Bring on Monday

I am so ready for monday. today was crazy. Jeremy have been at our wits' ends with makenneh's behavior lately. She pushes every single limit. She is mouthy, rude, disrespectful. We have tried everything...finally today, jeremy decided we would take the toys away. She was warned, but refused to straighten up. so, we packed up all the toys, leaving on the books. this child sobbed and sobbed. I felt bad, but for the first time, i think we got through to her that we mean business. After awhile, she was over the sobbing and went about the day being rather delightful, polite, and well behaved. WE decided we would keep toys packed and when use them as incentives for good behavior. For instance, she was very good the remainder of the day, she was able to get a couple toys back. a few good things seem to have come of this. One, she is realizing that we are not taking her behavior anymore. two, their room is now clean. I got hurt earlier trying to put clothes away. They(mostly she) refuse to pick their toys up. Every time it is time to pick up, she suddenly is too busy, sick, legs hurt or just deaf. She is very proud of her clean room too. I was in the shower and she came in excited for me to come see her clean room. She is also playing in there now that it is clean. So, the decision to pack up toys seem to be a good one, albeit a tough one for me. the original intent was to take them to my parents' to store them but they are currently out on porch. I need to bring them in...but i want to wait til they are sleeping. the one thing she is not doing so well with is going to sleep. she is busy putting her few toys to sleep right now. she is very excited for school and moreso, riding the bus, that it doesn't help. but, if she isn't going to go to sleep, she isn't going to get a toy back for the bedtime part of the deal. She is so stubborn.

enough of that whole thing. It sucks being a parent sometimes. I have a math test tomorrow. I should do fine, so long as i don't get in a hurry and make some stupid arithmatic mistake. I feel good though, bc i got a b on the last test when the class avg was a d. That's crazy that most students got a D on that test.

I am ready for a child-free weekend. I know that not all parents can do this, but it is helpful to me, as a mother, to have a break and rejuvenate. It's not that im pawning my kids off to go party and get wasted or anything. Most often, when they are with other family members overnight, i stay home, enjoy peace and quiet, take a leisure shower (as opposed to my rushed 7 min shower), get cleaning done, catch up on housework (and now homework), spend alone time with Jeremy, as that is a very rare commodity, watch a movie while we can both see AND hear it at the same time...ya know, just simple things like that. I don't see a weekend break happening, though. I tried to convince stephanie that she could keep the kids at her house next weekend, but she said it's their homecoming weekend.. I have had stephanie all summer and every weekend since school started.

well, i am gonna go....gotta get these kids to sleep. Seb had a late nap,so i knew he would be a treat tonight...but makenneh has school tomorrow and has to get on the bus at 1105am. She needs her sleep. I am so emotional about her riding the bus. funny. I was sad the first few days she went to school last year..but she loved it so much i couldn't help but be happy. But, riding the bus is me relinquishing yet more of my parental control. I have to let her climb aboard that gigantic yellow bus and then the rest is in the bus driver's and teacher's control. I have been emotional since being told she would ride the bus. She has wanted to ride one since she was 2 yrs old. She used to beg. Now, she is so excited to know she gets to ride. I will be posting pics...my uncle loaned me his camera and it's a pretty nice one. Mine doesn't take good pics, so i was so happy when he offered.

Oh and before we can get her on the bus, i have to run to the store and get her a pair of tennis shoes. this should have already been taken care of, i know...but i procrastinate. I was really sure her tennis shoes still fit, but those feet grew the past couple months. Im hoping to find a pair on clearance, as we really don't have the money this week. But, either way, she needs them, so it's not an option. *sigh*

Ok, im off of here...finish my rounds and get ready for bed myself...Hope everyone starts their week off on the right foot!

More prayer requests

I just read on myspace about a childhood friend. We actually were neighbors as kids. Well, her mom has battled cancer for awhile and now she is losing the battle. She had surgery to put in a colostomy bag but when the surgeon opened her up, he found too many tumors and obstructions to continue and had to just close her up. The doctors said there is nothing they can do for her at this point. They did give her a four and half year life expectancy, for what that's worth. But they had to do some rerouting with her stomach and intestines and she will never again be able to eat solid foods. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. I just hope that God can give them the strength they need to get through this.

Also, my aunt Charlene was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She is on medicine to see how it will help. If you could keep her in your prayers as well. Hopefully this medicine will help her with the pain the disease causes. She goes in for a surgery on Oct. 2. then, on the 5th, Jeremy's grandma goes in to have her spleen removed.

Such gloomy news. Remember to let those you love know how much they mean to you!

Pooey

That's how i feel. I seem to have caught the flu-like bug that's been going around. I feel so sick to my stomach, weak, tired, blah. This all came on suddenly, today. I am hoping it doesn't last long, because Monday is school for me and Makenneh. Don't want to be sick for all that.

I did start my paper for Multicultural communication. We had to choose a world religion (either the beliefs or the practices) and then do a report and a 10 min presentation. I chose Paganism beliefs. So, i started looking up things on it tonight. Ten mins is a long time for a presentation, especially seems how we are only doing one aspect of the religion. So, im going to have to do a lot of digging. Of course, we have a research paper to do in English that i could do on Paganism, also. That would save me some time with research, bc i could do the research for each class at the same time. They would be two totally different projects, but i could use some of the info for both assignments. English assignment is of course formal research, whereas the multicultural assignment is more informal.

Well, jeremy is heading to bed, so im going to get off here. I didn't expect him to go to bed so darn early on a weekend, but ah well. I may be back later to post some more.

Good news and Prayer Request

I'll start with the good news, so i can hold back the tears. The headstart coordinator for our school district called today. THey have an opening for Makenneh. I go today at 4pm to meet with her teacher and get the paperwork I need to fill out. She will be going in the afternoon and will get to ride the bus. She is going to love that! It makes me feel a bit sad. It's a big step. But, she is more than ready to get on that bus. She has wanted to ride a bus since she was about 2 yrs old!

And to the next thing: Jeremy's grandma just emailed that she has to go in for surgery on Oct. 5 to have her spleen removed. It is so enlarged it is causing a multitude of problems for her. She has a very positive mind set and she is confident that it will go well. But she has asked for prayers. As you may recall, she was diagnosed with a form of leukemia just a few months back.
Anyway, say a prayer, send a positive thought, whatever it is that you do.

Thank you.

I have to go now..besides, the tears have started falling and the kids are winding up because we are getting ready to leave.

Go me!!!!!!

I did it, I did it! First, I got my math test back today. Prior to handing them back, he said the average was 10 right out of 15. That's not a great grade on a test. Well, he handed mine back and i had 13 out 15! I was so excited. I got a B and I will certainly take that. The bad thing is, one of the problems I got wrong was a simple subtraction mistake. grrr! But, i still did better than the average student. Yay me!

Then, i got to my speech class tonight. I was full of knots in my stomach, sweaty palms..the works. Today was presentation day for our speechs AND a test over chapters 1 and 2. Yikes. Talk about overload. He gave the test first. We were allowed to use our notes. After everyone finished the tests, he graded them while we took a break (he used the electonic scan cards..scan-trons so it was a matter of slipping htem through a machine which marked the problems that were wrong). He passed them back and he called my name to come get my test, he handed it to me and said, good job! I had 45/50! He said anything over 39 was good. And the fact that he complimented me made my night, as he didn't say that to everyone! So, that relieved a little of the knots. Then, he took volunteers to start speeches. 9 ppl volunteered. YOu can bet i wasn't one of them. LOL. Well, for the rest of the class, he had us put our name on a piece of scrap paper and drop it in a hat. He then started to draw names. mine was the SECOND name he drew. That meant, i was the 11th person to give my speech. Ugh. Before I knew it, it was my turn. I did it. It wasn't as bad as i expected. I have had speech class before in high school, but that was like 9 or 10 yrs ago. I walked back to get my critique sheet from him and i got 48/50! Woohoo! I feel so darn good! I should add that we get 5 points extra credit points for making name cards to put on our desk so he can call us by name, rather than hey you. So, technically, im only missing 2 points from a perfect grade.

