Busy, Busy

It's that time of the semester in which everything is winding down, papers are due, exams to be taken. My head is spinning. I still have 4 modules to do for my computer class and 7 days to do them in. I have a grant to write within 8 days and really, I guess that's all. I took my exam for my Practicum class today and feel I did great. I also finished 3 of my modules for computers, which left me the 4 to complete. I did figure my grade and even if i didn't get those 4 done, I would get a 70% for the class. Nothing I would normally be happy with, but at this point, I just want it over with.

I also want all this sickness over with. My gosh it is ridiculous. I am finally feeling better but still don't have all my energy back. Now, Jeremy, my dad and mom have it to different degrees. Last night, I was in bed, and jumped up thinking I had to throw up. I felt so sick to my stomach, it was horrible. I opted to sleep with a bucket next to my bed. Just in case.

We had the kids' bday party for family on Sunday. That went well. My brother always insists on getting them obnoxious toys like water guns....paybacks are a B*%ch.

Carrie goes back to the OB on May 5th and they will set her up for surgery. She doesn't have a lot of confidence in this doctor, because he has been her OB through the whole pregnancy. We have told her that if she doesn't have faith in him, she has the right to request a different surgeon. The problem is, who do you get to do such a delicate surgery? And her OB was a board certified surgeon before he was an OB. He is either the only double board certified OB or one of a few. He also has the highest delivery rate for our area. I just don't know what to think about the whole thing. Ultimately, I think initial anger wants us to find somewhere to place blame, it's the human nature. The truth is, some things like this just happen and it's not necessarily the fault of anyone in particular. However, our family doc did say that most likely what happened is she tore worse than they realized, they missed that part of the tear and now it means major surgery to fix it. So, on that account, well, the docs should have paid closer attention. But, as our family doc also said, she has a healthy baby and a lot to be thankful. it could have gone a lot worse than it did. And that's for sure. So, we will continue to pray and ask for prayers, that the outcome of the surgery is successful. One of the largest concerns with this surgery is that there is a high rate of infection. So, let's pray that that isn't the case with her. She has been through enough and a bit of give would be great! Liberty is doing well, although her biliruben count is high, so they have her a bili blanket. It went down and then back up again, from what I understand. Hopefully that resolves itself soon. We just took her yesterday for another poke at the lab to test her biliruben.

Well, I have to get on my homework....time is running out!!! Have a great night and I will try to check in soon!

Glorious Sunshine

Although my heart isn't feeling it. It just seems that lately things have turned upside down. The other day, my cousin found out that she is in fact, not pregnant. She tested positive, had to wait forever to get to the OB and they did an ultrasound and discovered that there was an amniotic sac with no baby in it and a cyst on one of her ovaries. She and her husband are devastated. I do so hope that in 3 months, when they get the all clear and can try again, that it works out for them.

Last night, my mom informs me that a guy I used to date before Jeremy passed away March 30th. They say your first love will always have a place in your heart. For me, that isn't true. I don't waste space on Mike. Bleh. However, in the short time I dated Brian, he grabbed a piece of my heart and will always be there. He was battling Hodgkin's Disease when I met him. I didn't let that bother me, I accompanied him on his chemo trips, I sat at his side as he vomited uncontrollably, I helped him in and out of the tub when he was so sick from treatments. I didn't bat an eye. But, he felt that he couldn't put me through that and that I deserved more than he could ever offer. We remained friends and stayed in touch on and off. I am glad that he is no longer suffering, but I feel a sort of emptiness that he is gone. Life is crazy sometimes.

Anyway, my mom decided to get my children chicks for their bday. So, today we got them...6 of them, because you have to buy them in lots of 6. I forewarned her that I would take no part in their care...not my idea. NOpe. I hate taking care of animals in the winter or hot summer. nothankyou. But hte kids love them and think they are great and for a while, well, they will enjoy them and then the novelty will wear off, the chicks will grow to chickens and well, it will still be fun gathering eggs, until that novelty wears off and then it will be a bummer.

Tomorrow is their little bday party for family. OF course, today would have been the better day for it, because it was beautiful out. But, I planned for Sunday and well, it's going to be in the 50s with chance of rain. Oh well. I will honestly be glad when it's done and over. Bad I know, but being sick has taken its toll on me and I am just tired and blah feeling. I want to go to sleep and sleep for a month. Wake up feeling refreshed, energized, and back to normal.

Nothing is going as it should

More prayer requests, please!!!!!! Carrie hasn't felt right in her nether regions since giving birth. I didn't know what to tell her because, well, you just had a baby, it was a bit rough of a delivery and my last one was 4 yrs ago. The Lord has a great way of blessing us with memory lapses when it comes to child birth. His insurance that life will go on, I suppose. Anyway, finally yesterday something happened that prompted her to call her OB. I won't go into detail here because it is her private story (no pun intended). WEll, the OB's answer was, "I can see you tomorrow at 2". MOm said like hell it will wait. So they called our family doctor who said to get to ER because she needed to be seen. AFter being there a few hours, a staff member comes in and tells them they have to get the baby out of there bc someone has spinal meningitis and they are unsure if it is the bacterial or viral form. So, mom had to leave Carrie at the ER and bring Liberty home. Meanwhile Ralph was out of town on work, a good hour plus away from home, about 2 hrs from hospital. I had Makenneh's bday party at McDonalds for her class friends. But, when I get out of McD's, I call and learn that Liberty had to leave the hospital so I told mom I would meet her at Carrie's to get Liberty. I got to watch the little peanut and even feed her a bottle, to which I have to say, was not pleasant. This child is every bit a booby baby. She wrinkled her face up something fierce at that nasty formula. 7 hours after getting there, Carrie was able to come home, with no answers, really. Liberty was happy to be able to get back on the booby and all was well.

Until today. Carrie went in at 2 to see the OB. She was informed that there is a tear btwn her vagina and rectum that will require surgery and in some instances, patients end up with colostomy bags. She is 25 yrs old. She is otherwise healthy. Please say prayers that this goes well. They don't understand what caused it because she only had a 2nd degree tear during delivery, which is common. I had that with Makenneh. Usually this injury happens when a woman rips from end to end and beyond. At any rate, Carrie and Ralph are both upset and quite honestly, I am too. I cried for her. She should be able to enjoy her baby without this dark cloud hanging over her. Nothing has gone as it should with this pregnancy.

Oh and to top it off, I get to Carrie's last night and before Ralph and my mom leave, their cat fell off the coffee table. He hit a landslide of magazines and such and fell. Ended up breaking his hip and/or legs. So, that was one more thing Ralph had to deal with. I thought he was going to cry. The cat will have to go down because it will cost far too much to fix him and he is quite old and very obese. So sad. So, the past couple weeks have been one big ordeal after another. I am most often too mentally and physically exhausted to update here. But, I knew I needed to because Carrie needs all the prayers and positive thoughts she can get right now.

Other than that, Easter went well, despite the cloud of cooties looming over most of us. I still feel quite under the weather and can't wait for this to lift. Now mom has it and so does dad. Hopefully they get rid of it and all the bugs/germs/sickies are gone for some time!!!

I can't end this post without a little about my big girl's bday. Makenneh turned 6 yesterday. We had a bday party at McDonald's with a few of her friends from school. IT was loud and crazy but they all had a good time. I can't believe that my little girl is getting soooo big. Having Liberty around has really hit a spot for me. I want a redo with my babies. I realize how much I missed because of the postpartum depression. I wish I would have snuggled a little more and worried a lot less. I wish I would have just enjoyed that sweet innocent phase and not taken one moment of it for granted. Instead, I was deep in depression and despair. Makenneh was a very trying baby (still is a trying child, truth be told) but I wonder how much things could have been better if I weren't so stressed/depressed. But, we cannot go back-only forward. I do know I spent a lot of time holding them as babies. Especially Makenneh. She was most content while being held close to me. We even slept that way. Many nights, her on my chest, me on the loveseat. It seemed to be the only way either of us got any rest. But, now she is 6 and she is becoming more and more independent. She does still love to cuddle though and I remind myself to take advantage of those moments for they will soon be gone. Happy Birthday my little princess!!!!

WEll, I am going to go for now. I have work to do!

Wouldn't you know...

I caught the bug, full force. Complete with fever, chills, body ache, the works. I don't think I have ever been this sick. I struggled to make it through my two classes today. During my 2nd class is when it really started to hit me. It was horrible. My legs ached soo bad and my face was on fire. On a good note, Makenneh is on the upswing. She still has the cough but said she feels better. Now, if only Sebastian can avoid it.

Carrie is coming down with it as well, which isn't good when you consider the coughing that racks your body and she is only 5 days postpartum. Also, she had to take Liberty back to the lab today to test her biliruben levels. The doctor called and ordered a bili-blanket which has already been dropped off to the house. The doctor's office said they would be in for a few more hours so if she had any questions/concerns to call. They also told her that if she needs to call after they are gone, they will be sure to get the call right through to the doctor. This is one of teh many reason I love my doctor (she and her family go to the same doc as us).

Well, other than that, everyone is well. I have to get off here and go lay down.

Ohhh lala, a few pics....

Courtesy of my soon-to-be sister-in-law....

My brother and baby Liberty


There she is...can you believe she is 4 weeks early? Look at her chunk!!!



