to surrender. I realize that only God can see me through my darkest hours. I can't do it alone. Third, it frustrates me when she says that because I take full accountability for my situation. I realize that I am where I am because of choices *I* have made. Choices nobody else has ever made me make. I realize that I am responsible for me and my life. When you do this, then you have the power to make changes needed to rise above it all.
See, I love this blog. I love being able to sort it all out. I came here feeling so down and full of despair. I will walk away feeling hopeful and content. Just by writing all these thoughts down, I have realized that it will be ok, that I will tell mom simply that he lost his job and I don't wish to talk about it right now and move on. He is going in Monday to talk to his aunt who works in the MichWorks office....She might be able to help him line up a new job. And who knows, maybe this happened for a reason (everything does). That job was a dead end job. He had been there over 2 years without ever receiving a pay raise, even though they boss has always told him that his production is one of the highest in the building. So, maybe this will open a new door for a better opportunity.
We were supposed to do our moving this weekend, but my sister has several things to do tomorrow, so I won't have her truck. Unless we can figure something else out, I don't know how much we will get accomplished. We may have to cram what we can in our car (thankfully it's not a compact car) and make several trips, saving only the large stuff for Sunday.
Well, I'm done for now. I don't know how much I will be posting for awhile because once the computer is tore down and moved, I don't know when I will get on again. We were going to add internet at my mom's, bc we won't have a phone bill, but now, it will be limited to the free dial up from college and so I won't be on as much, because I can't tie their phone line up. WE will see.
The hardest part for me is the fact that just yesterday I was thinking about how good things have been going, how there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I realize that light was just a freight train. It's mowed me over and now I can either get up, brush myself off and try again or stay laying down and do nothing. I did realize today that maybe I am stronger, mentally, than I thought. That maybe, despite this untreated depression, I have strength to see things through.
Sadly, my biggest fear about the whole thing is telling my mom. Why? I don't know. Other than I can hear her now...."you are gonna live my life...." I hate when she says that. Partly because, if she would step out of her small box and look back in at her life from an objective viewpoint, she may realize it wasn't quite *that* bad. Secondly, because there is a huge difference in mindset btwn her and I. I don't dwell on stuff, I don't hold onto it forever until it consumes me and I am optimistic where she is pessimistic. Where she tries to go it alone, I realize the need to surrender. I realize that only God can see me through my darkest hours. I can't do it alone. Third, it frustrates me when she says that because I take full accountability for my situation. I realize that I am where I am because of choices *I* have made. Choices nobody else has ever made me make. I realize that I am responsible for me and my life. When you do this, then you have the power to make changes needed to rise above it all.
See, I love this blog. I love being able to sort it all out. I came here feeling so down and full of despair. I will walk away feeling hopeful and content. Just by writing all these thoughts down, I have realized that it will be ok, that I will tell mom simply that he lost his job and I don't wish to talk about it right now and move on. He is going in Monday to talk to his aunt who works in the MichWorks office....She might be able to help him line up a new job. And who knows, maybe this happened for a reason (everything does). That job was a dead end job. He had been there over 2 years without ever receiving a pay raise, even though they boss has always told him that his production is one of the highest in the building. So, maybe this will open a new door for a better opportunity.
We were supposed to do our moving this weekend, but my sister has several things to do tomorrow, so I won't have her truck. Unless we can figure something else out, I don't know how much we will get accomplished. We may have to cram what we can in our car (thankfully it's not a compact car) and make several trips, saving only the large stuff for Sunday.
Well, I'm done for now. I don't know how much I will be posting for awhile because once the computer is tore down and moved, I don't know when I will get on again. We were going to add internet at my mom's, bc we won't have a phone bill, but now, it will be limited to the free dial up from college and so I won't be on as much, because I can't tie their phone line up. WE will see.
Friday, already?
My spring break is almost over. The week flew by. Of course it did. It was a week off. Those always fly by. Tomorrow I am running the roads with my sister. We are taking our wedding rings in to get them cleaned/inspected then we are stopping by my college to get things straightening out on my loan application. I really hope they approve it. I so need the money.
My jewelry came in from my jewelry party. I was so excited, until I opened the box and discovered that the necklace extenders I ordered are on backorder. That means I can't comfortably wear my necklaces until they arrive. Hmph. But, I am very happy with my necklaces. The one is sooo much prettier in person than in the book. I can't wait to wear it. Who would have thought that I would be into accessories? My sister talked me into ordering a pair of earrings, at the last party. She said I need to wear them. I haven't worn earrings in years. I did wear a pair on my wedding day...but you can bet I took them out at the reception. LOL. The ones I ordered were just plain silver hoops. But, speaking of ordering those earrings...let me tell you a story of an ungrateful relative. The hostess of the jewelry party was my cousin. The one who lives by me. She ended up not getting her invites out bc she insisted on handing them out herself. So, her party wasn't a big turn out or anything. Of the handful of people who showed up, only two of us ordered. I only ordered the earrings, which were around $22. Well, she had made a comment to one of our cousins how she spent $80 (or whatever it was) at my party and I only spent twenty something at hers. I am soooo livid. I didn't realize things like this had to be a competition or whatever. She lives with her fiance, they both make more than Jeremy does and they have no kids. She can afford to blow money on things like jewelry. I can't. Period. I really shouldn't have ordered anything, but did figure I should order something. Instead of her being thankful I ordered at all, she complains that I didn't order "enough". She is young and seems to think in rather simplistic terms. She thinks everything is just simple. Raising kids? Piece of cake. She is always the first to criticize everyone and their parenting mistakes. I try to gently remind her that I had it all planned out too. Then I had kids. Boy did things change. The very things I said "I'd never"....yeah well, they quickly fell to the wayside. My kids have slept in our bed, they stay up late, they are mouthy, yadda yadda yadda. She has admitted that she is judgmental but I never realized how bad until the past few months. I actually feel sorry for her that feels life is a competition and we should all strive to keep up or better yet, outdo the Joneses. She got her engagement ring and had to be sure everyone knew how much it cost and make hurtful comments like, "I had to outdo (name of other cousin who recently married)." Funny thing is, she said this right to other cousin's mom and the truth is, the ring she had to "outdo" cost several times hers. Not that it matters. Why would you care? Why would you say something like that to someone? She has made so many comments belittling other ppl's rings, and right in front of people that it has hurt feelings. One cousin was recently engaged and her ring is a rather simple solitaire that didn't cost "lots of money". But, it was what she wanted. Her fiance feels like crap hearing what Ashley says because he feels like he didn't spend enough on the ring. I told him not to worry about it bc Rachel isn't materialistic and shallow and she loves it and that's what counts. My ring is a simple solitaire. Cost under $500...i don't care. It is exactly what I wanted. Things like this with Ashley are just really irritating me. /end rant.
I got the paper products for the kids' bday parties. I decided to do one, on Sebastian's bday, for family and will be for both of them. Then, I will do a separate one for Makenneh's friends at a local kids pizza place and no not Chuck E. Cheese, as our local one seems to include riots and well, that's not my style. Yes, riots at Chuck E. Cheese. Where a Kid can be a.....victim! Anyway, I got Hannah Montana stuff for M's bday with her friends. She loves it. She doesn't get to watch HM bc we don't have cable, but she has watched her before (when we had cable) and when she is at gma's. She loves her bc well, Makenneh wants to be a "rock star" when she grows up. I foresee the need for a sound-proof basement in my future!
So back to the bday parties. I feel kinda guilty that Sebastian has to share his party with Makenneh but at the same time, I can't afford to do hers totally separate with family at the pizza place too. And this is her 5th bday and the very first one to include friends (aside from my friend's kids by default). It sucks that their bdays are 2 weeks apart. It's too much to do 2 sep. family parties that close. I intend to make the family party more about Sebastian. More his theme decor, etc. I figure Makenneh will get her day to shine on her own party with friends. Parenting can be a giant guilt trip. It really can.
Well, we are doing the move this weekend. Already took one load of boxes to storage. The rest will be hauled out of here over the weekend. We decided to stay with my parents, as I think I mentioned in previous post. Hopefully there are no hard feelings. Shouldn't be. I have to make choices that are in the best interest of my children. Of course, staying with gma and papa may not be in their best interest (or mine) either. I can just imagine. My mom is worse than me when it comes to giving in. Thankfully papa will help balance it out. I also figure that by the time we move from there, the kids will be going to bed on time, behaving better and it will be worth it. Of course, as it is, they are going to bed so much better for me. It has been so nice to have a few hours of peace before morning. I even find that I can go to bed earlier. I have time to unwind and be alone and can get to bed early as a result. I don't always do that though, as you can see. I am still a night owl by nature. I hate mornings. No matter what time I go to bed, I do not want to see sunrise. Leave it to the chickens. They can crow all they want...i will saw logs, thank you very much. But, I must start adjusting as school schedule for kids require early mornings. In my mind, I long to be that picturesque housewife.....get up early, before the kids, drink some coffee, start some laundry, putter around, wake the children, make them breakfast, get them ready for school, send them off, come home, do housework, bake cookies, make dinner. But, I think I am missing that gene that allows one to do those things. I just don't get into it. I get up when I am woke up by one of the kids. I stumble out of bed *silently cursing the morning*, chill out for a few, waking up, go to kitchen, get them something to eat (praying they don't ask me to actually make anything....cereal anyone? banana? nooooo toast, please, i don't want to go through that many steps this early...). Sigh, get out the bread, put in toaster, get out butter, plate, toast pops up, butter it, yeah it's not so bad. Really, I'm not completely horrible. Some mornings I even make eggs or pancakes. I really don't toss em a bone and call it breakfast. although, make it a milk bone and Sebastian would be more than delighted. He loves him some dog/cat food.