Tomorrow is my day with no classes. I get to spend it cleaning. Yippee!

The temps reached 89* today. That's crazy. Tomorrow we are looking at 85, then 75 for wed. I can handle 75. But these 80s are just too warm for this time of year. I shall not complain too much though, bc it won't be long and i will be complaining about cold and snow.

I just wanted to take time to say thank you to Julie (JulieQ). She is sending me a box of clothes for Sebastian, winter boots for Makenneh...things her kids no longer can wear. I thought it was thoughtful of her. She is so sweet and kind! Thank you, Julie!

My keyboard is still working, thankfully, but some keys are very sticky and hard to use. Mostly the tab key, caps lock, shift, number 1. The rest are ok. I imagine if i used those other keys more, they would loosen back up. I got lucky. While a new keyboard wouldn't cost a whole lot, it is more than i can really spare right now. This week, $40 came out to fix that flat tire we had...it was not expected and as things go right now, we are pay check to pay check. And i added the expense of gas into the mix with going to school...Thankfully our internet is free from the college. It seems like every week there is something coming up to take extra money out for and it sucks. This next check will prob be expenses for Jeremy's tooth as it is still hurting him like crazy. He is taking ibuprofen like no other. that can't be good for his insides. I am going to try to call the dental place to see if they would call in more antibiotics. We cannot afford for him to miss another day of work to go in. When that happens, we miss out on a day's pay, plus have to pay $25 fee and then the cost of the Rx's. last time he went in, it cost us a total of $145 by the time you add in the missed work. That's an expensive trip to the dentist, especially when you are broke. He is on the waiting list for the oral surgeon, but who knows how long that is going to take. They are open until like 530, so if they would let us set an appt, it wouldn't be so bad, bc he could take the latest appt and we could make it there when he gets home from work. But i guess they are booked through end of october. The only way he can be seen before then is to be a walk in which requires missing a full day of work. There certainly is no winning when you are down and out. Just more incentive to do good with school and get my career going. Then we won't have to stress over small things like broken keyboards, printers out of ink, keeping gas in the car and painful teeth.

Well, my hands actually hurt from all this typing...its a bit more strenuous with the few sticky keys. Ok, that makes a difference as well. I had removed the wrist support thing when the pop was dumped on it, and never put it back on. Never realized how helpful that thing is until it's not there. Im going to wrap it up though and head to bed.


ETA: I thought I would swing by the free samples website I've talked about on here before....here is a sample. They had a neat little option...tell a friend, post to blog. So i thought, why not share this with the world...a lil "perk" for reading my blog. It's a free sample of Folgers gourmet coffee. I have tried the vanilla biscotti and it is delicious. I am not a huge coffee fan, but it was yummy. This time i opted for the chocolate truffle, bc come on...it has to be good. I also found a link for a free sample of this stuff, provided by walmart...so on that one, i chose the creme brulee!

Here's the link:


ENJOY!!

Cutting a rug

The wedding was beautiful! Of course, i arrived about 10 mins before ceremony, go into the bride's room only to find chaos and the best man....who was a childhood friend. He and my brother were thick as thieves when we were kids. Anyway, they needed someone to pin boutinieres on the guys. The box was shoved at me and off I went. I went across into the guys' dressing room and was pleasantly surprised to find two other childhood friends in there. I wasn't aware that Shannon's hubby was friends with all of them. I couldn't believe it. It was like a childhood reunion. And i have to add that John, the best man, sure has grown up. He is absolutely gorgeous. not the same little boy I knew. LOL.

Jeremy started getting sick at the reception and it wasn't from drinking. He was freezing cold (which i didn't think a lot of as ppl were putting coats/sweatshirts/whatever they had on hand bc it was soooo cold in there...unless u were up dancing of course. Then he ended up in the bathroom throwing up. Of course, somewhere in all this, he ended up with a UofM sweatshirt on. He had borrowed it from one of my cousins. Well, Jeremy is a State fan (UM and state are huge football rivals). so when he got back to our table, with my dad, brother, and brother in law...they all started ragging on him that they wanted a pic. Jeremy said no way were they getting one and they started wrestling a bit (Not in the floor rollling around, but just arms going i guess). Well, the lady who runs the place comes up and tells jeremy he has to leave. WTF, first of all, there were 3 or so guys trying to get him (in fun, keep in mind) but even still, had they actually been fighting, why would you kick out the "victim"? My dad and brother were pissed. My dad told her she was off her rockers...they are family and just playing around. then she says well he at least needs to get away from him, referrnig to ralph, my brother in law. So, jeremy starts walking towards the door, but my parents are right there on our heels. My dad stopped, told that lady that she is wrong...they weren't fighting, blah blah. THen he looks to jeremy and says, come on, ur coming with me and took him back to the table. we got back to the table and just laughed...crazy. bc ralph and jeremy were sitting next to each other anyway, laughing about the whole damn thing. Meanwhile, my brother went to her and told her that if she kicks him out she is making a grave mistake as he knows many of hte business owners in this town (it's our hometown where my brother still lives)....needless to say she started back peddling. a while later, jeremy went up to bar to get a pop and she apologized to him. Hmph! All that and keep in mind that my aunt and uncle paid $6000 for this and yet the kitchen was filthy, the groom had to mop the bathroom floors the night before the wedding bc they were so disgusting and the whole place was covered in dust and cob webs. the bathrooms smelled like outhouses and the table skirts for the food tables were stained yellow. Do i even need to mention the "landscaping" outside the building? Off to the side of the entrance doors, she had one of those plastic landscaping ponds...only it was only half full with green, algae infested water, dead fish and starving live fish. The ground around the "pond" was full of weeds and grass and just looked yucky. With the money she charges for this place, it would seem it could at least be cleaned and free of unfinished landscaping projects. Needless to say, the brides sister is getting married next october and they won't be using this facility for her wedding.

I finally got my speech done. I still need to practice some more and now that the kids are asleep, i will head to the bathroom to practice some more. I am so nervous i feel like i could vomit. I don't want to be up in front of everyone doing this. I don't know why...well it's natural and most everyone has this fear of public speaking. but i am so nervous it's not funny. to add to my nervousness, i can't be in comfortable clothes, but rather have to dress up and that's not my thing...so i will already be way out of my element. I hope i get a decent enough grade. Of course, for my next speech, im going to stay on task and ahead of the game much better. this one snuck up on me and with all the wedding stuff going on and still adjusting to back to school life mixing with family life, i wasn't ready for it at all. Oh well....nothing to do but go forward. I am just afraid i will get in front of the class and blank out....forgetting everything. I also worry bc my voice is weak. moreso when nervous. I tend to talk in my shoes when im uncomfortable. I can't do this tmorrow. I have to look ppl in their eyes, make eye contact, use gestures and speak up, confidentally. wow. breath deep. Hahaahah. I am trying to convince myself i will do just fine and that i can do this. I can hear my voice in my head being strong and heard. WE will see how it goes.

Oh i have to add...makenneh didn't want to leave the reception to come home, shortly after dinner, as we had arranged with the sitter. so we let her stay and that girl was out on the dance floor the entire night. And when the dj was done playing music, she came up and said, mom, im ready to go home now. LOL. She fell asleep on the way home, woke up when we got home and was up for about half hour then crashed. she slept til noon today. ANd still went to bed by 10 tonight.