Awww, you can see her face....isn't she just precious?

A great idea

I am so over all the sickies that seem to be running rampant around here. It seems, for the better part of the past few months, I have been up to my eyebrows in diarrhea, puke, runny noses, coughs, and even fevers. I am so ready for it to be over. One thing cycles after another. The latest is Makenneh having a cough and fever. My kids rarely ever run fevers. Hers is hitting around 102, has gone as high as 103.2. Thankfully, a dose of ibuprofen brings it right back down. Now, I have the cough, with that feeling in my chest of impending bronchitis or something similar. I said to makenneh, I hope we can finally get better and stay better. We have had our share of sickness in this house for awhile. To which she replies, "I think you and me should pack up our clothes and stuff and go stay somewhere." Hah, wouldn't that be great. It's funny how kids' minds work.
As for me, I am slathered in Vicks and eating vitamins, in hopes of beating this stuff. It is bugging me that I have a brand new niece and can't go visit her because I am covered in cooties.

Im still waiting on mom to upload the pics of Liberty so I can share them. She has been staying with Carrie and Ralph and so, the camera is over there, filling up with many pictures of the new bundle. And that bundle had to go to the doctor today for her first visit. She is slightly dehydrated, so he wants Carrie to give Liberty some water. She isn't too fond of that idea because she is breastfeeding. Hopefully everything will go well with it. She has to take her back in again tomorrow, to get poked. They are checking for jaundice, because she is slightly yellow. Her levels today were right at the border, but the doctor surmises that with the extra fluids, that will take care of it. But, at any rate, mom and baby are doing well and I am sad because i am stuck here in this house of cooties until who knows when. Please send us your healthy vibes...we need them very much.

They are home!!

Liberty came home today! She and mommy are both doing well. She is such a content little baby. Hopefully it stays that way. I was very disappointed with the hospital though - i may have mentioned this the other night- but they only have lactation consultants available during the week (mon-thurs) so forget having a baby and needing help with breastfeeding fri-sun. I felt so bad for my sister as she was trying to get the hang of it. I have been there and know how frustrating it can be. And I also know that with proper support, you can overcome that initial stage and be successful. It seems to be going a bit better for her now and I hope it continues to do so, as she and Liberty both get the hang of it. We are all going to write the hospital about that.

So, I had a crummy day! Not sure why. Maybe it's the mix of adrenaline, fatigue, PMS (maybe it's coming), I don't know. But, at any rate, I was just a ball of frustration and out of sorts today. I was actually quite beside myself. Felt myself coming and going. Then, to top it all off, I pull into Walmart, after leaving my sister's and park, look at the Kroger ad, to see what I needed to price match(was just grabbing a few things). I get out, walk around the car to get Sebastian out and realize I had parked next to Harold (Desiree's umm, i don't know what you would call him). I didn't even look at him. I wanted to spit in his direction, but fortunately, I have more restraint and maybe just a tad more class than that. So, I get the kids, and just hope he doesn't say anything to me because with the day I had today, I probably would have given him a piece of my mind. Then, to be honest, on the other hand, I was sort of hoping he would say something, so I could say to him: You are a worthless excuse for a man and I want nothing to do you with you. I have my children with me, so I will keep this decent, but just know that I do care for you and the things you have done and I prefer you to never speak to me again. What kind of man walks away from his only child like that, after she loses her mom?

That's the type of things I would love to say to him. I don't hate him, it's not in my being to hate. Not to mention, hate requires a level of emotion he isn't worthy of. So anyway, I come home, crabby and Jeremy comes out and asked what is wrong. This is where I am reminded that men truly are from Mars. I said, -I have had a crummy day, I am beside myself and to top it off, I have to park next to that worthless piece of crap who thinks he can call himself a father.

To which my Martian husband replies, "I just don't understand why you allow yourself to get all worked up over that stuff and let it ruin your whole day."

Me-It didn't ruin my whole day, I told you it topped it off. (Pause). But yes, I do get worked up over it a bit. I am angry. ANGRY! He gets to walk this Earth while my aunt is DEAD! It angers me! /end rant.

Such a typical male response. I wasn't mad at him for it. And I didn't yell when i said it. but, it kinda felt good to say those words out loud.

So, that was my crummy day in a nutshell. I do still feel a bit beside myself, but as much as I did earlier.

I will post more pics of Liberty once we get them on the computer. She is so precious. I have to say that Carrie mentioned today that she thinks Liberty looks like me. Awwww, poor little thing. LOL. Nah, i said, OH how nice! As I snuggled her up to me. So nice to have a baby that doesn't keep you up at night. When she cries, I can give her back. Hehehhhehe!

Introducing.....

Liberty Grace
Born 04/02/2009 at 10:53pm
7lbs 6oz
19.5inches

She is absolutely perfect. However, her birth story isn't. I am dead tired, just got home about 20 mins ago (230am). But,. the short of it is, They put the gel on her cervix at 9am, broke her water at 1130am. It took forever for her to start contractions. They had to keep upping her pitocin. She dialated to 3 and stayed there for quite some time. Finally, after hours, she began to get good, steady contractions. When they came, they sure did come. Toward the end, the baby's heart rate would drop drastically during contractions. Around this time, Carrie was about ready to push. Every time she would push, the heartrate would drop real low. The doctor finally told her she had 2 more chances but after that, it would have to be a C-section bc the baby wasn't tolerating the pushing. She said that usually motivates moms to push with all they have. Sure enough. But, it doesn't stop there. LIberty just didn't want to come out and so they had to use the vaccuum extractor on her and after her head was delivered, carrie had trouble pushing to get shoulders out. It was horrible. I have never been so in awe and terrified at the same time. She finally was able to do it and Liberty came out crying. It was very long, tiring and trying. Carrie did not like for me to be out of the room, so it was especially tough for me. I was her labor coach for hte most part. We got through. I did decide though that I don't really ever care to see childbirth again. Been there, did that, and almost didn't make it. IT is so horrible to watch someone you love go through that level of pain and not be able to do anything about it. During the peaks of some of those contracts, she would just look at me, wild eyed, as if begging me to help. All I could do was massage, encourage to breath, nice and slow, and breath with her. But, a really neat tidbit - I GOT TO CUT THE CORD!!!! Daddy didn't want to, so I did. That was quite neat.

Baby is doing pretty good but because Carrie had to go on Magnesium to prevent siezures (due to the pre-eclampsia), the baby was a bit groggy and slow at breathing. But, she did quite well. THey still have to have her on a monitor for 24 hours because of the Mag. Just to make sure baby has no ill side effects. But, Carrie is able to breast feed her and she is doin gquite well with that. Except for feeding, though, the baby has to stay in the nursery on teh monitors. However,Carrie and Ralph can go in anytime to see her. So, anyway, baby is well, mom is well and now it is time for me to hit the hay so I can go back up there tomorrow!

Thanks for all the prayers, they were certainly heard. Liberty is a healthy weight, doing great and mom was able to have the natural labor/delivery she wanted (no epidural) and is doing well.!!!

Here we go.....Prayers please

Carrie isn't going to make it another week. She was having blurred vision yesterday. Last night, she had some discomfort/pressure behind her eyes, so she went to the hospital. They kept her and plan on inducing her this morning. She is exactly one month from her due date. Please say your prayers that all goes well and she delivers a healthy baby and she does fine. She is dialated to 1 and 70% efaced, so hopefully that's a sign that her body will accept the petocin and she can have a vaginal birth. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers today, please and I will update as soon as I can. Mom and I are headed to the hospital right now because they plan to start induction.

Here's to a successful birth......

My birthday boy

Tomorrow Sebastian will be 4. I cannot believe it. It seems like just yesterday, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. I can see him growing up in so many ways, every day. He does still love to cuddle and be lovey, which gives me strength to get through the roughest days. He is definitely affectionate and quite the ham. He wakes up in a cheerful mood almost every morning, on his own. So unlike big sis who would rather sleep til noon. He picked up manners and uses them almost always. He will always say thank you, for the simplest things. I do hope that he holds on to that gratitude. No matter how long I am gone, when I walk through the front door, he comes running, "I bist you mommy!!" and gives me a huge hug. Even if I just walk out to the car and right back in. It is so cute.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant for him and how I cried. I cried for days. I did not want another child and we weren't prepared for another child, to boot. I felt bad for myself. I felt bad for Makenneh because I was brining another child into the world that would "take from her" my time, our limited resources, etc. I remember on a few different occasions, early in that pregnancy, I muttered the A word to Jeremy. I can honestly say, it would never have been a real option for me. But, I just felt so horrible all the way around. Of course, Jeremy's reaction was, "Absolutely not and don't even talk like that. We will make it work, we will get through it. It will be ok." Now, I look back on those times and wish I would have had a crystal ball. I had no idea the incredible amount of joy this little boy would bring to my life. In many ways, he has saved me. He was a good baby, sleeping through the night before long. He was always so happy and cheerful. He has had his moments. Moment that have about brought me to my knees. But, overall, he is a great boy and I am so thankful God chose me to be his mom.

Happy birthday, my sweet Sebastian!

