Heading for a Manic Monday

Today was a bear. Plain and simple. Had my wheaties pissed in before 1pm. I went to my parents' house to pick the kids up, just after Noon. I arrived to find the door locked. No big deal, i think, as I dig for my house key, insert and unlock the door. I figured one of the kids must've locked it or perhaps mom did it out of habit. I walk in and it's quiet. Not a soul to be seen. Hmmm, now that's not normal, my wild children should be running around, loudly. Hello??? The only answer I receive is the dog, coming out of my parents' bedroom, with a bark. Shut up, Sparky, it's just me. Hello???? Then, I hear mom say, Hello??? with a bit of a change in her voice....coming from the bedroom. Ughhh...how awkward. But, i had to know where my kids were....Where are the kids? Mom's reply, "Kenny's". I managed to stammer out a , "ummm, ok, yeah, im gonna go get the kids...." retreat out front door, locking it behind me. I called Jeremy and told him that I was just paid back for any bad thing I have ever done in my life. LOL. Funny how our minds work. I saw nothing, heard nothing...yet just knowing that they were both in the bedroom with the front door locked, well, c'mon...not rocket science. LOL. That's not what made the day bad....I can handle that. It's a part of life.

I got to my uncle's and his truck is gone. Hmmm...I see one of my cousins in the big window. (several cousins stayed the night there last night..). Before I could even get my key out of the ignition (which is sticks most times and has to be fought free), one cousin, Markie flew out the door and up to my car door. I couldn't imagine what was so pressing that she must run out and meet me at my car. Then, she proceeds to tell me that when I pulled up, her sister, Allana, said outloud, "Christina's here!" to which my uncle's gf huffed, "thank God!" I was instantly put in a bad mood. First off, I am not the one who took the kids down there, I had no idea they were there. Second off, there were 3 16yr old kids, who are more than capable of tending my two kids, plus a 13 yr old who is capable. I highly doubt it had to inconvenience her much. Then, when i got inside, see she is still in a robe, with hair askew, she has the audacity to say to me, "Well, good AFTERnoon" with emphasis on after. And she said it in a snarky voice. I was seething. My thoughts, which weren't pleasant ,were, "well, yes, you snotty little bitch, good afternoon, glad to see you could get dressed and meet the day!" Instead, bc I try to be nice, I just gave her a fraction of a smile, as I said hi to my cousins. Note that I had said my uncle's truck wasn't there...neither was he. Otherwise, there would have been a difference in her.
Anyway, Makenneh didn't want to leave, i was still all befuddled bc I had no idea why my kids were here rather than at my mom's, nor how long they had been there (I had talked to my mom about an hour prior and she had them, so i knew couldn't have been too long) and then, was met with all this attitude from the girlfriend. I wasn't in a good mood, suddenly. I looked at Markie and said, Can you help please? I just wanted out of there. So, she helped get SEbastian ready and something I had said (though i don't recall) clicked with Makenneh bc she was suddenly ready and willing to go. As Im getting them ready, my cousins ask if I need help packing adn I just kinda looked at them. The truth was, no i didn't. But, they seemed anxious to get out of there, so i was like, Ummm, i guess. not really, but sure. So, the 3 of them ended up coming home with me. I had lost all wind in my sails to continue packing or doing anything for this move. Because, on the ride home, which is very short...all of say, 3 miles., Stephanie tells me that my uncle said last night that hopefully when Jeremy and Christina move in, she will want to leave bc she doesn't like kids. WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. I thought we went through this already. I am more than certain if i backtrack in this blog of mine, we will find a post where I talked about this very thing. He had suggested that originally and I shot it down quick fast and in a hurry. I point blank told him that there was no way I would subject my kids and myself to that and there was no way I was going to be made out to look like the bad guy. I told him if he wanted us to stay there, she had to go first. Period. I was not living under the same roof as her. I am beginning to think that my uncle has a huge problem...one of which is habitual lying. Another which is not saying what he means and meaning what he says. He tells each person what he thinks they want to hear or some variation of it. So, shortly after I get home, my mom stops by. She takes me back to my bedroom bc she needs to talk to me and doesn't want to talk in front of all the kids here. She proceeds to tell me how when she there last night, with my kids, my cousin, that lives there, was going around singing a song about hanging N in a tree and what not. Yes, I want to puke. A very racist, disgusting, ignorant song. When mom told him not to say that in front of the kids (cousin is almost 17) he says, OH they don't know. WTF are you kidding me. She also told me that my uncle wasn't home when i stopped there because he was running to get a propane tank filled. Apparently, their tank (for the house, aka a "pig") ran out, leaving htem with no heat all night long. Now, it got quite cold last night. That's not mention, no hot water. He has always struggled to keep their pig filled. Always using electric heaters to supplement, not cooking on the stove bc it's gas, things like that to cut down on propane usage. So, when thinking about the big picture, i just can't move my family there. I would have to be buying the propane rather than paying him a portion, bc otherwise, my kids wouldn't have warm baths or warm beds to sleep in. I would have trouble keeping food around bc in the span of 3 hours, they had dinner, then the 17 yo turned around and made up some chicken, then a bit later, but still within that 3 hours, made ramen noodles, all the while, shoving bananas in his mouth btwn times. Basically eating nonstop for 3 hours. This was a concern of mine, bc even when he has stayed the night here, he can eat me out of house and home. I don't like to let him stay if i have just bought groceries, bc it's as if he truly can't help himself. Truly, I had all these thoughts in the back of my head, but i kept telling myself it would be ok. Bc we just need to get this over with. Well, my mom was very upset when she stopped by. She basically told me that she had talked with my dad and they both want us to stay with them...they don't want their grandkids in that environment on a daily, round the clock basis. And, I don't want my kids in it either. I tend to get caught up in the idea that I can make things work, bc hoping that I can is easier than admitting I can't. But, after talking to mom today, I realized that I had to take the blinders off and realize that there is no way I can move in there. Not to mention, my uncle obviously has no intentions of kicking gf out but rather waiting until we move in to "drive her out". Then, we get to look like the bad guys who broke up their relationship and ruined the happiness bc he doesn't have the balls to tell her he isn't happy. Instead, he continues to tell her he loves her and be all lovey dovey with her....until she is out of ear shot and then he is complaining about her and seething. And like my dad said to mom, yeah and then what, in 2 months when he is sick of them being there or some new skirt saunters in...is he going to complain about Christina an Jeremy to all the family and have everyone treating them bad? My dad said, that isn't going to happen bc I will come unglued. I found it a bit flattering that my father still has those paternal instincts to protect his "young". Not to mention, he is a rather laid back guy and doesn't get worked up about much (mom makes up for it, trust me)..so him coming unglued is enough to scare the red off the devil.