In fact, have to share a funny store. he stayed at my uncle's last friday. Woke up saturday morning. TJ asked him if he wanted to eat. He said yes. she asked him if he wanted cereal, No. Banana? No. So, meanwhile, dogs were wanting to be fed, so she got their food. Went to put the dog food back in the laundry room and came back to find Sebastian, seated happily at the table with two handfuls of dog food before him, eating away. She said, you wanted dog food for breakfast? To which he proudly replied, "yep". Then he asked for a drink. One must have a drink to wash down the dog food, you know. So, she asked him if he wanted milk (she has no kids of her own...hence all the open ended choices). He said no to milk and points at her coffee cup, "want thees." "you want coffee?" "Yep". And so it was. She poured him coffee (a tad of coffee, a lot of water). He was a very happy boy and sat at the table with her chattering away about things of which she had no idea. But he was full of conversation as he enjoyed his breakfast of dog food and coffee. Strangely enough, my brother used to love to eat dog food too, when he was younger. We always joked that that's why he is so big/strong. All those milk bones and dog food. With Sebastian, I sometimes think it's a strong link to his animalistic nature. I often think he is convinced he *is* an animal. He loves to crawl around and act like a dog (and sissy encourages it: "say woof woof, doggy). He also likes to eat at the cat food dish just like the cat...on all fours, face in bowl. He has been seen doing the same with my brother's dogs...right alongside the dogs. Funny how they don't like to be bothered while eating, unless it's a blonde-haired little boy, down on all fours, eating alongside them. then, well, it's ok. I of course, stop him from doing that...bc he doesn't need to act any more like an animal than he already does. But, when I first see it, I sorta chuckle inside...as I am telling him not to do it. "Sebastian, you are not a dog/cat. You are a little boy and little boys don't eat like that." I don't think he is convinced.
My sister had put her application in at the local bank bc they had a position open. She hadn't heard anything back and was bummed that they didn't call her. She figured she must not have scored well enough on either the personality test or the application test (yeah, right). Well, today, she got a call from HR asking when she would be available for a phone interview. Right now would be fine. So, they proceeded with the phone interview. The lady really liked her and it sounds as if the job is hers. The HR lady has to call the local branch and set up a time for a face to face interview and will be getting back with her. OF course, my sister is known at the bank as my parents have banked there their entire married life and my sister has banked there. Most of them in there know her. The only issue is this will mean that her husband's family will have to pay someone to come in and care for their aunt that lives with Carrie and her husband. Aunt Helen can't be left alone. So, I told Carrie that would be a perfect opportunity for mom so she can get out of that damned restaurant. I will be so happy when mom can tell them to take that job and shove it. Sooo happy. Probably not as happy as she will be, but very happy, still. So, I really hope Carrie gets the job. I don't doubt that she will. She has excellent experience, she is a huge people person and has a personality that is just amazing. She's like a ray of light. Except when she's not...then she is pretty darn scary. LOL. Seriously though, she is a very likable person.
Well, I will end this novel here. I swear I could type here all dang night....
My jewelry came in from my jewelry party. I was so excited, until I opened the box and discovered that the necklace extenders I ordered are on backorder. That means I can't comfortably wear my necklaces until they arrive. Hmph. But, I am very happy with my necklaces. The one is sooo much prettier in person than in the book. I can't wait to wear it. Who would have thought that I would be into accessories? My sister talked me into ordering a pair of earrings, at the last party. She said I need to wear them. I haven't worn earrings in years. I did wear a pair on my wedding day...but you can bet I took them out at the reception. LOL. The ones I ordered were just plain silver hoops. But, speaking of ordering those earrings...let me tell you a story of an ungrateful relative. The hostess of the jewelry party was my cousin. The one who lives by me. She ended up not getting her invites out bc she insisted on handing them out herself. So, her party wasn't a big turn out or anything. Of the handful of people who showed up, only two of us ordered. I only ordered the earrings, which were around $22. Well, she had made a comment to one of our cousins how she spent $80 (or whatever it was) at my party and I only spent twenty something at hers. I am soooo livid. I didn't realize things like this had to be a competition or whatever. She lives with her fiance, they both make more than Jeremy does and they have no kids. She can afford to blow money on things like jewelry. I can't. Period. I really shouldn't have ordered anything, but did figure I should order something. Instead of her being thankful I ordered at all, she complains that I didn't order "enough". She is young and seems to think in rather simplistic terms. She thinks everything is just simple. Raising kids? Piece of cake. She is always the first to criticize everyone and their parenting mistakes. I try to gently remind her that I had it all planned out too. Then I had kids. Boy did things change. The very things I said "I'd never"....yeah well, they quickly fell to the wayside. My kids have slept in our bed, they stay up late, they are mouthy, yadda yadda yadda. She has admitted that she is judgmental but I never realized how bad until the past few months. I actually feel sorry for her that feels life is a competition and we should all strive to keep up or better yet, outdo the Joneses. She got her engagement ring and had to be sure everyone knew how much it cost and make hurtful comments like, "I had to outdo (name of other cousin who recently married)." Funny thing is, she said this right to other cousin's mom and the truth is, the ring she had to "outdo" cost several times hers. Not that it matters. Why would you care? Why would you say something like that to someone? She has made so many comments belittling other ppl's rings, and right in front of people that it has hurt feelings. One cousin was recently engaged and her ring is a rather simple solitaire that didn't cost "lots of money". But, it was what she wanted. Her fiance feels like crap hearing what Ashley says because he feels like he didn't spend enough on the ring. I told him not to worry about it bc Rachel isn't materialistic and shallow and she loves it and that's what counts. My ring is a simple solitaire. Cost under $500...i don't care. It is exactly what I wanted. Things like this with Ashley are just really irritating me. /end rant.
I got the paper products for the kids' bday parties. I decided to do one, on Sebastian's bday, for family and will be for both of them. Then, I will do a separate one for Makenneh's friends at a local kids pizza place and no not Chuck E. Cheese, as our local one seems to include riots and well, that's not my style. Yes, riots at Chuck E. Cheese. Where a Kid can be a.....victim! Anyway, I got Hannah Montana stuff for M's bday with her friends. She loves it. She doesn't get to watch HM bc we don't have cable, but she has watched her before (when we had cable) and when she is at gma's. She loves her bc well, Makenneh wants to be a "rock star" when she grows up. I foresee the need for a sound-proof basement in my future!
So back to the bday parties. I feel kinda guilty that Sebastian has to share his party with Makenneh but at the same time, I can't afford to do hers totally separate with family at the pizza place too. And this is her 5th bday and the very first one to include friends (aside from my friend's kids by default). It sucks that their bdays are 2 weeks apart. It's too much to do 2 sep. family parties that close. I intend to make the family party more about Sebastian. More his theme decor, etc. I figure Makenneh will get her day to shine on her own party with friends. Parenting can be a giant guilt trip. It really can.
Well, we are doing the move this weekend. Already took one load of boxes to storage. The rest will be hauled out of here over the weekend. We decided to stay with my parents, as I think I mentioned in previous post. Hopefully there are no hard feelings. Shouldn't be. I have to make choices that are in the best interest of my children. Of course, staying with gma and papa may not be in their best interest (or mine) either. I can just imagine. My mom is worse than me when it comes to giving in. Thankfully papa will help balance it out. I also figure that by the time we move from there, the kids will be going to bed on time, behaving better and it will be worth it. Of course, as it is, they are going to bed so much better for me. It has been so nice to have a few hours of peace before morning. I even find that I can go to bed earlier. I have time to unwind and be alone and can get to bed early as a result. I don't always do that though, as you can see. I am still a night owl by nature. I hate mornings. No matter what time I go to bed, I do not want to see sunrise. Leave it to the chickens. They can crow all they want...i will saw logs, thank you very much. But, I must start adjusting as school schedule for kids require early mornings. In my mind, I long to be that picturesque housewife.....get up early, before the kids, drink some coffee, start some laundry, putter around, wake the children, make them breakfast, get them ready for school, send them off, come home, do housework, bake cookies, make dinner. But, I think I am missing that gene that allows one to do those things. I just don't get into it. I get up when I am woke up by one of the kids. I stumble out of bed *silently cursing the morning*, chill out for a few, waking up, go to kitchen, get them something to eat (praying they don't ask me to actually make anything....cereal anyone? banana? nooooo toast, please, i don't want to go through that many steps this early...). Sigh, get out the bread, put in toaster, get out butter, plate, toast pops up, butter it, yeah it's not so bad. Really, I'm not completely horrible. Some mornings I even make eggs or pancakes. I really don't toss em a bone and call it breakfast. although, make it a milk bone and Sebastian would be more than delighted. He loves him some dog/cat food.
In fact, have to share a funny store. he stayed at my uncle's last friday. Woke up saturday morning. TJ asked him if he wanted to eat. He said yes. she asked him if he wanted cereal, No. Banana? No. So, meanwhile, dogs were wanting to be fed, so she got their food. Went to put the dog food back in the laundry room and came back to find Sebastian, seated happily at the table with two handfuls of dog food before him, eating away. She said, you wanted dog food for breakfast? To which he proudly replied, "yep". Then he asked for a drink. One must have a drink to wash down the dog food, you know. So, she asked him if he wanted milk (she has no kids of her own...hence all the open ended choices). He said no to milk and points at her coffee cup, "want thees." "you want coffee?" "Yep". And so it was. She poured him coffee (a tad of coffee, a lot of water). He was a very happy boy and sat at the table with her chattering away about things of which she had no idea. But he was full of conversation as he enjoyed his breakfast of dog food and coffee. Strangely enough, my brother used to love to eat dog food too, when he was younger. We always joked that that's why he is so big/strong. All those milk bones and dog food. With Sebastian, I sometimes think it's a strong link to his animalistic nature. I often think he is convinced he *is* an animal. He loves to crawl around and act like a dog (and sissy encourages it: "say woof woof, doggy). He also likes to eat at the cat food dish just like the cat...on all fours, face in bowl. He has been seen doing the same with my brother's dogs...right alongside the dogs. Funny how they don't like to be bothered while eating, unless it's a blonde-haired little boy, down on all fours, eating alongside them. then, well, it's ok. I of course, stop him from doing that...bc he doesn't need to act any more like an animal than he already does. But, when I first see it, I sorta chuckle inside...as I am telling him not to do it. "Sebastian, you are not a dog/cat. You are a little boy and little boys don't eat like that." I don't think he is convinced.
My sister had put her application in at the local bank bc they had a position open. She hadn't heard anything back and was bummed that they didn't call her. She figured she must not have scored well enough on either the personality test or the application test (yeah, right). Well, today, she got a call from HR asking when she would be available for a phone interview. Right now would be fine. So, they proceeded with the phone interview. The lady really liked her and it sounds as if the job is hers. The HR lady has to call the local branch and set up a time for a face to face interview and will be getting back with her. OF course, my sister is known at the bank as my parents have banked there their entire married life and my sister has banked there. Most of them in there know her. The only issue is this will mean that her husband's family will have to pay someone to come in and care for their aunt that lives with Carrie and her husband. Aunt Helen can't be left alone. So, I told Carrie that would be a perfect opportunity for mom so she can get out of that damned restaurant. I will be so happy when mom can tell them to take that job and shove it. Sooo happy. Probably not as happy as she will be, but very happy, still. So, I really hope Carrie gets the job. I don't doubt that she will. She has excellent experience, she is a huge people person and has a personality that is just amazing. She's like a ray of light. Except when she's not...then she is pretty darn scary. LOL. Seriously though, she is a very likable person.
