An afternoon at the Beach!

OK. I have no idea where these words will end up in relation to the pictures, but here are the pictures from our afternoon at the beach today. My brother and his gf took the jet ski out, too. AS you can see, the kids thought it was a neat toy! Makenneh called it a little boat!

The other picture just shows the water...nothing special.

The other picture (bc i have no idea what order these will appear in) is Makenneh on the beach trying very hard to catch a butterfly. If you look real close, you will see a yellow dot to the right, just about the log..thats the butterfly she is chasing! It's so hard to get good pics on my dig cam because the delay from when i click til when it snaps the shot...but it still turned out to be a pretty cute picture!

We ended up calling JEremy to come get us, bc it started to fill with riff-raff. It was bad enough that we had a "family" near us with several kids and the kids and adults alike were cussing like foul parrots! Not to mention, the one young girl(early 20s maybe tops) was in the water explaining to one of the 8-10 yrs old girls that she wasn't gay, she was bisexual and continued to explain what bisexual meant....all within a few feet of my 3 yr old! This whole conversation transpired bc that lady and one of the other ones were making out;...llaying all over each other, etc.... so the kid said to her...(they are all in teh same group)..you ;are gay! That's when the young adult decided to explian the facts of life while at the beach!
(please excuse my typing, the damn hampster bit me bc i dropped him and went to grab him back up right away..finger hurts and is bandaged)

Anyway, I don't care who you sleep with, who you are attracted to, etc...but i don't want my young children being schooled on bisexuality vs. homosexuality or the fact that "all hot guys have small dicks" or any such thing. I couldn't believe the filth coming out of these ppl's mouths! It was disgusting. Of course, my very conservative, close minded mother was turning greyer by the minute and fuming. I totally agree on the language thing...there is no excuse to be hollering fuck back and forth btwn the beach and the water....so everyone can hear...and using that word every other word! Just uncalled for in a family oriented place like the beach! I will admit, i do my fair share of swearing..even the real bad words, but there is a time and place and thats neither! Just like it's not a place to make out and lay on top and hump each other either! I don't care if its a guy and girl, husband wife, man and man, woman and woman! Just not necessary at the beach...get a room or come back when all the ppl are gone!!!

Ok, im done with my rant~! One thing I did decide today is that we aren't going back to that beach. On top of the trash talk, the place was trashed by the time we left...dirty diapers on the ground, broken toys in the parking lot, empty beer cases on the ground, empy shampoo bottles, etc. I can only imagine how bad it got as the night progressed! It's just bullshit that ppl have such little respect that they can't throw their trash in the garbage receptacles provided! Now I know why we don't go to beach much..unless we are "up north".

Update

Well, My Aunt Michelle talked to Harold about taking Des and he says that he just needs someone to keep her in the summer and then he will have to find someone to take her during school. So, what he is saying, is still that he needs someone to take her...we think he is just not wanting to sign over rights or have to pay child support. He can't afford that because his house is in foreclosure! See, you guys are right....(I believe in what goes around comes around too)....its coming around already and yes, its hard to not gloat! He just pisses me off...in one day he is saying he doesn't have time for her and it would be best if someone else took her and in the next day he is saying tha the just needs someone to keep her for the summer....and then for school. So, does it really sound like he is ever gonna have her??

Anyway, its just so frustrating!!!!

Ok, now for some serious business

I have posted before (though it was probably on a different blog) about my cousin Desiree and the situation of her home life. I use the term home loosely as she really doesn't have much of a home, when you stop and think about it. For those who don't know, a quick background: My aunt passed away in Nov. 04 from a sudden, massive heart attack. Des had just turned 9 a few days prior! Well, in Dec, my uncle moved his gf and her kids in, in May, the married, in June the garage and part of the house burned leaving them to live in a hotel for quite some time, then, the house was finally finished and they moved back in there. Well, all along, there have been issues. My uncle, Des's dad, has basically tossed her aside. His life seems to be all about Michelle and her kids. Desiree is constantly stayed everywhere else, while the rest of them go places, do things, etc. HE uses lame excuses for needing sitters, ever weekend, like him and Michelle are fighting (hello, what do the rest of us do if we have a spat with the hubby? we suck it up and deal with it..not send our kid away for the weekend). Anyway, recently, he and Michelle got into another fight and this time she moved out. Well, Harold is working nights (although always has bragged about being able to set his own hours, which i know is true, as jeremy used to work the same place and was able to set his hours as well). Well, now with Michelle moved out, nobody is there to be with Des at night and get her off to school. So, last week she stayed wtih my aunt michelle and he just had to come pick her up early in the morning to take her to school. Well, last night, he calls and wants to know if i will keep des. I was thinking...doesn't she have school? But, just said yeah! So, he tells me that they lost power and wont be back on til later the next morning. OK, no big deal. HE said he would come pick her up to take her to school. So, she gets here and wasn't even here a half hour when she tells me that she doesn't think she is wanted at home. WTF!!!!! I saw red! I sad, why is that? She said that they never want her there and they always have her stay places then they all go do fun stuff or go fun places and she can never go. She told me that harold, michelle and the kids all were staying at the nursing home where michelle works last night, but that des couldn't go and that's why she had to stay at my place. can you believe this shit??!!!! So, im already fuming! Then, i asked...i thought michelle moved out...yes she did. But, they still do stuff together? she said yes. And continued to say that Michelle said the reason she moved out was because of Desiree! That was the straw that broke this camel's back, lemme tell ya! I said, "Bullshit!!!! She knew your dad had you when she got with him...whatever reason she had for leaving is not your fault and don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise! She is an adult and this is her problem, not yours! You are not to blame!" I was sooo livid, you have no idea! How dare they say that to this child!!!! ANd how dare him continue to go to that nursing home with central air and comfort when his daughter isn't welcome!!!! How absolutely disgusting!!!!

