Yesterday was the Going Away Party. It went well. Everyone had a good time. We left there and went to Wishbones, which is a local bar and grill that has Karoake on Saturdays. The cool thing is, at the end of the night, the dj gives you a cd that has all the songs you sang recorded on it.
I did actually sing...i sang, "Good as I was to you" by Lorrie Morgan. I sang it for my Aunt Dawn. That song always makes me think of her and the whole situation.
Carrie sang "Leaving on a Jet Plane" for Mark and of course, that made me cry. It is sad to think about it. Allana was crying yesterday and I went in to talk to her. I told her I was sure she would make new friends and she said, "but i can't make a family" and i just started to cry. She is 11 yrs old and what do you say to something like that? It's hard for me to know what to say, as I have never even had to switch schools, much less move that far away.
We ended up with 5 extra kids here last night. It started with Steph staying to watch kids while we went out, then Desiree needed a place to stay...then Allana wanted to stay, then markie was added in and then, Kenny wanted to stay at his moms but they were going to the bar instead, so he was sad and near tears. He told us that his mom would rather go drink than spend time wiht her son. That just broke my heart, so i invited him to stay too. Heck, what was one more at that point. Our living room was clean.....it was trashed when we got home last night. Thankfully i had disposable cups for them to use. Of course, i hadn't done dishes, so they were all dirty anyway. but now, Markie is doing the dishes (with a $5 incentive) and Allana picked up the living room. So, it works out. Plus Kenny has been taking going back to my brothers nad feeding the dogs and letting them out. A huge plus bc I hate doing it in this cold weather.
OH and guess what?!! We have been bug/nit free for several days now! And so help me God, if i send her to school tomorrow and she comes home wiht a bug, im gonna blow! LOL.
Well, I am off here to do crowd control!
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
Zzzzzzzz
Yeah for me, not Makenneh. She is wired! My gosh! I wanna call it a night. And she is so damn stubborn. The kids absolutely drove me nuts today. I had finally had all i could take and loaded us up and went to my moms. At least there, im not on my own...lol. Sometimes i dream about duct tape. =) Really though, I shouldn't joke about that. I heard about a child abuse case recently involving duct tape. that really is horrible. I guess they duct taped the kids to the seats or something. i mean, we have always made jokes about "ruling with a role of duct tape" but i just can't imagine someone actually using it. Geesh! Then again, i can't imagine half the things i hear about ppl doing to children. My kids are huge monsters...but i really have nobody to blame but me! I still love em more than life and just can't understand how anyone can look at a child and not see the beauty of them.
Speaking of the beauty...i realize now that i really shouldn't have gotten Seb's hair cut....=( It's not soft and silky anymore..i can't run my fingers through it and stroke it the same as i did before. It makes me sad. But, boy he sure is handsome. OH and Jeremy was quite disappointed about the hair cut. It actually made me sad a bit, too. I realized i should've talked to him about it first...they are his kids too afterall. i just didn't put much thought into it. He was a little heartbroken about it. i found it very touching that he had feelings about it at all. I guess it was one of those moments where you had to be here.
Tomorrow's a busy day. Chris gets out of the hospital. I am supposed to watch my friend's kids for a couple hours (from like 1-315), we are having a going away party for my Uncle Mark, jeremy has to help Matt move some stuff....busy busy busy. Oh and somewhere before the party which is at 4, i have to find time to get to the store to buy the plates, napkins, cups, forks, and stuff to make a dish and make said dish. And, bad me, i never did make it over to clean the apartment...I really need to do at least get the ashtrays out of there, as she hasn't had a cigarette in over a week and shouldn't have any temptation to pick one up. I headed that way today, but honestly, the thought of it made my stomach turn. She had made some homemade soup one day and was too sick to clean up so the pot is still on the stove with the soup in it. It smelled rancid on Sunday when we called the ambulance and quite frankly, im afraid to go near it. IF it were my own plac ,ei would trash the whole thing...pot and all. I am afraid of rancid food...lol. I have thrown bowls away that got shoved to the back of fridge with leftovers in it. No way was i gonna scrape and clean them...lol. However, this soup was made in her good stock pot..its a smaller one, perfect for her and i doubt she would want it thrown away. hmmm. Timing is everything i guess. This past week I haven't had energy to deal with my own place, not to mention, PMS hit this week as well. And the depression keeps peaking its evil head out. I am fighting it! But these winter blues sure don't make it any easier.
On a much brighter note, jeremy and i just had a great evening together after the kids were asleep. We actually had a conversation. Ya know...those things that take place when 2 people talk to each other and respond to each other? They are pretty neat, i tell ya! It feels so nice to be able to just "shoot the breeze" about anything and everything. It doesn't happen enough around here. Of course, i shouldn't tell ya that I had to use bondage cuffs to hold him to the bed in order to have his attention for said conversation...lol. JK, really, i am.
I can hear the water from the filter on the fish tank, which is beckoning me to add water. I shall do it tomorrow. surprise! I do everything "tomorrow". Procrastinators motto: Why do anything today that can be put off until tomorrow. Ps..tomorrow never seems to come. LOL. I really hate that about me, yet i can't seem to shake it. Probably because I always tell myself that I will work on it tomorrow. ~wink~
And how darn long does it take for the SARs to come from financial aid? Anyone know? I want mine. Actually, Julie, I need you to email me if you can. I have a few questions. Truth is though, i will probably forget them...well, hecks, i will ask them here, you can reply here if ya want. When i applied for the fafsa, the final thing said that my efc (estimated family contribution) was 153. So, does that mean that I am gonna have to pay 153 or does it balance out somehow? My aunt said that she never had to pay but doesn't remember if she had an efc over 0. If you or anyone reading this knows, lemme know. I honestly don't see how i would be expected to pay anything, bc we are poor folk over here. But, if i have to pay 153 a semester, i guess we will have to figure something out. I just know that usually everyone I know ends up with money left over after paying tuition and buying books. I cant believe that I would be owing some money. It's still a good deal though. Although, with that in mind, i may have to change my goal, because if i have to pay out 153 to attend a local community college, i can only imagine what it will be when i have to attend Spring Arbor (which is one of those accelerated deals and costs quite a bit more than traditional colleges) and Michigan State. Those two are quite costly. I still can't believe i will have to go to MSU...yucky! Is this some form of punishment? LOL. Thankfully i can just attend the extension at Mott's campus. Hehehehhe!
My fingers get going too darn fast when i type. I am forever hitting like ctrl and something else making my screens disappear or pulling up things i didn't want. Frustrating. Slow down fingers.
Well, I need to fight this insomnia i am feeling (it is a result of the release of endorphins and "feel good" hormones we created....lol) and try to get some sleep.
Those of you in MI (or anywhere it's cold) stay warm....we are looking at some frigid temps. And i thought that darn groundhog predicted an early spring today? can't it start, today?It's no wonder he didn't see his shadow..it's too damn cold for shadows to even hang around these days. LOL. That whole groundhog thing confuses me anyway. it seems that it would make most sense that if he sees his shadow, spring will be early...shadows=sunlight and that's just hte way i would have it if it were up to me. But, i don't get to make the rules or create the folklore, so i will just sit back and go with the flow. Hahhahahah!
Oh, and we watched Idiocracy tonight....DUMB, just as the title states. It wasn't even that funny. I can handle dumb when it's back by funny, but when it's just dumb alone, forget it. I don't get the point. Well, i get the point. I guess it even makes sense...that if we continue the way we are, the future could be full of idiots. But, the plot? Where was it? Di da di, as Carlos Mencia would say. LOL. Now he is funny. Laugh until you wet your pants kinda funny. Don't watch if you are on a date, bc you are bound to snort and gasp from laughter.
Ok, im going now. I might be back, if i can't go to sleep though.
hahaha, back so soon, right after hitting publish, bc i realized as i did so, that the beginning of my post was started hours ago...and well, i was tired then. But then the kids fell asleep and i crept into the bedroom and well, the activities that followed led to my feeling of euphoria....which is why i now am not tired. Just thought i would clear that up a bit, although it may be way tmi for some of you. I just didn't want you to read this and think, wow, Christina has really lost her marbles...in the matter of a few paragraphs, she has gone from tired to wide awake....
Speaking of the beauty...i realize now that i really shouldn't have gotten Seb's hair cut....=( It's not soft and silky anymore..i can't run my fingers through it and stroke it the same as i did before. It makes me sad. But, boy he sure is handsome. OH and Jeremy was quite disappointed about the hair cut. It actually made me sad a bit, too. I realized i should've talked to him about it first...they are his kids too afterall. i just didn't put much thought into it. He was a little heartbroken about it. i found it very touching that he had feelings about it at all. I guess it was one of those moments where you had to be here.
Tomorrow's a busy day. Chris gets out of the hospital. I am supposed to watch my friend's kids for a couple hours (from like 1-315), we are having a going away party for my Uncle Mark, jeremy has to help Matt move some stuff....busy busy busy. Oh and somewhere before the party which is at 4, i have to find time to get to the store to buy the plates, napkins, cups, forks, and stuff to make a dish and make said dish. And, bad me, i never did make it over to clean the apartment...I really need to do at least get the ashtrays out of there, as she hasn't had a cigarette in over a week and shouldn't have any temptation to pick one up. I headed that way today, but honestly, the thought of it made my stomach turn. She had made some homemade soup one day and was too sick to clean up so the pot is still on the stove with the soup in it. It smelled rancid on Sunday when we called the ambulance and quite frankly, im afraid to go near it. IF it were my own plac ,ei would trash the whole thing...pot and all. I am afraid of rancid food...lol. I have thrown bowls away that got shoved to the back of fridge with leftovers in it. No way was i gonna scrape and clean them...lol. However, this soup was made in her good stock pot..its a smaller one, perfect for her and i doubt she would want it thrown away. hmmm. Timing is everything i guess. This past week I haven't had energy to deal with my own place, not to mention, PMS hit this week as well. And the depression keeps peaking its evil head out. I am fighting it! But these winter blues sure don't make it any easier.
On a much brighter note, jeremy and i just had a great evening together after the kids were asleep. We actually had a conversation. Ya know...those things that take place when 2 people talk to each other and respond to each other? They are pretty neat, i tell ya! It feels so nice to be able to just "shoot the breeze" about anything and everything. It doesn't happen enough around here. Of course, i shouldn't tell ya that I had to use bondage cuffs to hold him to the bed in order to have his attention for said conversation...lol. JK, really, i am.
I can hear the water from the filter on the fish tank, which is beckoning me to add water. I shall do it tomorrow. surprise! I do everything "tomorrow". Procrastinators motto: Why do anything today that can be put off until tomorrow. Ps..tomorrow never seems to come. LOL. I really hate that about me, yet i can't seem to shake it. Probably because I always tell myself that I will work on it tomorrow. ~wink~
And how darn long does it take for the SARs to come from financial aid? Anyone know? I want mine. Actually, Julie, I need you to email me if you can. I have a few questions. Truth is though, i will probably forget them...well, hecks, i will ask them here, you can reply here if ya want. When i applied for the fafsa, the final thing said that my efc (estimated family contribution) was 153. So, does that mean that I am gonna have to pay 153 or does it balance out somehow? My aunt said that she never had to pay but doesn't remember if she had an efc over 0. If you or anyone reading this knows, lemme know. I honestly don't see how i would be expected to pay anything, bc we are poor folk over here. But, if i have to pay 153 a semester, i guess we will have to figure something out. I just know that usually everyone I know ends up with money left over after paying tuition and buying books. I cant believe that I would be owing some money. It's still a good deal though. Although, with that in mind, i may have to change my goal, because if i have to pay out 153 to attend a local community college, i can only imagine what it will be when i have to attend Spring Arbor (which is one of those accelerated deals and costs quite a bit more than traditional colleges) and Michigan State. Those two are quite costly. I still can't believe i will have to go to MSU...yucky! Is this some form of punishment? LOL. Thankfully i can just attend the extension at Mott's campus. Hehehehhe!
