Moral Dilemmas

Well, mom is back from her trip to TN with my friend, Tiffney and her mom, Kathy. (Kathy and my mom are good friends). Well, I was finally able to ask mom today how the trip went. The things she told me have broke my heart. I am sick.

I will start with saying that Tiffney and I have been friends since 7th grade, so...like 15 yrs. As some of you may recall...Tiffney has 2 girls and then she also has custody of her husband's nephew through the foster system. They receive monthly checks to care for him.

Well, they have always treated Jordon differently bc he isn't "theirs". But, the things that happened on this trip, in front of my mom, mortify me. For instance, they rented a chalet. For those of you who don't know, its like a house. Anyway, get this....her girls (7 and 3) slept on the pull out couch in the living room. Guess where J slept? In a fucking closet in his pack and play with an air conditioning vent blowing down on him. That isn't the top of it, though. She brought blankets for her girls (their special blankets). Didn't bother to bring one for J. The adults would wake up cold in the morning and her comment regarding J was....oh well, he has a sheet, that's his problem. WTF! You are kidding me, right?! He isnt even 2 yet. How is anything "his" problem? Then, she didn't bring a sippy cup or anything for him. When they went to the restaraunts, she didn't order him anything....and would only order him a water (bc she didn't have the money). Ummmm the state pays them to take care of him and he has to go without or with less?? Now don't get me wrong..he did eat...just from other ppl's plates. When they would go to McDonalds....she would order her girls happy meals but just order jordon a 4 piece chix nugget. So, they get drinks and toys. He saw ariel's pop and was like "Pop!". My mom said, where is his pop? Oh, he didn't get one. My mom was livid. She said, well ill go get him a damn pop then! Kathy said, well there are juice boxes in the van. So, mom gave jordon the juice box. ummm...oh. The carseat! His carseat still has the straps in the bottom rungs. This is a huge no no. They should be in the top rungs for him. so, bc it doesn't fit him right, tiffney loosened the straps up quite a bit, to where he could get out of the damn carseat. May as well not one, right? Then, when he would take his arms out of the straps and or climb out, they were constantly yelling at him. Not his fault...mom's fault. When they went to Dollywood....the girls got treats and treasures...he got nothing! The girls got new outfits and purses...jordon got nothing. When they went on one outting, he sat in a shitty diaper for 5, yes five, hours! His butt was so raw it was bleeding and tiffney wouldn't spend a few bucks to even buy the kid something to put on his raw, bleeding butt! I have 2 kids and the ONLY time I have had to deal with any form of diaper rash is when they have real bad diarhea. Other than that, they do not get diaper rashes! One time she smacked his hand so hard, it was red for several hours!

So, on to the moral dillemma!!!! My heart breaks for this child. My mom sobbed when she got home last night and was telling my dad all of this stuff. My mom said she honestly hopes that God calls that poor little boy home soon, to get him out of that hell hole he is subjected to. As a foster child, she had to sign a paper that would never hit him, period. Well, she does more than hit him. She beats his ass over the most trivial things. OH and back to the McDonalds thing....Ariel threw her toy at him and hit him so hard in the head, it bruised. Now, if he had done that to ariel, he would have had his ass beat. She didn't get in any trouble. So, anyway, the parental rights have finally been terminated on Jordon, meaning that he can now be adopted. They have filed to adopt him. I just think it's sad. he was originally placed with a foster family that has his sister. Tiffney and her hubby fought to get him and for what? For a paycheck? They don't have his best interests at heart. A social worker comes out once a month, as does Jordons lawyer and now the adoption worker. Yet, everything checks out fine with them. OF course it does. They have to call in advance when they are coming out and of course, their best foot is put forward. Nobody sees what really goes on behind closed doors. And if they were this horrible in front of an "outsider" ( my mom), how bad are things when nobody is around? Especially knowing where my mom stands with fair/equal treatment of siblings, child abuse, overall treatment of kids?

I really want to speak up. I do not want them to adopt this child. I want him to have a chance at a normal, loving family life. Every child deserves that. But, I also don't want to lose a friend over it. Of course, a huge voice is screaming in my head....if this would end a friendship, the friendship wasn't worth having. But, in other aspects, she is a great person, definitely a good friend. But, i just can't stand to allow this go on. I will forever live in guilt if i don't do something. I don't think talking to Tiffney will get me far. She is very stubborn, snotty and opinionated. She is like her dad in that ppl outside of the family are not as important. That's why jordon gets treated so bad...bc he isn't part of their core family..kwim?

If we call to make a report of sorts, anything brought up from the vacation, like sleeping him in a closet with a vent blowing cold air on him and no blanket, or sitting in a shitty diaper for 5 hours until his ass is bleeding, they will know where the report came from. I am leaning towards making an anonymous call to the foster care worker or something. I don't want her kids taken away...she treats them decent. It's jordon i want placed in another home. I do think that if i just called about her spanking (using that word very loosely here), that would be enough for them to look into things. But as ive stated, whenever the state comes out, everything checks out bc they don't obviously hit him or scream at him or mistreat him in front of the state workers.

The sick part is, she knows its wrong bc she even has told her 7 yr old to never tell anyone that they hit jordon bc then they would take away all the kids...of course when you instill that fear in a child, they aren't going to talk. no child wants to be taken away from their mom. I just don't see why they want to adopt him when they don't even like him. She talks about being attached to him, but i think it really boils down to being attached to his paycheck. She has said that they counted on his check to make thier house payment when they bought their house and that's why they are in financial trouble right now is bc the state was delayed in getting the checks started. So to me that clearly shows that they are concerned more with his money than doing what is best for him.

OK, i have ranted enough. I need to think this all through. Tomorrow is monday. right now, i have to get off here...I am sick. I have a huge lump in my throat and my heart is just aching. Anyway, please pray for Jordon, for me that I will do what is best and that I will have the strength to do what i need to do.