Well, can't think of much else to post about. The newlyweds are off to Hawaii tomorrow. I should stow away in a suitcase....lol.

What the A?

Yeah, i just typed that on my very own keyboard. See, how lovely? I have my A back! AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa! Some other keys are still quite sticky, yet, but at least they are working so far. Whew~

I figured out what Sebastian is wearing to the wedding, but still nothing for Makenneh. I tried, but the problem we have is, she has several very cute skirts, but no shirts to match them. Bleh! Of course, we don't really have the extra money to go buy one, especially with the tire needing replaced (rim included, as it was a donut tire on there that went flat). Im thinking about checking the clearance racks to see if i can find something for a few bucks or less. It's possible. I called my one aunt to see if my cousin had anything but she didn't. What would work best is a solid colored shirt (of almost any style) in a turquoise, brown, beige, white or seafoam(ish) green. The skirt i want her to wear has those colors in it. Hopefully i can work something out so she can wear it. Otherwise, she is wearing mango colored pants with a shirt that has flowers and butterflies on it (cute but not super cute like the skirt). Or, if it isn't too terribly hot, she could wear a pair of her black, dressier pants and a 3/4 sleeve button up shirt. IM just afraid with all the dancing this girl is sure to do, that something like that would be far too hot. Still not completely decided on my own attire. I love my black dress pants..just need to decide on a shirt. I hate these kinds of events, bc ijust don't have the wardrobe for them. My kids don't really either. Well, Sebastian has some khakis and some button up shirts, so he is ok, for the most part. He was easiest to figure out. IF all else fails, I can wear a pair of jeans with a nice top. It wouldn't be out of ordinary for this wedding (or most weddings in our family). We are a very laid back, casual bunch of people. Which explains why i don't have a bunch of dressy clothes...lol. In fact, we have teased that this is the only time we will ever catch the bride in a dress. She is a jeans and t shirt girl herself.

Well, i really didn't have much of interest to say..i was just so excited that my A is working again!! i had to share the news!

No more A

Well, i fried my keyboard. I dumped pop on it. Actually, it still works, but the letter A doesn't. It's kinda hard to type without the A bc well, just look at all the words Ive written so far that have the letter a. that's why im typing on my cousin's computer right now.

Yesterday was shit. No other way to explain it. The kids were monsters, my nerves were shot, i was irritable....to top it off, jeremy noticed a flat tire on the car as he was coming in from work. that's an hour before my class starts. everyone is busy with last min. wedding preparations, as my cousin's wedding is saturday, so i had a hard time finding a ride to school. my dad did it for me...he stopped here on his way home from work and took me. of course, of all nights, our teacher let us out about 40 mins early. I had planned to be picked up at 830,a lil early, but this was even earlier. No biggie, though, i just read my book.

I have so much i need to be doing. But i am exhausted. I finally started my speech today that i have to give on monday. i still need to do the keyword outline and notecards and of course, practice. I still need to figure out what we are all wearing to the wedding so thats not a huge fiasco come tomorrow afternoon. One good thing is the wedding isn't til 5pm. LIke that...gives you most of hte day to prepare. I also have a sitter lined up. I plan to take the kids to the wedding and the reception and then after a couple hours bring htem home. of course, makenneh may not want to go home. she loves to dance and have fun!

anyway, just wanted to update, bc i can't really type with my keyboard...but dinner is done and i want to spend some time with jeremy...i haven't really seen him all week.

have a great weekend everyone!

Not enough time in a day

and not enough days in a week. Whew! I just finished up math homework from monday that is "due" tomorrow. I say "due" bc he doesn't exactly check our homework daily but rather asks that we keep it in a spiral notebook that he collects each test day to check over to be sure we are doing it. Well, tomorrow is a test day, so had to be sure i did the homework. Im not at all worried bout the test. I know how to do everything on it and he already told us it's 15 questions and he basically went over the majority of the problems, just making a few tweaks (like changing the numbers). And he doesn't get all caught up in memorizing properties and such, so it's just straight-forward math problems. i can handle that. Tomorrow night is English. I have a paper due in that class that i wrote up earlier today while at Ashley's. My computer doesn't have microsoft word and my printer is out of ink. I still have to print the paper, bc she has a laptop and i wasn't getting into hooking it up to the printer and she was on the phone while i did it and when i left. I also have a speech to give on Monday night. Ugh. I haven't even started it. It will be fairly easy once i get going....it's an introductory speech (so about me). He wants us to pick one aspect of ourselves or our lives to talk about and it has to be 3-4 mins long. Im not real sure what to do it on....i have no interesting hobbies, haven't gone on any exotic vacations, etc. I was thinking of doing it on my decision to go back to school. It's something im passionate about and can be comfortable talking about.

Anyway, that's the craziness called my life.

Wanna hear something funny? I know Helen could surely use a laugh right now! The other day I go into the bathroom bc Makenneh had called me in to help her. I get in there and notice that she has lined the toilet seat with toilet paper. WE do this at public restrooms if they don't have the disposable seat covers. Well, I told her she didn't need to do that at home bc our toilet is clean. She says, "well, my butt is special and your's not." I almost died. I told her that while her butt may be special, she doesn't need to cover our seat in toilet paper. It's a waste. To which she firmly replied, "But my butt is special, your's not.". I told her that when she has a job and can buy the toilet paper, she can use it however she sees fit but as long as I am buying it, she needn't waste it. So far, so good. I haven't caught her doing it again. Well, i also threw in there that toilets at home will plug up if you put that much toilet paper in them and we don't want to break our toilet. Im sure that is what really drove it home for her. Whew! The things kids come up with. She is always coming up with something that just kills us. I am sure she is wise far beyond her years. Maybe not so much academically, but certainly in an over-all mental way. She says things, figures things out that just astonishes us. She may refuse to learn her alphabet completely, but she can problem solve, conclude, create, u name it. She swore one day and I told her that that wasn't a nice word. She replied with, "well if you can say it, i can say it." To which i responded, "It is an adult word. When you grow up, you can choose to use those kinds of words. Until then, you can't use them." She still insisted that if i say it, she will say it. I do need to watch using those words around her...i don't use them all the time, but when i am frustrated (ok, when aren't i frustrated?), i have been known to come off with a few colorful words. Until recently, she had been fine with the idea that some words are adult words and kids can't use them. Now, she is questioning that theory. I never wanted to teach her that they were "bad" words, bc I don't want her correcting adults should they say them. However, there are a few words that are bad and i don't hesitate to tell her so. Lately, she has been obsessed with the word "hate". I have been reminding her that it isn't a nice word and she needs to say, "don't like or dislike" instead of hate. When she is told she can't do something or even to do something....she will come off with, "ugggh, but i hate this!" or "hate that" or whatever fits at the time. She has even come off with the, "I hate you", to which I respond, but i still love you. The other night, she was using hate and we were at my uncle's. I had told her not to use that word. My uncle's fiancee spoke up and said, "that word's not allowed in our house." She adores Tajuania and so she heeded her words. She got mad at me later and said, "I don't like you." I said, well, I still love you." She said, but you can't like me right now when i am not liking you." It was so hard not to laugh. God please let the teen years be easy with this child..i am going through the mouthiness enough now to last a lifetime! She has been a trying child since birth...so i hope by the time she is 12ish, it is out of her system. I can hope.