My fingers get going too darn fast when i type. I am forever hitting like ctrl and something else making my screens disappear or pulling up things i didn't want. Frustrating. Slow down fingers.
Well, I need to fight this insomnia i am feeling (it is a result of the release of endorphins and "feel good" hormones we created....lol) and try to get some sleep.
Those of you in MI (or anywhere it's cold) stay warm....we are looking at some frigid temps. And i thought that darn groundhog predicted an early spring today? can't it start, today?It's no wonder he didn't see his shadow..it's too damn cold for shadows to even hang around these days. LOL. That whole groundhog thing confuses me anyway. it seems that it would make most sense that if he sees his shadow, spring will be early...shadows=sunlight and that's just hte way i would have it if it were up to me. But, i don't get to make the rules or create the folklore, so i will just sit back and go with the flow. Hahhahahah!
Oh, and we watched Idiocracy tonight....DUMB, just as the title states. It wasn't even that funny. I can handle dumb when it's back by funny, but when it's just dumb alone, forget it. I don't get the point. Well, i get the point. I guess it even makes sense...that if we continue the way we are, the future could be full of idiots. But, the plot? Where was it? Di da di, as Carlos Mencia would say. LOL. Now he is funny. Laugh until you wet your pants kinda funny. Don't watch if you are on a date, bc you are bound to snort and gasp from laughter.
Ok, im going now. I might be back, if i can't go to sleep though.
hahaha, back so soon, right after hitting publish, bc i realized as i did so, that the beginning of my post was started hours ago...and well, i was tired then. But then the kids fell asleep and i crept into the bedroom and well, the activities that followed led to my feeling of euphoria....which is why i now am not tired. Just thought i would clear that up a bit, although it may be way tmi for some of you. I just didn't want you to read this and think, wow, Christina has really lost her marbles...in the matter of a few paragraphs, she has gone from tired to wide awake....
Where's the off button?
Really, they must have one, somewhere. I cannot take it. It is only 1130am and I am fit to be tied. I have done my nit-picking in Makenneh's hair, I have picked up (although you can't tell), Sebastian was into everything while i was busy with Makenneh's hair, then he was climbing all over, knocked over a glass of pop, now they are in the bedroom and he has done nothing but cry and whine. I've had enough.
I would like to run the roads, just bc it beats sitting around here, in the messes these kids make, doing housework and listening to kids fight. But, at the same time, i don't have the gumption to get them ready and loaded into the car. And i surely don't feel up to hauling them in and out of the car to go to any stores. Not to mention, Makenneh has been anything but pleasant the last few times i have gone into public with her. So, i think i will wait for Jeremy to get home, then i will go out BY MYSELF and get the stuff done i need to get done.
I need to go clean the kids' room. It smells like the kitten may have shit in there, but i can't find it. of course, given the facts that they have way too many toys and way too small of a space for them, you can imagine the disaster of their bedroom. but, it's something i have to do. ugh. It will be necessary anyway, bc we are getting my cousin's day bed with a trundle bed under it and taking down the crib and toddler bed. I fear removing the crib, bc it works good for putting him to bed...he can cry, throw fits, etc, but he isn't getting out. However, we just don't have the room. I hope we will survive without the crib. LOL. ALso, this bed will take up more space in that, there won't be room for much mess. I will be taking a lot of the bigger toys over to my parents' house. Gee, they must love it... I would love to get rid of about 80% of their toys. Kids don't really need toys do they? I think for their bdays, they are getting things to organize their stuff. I know, not much fun, but these kids surely don't need anymore toys. I had visions last night of taking out the wall that makes up part of the closet (their closet door is so small you can't hardly use it anyway, and then putting the dresser in there and maybe a toy box. what doesn't fit in toy box can find new homes....like at grandparents' houses and freecycle. LOL. Then, they will be taught to put their toys where they belong and keep them picked up. I know, i know, a big pipe dream, but what else is there? I know i would feel much better mentally, if this place would just stay clean. When it is in a constant stay of disarray, i feel in that same state. I recall an episode of nanny 911 or some show like that, where hte kids had way too many toys. The nanny had 3 trash cans (all new). One for Keepers, one for Donation and one for trash. The kids could only fill that Keeper trash can...could keep no more. I think i shall do something to that affect around here. Dump it all out..what doesn't fit in the toy box, will go. Now, where do i purchase the energy to tackle this task with?
On another note, Chris called today and she said 99.9% likely that she will be going home tomorrow. yay! Of course, she said that she wants her son(my hubby) to take her trash out. LOL. Oh and start her jeep, bc it doesn't ever wanna start. I had planned on going over there and cleaning...so i guess i need to do that today. But, i feel like a pile of shit that someone has stepped in. And i surely won't get anything accomplished if i have to take my monsters with me. So, hmmmm. Not to mention, it goes back to getting them rounded up and loaded into car. Why can't jeremy deal with all of it? It's his mom....lol. Yeah, i can just see him over there to clean, remove ashtrays, etc. mmhmmm. Not gonna happen. I won't hold my breath.
Well, im wasting time on here. sure, it feels good to get this stuff out, but im not getting anything done. So, toodles for now
I would like to run the roads, just bc it beats sitting around here, in the messes these kids make, doing housework and listening to kids fight. But, at the same time, i don't have the gumption to get them ready and loaded into the car. And i surely don't feel up to hauling them in and out of the car to go to any stores. Not to mention, Makenneh has been anything but pleasant the last few times i have gone into public with her. So, i think i will wait for Jeremy to get home, then i will go out BY MYSELF and get the stuff done i need to get done.
I need to go clean the kids' room. It smells like the kitten may have shit in there, but i can't find it. of course, given the facts that they have way too many toys and way too small of a space for them, you can imagine the disaster of their bedroom. but, it's something i have to do. ugh. It will be necessary anyway, bc we are getting my cousin's day bed with a trundle bed under it and taking down the crib and toddler bed. I fear removing the crib, bc it works good for putting him to bed...he can cry, throw fits, etc, but he isn't getting out. However, we just don't have the room. I hope we will survive without the crib. LOL. ALso, this bed will take up more space in that, there won't be room for much mess. I will be taking a lot of the bigger toys over to my parents' house. Gee, they must love it... I would love to get rid of about 80% of their toys. Kids don't really need toys do they? I think for their bdays, they are getting things to organize their stuff. I know, not much fun, but these kids surely don't need anymore toys. I had visions last night of taking out the wall that makes up part of the closet (their closet door is so small you can't hardly use it anyway, and then putting the dresser in there and maybe a toy box. what doesn't fit in toy box can find new homes....like at grandparents' houses and freecycle. LOL. Then, they will be taught to put their toys where they belong and keep them picked up. I know, i know, a big pipe dream, but what else is there? I know i would feel much better mentally, if this place would just stay clean. When it is in a constant stay of disarray, i feel in that same state. I recall an episode of nanny 911 or some show like that, where hte kids had way too many toys. The nanny had 3 trash cans (all new). One for Keepers, one for Donation and one for trash. The kids could only fill that Keeper trash can...could keep no more. I think i shall do something to that affect around here. Dump it all out..what doesn't fit in the toy box, will go. Now, where do i purchase the energy to tackle this task with?
On another note, Chris called today and she said 99.9% likely that she will be going home tomorrow. yay! Of course, she said that she wants her son(my hubby) to take her trash out. LOL. Oh and start her jeep, bc it doesn't ever wanna start. I had planned on going over there and cleaning...so i guess i need to do that today. But, i feel like a pile of shit that someone has stepped in. And i surely won't get anything accomplished if i have to take my monsters with me. So, hmmmm. Not to mention, it goes back to getting them rounded up and loaded into car. Why can't jeremy deal with all of it? It's his mom....lol. Yeah, i can just see him over there to clean, remove ashtrays, etc. mmhmmm. Not gonna happen. I won't hold my breath.
Well, im wasting time on here. sure, it feels good to get this stuff out, but im not getting anything done. So, toodles for now
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Just another day...
I have just put in another crazy day. I did take the kids to get their hair cut today...after picking nits all morning. My Sebastian looks like a big boy now! I took pictures, but my printer isn't plugged in and i am too exhausted to mess with it. I will post them tomorrow maybe.
Matt and Sara got the job at the adult foster care home. They move in tomorrow. Didn't get much time to prepare, but seems how all their bills will be paid for, they can take time getting things moved in. The bad news is they have to get rid of the dogs. Sparky, the family dog, will go back to my parents. We have had him about 12 yrs or so. I would've taken him in before losing him. But, they have to find a home for Jager..which actually, they already have someone who wants him. So, hopefully he will have a good home.
I am hoping that with diligent nit-picking, we can have the lice gone. Tomorrow night I am going to use the cetaphil cleanser on her hair overnight. Well, I am whipped and Jeremy has a good movie in, so i am gonna go watch.
Matt and Sara got the job at the adult foster care home. They move in tomorrow. Didn't get much time to prepare, but seems how all their bills will be paid for, they can take time getting things moved in. The bad news is they have to get rid of the dogs. Sparky, the family dog, will go back to my parents. We have had him about 12 yrs or so. I would've taken him in before losing him. But, they have to find a home for Jager..which actually, they already have someone who wants him. So, hopefully he will have a good home.
I am hoping that with diligent nit-picking, we can have the lice gone. Tomorrow night I am going to use the cetaphil cleanser on her hair overnight. Well, I am whipped and Jeremy has a good movie in, so i am gonna go watch.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
This and That
Well, I had a busy day, again! I had to get up and get kids rounded up then head out. Dropped kids off at my moms, went to Walmart to get all the stuff Chris needed, then got almost to hospital and realized I had forgotten to get her a brush, so had to stop at another store on the way. get to the damn hospital, wait about 10 mins with hands full of bags for a freakin elevator! Im not making this up. I was getting a bit concerned about stepping inside. But, of course, it beats trekkin up stairs with all this stuff (which is heavy btw, big value size bottles of shampoo, conditioner, plus mouth wash, etc...adds up). There were 4 other ppl waiting for an elevator. So, it finally stops and opens, there are 3 ppl in there already, one being a lady in a wheelchair! Then, i'll be damned if the thing didn't stop at several other floors and more ppl loaded in. I was beginning to feel very claustaphobic. I mean, how many ppl can safely load into one single old elevator? Finally, my floor..i get off and get to her room. I stayed and visited a bit...we had lunch together. Ya know, the wonderful hospital food. Actually, i was rather impressed. She had a chicken caeser wrap. It was actually pretty good. Then, i left so she could get a much anticipated shower. I did find out while there that they aren't letting her go home until she is off the oxygen and her O2 Saturation levels stay at 94 or higher. They are looking at a couple more days probably. Her O2 looked to be set at about 3 or 4 right now. I couldn't get back there to see it up close. They don't keep her hooked to a monitor to displays her sats and stuff, so i have no idea what they are. they have her hooked to an iv that is pumping her with steriods, antibiotics and other goodies.
After i left there, i stopped and got the plates and cups for Carrie's bridal shower. then, I headed back to my moms in time to get the kids and get Makenneh to school. I took the extra time to check her head (mom helped me so it went much faster). It just seems that there isn't enough time in a day.