Just crappy=)

Makenneh insisted on going to school today. That was a tad peculiar, because well, I have to fight her every other morning to go. But, hey, take what I can get. I tried to encourage her to stay home because as soon as she woke up, she messed herself. But, she insisted. And really, yesterday, aside from a few accidents, she felt fine, full of energy, etc. So, I let her go. And I got a call a few moments after school started. So, I went and got her, got both of the kids settled with things, and left to school. ON my way home, I was stopping by walmart to pick up some Vernors and gatorade. Jeremy calls. Makenneh is now puking as well. so, my little girl is quite sick. I also picked up bananas, applesauce and more bread, figuring we are going to have to do the BRAT diet around here. I just hope it doesn't last too awfully long because A)having sick kids is never fun and B)Liberty is going to be here soon and I want to be able to be there, and hold her and all that wonderful stuff!Of course, I come home and jeremy says, "I'm going fishing". He said he earned it today, after dealing with shit all day, literally.

On a good note, Sebastian is quite the little helper. He has taken it upon himself to be a big help. When dad is hauling wood in, he is right there hauling it to. Our area recently began the roadside recycling program. Well, I have decided I'm not so sure I like it because as the snow melted, I noticed many plastics in our ditch, near the drain, that was not brands we purchase, and therefore, did not belong to us, but rather made their way on down here from neighbors'. I began to wonder how effective the roadside recycling is. I began to notice all the platics in many ditches along the road, as I drive. So, anyway, today, Sebastian took two trips with his small hands to clear the plastic garbage from the ditch. And he put them in the recycle bag. Good boy! Now if they would come up with a clever means of keeping the recyclables in the bin and out of the ditches, it would be great.

Hey, does anyone have a way to clean sharpie off of wood table? It would be helpful. makenneh was drawing earlier today with a sharpie (I was not home) and it leaked through on my mom's coffee table. Not cool.

Well, I have plenty to do with sick kids, so I am gonna finish my rounds on here and clean.

An all-nighter

SO, I pulled an all-nighter last night. But not because I was having fun. I had actually just dozed off when my mom came into my room, phone to ear and said: You need to get up. My heart sank. I knew it was my sister. I get on the phone and she tells me that she has been having pains in her back that are radiating to her sides and stomach. Because of all the issues she is having, I told her she HAS to go in. I told her that mom and I would take her if she wanted. So, she hung up to wake Ralph up and calls back saying we can take her. So, we get dressed and head out the door. I was ill with fear. Horror stories I've heard over the years were haunting my mind. While on the way over there, my mom mentioned that the doctor hadn't given her the Rx for the UTI because he was waiting for the lab results. That was a relief somewhat, because I figured the pain was probably from that. But, on the other hand, UTIs can be dangerous when you are pregnant. We get her to the hospital (women and children part) and they do the intake. OF course, she had to pee in a cup and get completely undressed. They hook her up to the monitors and take her blood pressure. It's a bit elevated. I step out in search of a coke, once I know that she and baby would be ok. I return just as the resident OB is finishing up an exam. Mom fills me in. Resident is HOT at Carrie's OB for not getting her an antibiotic. The resident said it is her belief that if you (as a doctor) suspect a pregnant woman of having a UTI, get the meds in her. Needless to say, it was a pretty bad case of UTI and they ordered an IV administration of antibiotics before she could go home. The doctor had checked her for signs of early labor because she was having contractions registering on the monitor but not that she could feel and with the UTI as bad as it was, it can cause labor. Thankfully everything was ok there. So, by the time she finished off the IV meds and fluids, it was 5am. She was discharged and we dropped her off at home and came home. I Was soooo tired. I dozed while at the hospital and on the way home. I climbed into bed and slept until 1pm. I did get woke up several times because you know, I'm a mom and all and well, things just can't go on if I should try to sleep.

Makenneh stayed home today because she woke up when I got home and was complaining that her stomach hurt. I told her to go back to sleep and get some rest. Well, she woke again a bit later to complain and then went back to sleep. When it was time for her to get up for school, Jeremy woke me to tell me that she was not feeling well. I mumbled to keep her home because she wasn't feeling well in the night either. Thankfully I made that call because she ended up having diarrhea all day long. It slowed down by evening so hopefully she will be better tomorrow.

I thought I would have trouble going to sleep tonight because I slept all darn day, but as it turns out, I am ready for bed already. It was a bit nice to get to sleep in. And I completely appreciated Jeremy coming in and shooing the kids out today so I could sleep. It's those seemingly little things that make a big difference. Oh and speaking of that, the other day I had come home to find the dishes done. I really thought my dad had done them. I found today that Jeremy had done the dishes!!!!! That is huge. I thanked him and let him know how happy I was. He detests dishes (not that anyone really loves doing them, do they?) but he actually did them. How nice. Now, if he only continued on a more regular basis, that would be great. LOL.

I don't feel like there's enough time in a day. I want to get pictures posted on here, but my gosh, I have to find time to download something I am missing that enables me to take the pics off my memory card. I haven't done those things since I bought the new PC so nothing is on here like it was.

I finally sorted the bday dilemma out. I decided to have her bday party with her school friends on her actual bday from 4-6. Then, we will do a joint family party on the 19th. I know it's so far out there, but with Easter and Liberty's uncertain arrival, well, it's too hard to plan for anything sooner. This way, though, I don't have to worry about it anymore. I think that next year I am going to change the way bdays are celebrated. Traditionally in our family, we always had bday parties for the kids. It was never anything fancy. IN fact, it was just cheap paper plates from the grocery store, potluck style, with homemade cake and a bucket of ice cream. Sometimes there would be some inflated balloons (blown up by mouth, usually not helium), or hats or blow-outs. But if there were those things, they just came from the dollar store. So, we never had those big themed bday parties, but we always got together as a family and celebrated the bday boy/girl. I have many fond memories of those events. But, as the family increases in size and given the time of year, it is just too much to keep having these parties. So, I think I am going to focus more on an individualized fun day for the bday kid and leave the parties mostly behind. May still let them have a few friends join us somewhere for some fun, but nothing like I have done in the past. I do still owe Sebastian at least one party, of his own, at Huckleberry Junction, because I did it for Makenneh. THat will be reserved for his 5th bday, just like she had hers for her 5th.

I do plan on posting a pic from the daddy/daughter dance as soon as we get them back. I can scan that into the computer so it doesn't matter that my card reader isn't working.

Well, that's a wrap!

Still Baking

My sister went for her non-stress test today and it went well. She does have to go for 2 (or 3?) of them a week. In addition, she has to do those urine tests (pee in a jug for 24 hours and take it to the lab) 2 or 3 times per week, plus see the OB once a week. So, most of her days will be spent running to appointments (so much for bedrest, eh?) Her blood pressure was a bit high today, which they didn't like. However, Liberty was lively and active and did what they wanted her to do in a timely manner, so that was a good thing. Let's hope and continue to pray that everything goes well so she can stay in the oven as long as possible.

So, I did what I thought was a thoughtful thing today. ON the way to take Makenneh to her after school enrichment class (drama), I spotted a baby changing table to the side of the road. Of course, I was kinda pressed for time, but it appeared to be a nice one. So, I turned around and looked at it and it was in great shape, included the pad and 2 covers. The guy was out raking his lawn and helped me load it in my trunk, but bc it stuck out so much, I had to run it home before taking her to her class. Thankfully I was only about a mile from home. She ended up being about 10 mins late, but not the end of the world. SO, when I pull in the drive with this thing sticking out the back, both guys stand and stare; dad even puts his hands up as if to say, "What the hell is that for?" I told them, we know 3 ppl off the top of our heads who could use it. I am very sure someone will get some use from it. Dad's already grumbling about how long that thing is gonna be in here and Jeremy had copped an attitude. I don't get it. OH well. Sometimes, men are impossible. Anyway, so the hole dilemma is this: two of the girls who are pregnant are sisters and the one tends to be competitive about stuff. So, it could be a fued and I don't want to choose one over the other, despite the fact that I feel one could certainly use it more than the other. All 3 girls are my cousins. The other girl has a gma who will get her everything she needs, no problem, so it really leaves it to the two sisters, and like I said, I don't want to be in the middle of drama. I hadn't thought that far ahead when I chose to pick it up. Btwn that and the attitude I got from the guys, I am wishing more than ever that I would have left it at the side of hte road. I think Jeremy would rather put it on craigslist or something. I just don't think I could bring myself to do that, knowing 3 pg girls who could use it. That's just how I am. But, I may opt for that, rather than have a free-for-all over who got it and who must be favored. LOL.

Why fundraisers are no fun: You forget about the money being due until the last minute and must run crazy collecting money from everyone. At least, that's what I end up doing. And I do resent the fact that this is the 3rd (third, count them, 3) fundraiser for this year. That's over the top. This time, we only sold a few items...like 7. I guess every little bit helps.

I hope everyone has a great night and bright beautiful day. I know I need both!