Well, im rambling on and on and I should be in bed. Mondays and Wednesdays are my busiest days. I need to figure out what to make for dinner tomorrow so i don't have to waste time figuring it out btwn classes. Options are limited around here right now..think it might be spaghetti. Quick and easy. Does anyone have a good crock pot chicken recipe? I have chicken breast fillets (or something of that nature..they are frozen, u thaw them and can use them any which way you choose. They aren't breaded, just so you know if you have any recipe ideas). I think it would be nice to throw something in the crock pot before i head to my math class (leave the house around 1130) that will be ready when we eat dinner (around 530). Must have simple ingredients, as I have nothing fancy in this place when it comes to food. so, no saffron or "funky little ingredients that are only found at the specialty shops".

Why won't my brain shut down? It is 2am and my brain hasn't slowed down enough to sleep yet.

oh tonight was bunco. Dont know why i feel the need to put that, as i didn't win a darn thing. That's not unusual though. Next month is my month to host. We are going to check into renting our little clubhouse here at the park. It's a $50 deposit that you get back when you return the key and as long as you cleaned it and didn't damage anything. That way, there is plenty of room, no need to hustle around cleaning your house and we don't have to haul card tables and chairs.

I guess that's about it. im going now. Brain, did you see that? lol....

Back to Monday

Well, the weekend is over... It was a busy weekend for me. Friday night was my sister's spa party. Then Saturday afternoon we had a baby shower. I had to rush from that to get to my mom's so we could finish up the prep for Jeremy's surprise party. That went well. He said he had an inclination. Grrr. We spent the evening and into the wee hours of morning sitting around a fire. I didn't think my dad would ever quit adding wood to the fire. LOL. This morning, i slept in...til 1130ish. The kids stayed at my parent's last night...so i was afforded such luxury. The down side is that i woke up with a bad headache. How unfair. I took two small swallows of Hot Damn and had nothing else to drink, yet I woke up with a bad headache. I took some ibuprofen and that held it at bay although i was left with a nagging pain in my head...threatening to return. This evening, we had dinner at my Uncle Ken's to celebrate my cousin Sarah's Bday. She turned 19 today. Then, we came home and I hit the homework again. I was feeling very overwhelmed tonight. It is so hard to concentrate on homework with tv going, ppl talking, kids running around, wanting things, whining, what have you... I have to work on getting organized I think. I feel like I am going in a million different directions. It's awful. Im sure it will just take a few weeks to get in the routine.

This week is going to be a busy one, as well. I have class mon and wed, (2 times) and then thurs. Tues is bunco and fri night my friend's mom is having a candle party. UGh. The weekend brings my cousin's wedding and Jeremy's aunt is having one of those spa parties on sunday. I have decided that I am not attending sunday's spa party. I don't have any money to spend at these parties and I've already booked and held a show. So, i have nothing to contribute to the party and I need time for homework, housework, family...life. I am still undecided on the candle party. My friend and her mom attend all of our parties as long as they are able...but again, i have no money to order anything and i won't host one of those parties bc i just can't justify spending that kind of money on their products and I don't know anyone who is willing to buy much of anything from that company. So, i know a party wouldn't turn out if i had one.

I am going to talk to someone at the college about student loans. There is a Stafford loan available, but by applying for it, it voids my work study grant. (I haven't signed up/applied for a work study job yet, though i was granted money to do it). I am leaning towards the loan route, simply bc the work study is 25 hrs of work a week and I am just not sure that I can juggle that in there right now. Maybe next semester when I am settled into this going to school routine. But right now, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with classes alone. But I want to talk to someone at the college first to weigh the benefits of each option. work study pays $7 an hour up to 25 hrs/week, paid bi-weekly. Right now my brain is simply overloaded with things to do, think about, etc. After writing it out, i am beginning to think that as long as i can get a work study job at this point, maybe i should go that route, as it is almost like free money. Well, i would be working for it, but i mean, we wouldn't have to pay it back, whereas with the loan, we would. Even if the interest is deferred. Then, i can save the loans for when my tuition is more than my grants cover (Michigan State University isn't anywhere near low cost tuition...lol).

Well, this is where I stop tonight...i need to give my poor brain a rest...so many things are running through there that it makes me exhausted...lol.

Happy 30th Birthday, Honey

Today was Jeremy's 30th birthday. Or as he likes to refer to it...his 5th anniversary of his 25th bday. his way of avoiding the fact that he is aging, i suppose. I don't get it...bc it's just a part of life and Ive never understood ppl's obsessions with trying to outrun it. You can't.

Anyway, I had class tonight, so i knew we wouldn't really get to spend any time together. I did manage to cook lasagna for dinner, which is his favorite meal. He did have to finish the garlic bread though, as i was already running a tad late. He still enjoyed it.

HIs mom and I decided today that we should throw a lil party together for him this weekend, as it is his 30th. I had wanted to, but nixed the idea due to funds. I love to celebrate bdays. It's always been a big thing for me. So, the itch was there, but the money wasn't. When his mom mentioned it today, and offered to help, i figured we could do a lil get together. I hate doing things last minute, but it is all coming together. It will be a surprise. It's planned for Saturday evening. I have a baby shower at 2pm so it's going to be a busy day...but we can pull it off. I feel good about it, bc like i said, i love to make big deals about bdays. I guess it comes from growing up, always having at least a family type bday party. Never anything huge and fancy, but just get togethers. So, his mom is getting 30 balloons in black and white and a few Over the Hill Mylar balloons to go with it. He is always saying he is old now....sooooo, he asked for it. LOL. She is also getting the paper products and his dad is doing shaved ribeye for steak subs (Jeremy loves them and growing up, they used to have this a lot...his dad works for Abbott's meat, which is a huge distributor in our area for meats, so he gets a great deal). I am going to make Taco Salad (his favorite) and maybe do some nachos and cheese. Then, we are going to see if his aunt will make a potato salad. We are expecting about 20 ppl. And of course, im making cake and may go with some ice cream....we will see. Im actually quite excited and will be even happier if it turns out and remains a surprise.

Other than that...nothing really to talk about..of course im quite tired. couldn't sleep last night and then had class tonight. So, i guess im off here to head to bed. have lots of work to do now that we decided to throw this last minute party.

Something goes Right

Well, I went to my Communication (public speaking) class last night. I was stressed when i realized I HAD to have internet access for this class. The instructor, Joe, uses blackboard all the time for listing assignments, sharing messages, etc. So, in order to keep up with this class, internet access is a must. I had called the phone company to check out options, nil. I called my college and got the info i needed and I am now connected to the internet, for FREE thru the college. Of course, it's supposed to free, but we shall see if my phone company is charging me while im online. I will call them tomorrow, when they are open. Grrrr. If they are, there is going to be some major ass-chewing going on. I am normally not the type to get loud on someone, to be forceful, etc. But, I have been dealing with this co. for several days over crap that shouldn't even be an issue. Lord knows none of it is ever an issue with any other phone company ive had (and ive had a fair share of phone companies). But, for now, i will bask in the glory that is my internet connection. I have logged onto the blackboard for my comm class, found a very important msg waiting for me....the teacher has done up the study guides for the test. wE can write the answers and USE them on our test. How easy is that? Good thing to know. If i didn't have internet, i wouldn't know this and would show up for class, unprepared, bc at class closing monday, he had said he would move the test back bc he didn't feel we were adequately prepared. the study guide changes all that. Whew! So, i just spent a good amount of time answering the 25 questions for chapt. 1. I still have to read chap 2 and do that study guide. Oh I am beginning to think i may have slightly overloaded the classes this semester. I started to think it when in math yesterday and the teacher was giving out butt-loads of homework and some young kid says, "Hey, i only have 14 credit hours". To which, many in the class were like, "wow, 14?!" Yeah, i have 14 too, along with a husband, home, and 2 kids. Boy am i in for some good times. LOL. I was further convinced while sitting in my comm class and hearing the class outline. Realizing all the speeches I will have to prepare and MEMORIZE. Yes, memorize. I hope my children make good audiences. LOL. I will surely be well practiced in the "interference" dept. My other comm class, multi-cultural comm. is going to be fun and mostly laid back, but there is a huge project to do and several smaller, but big, reports to do. So, i am going to be one busy momma. I am kinda excited about taking on the challenge, but a little nervous, too. I just hope my sanity can hang in there. It has to. Bc there are great rewards to be had for doing this! LIke, a high paying career, nice home, newer vehicles, vacations, all those things that many ppl take for granted. Please don't ever let me become one of those ppl. I don't EVER want to forget where it is that i have come from! Bc where i come from is what has made me who i am. In all honesty, if i never had to struggle, i never would have decided to put my nose to the grind-stone and get back to school. I also hope that when i reach that goal, when i am finally financially stable and making good money, that I am able to pay some of it forward. Able to do a lot for others. There is so much I would love to do for others right now...and having those extra means would make it all the better. I sit and think about how great it will feel to "adopt" a family at Christmas and spread holiday cheer. Im not talking about a few little odd gifts here and there for them, but rather, a whole Christmas! Complete with magic and wonder. Maybe Im strange, but i seriously sit sometimes and daydream about the wonderful things I can do for others when i get my career going. Sure, I sometimes think/dream of the nice things I can have for myself/family, but I honestly find more joy in thinking about what i can do for others. Maybe this is why mom says I would never be able to be monetarily rich. She is right. I wouldn't. I would share my wealth...and be rich in things far more fulfilling than monetary gains.