I came home, cooked dinner, ate, and then relaxed on the couch for maybe a half hour, before it was time to get Makenneh. After i got her, i had to stop at the grocery store, bc i read up on some home remedies for lice and by golly, im going to try them. (of course, when we checked her head before school, we saw nothing). But, i don't want to deal with bugs anymore, so im going to be prepared and seems these treatments are natural and safe, it doesn't hurt to do them "just in case". I get her home, they play for a bit, then i put them in the bath. You can already see where this is going, can't you? I get them out and go through Makenneh's hair. I get the white vinegar and saturate her hair, leave it one for a few mins (not too long though bc it was burning the scabs on her scalp from itching, dryness, etc). So, I start running the nit comb through and found a freakin bug...alive and well. i was so upset. So, either both my mom and I are missing nits when we go through her hair or she is getting reinfested at school. At either rate, I cannot take anymore. We have spent about $140 on lice treatments (including my trip to grocery store tonight. Olive oil, listerene, denorex, white vinegar, shower caps, hair clips). I have washed/dried the bedding so much it will be falling apart soon! I have sprayed more chemicals (which are pesticided btw=not exactly healthy for repeated uses). I am over it. sHe fell asleep right after i picked through her hair tonight. Can't say i blame her. It took a good half hour, with me hunched over her head...holding a desk lamp (the kind that clamp) by my mouth, so i could have both hands to work the hair. The lamp gets extremely hot and was burning me, bc it was resting on my chest, but i am so over these bugs, i didn't care. tomorrow night, i am putting the olive oil in her hair, covering head with shower cap and she will sleep for 8 hours. I will then wash it and go through it again. Tomorrow I am going to get Cetaphil lotion and the next night, i will saturate her dry hair with that, comb the excess out and then blow dry it (which is said to take a long time bc it's so thick). then, she will sleep on that and i will wash and comb and pick some more! I know you guys just envy me and the exciting times i have ahead! The oil and cetaphil are both supposed to smother the bugs. I will ahve to repeat this every week, to ensure that all live bugs are smothered as those nits hatch. I hope that within 2 weeks, we will be bug free! Because if not, i will be in a white padded room! And I don't think they allow computers in there! I have heard though, that after time, you do get to use the jumbo crayons, and in which case, I will be sure to write! LOL. I hope they issue Crayola, bc those are the only crayons i prefer to use. I am bagging every piece of bedding/pillow/anything with any material and it will sit in the shed until it is stolen or the bugs are guaranteed gone, whichever comes first. I currently have 3 bags of said stuff on my porch. I am living like white trash now, for sure! LOL. But, i don't care. I want these bugs GONE! I do not understand how we can live in this day and age where technology is so advanced, yet we still battle something as freakin primitive as head lice. I mean, we have a vaccine for chicken pox now! but, can't eradicate head lice. It's a gimmick, i tell ya! Bc if they eradicated head lice, companies such as Rid and Nix would not need to exist. So, for the love of money, we must suffer through these bouts of lice. And everything i read and have been told (even by health department) says that lice are becoming resistant to the shampoos. Yet, there is a website, where for a mere 77.00 you can purchase a lice killing kit for one person's use. A family kit only costs 111.00. It is guaranteed to work or your money back. But wait there's more! Order now and we will throw in a free frying pan (to beat yourself over the head with). Ok, ok, no it doesn't have the "but wait...." stuff on the site. But, i do wonder if it really works. I mean, i have spent more than $111 as it is. And it didn't work and nobody is giving me my money back. Walmart said something about their return policy doesn't apply to open and used merchandise. Doh! JK. I have to say though, that vinegar made her hair soooo silky and soft. I think i shall use it in my hair tomorrow. Then, i can smell like a Summer's Eve douche! LOL. I am adding the humor here, but really, folks, im not feelin it! It is merely for your reading entertainment purposes only!
So anyway, Im tired and feel awfully defeated. I think i will keep her home from school all next week to try to get this under control. My thursday will be spent vaccumming, laundry, nit-picking, and garbage bag stuffing and hair pulling.
She is sleeping on the couch right nex to the computer desk and as I glance over at her, I must tell you, she looks absolutely divine. I can't believe she is the same child who through such a horrendous fit at Kroger that I wanted to leave her there!
Well, it's bed time. Last time i was in our bedroom, rounding clothes and bedding up, Jeremy was sprawled across the entire bed, sideways. So, i can just imagine the fun I will have trying to get into bed. I think I'll opt for the couch tonight. he sleeps like a dead log and can't be budged most of the time. And i certainly don't have the energy or strength to try to push him over so i can get in bed.
After i left there, i stopped and got the plates and cups for Carrie's bridal shower. then, I headed back to my moms in time to get the kids and get Makenneh to school. I took the extra time to check her head (mom helped me so it went much faster). It just seems that there isn't enough time in a day.
I came home, cooked dinner, ate, and then relaxed on the couch for maybe a half hour, before it was time to get Makenneh. After i got her, i had to stop at the grocery store, bc i read up on some home remedies for lice and by golly, im going to try them. (of course, when we checked her head before school, we saw nothing). But, i don't want to deal with bugs anymore, so im going to be prepared and seems these treatments are natural and safe, it doesn't hurt to do them "just in case". I get her home, they play for a bit, then i put them in the bath. You can already see where this is going, can't you? I get them out and go through Makenneh's hair. I get the white vinegar and saturate her hair, leave it one for a few mins (not too long though bc it was burning the scabs on her scalp from itching, dryness, etc). So, I start running the nit comb through and found a freakin bug...alive and well. i was so upset. So, either both my mom and I are missing nits when we go through her hair or she is getting reinfested at school. At either rate, I cannot take anymore. We have spent about $140 on lice treatments (including my trip to grocery store tonight. Olive oil, listerene, denorex, white vinegar, shower caps, hair clips). I have washed/dried the bedding so much it will be falling apart soon! I have sprayed more chemicals (which are pesticided btw=not exactly healthy for repeated uses). I am over it. sHe fell asleep right after i picked through her hair tonight. Can't say i blame her. It took a good half hour, with me hunched over her head...holding a desk lamp (the kind that clamp) by my mouth, so i could have both hands to work the hair. The lamp gets extremely hot and was burning me, bc it was resting on my chest, but i am so over these bugs, i didn't care. tomorrow night, i am putting the olive oil in her hair, covering head with shower cap and she will sleep for 8 hours. I will then wash it and go through it again. Tomorrow I am going to get Cetaphil lotion and the next night, i will saturate her dry hair with that, comb the excess out and then blow dry it (which is said to take a long time bc it's so thick). then, she will sleep on that and i will wash and comb and pick some more! I know you guys just envy me and the exciting times i have ahead! The oil and cetaphil are both supposed to smother the bugs. I will ahve to repeat this every week, to ensure that all live bugs are smothered as those nits hatch. I hope that within 2 weeks, we will be bug free! Because if not, i will be in a white padded room! And I don't think they allow computers in there! I have heard though, that after time, you do get to use the jumbo crayons, and in which case, I will be sure to write! LOL. I hope they issue Crayola, bc those are the only crayons i prefer to use. I am bagging every piece of bedding/pillow/anything with any material and it will sit in the shed until it is stolen or the bugs are guaranteed gone, whichever comes first. I currently have 3 bags of said stuff on my porch. I am living like white trash now, for sure! LOL. But, i don't care. I want these bugs GONE! I do not understand how we can live in this day and age where technology is so advanced, yet we still battle something as freakin primitive as head lice. I mean, we have a vaccine for chicken pox now! but, can't eradicate head lice. It's a gimmick, i tell ya! Bc if they eradicated head lice, companies such as Rid and Nix would not need to exist. So, for the love of money, we must suffer through these bouts of lice. And everything i read and have been told (even by health department) says that lice are becoming resistant to the shampoos. Yet, there is a website, where for a mere 77.00 you can purchase a lice killing kit for one person's use. A family kit only costs 111.00. It is guaranteed to work or your money back. But wait there's more! Order now and we will throw in a free frying pan (to beat yourself over the head with). Ok, ok, no it doesn't have the "but wait...." stuff on the site. But, i do wonder if it really works. I mean, i have spent more than $111 as it is. And it didn't work and nobody is giving me my money back. Walmart said something about their return policy doesn't apply to open and used merchandise. Doh! JK. I have to say though, that vinegar made her hair soooo silky and soft. I think i shall use it in my hair tomorrow. Then, i can smell like a Summer's Eve douche! LOL. I am adding the humor here, but really, folks, im not feelin it! It is merely for your reading entertainment purposes only!
So anyway, Im tired and feel awfully defeated. I think i will keep her home from school all next week to try to get this under control. My thursday will be spent vaccumming, laundry, nit-picking, and garbage bag stuffing and hair pulling.
She is sleeping on the couch right nex to the computer desk and as I glance over at her, I must tell you, she looks absolutely divine. I can't believe she is the same child who through such a horrendous fit at Kroger that I wanted to leave her there!
Well, it's bed time. Last time i was in our bedroom, rounding clothes and bedding up, Jeremy was sprawled across the entire bed, sideways. So, i can just imagine the fun I will have trying to get into bed. I think I'll opt for the couch tonight. he sleeps like a dead log and can't be budged most of the time. And i certainly don't have the energy or strength to try to push him over so i can get in bed.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
a new designer is in town
LOL. Ok, maybe not really. But, i must say first, that my sister designed her own wedding dress. She had an idea of what she wanted and couldn't find anything that was even close enough to settle on. So, she started sketching what she wanted and now our Aunt Bev is going to make the dress.
Well, as I had posted before, i had found a pattern for a top that I loved. And we then found the exact color of fabric we needed in the clearance section for 1.00 a yard. So, we figured we could have my dress made as well. I mean, we got the pattern for the top for 2.88 or something like that and that only requires like 3 yds for the top. So, then not much more for the skirt part. Well, then, we thought it may be a bit much for aunt bev to make her dress and mine, so we went looking today. YOu know, they just don't make any formals for fat girls. All those dresses are designed with a size 6 in mind. I am sorry, but even someone wearing a size 16 doesn't want their chunk sticking out while they stand in front of lots of ppl in the church. My very plus size ass really don't want my chunk sticking out everywhere up there. LOL. It seems strange that as the media and news and whatever blasts out that "America is getting fatter" the clothing lines seem to ignore this fact. It is thrown in our faces all the time that we have such high obesity rates, yet there is no clothing for us fat people. The lady at hte dress shop said that she can't keep plus size dresses on the racks. She said that most of her brides are size 18 and up. Yet, the dressmakers forget the fat people. We truly are invisible, unless someone wants to sneer, make jokes or otherwise poke fun at us, or condemn us for being fat. So, i told Carrie that she should design dresses specifically for fat girls. You know,s omething that accentuates the breasts maybe, flows freely over the belly, doesn't cling skin tight to the hips.....ya get my drift. In a material that isn't clingy, but rather free flowing. No low backs that show the butt crack if you happen to bend over.....yeah they make dresses like that. OMG! I was like, that back is too low. I wear granny panties that probably come up higher than that....lol. OK, so that was a bit of a joke, but still, it was very low in the back. N obody wants to see my rolls on my back. I promise, they don't.
Well, anyway, after A. Bev read my post about going dress shopping, she emailed to say that she thought she was making my dress! Well, it would be ideal! I just don't want her being overwhelmed. Carrie's dress is most important and we don't want to put her under pressure. But, we may decide to go that route, if she is sure she is up to it. It would be much easier. Then, we could have carrie go back to the sketch pad and draw up something nice, that will match her wedding theme, and yet not leave me to stand at the front of the church looking like a fat cow. LOL. Ya know, i don't have the fear of sleeveless, like a lot of women do. But, by Gosh, please cover and conceal my rolls! I know I have worked effortlessly to put them there, but please, for the love of mankind, cover that stuff up!
So, I will keep everyone updated on the dress progress! I did find 2 dresses that I could maybe wear half decently. But, the other issue is, there is no way to try said dresses on until i have paid for and ordered them. That scares me. It's ok for slim girls to do that. but us fat girls need to see how that dress is gonna hang, cling and show off our faults. lol.