Every child needs an advocate and my aunt is not here to advocate for her! Someone has to step up. She has no place to call home..she is shuffled around from family member to family member with no stability in her life. Then, bc we get pissed at Harold for using us and lying, and just being an asshole, we react in ways that really only hurt Des...by saying no to watching her.

Now, Des is adopted and has gparents in KY that she has met before. They absolutely love this child and she loves them. Since my aunt died, Harold does not keep in touch with them at all. I am thinking that maybe it would be nice for her to spend time with them and maybe even stay a couple weeks in the summer with them. She needs extended family, she needs love, she needs a break from here!!!!

Well, as I was typing this...my mom called! That bastard was at her house, wanting to know if she can keep Desiree...My mom told him that she could find someone to stay there to watch her at night and get her on the bus, etc...he doesnt want that..."it would be better for someone to take her...i will be working a lot in July and I just don't have the time for her....it would just be best for someone to have her!" THAT FUCKING NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH! I cannot think of enough bad language to swing his way! I am usually able to reason things....but I am having a hard time wondering what God was thinking when he took my aunt! This poor child has suffered dearlly since then. What is his plan in all this? Why did he do this?!!

I just told my mom that I am done! I am taking her! She can finish her school year in where she is and next year, I will enroll her out here! Every child deserves a loving home, someone to care for them, a stable environment! I hope that creep is never able to reproduce again and I hope like hell that the rest of his days are miserable. And God please forgive me for feeling this way, but I have a hard time understanding how a "man" can walk away from his child, knowing he is all she has, and all for the sake of a piece of skanky ass!

I have to go now...my blood is boiling and I have to formulate a plan...bc some major changes are coming around!

This is for you, Aunt Dawn...i will not let that little girl down! I will be her advocate if it kills me, alienates me, whatever! I will stand up for her, I will speak up for her! I will protect her, love her, make her a home where she can grow and become a wonderful person! I will give her stability, security!

Damn that slithering creature to Helen's kind of hell (I really like your idea of how hell should be)!

Memorial Day at Womma and papa's

My Parents got the kids a pool to play in. They both love it. Of course, Makenneh wouldn't come home..she had to stay with gma and papa.

The pic of the ppl at picnic table is...from left, Jeremy, Sebastian, my mom, then on the other side..my uncle ken and cousin kenny.

The best spot in the yard is nex to the house, where the camper is. LOL. Sitting there on the picnic table, i felt like we were camping with the camper right there too..and the heat!!!!

Pics from the picnic

Here's some pics from the Memorial Picnic in the Park. The kids really did have a blast~

Makenneh seemed to overcome her fear of playscapes while at the park as well. When Jeremy first took her to the playscape, she was slow and cautious on it. And she wouldn't dare go near it without a trusted adult with her. Then, as the afternoon wore on, she would go and play by herself and even went down the slide all on her own!!! I was so proud of her!

And Sebastian, well, what can i say??? This kid attempted to go down the slide head first many a times!!! HE is my dare devil and makes up for all the little fears sissy has!

Memorial Weekend

Holy crap, this weather is nuts. We went from a chilly, rainy 50s to a hot, sunny 90s overnight just about. I cannot believe how hot it is! Today's high is 94. it is 1130am and already 90. I hate to complain, though, bc for the first time in I couldn't tell you how many years, our family picnic at the park was warm and sunny rather than cold and rainy!

Makenneh played hard at the park. She took daddy on a long walk down the bike trail looking for frogs. She played on the playscape equipment, ran around and just had a blast.

For all the talking she has done about going to see ggma, she was shy at first. Of course, she had a bit of an attitude as she got hot....got grumpy. But, i finally got her to go sit by ggma and talk to her. Then, she wouldn't move from the picnic table...kept saying she was going bye bye with her. So, they did take her back to my uncles where ggma was staying the night...she stayed there with my parents til about 930. Then, stayed the night with my parents. My dad was looking at the kmart ad and decided that the kids needed a pool. Sent my mom up early this morning to get a pool. She got a decent sized pool for them, an inflatable boat for Sebastian and beach ball for Kenneh. Then, they set it all up and are filling it right now. Gpa also cleaned up the little tykes play equipment we got from a friend. The kids aren't gonna wanna leave there!

Neither am I for that matter...they have the air conditioner in and we don't have ours in yet. Mom mentioned that maybe papa(my dad) needs to get central air...lol. Of course, i would be all for this!

Well i took some pics from yesterday..not that many though..i will post them when i get home tonight maybe....today we are going to my parents to have a cook out and play in the lil pool. HEHEHE!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Been too tired to blog

Well, usually my friend has a yard sale every year at her mom's house...great location, stays busy. This year, with her gma's passing nine months ago, they have tons of stuff to sell. Anything that was left of gma's that family didn't want, plus tiffney's baby stuff and so much more. So, a huge yard sale! I had a little bit to put in. Well, I went over thursday to help them price stuff...but bc of the stormy weather ahead, we couldn't set up. So, it was priced and boxed back up. Talk about a lot of work!!!! We were there all day doing this. then, Friday, we were back at it again, setting up, finishing pricing, and opening. We had ppl stopping before we were anywhere near set up!!!! Let me rewind a bit by saying that Friday morning i stepped on jeremy's damn belt and the buckle part right into my foot! So, i have a nice puncture wound on the bottom of my foot. So, anyway, i spend all day yesterday on my feet! Pricing, setting up tables, chasing kids, etc. the sun was out in full force, we weren't prepared, me and Sebastian got burned quite bad. I was feeling sick and grumpy bc doing all this with 4 and 5 kids under foot just sucks, i don't care how you slice it. Spend mroe time chasing kids than you do accomplishing stuff. Finally, Jeremy came to pick us up and i went home about 7. By the time i got home, my foot was hurting so bad I was in tears. I sobbed like a baby. Not just for my foot, which did hurt like no other, but for the long, tiring day as well, my body was burned to a crisp, i was tired mentally and physically! We all fell asleep (well i had put sebastian down in his crib) but we all crashed in the living room...the front door open, contacts in my eyes, on the loveseat with Makenneh...we were tired! They wanted me to come back over today! Well, im sorry but i cannot put my kids out in this heat like this again and I need to spend some time off this foot. I cannot put any pressure on it at all! It is getting infected and im hoping that i can keep it under control without having to go to the doctor. Today, its supposed to be mid 80s with sun! THere is no shade in their front yard at all and im sorry, but imo, there is not enough sunblock in the world to protect my lil baby! Makenneh, the lucky shit, just tans like her daddy! But Sebastian is like mommy and burns. And then the poor guy doesn't have enough hair to protect his lil scalp and it too burns. NO, he will not keep a hat on. Im not going to resort to super glue either! lol. So, today we are staying home. I mean, i shouldn't have to feel obligated to sit over there when I only have a few things there, which i would just as soon get rid of as to worry about selling. Not to mention, the little bit that I am selling is goign to be eaten up with taking money from everyone each day for drinks and food for everyone! Im not gonna come out ahead of the game at all. And it just seems to me that it's easier to run a yard sale with 2 adults and 3 kids vs. 3 adults and 5 kids. It really only takes one adult to run a yard sale. period! So the extra one is just added help.