Just the two of us

Today was a great day. The kids had stayed the night with their grandma and Jeremy and I had the day to ourselves. We got up and he did some maintenance on the car while I did some homework. Then we got ready and headed out. He wanted to go to flea markets. He just loves doing that and I don't mind either. We went to two different ones and just wandered around, looking at the treasures and trash people had for sale. I didn't find anything I just couldn't live without, but had a good time, just being out together. Then, we went to Applebee's for dinner. I had to laugh because we sit there, just the two of us, and barely say anything. IT was a comfortable silence, but funny. He was watching something on one of the tv's, I was watching something on one of the other tvs. We did talk, just not a lot. Of course, we see each other a lot each day, so there isn't much to "catch up" on. NOt to mention, when I am eating, I prefer to just eat. Look at me and you will know this. LOL. I have to note that the service was over the top. Maybe too much so. The waitstaff is all giddy and over-friendly. She asked how everything was/can I get you something every few mins it seemed. IT beats crappy service any time, but it almost bordered on desperation or something. It wasn't just our server, because I hear the servers around us doing the same thing. I am sure it may be part of a tactic to encourage people to come back and spend their money. Either way, she did get a good tip, because she did a great job.

AFter dinner (which was a bit early) we came home and he watched the Michigan State basketball game while I curled up next to him and slept for 2 hours. It was quite nice. Every now and again I was jarred awake by him blasting curse words at the tv. My heart would leap for a moment until i recalled where I was and what was going on. LOL. Then, I would doze right back off. The kids came home about 7pm in poopy moods. They were both overtired and it was evident. They did finally go to sleep, after arguing over me, each wanting me to sleep with them. OF course, it would be too difficult for all of us to sleep together, because well, Makenneh doesn't want a crybaby in her bed. NIce, then perhaps she shouldn't sleep in it either, because seh was doing a fairly good job at being a crybaby herself. At any rate, all is well that ends well. I still have my sanity. I think.

Friday night Makenneh and Jeremy went to the daddy/daughter dance. It was a last minute decision. The school didn't bother to send home flyers until like Wednesday. By then, we had already received an invite to one of her friend's bday party. And I had already RSVPd. So, we were going to the party. The party was 7-9pm and the dance was 6-9. See the problem? Not to mention, we really don't have the money for a dress, shoes, etc. And never mind the fact that Jeremy doesn't own dress clothes. He detests them. But, thursday night she cried because she really wanted to go. I couldn't tell her no. I knew it would be special memory for the two of them. So, I spent all day Friday running around finding a dress, shoes, picking up clothes for Jeremy (my brother-in-law loaned him his, whew) and otherwise preparing for the busy evening. I go to have her try on the dress only to discover that it was the wrong size. I somehow managed to grab the wrong size. So, in a hurry, had to run back to store and thankfully I thought to have her come with me to try on the dress. Because the one in her normal size didn't fit. We had to choose a completely different dress. But, we got it and got back home and just had to rush to get out the door in time. I dropped them off and had to come back home to get a change of clothes for Makenneh because I didn't want her playin in the play area at Mcdondald's in her dress. They stayed at the dance for an hour (which was plenty of time for both of them, really) and then it was off to the bday party. By the time I came home, I was tired.

That's just the abbreviated version. I didn't mention the call I got from Makenneh while in checkout at walmart. She was crying so hard i could barely understand her as she says something about daddy not believing her and she didn't do it on purpose and now i can't go to the dance and I just wanna go and I promise, i am telling the truth. I had to tell her to calm down and slow down. Finally I had Jeremy get on the phoen and then I jus ttold them I would be home in a few mins. Come to find out, the bus driver talked to Jeremy and apparently Makenneh hit her friend and the bus driver was going to write her up and she would probably be kicked off the bus. GREAT. Of course, JEremy overreacted, yelled at her, told her she was grounded. Well, my belief is you have to at least hear your child out. Especially because the tears were quite real. She sounded very sincere in her plea. So, we sat her down and asked what happened. She explained that she and Alexis were looking at her library book and when she went to close it, it hit her in the face. Very plausable as her library book was quite large and hard cover. I am calling bus garage in morning to talk to the bus driver. As I talked with the mom hosting the bday party, I learned that the bus driver did same thing to her daughter. I am thinking that perhaps this bus driver doesn't much like the little ones and/or doesn't know how to properly deal with them. Some of her tactics are a bit much for 5 yr olds. I plan to discuss this all with her and follow it up with a talk with the supervisor. It is my belief that the bus drivers may need some trianing in how to deal with the younger children. Segregating, calling them out, singling them out, alienating them and humiliating them are not healthy ways to dela with them. Kids are cruel enough in school and find plenty of ways on their own for teasing and alienating each other. THey don't need help from the adult staff.

So, that got long, sorry, but lots to catch up on. And actually, one more update. Carrie went in Friday for her OB appointment. He said he won't let her go past 37 weeks because of the pre-eclamsia. So, she will be having Liberty by April 8th. She has to go in tomorrow for a non-stress test and will know even more then. Of course, if the baby is under any stress, they will not let her come home. IT is nerve racking but hopefully everything goes well. Please keep the both of them in yoru prayers.

Sweet Liberty

No, im not talking about freedom kinda liberty, but my niece, Liberty, who is expected to make her grand arrival on or about May 1st! Carrie had an ultrasound today and was able to get a 3D picture (the last time she was in, they had just gotten the machine and she wasn't able to get the picture.) So, here she is, sleeping peacefully, waiting to make her arrival! I just love the details of these pictures. It's so amazing. I had to share with everyone! The nurse said everything looks great, she is right where she should be, plenty of amniotic fluids and all that. They estimate Liberty's weight at 6lbs, 6oz but hopefully that's a wee off because don't they say that the baby usually doubles his or her weight the last month? Maybe it's the las trimester. At any rate, she is a good weight, everything looks great. And she told my mom and Carrie that they had had moms get pre-eclamsia at this point in their pregnancy and still carry past their due date. So, I think we will be fine.

I spent the day with Makenneh today. It was actually very nice. She went with me to the Senior Center, so I could round up the applications and prepare them to take in, then she went to school with me. I was a bit hesitant, but she has wanted to go for quite some time. She stayed home today because she woke up at about 530am and was complaining of a cough. When she coughed, it sounded horrid. So, I kept her home and took her into the doc this morning. By the time we got there, she seemed completely fine, with the exception of a cough. He still checked her over and said she is fine..just a cold, continue with Robitussin. Whew. I was afraid of Croup, because that's how the cough sounded this morning. But no fever, nothing is swollen, as is the case with Croup. HE just told me to keep an eye on it and call if anything changes.

I cannot believe how cold it is today. We hit 70* the other day and today it was in the mid 30s with snow flurries. Grrr. I want warmer weather. My fingers are frozen as I type this.

Well, I am off here to do some other things online before turning the internet over to Jeremy.

Can you hear that?

~It's the summer sounds of night. The insects and frogs (?) making their nightly music. It is beautiful. Much like the sunshine and warmer temps. I am in heaven.

~Makenneh reading. She is getting better and better. We read each day and she continues to amaze me.

~Daddy reading to the kids - Love You for Always (I love this book). I was doing dishes and cried while washing them...this book always makes me cry.

~Sebastian's belly laughs. From deep down inside. Such a beautiful sound.

~My printer working. Lost the disc and had to hunt online and fight with downloads and steps and all kinds of hassles but it is finally working again!

~Snoring....my hubby fell asleep before the kids, I think. They were all sound asleep by about 830pm.

~The clock ticking away the seconds. It is that quiet right now. Everyone asleep. Ahhhh.



It happened again that I had a great title and fun post, but when it came time to type it, i had lost it. Go figure. But, I have all kinds of things to say tonight. First, please pray for my sister and that bun in the oven. She was put on bed rest Monday and will remain on bed rest until she delivers because she has pre-eclampsia (is that how it's spelled). She has about 6 weeks to go. She has to do 24 hour urine collection and take in to be tested. She goes in tomorrow (thurs) for an ultrasound and then goes in friday to her OB. Mom is completely freaked out, so while you are at it, please pray for her some peace. She is a wreck. She always jumps to the worst case scenario. I feel that while it isn't optimal, she is at least closer to her due date, she is able to be on bedrest, and if she follows the doctors orders, she should be ok. Her blood pressure has been normal, so that is a plus. Today, she actually had ankles. For a few weeks now, her feet and legs would swell so bad you couldn't see her ankle bones. IT was horrible. But, after these couple days of low sodium diet and bed rest, she is already improving. However, she could still use the prayers, because it is going to be a long 6 weeks when you are bedridden, as some of you know from experience.

On a brighter note, I got my mid-term back today in Community Development (the test I was severely stressed over) and i got 104 out of 100. Go me! I was so pleased with myself. Tomorrow I have my presentation in that class and I am finally ready. I had to put everything off til the last minute because I wanted to clarify a few things with the teacher before I jumped in. Thankfully I did that. I don't have to do a poster board, as I was thinking. I put together some papers I will hand out to the class, and then I just have to say my stuff and be done. He is rather easy to please. the two students who went on Tues both got full credit. I can do at least that well on mine. Whew!

The class I needed to take is not offered in the summer, so it looks as though I will be here for another year finishing up my degree. Grrrr. But, there is not much I can do, so I will relax and enjoy the ride!

The kids' bdays are sneaking right up. This year it is a bit stressful. I know Makenneh wants a bday party with her friends. No big deal. Except the weather is too unpredictable and it leaves few options (most of which are costly). Having them here is not an option either. To add to it, her bday falls two days after Easter, this year. I think I have decided to have it at McDonalds. I won't need paper products or food and I can just bring the cake and debit card and call it a day. they can play in the play area. I think I will let her invite up to 8 friend (seems how most things come in 8 for parties), buy a few trinkets and call it a day. then, I will probably do something here for family, just because that's usually how we do it in our family...have parties every year when they are younger. I do think after this I will take a break for a year or so (or probably not because next year Seb will be 5). I am just so over the parties. I know it sounds awful, but they end up costing a fortune, the kids get a bunch more toys they don't need (although with family, I am usually blessed in that they aren't afraid to go with clothes or other things that are needed). I really dislike that their bdays are so close together. But, it wasn't planned and it is what it is. Make the best of it. I do think after Seb's 5th, we are going to switch to just cake and ice cream with the family. maybe have a few friends here and there or something.