The truth is, I didn't want to stay with my parents bc well, they are my parents. And as Ive mentioned before, they go to bed early, up early, have certain ways of doing things and I don't fit that mold. My kids don't. Not that they shouldn't. It's a good mold to fit into and I often wish I could be half the mom my mom is. But, I haven't figured out the schedule thing...except bedtime...im gettin quite good at that one. Love those little wild things in bed around 9. Such joy! I am a night person, though. I want to be able to do what I want to do without it impinging on others (did i use that word right?). I can't go to sleep at 9. I can't. I also don't want to feel as though I am on constant monitor with my kids. I don't know how to explain it, but face it, we all expect our kids to behave better at other's homes. And then, dad and I have been known to bump heads at times...we only bump heads at times bc we tend to be a lot alike. Well, except that I don't always have to be right and I am a wimp. LOL. But, he asked my mom earlier today, "I just don't understand why they don't want to stay here." Mom told him that we were afraid of how hard it would be with the kids and all. To which he replied, "I know it will be hard, but I would much rather have them here. I will pull the travel trailer up and hook it up so they can have a little escape...place to their own." So, I talked to Jeremy and it was decided that we will stay with my parents. It's just a better place for the kids. Oh well if our lives are sorta stifled a bit, it's better for the kids and that's what is important. Not to mention, by the time all is said and done, I might have two very well behaved kids on my hands. My parents did a helluva good job on us 3....lol. And we will be warm, able to shower as needed, eat regular meals in a timely fashion, without an all day foodfest, have more room (mom has two spare rooms, although one is full of weight benches and the like) and most importantly, my kids won't be exposed to racist, hateful, intolerant ignorance. That I cannot stand. I will not raise intolerant children. My children will know that God made even every being that graces this Earth and even those who don't "grace" it. They will grow to know that we love others as we love ourselves, as we love God. We treat others how we wish to be treated and we respect each person as a human being. My home will care not if you are black, orange, purple, yellow, brown, or white. We will not care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist, Atheist or otherwise. We will not care if you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual or otherwise. Short, tall, fat (bc otherwise, i wouldn't fit in), thin. Rich or poor. We will just care that you are human. Kind is helpful. ;) I so can't wait to tell my uncle that my dear Makenneh said the other day that when she grows up, maybe she her kids will be black. When I asked her why, she said, just because, they will be. So pure and innocent. I told her that would be just fine. No different than had she said white. To kids, people are just different color because they are. It's really that simple for them. It should be that simple for everyone. And speaking of her growing up, she has finally decided she does in fact want to grow up. I had mentioned before that if i ever made reference to "when you grow up" she would all but melt down, insisting she wasn't going to grow up. She was going to be 4 forever. I decided to enlighten her...i said, that's wonderful that you are staying 4 forever. I won't need to have birthday parties for you then. And, well, I guess she wasn't ready to give up the birthday parties. Now all she talks about is, "when i grow up....." It's funny to watch kids and the stages they go through as they try to make sense of the world around them.

Gee, i have been long winded lately (well, not winded bc i am not saying a word...but sure am typin a bunch of them). But, that's bc I have a lot on my mind these days and getting them out on this blog helps me sort it all out, make sense of it and even understand it better.

I have this next week off from school. Of course, it will be filled with moving and doing homework, but it will be nice to not have to go to class. Whew!

Well, im off here for now. I think I am going to make my rounds on here and call it a night. Jeremy was just able to fall asleep a little bit ago. He can't sleep because his teeth are really hurting him tonight. He took some motrin then a little while later called me in to get him a hot pack. If he isn't able to get some sleep, not sure he is going to be able to make it in to work tomorrow. Of course, if i don't think about the money part, i secretly hope he stays home. Of course, i don't wish for him to be up all night in pain, though, either. but I love when he is home, except when I want to hit him over the head with a frying pan bc he is driving me nuts. LOL. Lucky for him, those are mostly packed. hahaha. I always tell him I wish we could live on love, bc we would be rich and he could always be home! (then, when he is off for any length of time, i remember why it's important for some space...so we don't want to kill each other.)