Well, I will end this novel here. I swear I could type here all dang night....
Monday, March 10, 2008
Some good news
Or at least some hope. I just got off the phone with the college. He told me to bring in the letter and any proof of last semester's grades and whatnot. Well, it just so happens that I was mailed a current transcript with the scholarship info, so I will take that. He said if i can come in today, the office isn't busy. I'm hoping my mom gets home from work soon, so that she can sit here with Sebastian and get Makenneh off the bus. I don't want to ask Sebastian to sit still too long at the Financial Aid office. That may be pressing my luck.
I hope that the whole denial was an oversight of the semester I just completed in the fall and that they will award me my loan.
I need to get to the post office to mail Helen her throat spray and I need to go pay my energy bill. I was already out once, because Makenneh missed the bus. Totally my fault. I had a brain fart, if you will. I was thinking the bus came closer to 11:50...when I know darned well it comes around 1140. OH well. I drove her to school. Then, I went to the grocery store that is near her school because I received a coupon for a gallon of milk, ten pounds of potatoes, 1/2 gallon of ice cream and 2 pounds of ground chuck - all for FREE. So, I wanted to use the coupon. That's a good deal. And all things we can certainly use. But, that was in the opposite direction of everything else I need to do. And now, that I am back home, I feel tired. I just want to go to sleep. I don't have much time to do anything right now because Makenneh will be off the bus in about an hour and a half. I don't want to push the clock and risk missing her getting off the bus.
The sun is shining bright and it has the feel of spring. I know not to get too used to it, bc it certainly could snow like madness any day. But, i would be happy if the weather continued to warm up from here on out. I am over winter.
I hope that the whole denial was an oversight of the semester I just completed in the fall and that they will award me my loan.
I need to get to the post office to mail Helen her throat spray and I need to go pay my energy bill. I was already out once, because Makenneh missed the bus. Totally my fault. I had a brain fart, if you will. I was thinking the bus came closer to 11:50...when I know darned well it comes around 1140. OH well. I drove her to school. Then, I went to the grocery store that is near her school because I received a coupon for a gallon of milk, ten pounds of potatoes, 1/2 gallon of ice cream and 2 pounds of ground chuck - all for FREE. So, I wanted to use the coupon. That's a good deal. And all things we can certainly use. But, that was in the opposite direction of everything else I need to do. And now, that I am back home, I feel tired. I just want to go to sleep. I don't have much time to do anything right now because Makenneh will be off the bus in about an hour and a half. I don't want to push the clock and risk missing her getting off the bus.
The sun is shining bright and it has the feel of spring. I know not to get too used to it, bc it certainly could snow like madness any day. But, i would be happy if the weather continued to warm up from here on out. I am over winter.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Heading for a Manic Monday
Today was a bear. Plain and simple. Had my wheaties pissed in before 1pm. I went to my parents' house to pick the kids up, just after Noon. I arrived to find the door locked. No big deal, i think, as I dig for my house key, insert and unlock the door. I figured one of the kids must've locked it or perhaps mom did it out of habit. I walk in and it's quiet. Not a soul to be seen. Hmmm, now that's not normal, my wild children should be running around, loudly. Hello??? The only answer I receive is the dog, coming out of my parents' bedroom, with a bark. Shut up, Sparky, it's just me. Hello???? Then, I hear mom say, Hello??? with a bit of a change in her voice....coming from the bedroom. Ughhh...how awkward. But, i had to know where my kids were....Where are the kids? Mom's reply, "Kenny's". I managed to stammer out a , "ummm, ok, yeah, im gonna go get the kids...." retreat out front door, locking it behind me. I called Jeremy and told him that I was just paid back for any bad thing I have ever done in my life. LOL. Funny how our minds work. I saw nothing, heard nothing...yet just knowing that they were both in the bedroom with the front door locked, well, c'mon...not rocket science. LOL. That's not what made the day bad....I can handle that. It's a part of life.
I got to my uncle's and his truck is gone. Hmmm...I see one of my cousins in the big window. (several cousins stayed the night there last night..). Before I could even get my key out of the ignition (which is sticks most times and has to be fought free), one cousin, Markie flew out the door and up to my car door. I couldn't imagine what was so pressing that she must run out and meet me at my car. Then, she proceeds to tell me that when I pulled up, her sister, Allana, said outloud, "Christina's here!" to which my uncle's gf huffed, "thank God!" I was instantly put in a bad mood. First off, I am not the one who took the kids down there, I had no idea they were there. Second off, there were 3 16yr old kids, who are more than capable of tending my two kids, plus a 13 yr old who is capable. I highly doubt it had to inconvenience her much. Then, when i got inside, see she is still in a robe, with hair askew, she has the audacity to say to me, "Well, good AFTERnoon" with emphasis on after. And she said it in a snarky voice. I was seething. My thoughts, which weren't pleasant ,were, "well, yes, you snotty little bitch, good afternoon, glad to see you could get dressed and meet the day!" Instead, bc I try to be nice, I just gave her a fraction of a smile, as I said hi to my cousins. Note that I had said my uncle's truck wasn't there...neither was he. Otherwise, there would have been a difference in her.
Anyway, Makenneh didn't want to leave, i was still all befuddled bc I had no idea why my kids were here rather than at my mom's, nor how long they had been there (I had talked to my mom about an hour prior and she had them, so i knew couldn't have been too long) and then, was met with all this attitude from the girlfriend. I wasn't in a good mood, suddenly. I looked at Markie and said, Can you help please? I just wanted out of there. So, she helped get SEbastian ready and something I had said (though i don't recall) clicked with Makenneh bc she was suddenly ready and willing to go. As Im getting them ready, my cousins ask if I need help packing adn I just kinda looked at them. The truth was, no i didn't. But, they seemed anxious to get out of there, so i was like, Ummm, i guess. not really, but sure. So, the 3 of them ended up coming home with me. I had lost all wind in my sails to continue packing or doing anything for this move. Because, on the ride home, which is very short...all of say, 3 miles., Stephanie tells me that my uncle said last night that hopefully when Jeremy and Christina move in, she will want to leave bc she doesn't like kids. WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. I thought we went through this already. I am more than certain if i backtrack in this blog of mine, we will find a post where I talked about this very thing. He had suggested that originally and I shot it down quick fast and in a hurry. I point blank told him that there was no way I would subject my kids and myself to that and there was no way I was going to be made out to look like the bad guy. I told him if he wanted us to stay there, she had to go first. Period. I was not living under the same roof as her. I am beginning to think that my uncle has a huge problem...one of which is habitual lying. Another which is not saying what he means and meaning what he says. He tells each person what he thinks they want to hear or some variation of it. So, shortly after I get home, my mom stops by. She takes me back to my bedroom bc she needs to talk to me and doesn't want to talk in front of all the kids here. She proceeds to tell me how when she there last night, with my kids, my cousin, that lives there, was going around singing a song about hanging N in a tree and what not. Yes, I want to puke. A very racist, disgusting, ignorant song. When mom told him not to say that in front of the kids (cousin is almost 17) he says, OH they don't know. WTF are you kidding me. She also told me that my uncle wasn't home when i stopped there because he was running to get a propane tank filled. Apparently, their tank (for the house, aka a "pig") ran out, leaving htem with no heat all night long. Now, it got quite cold last night. That's not mention, no hot water. He has always struggled to keep their pig filled. Always using electric heaters to supplement, not cooking on the stove bc it's gas, things like that to cut down on propane usage. So, when thinking about the big picture, i just can't move my family there. I would have to be buying the propane rather than paying him a portion, bc otherwise, my kids wouldn't have warm baths or warm beds to sleep in. I would have trouble keeping food around bc in the span of 3 hours, they had dinner, then the 17 yo turned around and made up some chicken, then a bit later, but still within that 3 hours, made ramen noodles, all the while, shoving bananas in his mouth btwn times. Basically eating nonstop for 3 hours. This was a concern of mine, bc even when he has stayed the night here, he can eat me out of house and home. I don't like to let him stay if i have just bought groceries, bc it's as if he truly can't help himself. Truly, I had all these thoughts in the back of my head, but i kept telling myself it would be ok. Bc we just need to get this over with. Well, my mom was very upset when she stopped by. She basically told me that she had talked with my dad and they both want us to stay with them...they don't want their grandkids in that environment on a daily, round the clock basis. And, I don't want my kids in it either. I tend to get caught up in the idea that I can make things work, bc hoping that I can is easier than admitting I can't. But, after talking to mom today, I realized that I had to take the blinders off and realize that there is no way I can move in there. Not to mention, my uncle obviously has no intentions of kicking gf out but rather waiting until we move in to "drive her out". Then, we get to look like the bad guys who broke up their relationship and ruined the happiness bc he doesn't have the balls to tell her he isn't happy. Instead, he continues to tell her he loves her and be all lovey dovey with her....until she is out of ear shot and then he is complaining about her and seething. And like my dad said to mom, yeah and then what, in 2 months when he is sick of them being there or some new skirt saunters in...is he going to complain about Christina an Jeremy to all the family and have everyone treating them bad? My dad said, that isn't going to happen bc I will come unglued. I found it a bit flattering that my father still has those paternal instincts to protect his "young". Not to mention, he is a rather laid back guy and doesn't get worked up about much (mom makes up for it, trust me)..so him coming unglued is enough to scare the red off the devil.