Then, on top of the sun exposure we already got, tomorrow is our family picnic...and the kids will be out in the sun once again. Im not going to get them crisped before tomorrow, bc tomorrwo is a day of fun for the kids! kwim? Tomorrow, Makenneh gets to see her beloved Great gma whom she talks about every day!

Well, for the most part, i guess im done venting and whatever. I am just miserable as hell. I want to crawl in bed and sleep for a week. Or at least til my foot stops hurting and my shoulders stop burning! I was reminded why i do just give my stuff away rather than save it all for a yard sale. They are too much work and you don't make enough from it to sweat it. I would much rather give my stuff to someone who can use it and appreciate it than to go through the hassle of setting up, running and taking down a yard sale. Money just isn't that important to me.

Oh and my idea of a yard sale is to get rid of the shit so you don't have to box it up afterward. I price to sell....Tiffney has this packrat gene/seperation anxiety/i dont know what to call it....She wants to get her money's worth out of stuff, bc she "knows how much was paid for this stuff". I tried to tell her that the rule of thumb for pricing a garage sale is 10% what it cost to buy...and go down from there for wear and tare, stains, etc. Then, pricing her gma's stuff was a real treat. I totally understand the sentimental value to this stuff, but it has no meaning what so ever to person stopping at the sale to buy it. They don't have emotional attachment to it and arent' going to pay the sentimental value of something. They are looking for bargains. That's where a large part of the mental exhaustion comes in....is them asking.."what should I price this" and knowing in my heart that if it were me, i would be pricing it to sell, but that they want to price on memories! You just can't do it! And i know its hard to try to put a price on gmas stuff! Believe me I know! But I have come to learn in my life that memories aren't held in material objects but in our hearts, in my minds, in our souls. WE can keep every last piece of a loved one's belongings, but it isn't going to bring them back and it's not going to make us closer to them. Cherishing the memories and remembering the good times is what keeps them alive! not the wicker basket they kept their soaps in or the coffee table they sat their drinks on.

Im looking forward to tomorrow, when i have a surefire reason for being at the yard sale. And yet, why do i feel so obligated? I helped iwth the brunt of the work.

Well, hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend!!!!! Enjoy those grills!!

Detective

Well, I will have to go back about 2 weeks or so, so this is all makes sense. First off, I live in a mobile home park, for those who don't know. We just had new neighbors move in next door, a few months ago. He had been injured in a fall and has to use a walker and has pins in his legs, etc. So, there is alot of traffic in and out of his place...with family/friends stopping in. Anyway, i don't pay a whole heck of a lot of attention to what my neighbors are doing, bc i just have better things to do than jump up every time i hear a car, a voice, etc. So, the main story. ..Tiffney had come over and we were leaving. She loaded her 2 in the van and Makenneh and i was carrying Sebastian out. I got just in front of the van (heading ot drivers side back door to put Sebastian in carseat). A truck had pulled up and a man jumped up, headed up to my door. When he appeared like he was just gonna more or less waltz into my trailer, I stopped, said , "umm excuse me?" and he turns adn says, "is will around?" I told him he had the wrong the trailer...he looks up, next door and says..."oh!.." muttered something and was down my porch and around to the neighbors porch in a flash. I figured maybe it was his first time to their place and had the lot numbers wrong or something. So, i go to the drivers side back door and load Sebastian into the carseat, come back around to the passenger side and get in. Before I had my seat belt clicked and Tiffney could back out...he was leaving. That fast! I was like, wow, he didn't stay long, but figured that maybe the neighbor wasn't home. No big deal, right? WRONG!

SO, im gone with Tiffney, get home that afternoon and am getting dinner ready. A knock at the door. It's the neighbors adult son. He was asking hubby if he had seen any cars or anything next door, bc his dad was back in his bedroom and heard a knock but didn't get up to answer bc he wasn't feeling good/didn't want company. When he finally got up and around, he noticed that some money was missing. I spoke up and told the son that story. Well a few hours later, a police officer comes knocking at my door. I had to relay the story to him. I figured that was it. Wrong again! Days later, a detective knocks on my door! He is an older gentleman, been on the force 30 yrs and i have to say, he is a complete sweetheart! He asks me some questions regarding my statement...clarifications, then asks if i would be able to look at some pictures and identify the man. I told him i might be able to. HE then tells me that he doesn't want to scare me but if i see this man around or his vehicle, to call the police immediately. He also said he didn't like the fact that he had come to my trailer when he had been to the neighbors before...he is an aquaintance. He told me that when i leave, i should secure my place. He didn't think it was an "accident" that he showed up on my door step. GREAT!