Onto the next item ...lol. After going to the dress shop, we had to go back to my parents' so mom could switch vehicles, bc dad needed the car for work. Well, we get inside and before I could even wipe my feet, dad asked me, "How are the kids doing and how are you doing?" Hmmmm...that's his way of making ammends. He's also being very nice to mom. The tires keep going low/flat on the van, so while we were out, he took it to the tire shop and got all new tires on it. N othing says "I'm sorry and I love you" like a set of brand new tires...hehehe.
Well, im off here for now. Gonna try to get to bed early. Mother in law (Chris) called earlier asking if i could bring a bunch of stuff to her in the am. Ya know...the shampoo isn't exactly top rate in those places...lol.
Well, as I had posted before, i had found a pattern for a top that I loved. And we then found the exact color of fabric we needed in the clearance section for 1.00 a yard. So, we figured we could have my dress made as well. I mean, we got the pattern for the top for 2.88 or something like that and that only requires like 3 yds for the top. So, then not much more for the skirt part. Well, then, we thought it may be a bit much for aunt bev to make her dress and mine, so we went looking today. YOu know, they just don't make any formals for fat girls. All those dresses are designed with a size 6 in mind. I am sorry, but even someone wearing a size 16 doesn't want their chunk sticking out while they stand in front of lots of ppl in the church. My very plus size ass really don't want my chunk sticking out everywhere up there. LOL. It seems strange that as the media and news and whatever blasts out that "America is getting fatter" the clothing lines seem to ignore this fact. It is thrown in our faces all the time that we have such high obesity rates, yet there is no clothing for us fat people. The lady at hte dress shop said that she can't keep plus size dresses on the racks. She said that most of her brides are size 18 and up. Yet, the dressmakers forget the fat people. We truly are invisible, unless someone wants to sneer, make jokes or otherwise poke fun at us, or condemn us for being fat. So, i told Carrie that she should design dresses specifically for fat girls. You know,s omething that accentuates the breasts maybe, flows freely over the belly, doesn't cling skin tight to the hips.....ya get my drift. In a material that isn't clingy, but rather free flowing. No low backs that show the butt crack if you happen to bend over.....yeah they make dresses like that. OMG! I was like, that back is too low. I wear granny panties that probably come up higher than that....lol. OK, so that was a bit of a joke, but still, it was very low in the back. N obody wants to see my rolls on my back. I promise, they don't.
Well, anyway, after A. Bev read my post about going dress shopping, she emailed to say that she thought she was making my dress! Well, it would be ideal! I just don't want her being overwhelmed. Carrie's dress is most important and we don't want to put her under pressure. But, we may decide to go that route, if she is sure she is up to it. It would be much easier. Then, we could have carrie go back to the sketch pad and draw up something nice, that will match her wedding theme, and yet not leave me to stand at the front of the church looking like a fat cow. LOL. Ya know, i don't have the fear of sleeveless, like a lot of women do. But, by Gosh, please cover and conceal my rolls! I know I have worked effortlessly to put them there, but please, for the love of mankind, cover that stuff up!
So, I will keep everyone updated on the dress progress! I did find 2 dresses that I could maybe wear half decently. But, the other issue is, there is no way to try said dresses on until i have paid for and ordered them. That scares me. It's ok for slim girls to do that. but us fat girls need to see how that dress is gonna hang, cling and show off our faults. lol.
Onto the next item ...lol. After going to the dress shop, we had to go back to my parents' so mom could switch vehicles, bc dad needed the car for work. Well, we get inside and before I could even wipe my feet, dad asked me, "How are the kids doing and how are you doing?" Hmmmm...that's his way of making ammends. He's also being very nice to mom. The tires keep going low/flat on the van, so while we were out, he took it to the tire shop and got all new tires on it. N othing says "I'm sorry and I love you" like a set of brand new tires...hehehe.
Well, im off here for now. Gonna try to get to bed early. Mother in law (Chris) called earlier asking if i could bring a bunch of stuff to her in the am. Ya know...the shampoo isn't exactly top rate in those places...lol.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Shame on me
i feel bad bc when i took the stuff up to the hospital for mother in law, i didn't stay. Of course, i got there just before they came in to take her for a chest xray. But, i had a migraine, exhaustion, puffy eyes/face and just wanted to be home, curled up. I feel bad that she had no visitors today, but then, i guess i can't take responsibility for everyone. Her mom and sisters know where she is as well, so it shouldn't rest all on me to keep her company. I paid my fair share of family dues in being with her 12 straight hours last night.
Tomorrow, mom and sis want me to go to a dress shop with them bc we have to pick out dresses for the wedding. So, i need to figure out a sitter. Hauling 2 kids around to dress shops wll not be any fun for anyone. They will get tired and cranky and we will get frustrated. ANd I think it's just what i need...some girl time..without any kids. Well, not to mention, its just something that we have to get done. LOL.
Well, i think im ready to turn in for the night. Lord knows i need my rest! Wish us luck on the dress expedition!
Tomorrow, mom and sis want me to go to a dress shop with them bc we have to pick out dresses for the wedding. So, i need to figure out a sitter. Hauling 2 kids around to dress shops wll not be any fun for anyone. They will get tired and cranky and we will get frustrated. ANd I think it's just what i need...some girl time..without any kids. Well, not to mention, its just something that we have to get done. LOL.
Well, i think im ready to turn in for the night. Lord knows i need my rest! Wish us luck on the dress expedition!
What gives
So, The weekend of the 19th, I found a bug in Makenneh's hair. Great! I wanted to just break down and cry. I knew of all the money and hard work this would involve. I sat here on the verge of tears as Jeremy tried to reassure me that it was going to be ok. Easy for him to say, he had no idea of the work involved to treat for head lice. It was like 1am and she had woke up from sleep bc her head was itching. So, off to walmart i trapsed to spend money we didn't have on head lice treatment. it came to over 30.00. That was going with the Store brand. Well, I came home, got some sleep and woke up to clean, shampoo heads, pick nits/lice, clean some more. I had mountains of laundry to do, bagged up all the stuffed animals and set them outside in the frigid cold. it took all weekend and hten some to catch up on the laundry this created. Put all the hair things in boiling water, sprayed the furniture and beds with lice spray...u name it. Well, the following weekend, i found another bug in Makenneh's hair. This time i was fit to be tied. We had money this time, as we got our income tax return back, but it still was a lot of work. So, i called the health department to find out what all i needed to do, if i was doing anything wrong or missing anything. Because, i was determined not to go through this mess again. The nurse at the health department said that all that cleaning isnt really necessary as lice won't live with out a host. If a lice comes unattached from the hair, it is either injured and dying or already dead. She explained that they have 6 legs with a claw on the end of each leg that is used for clinging to the hair. She said they don't jump and don't even really run fast. They are transmitted through head to head contact. Hmmmm. She told me that what i was experiencing was the eggs hatching from the first infestation. She said to go through her hair and pick out every nit. Great...if you have never had to deal with head lice (lucky you), these nits are very small and often go unseen without a high watt bulb and magnifying glass. So anyway, i had called my mom and asked her to go to walmart and pick up the treatment and also the robi comb which is an electronic comb that detects and kills lice. i figured this would make it easier for going through her hair. Have you ever tried to have a 3 yr old sit still for a half hour or so, while you go through their hair with a fine tooth comb, literally speaking? It isn't easy, i tell ya. Well, i decided to reshampoo her even though the nurse said to just concentrate on the nits. I just didn't want to risk it. I wanted the bugs gone. So, i picked through her hair, combed through with the robi comb, until all came up clean, then shampooed her again. Then, i checked sebs hair, which was clean. I then ran that blasted comb through my hair. My hair is curly and tangly and omg, i would rather have a tooth pulled than go through that. We still put any used bedding in the dryer (bc btw, my washer puked after all the laundry from the first go round), and still put all the toys bag in bags and out in the cold, where they still are, i might add.
Then, saturday, the kids stayed at my uncles. The next day, Sunday (yesterday), i went to my moms and we had planned on doing some shopping. My uncle siad the kids would be fine there and I thought it would be nice for mom and i to get out just the two of us. WE went to the grocery store first and then as we were close to her house, i mentioned doing lunch. So, we headed into Clio to get gas and then to lunch. That's when Jeremy called about his mom. So, read the previous post for that story.
FAst foward to today. I get up to my phone ringing. It's my mother in law. she sounds better, but needs me to bring her some things and also wanted to remind me to get the important documents she had in her apartment over to the complex office. So, i jump in shower and off i go. I called moma nd told her after i took care of Chris's business, i would be there to get the kids so she could go shopping with my sister. I get to my mom's and was just visiting for a little bit. then, dad calls out....Mooom....guess what i just found? UGh...i bug in my baby's hair! Yes, in sebastians fine white hair. I just broke. I sat down and sobbed. I was emotionally, mentally adn physically exhausted and now this! I asked makenneh to sit down so i could go through her hair. she made a huge production and kept arguing with me. Yes, i snapped. God forbid, i snapped. I didn't do anything extreme, but i grabbed her firmly and planted her ass on the seat and yelled that she would sit and let me to do this...through clenched teeth and sobs. So, dad yelled at me for that...Jesus Christ, Christina, just relax...blah blah blah. THen, mom piped up to him that i just spent 12 hrs in er and haven't had much sleep and that im exhausted. Something only another mom can truly understand. He just keeps going and going, running his mouth. I don't know how else to explain it. He gets on tyrades where he just bitches and rants and raves. I hate them. So, mom steps outside and I get makenneh to cooperate a bit. he has to come into the front room and say more shit. I don't even remember all of it. But, i do remember biting back that she should have had her head gone through yesterday for nit check. He said, well then you should have brought the stuff over then. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? I think to myself. I said instead, through sobs (this man always seems to know how to cut to the very core of a person)....IM SORRY BUT I DIDN'T PLAN ON GOING TO THE ER. i DIDNT' PLAN ON SPENDING 12 HOURS THERE. I didn't know thats how my day w2ould go. Somehow, he still thought i should have forseen this emergency and brought the stuff with me. Which btw, there is no "stuff" needed, just a damn light and magnifying glass if you have one. Then, he said, all you had to do was speak up...we could have gotten it or something. "IM SORRY, HEADLICE WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND LAST NIGHT,". And he came back with, "Yeah, ok whatever!" He seriously thinks im an incompetant, stupid, irresponsible parent/person. Then, he tells me that I have problems. big problems and the nits aren't the problem. And i need help. Im fucked up. DUH! I suffer from depression! I am supposed to be on meds. I am not on said meds. Hah, now smart ass, tell me something i don't know. That's what i think now, but at the time, his words broke me.