The truth is, I didn't want to stay with my parents bc well, they are my parents. And as Ive mentioned before, they go to bed early, up early, have certain ways of doing things and I don't fit that mold. My kids don't. Not that they shouldn't. It's a good mold to fit into and I often wish I could be half the mom my mom is. But, I haven't figured out the schedule thing...except bedtime...im gettin quite good at that one. Love those little wild things in bed around 9. Such joy! I am a night person, though. I want to be able to do what I want to do without it impinging on others (did i use that word right?). I can't go to sleep at 9. I can't. I also don't want to feel as though I am on constant monitor with my kids. I don't know how to explain it, but face it, we all expect our kids to behave better at other's homes. And then, dad and I have been known to bump heads at times...we only bump heads at times bc we tend to be a lot alike. Well, except that I don't always have to be right and I am a wimp. LOL. But, he asked my mom earlier today, "I just don't understand why they don't want to stay here." Mom told him that we were afraid of how hard it would be with the kids and all. To which he replied, "I know it will be hard, but I would much rather have them here. I will pull the travel trailer up and hook it up so they can have a little escape...place to their own." So, I talked to Jeremy and it was decided that we will stay with my parents. It's just a better place for the kids. Oh well if our lives are sorta stifled a bit, it's better for the kids and that's what is important. Not to mention, by the time all is said and done, I might have two very well behaved kids on my hands. My parents did a helluva good job on us 3....lol. And we will be warm, able to shower as needed, eat regular meals in a timely fashion, without an all day foodfest, have more room (mom has two spare rooms, although one is full of weight benches and the like) and most importantly, my kids won't be exposed to racist, hateful, intolerant ignorance. That I cannot stand. I will not raise intolerant children. My children will know that God made even every being that graces this Earth and even those who don't "grace" it. They will grow to know that we love others as we love ourselves, as we love God. We treat others how we wish to be treated and we respect each person as a human being. My home will care not if you are black, orange, purple, yellow, brown, or white. We will not care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist, Atheist or otherwise. We will not care if you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual or otherwise. Short, tall, fat (bc otherwise, i wouldn't fit in), thin. Rich or poor. We will just care that you are human. Kind is helpful. ;) I so can't wait to tell my uncle that my dear Makenneh said the other day that when she grows up, maybe she her kids will be black. When I asked her why, she said, just because, they will be. So pure and innocent. I told her that would be just fine. No different than had she said white. To kids, people are just different color because they are. It's really that simple for them. It should be that simple for everyone. And speaking of her growing up, she has finally decided she does in fact want to grow up. I had mentioned before that if i ever made reference to "when you grow up" she would all but melt down, insisting she wasn't going to grow up. She was going to be 4 forever. I decided to enlighten her...i said, that's wonderful that you are staying 4 forever. I won't need to have birthday parties for you then. And, well, I guess she wasn't ready to give up the birthday parties. Now all she talks about is, "when i grow up....." It's funny to watch kids and the stages they go through as they try to make sense of the world around them.
Gee, i have been long winded lately (well, not winded bc i am not saying a word...but sure am typin a bunch of them). But, that's bc I have a lot on my mind these days and getting them out on this blog helps me sort it all out, make sense of it and even understand it better.
I have this next week off from school. Of course, it will be filled with moving and doing homework, but it will be nice to not have to go to class. Whew!
Well, im off here for now. I think I am going to make my rounds on here and call it a night. Jeremy was just able to fall asleep a little bit ago. He can't sleep because his teeth are really hurting him tonight. He took some motrin then a little while later called me in to get him a hot pack. If he isn't able to get some sleep, not sure he is going to be able to make it in to work tomorrow. Of course, if i don't think about the money part, i secretly hope he stays home. Of course, i don't wish for him to be up all night in pain, though, either. but I love when he is home, except when I want to hit him over the head with a frying pan bc he is driving me nuts. LOL. Lucky for him, those are mostly packed. hahaha. I always tell him I wish we could live on love, bc we would be rich and he could always be home! (then, when he is off for any length of time, i remember why it's important for some space...so we don't want to kill each other.)
I got to my uncle's and his truck is gone. Hmmm...I see one of my cousins in the big window. (several cousins stayed the night there last night..). Before I could even get my key out of the ignition (which is sticks most times and has to be fought free), one cousin, Markie flew out the door and up to my car door. I couldn't imagine what was so pressing that she must run out and meet me at my car. Then, she proceeds to tell me that when I pulled up, her sister, Allana, said outloud, "Christina's here!" to which my uncle's gf huffed, "thank God!" I was instantly put in a bad mood. First off, I am not the one who took the kids down there, I had no idea they were there. Second off, there were 3 16yr old kids, who are more than capable of tending my two kids, plus a 13 yr old who is capable. I highly doubt it had to inconvenience her much. Then, when i got inside, see she is still in a robe, with hair askew, she has the audacity to say to me, "Well, good AFTERnoon" with emphasis on after. And she said it in a snarky voice. I was seething. My thoughts, which weren't pleasant ,were, "well, yes, you snotty little bitch, good afternoon, glad to see you could get dressed and meet the day!" Instead, bc I try to be nice, I just gave her a fraction of a smile, as I said hi to my cousins. Note that I had said my uncle's truck wasn't there...neither was he. Otherwise, there would have been a difference in her.
Anyway, Makenneh didn't want to leave, i was still all befuddled bc I had no idea why my kids were here rather than at my mom's, nor how long they had been there (I had talked to my mom about an hour prior and she had them, so i knew couldn't have been too long) and then, was met with all this attitude from the girlfriend. I wasn't in a good mood, suddenly. I looked at Markie and said, Can you help please? I just wanted out of there. So, she helped get SEbastian ready and something I had said (though i don't recall) clicked with Makenneh bc she was suddenly ready and willing to go. As Im getting them ready, my cousins ask if I need help packing adn I just kinda looked at them. The truth was, no i didn't. But, they seemed anxious to get out of there, so i was like, Ummm, i guess. not really, but sure. So, the 3 of them ended up coming home with me. I had lost all wind in my sails to continue packing or doing anything for this move. Because, on the ride home, which is very short...all of say, 3 miles., Stephanie tells me that my uncle said last night that hopefully when Jeremy and Christina move in, she will want to leave bc she doesn't like kids. WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. I thought we went through this already. I am more than certain if i backtrack in this blog of mine, we will find a post where I talked about this very thing. He had suggested that originally and I shot it down quick fast and in a hurry. I point blank told him that there was no way I would subject my kids and myself to that and there was no way I was going to be made out to look like the bad guy. I told him if he wanted us to stay there, she had to go first. Period. I was not living under the same roof as her. I am beginning to think that my uncle has a huge problem...one of which is habitual lying. Another which is not saying what he means and meaning what he says. He tells each person what he thinks they want to hear or some variation of it. So, shortly after I get home, my mom stops by. She takes me back to my bedroom bc she needs to talk to me and doesn't want to talk in front of all the kids here. She proceeds to tell me how when she there last night, with my kids, my cousin, that lives there, was going around singing a song about hanging N in a tree and what not. Yes, I want to puke. A very racist, disgusting, ignorant song. When mom told him not to say that in front of the kids (cousin is almost 17) he says, OH they don't know. WTF are you kidding me. She also told me that my uncle wasn't home when i stopped there because he was running to get a propane tank filled. Apparently, their tank (for the house, aka a "pig") ran out, leaving htem with no heat all night long. Now, it got quite cold last night. That's not mention, no hot water. He has always struggled to keep their pig filled. Always using electric heaters to supplement, not cooking on the stove bc it's gas, things like that to cut down on propane usage. So, when thinking about the big picture, i just can't move my family there. I would have to be buying the propane rather than paying him a portion, bc otherwise, my kids wouldn't have warm baths or warm beds to sleep in. I would have trouble keeping food around bc in the span of 3 hours, they had dinner, then the 17 yo turned around and made up some chicken, then a bit later, but still within that 3 hours, made ramen noodles, all the while, shoving bananas in his mouth btwn times. Basically eating nonstop for 3 hours. This was a concern of mine, bc even when he has stayed the night here, he can eat me out of house and home. I don't like to let him stay if i have just bought groceries, bc it's as if he truly can't help himself. Truly, I had all these thoughts in the back of my head, but i kept telling myself it would be ok. Bc we just need to get this over with. Well, my mom was very upset when she stopped by. She basically told me that she had talked with my dad and they both want us to stay with them...they don't want their grandkids in that environment on a daily, round the clock basis. And, I don't want my kids in it either. I tend to get caught up in the idea that I can make things work, bc hoping that I can is easier than admitting I can't. But, after talking to mom today, I realized that I had to take the blinders off and realize that there is no way I can move in there. Not to mention, my uncle obviously has no intentions of kicking gf out but rather waiting until we move in to "drive her out". Then, we get to look like the bad guys who broke up their relationship and ruined the happiness bc he doesn't have the balls to tell her he isn't happy. Instead, he continues to tell her he loves her and be all lovey dovey with her....until she is out of ear shot and then he is complaining about her and seething. And like my dad said to mom, yeah and then what, in 2 months when he is sick of them being there or some new skirt saunters in...is he going to complain about Christina an Jeremy to all the family and have everyone treating them bad? My dad said, that isn't going to happen bc I will come unglued. I found it a bit flattering that my father still has those paternal instincts to protect his "young". Not to mention, he is a rather laid back guy and doesn't get worked up about much (mom makes up for it, trust me)..so him coming unglued is enough to scare the red off the devil.
The truth is, I didn't want to stay with my parents bc well, they are my parents. And as Ive mentioned before, they go to bed early, up early, have certain ways of doing things and I don't fit that mold. My kids don't. Not that they shouldn't. It's a good mold to fit into and I often wish I could be half the mom my mom is. But, I haven't figured out the schedule thing...except bedtime...im gettin quite good at that one. Love those little wild things in bed around 9. Such joy! I am a night person, though. I want to be able to do what I want to do without it impinging on others (did i use that word right?). I can't go to sleep at 9. I can't. I also don't want to feel as though I am on constant monitor with my kids. I don't know how to explain it, but face it, we all expect our kids to behave better at other's homes. And then, dad and I have been known to bump heads at times...we only bump heads at times bc we tend to be a lot alike. Well, except that I don't always have to be right and I am a wimp. LOL. But, he asked my mom earlier today, "I just don't understand why they don't want to stay here." Mom told him that we were afraid of how hard it would be with the kids and all. To which he replied, "I know it will be hard, but I would much rather have them here. I will pull the travel trailer up and hook it up so they can have a little escape...place to their own." So, I talked to Jeremy and it was decided that we will stay with my parents. It's just a better place for the kids. Oh well if our lives are sorta stifled a bit, it's better for the kids and that's what is important. Not to mention, by the time all is said and done, I might have two very well behaved kids on my hands. My parents did a helluva good job on us 3....lol. And we will be warm, able to shower as needed, eat regular meals in a timely fashion, without an all day foodfest, have more room (mom has two spare rooms, although one is full of weight benches and the like) and most importantly, my kids won't be exposed to racist, hateful, intolerant ignorance. That I cannot stand. I will not raise intolerant children. My children will know that God made even every being that graces this Earth and even those who don't "grace" it. They will grow to know that we love others as we love ourselves, as we love God. We treat others how we wish to be treated and we respect each person as a human being. My home will care not if you are black, orange, purple, yellow, brown, or white. We will not care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist, Atheist or otherwise. We will not care if you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual or otherwise. Short, tall, fat (bc otherwise, i wouldn't fit in), thin. Rich or poor. We will just care that you are human. Kind is helpful. ;) I so can't wait to tell my uncle that my dear Makenneh said the other day that when she grows up, maybe she her kids will be black. When I asked her why, she said, just because, they will be. So pure and innocent. I told her that would be just fine. No different than had she said white. To kids, people are just different color because they are. It's really that simple for them. It should be that simple for everyone. And speaking of her growing up, she has finally decided she does in fact want to grow up. I had mentioned before that if i ever made reference to "when you grow up" she would all but melt down, insisting she wasn't going to grow up. She was going to be 4 forever. I decided to enlighten her...i said, that's wonderful that you are staying 4 forever. I won't need to have birthday parties for you then. And, well, I guess she wasn't ready to give up the birthday parties. Now all she talks about is, "when i grow up....." It's funny to watch kids and the stages they go through as they try to make sense of the world around them.