So, then, he calls this morning and asks if im gonna be home and if he can bring by the pictures...i told him yes. HE just left a lil bit ago. out of the "6-pack" as they call it, there was one guy who MIGHT be it! I told him maybe on the one guy, NO for sure on the rest. I told him at very least, teh one guy has a close resemblence to the man in question. HE then asked if i would be able to identify him in a lineup. OMG...this is crazy! I told him i might be able. So, he said he would let "them" know...and he left. I don't think this is going away! I think this is gonna be a drawn out thing.

I guess, i need to learn to be even better attention to detail. I am usually good about certain details, but not descriptions of ppl/vehicles. For instance, if we are in a crowded room of ppl, all carrying on conversations, I can pick up something being said in a different group nad retain it...say, a girl says she doesn't like the chicken being served, that it is slimy. THen, the ppl I am with will wonder how i knew to avoid the chicken bc it was slimy. LOL. I guess, im more atuned to minor details rather than larger details. I can tell you about conversations had, things done, actions, etc, but not about the people doing them, unless I know them. Id on't know if i am making sense here. LOL.

Anyway, I am off here now. Tiffney is coming to pick me up and we are going to her moms to get the stuff ready for a yard sale this weekend.

It is with a heavy heart..

...that I must tell u all that the house is a no-go! The homeowners are not willing to give any cash back at closing. Cash, which would be ours, above and beyond the asking price of the house and in which we would be making payments on.

See, the deal was, the lender we are going through has a 50k minimum loan amount. On top of that, they will only go 80/20 on the loan. This means, we have to finance the 50k plus an additional 12k(20% of the 50k) in order for the loan to work. They were asking 49,900, then upped it to 52,999. Either way, we would be getting back about 5-8k after closing costs and such. WE would have put in a full price offer...giving hte home owners the full asking price, plus we would pay closing. Now, if any of you have either sold or bought a house recently, you know, that seldom is the full asking price paid with the buyers paying closing too. Usually its finaggled so that the sellers are paying closing costs or whatever. Anyway, they are dumb! They house has been on the market one year in July, with only one failed purchase agreement put in on it. The purchase amt was for 40k, which is what they were asking at that time.

Now, I want your honest opinions here! IF you were selling a house for lets say, 50k, it had been on the market for a year and only one offer on it, and you received an offer willing to pay FULL asking price and closing costs, would you turn it down, simply because the buyers have to borrow a minimum amount, which happens to be more than your asking price?

I wonder if the buyers realize that nobody is going to pay full price for the house and in no way are they going to sell that house and walk away with a full 52,999 in their pocket!!!! In the meantime, they are paying a electricity/utility/water bills, property taxes and paying to maintain the property...mowing, trimming, etc. Oh well!

I can't say "their loss" too casually, as it is my loss in a sense too. I really wanted this house! If i wasn't so pissed off at thier greed (they said that they would only do it if THEY could keep all the money...lmfao), i would cry! I wish there were a way we could get approved for a measely 30k, bc we would put in a rediculously low offer, just because! LOL

Anyway, back to house hunting! Yippee! Im ready to give it up and just see if we can get financing through a different mobile home park in the area....in a decent school district! UGH!

Can we move already???

Now I know why buying a house can be sooo stressful. We finally found the one we want after months of looking. Then this loan process is a freakin joke. I understand we have not so great credit and a few other blemishes to work around, but our loan officer said he just had to check with the selling agent about finagling(sp) some money and he would let me know. Well, that seems like it should take no longer than a business day to call selling agent, get an answer, email/call me. So, a few days later, i decide to email my agent. He emails back that the selling agent will get with home owners and let him know. OH my Freakin Gosh!!! Ur kidding me?!!! Why all the feet dragging, drawn out bullshit. Just get with the program already. If i didn't want this house sooo damn bad, i would throw in the towel. Im sick of the waiting. It is killing me. We are sooo close to the end. All we need is for sellers to agree to this one stipulation and then we are ready to go. why is it taking so long then? I will be my own damn agent. I will call the seller, get the info i need and get the show on the road. It really can't be all this difficult to get one answer from 2 ppl. Either you want to sell the place or ;you don't. But if you do, lets move!

I want out of this trailer yesterday! And then today, the neighbors decide to intall central air! Great for them! But the fucking unit has to be in MY YARD! So, now when my lil tykes are out playing, i have one more danger to keep them away from! That just irks me. Is there really any logical reason why it couldn't be in their yard? Im not benefitting from the damn thing. Ive never seen it where the unit was in the neighbors yard. In all the parks ive lived/been in, the two trailers Ive lived in...never have i seen them do this. So, why my neighbor???
Does anyone out there have their central air unit on the side of their trailer that puts it in the neighbors yard? And what about liability. I mean, what if my child stuck ehr fingers in there and got hurt? It's not mine, the yard technically isnt mine as it's rented...but geesh!

Anyway, im done ranting! DID I MENTION, I WANT TO MOVE!!!????

Happy Anniversary To US!

THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION!!!
Today was our 2nd Anniversary! We did nothing special at all...as we had the weekend of peace and relaxation! When Jeremy got home, we went to my mom's and he mowed the ditch bank for her and we had a cook out. Then, we came home around 830 and he pretty much went to bed.

But, seems how it is our anniversary, I figured I would take a few moments to reflect on the reasons I fell in love Jeremy and the reasons I love him more every day (ok, there are days i may love him less for a moment, but all in all....lol)

He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever gazed into. They are bedroom eyes. When they sparkle, they take my breath away. His eyes have a look that says he wants me and needs me and loves me so!

His smile melts me! Of course, the smile leads to the sparkle in his eyes..and its just a marvelous package!

Whenever I am having a bad day, he can touch me/hold me and the entire world goes away. I suddenly feel better and as if i can face anything!