Well, I am off here to finish my rounds and head to bed. it seems I have ran out of things to say that sound the least bit interesting.

Oh yeah, Stacy, you can send me their names (you can email if you would like - masehow@yahoo.com) and I will have her add them to the prayer list.

And now that my printer is hooked up, it will be easier to share pictures, because I can just put the mem card in my printer. Beats dealing with cords and cables. but, must save for another time. 'Night all!

Now the weather gets nice

I have had this past week off school....spring break. It was cold, rainy, snowy, dark and dreary. Today is Sunday...the last day and now it gets nice. I will not complain though. The sun is shining bright and I can go out in short-sleeves and be comfortable. I am happy!

The past week or so has been sooo busy, I don't even feel as though I had a break. I worked every day at the senior center, banking those hours. I have reached the 50 required hours and everything I do now is just banked towards next semester's hours. This week, I will be flying solo, as the Social Worker is out of town for a convention. I will be on my own. I will collect more of the applications for medicare assistance and then I have to put them all in the computer, make copies for our records and then take them down to the Valley Area Agency on Aging so that our center will receive credit for them. Then, I have some loose ends to tie up on a couple cases and that's about it. It shouldn't be too difficult.

Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe in prayer? Well, my cousin, Rachel, has been trying to get pregnant since her wedding back in October. She has been unsuccessful. She started to feel stressed about it, worrying that it may not happen. She had gotten pregnant once before and had a miscarriage. She is diabetic, so it adds risks. Well, her sister just announced a couple weeks ago that she is pregnant. Rachel was hurt. She was happy for her sister, but sad that it hadn't happened for her yet. My mom and dad told her that they would put her on the prayer list at church. One of the ladies who does prayer meetings and also prays for others on her own, has said that every woman she has prayed for fertility for, has gotten pg within 6 months. Well, they told the lady at church about Rachel and asked for them to pray for her. We marked the calendar, to see. YOu can only imagine my response when Rachel called yesterday morning to tell us she is PREGNANT!!!! I am so happy for her. I could only imagine how difficult it must be to try and try only to have everyone around you get pregnant effortlessly. On my mom's side, almost all the girl's are pregnant (from my generation-the grandkids). ONly me and one other cousin is not pregnant. Well, and the ones who are still in high school.

And gee, these posts get so long now that I don't have time to stop in more frequently. My uncle felt horrible about the kitties. So horrible in fact, that he got us a kitten. He had said we could keep her at his house til we got our own place, but I brought her home. My parents actually love her. She is about the same age as our kittens were (about 5 months old) and she is fluffy and grey. She is quite the social cat. She loves to be on laps and cuddled up. Perfect. So, hopefully it goes well. Of course, I had to go out and buy new litter box, litter and food. grrr. But, The kids are happy, i am happy.

I have to get off here now and get working on my oral presentation that is due Thursday. I have barely worked on it and most if it will probably be put off until Tues evening and wednesday because I am just not so sure what he wants and will have to ask tues in class.

Have a great week!

I always think of great titles when I am not at the computer

Yeah, I will be thinking of things to blog about and have a great or interesting, catching title and poof. The moment I sit before this screen, it leaves me.

So much to say. My sister's baby shower went well yesterday. It made for a long day for me, but we did it. I woke up and started right off cutting the million onions for tacos and cut my thumb, not once but twice. Because once is never enough. So, I have a gouge out of the tip of my thumb. Did you know that full sheet cakes are quite large and indeed are difficult to fit into an average sized sedan? Because they are. As I learned the hard way. I don't guess *I* have ever picked up a cake that large, so I just didn't think. My car was packed to near exploding, including Makenneh and Desiree. I thought the cake could sit on their laps. Hah, it wouldn't even come close to fitting. SO, out in the rain, Ihad to rearrange the boxes and bags and what have you that was filling my car, so that I could fit the cake in. And then I was a nervous wreck because I didn't want anything to happen to the cake before it reached its destination. But, we all arrived in one piece, which is a good thing. The cake turned out sooo beautiful. Better than I envisioned. But, I am sad to report that I got not one single smidgen of that delicious cake. I am so sad about that. I will post pictures when I get my printer hooked up ..probably tomorrow ( my printer has the card reader and just makes everything easier). She got a lot of stuff, despite my fear that nothing was being taken off her registries. And she only got doubles of a boppy, a nursing shawl, and 3 outfits. Not a bad deal at all. WE got most of the nursery set up last night after the shower, it is beautiful. We will take pics when it all together and I will be sure to post them.

So, still wondering what I got her? She had wanted the bedding and stuff made out of material she had picked out. The only problem was, she didn't have the money (they had estimated it to be about $150) to buy the material and you can't exactly register for material. So, she conceded and registered for a beautiful set at Baby Depot

It is a beautiful set and similar to what she wanted. But, she really liked that material and plus the bedding and such was only available by special order. I got the material, just as she had figured out (she used a pattern and a lady at the fabric store was very helpful in helping them figure out how much of each fabric was needed..she had chosen 3 different fabrics. So, I was very pleased when I got to checkout and it was $110.00. I ended up spending a bit more after that, but still, I saved quite a bit. She got the comforter, pillow (with some extra material) dust ruffle, bumper,diaper stacker, organizer that hangs on side of crib or changing table and a valence. Then my mom got the material to do the window and the closet. My aunt made the entire set and I have to report that she did so in less than 2 weeks. I was so amazed.


Our relatives from out of town stayed here last night and the kids had a great time. They had 3 kids with them....one about 14 or 15, one 11 and one 4, all girls. They all played well but we sure had a packed house. It is always fun to get together with them.


Sebastian had learned the art of winking and he is going to be a heartbreaker, I dare so. My gosh that little man has the wink down. It is adorable.

I am on spring break this week, so it will be nice to have the break from school. Of course, I will probably just spend extra time at my internship this week. Although, I am pleased to say, I only have 7 hours to go to meet my requirement for this semester. I am going to continue so I can bank hours for next semester, though. Still nice to know that I will at least meet this requirement.


I am done with my stress management course....she gave me a 3.5 because I had to miss a couple classes when we were all sick with diarrhea and vomiting. I am very not happy about that, but whatever. My midterm grades are posted and while they don't really hold much weight....still nice to know where you stand. I have 3.5 in practicum and 4.0 in community development and my internship class. I am very pleased. I am almost positive I can have that 3.5 in practicum to an A. I missed a few questions on the first test, but she has given us some opportunity for extra credit. So, another successful semester underway.

Just wanted to say before going....I guess my mom had told my brother and Sara that the cats were gone when she got up that morning, that I must have taken them somewhere. So, it really bites me that she is lying. IN addition, I don't know if i had posted this on the previous blog but my dad said to me friday...."Chris, I did not intend for you to get rid of all 3 cats.". So, he was led to believe that *I* did it. I just hissed out, "I.did.not.do.it" and he was like, ooooh, with a sympathetic tone. Now that the shower is out of the way, I plan to bring it up. If for no other reason than to get some closure. I am frustrated and heartbroken with my child crying to me every day about her kitty. She sings a song about it, she draws about it, she talks about it. It is sad.

I guess that's all I will ramble about tonight. I know there is more to say, but it gets boring reading the day to day crud...seems how I cant seem to word it so fun!