Gee, i have been long winded lately (well, not winded bc i am not saying a word...but sure am typin a bunch of them). But, that's bc I have a lot on my mind these days and getting them out on this blog helps me sort it all out, make sense of it and even understand it better.
I have this next week off from school. Of course, it will be filled with moving and doing homework, but it will be nice to not have to go to class. Whew!
Well, im off here for now. I think I am going to make my rounds on here and call it a night. Jeremy was just able to fall asleep a little bit ago. He can't sleep because his teeth are really hurting him tonight. He took some motrin then a little while later called me in to get him a hot pack. If he isn't able to get some sleep, not sure he is going to be able to make it in to work tomorrow. Of course, if i don't think about the money part, i secretly hope he stays home. Of course, i don't wish for him to be up all night in pain, though, either. but I love when he is home, except when I want to hit him over the head with a frying pan bc he is driving me nuts. LOL. Lucky for him, those are mostly packed. hahaha. I always tell him I wish we could live on love, bc we would be rich and he could always be home! (then, when he is off for any length of time, i remember why it's important for some space...so we don't want to kill each other.)
Friday, March 07, 2008
Yay!
I just checked midterm grads on my college site and so far only two teachers have entered grades. I am getting a 4.0 in Human Sexuality and a 4.0 in General Psychology. So proud of myself. Of course, the grade that I am leery of is my Ethics grade. I have no idea what I received on our first and only assignment. I'm sure it will be ok. But, i certainly doubt it will be a 4.0.
I was able to get he kids' room almost completely packed up. I just need to pack up the bedding, for the most part. Why we have so many darned blankets, I have no idea. Yet, I can't bring myself to get rid of any. Hopefully, wherever we end up after this transitional move, will have enough storage space that I can store them away without having to have them strewn all over. I also got some of the stuff in the laundry area packed up. So, i made some progress today, thought not nearly as much as I should have, especially considering I had no kids for half the day. But, Jeremy got home, we had to go cash his check, get a few groceries, come home, eat and then he wanted to watch a movie. I wasn't going to, bc we have so much to do. But, the truth is, here within a week, we will not ever have privacy/time for just the two of us to sit together and enjoy a movie. So, I did it. The movie was good (an older one, we had gotten from the 4/$20 bin at Blockbuster). I still managed to doze off towards the end. I was so tired and couldn't help it. I didn't wanna fall asleep, and it was only 830, but my eyelids felt like a ton of bricks. I woke up in time to watch the end of it. Anyway, the movie is Slow Burn. It has LL Cool J in it (which i didn't even notice until Jeremy pointed it out as he was putting it in to watch). I love LL...he is definitely some eye candy. Not much can beat those dimples of his! And let's face it. He is 40 something and has the body of a 20something. Not that that is a huge feat for a celebrity!
Makenneh brought home her very first School Fundraiser. It has a little bit of everything, from cookie dough, magazine subscriptions (I hated when our school did the strictly mag. subs bc it's hard to get people to order magazines. Most ppl already subscribe to the mags of their choice), cooking stuff, candy, outdoor decor, flowers, bird feeders, and then the regular ol' fundraiser junk...the chore charts, the magnetic pic frames, you get the idea. Things nobody really needs, but feels obligated to buy when a cute little girl with blue eyes is asking. LOL. She brought it home on Thursday and it ends/money due on the 17th. Not a lot of time (although, it guess, its about 12 days or so.
Well, as I have sorta feared, my uncle is beating around the bush with getting his "gf" moved out. He had called me last week to tell me that he told her it wasn't going to work and that he has to get his life straightened out, get into counseling, etc and that she would need to move back to her place. Well, she of course had a remedy for every problem he presented and has since started cooking and cleaning and trying to be the perfect little housewife/step-mom. All that is doing is grating on his nerves. But, he must realize that he can't beat around the bush. He needs to come out and say that it is over, not gonna work, done. I was over there today and OMG she is overdoing it with the nicey nice. It just seems so fake and forced and ahhhh, I wanted out of there. Drove me nuts. Anyway, my mom said tonight that when my uncle talked to her, he said that the gf isn't getting the hint. Well, shit, there we go, again. NO SHE ISN"T GOING TO TAKE A HINT. She thinks she loves him, she has it made (roof over her head, food to eat, etc and it's all free of charge to her, she pays for nothing but her own car insurance and cell phone bill). Moving back here means paying rent, consumers, water, groceries. And if he hasn't been straight with her about everything, of course, she is going to have shreds of hope. As long as he continues to play along with her rather than telling her how he really feels, which seems to be that he can't stand her. He literally leaves his house all the time just to get away from her. I am going to call him tomorrow and find out what he intends to do and let him know that he can't beat around the bush. I will highly upset if i have done all this packing, paying for a storage unit, moving stuff for him to not go ahead as planned. This was all his choice, his idea. It has put a huge strain on us and I won't be the least bit happy if he can't hold up his end of the deal. He was calling every day to find out if we were packed yet, ready to do this move and now that it's coming down to it, he is dragging his feet. I understand breaking up sucks. Not many people enjoy doing it. But if he is that unhappy and has set forth a plan of action to get her out of his house and back here, then he needs to follow through. I'll be so happy when it is all said and done. Actually, I'll be even more so happy when we have our own place. It can't come soon enough, but is looking as though it will have to wait until may when we get our rebate check from the economy stimulus package. Which brings me to the next thing.
I got a letter in the mail yesterday that the college denied my application for the stafford laon due to excessive withdrawals, GPA of less than 2.0, etc. (all the crap I did the first time around in college, over 7 yrs ago). In the letter, it said that after I complete one semester of 6 credits or more with a 2.0 or higher, they will reevaluate. I was flamed. Bc when I had applied for this loan last semester, I was told that due to my previous enrollment, I was denied, but finish a semester of 6 or more credits with a 2.0 or higher. I did that. Last semester, I was enrolled 14 credits, received all 4.0s which brought my gpa up to a 3.02. I worked my ass off, as I continue to do, settling for no less than the very best grade. The thought of a 3.5 or 3.0 upsets me. I work hard to get that 4.0. And yet, they are still denying me. I am calling the school on monday to talk to them. I mean, that crappy stuff was from a very long time ago and I have since then completely a full time semester with substantial grades. Surely that must count for something. I also received a paper from the college listing all the scholarships I could apply for. Out of the list, I qualify for ONE. Yep, one. Niiiiice. I will try for it, but I am not holding my breath. It seems as though I am going to have to fight tooth and nail to get this degree. Nothing is going to fall into place much like I was hoping. Not that it ever does. LOL. But, a few less roadblocks would be very nice, thank you very much. I think it would be nice that when they pull up transcripts and such to review applications, that if they stumble across someone who messed up at one point and has returned, after a lengthy time, that they would maybe mail out a form for the applicant to explain (perhaps in essay form) why they feel they are deserving of a loan now. I certainly could have written something. Instead, they just deny it and force us to appeal it, to beg and plead. And so I will.
I am off for spring break this upcoming week. I am looking forward to the break. I have two projects to finish during break and I will be able to do it without added homework throughout the week.
I got most of the stuff for the Easter baskets. Candy is taken care of and a few small things. I just have to decide what else I want to put in there. But, at least it's started. Of course, what I have done is the easy part. Who has trouble walking down the Easter candy aisle and picking out some candy? The problem is stopping yourself before you have a cart full of candy. I resisted, really I did.
Well, I was going to do some more packing tonight, but i am tired and think I will just head to bed, start fresh tomorrow. Besides, most of what is left is our bedroom (which jeremy is sleeping in at the moment) and then the rest of the kitchen stuff (stuff I left out to use until we move....few plates, bowls, cups, etc). Of course, I have food I need to get boxed up too. Most of the canned goods and such could be boxed up. Then there is all this "Junk" piled here and there. Papers, odds and ends. bleh. I am afraid of packing/burying things I may end up needing and sending it to storage where it will be further buried and find out I need it btwn now and may or whenever we get to get our own place. But, tomorrow's another day (said from a big procrastinator).
I was able to get he kids' room almost completely packed up. I just need to pack up the bedding, for the most part. Why we have so many darned blankets, I have no idea. Yet, I can't bring myself to get rid of any. Hopefully, wherever we end up after this transitional move, will have enough storage space that I can store them away without having to have them strewn all over. I also got some of the stuff in the laundry area packed up. So, i made some progress today, thought not nearly as much as I should have, especially considering I had no kids for half the day. But, Jeremy got home, we had to go cash his check, get a few groceries, come home, eat and then he wanted to watch a movie. I wasn't going to, bc we have so much to do. But, the truth is, here within a week, we will not ever have privacy/time for just the two of us to sit together and enjoy a movie. So, I did it. The movie was good (an older one, we had gotten from the 4/$20 bin at Blockbuster). I still managed to doze off towards the end. I was so tired and couldn't help it. I didn't wanna fall asleep, and it was only 830, but my eyelids felt like a ton of bricks. I woke up in time to watch the end of it. Anyway, the movie is Slow Burn. It has LL Cool J in it (which i didn't even notice until Jeremy pointed it out as he was putting it in to watch). I love LL...he is definitely some eye candy. Not much can beat those dimples of his! And let's face it. He is 40 something and has the body of a 20something. Not that that is a huge feat for a celebrity!