Now, back to the present. Blah. It sucks. Hahhahaha. for now. I am liking school. I hate the parking situation at the main campus, but have found a way around it. I have to leave one hour before my class...yes, that means i get there a whole half hour to 40 mins before class time, but it also means i get a decent parking spot and don't have to be late and waste gas driving around to find somewhere to park then huffing my overweight body across campus to get to class, sweat dripping from my forehead, neck and eyebrows. I can now walk at a reasonable pace, get to class without all the huffing and puffing and sweat. Yesterday, on my way back to my car after class, a young man was walking around with a sign that said "Free Hugs" and he was donning a shirt saying the same thing. And sure enough, he asked if i would like a hug. Well, sure why not! Everyone can use a hug. So, he gave a free hug. I must say, it was a very nice hug. It wasn't just a cheap, "im in a hurry and doing this bc my assignment said to". It was a firm, "I mean it" kind of hug. I was almost taken aback. Well, that and the fact that he had some beautiful bright blue eyes and smelled oh so good. I wouldn't mind a free hug every mon and wed on my venture back to my car. LOL.

Tomorrow I have that dreaded math class again. I got a migraine yesterday while there. He goes on and on and over and over the same thing. If he tells us one more time that "when there is no sign in front of a number, it is assumed to be positive," with that cheesy ass grin on his face, i will surely explode. Anyone, and i do mean anyone, who has graduated from high school (which is a prerequisite to college, unless dual enrolled, which would also mean you would have to be of some level of higher intelligence and/or ambition), should know that when there isn't a sign in front of a damn number, it is assumed to be positive. How could someone get to this level of math and not know that? It's a basic fundamental aspect of math. But, he feels the need to reiterate the point over and over. And he loves to say, "And that's how that goes." YOu would just have to sit in on a class to see this man. But, for all that, i have to say, he seems to be a good teacher. He has taught me things in two days that i haven't gotten before. He has a simplistic approach to math and he shows us his way of doing it...which really makes more sense. Prime factoring used to make my head spin and don't even talk about greatest common factors or least common denominators. I always skidded by somehow, but never truly understood those concepts...until now. DUH. they are sooo easy. So, he may be a nut and he may be determined to keep us in class every last minute...down to the second...but i think i will learn a lot of little tricks to make math easier. Of course, for my field, i won't need any more math...but at least, i will know these things should i ever need them again. Like, helping the kids with their math, eh? Oh and that Pre-test he had us do last week? I got 10 right out of the 17 i attempted. It's not exactly good, but better than i expected. No calculators...i depend on them. I know, it's not good, but in all honesty, in today's world, when is there not a calculator accessible? Most cell phones come equipped with a calculator function, a lot of ppl carry one in their purse/briefcase, most homes have a few, the computers have a calculator function...get my drift? But we have to exercise our brains for now.

Gee, im gone for a few days and I am just running off with things to get out. I could go on and on. But, i guess, i need to finish up things online and then head to bed. Mondays and wednesdays are my busiest days, as i have two classes each of those days. I have time to pick kids up, come home, get dinner and rush out the door to the next class. I get home in time to tell jeremy good night and then work on getting kids to sleep. I am hoping that soon the kids will be in bed when i get home. it would be nice, as night time is when i am able to get my homework done easiest. And I like to do my math and get it out of the way so that i have time for my other classes.

Ive been thinking about getting a very part time job...we really need the extra income. But, after going to my 3rd class (last night was my first time in comm class and tomorrow will be first time in english class), i am realizing that I have really put a load on my shoulders and im not sure if i will be able to balance all of the school work/classes, a job and a family. So, i think i will wait a couple weeks and see how things go and then decide.

Well, im off to catch up on blogs and then get some sleep....

damn this phone company

So, i recalled that AOL had a dial-up number that is local for me. I went through the process of trying to install the disc only to keep coming up with an error that wouldn't allow me to connect to finish the sign up process. SO, i called AOL to speak with someone...we go through the whole sign up process, only for her to tell me that my phone company doesn't allow 3rd party billing. WTF?! We don't own credit/debit cards and we don't have a checking account. I know, sounds primitive, but after overdrawing a bank account, we just closed it out and never got another one and use money orders now. It's just easier for us. We do need to get a new checking account, as it has been years, but that's besides the point. ANyway, this phone co., which is Centurytel, has a monopoly on this town. IF you live in this town, you have no choice as to phone co provider. Only can use them. Then, to make it worse, they make it almost impossible to use any other internet provider, but them or cable. Cable internet just isn't in our budget right now. I am going to call the phone co tomorrow (as they only have hours during the day, m-f). I am gonna give them an earfull. I think it is downright rediculous, that in this day in age, I cannot have a choice as to what provider to use for phone/internet. And seems how they don't want to allow 3rd party billing on my phone bill, then, i am going to suggest that htey offer me dial up at the same price AOL was going to give it to me, which is 9.95/mo. I feel so damn frustrated by this. My internet is my one form of entertainment and me time. Not to mention, being in college, having internet will surely come in handy. Can't exactly load up kds to go to the library to use internet.... My college offers free internet to students, but unless they have changed things in the last few years, they don't provide an access number i can use here in this one horse hick town. I am growing to resent this move more and more. I have crappy, drunk, crazy neighbors, who can't mind their own business, Im out in the middle of almost nowhere, and the phone company out here sucks. The only positives is that I am in a nicer school district, nicer trailer and closer to my parents. guess those are big things, but my depression is kicking in, i am just miserable as can be and could run, far away.

Ok, nuff of that crap. I have cleaning to do and a chapter to read and so i must go. It will get better, i know,,it's just surviving until then. I am so sick of one thing after another. IT has to get better. Hope all is well for everyone!