The dumps

Is where I refuse to go. I am fighting hard not to succumb to the pull. I have wanted to blog about this since well, Monday. But, truth be told, I was out of energy..emotionally and physically. It always seems that as things cruise along well in my life, well, right there, smack dab in the middle of what seems like nowhere, a huge speed bump comes along and throws everything off course, helter skelter. I anticipated such a thing, because, everything was finally beginning to look up for us. A glimpse of hope for brighter days. Then, Monday afternoon came and it has been a battle since then. We went to pick up the (not actually) free car on Monday that we were so blessed to receive. I say not actually free bc well, there is tax, title transfer and registration fees. not to mention the couple little things it needed to done to it. But, still in all, it was actually given to us for free. Anyway, my dad went with us to drive the other car home. Makenneh was at school and Seb went with us. That left my mom at home. Let me rewind a bit to earlier that morning...a lot of bitching about the cats. To the point Jeremy and I had decided that despite the fact that some hearst would break, we had to get rid of 2 of the cats. We just can't bear to listen to my dad (and mom) bitch about them anymore. So we decided we would take two of them to the Humane society so they could be adopted out. I can live with that choice. I wouldn't have liked it, but I could have lived with it. Well, by the time we get done doing the running for the car, I had to rush to my internship. So, I drop Seb back off at home, give hugs and kisses, back out the door I go. I get home later that afternoon and something didn't seem right. The house seemed emptier. MY DAMN CATS! every last one of them. She got rid of all 3 of them without saying so much as a word to me about it. I am angry and hurt beyond words. Now, I am able to realize that the cats were a burden (don't let me mention the damn dogs though, will ya). I realize I needed to part with 2 of them. But in fairness, they knew we had a cat when they agreed to let us stay here, because believe me when I tell you that staying here was not my first (several) option. So, anyway, I am upset because I feel my decision as an adult was usurped. I feel angry because i was not consulted in any way and was basically deceived. I am angry because she did it so underhandedly as if to say I am too stupid to notice my cats are missing. i am hurt because she thought of absolutely nobody else in this situation. The havoc it would reak with the kids, the tears I would shed, nothing. It angers me because it took me back to that place as a child. A helpless child, with no power whatsoever. This isn't the first time she has gotten rid of a pet on the sly. She did it to us numerous times when we were kids. I went back to that place. I felt a certain level of hatred while I was in that place. I am angry and upset because I KNOW full well she just dumped them cats somewhere like trash to be littered out a car window, with no regard to their safety or well-being. I can't think anymore about this one because it makes me want to vomit, seriously. I am angry because she has said not one word to me about it. Because you know, im too damn stupid to notice. Then, i am angry because my brother dumped his dogs off here about 2 yrs ago. He does not stay here, he does not feed them, bath them, walk them, pet them, nothing. The one dog is out back and therefore, some sucker has to go out and feed and water him daily, rain, sleet, or snow. I have done my fair share of being the sucker out to feed and water. I dislike outside animals (and dogs really) because I don't like traipsing outdoors in inclimate weather to care for them. That's why I would NEVER own a horse. Anyway, they bitch about the dog hair in the house, having to take care of dogs, etc. Yet, after 2 yrs, the dogs are BOTH still here. Jager broke his chain the other day and they had to bring him in until it was fixed...he broke the nice, tall, floor lamp in the living room. NO big deal, it's Matt's dog. So, while I know deep down that this probably isn't the issue, I feel a level of favortism. I fed my cats, scooped/cleaned the litter box, etc. I am here. I live here. It's not as if i abandoned my duties or anything. Yet, my cats have to go and his dogs are still here. I feel as though if those cats were to be matt's, they would still be here. It's an unsettling feeling. I am not going to lie, I miss my cats. i am heartbroken. I cried myself to sleep the first night, cried in my sleep, as I dreamed about the whole nightmare, and have cried at least once a day each day since. Just once in my life, I would like an animal for life. Til one of us dies. Just once.

the other issue is the kids. We stayed at my uncle's last night bc Makenneh had no school today. And I honestly couldn't stand to be in the same house as my mom. So, she had no opportunity to miss the cats yesterday really. HOwever, tonight, as she was going to bed, seh asked daddy where the cats were. They are usually right thtere in the bedroom when we lay down for bed. He told her he didn't know and left it at that for the time being because otherwise she would have melted down and never got to sleep. My hope is that she forgets about it until after school tomorrow. She has no school on friday and that will give her the weekend to absorb it. She isn't going to be happy, I know that. She is going to bring up that other cat we had that the neighbor lady did something to. She still misses that cat. SIGH.

I just really wish my mom could stop feeling the need to make decisions for others. She has a bad habit of doing so. To a fault, for sure. She assumes she knows best for everyone and her rules are the only rules to play by. They call it distorted thought processes. I learned about it recently in stress management. It's called the SHOULDS distorted thought process. YOu think everyone should do this and should do that, all according to your rule book.

Anyway, im off on another tangent. The timing on this cat thing was horrible as well. A double whammy. My sister's baby shower is this saturday. I feel guilty for not being as active as I should have been with her bridal shower/wedding. I was self absorbed, in my dark place. I feel I let her down. I have felt bad about it ever since. So, when I found out she was pg, I was determined to go all out and make a big deal and head the planning, buying, doing. I was going to make up for the previous failure. I have done well. I am excited about her gift, which I will not discuss here until after the shower. Most everything is set to go and i did most of it myself. I have been sooo excited about this shower because I know she will love my gift, I had extra money to do something I normally wouldn't have been able to, and I am excited to be getting a new niece. I am excited for my sister having her first bio child. And mom throws a damper on my entire mood, my soul. I just feel miserable and blah. I just want to run through the motions, waiting until I can escape this hell. I feel trapped and helpless. Vulnerable. Angry. So many things going on. But, I have decided not to let her actions ruin this. I have set it aside, I will mope in private. I will hold it together until after the shower and see how I feel then. I do want to confront her. I want to know what she was thinking and let her know just how it made me feel. It made me feel quite horrible.

Well, it is sooo late and I have a midterm exam tomorrow that is going to kick my ass. I have spent a lot of time studying for it and still don't feel confident about it. But, I had to have some unwind time and this is where I spent it. Sorry this whole post is essentially a vent, but know that I had to get it out. ANd please pray for us that things turn around and we can get our own place. I NEED out of here before I lose my sanity or just lay down and die out of sheer misery.

No More Poo

PLEASE! It seems I have been dealing with diarrhea for a month. Mostly Sebastian. It seems to come and go. He appears to otherwise be feeling fine. He does not own enough undies to go threw them the way he does lately. I had to buy another pack today. And that is ridiculous. 6.00 for 3 measely pair of small, tiny, boy underwear. Just 3 pair. That equals 2.00 per pair. That will be streaked and stained in no time at'all. None at all. Believe me. So what if they glow in the dark. Who really needs glow in the dark underoos? I am sure it doesn't improve aim at the toilet by any means. Of course, this really isn't an issue yet, as he still pretty much sits to piddle. Hah, piddle. He did however stand to pee the other day and ran in to tell daddy, "Me go pee like you daddy! I stand like this" as he immitated the whole ordeal. He was quite proud of himself. However, nothing beats the rhea that creeps up and steals the little boys ability to stand and pee. Must sit to do my business because it may come out without warning.

Jeremy couldn't contain himself. He heard that the temps are supposed to hit or be near 50* by the end of the week, so he just had to give the kids their fishing poles today. He is such a kid when it comes to that kinda stuff. Just.Can.NOT.wait. So, now we have to get the kids something else for Easter, not a huge deal, as Easter usually isn't that large of an item, but it was something the both had wanted. Now they will probably be stuck with some small things, perhaps equally as useful because frankly i am sick of all the little junk. They can get undies and toilet paper. LOL. Just kidding, i wouldn't do that. I promise. Well, maybe undies, because it would be a splurge of fancy kinds, but certainly not toilet paper. ALthough, I can clearly see how they could make that into something fun as well.

Well, it was a very emotional service at church this morning. I was the one who was able to go back with Des as she prepared to be baptised. On one hand, it was such an honor to be there for her, in that capacity. On the other hand, it was a strong reminder that her mom was not able to be there, at least not physically. I know beyond doubt that she was there in spirit and I am sure she probably had a hand in Jesus opening Desiree's heart to accept Him. She wanted to be sure there would be a place for her daughter to join her in Heaven.

After church, we took my father in law to lunch. That went pretty well. Makenneh insisted on ordering fish and fries. The uncool part about that was that they didn't have that on a kids menu. Not that I would have known, because they dont even have the kids' menus right now. When I asked about them, she said they didn't have any right now but that the normal stuff was on there. well, that's great, but what the heck is the normal stuff? Because when I asked if they had a kiddie fish/chips, NO, was the only reply I received. It kinda peeves me now that I think about how i probably shouldn't have left her such a generous tip. She was clearly preoccupied with the friend who showed up to have lunch. OH well. Makenneh enjoyed the fish. Sebastian didn't eat much, but I just had them share the fish because it was a (expensive) full size dinner. Jeremy's dad had a good time and good food, so that is what really counts, as it was his day. We have decided though, that we probably won't go back there, willingly. Their menu is very small and limited and then, well, we just didn't receive very friendly service today and the food was just ok. Nothing spectacular.

Well, I was taking a break from studying because I am feeling so overwhelmed with it. I think it is time to finish up on here and get back to the books. I have a midterm on Thursday and I just feel like I am going to do poorly on it. It is short answer, no multiple choice or something easier. Have to be able to pull the answers from memory with nothing to trigger the memory. So, we shall see how it goes. I am sooo nervous about it. Normally I am not that worked up over tests, because generally, I do well. But, i don't know what to expect on this one and there are going to be 10 short essay type questions with so much info to know for each question. Sigh. here's hoping it goes well. Wish me luck and have a safe and happy week. I don't know if I will have moments to spare any day soon!

From the mouth of babes...

and little boys....

As Sebastian sat on the potty today, he says to grandma, "I eat (pop)corn, I poop (pop)corn." NIiiiice. We laughed hysterically at this. Some of the things children come out with.