He always makes me laugh. We both have a great sense of humor which can sometimes border on all out smart asses! WE can laugh and joke about almost anything and everything!

I can be myself around him. Granted, he admits he will never have me figured out...but i can be me.

He's a damn good kisser! And romantic when he wants to be. He has written me poems, love notes, drawn me pictures, made me cards, etc. I remember in the early days, he had gotten up early to go mow his gpa's lawn. I was sleeping when he left and he left a note, scratched on an envelope that said...."GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL! You looked so peaceful laying there sleeping.." It was so sweet! I don't remember all the note, but it was just mushy and sweet! Of course, 2 kids and a wedding later, he doesn't leave those sweet lil notes so often anymore. But, every once in a while, he suprises me.

So far, he doesn't forget important dates. Even if he just makes me a card (which are the best...Hallmark doesn't have anything on Jeremy), he always recognizes special days.

He does help with the kids and around the house. Maybe not as much as I would like at times, but he is much better about it than a lot of guys. HE will pick up the living room on the weekends and sometimes, he will go on an all out cleaning spree! Just don't ask him to do dishes!

He still makes my lips quiver and my heart flutter when he kisses me!

He still has to reach out and grab some butt or errrr...ummm other things when he walks by me or me by him (in the privacy of our own home, that is).

He makes me feel beautiful! He loves my parts I absolutely hates and assures me that they are wonderful! He seems to look past all the extra pounds (and thats a lot).

He doesn't hound me about how I keep house or that Im still in bed clothes when he gets home from work.

He usually puts the toilet seat down. Which, I would rather he leave the toilet seat up than dribble on the seat bc he leaves it down when he pees. Which he does do sometimes. You know how frustrating it is to have to go NOW and look and see dribbles on the seat that have to be wiped before I can sit to pee?!! LOL.

Ok, i could go on all night but I still need to get Makenneh to sleep. Besides, she just said somethings that has absolutely broken my heart.

Seems its my blog...im free to jump topics. She was sitting in her brother's carseat here in the living room and asked for me to buckle her in. I told her she was too big for that carseat. She said..."my belly? I have big belly? I want to pop it. I want a baby belly." She said this a few times and then said, "I want a baby belly. Ariel has a baby belly." WHERE IN THE HELL IS SHE GETTING THIS FROM? I WILL RIP SOMEONE TO SHREDS IF THEY ARE GIVING MY 3 YR OLD A COMPLEX ABOUT HER WEIGHT!!!!!! HELL HATH NO FURY! I am broken hearted and pissed all at once. I told her that she is perfect just the way she is and that God made her and made her perfect. I told her not to worry about her belly but rather to worry about eating/drinking healthy. What is a mom supposed to say? Why does she do this at 1130pm when my mom is sleeping and I have no one to turn to for advice???? Im fighting back the tears. I don't want her to see them. I went to the bathroom for a minute to gather my wits and she came back. I just told her i was going potty, sucked it up and put on the smile. Why is this world so fucking cruel???

Celebration

Well, our 2nd wedding anniversary is Monday, so I asked my aunt if she would keep the kids saturday night. I told her that I would like to have most of day saturday and sunday to ourselves. Well, my cousin called at about 630 asking when I was bringing the kids over. I was like tonight???? She said yeah..i said....for the whole weekend? She said, yeah i guess! NOw, that is by far the best anniversary gift ever!

We don't really have anything planned. We mostly intend to just lounge around the weekend, and do as we please...something we can't do with 2 little ones. It will be enjoyable. We may go out and do something little tomorrow, but we are really broke, so sitting home and snuggling and just spending time together will be good for me.

That's why God intended 2 parents

Jeremy just got home and all is quiet! Go Figure! I feel better already! All you single parents out there...i don't know how you do it!

Jeremy came home with 6 pack of budweiser! He said he had a day from hell too! Must be in the air. I think we need some damn Sunshine!




=The calm AFTER the storm! Makenneh decided to climb up in the front window and she fell asleep. She looks so angelic sleeping there! Couldn't be the same kid that just caused me so much heartache not even 20 mins ago?!!!??!??!

I've had ENOUGH

These kids are driving me crazy! They have done nothing but whine, get into shit and push my buttons for days now. Makenneh seems to be deaf bc she doesn't listen to a damn thing i tell her. When she doesn't get her way, she throws fits. Today, I was doing the dishes and she wanted to pull the high chair out into the living room. well, you could hardly walk through l. room as it was, bc they had blocks and toys all over. I told her she needed to pick up her blocks and I put the high chair back. I go back to dishes, and she starts pulling high chair to the l. room. I tell her she cannot take the high chair into the living room, it belongs in the kitchen. again told her she needed to pick up the blocks. i turn a 3rd time to the dishes and she DOES IT AGAIN. She just doesn't get it. So, i put the high chair back and swatted her bottom. SHe then proceded to throw her toy stroller at me! WHOOAAA! I took the stroller away from her and told her very crossly that she is not to throw things at me. So, she gets the stroller again and throws it at me....by this time, i am seeing red! I stepped on the stroller (luckily it just folded it up and didn't break up). i tossed it into the corner and told her not to throw things. So, she goes back to the corner, grabs the stroller and heaves it again. And you guessed it! She got her ass swatted! I give up.

so, after the outburst, i made her sit on the couch and i sat next to her. I told her that she cannot throw things at me and that she has to listen to me. When i tell you know..it means NO. Period. I told her I loved her and gave her a hug. Well, she was fine for quite some time. THen, she decided she wanted to go outside. So, fine! I figured it would do her good. HAH! She wanted in then out. SHe wanted something to put bugs in, so i got her a dish. Then, she wanted me to go out and help her find bugs. I explained to her that it was too yucky outside for brother to be out and so i can't be outside with him in here. She gets mad and sits on the steps refusing to come in. WHATEVER. By this time, i would sell them to the first person who would take them. (ok not really, but my nerves have done exploded). Then, i wait a minute, check on her and she is GONE! WTF! I call for her and she is in the front of the trailer. I told her she cannot leave the yard, so she needs to come in. I bring her in (more like, had to drag her in) and now she is fighting to get outside. I had to sit in front of the door to keep her in. As i sat there, i thougth about fucking rediculous it was that i had to SIT in front of the door to keep a child inside. I told her I was counting to 3 and if she was not away from the door, she was going in her room. She didn't move. so, i picked her up, took her to her room and told her she can stay in there until she is ready to behave. WEll. she was right back out and at the door. All the while, Sebastian is into everything, eating stuff out fo the trash, throwing trash on the floor, you name it. So, I finally have decided, whatever. Jeremy can deal with the whole lot of them when he gets home, which better be real damn quick. I put sebastian in his crib....seems how he hasnt taken a nap all day, but just sits in there screaming....