I grabbed my kids and our stuff quick as shit and headed for the door. I am an adult and don't have to deal with his verbal abuse. I can leave. I have my own home to go to. Mom had come in and tried telling me to leave the kids there so i could go home and sleep. I told her no way. I was taking me and my messed up kids home. He did all this in front of my kids. He belittled me, raged at me and said those awful things to me IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. So, i went out to load the kids in the car. Mom was on my heels to help me. she knew i was hurt and angry. She didn't really want me driving but i assured her i would be fine. I backed out of the driveway and called jeremy. I cried and cried, i sobbed to him. He wanted me to pull over but i toldi couldn't. I had to get home. as the crying got worse, i knew it was best for my kids for me to pull over, so i pulled into the church driveway at hte first intersection. I sat there and just cried. I just wanted to get home to him. TO have him hug me and make it all better. But, as long as i was crying myself into convulsions, i knew i couldn't drive. So, i let him go so i could try to calm down. I get back on the road and ever few minutes let out sobs. I wanted to run somewhere. I wanted to be held. I wanted to vent. I wanted my aunt Dawn. I yelled at God again for taking her from me. She was always my safe haven when i needed one. And i needed one now. I wanted so bad to turn around and just go cry at her grave. But, i knew i had to get the kids home and safely. I decided against taking the expressway bc i was in no condition to drive at that fast of a speed. So, as i was coming up to a 4way stop, i look in my rear view mirror and saw my mom, in the van, coming up behind me. I lost it again, bc i just knew that they had gotten into a fight. I called jeremy again, crying and told him. He tried to get me to pull off the road agian, but i just wanted to be home. I hung up and called mom and asked what she was doing. ALthough, i knew the answer. She said she was following me and i just left it at that. I got home and we both sat in our vehicles for a minute. JEremy came out to get the kids for me and I went to the van. Mom was just crying. I told her to come in the house. We got in here and after we had calmed down a bit, i asked her what happened. Sure enough, she had gone back in the house to get her boots and coats to follow me (bc she knew i shouldn't be driving) and he came out and laid into her with his verbal assault. He needed money and if she couldn't give it to him right now, then he wanted to check book, credit cards and blah blah. And she just spends his money and this nad that and even raised his fist to her. I dont know if its his old age (gee, he isnt that old at 46, but hear me out), but He seems to wanna get physical anymore. A year or so ago, he pushed her down so hard she hurt her shoulder and still has trouble with it bc she wouldn't go in to the doc for it. She didn't wanna tell the doc how it happened. In that fight, a picture frame had even gotten broken bc when he pushed her she flew and landed against stuff and it fell and broke. Anyway, when he raised his fist she told him to go ahead and hit her. Oh but lets not forget that he told her she was messed up too. WTF, everyone is messed up but him. And he misses no bones about telling us how fucked up we are, yet he is against counseling and medication for our fucked up heads. go figure. perhaps, he wants those around him to be "fucked up" so he can feel superior. I feel awful even typing this, but I don't understand him. I sometimes wonder if he just wants to die a lonely old man. He cannot treat those he loves like this and expect that it is ok. How would he feel if Jeremy were to talk to me like that, or raise a fist to me, or push me around? Would that be ok? Is he being the type of man he wants his son in laws to be? I wonder. He needs help. He needs to get his anger and/or suppressed feelings out. They are going to ruin his life if he continues to let them run his life. he is a very stubborn man and seems to think he is somehow superior to others at times. I don't know why he has to be like that, but i don't like it. I don't like he thinks he has all the answers to life's problems from his seat on the couch.
anyway, my mother in law still is waiting for her stuff and her battery is dead on her cell phone. I need to pull myself together and take care of that. So, im off here.
Then, saturday, the kids stayed at my uncles. The next day, Sunday (yesterday), i went to my moms and we had planned on doing some shopping. My uncle siad the kids would be fine there and I thought it would be nice for mom and i to get out just the two of us. WE went to the grocery store first and then as we were close to her house, i mentioned doing lunch. So, we headed into Clio to get gas and then to lunch. That's when Jeremy called about his mom. So, read the previous post for that story.
FAst foward to today. I get up to my phone ringing. It's my mother in law. she sounds better, but needs me to bring her some things and also wanted to remind me to get the important documents she had in her apartment over to the complex office. So, i jump in shower and off i go. I called moma nd told her after i took care of Chris's business, i would be there to get the kids so she could go shopping with my sister. I get to my mom's and was just visiting for a little bit. then, dad calls out....Mooom....guess what i just found? UGh...i bug in my baby's hair! Yes, in sebastians fine white hair. I just broke. I sat down and sobbed. I was emotionally, mentally adn physically exhausted and now this! I asked makenneh to sit down so i could go through her hair. she made a huge production and kept arguing with me. Yes, i snapped. God forbid, i snapped. I didn't do anything extreme, but i grabbed her firmly and planted her ass on the seat and yelled that she would sit and let me to do this...through clenched teeth and sobs. So, dad yelled at me for that...Jesus Christ, Christina, just relax...blah blah blah. THen, mom piped up to him that i just spent 12 hrs in er and haven't had much sleep and that im exhausted. Something only another mom can truly understand. He just keeps going and going, running his mouth. I don't know how else to explain it. He gets on tyrades where he just bitches and rants and raves. I hate them. So, mom steps outside and I get makenneh to cooperate a bit. he has to come into the front room and say more shit. I don't even remember all of it. But, i do remember biting back that she should have had her head gone through yesterday for nit check. He said, well then you should have brought the stuff over then. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? I think to myself. I said instead, through sobs (this man always seems to know how to cut to the very core of a person)....IM SORRY BUT I DIDN'T PLAN ON GOING TO THE ER. i DIDNT' PLAN ON SPENDING 12 HOURS THERE. I didn't know thats how my day w2ould go. Somehow, he still thought i should have forseen this emergency and brought the stuff with me. Which btw, there is no "stuff" needed, just a damn light and magnifying glass if you have one. Then, he said, all you had to do was speak up...we could have gotten it or something. "IM SORRY, HEADLICE WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND LAST NIGHT,". And he came back with, "Yeah, ok whatever!" He seriously thinks im an incompetant, stupid, irresponsible parent/person. Then, he tells me that I have problems. big problems and the nits aren't the problem. And i need help. Im fucked up. DUH! I suffer from depression! I am supposed to be on meds. I am not on said meds. Hah, now smart ass, tell me something i don't know. That's what i think now, but at the time, his words broke me.
I grabbed my kids and our stuff quick as shit and headed for the door. I am an adult and don't have to deal with his verbal abuse. I can leave. I have my own home to go to. Mom had come in and tried telling me to leave the kids there so i could go home and sleep. I told her no way. I was taking me and my messed up kids home. He did all this in front of my kids. He belittled me, raged at me and said those awful things to me IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. So, i went out to load the kids in the car. Mom was on my heels to help me. she knew i was hurt and angry. She didn't really want me driving but i assured her i would be fine. I backed out of the driveway and called jeremy. I cried and cried, i sobbed to him. He wanted me to pull over but i toldi couldn't. I had to get home. as the crying got worse, i knew it was best for my kids for me to pull over, so i pulled into the church driveway at hte first intersection. I sat there and just cried. I just wanted to get home to him. TO have him hug me and make it all better. But, as long as i was crying myself into convulsions, i knew i couldn't drive. So, i let him go so i could try to calm down. I get back on the road and ever few minutes let out sobs. I wanted to run somewhere. I wanted to be held. I wanted to vent. I wanted my aunt Dawn. I yelled at God again for taking her from me. She was always my safe haven when i needed one. And i needed one now. I wanted so bad to turn around and just go cry at her grave. But, i knew i had to get the kids home and safely. I decided against taking the expressway bc i was in no condition to drive at that fast of a speed. So, as i was coming up to a 4way stop, i look in my rear view mirror and saw my mom, in the van, coming up behind me. I lost it again, bc i just knew that they had gotten into a fight. I called jeremy again, crying and told him. He tried to get me to pull off the road agian, but i just wanted to be home. I hung up and called mom and asked what she was doing. ALthough, i knew the answer. She said she was following me and i just left it at that. I got home and we both sat in our vehicles for a minute. JEremy came out to get the kids for me and I went to the van. Mom was just crying. I told her to come in the house. We got in here and after we had calmed down a bit, i asked her what happened. Sure enough, she had gone back in the house to get her boots and coats to follow me (bc she knew i shouldn't be driving) and he came out and laid into her with his verbal assault. He needed money and if she couldn't give it to him right now, then he wanted to check book, credit cards and blah blah. And she just spends his money and this nad that and even raised his fist to her. I dont know if its his old age (gee, he isnt that old at 46, but hear me out), but He seems to wanna get physical anymore. A year or so ago, he pushed her down so hard she hurt her shoulder and still has trouble with it bc she wouldn't go in to the doc for it. She didn't wanna tell the doc how it happened. In that fight, a picture frame had even gotten broken bc when he pushed her she flew and landed against stuff and it fell and broke. Anyway, when he raised his fist she told him to go ahead and hit her. Oh but lets not forget that he told her she was messed up too. WTF, everyone is messed up but him. And he misses no bones about telling us how fucked up we are, yet he is against counseling and medication for our fucked up heads. go figure. perhaps, he wants those around him to be "fucked up" so he can feel superior. I feel awful even typing this, but I don't understand him. I sometimes wonder if he just wants to die a lonely old man. He cannot treat those he loves like this and expect that it is ok. How would he feel if Jeremy were to talk to me like that, or raise a fist to me, or push me around? Would that be ok? Is he being the type of man he wants his son in laws to be? I wonder. He needs help. He needs to get his anger and/or suppressed feelings out. They are going to ruin his life if he continues to let them run his life. he is a very stubborn man and seems to think he is somehow superior to others at times. I don't know why he has to be like that, but i don't like it. I don't like he thinks he has all the answers to life's problems from his seat on the couch.
anyway, my mother in law still is waiting for her stuff and her battery is dead on her cell phone. I need to pull myself together and take care of that. So, im off here.
What a long day
Mom and i were heading out for a late lunch around 3pm when Jeremy called. His grandma had called him to tell him that his mom was having trouble breathing and wanted someone to go check on her. So, seems how mom and i were near her place, we stopped in. OMG....we got htere and she was a mess. She was breathing so hard, it was like a fish out of water or something. My mom and I quickly decided that we had to call an ambulance. Of course, the look of sheer terror on my mom's face as she flashed back 10 + years to her own mom having these bad breathing spells, was enough to put me over the edge. The ambulance got there and requested an emt to meet them en route to the hospital. My car was at my moms, jeremy was home wihtout a car, so we decided for me to go with my mom back to her place to get my car and pick jeremy up, while the ambulance took his mom to the hospital. But wait, it gets even better:
She only has a county sponsored health plan (for low incomes). it doesn't cover ER visits or anything. So, the ambulance driver asks what hospital. We tell him her insurance situation and he assures us it doesn' tmatter what hospital she goes to. We always thought that with no insurance, your best bet was Hurley, the state funded hospital, bc they cannot turn anyone away for no insurance. Well, seems how driver said it didn't matter, she said Mclaren, bc that's where her dr works through. Well, BIG FAT MISTAKE! They gave her a breathing treatment en route, hooked an iv up and when she got to the hospital, they ran a ct scan and chest xray, drew blood, yada yada. mind you, this takes place at a very slow rate and over several hours. Then, after almost 5 hours in this place, and telling us she has pnumonia and one lung was full of fluid, the other half full, they write a Rx for an antibiotic, tylenol 3 (bc every trip to er warrants a pain med anyway, its standard...lol) and an albuteral inhaler. They freakin discharge her!!!! Well, she is still breathing like a fish out of water and after a call to gma (her mom), we decide to take her to hurley..bc there is no way she is in any shape to be home alone.
So, we get to hurley. They had to rerun all those tests and everything, but they were appalled that mclaren discharged her, bc just in the 15 min drive btwn hospitals, her O2 saturation was 79% and that is horribly low. They called a resperatory therapist in right away and started her on breathing treatments. When the doc came in, he said they would probably admit her, bc she was running a fever, and even during a breathing treatment her O2 sats were still only at like 94% at best. So, they had to wait for her doc to answer their page, to find out they had to page the oncall doc, etc. By the time that was said and done, we learned that they had to transport her back to mclaren for ins. reasons. Yippee. They can't take care of a freakin rat there, it seems. Even after hurley knew she was being moved to a diff hospital, they continued to treat her, medicate her, etc. I was amazed. Well, after 12 hours of this fiasco, the ambulance finally arrived to take her to McLaren. My poor jeremy was sleeping on the cold hard nasty floors bc he was so exhausted. So, she said it would be fine for us to go home and get some rest and she would be ok. I was a bit hesitant, bc i dont know what kinda treatment she is gonna get at that damned hospital. I tell ya though, gma was ready to rip them a new rear end when they discharged her. They don't wanna mess with that hot headed polish mamma! LOL. I am completely exhausted, yet my adrenaline is too high for sleep. I certainly had some lessons in patient advocacy. Geesh. After about 10 hours, i was just plain fed up with the whole ordeal. She is sick. It didn't take a medical degree for me to recognize this. We called a damned ambulance, knowing she will be billed for it. Trust me, she is sick. Make her better.