We had a long day. Most of our recent days have been quite full. Today we went to visit my father in law. Then we went to Jeremy's aunt's and uncle's. They are giving us a car. It is a 1985 Buick Lesabre. So, it's an oldie. But, it just needed a water pump and Jeremy and his uncle worked on that this evening while we were there. The car is now road ready...well except for plates and insurance. We are going to pick it up on Monday. While visiting there today, his aunt Teresa sent me home with a foot locker that is like brand new, several Janette Oke books, one of the Janette Oke movies from the Love Comes Softly series (because I oh so want the whole set), hair accessories, jewelry sets (she makes jewelry that would rival Lia Sophia), a ring that her husband had made for Jeremy's Grandma (the one who just passed away this past year), and a spongebob outift for Sebastian, a few coffee travel mugs, Febreeze air freshener, a 3 legged chair (I will have to take a pic and post it when I get the chair home, it's certainly unique), a plastic pink kid chair, and a couple steaks. I think that was it, geesh, it was a lot of stuff. They are moving to FLA as soon as they can sell their house (which may not be soon at all) and so they are getting rid of a lot of their stuff. Oh and she also sent a crocheted blanket for my sister). She is such a sweet woman. The car deal was totally unexpected. They called Jeremy earlier this week and asked if he would be interested. HE asked how much and they said free. Wow, can't really beat that. Of course, I have a car right now and that is great, but now we will have a back up if we should need it. This car is a big old boat. Not something I will want to drive on any regular basis. But it will be sure ncie in a pinch. It will come in handy though when Jeremy is doing the work on our car that we have now..i will still have something to drive. Such a blessing.

Tomorrow will be yet another busy day....I am going to church (Makenneh has been begging me, God has been begging me, and Desiree is getting baptised), then we are going to take my father in law to lunch for his bday, then I plan to meet for a study group to study for our mid-term exam. And let's not forget Carrie's baby shower is a week away, so we have all the final details for that. I am sooo darn excited about it, i can't wait.

Oh yeah, Friday I went on another in-home assessment with Ruben for my internship. This time, I was a more active participant. It just felt so natural. I know without a doubt that this is my calling. I love every moment at the Senior Center. I really hope to get a job like that when I finish school. It is so laid back and rewarding.

Tuesday is the last day of my stress management class. I can't wait. This class has been misery for the most part. I will be glad to be done with it. Not to mention, I will be able to get out of school at 2pm on Tues and Thurs instead of 4. That will be nice. Of course, I do plan to use those couple hours at the computer lab, catching up and hopefully finishing up my computer class. Once I get that out of the way, it will really be smooth sailing. Nothing to really stress about. Except the fact that I have to meet with an adviser at my college and SVSU to get all the details hashed out for my transfer.

Oh and Jeremy called the Secretary of State and spoke with her secretary. They returned his call and said that he would have to pay off the fines and file for a review. They sent him the application for the review process. the strange thing is, the first page says that you may qualify for a review if one of the following applies to your situation: You have had your license suspended due to one or more drug/alcohol related charges OR something else ( can't remember off top of my head) that doesn't apply to him. So neither of the situations apply to him...his situation didn't involve drugs or alcohol. So, I don't know how effective this route is going to be, but I am going to give it a shot. After that, I am going to start contacting my local officials and work my way to the top until something is resolved. I am really done with laying down and allowing this to continue. There is no legitimate reason for him to not have his license and it does nothing but hold us back from bettering ourselves as a family, him as a person. It is ridiculous and time for some solutions to be reached.
As far as the house, I was denied the extra funds I applied for for student loans because they said i had exceeded my limit. I think it was the amount I was asking for, so I reapplied, requesting a smaller amount. I am going to call the college on Monday to find out for sure what that is about. If I don't get this amount, then we are going to pass on the house because we want to be able to pay up several months of rent to be safe. So, as much as we both want this place, we have to do the reasonable thing and it may be to wait it out and stay the summer here. I am really hoping something works out some way though.

On that note, I am going to stop and finish my rounds so I can get to bed. Hope the rest of the weekend goes well for everyone!

Third time's a charm

Really it is. Sooo, I wish we would have had a videa camera Sunday evening. Makenneh asked to be baptised Sunday morning. So, it was set for her to be baptised Sunday evening. She was so excited to be baptatised as she says it. I did explain to her the process and that she would be slowly dunked under the water but that it would be okay because the pastor would be holding her and he would keep her safe. Well, towards the end of the Sunday evening service, the preacher comes to me and says I can take Makenneh back and get her ready. We get her all robed up and ready to go. I once again remind her of what will take place. Okay we are good to go. We walk up the steps and pastor is already in the water. He reaches for her hands and slowly guides her down into the water. The water reaches about her chest. He addresses the congregation that Makenneh has asked to be baptised and then he turns to Makenneh and asks if she has accepted the Lord as her Savior. To which she proudly proclaims yes. Then he says what he has to say just prior to submersing her. The last thing said is, "...in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost." As he says "Holy Ghost" is when he would submerge her. MInd you, for anyone unfamiliar with this process, she is to have her arms folded over her chest. So, here we go:
Preacher........"....in the name of the Father, the Son and the HO=-"
Cut off as Makenneh reaches out with a death grip on the side, not so trusting to go under the water. Everyone laughs. He laughs. He starts again. The procedure has to be repeated. He gets to the part of dunking her and Whoah! Hand goes out to save herself again. I am squatted down, near the water, telling her it is okay, she has to go under. It will only be for a second. Finally, on the third try, he was able to get her under the water. Whew!

It was an emotional day for me. I stood next to the baptismal water crying. Sunday evening's service was quite a deal because in addition to Makenneh being baptised, my dad was ordained as a Trustee. They ordained the deacons and trustees. Afterward was a pizza party. My cousin Kenny, who was just baptised a couple months ago, came and brought his little brother and also Desiree. As we were eating pizza, Des said she wanted to be baptised and asked what she had to do. I told her she had to be saved and directed her to my dad. He talked to her for a moment and then the preacher was seated across from us and my dad told him, so he took Des to the other room and talked to her and she accepted Jesus. She is being baptised next Sunday. It made me cry because my aunt Dawn would be sooo absolutely proud and happy. I guess she still is those things. I am sure she is beaming. But it's sad that she can't be in there helping Des get changed and ready like I just did for Makenneh or that she can't be there on the sideline watching up close. But, truthfully, she probably has the best seat in the house, from Heaven.

So, I went on my first in-home assessment today, as an intern. It was cool. Would have been much better if I had felt better and my nose wasn't so stuffed up. OF course, these older people keep the heat on super high, so that didn't help. But, it was cool to have the experience and Ruben let me take the notes and do the paperwork when we got back to the senior center. Pretty neat to be putting the things I have been learning to actual, real-life use.

The semester is nearly half over with, hoorah. I am worn out. I am ready for the break. Of course, it stinks because I really think I only need that one last semester to be done at the community college, with my social work technician certificate (associate's degree). Woohahahha!

Ooooh and did I mention that when my mom and Ralph went to the convention in Lansing this weekend, they were able to talk with our Secretary of State and he told her about Jeremy's license situation. She personally said to have Jeremy contact her office, give his info and she would work on getting his license. She stressed that as long as alcohol was not involved, she should be able to do something. I am so happy. He called and did that today and please pray that this works out and he can have at least a restricted license for back and forth to work!

and more possible good news - a friend of ours contacted Jeremy on yahoo to tell him one of his friends works at a shop nearby that is going to be hiring. I emailed the friend Jeremy's resume and it was taken in today. They expect to hire a few guys this week and Jeremy has a good word in for him. Again, please pray that this works out, as it is decent hourly wage, plus overtime. And about 30-40 mins from home, so not too bad.

And with all that, we found a house for rent, right around the corner. It is only 2 bedroom, but the one bedroom is huge! The best part is that the river runs through the back of the property and there is 2 acres. Jeremy and the kids can fish all summer long. The monthly rent is 600.00 and that is not bad at all for a house, especially not water front. The downfall for me, besides only 2 bedrooms, is that I strongly dislike the school district. I almost refuse to allow my children to go there. So, it would mean leaving her registered at my mom's address and driving her down here for the bus and then picking her up. It is only five mins away, so totally do-able. So, once again, say some prayers. I have applied for additional student loan funds and it is really dependant on that going through. We would pay up about 10 months worth of rent and be left with a bit of money in the bank. That way, irregardless of the job situation, the roof would be over our heads and it would give us some time to get it all together. Of course, we would also be able to eliminate our storage fees so that would help as well.

I told Jeremy that with all this great opportunity before us, I really believe this may be a turning point for our lives. THe answer to all our prayers lies right before us - his license, a decent job and a home. It's all right there...sooo close. I really hope it works out.

Well, it is very late and I need to get to bed!

Take care

Doh! Stacy reminded me....

That I never posted about Sebastian's visit to the doc. Sorry for keeping you in suspense. The doctor said that it seems to be an inclusion cyst which is just to say that he had gotten something in there at some point and the foreign body never worked itself out, causing the cyst to grow. He said we could remove it but that would involve putting him under and then risking the possibility that the scar tissue would cause him more problems down the road or we could do a wait and see approach, seems how it doesn't bother him unless we grown ups are making a fuss about it. It doesn't cause a limp, it doesn't hurt and he doesn't even realize it's there until we start rubbing and poking and such. He did get some measurements and wants me to bring him back in 8 weeks for a recheck. But, you can visibly see where the foot was cut (like sliver or something sharp). So, the inclusion cyst makes sense. And we are just gonna wait and see how it goes.

I forgot to post all that because I have been so miserable. The kids have all taken turns keeping me up late (and all) night with diarrhea and vomiting, then I took my own turn with it. Only, on top of that, I have a nasty cough that has left me with painful ribs. I have coughed so much, my sides hurt. I also now have the whole allergy thing going on...itchy watery eyes, itchy running nose. I look and feel a mess. The stomach bug part seems to have passed, thankfully. I am sure I will have the cough for awhile...it usually lingers.