I NEED A VACATION FROM KIDS!!!!

Rain, rain, go away!

It has been raining the better part of the last couple weeks. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Today, we were lucky enough to get some nice sunshine and warmer weather early in the day, but low and behold, its pouring now! I am ready for the rain to stop!

Fill in the Blanks

Fill in the blanks

Finish each sentence

1) My ex is –A LOSER! (bf-mike)

2) Maybe I should – take my happy ass to bed

3) I love – my family

4) I don't understand – why life can't be fair...lol

5) I lost my – sanity with terrible two's

6) People would say I'm- very giving!

7) Sex is – awesome

8) Love is – sharing yourself completely without expectation

9) Somewhere- something is happening to someone....lmao

10) I will always – do my best where my kids are concerned

11) Forever is – a long time when you aren't happy, not long enough when you are

12) I never want to – watch my kids suffer in any way

13) I think the current President – We have a president? hahah, jk

14) When I wake up in the morning I – am thankful for the day but wish I could go back to bed....lol

15) Life is full of – surprises

.

16) My past is – behind me

17) I get annoyed when – my kids won't go to bed at night

18) I wish - we could speed up our loan process and be guaranteed approved!

19) My cat is – rediculous..she is in heat and cries all the time!

20) Tomorrow I'm going to – who knows what tomorrow will bring

21) I have low tolerance for – ignorance

22) If I had a million dollars I would – buy our house outright, buy a mini van and car, give some away to family and friends and take a much needed vacation

Another Night

I called this morning to see how Makenneh was...all was well. I told her that she could either bring her home before my dad leaves for work or I would pick her up after Jeremy gets home. Well, just before Jeremy got home, i called her to tell her i would be there to get Makenneh as soon as jeremy as was home and she was sleeping! She and Makenneh were napping. I told her that Id be there when Jeremy got home. She said, well call first. WTH??? I said...is grandma keeping her another night? Yeah! So, Makenneh stayed another night with grandma. She was being sooo godo and the bugger hasn't mentioned mommy all day! Mom is bringing her home in the morning on her way to the doctor!

Update on our Loan:
Yes, it's still in the process. Our loan Officer, Jamie, found a lender that will work with our minimal trade lines, personal Verification of Rent and all that. The catch - they have a minimum loan requirement. The house we want is only 49,900. They require at least 62,000. Soooo, Jamie has to talk to the sellers and their agent to see if they would be willing to give us cash at closing. This is what we would do: do a loan for 62k, pay the sellers 49,900 for the house, closing costs and then get back the remaining amount. Usually, buyers aren't supposed to walk away from closing table with money. That's why its at the mercy of the sellers and their agent. The other catch: They require 80/20 instead of a 100% loan, meaning, they will only finance 80% of the loan and we would have to do a seperate loan for the rest of it. So, that will give us 2 payments but still the same amount we would be paying if it were one 100% loan, if that makes any sense at all. Another little thing (ok not so little) is the house has to appraise for 62k in order for the loan to go through. On a good note, the guy Jeremy rides to work with, lives right down the road and his house appraised at 120k and its pretty run down, nothing special. So, hopefully it will all work out, and we will have extra money to pay off debt, get new carpet and paint and any other little things we need for the new house! Hopefully it works out!

So Far, So Good

(to the left:Turtle Head)

We went to Logans for lunch and Jeremy and I got there about 11:30. We only had to wait about 1 mins., if that, for a table. When Mom and Dad showed up, our table was
ready. So, that worked out. The food was good. Jeremy ordered a steak and said it was great! Makenneh got a kick out of eating the peanuts and tossing the shells on the floor. She just thought that was the cat's ass. After lunch, we went back to my moms and visited for a bit, went to a flea market up the road (which (basically was the antique shop's way of soliciting customers, bc there was no actual flea market). Now, we are home again, WITHOUT Makenneh! She wanted to stay at Wamma's. So, we only have Sebastian tonight! That's the best Mother's Day gift! Which, speaking of gifts, Jeremy got me carsds and a garden in a bag. All I had to do was put the soil in the bag, then some water, drop the seeds on top and put a plastic baggy over it and wait for them to sprout. How easy is that? We got mom 3 Perennial plants and 2 boxes of bulbs. She has started working on her flower beds again. I picked the coolest looking flowers if i do say so

(top left: Bearded Tongue) (bottom left: double decker coneflower)

myself. I got her the bearded tongue, turtlehead, and doubledecker purple coneflower. I want some of these flowers for my flower bed. They are too cool.

Anyway, Im sure Sebastian is up to no good, as he is being very quiet and Jeremy is in the shower, so I am off for now!

Hope everyone else's mother's day is going well, too!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers, grandmothers, aunts and any woman who has touched the life of a child(or two or three...lol).

Our Mother's Day plans include going out for lunch with mom. It will be my parents and my brother and sister and their families and me and my family. I am not sure if Im looking forward to going out to eat, because the restaraunts are going to be swamped. We are hoping that because we are planning to go early, that we will avoid some crowds. My brother has to work at 4, so we plan on going around noon. The restaraunt we chose does not take reservations, so we will see.