Good-bye for now

Well, i called the phone company today and found out that my phone bill is $300 so far and it's not even a full month yet. Sooo, yeah, it's costing .10 min for being online. That means that I cannot get online anymore. I am using my cousin's laptop with wireless internet....which i wll be able to use at times. I totaly feel as if my whole world has just crashed down. The phone bill, Kenneh having bugs again, being broke, everything going wrong, one thing after another. Nothing seems to go in our favor. I just wanted to give up earlier. I cried, i broke down, i can't keep going on this way. I feel like we are trying to do things to get ahead and yet, we keep getting shoved down. We can't get dsl thru the phone co. bc they require a 50 dollar deposit that we don't have. dsl would be 19.95/month whereas to get dial up through the phone co would be that much or more. blah! cashed his check and we have a whopping 32.00 left for the week. not cool. well, makenneh is climbing all over me so im gonna get off here, before i drop the laptop and have to buy my cousin another one.

take care and i will try to check in as often as possible....i will miss everyone.

Thursday Night Class

Well, last night was my Human Relations/Multi-cultural Communications class. It was at the local brach of the college, so i didn't have to fight parking or anything. And better yet, I have a good professor and I think im going to love this class. On our last day of class for the semester, we are having a food fest, rather than an exam. We have one project to do and a couple reports. Everything is rather informal and can include class interaction. For instance, for our project, we have to pick a culture to learn about. The report only has to be 2 pages...one for our names and all that info, the 2nd is the outline. Then we give a 30 min or longer presentation to the class. Get this...we could even have a guest speaker come in from the culture we chose. There's your presentation. The floor would be open for class to ask the speaker questions and such. An assignment surely can't get much easier than that. You can include artifacts, food, music, dancing, whatever correlates with your culture you choose to present. And ya know what i sat in class thinking....OH HELEN...LOL! I can do a project on English culture and you can be my guest speaker...lol. Of course, im teasing on you being the guest speaker, bc well, England to MI is quite a distance for a 30 min class presentation. Although the class would love your humor and wittiness. It would certainly make for an interesting and fun presentation. The project is of course, not due until closer to the end of the semester, so i have time to think about what i want to do, what culture to present, etc. I have to admit, i am strongly leaning toward English culture bc since "meeting" Helen, I have become fascinated with England even more than ever before.

And for all the complaining I've done about always getting the "by-the-books, up-tight" teachers, this time, i got one of those more laid back, easy going kind of teachers. HE said he won't usually keep us the full 3 hours either. Woot! Last night, he let us out at 7:10ish....we are supposed to be there until 8:55! Oh and he is an LPC...licensed professional counselor, just what I am going for. So, i figure, i could talk to him about his career choice and get pointers. HE is also a LMSW which is a Licensed master social worker. Wowzer. And, do the math..he has been teaching since 1960!!!!! My parents were born in 1960..lol. He is retired, but still teaches part time and intends to do so as long as health allows him.

So, i left last night's class feeling good. I don't have class again til monday, when i have math. Eww, i don't care for that teacher, much. But, need the grade, so i'll deal with him. Monday night i have English102. Hopefully I have a cool teacher for that class too!

I am certain now that dialing up to the internet is going to cost me. We got a thing in the mail from our phone company (i may have mentioned this before) about dialing to internet using long distance..blah blah. Well, we got our little phone book from them yesterday so i started going through it for some reason..and found a section that explains that everything outside of montrose is long distance, however, theyhave this adjacent exchange calling plan that allows us to call into several surrounding cities without dialing an area code. We get 2000 mins a month on this plan that is just standard on the phone line. (i think we have unlimited). But the point is, it clarifies the fact that this is prob going at .10/min to be online. I am not happy. JEremy didn't list me as able to make changes to the phone ( just didn't think about doing it), so he has to deal with them. That's sort of a good thing, as it's one less thing i have to deal with. However, I am more efficient at dealing with these companies and such. Not to mention, he is at work during business hours. They have a special on DSL right now for 19.95/month for a year. that's only 9.00 more than we are paying for dial up. I am thinking of switching and that will eliminate the per min charge and so save us lots of money. I am calling Jeremy at work here in a few mins (his break time) to have him call the phone company and order the dsl.

Today is a rainy day. It's strange bc the sun is trying so hard to shine through the rain/clouds. So, it's not a typical gloomy rainy day, but rather, there is a glow out there to go with the rain.

Well, i need to get some things done around here then get to my mom's. Makenneh stayed there last night. I swear that kid would move in there if she could. she wants to stay all the time. I am so happy that she has that kind of relationship with my parents. It gives me warm fuzzies. Every child deserves at least one set of awesome grandparents. And some are just lucky enough, like me, to have 2! OF course, by the time i was 17, i only had one grandparents living. And Makenneh absolutely adores her! Really, who wouldn't? Grandma T is everything you think of when you think grandma.

Ok, im really off here now.....

3,2,1, blow

I am full of anxiety right now...my chest feels ready to explode and i swear, if these kids don't get to sleep soon, im going to lose any shred of sanity i had.

My day started at 7am. We all had to get up and get ready so i could take jeremy to the clinic for his tooth. There was a long wait and i was beginning to think it was a waste, as i had to be to class by 1pm. They finally called him back and all the could do was write a prescription for motrin and one for an antibiotic. They have to get rid of the infection before doing anything else. he has to see the oral surgeon to have the 2 teeth removed. Niiice. Now, keep in mind this is a clinic based on income...most of thier patience are low income, no insurance for state insurance. So, i take these Rxs to WAlmart to fill. The motrin...4.00. the antibiotic...35.46! So, i left with the rxs in hand, no meds. We have no money...what we did have paid the 25.00 copay and gas today. The car is on E and i have no idea how im getting to class tomorrow night, how we will get his meds so he can get better and have them pulled. I am so done.

I was 10 mins late for my math class (very first class back to college) bc i couldn't find anywhere to park. THe parking there is a huge joke. There is none. When i finally found a place to park, i had to walk a long ways, in these heat and humidity. By the time i got to my class, i was dripping sweat and out of breath. Ugh. Thankfully this is the only class i have at hte main campus, but i do have it twice a week. I will get there a half hour early from now on. Hopefully there are a few more parking spots open at that time. Other than that, the class was fine. the teacher is a bit strange and he did a pre-test today to see where we stand..i swear i failed it. it's not counting as a grade, just more of a personal measurement....that way if we think this class will be too hard, we have plenty of time to transfer or drop. Well, it's not scaring me away. I am just rusty. Once he does his lesson, shows examples, etc, i will be fine. Of course, if today's lessons are any indication, they are going to be long and drawn out..i had to fight to stay awake today. Of course, i had had a long day, preceded by very long week. But, he gave homework....#s 1-73, odd. I got that done shortly after getting home. Then it was cook dinner, bathe kids, get them ready for bed, go go go.

Well, im off here for now....i have to try to relax before my anxiety creeps into my airways and i can't breath. i can feel it coming. aahhhh.

tomorrow night is multi-cultural communications. That's said to be a fun, easy class. Let's hope so. And may i have a laid back, easy going teacher! I seem to always get the stiff, by the books, strict, no personality type of teachers.

Thank the creators of Advil PM

Whew! I love that man, but when he is in pain, he is a grump. I was so glad when he finally took the Advil PM and was sleeping. He was driving me crazy. I know his mouth hurts, but gosh! I know why men don't have children. I felt like i had 3 children to tend to this weekend. But, i spent today away. His mom took me grocery shopping this morning ,then my mom came and got me and the kids. We went to my parents' for a cook out. He stayed home, bc he was feeling lousy and in pain. Fine by me. The kids tired themselves out. Sebastian played on the swing almost all day and Makenneh mothered little Kaden like no other. That poor baby couldn't get a wink's sleep with her around. OK, he did, but it was challenging. She had to hold him, lay by him, give him his "fussy" aka pacifier, hold him some more, have him put in his bouncy seat, back in her arms.....(of course, an adult was doing all the transferring....). She wanted him to go down the little slide. She just couldn't understand why he couldn't. "but I will hold him, mommy." We told her he has to be one before he can go down the little slide. She says, "but i will not be able to hold him when he is big like buddy (Sebastian). It was too cute. She also said he has to stay newborn fo'ever. After all that, we went down to my uncle's (he lives just down the street from mom's). The kids played some more and wore themselves out more. Seb fell asleep on the very short ride home and makenneh was out within probably 45 mins of being home.