Soooo, my dad continues to complain about my cats. We only had the one when we moved in. She had the two kittens and well, we fell in love with them. He even likes the one if he would admit it. Actually, he kinda has. But,anyway, he has felt extra grumpy lately and needs something to bitch about, so the cats were it. Jeremy is sick of hearing the bitching, so he wanted me to take the cats to the humane society today. I stalled on it because, frankly, I don't want to get rid of them. I almost feel like taking my cats and sleeping out in my car to shut him up. So, that has had me very upset and crying the last two days.

Well, dinner will be ready soon so I am off here.....

What can I say?

I am miserably sick. I decided I am not going to my classes today because for the past few nights I have been up pretty much all night, coughing, diarrhea, upset stomach. And before it was me who was sick, the kids have been taking turns with it. In fact, I had to pick Makenneh up from school this morning because she is sick again. Blah. I can't wait for this to be over.

Moving water

Everyone loves the sound of water. Ok, unless you have to pee really really bad. Then you probably don't like the sound of water. Well, in the midst of a frigid winter (with a few exceptions of warm weather tossed in the mix), I found the sound of moving water in a strange place. I was taking the last bag of trash to the road and there it was. Whoosh, whoosh. As the water moved along in the ditch. How um...nice? I couldn't help but feel a bit of lightheartedness as I listened to that sound. Better still, I should have closed my eyes for a moment and let my wander to a bright, warm, sunny beach or something. But, I didn't. I still enjoyed the peaceful sound of the water for a moment. Funny the places you can find peace and tranquility. If even for a moment.

I take Seb to the doctor in the morning for his bump on his foot. It's right in the arch of his foot. I have no idea what it is and I am hoping it is something simple. I must be honest and admit a bit of reserved fear. My heart always breaks when I read stories of families going through tragic illnesses with their children. It is one my fears as a mother. I am sure it is every Mother's fear. So, please say a prayer, think positive thoughts, whatever it is you do. There is a very small "cut" where the bump is, which kinda leads me to believe that perhaps it is a sliver gone bad. But, there is no redness around the "cut" either, which it seems there would be if it were from a sliver or some other similar thing. I guess we will find out in the morning.

Makenneh had her Valentine's party today in her class. They did an ice cream social. She had a good time. Grandma went because I couldn't. I had class. I felt so horrible. When she asked who was going and I had to explain to her that I couldn't because of school, she started to cry and say, 'But who will go?" I knew then that someone had to go even if it meant me missing class. Unfortunately, I had a test today in the class I would have had to miss. Thankfully, my mom was able to go and truth be told, I think it did her a world of good to get up and out of the house. She hasn't really gotten out in a few days and I notice when that happens she starts to get "sick". I think it is more of a depression mode than anything. It is not good to stay holed up in the house for any length of time. Sometimes it is unavoidable but when you can help it, it is always best to get out sometimes.

I applied for more student loan money. I did it in the hopes of having enough to move. I am kinda hoping that one house is still available when/if I get that money. Bc if we had that kind of money to put down, credit wouldn't be such a big issue. The smaller the down payment, the more need for a great credit score/history. Jeremy's mom reminded him the other day that she can get us in the apartments she lives in/works for, but we really don't want to go that route if we can help it. And the truth is, if we were to move in there, it would be forever before we would have the money to get out. So, it's best to ride it out here until something more feasible comes along.

Well, I am going to get off here. I am hoping that my parents do take Makenneh up north tomorrow to give great gma her valentine's gift. She just had to have a card and a box of chocolates for g-gma and she insisted that she had to take them up to her, not mail them. We all thought it was very cute. So, my parents talked about doing just that tomorrow and possibly staying overnight. Makenneh would love it.

Ok, now i am really getting off here!

At the Senior Center

I am sitting at the Senior Center, mildly stressed out. I gave Ruben, my boss, the placement agreement form back when i came in for the first day..like on the 2nd of feb. He has had it since. It was due in the teacher's mailbox at his office by noon. Ruben tried faxing it and it was the wrong number, so i had to look it up. Now, he is in a meeting with a client, so I am stuck here, waiting, stressing. I don't want my grade effected by something soooo not my fault. I emailed the teacher to explain what happened in hope he won't dock any points.

Anyway, I also can't do much of anything else until he is done in that meeting because the applications I would need for the medicare program are in there, my bookbag is in there....and I have already finished up my work that I was doing. My pop is in there too.....waaaaahhh wahh. LOL> I need to give that stuff up anyway.

Well, I feel guilty posting from here, so I am gonna go. Although there isn't much else I can do right now. take care.

Oh yeah...it was very warm yesterday...60*. Today is supposed to be 57*. Then, snow. Today we may get severe thunderstorms. Crazy weather.

I just got real busy

Now that my internship is in full swing, I find little time for the computer. I go to school all day tues and thurs and then spend monday, wed and fri doing my internship. In btwn times and on weekends I get to do homework and study. I'm getting more excited about my career because I am getting closer to the end of the first leg of the journey. I am also able to apply some of what I have learned while working at the senior center. It's coming together nicely.

I have all but given up on finding a place any time real soon. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards and I can't stress about things I can't change. It helps that I am gone 5 days a week and that gives me some reprieve from the house.

I did our taxes today and was overjoyed to learn we still qualified for the earned income credit. I was thinking we wouldn't get anything back. Thankfully that wasn't so. It wasn't as much as we usually get, but considering our income last year, I am happy with our return.

Sebastian has a lump on his foot....in the arch. There is a little cut or something right there, so I am hoping that it's an absessed splinter or something. There is no redness though, so I don't know. He goes to the doctor on Friday. That's the other thing I learned....making appointments is tricky with my schedule. I have to give up internship hours to do anything that requires daytime hours. But, I also figure that with my spring break, I can work all 5 days, at least 5 hours a day and that cuts my requirement in half.

My sister's baby shower is approaching. March 7th. We have most things we need. Then, this past Sunday, when they announced the shower at the end of services, a lady approached Carrie and my mom and offered them a bunch of paper products and decor items. She said she had bought them for her granddaughter but she didn't want a shower, so we could have the stuff. That will be a huge help considering my dad is laid off and our income is quite limited. Anything helps. It seems that every big event in Carrie's life has been plagued with a layoff. Her senior year, dad was laid off for a very long time. Her wedding time, he was laid off a bit and now her baby. So, I am insistant that she have a very nice shower. If it means we live here a bit longer, so be it. And speaking of her baby...i got to feel her move today. I was so excited. Usually when I go to feel her, she stops moving. Typical isn't it? I caught her tonight though, stinker! They have decided on Liberty for her first name and the middle name will be either Grace or Addison. I really like Liberty Grace. And I will call her Libby for short. =D

Well, it is far past my bedtime, so I am off here. Have a great night and enjoy the warm up if you are around this area! I hear 59* for tomorrow! Too bad I will be stuck inside classes all day!

The Letter M

I know I just finished posting but I had to do this. Stacy posted a top ten list of things she loves with a letter that was given to her by a friend and she gave me a letter. I am posting my top 10 things that start with the letter M. This will be somewhat thought provoking, Im afraid. LOL

1. Easy enough..the very first thing that comes to mind...something I love that starts with the letter M. Makenneh. She can be a very trying child, but she is also a very sweet girl and I am so proud of her. When I look at her, my heart literally skips beats and runs over with love and pride. She is mine. I made her. Ok, with maybe a little teeny help from daddy!

2. My boy. Hahaha, that might be a little cheating. But, I can't make a list of things I love and not include my buddy. Sebastian was not planned and I recall the day I found out i was pg. I sobbed. I was in no way ready for a 2nd child. Funny thing is, I cannot imagine my life without him. He makes my day when he hugs me and pats my back or when he says, "I luv you mom". And his laugh is the greatest...right from the bottom of his little belly.

3. Mom and dad. Another cheat, i guess...lol. My parents raised us with love and stability and sacraficed so much of themselves. I have learned a lot from them...some things they have directly taught me and other things I have learned from watching them or seeing their mistakes.

4. Marriage. Or I should say, my marriage. I have learned a lot...that it's like a garden. It's not enough to plant the seed. If you don't tend it, it will die. You have to keep working at it. And as you put your best into it, it grows, and blossoms and is very rewarding.

5. May. Something about the month just bring happiness to my heart. My maternal grandma was born in May and she was a ray of light. The flowers bloom and spring is here and everything is beautiful. I always wanted a May baby. I have to settle for a May Niece...my sister is due May 1st.

6. Movies. It's a cheap form of entertainment. You can snuggle up with those you love and watch them. No scary ones, though, thank you.

7. Myself. I have come a long ways and still have a ways to go. But, I can honestly say that I love myself.

8. Memories. They keep ones you have lost close at heart and also give you things to smile about when your days are dark.

9. Michigan. Ok, so maybe I don't love it, love it. But it is home. I have lived her my whole life and my roots are here. Doesn't mean I can pull them up and move on, though. LOL.

10. Money. I don't love money in a bad sense. But, I love to have enough money to make ends meet. It is not the most important thing to have in life, but it just makes life a tad bit easier. That's why it is last on my list.

OK, now it really is bed time. if anyone would like a letter to do their own list, let me know. I will give you your very own letter for your very own list!