Anyway, I am not feeling too good(go figure!) and Im gonna get off here and relax!

Enjoy your day!

What a way...

To start the day! I had to wake up to 6 kids this morning! I had my 2, plus my 10 yr old cousin and then my friend, Tiffney had to bring her 3 over this morning because she had a job fair to go to. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE Mornings??!!! LOL. Im gripping tight to my sanity. Im hoping it stays in tact long enough to survive.

Happy Birthday, Stacy

Today, May 13 (as it is past midnight and besides, she and her family are stationed in Germany, where it is already morning) is my friend, Stacy's birthday.

I met Stacy in 5th grade, when we had the same teacher. We have been friends ever since. We have shared some good times and some sad times. We wispered about crushes (What were we thinking sometimes????) we cried about losing loved ones.

I always tell everyone that Stacy is an example of a true Christian. If all Christians would be more like her, there wouldn't be so many ill thoughts of Christianity. She loves all, she accepts all, she judges no one. She walks in faith. She will do anything for anyone and she gives all that she has. She finds strength through God to get her through all the hard times she had to face, and this woman has faced more trials and tribulations than anyone i know. She has had a very hard life in many ways. But, she has risen above it. She is strong, compassionate and just all around wonderful. She thinks of everyone.

I think back to recent times, when I was going through so much, btwn losing my aunt, post partum depression, etc. and she would listen to me vent about my problems, keeping hers in, bc she "didn't want to add to my stress." I was so mad at her when she said, well i didn't want to bother you with it. Here she was, listening to my troubles and holding hers in. I just can't say enough good things about her.

And even though our adult years have seperated us, with kids, marriages and life in general, not to mention, her hubby being in the army and them being moved all over, we always stay in contact.

So, this year, for her birthday, I wish her all the best that life has to offer. I wish her love, peace and happiness.

And, I wish her a healthy pregnancy, as she is pregnant with twin girls, due October 13. The twins will make 5 kids for her and her hubby. So, with that, I wish her sanity!

Girls lying about their age

See, Julie, I told you I felt a blogging moment coming on while reading your post. This is just a topic that completely irks me.

So, if a teen girl lies about her age to a guy and he meets up with her, why is the guy the only one to get in trouble.? I mean, the girl commited the biggest crime (be it a moral crime, but still) and yet, she gets off scott free. There should be some amount of trouble for these damn girls lying about thier age. Maybe, if there were some legal repercussion, they would be less apt to lie. And hold me to this....when the time comes, if my daughter gets caught lying about her age, she better hope like hell the law does get ahold of her before I do. Bc there is nothing funny or cute that I see about that. It's messing with someone's life. The guy is labeled a sex offender/pedophile when he didn't even know he was doing any wrong. Granted, he should have "known" her real age. But come on. How many times have you gone on a date and either asked for your date's id or had to show yours to your date? Thats just freakin ludicrous. And on that same point...how many teens girls do you see that look well over 18???? A lot. its a common thing.

And I realize the age of consent is 16 for MI, but in all honesty, if a 13 yr old has gone through the trouble of hooching herself out, wearing provocative clothing, putting on oodles of makeup, and lying about her age, all for the sake of getting a guy, then I think its fair to say, she is consenting to a relationship, including sex. Not saying that she is "asking" for unwanted sex (ie, rape) but that she is most likely trying to get sex and if she consents then how is it anything but consentual sex? GRRRR.

I guess I will have to teach my son to ID his dates, before he even goes anywhere with them. It's a sad thing that our society has come to this. And shame on all the girls who lie about their age for the sake of getting a guy. That's just WRONG in so many ways. Ruin a guy's life so you can try to get what you want.

Anybody reading this with young girls, I hope beyond all hope that you take the time to discuss with your daughters, the importance of being truthful about their age. I hope you take the time to explain to them how much they can ruin a guy's life by lying. It isn't innocent and it isnt funny nor a joke. It is serious.

ok, im done ranting.

Didn't Win

Well, I didn't win anything tonight at Bunco! Go figure, I usually don't. LOL. I got a few hours from the kids though. Of course, I came home and this place looked like a tornado swept through. I get the feeling that hubby played xbox most of the time I was gone and let the kids run wild. Both were up when I got home at about 9:50. They both went right to bed as soon as I got home. I came in bitchy though, for some reason. I really don't why, except that from the moment I walked in the door, both kids are hounding me, wanting stuff and I couldn't even walk down the hall bc of toys everywhere. But, i don't have a legitimate bitch, bc I am not the neatest housekeeper, myself. I guess I just wanted something to bitch about. But, it was a losing battle, as for everything i tried to bitch about, he could fairly say the same for me. Ah well. He got mad adn went to bed. I left him to stew for a bit then went in there and apologized. I really had no reason to be so grumpy.

Anyway, Kenneh is out of pull ups and I am gonna try to get her potty trained. It's high time she gets it.

Didn't Win

Well, I didn't win anything tonight at Bunco! Go figure, I usually don't. LOL. I got a few hours from the kids though. Of course, I came home and this place looked like a tornado swept through. I get the feeling that hubby played xbox most of the time I was gone and let the kids run wild. Both were up when I got home at about 9:50. They both went right to bed as soon as I got home. I came in bitchy though, for some reason. I really don't why, except that from the moment I walked in the door, both kids are hounding me, wanting stuff and I couldn't even walk down the hall bc of toys everywhere. But, i don't have a legitimate bitch, bc I am not the neatest housekeeper, myself. I guess I just wanted something to bitch about. But, it was a losing battle, as for everything i tried to bitch about, he could fairly say the same for me. Ah well. He got mad adn went to bed. I left him to stew for a bit then went in there and apologized. I really had no reason to be so grumpy.

Anyway, Kenneh is out of pull ups and I am gonna try to get her potty trained. It's high time she gets it.