I get to wake up in the morning and make a bunch of calls. I have to figure out where Jeremy can go to get his teeth taken care of, get an appt and all that jazz. I really hope he won't have to miss a day of work, but im certain he will and that's going to suck. We can't afford short paychecks right now. But if it's not taken care of, he will end up missing a lot of work. I feel bad for him that he has to go in tomorrow, but the rule with holiday pay is you must come in the day following the holiday or else you don't get your holiday pay....so, must go or missing one day will cost two days. I also have to try to find a way to borrow the money to get the tags on my car so i have a way to school on wednesday. Otherwise, i have no idea what im going to do. And then, if i can borrow this money, i have to get to secretary of state to get said tags. Blah.

Mom said she can watch the kids for me on mon and wed during my 1-3 class. That will be a huge help as that's the only time i need a sitter to go to school. The rest of classes are in evening, after Jeremy is home from work.

Well, im exhausted and have a huge day in front me, even if im doing nothing more than making calls, setting up appointments, begging and pleading for money, discounts, assistance with dental bills, etc. Hopefully I am able to borrow the money and get to sec. of state tomorrow so i don't have that to worry about. It's always something. Thankfully I will be getting back appx $1000 from my financial aid. That is all going to go to getting my car completely fixed, legal, etc. Of course, it's technically going to pay back those who made it all possible in the first place. Hah, after all that, gotta have money to put gas in the tank, lol. darn things. air is free, why can't htey run on air? hahahhaa. Im just trying to find humor in this dismal situation im in. It will get better. I know it will. It has to.

Have my mentioned my neighbor next door is a lunatic? i am so sick of her already and we haven't been here but a few weeks. Everyone in here has those yappy little ankle-biting dogs. Not that i completely hate said little yappy dogs, but when every home around you has one or two or even three....grrr. These dogs yap at everything. Well, the one neighbor's does. She has a motion light on the front of her trailer that is set to go off every damn time i step off my porch or pull in my driveway. Tonight, mom pulls up, light goes on. We get out, i get in trunk, come in to deposit diaper bag and other stuff. Go back out to get Seb out of car seat..he is sleeping...that damn dog is yapping away...AT ME, in MY OWN FREAKIN DRIVEWAY! That irritates me. But, such is life. right? Not if you are my neighbor. My mom gets some windex and paper towel and goes out to clean her windshield bc it's so dirty....that lady is in her house, bitching about my cat being out and making her dog bark (my cat was inside, but whatever). She goes so far as to say, that damn get is out again, im gonna kill it. Niiiiice. It wouldn't even bother me so much if she would have walked her miserable ass over here and said, hey, ur damn cat is out, making my dog bark...can you get it inside. Bc then i could have told her....im sorry ma'am (hahahah, normally i wouldn't, but sometimes, you just gotta), but my cat is inside. Perhaps if you set your motion light to a shorter distance, so it didn't go off every time i step off my porch or pull in my driveway, the dog wouldn't bark. but, instead, she is passive aggressive and sits in her house bitching loud enough for me to hear. I miss my old place. not the trailer itself, but the park. I feel like a damn prisoner in my home here. I feel like every move is under scrutiny by the bored lady next door who has no life. My inlaws pull up yesterday, she is right there, looking out. I don't worry myself with what any of my neighbors do, i don't expect them to worry themselves with what i am doing. I am here to put a roof over my family and nothing more. I don't want to concern myself with anyone else's drama. I don't want to deal with miserable ppl, i don't want to walk on egg shells, i don't want all my comings and goings monitored by nosy neighbors.....just leave me be, thankyouverymuch. If my tv is up too loud or im throwing a wild party and guests are running nude down the street, concern yourself. If my kids are throwing toys at your window, concern yourself...but damn it, live your life and let me live mine. If it doesn't get better, I may seriously consider having this trailer moved to another park. MOst parks will pay to move it if you are moving into their park, bc they want your monthly lot rent. Im going to keep that in mind as an option. I do have to mention though, that as i was walking back from the little store in front of the park, one neighbor lady stopped to introduce herself and was very kind. Why can't she and her husband be my next door neighbor? I certainly can't seem to win for losing. what gives?

Well, im off to bed...im exhausted and stressed and ready to vomit.

...and the ugly gets uglier

So, if you haven't read my post before this one, you may want to read it first, so this makes sense...but either way....

It's 434am and Jeremy is on his way to the emergency room. I posted my last blog and then read some posts on BZ and got to bed around 2am. Jeremy couldn't sleep still and was tossing, turning, writhing in pain. Finally, i start to dose and he cries out, "I can't take this any more." He asks if he can take more motrin and I told him yes, it' s on the counter. He is out and about, getting meds, gargling with peroxide, etc. He comes back in the room and is in tears, full fledge crying in pain. I can tell he is in real pain. I feel so damned helpless as there is just nothing more i can do for him. I rub his back, i try to sooth him (mommy instincts kick in, ya know). I finally asked if he wanted to go to ER. Well, things like that aren't that simple when you have no freakin car. So, I knew i would have to call someone. Who in the hell do you wake up at 3ish am? For myself, it's a no-brainer. I call my mom. I am a mommy's girl anyway, especially when in pain. Not to mention, my mom wouldn't hesitate to get me in, no matter the time of day (or night as it may be). But, i kinda think, why in the hell should she have to get up to take her son-in-law in when he has a mom, too. Of course, his mom isn't as awesome as mine and well...what can ya do? I also felt bad bc i knew my mom was up/out late with Makenneh at my uncle's bday celebration. And at the same time (yes, my mind jumps quick), i thought, oh shit, dad has to leave for work soon anyway, so she won't be able to take him. Bc i seriously was going to call my mom over his, just bc i know my mom is better about this stuff. But, i figure, ya know, his mom has called in the middle of night for rides home from the bar, she has called in the night to get rides to hospital, etc. We have done our share of taking her, spending hours on end in two different ERs. So, she can do this for her son. I call, tell her that Jeremy is in severe pain with his tooth and wants to go to ER. I told her several times that he is crying. Guys don't just cry..especially not mine. She says, do you have some whiskey. Yes, we do. WEll, rub that on there, have him gargle with warm salt water, blah blah. She doesn't want to take him in. I told her that he has gargled with peroxide, used orajel, a toothache med that came in a cavity repair kit my dad had bought, he has taken half of a vicoden, more motrin in the last 12 hours than he has probably taken his entire life...all to no avail. She still keeps repeating the whiskey and salt water things. UGh...so furious, i let her go. I figured we would never do anything for her again...damn. Well, he is in so much pain and now furious that his own mother won't take him to the ER. Next thing i know, he has clothes on and grabs shoes. I ask what he is doing..he said walking ot the hospital. The closest one is like 20 miles or so away. Not to mention, its not in a safe neighborhood. I told him to wait a minute and i would find someone to take him. I pick up phone, start to call his mom. he takes off walking. I can't chase after him and leave the kids here sleeping. I told her that he is heading out the door to walk to hospital bc he is in THAT much pain. she says, ok im on my way. Grrr, why couldn't she have just done that in the first place?! Now, im here, in tears and frantic bc he is walking down the road, in the dark, dark clothes, in pain and quite pissed. He got a good mile and a half before he called me back (I had kept calling ihs cell, but service is touch and go out here). I told him his mom was on her way. She ended up picking him up and they are probably at the hospital by now. I just slumped into a sob after she called to tell me she had him in her car and they were on their way.

