Everthing has been going to hell around here. In the past couple of months, I have had to absorb the following:
My mom's cousin, who is 40, had a heart attack. The heart specialist said his heart looks like that of a 70 yr old man's. They couldn't operate on him at the time bc of his conditions...still waiting for updates on that.
My mom's other cousin (on the other side of her family) was diagnosed with lung cancer. They said it's only a small spot and should be treatable.
My uncle (mom's brother in law) was supposed to go in for back surgery. They did the pre op screening and the doc didn't like the ekg..so sent him to a heart specialist, who ordered a stress test. They discovered that 2 valves are 100% blocked and one is 70% blocked. He goes back in on the 21st i believe and they will schedule him for a triple bi-pass. He is in early-mid 40s.
On the bright side here, the doc said it was a pure act of God that his heart has no damage. Most often, with that severe of blockage, the heart is damaged. He also told them that had his doc not ordered the specialist visit, and they proceeded with his back surgery, he would have died on the table.
Then, my mom just called me to tell me that my other uncle (her brother), Mark, has luekemia. It's not the life threatening form, i guess. I don't know. It's all new news. He is only in his early 30s and has already been diagnosed with MS.
It's just crazy..all these ppl are around the same age or younger than my parents. Why does life have to be sooo darn mean? Why can't we just live and be happy and when it's our time to go, just go, peacefully? Why do we have to deal with cancer, heart problems, lung problems, diabetes, and all the other disorders? Is life not hectic enough without having to live on pins and needles worrying about what disease or disorder you will acquire along the way?
I'm just starting to feel overwhelmed. I have suffered a lot of loss in my short 25 yrs of life. I have lost 3 grandparents, Jeremy's papa, an aunt, at least 6 great aunts and great uncles, 2 2nd cousins, several family friends, including my best friend's gma, my other best friend's baby, just off the top of my head. I just feel that I have dealt with my share of death for a long time. I could draw you a layout of several of the local funeral homes, from memory. I have spent too much time in them!
And hospitals....I have frequented the hospitals enough in my life to visit family in icu, ccu, etc. It's just rediculous.
I don't want to answer my phone anymore unless it's good news! I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone, unless they will have good news. Let me just hide away in my bedroom and escape to a place where we can truly enjoy life, we can celebrate it, we can be content and free from all the horrors that is life. The rate at which ppl are being diagnosed with cancers and heart disease, etc, makes me wonder why i brought kids into this world. Why did i subject them to this life that is so full of death? I feel like the world is just black. There is little to no light in it.
*sigh*
3 comments:
I wish I had words of wisdom for you. At times, I worry about the world my children will live in the rest of their lives. At the same time, I feel they are my life. If I had it to do all over again, I would.
But words of wisdom, nope. Just hope. Hope for a bright future. At least in my little corner of the world.
I too lost a lot of people in my young life. Teachers, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and friends. Most before finishing high school.
While I'm rambling....:) My Dad (crab that he is!) had a quadruple bypass a few years ago. He had 90% blockage in three valves and they weren't sure of the 4th. But when they went in, they had to do the 4th as well. He is doing great now. He too had no damage to his heart. He is 69 years old (young) and he plays softball and he still hunts and fishes. It is a long haul back. And they have to eat better. But it can be done. He can go on to live at least another 40 years.
Sorry for the book. :)
God bless you! I wish you nothing but good news! Your the sweetest!
Christina, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now. As you know I will add all of these to my prayer list and let your Uncle Mark know that I will be thinking about him and praying for him. I understand a little of what you are going through. My mom just found out this week that she may need to have the bypass stuff as well we just don't know to what exstint yet. She goes to have ultrasounds done on the 10th but I told her to call the doctor and let him know that they wouldn't schedule her earlier because he wanted it done within the week. Anyway, it sucks being so far away from her as well because I can't be there to help. I hope that things get better for you and that the sun starts to shine for you. Miss you so much!
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