I have to get in the morning and take care of some business for her, work related. I know i should be in bed. I realized today that when it comes to her care, it is going to primarily fall on my shoulders. She has two sons. Jeremy has to work and michael is 20 mins away without a car and has college and work. That leaves me. Well her mom, but gma is in her 60s and just can't do a whole lot. I have to go clean her apartment bc it is a mess. She was sick for a week, prior to getting this bad. I hate to clean. Don't ppl know this! Look at my own place. It's a heap of junk piles, dust, toys and clothes. Don't forget hte sink full of dishes. But, if i don't do it, she is going to attempt it and get worse. im sure they will discharge her tomorrow, so it has to be done.
well, thinking of that has worn me right out. LOL. I do need to try to rest my weary head.
She only has a county sponsored health plan (for low incomes). it doesn't cover ER visits or anything. So, the ambulance driver asks what hospital. We tell him her insurance situation and he assures us it doesn' tmatter what hospital she goes to. We always thought that with no insurance, your best bet was Hurley, the state funded hospital, bc they cannot turn anyone away for no insurance. Well, seems how driver said it didn't matter, she said Mclaren, bc that's where her dr works through. Well, BIG FAT MISTAKE! They gave her a breathing treatment en route, hooked an iv up and when she got to the hospital, they ran a ct scan and chest xray, drew blood, yada yada. mind you, this takes place at a very slow rate and over several hours. Then, after almost 5 hours in this place, and telling us she has pnumonia and one lung was full of fluid, the other half full, they write a Rx for an antibiotic, tylenol 3 (bc every trip to er warrants a pain med anyway, its standard...lol) and an albuteral inhaler. They freakin discharge her!!!! Well, she is still breathing like a fish out of water and after a call to gma (her mom), we decide to take her to hurley..bc there is no way she is in any shape to be home alone.
So, we get to hurley. They had to rerun all those tests and everything, but they were appalled that mclaren discharged her, bc just in the 15 min drive btwn hospitals, her O2 saturation was 79% and that is horribly low. They called a resperatory therapist in right away and started her on breathing treatments. When the doc came in, he said they would probably admit her, bc she was running a fever, and even during a breathing treatment her O2 sats were still only at like 94% at best. So, they had to wait for her doc to answer their page, to find out they had to page the oncall doc, etc. By the time that was said and done, we learned that they had to transport her back to mclaren for ins. reasons. Yippee. They can't take care of a freakin rat there, it seems. Even after hurley knew she was being moved to a diff hospital, they continued to treat her, medicate her, etc. I was amazed. Well, after 12 hours of this fiasco, the ambulance finally arrived to take her to McLaren. My poor jeremy was sleeping on the cold hard nasty floors bc he was so exhausted. So, she said it would be fine for us to go home and get some rest and she would be ok. I was a bit hesitant, bc i dont know what kinda treatment she is gonna get at that damned hospital. I tell ya though, gma was ready to rip them a new rear end when they discharged her. They don't wanna mess with that hot headed polish mamma! LOL. I am completely exhausted, yet my adrenaline is too high for sleep. I certainly had some lessons in patient advocacy. Geesh. After about 10 hours, i was just plain fed up with the whole ordeal. She is sick. It didn't take a medical degree for me to recognize this. We called a damned ambulance, knowing she will be billed for it. Trust me, she is sick. Make her better.
I have to get in the morning and take care of some business for her, work related. I know i should be in bed. I realized today that when it comes to her care, it is going to primarily fall on my shoulders. She has two sons. Jeremy has to work and michael is 20 mins away without a car and has college and work. That leaves me. Well her mom, but gma is in her 60s and just can't do a whole lot. I have to go clean her apartment bc it is a mess. She was sick for a week, prior to getting this bad. I hate to clean. Don't ppl know this! Look at my own place. It's a heap of junk piles, dust, toys and clothes. Don't forget hte sink full of dishes. But, if i don't do it, she is going to attempt it and get worse. im sure they will discharge her tomorrow, so it has to be done.
well, thinking of that has worn me right out. LOL. I do need to try to rest my weary head.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I'm Back!
Finally! We got the internet back on today! It's nice to be back. Tonight's post will probably be short, because I am tired and ready for bed. The kids stayed the night with my Uncle and cousins and so it's my chance to just drop in bed and sleep until i am ready to get up. Of course, i could also utilize the time to clean and get things done around here, but what the heck!
Well, im off to bed, but i will be back tomorrow, probably! lol
Well, im off to bed, but i will be back tomorrow, probably! lol
Monday, January 22, 2007
Another quickie
I know, I know, enough with the quickies! But, for now, they will have to do. I will be getting internet back very very soon, like this week sometime, hopefully.
We got our taxes done today and will have that money by thursday. I am so excited! Get to pay off bills and start out fresh. woohooo!
We haven't caught anymore mice...just the 2. Also, no traces (turds) to be found! I am glad about that. We got a kitty though friday. He is just a baby...7 wks old. He is black with bits of white in there and oh so fluffy! Makenneh decided to name him B-I-N-G-O! LOL. She spells it out when you ask her his name. OF course, she doesn't spell it clear and it's absolutely cute to hear her say it.
Geesh, it seems like there is always so much to say when im at home or out (think, ooh i will have to post about this), yet when i actually get a chance to type on here, i forget. Hmmmm.
Still trying to figure out dates for all these showers we have coming up...have to work around open houses and weddings and all that good stuff. Sometimes it seems just absolutely overwhelming. I think we finally have settled on dates though. Whew!
My fafsa is finished, just waiting for SAR to come. I can't wait to actually go sign up for classes and get started.
Today we got some sad news. My uncle Ken went to the dentist today and the dentist told him that he has to get into a doctor because the two spots on his face look like they are cancerous. I don't know the exact details, but it's just so crazy. And I said 07 was gonna be a good year. HE has no health insurance and so the dentist gave him a number to a clinic. But, if it is indeed skin cancer, it will be a huge bill...hopefully he will be able to gte some medicaid to cover the expenses. Please keep him in your prayers. Hopefully it's just something that can be removed and taken care of easily.
My uncle Mark got the job in AZ and will be leaving Feb. 5. Mis and the kids will be following shortly.
Yeah, i know, i said another quickie, yet it is becoming quite long. Well, i guess i will get off here and finish the things i need to do on here and let the crazy teen back online. Her ims are blinking and she is itching to get back to her friends.
We got our taxes done today and will have that money by thursday. I am so excited! Get to pay off bills and start out fresh. woohooo!
We haven't caught anymore mice...just the 2. Also, no traces (turds) to be found! I am glad about that. We got a kitty though friday. He is just a baby...7 wks old. He is black with bits of white in there and oh so fluffy! Makenneh decided to name him B-I-N-G-O! LOL. She spells it out when you ask her his name. OF course, she doesn't spell it clear and it's absolutely cute to hear her say it.
Geesh, it seems like there is always so much to say when im at home or out (think, ooh i will have to post about this), yet when i actually get a chance to type on here, i forget. Hmmmm.
Still trying to figure out dates for all these showers we have coming up...have to work around open houses and weddings and all that good stuff. Sometimes it seems just absolutely overwhelming. I think we finally have settled on dates though. Whew!
My fafsa is finished, just waiting for SAR to come. I can't wait to actually go sign up for classes and get started.
Today we got some sad news. My uncle Ken went to the dentist today and the dentist told him that he has to get into a doctor because the two spots on his face look like they are cancerous. I don't know the exact details, but it's just so crazy. And I said 07 was gonna be a good year. HE has no health insurance and so the dentist gave him a number to a clinic. But, if it is indeed skin cancer, it will be a huge bill...hopefully he will be able to gte some medicaid to cover the expenses. Please keep him in your prayers. Hopefully it's just something that can be removed and taken care of easily.
My uncle Mark got the job in AZ and will be leaving Feb. 5. Mis and the kids will be following shortly.
Yeah, i know, i said another quickie, yet it is becoming quite long. Well, i guess i will get off here and finish the things i need to do on here and let the crazy teen back online. Her ims are blinking and she is itching to get back to her friends.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Hmmmm
Well, i just finished my financial aid application. Hopefully it all goes through and Ill be all set to start school later this year. I would love to start now, but i just didn't decide soon enough. Oh well. At least the ball is rolling. I am so excited about it.
There really isn't much else to talk about.
Oh wait there is! We had a damn mouse in our house! I don't know if i told you guys this or not. Ewwww. Well, yesterday we bought two different traps..the old traditional snap! gotcha kinda traps and then some glue traps. I know, most ppl say not to use the glue traps, but i wanted this mouse caught and i am no good with those old style traps. So, i sat out two traps last night....around 11pm i went to my kitchen and there the mouse was, scurrying across my counter. I blocked him in the corner with a glue trap on either side of his escape routes. I knew he could climb over the traps, but was hoping he would be curious (and dumb) enough to go through them. Well, it worked, right before my eyes. ANd unfortunately, before Makenneh's eyes too! So, he steps into the glue and is instantly stuck like crazy. He can't go anywhere. The traps have an anesthetic in it, so i could tell it was working almost immediately. And wouldn't ya know that dirty bastard had to just sit and stare at me, as if to guilt me for doing this to him! So, i sent Makenneh to get Jeremy....bc i didn't want to grab the trap and the mouse, to be honest. HE came out, threw mouse and trap in a garbage bag and i set him out! I know, how horrible to allow him to die a miserable death, but he was anesthesizes (however you spell it)...lol. I am sorry, but yesterday, i went to get a kitchen towel from my drawer and htey were covered in mouse turds; went to put my dishes away that my cousin so graciously washed for me earlier that day, found mouse turds all over the towel and dish drainer..i was fit to be tied. IT is so disgusting and so much work..i had to bleach everything...all my silverware, all the dishes in the drainer, all the things in my drawers, my counters, stove, etc. I do not want to go through that work again! It's rediculous. NOt to mention, it just feels so nasty and dirty to know that a mouse has been crawling around defecating wherever he felt fit. How gross! I am really thinking about getting a cat. I would rather change a litter box than have rodent poop all over my kitchen and never feel clean. Thank you very much!
Well, Makenneh had the day off today, in observance of Martin Luther King Day. THen the stinker gets next monday off for some teacher in service day or whatever they call it. all these short school weeks, wth!
She is growing up so much. We have implemented the good girl stick program..lol, and it seems to be helping. aNd I have had good luck with getting her to ask nicely for things when she wants them, rather than demand them. I hope she keeps it up. It is so much better to do things for her when she is asking nicely. I also created a reward list so that she has choices of rewards when she gets her 5 sticks. THey are just simple things like 10 mins on the computer, extra 10 mins before bed, extra bed time story, etc. But im sure they are things that will motivate her to do her best.
She is also learning so much so fast. Some is good...well, some is not so good. She informed us that was PISSED last night. LOL. She heard dad say it and she decided that she felt the same way. We don't yell at her for this. WE just tell her that ____ isn't a nice word but she can use _____ instead. It seems to work. I think the more taboo we make words seem, the more appeal they have in a child's eye.