To top it off, he only has medicaid (state ins) with a 70.00 copay or whatever you want to call it. We have to pay the first 70.00 of medical bills each month before medicaid will pick up the bill. We don't have $70 to spare. But, when you are in that bad of pain, you have to do something. I figured we would get him there and taken care of and hopefully the rest will work out. I am so sick of all these issues. So then, the hospital our doctor is associated with is about 40 miles away. If our medicaid is straight medicaid, he can go to the closer hospital (which is also a state funded hospital that turn away ppl without ins.). The problem is, im not sure what he has, bc at one time we had Health Plus Partners. IF that's what we have now, he has to go to the further away hospital, which his mom didn't really want to take him to...so i told her to take him to the closer one and im sure once they run the insurance, they will let him know if he has to go to the other one (they did this with his mom last time we had to take her). I am here with the kids and feel bad for not going with him, but my mom is sleeping and i felt foolish waking her up to come sit with kids so i could go with him...we are adults, his mom is with him and sometimes you have to do things this way. I just feel bad..he was always with me when i went when i was having all my gall bladder pains. But, we also had a car back then and would take kids to my moms or she would come get them.

Ok, i guess i have vented enough. I just feel like falling in a heap. Yet, i don't know that i can sleep. As if i didn't have enough on my plate already, dish up some more! Say some prayers that everything turns out ok (from him being able to get this pain taken care of without having to miss work that we can't afford to the bill working out so we don't have to pay through the roof for this visit and any subsequent visits.)

The good, the bad, the downright ugly

First, the good news! The car is fixed. Well, even that has a "but". The immediate problems are fixed. But, i still have to shell out 89.00 for tags(which i don't have) and it needs a front end alignment and new tires. (there's another few hundred dollars). So, mom and dad bought the parts to fix the initial problems and I will pay them back with my refund from financial aid. That was almost $300. *choke, cough, puke* So, im excited, but not overjoyed, as the car still must sit at mom and dad's. I guess we are just that much closer to having it back.

The bad...we checked our fancy new mailbox today (it's those ones that are locked, at the front of the community...). We had like 4 or 5 letters from our phone company. One giving us the run down on the plans we chose, one explaining the credit bureau they use for credit checks, one from when i originally had it started in my name (but canceled hours later), and the last one explained our choice of Unlimited Plan. I must first say that the area I live in has one phone company to choose from...wait, that's not a choice, is it? Anyway, the prefix to my home phone is "abc"(-1234). Well, the area that has this small prefix is well, a very small town (I refer to it as a one-horse town). It is nothing much more than a stop light in town. In the past, having a phone in this area, meant you could call this one horse town or it was long distance. In other words, to call my sister, who lives in the next town over, it would be long distance (thus racking up a phone bill). More recently, they have made it to where you can call the surrounding cities and even the larger city we are nearest. Well, I don't have to dial the area code to access these other cities, but im not sure if it's still considered long distance. Maybe it's just a brain fart...but i am not 100% certain that they eliminated the "long distance" aspect of surrounding cities. Anyway, i know im babbling...but to get to the point, this letter we got in the mail said that "The Unlimited Plan is available for typical residential voice usage only. Long distance fax and data(including long distance calls to a dial-up internet provider) will be billed at .10/min." WTF? So, are we being charged, the past couple weeks for every ~MINUTE~ we have been online? Bc if so, our phone bill is through the roof already. I feel this is a very important "piece of information" that perhaps, they should have shared with us when we called to get the phone turned on and chose this "plan". So, Im hoping that seems I don't have to dial the area code to reach these cities, that it isn't considered long distance still by the phone company(as i know less than 10 yrs ago, it was, although then, you had to dial 1 then area code). I am a bit nervous to even be on the internet. And wouldn't you know it, i get this on Saturday, of a holiday weekend and this company is so "out of date" they don't offer 24 hr customer service. They have regular old m-f, 8-5 hours. They certainly won't be open monday as it is Labor Day weekend. So, i can't call to verify anything. I tried accessing their website, but you must have an account number, from your bill, which i haven't received yet, bc this is a new service...grrrr.

Now to the ugly...there are 2 of them, really. The first is the worst. Makenneh stayed at my mom's last night. I call my mom this morning (around 1030) to see what the plan was for the day and she informs me that she is picking nits out of Makenneh's hair. I grew queasy very quickly. Then i fumed. Where the hell did they come from? I don't want to go through this shit again. SO, while still on the phone to mom, Jeremy starts looking at Seb's head...finds a bug right off the bat. I was ready for melt down. One saving grace was, i had plenty of lice shampoo and other stuff from the last round with these pesty things. So, i treat all of our heads here...comb through seb's hair, find nothing more, after inspection. Of course, you know how it goes, you are itching your head right now, just thinking about it aren't you? Yep, i haven't been able to stop itching since i found out. I have treated my head..ran a comb through it the best i can with nothing on the comb. Yet, i itch. My whole body itches. I don't think i will be able to relax until i have my mom check my head. So, my kids have only been around 3 other kids: Stephanie, who has stayed with us most of the summer, with no incident, Desiree, who stayed a few nights ago, but does live with Steph, so hard to say. Then there is the two little cousins, whom i suspected last time and whom my mom has found bugs in their hair. We will call them K and K. Well, last week, during our move, mom had the kids for me, one day. K and K were at their grandma's house (who lives next door, who is also my dad's neice). So, Im thinking, once again, that's where they came from. THis kid always is digging her head, last time when we had this and my mom found bugs in k's hair, she told the gma, who then said she would treat, but we found out, she did shampoo, but only the two little ones and didn't treat the home (not even the mom's home). So, we know they don't take care of the problem correctly. I decided today that my kids are not allowed to play with those kids anymore. I know it may hurt feelings and could cause familial issues, but the things is, when my kids get lice, it hurts my pocketbook, my sanity and ruins the day for me. NOt to mention, my kids then have to endure the whole treatment process, be exposed to harmful chemicals and sit forever while i pick nits. Not fair to me or my kids. So, let them get mad, hurt, upset, angry. Maybe they will see that they have to treat this properly and get rid of it. I can't imagine just letting my kids run around, digging at theirs heads and not even think about checking/treating for lice. It makes me wanna puke. How could someone do that? So, out of all this ugliness, the one good thing is, i didn't have to buy the treatments this time. That was a life saver as we simply don't have the extra money right now.

The other ugly is that Jeremy's back tooth is rotted. HE has had issues with his teeth forever. He had a bike accident when he was a kid...over the handlebars, knocked out some teeth, deadened some of them, etc. Well, this tooth is horrible looking. It hurts him, he is miserable. We have no insurance. I am going to have to call around on tues to try to figure something out before he gets infection and bigger problems. When it rains, it pours. i have had my share of downs, im ready for some ups!

So yeah, my last weekend before plunging into college is spent miserably. What gives?! Maybe i can look forward to classes as a vacation?! Of course, if i don't get something solved about the tags on the car, i won't be worrying about classes, bc i will have no way there and will have to drop them. My mom doesn't have a car during the day and my dad doesn't get home until after my night classes start...so they can't help and everyone i can think of has work. Because I used finacial aid, i cannot just wait and see...if i can't get there, i have to withdraw from them, bc otherwise, i will not be eligible for financial aid until after i pay for a semester, which i can't see myself affording that any time in my near future. So, yeah, a lot on my plate, starting to feel overwhelmed and ready to bury my head in some sand. I am fighting the urge...bc that wouldn't solve anything, but im reaching a point where i feel i can't keep going at it.

Now, im off to scratch some very hopefully and most likely imaginary bugs in my head...lol