Makenneh brought home her very first School Fundraiser. It has a little bit of everything, from cookie dough, magazine subscriptions (I hated when our school did the strictly mag. subs bc it's hard to get people to order magazines. Most ppl already subscribe to the mags of their choice), cooking stuff, candy, outdoor decor, flowers, bird feeders, and then the regular ol' fundraiser junk...the chore charts, the magnetic pic frames, you get the idea. Things nobody really needs, but feels obligated to buy when a cute little girl with blue eyes is asking. LOL. She brought it home on Thursday and it ends/money due on the 17th. Not a lot of time (although, it guess, its about 12 days or so.
Well, as I have sorta feared, my uncle is beating around the bush with getting his "gf" moved out. He had called me last week to tell me that he told her it wasn't going to work and that he has to get his life straightened out, get into counseling, etc and that she would need to move back to her place. Well, she of course had a remedy for every problem he presented and has since started cooking and cleaning and trying to be the perfect little housewife/step-mom. All that is doing is grating on his nerves. But, he must realize that he can't beat around the bush. He needs to come out and say that it is over, not gonna work, done. I was over there today and OMG she is overdoing it with the nicey nice. It just seems so fake and forced and ahhhh, I wanted out of there. Drove me nuts. Anyway, my mom said tonight that when my uncle talked to her, he said that the gf isn't getting the hint. Well, shit, there we go, again. NO SHE ISN"T GOING TO TAKE A HINT. She thinks she loves him, she has it made (roof over her head, food to eat, etc and it's all free of charge to her, she pays for nothing but her own car insurance and cell phone bill). Moving back here means paying rent, consumers, water, groceries. And if he hasn't been straight with her about everything, of course, she is going to have shreds of hope. As long as he continues to play along with her rather than telling her how he really feels, which seems to be that he can't stand her. He literally leaves his house all the time just to get away from her. I am going to call him tomorrow and find out what he intends to do and let him know that he can't beat around the bush. I will highly upset if i have done all this packing, paying for a storage unit, moving stuff for him to not go ahead as planned. This was all his choice, his idea. It has put a huge strain on us and I won't be the least bit happy if he can't hold up his end of the deal. He was calling every day to find out if we were packed yet, ready to do this move and now that it's coming down to it, he is dragging his feet. I understand breaking up sucks. Not many people enjoy doing it. But if he is that unhappy and has set forth a plan of action to get her out of his house and back here, then he needs to follow through. I'll be so happy when it is all said and done. Actually, I'll be even more so happy when we have our own place. It can't come soon enough, but is looking as though it will have to wait until may when we get our rebate check from the economy stimulus package. Which brings me to the next thing.
I got a letter in the mail yesterday that the college denied my application for the stafford laon due to excessive withdrawals, GPA of less than 2.0, etc. (all the crap I did the first time around in college, over 7 yrs ago). In the letter, it said that after I complete one semester of 6 credits or more with a 2.0 or higher, they will reevaluate. I was flamed. Bc when I had applied for this loan last semester, I was told that due to my previous enrollment, I was denied, but finish a semester of 6 or more credits with a 2.0 or higher. I did that. Last semester, I was enrolled 14 credits, received all 4.0s which brought my gpa up to a 3.02. I worked my ass off, as I continue to do, settling for no less than the very best grade. The thought of a 3.5 or 3.0 upsets me. I work hard to get that 4.0. And yet, they are still denying me. I am calling the school on monday to talk to them. I mean, that crappy stuff was from a very long time ago and I have since then completely a full time semester with substantial grades. Surely that must count for something. I also received a paper from the college listing all the scholarships I could apply for. Out of the list, I qualify for ONE. Yep, one. Niiiiice. I will try for it, but I am not holding my breath. It seems as though I am going to have to fight tooth and nail to get this degree. Nothing is going to fall into place much like I was hoping. Not that it ever does. LOL. But, a few less roadblocks would be very nice, thank you very much. I think it would be nice that when they pull up transcripts and such to review applications, that if they stumble across someone who messed up at one point and has returned, after a lengthy time, that they would maybe mail out a form for the applicant to explain (perhaps in essay form) why they feel they are deserving of a loan now. I certainly could have written something. Instead, they just deny it and force us to appeal it, to beg and plead. And so I will.
I am off for spring break this upcoming week. I am looking forward to the break. I have two projects to finish during break and I will be able to do it without added homework throughout the week.
I got most of the stuff for the Easter baskets. Candy is taken care of and a few small things. I just have to decide what else I want to put in there. But, at least it's started. Of course, what I have done is the easy part. Who has trouble walking down the Easter candy aisle and picking out some candy? The problem is stopping yourself before you have a cart full of candy. I resisted, really I did.
Well, I was going to do some more packing tonight, but i am tired and think I will just head to bed, start fresh tomorrow. Besides, most of what is left is our bedroom (which jeremy is sleeping in at the moment) and then the rest of the kitchen stuff (stuff I left out to use until we move....few plates, bowls, cups, etc). Of course, I have food I need to get boxed up too. Most of the canned goods and such could be boxed up. Then there is all this "Junk" piled here and there. Papers, odds and ends. bleh. I am afraid of packing/burying things I may end up needing and sending it to storage where it will be further buried and find out I need it btwn now and may or whenever we get to get our own place. But, tomorrow's another day (said from a big procrastinator).
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Before I go to bed
I meant to post about this last night, but I got caught up on the message board and was too tired to post. I often come here to vent the frustrations of motherhood. But, yesterday was a day with which I was sooo proud, my heart still overflows with pride. And I have to share.
I had to pick Makenneh up early from school for her doctor's appt. She had to have her physical. I had told her before putting her on the bus that I would be there to pick her up. Well, she was not happy to see me, when i got to her class. She started her whining, temper, etc. I knew I was in for a long ride. She sat herself down in one of the chairs and crossed her arms, insisting she didn't want to go. She wanted to stay with her friends. And the waterworks came forth. She was so mad. I remained calm, but was getting more frustrated by the minute. Here we are, in her classroom, complete with teacher, teacher's aid and the parent volunteer and Makenneh is going to engage me in a battle of wills. I could hear Helen's voice in the back of my head, saying not to worry about those around me, to handle the situation as I saw fit (this from her answer on her blog about how she managed to raise such wonderful children). I stayed firm, I grabbed her up and practically dragged her out of the classroom. Now, i didn't fully follow Helen's words, bc what I really wanted to do was spank her. But, I don't think that is appropriate in such a setting..it would lead to embarrassment and I also feel that spanking should be done in a more private spot (even if it means the restroom). I got her coat on her and took her by her arm and led her out of the school. She was crying, throwing a fit, but she was cooperating. I think she knew I meant business. I got her in the car and buckled in and she told me she hated me. (How is all of this good, right? where's the pride?). I told her that it isn't nice to say that to people because it hurts their feelings. I told her she hurt my feelings. I told her she didn't have to like me right now, she shouldn't say she hates me. But, she insisted that it was horrible of me to take her out of her class, away from her friends and "i will miss gym time, mom". I explained to her that if she didn't go to the doctor today that she wouldn't be able to come back to school ever. In as simple as terms as I could, i told her that every kid has to be checked out by the doctor to make sure they are healthy and growing right. We spent the entire trip talking about all of it. I was dreading taking her into the doctor in this mood because there is usually a significant wait at the doctor's office. It was going to be a very long afternoon. We were almost there, and she had calmed down some. I told her that she needed to be very good at the doctor and that if she could be on her best behavior, she would get a reward. I know, bribery. But it worked. This child of mine was the sweetest, most polite, well-behaved child I could have imagined. It was almost as if it were a dream. She went into the waiting room, took her coat off and asked me to hang it on the coat rack, using all her manors. She sat down with me and asked to draw a picture bc she saw the pics other kids had colored that were hanging in the office. I told her we had to wait for the receptionist to return. "Ok, mommy." WHAT? that's what I thought in my head. This is the same child who I expected to melt down, given her earlier behavior. When Amber returned to the desk, she asked Makenneh if she would like to color. Makenneh picked a page out of the coloring book, Amber made a copy and gave her a clipboard and box of crayons. Makenneh sat next to me, while I did homework, and she colored several pages. When she would finish a page, she would close the crayon box and take it all up to the counter. Amber would ask if she wanted to color another one and so it went. When her name was called, we went to the scale to get weighed and measured and to the room. She let the nurse take her vitals, do all the necessary stuff and Makenneh sat quietly. She started to ask about the letters on the paper that covered the bed and we practiced letters. My dear 4 yr old was learning the letters in Cialis (ya know, the drug for erectile dysfunction....lol). Luckily, for her, they were just mere letters. And she didn't ask what they said or anything. She did ask why they were there though. I told her for advertising. We had to wait a bit for the doc to come in and she looked through magazines, drew on some notebook paper I gave her....just waiting patiently. THe doc came in and she was shy and gave him the sort of scowl that are trademark for my kids. Such lovely children that they are. LOL. he got out his tools and of course, had to use the tongue depressor. She opened wide and let him look, no fuss. He was amazed at how well she did. He checked her out and she did was asked of her. Then, came the news, that she needed a few shots. Doc and I kept it on the down-low at the moment. LOL. So, my poor child was oblivious to what her near future held. After the doctor left, I explained to her that she might need a couple shots. She screwed her face up. "but i don't want shots, mommy." I assured her that nobody likes them, but we have to have them to stay healthy. I got the magazine out again and we talked about pictures and what not to keep her mind off it. Then, I asked the nurse, who was right outside our door, where the shots would go. She said the legs, so I asked M to pull her pants down so Tina could see her legs. She was hesitant but cooperated. I told her that Tina was gonna see her legs and as i said that, i touched her knees. She said, mom, i just have bone here. LOL. She realizes, even at 4 that it would hurt to have shots in her knees. I told her that the shots would go right about *here* and touched her upper thighs, where there is plenty of meat. Got a giggle out of her. Then, Tina came in, armed with 3 needles! Makenneh tensed a bit and started to get a bit upset. I asked if she wanted to lay down or sit up and she said she wanted to sit up (i so wouldn't have chosen that...). So, Tina had her sit on her hands and I got right up to her, as close as i could, my arm around her, hugging her. I told her it would be best if she didn't watch. She watched for the most part. Sillly girl. She cried for a brief second after the first and then the second. The 3rd went in her other leg and that was a bit more painful...she let out a cry and Tina said that's the stinger, that's why i do it last. It was over, i held her tight until she was better. She cried very little. Such a brave little girl. We got her dressed again and she got to pick out a sucker (had to have one for buddy, too). She was sooo darn good about the whole thing. When we got home, I gave her her reward, as promised. Just a cheap little trinket toy from walmart (a little castle made of plaster or something that came with a plastic carver and a brush to dig for the buried artifact, hidden deep inside the castle. lol). She loved it and her and buddy played with it and daddy helped a lot. FInally, it was mom who was able to break the horse from deep within the castle. A lot of entertainment for .88.