She has been writing some letters, saying most of her alphabet and it seems she knows more each day. I don't know that she will ever have her alphabet down though. She just hasn't been interested in learning it yet. I have sang the alphabet song to her since birth..yet she refused, for so long, to try to say them. Now she will go up to h or i, depending. Im sure she will get it and before too long. Im not going to force it and make it a miserable learning experience for her. She has just enough zest to learn and i don't want to stomp on it. She asks questions, she carries on conversations, she tries, she is getting it.
Sebastian did better last night with the screaming. It wasn't nearly as long winded. I think he only cried for a half hour and it wasn't the high pitched, blood curdling screams he was doing. Thank God for that! HE has also turned into a jabber-whacky. He is always saying something or another in mumble jumble. He is also saying more and more words and answering questions like are you hungry? do you want a drink, etc.
Well, im off here for now...to finish up on here and get the troops rounded up and out!
There really isn't much else to talk about.
Oh wait there is! We had a damn mouse in our house! I don't know if i told you guys this or not. Ewwww. Well, yesterday we bought two different traps..the old traditional snap! gotcha kinda traps and then some glue traps. I know, most ppl say not to use the glue traps, but i wanted this mouse caught and i am no good with those old style traps. So, i sat out two traps last night....around 11pm i went to my kitchen and there the mouse was, scurrying across my counter. I blocked him in the corner with a glue trap on either side of his escape routes. I knew he could climb over the traps, but was hoping he would be curious (and dumb) enough to go through them. Well, it worked, right before my eyes. ANd unfortunately, before Makenneh's eyes too! So, he steps into the glue and is instantly stuck like crazy. He can't go anywhere. The traps have an anesthetic in it, so i could tell it was working almost immediately. And wouldn't ya know that dirty bastard had to just sit and stare at me, as if to guilt me for doing this to him! So, i sent Makenneh to get Jeremy....bc i didn't want to grab the trap and the mouse, to be honest. HE came out, threw mouse and trap in a garbage bag and i set him out! I know, how horrible to allow him to die a miserable death, but he was anesthesizes (however you spell it)...lol. I am sorry, but yesterday, i went to get a kitchen towel from my drawer and htey were covered in mouse turds; went to put my dishes away that my cousin so graciously washed for me earlier that day, found mouse turds all over the towel and dish drainer..i was fit to be tied. IT is so disgusting and so much work..i had to bleach everything...all my silverware, all the dishes in the drainer, all the things in my drawers, my counters, stove, etc. I do not want to go through that work again! It's rediculous. NOt to mention, it just feels so nasty and dirty to know that a mouse has been crawling around defecating wherever he felt fit. How gross! I am really thinking about getting a cat. I would rather change a litter box than have rodent poop all over my kitchen and never feel clean. Thank you very much!
Well, Makenneh had the day off today, in observance of Martin Luther King Day. THen the stinker gets next monday off for some teacher in service day or whatever they call it. all these short school weeks, wth!
She is growing up so much. We have implemented the good girl stick program..lol, and it seems to be helping. aNd I have had good luck with getting her to ask nicely for things when she wants them, rather than demand them. I hope she keeps it up. It is so much better to do things for her when she is asking nicely. I also created a reward list so that she has choices of rewards when she gets her 5 sticks. THey are just simple things like 10 mins on the computer, extra 10 mins before bed, extra bed time story, etc. But im sure they are things that will motivate her to do her best.
She is also learning so much so fast. Some is good...well, some is not so good. She informed us that was PISSED last night. LOL. She heard dad say it and she decided that she felt the same way. We don't yell at her for this. WE just tell her that ____ isn't a nice word but she can use _____ instead. It seems to work. I think the more taboo we make words seem, the more appeal they have in a child's eye.
She has been writing some letters, saying most of her alphabet and it seems she knows more each day. I don't know that she will ever have her alphabet down though. She just hasn't been interested in learning it yet. I have sang the alphabet song to her since birth..yet she refused, for so long, to try to say them. Now she will go up to h or i, depending. Im sure she will get it and before too long. Im not going to force it and make it a miserable learning experience for her. She has just enough zest to learn and i don't want to stomp on it. She asks questions, she carries on conversations, she tries, she is getting it.
Sebastian did better last night with the screaming. It wasn't nearly as long winded. I think he only cried for a half hour and it wasn't the high pitched, blood curdling screams he was doing. Thank God for that! HE has also turned into a jabber-whacky. He is always saying something or another in mumble jumble. He is also saying more and more words and answering questions like are you hungry? do you want a drink, etc.
Well, im off here for now...to finish up on here and get the troops rounded up and out!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Another quickie
So, im at my cousins' place down state....we spent the day doing wedding shopping. Guess what? I found my dress for my sister's wedding...it's gonna cost about 20.00...we are making it, well, Aunt Bev, we are ultimately hoping you will make it for me...but the pattern was 2.44 and the material was clearanced for 1.00 a yard and the top takes 3 yds and not sure about the skirt. But, this is freakin awesome. Im also gonna have the top made in different patterns to wear for a shirt in the spring and summer. I will post somethin to show it off when i get a chance...this no internet is killin me. See, im at relative's house sneakin in blog time...lol.
Anyway, we had a great day out, just girls, no kids, no men. what more could a woman ask for? more laughter than should be legal! Of course, it's 930pm and we are still down state, a bit over an hour from home...lol.
ok, im off here for now. OH, oh oh oh oh oh, i got my fafsa pin today. i am soooo excited. Financial aid here i come.
Anyway, we had a great day out, just girls, no kids, no men. what more could a woman ask for? more laughter than should be legal! Of course, it's 930pm and we are still down state, a bit over an hour from home...lol.
ok, im off here for now. OH, oh oh oh oh oh, i got my fafsa pin today. i am soooo excited. Financial aid here i come.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Look what I can do!
I am sitting in the computer lab at the college,right now,typing this! I have met with the counselor and have a plan for my future! I feel invincible right now! I dare someone to try to step in my way! LOL!
I am going for an associates in arts, which will be transfered to a University to obtain my bachelors and then on to my masters...with my final destination being a LPC=licensed practicing councelor! Can you say $80-120 per counseling session (which is 45 mins, btw...woohoo)! And i was born to do this...i have always known it. The sad part is, i could already have my masters and be working making my good money if i had stuck it through right out of college, but oh well. the truth is, i was going for elementary ed back then anyway, so i guess, everythinghappens for a reason. the space bar sucks on this damn keyboard, so sorry for the messed up spacing. But you are all smart ppl and im sure you can figure it out...lol.
anyway, i don'tknowif i am actually supposedto do be doing this in here, but i was at a stand still on my financial aid form, so thought while i had internet connection, i woudl update!
I can't start until this spring though bc of the financial aid...but hey, the ball is rolling and we are well on our way! Hello future!
I am going for an associates in arts, which will be transfered to a University to obtain my bachelors and then on to my masters...with my final destination being a LPC=licensed practicing councelor! Can you say $80-120 per counseling session (which is 45 mins, btw...woohoo)! And i was born to do this...i have always known it. The sad part is, i could already have my masters and be working making my good money if i had stuck it through right out of college, but oh well. the truth is, i was going for elementary ed back then anyway, so i guess, everythinghappens for a reason. the space bar sucks on this damn keyboard, so sorry for the messed up spacing. But you are all smart ppl and im sure you can figure it out...lol.
anyway, i don'tknowif i am actually supposedto do be doing this in here, but i was at a stand still on my financial aid form, so thought while i had internet connection, i woudl update!
I can't start until this spring though bc of the financial aid...but hey, the ball is rolling and we are well on our way! Hello future!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Here for a minute...
Just on here to look up some school stuff which i wasn't very successful. Although I did find out that I can do all my signing up and all that good stuff right at the local extension campas. So, i don't have to deal with downtown flint and all that mess and no parking...woohoo. I will call them tomorrow to make an appointment. I need to talk to an advisor to find out what classes i need to take and all that good stuff.
Anyway, the kids are being pesky so i need ot get them home. Just wanted to post a quick one!
Anyway, the kids are being pesky so i need ot get them home. Just wanted to post a quick one!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Real Quick!
Ok, so we got our internet shut off the other day. They were unable to reach us to set up payment arrangements (bc we switched to cell phones) so now, we have to pay the full balance to get it back on. We will have to wait. I am at the library right now, trying to catch up on mail and such. Unfortunately, i have no idea how to access everyone's blog without using my good ol bookmarks! But, i will be sure to catch up everyone's as soon as i can!
I have been writing posts and saving them in wordpad so that when hte internet is back on, you can pick up right wherre you left off!
The new year has been good to me. I feel pretty good most of the time and i just have a very positive feeling about the year ahead! Hopefully it doesn't let me down...lol.
I decided to check out some books while i am here at the library. It will give me something to do when I can't sleep at night or when i need to escape.
I've been talking with the behavioural specialist through headstart on ways to get some where with Makenneh. Rigth now we are trying this: every time she does something good...big or small, she gets a popsicle stick (i write what she did good on the stick) then after she gets 5 sticks, she gets a reward. We shall see how it works.
Well, it is saturday, there are ppl waiting for the computers and I don't want to hold them up, afterall, some of them may actually have homework to do...lol.
So, until the net is back...take care!
I have been writing posts and saving them in wordpad so that when hte internet is back on, you can pick up right wherre you left off!
The new year has been good to me. I feel pretty good most of the time and i just have a very positive feeling about the year ahead! Hopefully it doesn't let me down...lol.
I decided to check out some books while i am here at the library. It will give me something to do when I can't sleep at night or when i need to escape.
I've been talking with the behavioural specialist through headstart on ways to get some where with Makenneh. Rigth now we are trying this: every time she does something good...big or small, she gets a popsicle stick (i write what she did good on the stick) then after she gets 5 sticks, she gets a reward. We shall see how it works.
Well, it is saturday, there are ppl waiting for the computers and I don't want to hold them up, afterall, some of them may actually have homework to do...lol.
So, until the net is back...take care!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year!!!
Hope everyone has all their dreams come true in 2007! I have decided that this is going to be the best year yet!
We started it off decently. We went to my uncles and had a few drinks, listened to some music and just hung out...in a house full of young kids...5 of them under the age of 4! Whew! And I still survived. You know, those darn kids can hang in there. Makenneh is still up and becoming quite mouthy. Im sure she is way overtired, as it is 3am and she didn't even have a nap! I am ready to drop. She fell asleep on the way home, but woke up when i went to get her out...grrr!
Anyway, I guess I am gonna get off here and stroke her little bratty face so she will fall asleep! She is wanting me to go out to the car to get her party favor, which is a one of those loud festive kazoo sounding things....i can see it now..she will have everyone within a square mile up, makin noise with it at 3am! Im sure it much better for her "party thing" to stay safely and quietly in the car for the night!
We started it off decently. We went to my uncles and had a few drinks, listened to some music and just hung out...in a house full of young kids...5 of them under the age of 4! Whew! And I still survived. You know, those darn kids can hang in there. Makenneh is still up and becoming quite mouthy. Im sure she is way overtired, as it is 3am and she didn't even have a nap! I am ready to drop. She fell asleep on the way home, but woke up when i went to get her out...grrr!
Anyway, I guess I am gonna get off here and stroke her little bratty face so she will fall asleep! She is wanting me to go out to the car to get her party favor, which is a one of those loud festive kazoo sounding things....i can see it now..she will have everyone within a square mile up, makin noise with it at 3am! Im sure it much better for her "party thing" to stay safely and quietly in the car for the night!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
ooooh, ahhhhh and AAAHHHH
LOL..i feel like a freakin roller coaster gone outta control. I have part of me that is happy and content, another part is anxious and stressed and yet another part that is just down right freakin irritated!
The good: I decided, after reading Helen's post, that yes, i need to do something. I went to the website for our local community college, checked out the programs they offer and decided that I am going to go back to college. I must write this bc now, I feel that you will all hold me to it. I am going to go for a Social Work Technician...that's a 2 yr program that will provide me with the skills and on the job training for work in that field and then i can transfer that to a 4 yr University and continue my studies while working in my field.
