...and the ugly gets uglier

So, if you haven't read my post before this one, you may want to read it first, so this makes sense...but either way....

It's 434am and Jeremy is on his way to the emergency room. I posted my last blog and then read some posts on BZ and got to bed around 2am. Jeremy couldn't sleep still and was tossing, turning, writhing in pain. Finally, i start to dose and he cries out, "I can't take this any more." He asks if he can take more motrin and I told him yes, it' s on the counter. He is out and about, getting meds, gargling with peroxide, etc. He comes back in the room and is in tears, full fledge crying in pain. I can tell he is in real pain. I feel so damned helpless as there is just nothing more i can do for him. I rub his back, i try to sooth him (mommy instincts kick in, ya know). I finally asked if he wanted to go to ER. Well, things like that aren't that simple when you have no freakin car. So, I knew i would have to call someone. Who in the hell do you wake up at 3ish am? For myself, it's a no-brainer. I call my mom. I am a mommy's girl anyway, especially when in pain. Not to mention, my mom wouldn't hesitate to get me in, no matter the time of day (or night as it may be). But, i kinda think, why in the hell should she have to get up to take her son-in-law in when he has a mom, too. Of course, his mom isn't as awesome as mine and well...what can ya do? I also felt bad bc i knew my mom was up/out late with Makenneh at my uncle's bday celebration. And at the same time (yes, my mind jumps quick), i thought, oh shit, dad has to leave for work soon anyway, so she won't be able to take him. Bc i seriously was going to call my mom over his, just bc i know my mom is better about this stuff. But, i figure, ya know, his mom has called in the middle of night for rides home from the bar, she has called in the night to get rides to hospital, etc. We have done our share of taking her, spending hours on end in two different ERs. So, she can do this for her son. I call, tell her that Jeremy is in severe pain with his tooth and wants to go to ER. I told her several times that he is crying. Guys don't just cry..especially not mine. She says, do you have some whiskey. Yes, we do. WEll, rub that on there, have him gargle with warm salt water, blah blah. She doesn't want to take him in. I told her that he has gargled with peroxide, used orajel, a toothache med that came in a cavity repair kit my dad had bought, he has taken half of a vicoden, more motrin in the last 12 hours than he has probably taken his entire life...all to no avail. She still keeps repeating the whiskey and salt water things. UGh...so furious, i let her go. I figured we would never do anything for her again...damn. Well, he is in so much pain and now furious that his own mother won't take him to the ER. Next thing i know, he has clothes on and grabs shoes. I ask what he is doing..he said walking ot the hospital. The closest one is like 20 miles or so away. Not to mention, its not in a safe neighborhood. I told him to wait a minute and i would find someone to take him. I pick up phone, start to call his mom. he takes off walking. I can't chase after him and leave the kids here sleeping. I told her that he is heading out the door to walk to hospital bc he is in THAT much pain. she says, ok im on my way. Grrr, why couldn't she have just done that in the first place?! Now, im here, in tears and frantic bc he is walking down the road, in the dark, dark clothes, in pain and quite pissed. He got a good mile and a half before he called me back (I had kept calling ihs cell, but service is touch and go out here). I told him his mom was on her way. She ended up picking him up and they are probably at the hospital by now. I just slumped into a sob after she called to tell me she had him in her car and they were on their way.

To top it off, he only has medicaid (state ins) with a 70.00 copay or whatever you want to call it. We have to pay the first 70.00 of medical bills each month before medicaid will pick up the bill. We don't have $70 to spare. But, when you are in that bad of pain, you have to do something. I figured we would get him there and taken care of and hopefully the rest will work out. I am so sick of all these issues. So then, the hospital our doctor is associated with is about 40 miles away. If our medicaid is straight medicaid, he can go to the closer hospital (which is also a state funded hospital that turn away ppl without ins.). The problem is, im not sure what he has, bc at one time we had Health Plus Partners. IF that's what we have now, he has to go to the further away hospital, which his mom didn't really want to take him to...so i told her to take him to the closer one and im sure once they run the insurance, they will let him know if he has to go to the other one (they did this with his mom last time we had to take her). I am here with the kids and feel bad for not going with him, but my mom is sleeping and i felt foolish waking her up to come sit with kids so i could go with him...we are adults, his mom is with him and sometimes you have to do things this way. I just feel bad..he was always with me when i went when i was having all my gall bladder pains. But, we also had a car back then and would take kids to my moms or she would come get them.

Ok, i guess i have vented enough. I just feel like falling in a heap. Yet, i don't know that i can sleep. As if i didn't have enough on my plate already, dish up some more! Say some prayers that everything turns out ok (from him being able to get this pain taken care of without having to miss work that we can't afford to the bill working out so we don't have to pay through the roof for this visit and any subsequent visits.)