She was so well behaved all evening, as well. I sang her praises so much. I constantly praised her throughout the whole afternoon and evening. I bragged about her great behavior to everyone....daddy, gma, everyone i talked to. And I was sure she heard it. We left the bad episode at school in the past, it was done and over with and just focused on the excellent behavior thereafter.
Today was an ok day with her. She had a few moments, but it was decent. The chart seems to help, as well. She doesn't want to miss getting a star.
Both kids have been pretty good at bedtime, as well. Sebastian has been in bed by 9pm all week (or longer) and Makenneh usually by 10. A few nights, she has been out at 9 as well. And either way, bedtime has become much more relaxed. We read some books, cuddle up and things run a lot smoother than before. And it's nice to have that extra quiet time. So nice.
Sorry the pictures were so small, that i posted the other day. I saved them from my sister's myspace page and that's the size they saved at. Sometime, when I have free time (hah), i will try to figure out how to resize them or something. For now, my plate is full with school, studying, homework, working with Makenneh, chasing Sebastian out of the next mess, spending time together on the couch or whatever. Little to no spare time. I have to get packing, too. Ugh. The good news is, tomorrow night is my last class for a week or so, bc it's spring break. Hopefully i can catch up on a lot of things, but we will be moving and resettling and so i don't suppose ill have too much time.
WEll, i am tired, so im off to bed, not even gonna run spell check.
I had to pick Makenneh up early from school for her doctor's appt. She had to have her physical. I had told her before putting her on the bus that I would be there to pick her up. Well, she was not happy to see me, when i got to her class. She started her whining, temper, etc. I knew I was in for a long ride. She sat herself down in one of the chairs and crossed her arms, insisting she didn't want to go. She wanted to stay with her friends. And the waterworks came forth. She was so mad. I remained calm, but was getting more frustrated by the minute. Here we are, in her classroom, complete with teacher, teacher's aid and the parent volunteer and Makenneh is going to engage me in a battle of wills. I could hear Helen's voice in the back of my head, saying not to worry about those around me, to handle the situation as I saw fit (this from her answer on her blog about how she managed to raise such wonderful children). I stayed firm, I grabbed her up and practically dragged her out of the classroom. Now, i didn't fully follow Helen's words, bc what I really wanted to do was spank her. But, I don't think that is appropriate in such a setting..it would lead to embarrassment and I also feel that spanking should be done in a more private spot (even if it means the restroom). I got her coat on her and took her by her arm and led her out of the school. She was crying, throwing a fit, but she was cooperating. I think she knew I meant business. I got her in the car and buckled in and she told me she hated me. (How is all of this good, right? where's the pride?). I told her that it isn't nice to say that to people because it hurts their feelings. I told her she hurt my feelings. I told her she didn't have to like me right now, she shouldn't say she hates me. But, she insisted that it was horrible of me to take her out of her class, away from her friends and "i will miss gym time, mom". I explained to her that if she didn't go to the doctor today that she wouldn't be able to come back to school ever. In as simple as terms as I could, i told her that every kid has to be checked out by the doctor to make sure they are healthy and growing right. We spent the entire trip talking about all of it. I was dreading taking her into the doctor in this mood because there is usually a significant wait at the doctor's office. It was going to be a very long afternoon. We were almost there, and she had calmed down some. I told her that she needed to be very good at the doctor and that if she could be on her best behavior, she would get a reward. I know, bribery. But it worked. This child of mine was the sweetest, most polite, well-behaved child I could have imagined. It was almost as if it were a dream. She went into the waiting room, took her coat off and asked me to hang it on the coat rack, using all her manors. She sat down with me and asked to draw a picture bc she saw the pics other kids had colored that were hanging in the office. I told her we had to wait for the receptionist to return. "Ok, mommy." WHAT? that's what I thought in my head. This is the same child who I expected to melt down, given her earlier behavior. When Amber returned to the desk, she asked Makenneh if she would like to color. Makenneh picked a page out of the coloring book, Amber made a copy and gave her a clipboard and box of crayons. Makenneh sat next to me, while I did homework, and she colored several pages. When she would finish a page, she would close the crayon box and take it all up to the counter. Amber would ask if she wanted to color another one and so it went. When her name was called, we went to the scale to get weighed and measured and to the room. She let the nurse take her vitals, do all the necessary stuff and Makenneh sat quietly. She started to ask about the letters on the paper that covered the bed and we practiced letters. My dear 4 yr old was learning the letters in Cialis (ya know, the drug for erectile dysfunction....lol). Luckily, for her, they were just mere letters. And she didn't ask what they said or anything. She did ask why they were there though. I told her for advertising. We had to wait a bit for the doc to come in and she looked through magazines, drew on some notebook paper I gave her....just waiting patiently. THe doc came in and she was shy and gave him the sort of scowl that are trademark for my kids. Such lovely children that they are. LOL. he got out his tools and of course, had to use the tongue depressor. She opened wide and let him look, no fuss. He was amazed at how well she did. He checked her out and she did was asked of her. Then, came the news, that she needed a few shots. Doc and I kept it on the down-low at the moment. LOL. So, my poor child was oblivious to what her near future held. After the doctor left, I explained to her that she might need a couple shots. She screwed her face up. "but i don't want shots, mommy." I assured her that nobody likes them, but we have to have them to stay healthy. I got the magazine out again and we talked about pictures and what not to keep her mind off it. Then, I asked the nurse, who was right outside our door, where the shots would go. She said the legs, so I asked M to pull her pants down so Tina could see her legs. She was hesitant but cooperated. I told her that Tina was gonna see her legs and as i said that, i touched her knees. She said, mom, i just have bone here. LOL. She realizes, even at 4 that it would hurt to have shots in her knees. I told her that the shots would go right about *here* and touched her upper thighs, where there is plenty of meat. Got a giggle out of her. Then, Tina came in, armed with 3 needles! Makenneh tensed a bit and started to get a bit upset. I asked if she wanted to lay down or sit up and she said she wanted to sit up (i so wouldn't have chosen that...). So, Tina had her sit on her hands and I got right up to her, as close as i could, my arm around her, hugging her. I told her it would be best if she didn't watch. She watched for the most part. Sillly girl. She cried for a brief second after the first and then the second. The 3rd went in her other leg and that was a bit more painful...she let out a cry and Tina said that's the stinger, that's why i do it last. It was over, i held her tight until she was better. She cried very little. Such a brave little girl. We got her dressed again and she got to pick out a sucker (had to have one for buddy, too). She was sooo darn good about the whole thing. When we got home, I gave her her reward, as promised. Just a cheap little trinket toy from walmart (a little castle made of plaster or something that came with a plastic carver and a brush to dig for the buried artifact, hidden deep inside the castle. lol). She loved it and her and buddy played with it and daddy helped a lot. FInally, it was mom who was able to break the horse from deep within the castle. A lot of entertainment for .88.
She was so well behaved all evening, as well. I sang her praises so much. I constantly praised her throughout the whole afternoon and evening. I bragged about her great behavior to everyone....daddy, gma, everyone i talked to. And I was sure she heard it. We left the bad episode at school in the past, it was done and over with and just focused on the excellent behavior thereafter.
Today was an ok day with her. She had a few moments, but it was decent. The chart seems to help, as well. She doesn't want to miss getting a star.
Both kids have been pretty good at bedtime, as well. Sebastian has been in bed by 9pm all week (or longer) and Makenneh usually by 10. A few nights, she has been out at 9 as well. And either way, bedtime has become much more relaxed. We read some books, cuddle up and things run a lot smoother than before. And it's nice to have that extra quiet time. So nice.
Sorry the pictures were so small, that i posted the other day. I saved them from my sister's myspace page and that's the size they saved at. Sometime, when I have free time (hah), i will try to figure out how to resize them or something. For now, my plate is full with school, studying, homework, working with Makenneh, chasing Sebastian out of the next mess, spending time together on the couch or whatever. Little to no spare time. I have to get packing, too. Ugh. The good news is, tomorrow night is my last class for a week or so, bc it's spring break. Hopefully i can catch up on a lot of things, but we will be moving and resettling and so i don't suppose ill have too much time.
WEll, i am tired, so im off to bed, not even gonna run spell check.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Oh and you won't believe this!!!!!!
Here's some pictures from Makenneh's field trip on Thursday. We went to the Children's Museum. This is from the mock grocery store. We were waiting in line to check out our groceries. And you can bet that as we got up there, I started pestering for things I wanted....can i have some candy, please, come on, please, just one, hey whats this, i want this, too, but why not, can we go now....lol.
Makenneh in the tunnel in the tot area. She was playing with a couple of her friends.
This picture is me, Makenneh the fire chief, and grandma.
This one is one with Aunt Carrie in the picture:
This is the picture of us dressing up. Of course, the costumes are designed for little kids, so gma and I improvised. I had the big bad wolf on and gma had some knight headpiece on and a cape.
Here's a pic of sis and I holding the cake she had made for our brother last Sunday. We decided that seems how he didn't show, we would celebrate without him. We gathered round, lit the candles, sang happy bday and ate cake and ice cream. And took pictures for proof...lol.
This is my brother cutting his cake on his bday when we all went out to the restaurant. The waitress brought a huge ol' knife for him to use.
And here's part of the gang that went to dinner for Matt's bday.
From the left (going back and around) is my brother's friend and our long-time neighbor, Brandon aka Smudgie, then my sister Carrie and her hubby Ralph, then me, at the head of the table is dad, then mom and then my brother.
Here's my nephew Kaden and Makenneh. He is fascinated with hair and loves little kids, so Makenneh was just perfect for him! Makenneh was at his side all evening.
So, there ya have it. Some pictures! I know it's been a long time, but with the wireless, I can catch times when the speed is fast enough to upload pics.
Makenneh in the tunnel in the tot area. She was playing with a couple of her friends.
This picture is me, Makenneh the fire chief, and grandma.
This one is one with Aunt Carrie in the picture:
This is the picture of us dressing up. Of course, the costumes are designed for little kids, so gma and I improvised. I had the big bad wolf on and gma had some knight headpiece on and a cape. 
Here's a pic of sis and I holding the cake she had made for our brother last Sunday. We decided that seems how he didn't show, we would celebrate without him. We gathered round, lit the candles, sang happy bday and ate cake and ice cream. And took pictures for proof...lol.