I also liked Helen's money "pot" idea. So, i have decided that we will give it a try. It seems to make managing the money a bit funner, if there is such a thing.
I have created a list of things to accomplish this week coming up. Each weekend, i shall make a list of about 5 things to accomplish for the week. I figure this will keep things manageable and give me something concrete to see what i need to do and what I have gotten done!
I'm getting better with the consistency here at home. It is tough. It is just so much easier in the short run to just give them what the;y want to shut them up. But, now i am dealing with the long term effects of those choices and it's time to do things differently around here.
The bad:
I have had extra kids for several consecutive days. Markie=15, Ashley (her friend)=16, Des-11. Markie had asked 3 nights ago i think it was, maybe 4 by now..ive seemed to have lost track of time...if she could stay the night and if i would ask her parents by telling htem i needed to have her babysit. Well, im not gonna lie about that, so i left the asking up to her. Well, they let her. That night turned into another, which she let her parents assume was to babysit for us again. Des was added to the mix this 2nd night. So, anyway, the next day comes, Markie has her friend over and as night falls, they all wanna stay again. Fine. Then, i find her telling her parents it was so she could babysit again. WTF?! Well, they seemed to question things, however, never did ask to speak to me, so i dont know. Then, last night, Jeremy had said, they could stay the night again, if Markie would actually watch the kids for us the next night at her house (upon parents approval of course) and that he would pay her $20. Now, i must back track to say that when Markie originally asked ot stay, she said that she wanted to stay and help me clean up and "you don't even have to pay me." Well, i told her she didn't have to clean or whatever but if she wanted to stay, sure. Well, back to where i was....last night. Markie was going to Walmart iwth her friends and wanted to know if Jeremy could give her the money early so she could have some on her. So, he gives her the 20.00. They go to the store, she spends all of it in the course of the evening. All the kids stay the night. Today, The day that Markie is supposed ot babysit, she calls her parents and they him haw about her staying again. By the evening, it's decided that she can't stay. So, im fuming anyway, bc i have had enough of all the dirty glasses in teh house, the crap to step over, the whole gamit. Well, Jeremy was gonna have her ask to have the kids at her house and i just said, forget it. Her parents were acting funny aobut the whole thing....my kids don't like staying there, forget it...so then, after being out the 20.00 basically, they ask for a ride home. Well, im so mad and ready to spit tacks, that whatever gets them out of here before my head spins off my shoulders. But wait, there is more! Can you run us by Ashley's house so she can get clothes and shoes (her flip flops broke). UGh...that's more gas....do they realize the price of gas? NO, they are teenagers. they realize nothing of the sort. I must throw in here, then while Markie was trying to get an answer from her parents i told her to just stop bc she was making us look bad...she said no, but i told her that they probably think you are over here watching the kids wihle we run all over hell's half acre or sleep. Anyway, i take them and drop them off and just can't really believe that Markie never so much as offered a way to pay back the 20.00 she wsa fronted. I almost feel as though it was plotted this way (bc you know teens are great at plotting) so that she could have the money for shopping. Then, as I was driving home, in silence, bc thank God Makenneh had fallen asleep, I remembered that Markie did watch kids the 28th and i told her i would pay her but it owuld have to be later bc we are broke. Well, there she has it. That is her pay. The problem there is, teh night she had kept them (which was so i could go to work, btw), her parents got mean with her and tol dher that they were keeping the money and giving some to her sister bc she wasn't doing enough for the kids bc while they were laying down watching tv, she talked on the phone. Well, that was what led to her wanting to stay here in the first place, is she wasn't getting along iwth her parents. So, she will have to work out the money situation with them, as I have forked out the 20.00 and will not fork out another! I cannot help but feel so damn used. I can relate to Helen's post about no room at the inn. That was exactly what i thought of driving those kids home tonight. Teenagers can be some of the most disrespectful creatures on earth! They came here, ate damn good, used my internet, chose the music to listen to, movies to watch, etc and then swindle the 20.00 more or less. And yes, part of me is upset with Jeremy for fronting her hte money, but i know i would have done the same and he was just trying to be nice, letting her have her own money for the shopping trip.
I told him tonight that no kids are staying here for awhile. While i had planned on having des over christmas break, me taking her gave them a night or so without kids; Markie staying here gave her parents a few nights without kids and here I am, the one who is ready to crack from stress and nerves, with no one to keep my kids. Ah well!
i know it does absolutely no good to be this frustrated over all of it, and there is more that i just don't feel like getting into, but yet, i can't help it.
Well, there is only 23 hours and 50ish minutes left in this horrid year and I am set to have a much better 2007! I am setting goals, large and small, and I am going to work at them.
Happy New Year to all!
The good: I decided, after reading Helen's post, that yes, i need to do something. I went to the website for our local community college, checked out the programs they offer and decided that I am going to go back to college. I must write this bc now, I feel that you will all hold me to it. I am going to go for a Social Work Technician...that's a 2 yr program that will provide me with the skills and on the job training for work in that field and then i can transfer that to a 4 yr University and continue my studies while working in my field.
I also liked Helen's money "pot" idea. So, i have decided that we will give it a try. It seems to make managing the money a bit funner, if there is such a thing.
I have created a list of things to accomplish this week coming up. Each weekend, i shall make a list of about 5 things to accomplish for the week. I figure this will keep things manageable and give me something concrete to see what i need to do and what I have gotten done!
I'm getting better with the consistency here at home. It is tough. It is just so much easier in the short run to just give them what the;y want to shut them up. But, now i am dealing with the long term effects of those choices and it's time to do things differently around here.
The bad:
I have had extra kids for several consecutive days. Markie=15, Ashley (her friend)=16, Des-11. Markie had asked 3 nights ago i think it was, maybe 4 by now..ive seemed to have lost track of time...if she could stay the night and if i would ask her parents by telling htem i needed to have her babysit. Well, im not gonna lie about that, so i left the asking up to her. Well, they let her. That night turned into another, which she let her parents assume was to babysit for us again. Des was added to the mix this 2nd night. So, anyway, the next day comes, Markie has her friend over and as night falls, they all wanna stay again. Fine. Then, i find her telling her parents it was so she could babysit again. WTF?! Well, they seemed to question things, however, never did ask to speak to me, so i dont know. Then, last night, Jeremy had said, they could stay the night again, if Markie would actually watch the kids for us the next night at her house (upon parents approval of course) and that he would pay her $20. Now, i must back track to say that when Markie originally asked ot stay, she said that she wanted to stay and help me clean up and "you don't even have to pay me." Well, i told her she didn't have to clean or whatever but if she wanted to stay, sure. Well, back to where i was....last night. Markie was going to Walmart iwth her friends and wanted to know if Jeremy could give her the money early so she could have some on her. So, he gives her the 20.00. They go to the store, she spends all of it in the course of the evening. All the kids stay the night. Today, The day that Markie is supposed ot babysit, she calls her parents and they him haw about her staying again. By the evening, it's decided that she can't stay. So, im fuming anyway, bc i have had enough of all the dirty glasses in teh house, the crap to step over, the whole gamit. Well, Jeremy was gonna have her ask to have the kids at her house and i just said, forget it. Her parents were acting funny aobut the whole thing....my kids don't like staying there, forget it...so then, after being out the 20.00 basically, they ask for a ride home. Well, im so mad and ready to spit tacks, that whatever gets them out of here before my head spins off my shoulders. But wait, there is more! Can you run us by Ashley's house so she can get clothes and shoes (her flip flops broke). UGh...that's more gas....do they realize the price of gas? NO, they are teenagers. they realize nothing of the sort. I must throw in here, then while Markie was trying to get an answer from her parents i told her to just stop bc she was making us look bad...she said no, but i told her that they probably think you are over here watching the kids wihle we run all over hell's half acre or sleep. Anyway, i take them and drop them off and just can't really believe that Markie never so much as offered a way to pay back the 20.00 she wsa fronted. I almost feel as though it was plotted this way (bc you know teens are great at plotting) so that she could have the money for shopping. Then, as I was driving home, in silence, bc thank God Makenneh had fallen asleep, I remembered that Markie did watch kids the 28th and i told her i would pay her but it owuld have to be later bc we are broke. Well, there she has it. That is her pay. The problem there is, teh night she had kept them (which was so i could go to work, btw), her parents got mean with her and tol dher that they were keeping the money and giving some to her sister bc she wasn't doing enough for the kids bc while they were laying down watching tv, she talked on the phone. Well, that was what led to her wanting to stay here in the first place, is she wasn't getting along iwth her parents. So, she will have to work out the money situation with them, as I have forked out the 20.00 and will not fork out another! I cannot help but feel so damn used. I can relate to Helen's post about no room at the inn. That was exactly what i thought of driving those kids home tonight. Teenagers can be some of the most disrespectful creatures on earth! They came here, ate damn good, used my internet, chose the music to listen to, movies to watch, etc and then swindle the 20.00 more or less. And yes, part of me is upset with Jeremy for fronting her hte money, but i know i would have done the same and he was just trying to be nice, letting her have her own money for the shopping trip.
I told him tonight that no kids are staying here for awhile. While i had planned on having des over christmas break, me taking her gave them a night or so without kids; Markie staying here gave her parents a few nights without kids and here I am, the one who is ready to crack from stress and nerves, with no one to keep my kids. Ah well!
i know it does absolutely no good to be this frustrated over all of it, and there is more that i just don't feel like getting into, but yet, i can't help it.
Well, there is only 23 hours and 50ish minutes left in this horrid year and I am set to have a much better 2007! I am setting goals, large and small, and I am going to work at them.
Happy New Year to all!
Friday, December 29, 2006
Real Quick
I have a houseful of kids, as i stated in last post. Well, my one cousin loves to give massages, so i just lifted my shirt for her to rub my back and my little man came up and started rubbing my back...it felt better than anything....and melted my heart! May he continue to be a sweetie in that department.
Recipe
....for disaster:
Ingredients:
too many toys from Christmas giving
too many pieces to said gifts
small home (600 sq ft, maybe)
large toy items
Christmas tree
2 extra kids
Trip over coats and shoes and toys and kids. pick up endless candy wrappers (where do they come from, bc i swear the candy should be gone by now)
Mix all this with my lack of meds and well....
I am near explosion. My heart is racing, blood pressure elevated, throat tightened and I just want to puke.
15 yr old asked to stay and said she would help clean....ive yet to see much of that...then last night i added an 11 yr old, Desiree. The great thing there is Makenneh absolutely adores her and they play well together. But, given Desiree's whole situation, she tends to be very needy emotionally and clingy...so it just stresses me out at times.
i think that if i go back to bed and sleep for awhile, maybe i will wake up to clean house...lol!
I can hope anyway.
Well, IM out of here to try to get someting done around here before i explode!
Ingredients:
too many toys from Christmas giving
too many pieces to said gifts
small home (600 sq ft, maybe)
large toy items
Christmas tree
2 extra kids
Trip over coats and shoes and toys and kids. pick up endless candy wrappers (where do they come from, bc i swear the candy should be gone by now)
Mix all this with my lack of meds and well....
I am near explosion. My heart is racing, blood pressure elevated, throat tightened and I just want to puke.
15 yr old asked to stay and said she would help clean....ive yet to see much of that...then last night i added an 11 yr old, Desiree. The great thing there is Makenneh absolutely adores her and they play well together. But, given Desiree's whole situation, she tends to be very needy emotionally and clingy...so it just stresses me out at times.
i think that if i go back to bed and sleep for awhile, maybe i will wake up to clean house...lol!
I can hope anyway.
Well, IM out of here to try to get someting done around here before i explode!
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