This is my brother cutting his cake on his bday when we all went out to the restaurant. The waitress brought a huge ol' knife for him to use.
And here's part of the gang that went to dinner for Matt's bday.
From the left (going back and around) is my brother's friend and our long-time neighbor, Brandon aka Smudgie, then my sister Carrie and her hubby Ralph, then me, at the head of the table is dad, then mom and then my brother. Here's my nephew Kaden and Makenneh. He is fascinated with hair and loves little kids, so Makenneh was just perfect for him! Makenneh was at his side all evening.
So, there ya have it. Some pictures! I know it's been a long time, but with the wireless, I can catch times when the speed is fast enough to upload pics.
surviving
Well, I survived the weekend. We had a great time going out to dinner Saturday evening with my father in law, his gf, my brother in law and the two of us. We ended up childless because both kids wanted to stay at the bday party for my cousin, so my mom agreed to keep them. Last night I made a plan for homework for the week. I figured by doing that, I could space things out and not feel so overwhelmed. It sure has helped and I have actually gotten quite a bit done. Today, I was able to accomplish a large part of my Scientific Methods research project for Psych. I am feeling much more relief in that regard.
In addition, Jeremy rented the storage unit yesterday so we can start moving stuff over there. And, yes, there is more, my uncle called tonight to tell me that he talked with his fiancee and told her it wasn't working and that she would need to move out. Phew! I was getting so nervous that he wouldn't have the cajones to do it and we would be stuck staying there with her there. That wasn't part of the agreement at all and there is no way I could live there with her. Period. So, everything is falling into place in that category. Another heap off my shoulders. I also had time today to actually clean. I did dishes, folded several loads of clothes, kept laundry going and got things picked up and even a few more boxes packed. I am certainly feeling better today than I have in a few days, mentally. And, I haven't even left the house today. That's unusual for me to have a day that I stay in all day and go nowhere. I thought I was going to have to venture out to do some homework because the kids were being buggers. But, they got better and I was able to get some of it done.
Now, im working on a grocery list and going to surf the net for a bit before heading to bed. I hope today is an indicator of a great week ahead!
Late Friday night, after all were asleep, I headed to walmart (thank goodness for 24 hour walmart) and bought some foam letters and numbers for Makenneh to practice with. We worked on learning all weekend long. I have started to ask her to identify letters everywhere. She wants me to read a book, I ask her to identify the letters in the title. Of course, any that she doesn't know, I tell her and have her repeat after me. I figure, the more I can cram letters down her, the better it will be. If only I would have done this so long ago. So, you can imagine that Sebastian has started getting the same thing. There is so much that she needs to work on (every kid, really) that it feels a bit overwhelming if I think about the big picture....so I just don't. I focus on the task at hand. When an opportunity arises to count, we count. When one arises to identify letters, we do that. Everything is a learning opportunity. An actual one. I always figured that everything is an opportunity to learn, but I also thought that she would just pick up on a lot of it as well. I certainly don't recall my mom drilling me or ingraining this stuff in my head...i just picked it up. OF course, back then, Kindergarten taught most of this stuff it seems, whereas now they want the kids to know it going in. Kindergarten seems to have become the new First Grade.
Well, I have other things to do before heading to bed...have a great week!
In addition, Jeremy rented the storage unit yesterday so we can start moving stuff over there. And, yes, there is more, my uncle called tonight to tell me that he talked with his fiancee and told her it wasn't working and that she would need to move out. Phew! I was getting so nervous that he wouldn't have the cajones to do it and we would be stuck staying there with her there. That wasn't part of the agreement at all and there is no way I could live there with her. Period. So, everything is falling into place in that category. Another heap off my shoulders. I also had time today to actually clean. I did dishes, folded several loads of clothes, kept laundry going and got things picked up and even a few more boxes packed. I am certainly feeling better today than I have in a few days, mentally. And, I haven't even left the house today. That's unusual for me to have a day that I stay in all day and go nowhere. I thought I was going to have to venture out to do some homework because the kids were being buggers. But, they got better and I was able to get some of it done.
Now, im working on a grocery list and going to surf the net for a bit before heading to bed. I hope today is an indicator of a great week ahead!
Late Friday night, after all were asleep, I headed to walmart (thank goodness for 24 hour walmart) and bought some foam letters and numbers for Makenneh to practice with. We worked on learning all weekend long. I have started to ask her to identify letters everywhere. She wants me to read a book, I ask her to identify the letters in the title. Of course, any that she doesn't know, I tell her and have her repeat after me. I figure, the more I can cram letters down her, the better it will be. If only I would have done this so long ago. So, you can imagine that Sebastian has started getting the same thing. There is so much that she needs to work on (every kid, really) that it feels a bit overwhelming if I think about the big picture....so I just don't. I focus on the task at hand. When an opportunity arises to count, we count. When one arises to identify letters, we do that. Everything is a learning opportunity. An actual one. I always figured that everything is an opportunity to learn, but I also thought that she would just pick up on a lot of it as well. I certainly don't recall my mom drilling me or ingraining this stuff in my head...i just picked it up. OF course, back then, Kindergarten taught most of this stuff it seems, whereas now they want the kids to know it going in. Kindergarten seems to have become the new First Grade.
Well, I have other things to do before heading to bed...have a great week!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Take me away
I am truly feeling the weight of the world today. I have been bogged down with so much homework, the housework has been neglected and needless to say, that is now boring down on me as well. On top of that, I have the pressure of my uncle wanting to get this move under way. Where ever am I to find time to pack and haul and such? I haven't even had time to stop by the storage place to rent a unit. Then, today I had Makenneh's parent/teacher conference. I left there with tears stinging my eyes. She is a great student, loves to be in class, gets along well with all the other students, always helpful and happy, pleasure to be around, etc. But, she is behind on the academic stuff. I realized as I sat there listening to this that I have really failed this child. She is very bright. But, I haven't worked with her nearly as much as I should have been. We started off doing ok....she knew her colors and shapes around two years old, had a better than average vocabulary around 2. Do you see the common theme there? by 2. When she was 2, I had Sebastian and sank into postpartum depression and well, all my energies went to surviving day to day. I had nothing left for ABCs or 123s. She knows them, she doesn't recognize them as well as she should. Stupid me. Stupid, stupid me. I feel like such a failure, i cannot even begin to explain it. In order to start Kindergarten, they must know how to draw a person, complete with head, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hair, body, arms, legs, fingers and must be two other things I am leaving out, as it's a point for each thing and there are 12 total points. I can't figure out the other two..but my brain is broken. They also have to be able to recognize numbers 1-20, be able to count to 10 or higher (funny they only have to count to ten or higher, but must visually recognize up to 20), recognize and know their alphabet, upper and lowercase, know their bday, address and phone number, shapes, colors, be able to write their name...i can't think of what else and the paper is in the car. Anyway, when they did the evaluation, she didn't do that well. She could count to ten, drew about a 6 point person, recognized a few letters, only one number, didn't know her bday, addy or phone, which as I explained to them, we did just move and will be moving again...they said the kindy roundup testers will take that into consideration. So, i went out tonight and bought some foam sticker letters and numbers to work with her and got some other great ideas from the teachers and the papers they sent home with me. I am hoping that I can get her caught up. Jeremy and I both did very well in school and learning has come very naturally to both of us. I guess, i just took the whole learning process for granted. I just always "got it". Makenneh hasn't had the chance, though, i suppose. And her stubborn nature sure hasn't helped because when I would try to work with her, a lot of times, she wanted no part of it. There were more important things to do...play. I was so afraid of hindering her by making learning miserable that I never pushed her to sit down and learn. And of course, being consumed by depression meant that I didn't take the time and energy to get creative. Now, I will have to work extra hard to catch her up. Everything has just been so damn overwhelming lately. I feel like I am near a breaking point and one more thing may lead to a break. Then, before leaving her conference, the coordinator met with me to update info and also to inform me that Makenneh's physical is way overdue. Ok, I wasn't aware, but now I am. She had to be snotty as she added in, "Technically, I shouldn't have even let her start here without that." Of course, by this point, I am already beat down enough...the snottiness could have been left out, especially since I was never given a physical form or told of the need to get it updated. I don't like the coordinator for this school district and really hope that we are back in the old district before Sebastian starts, because I don't want to deal with this snot more than I have to.
Nuff of that. My sister got the pictures developed and so I will post them tomorrow. I am beyond ready for bed, so I don't want to wait for them to upload.
Too much of my brain power is being used on school, so i don't remember if i posted about this...but on Tues we went to dinner for my brother's bday. I took Makenneh but the boys stayed home. She was very well behaved and we had a great time. And I don't know if I ever posted that the reason my brother gave for not coming Sunday was because the wrestling tournament ran late and he was so tired and had forgotten. Of course, Makenneh told him that we had a cake for him and candles and he didn't come so she and Uncle Ralphie blew the candles out. It was funny. Anyway, Makenneh had spent the whole evening at the restaurant right by Kaden's side. She just adores her baby cousin. And he loves her too. He especially likes grabbing her hair! LOL.
Well, I am off here and headed to bed. Tomorrow is my father in law's bday so we are gonna try to coordinate going out to brunch (gosh, the money spent in eating out lately with bdays...ugh) and then later in the afternoon is a bday party for my cousin. Somewhere I must squeeze in time for my homework, maybe some house work, and definitely some packing.
Nuff of that. My sister got the pictures developed and so I will post them tomorrow. I am beyond ready for bed, so I don't want to wait for them to upload.
Too much of my brain power is being used on school, so i don't remember if i posted about this...but on Tues we went to dinner for my brother's bday. I took Makenneh but the boys stayed home. She was very well behaved and we had a great time. And I don't know if I ever posted that the reason my brother gave for not coming Sunday was because the wrestling tournament ran late and he was so tired and had forgotten. Of course, Makenneh told him that we had a cake for him and candles and he didn't come so she and Uncle Ralphie blew the candles out. It was funny. Anyway, Makenneh had spent the whole evening at the restaurant right by Kaden's side. She just adores her baby cousin. And he loves her too. He especially likes grabbing her hair! LOL.
Well, I am off here and headed to bed. Tomorrow is my father in law's bday so we are gonna try to coordinate going out to brunch (gosh, the money spent in eating out lately with bdays...ugh) and then later in the afternoon is a bday party for my cousin. Somewhere I must squeeze in time for my homework, maybe some house work, and definitely some packing.
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