Didn't Win

Well, I didn't win anything tonight at Bunco! Go figure, I usually don't. LOL. I got a few hours from the kids though. Of course, I came home and this place looked like a tornado swept through. I get the feeling that hubby played xbox most of the time I was gone and let the kids run wild. Both were up when I got home at about 9:50. They both went right to bed as soon as I got home. I came in bitchy though, for some reason. I really don't why, except that from the moment I walked in the door, both kids are hounding me, wanting stuff and I couldn't even walk down the hall bc of toys everywhere. But, i don't have a legitimate bitch, bc I am not the neatest housekeeper, myself. I guess I just wanted something to bitch about. But, it was a losing battle, as for everything i tried to bitch about, he could fairly say the same for me. Ah well. He got mad adn went to bed. I left him to stew for a bit then went in there and apologized. I really had no reason to be so grumpy.

Anyway, Kenneh is out of pull ups and I am gonna try to get her potty trained. It's high time she gets it.

Better Day

Well, My day has gone better than last night. Perhaps that's because I put Sebastian down for a nap and then napped myself. Shame on me, bc Makenneh was still up. she managed to be good, surprisingly. OF course, I was napping on the love seat and sorta had an eye and ear open. The best start was changing Sebastian's diaper and finding it only wet with pee and no poo. Then, I put him down for that nap and when i just got him up about a half hour ago, there was shit everywhere in that crib....on him from head to toe! There just seems to be no winning. But even this diarrhea had more consistancy than what it did have. So im hoping this means we are on the upswing of this nasty stuff. And Ill learn about buying cheap diapers. They are only any good if you enjoy changing kids outfits frequently and bedding daily. But, i do suppose the cheap diapers are better than none at all.

Tonight is Bunco. The dice game 12 of us women get together once a month to play. Its exciting to get out of the damn house without kids. I still think we need to start holding it weekly...lol.

Well, I gotta get off here, bc as soon as hubby gets home, I have to leave for Bunco~

What's the number to Heaven?

I need to know! This week has been hell with kids up extra late and sick. There have been many times I have wanted to call my Aunt Dawn. Because if she were still here, that's just what I would do. She was always up late and I knew she was the one person I could call when I was stressed at midnight. Now, i have nobody to call at such late hours. I have to deal with it and at most, i get to post on my blog about it. The last few nights have been pure hell for me. I have wanted to just break down and cry. Or run away. In my most desperate moments, I want to reach for the phone. Then I realize, there will be nobody at the other end to calm me down, hear me out, comfort me. I miss those late night talks when the rest of the world was sleeping. I never thought I would lose her so early in life. I never thought I would have to raise my kids without her being here.

I watched 2 of my grandparents suffer with terminal illness before passing away and then I had my aunt die of a massive heart attack. I think the latter is harder. It was not expected. We had no time to prepare ourselves. Not that we are ever prepared to say good bye...but when you can take care of all your business, say all that needs said, do all that needs done, then it is easier.

Sometimes I just want to scream up to Heaven....I want my aunt back! I wasn't ready for her to go! But I know that all the screaming in the world will not change anything. I don't really know why Im struggling with it right now. I guess just having this bad week with the kids, and wanting to be able to call her when its 1am to vent and knowing that I can't. It makes me feel alone.

Just when you think you have mastered your grief, it reaches up and snags you. It never goes away completely, just spaces itself out, i guess.

Exhausted

I just want to go to sleep for a week. My night only got worse. Poor Makenneh started throwing up in her sleep. So, puke was all over her, the chair, onto the floor. It was a mess. ANd i was so afraid she would choke on it bc she wouldn't sit up. She also didn't want to sit up to let me clean her up. It was a struggle. But, i finally got her cleaned up and moved to the couch, so I could clean up the chair! I will be so glad when this bug has left this place. I have had my fill of shitty diapers, puke and cranky kids.

I think I may be getting sick now. I have a headache, i feel sooo tired I have to fight to keep my eyes open and I just feel like shit. Of course, it doesn't help that this place smells like a dirty diaper mixed with puke.

I have been stuck in this house since Saturday when the kids started getting sick. No, i take that back, sunday we did go to his dads, bc at that point, we thought sebastians loose stools were due to lactose intolerance. This place is trashed bc I have no energy for cleaning. It's awful.

On a positive note, tomorrow is bunco! I get to get out of the house for a few hours and socialize with other women and not worry about shitty diapers and vomit and dirty dishes, etc.

Well, i guess I am off here to lay down. How awful I know. There is definitely cleaning to be done. Before getting off here, I think I will look up some things to help alleviate diarhea. ughghh God help me.

Late night, conversation and pre-approvals

Yeah, I have a lot to say tonight. The question is, will I get it all in before an interruption?
LATE NIGHT-
The kids are both still up! I am at my wit's end with it. Sebastian crying most of the time, Makenneh being demanding. UGh. JUST GO TO BED ALREADY! Sebastian's poor bum is red and raw from all the diarhea. I just put him in the tub to get some relief. Then, i took him out, dried his bottom off real good and caked it with ointment to provide a barrier. Hopefully that will get him through the night.

Jeremy stayed home today bc he had the diarhea all night and early part of the day. That is gonna suck on the paycheck, as he gets no sick days, personal days, etc. But, very hard to get to work and stay there when you can't stay off the toilet. And he'd prob kill me (no not literally) if he knew I put this here, but a few times he wasnt even able to get to the bathroom in time. So, definitely not a situation to take to work!

CONVERSATION
I thoroughly enjoy the talking stage Makenneh is at. She carries on full conversationg now. It is so neat to talk with her. I especially like when she is telling a story and gets the hands going and completes it with the facial expressions. Today, she was telling about how she got the boo boos on her knees. "I run, I fall down. I run and fall down. I get boo boos. Right here, mom." I can't even begin to convey the expressions she used. It was so cute!

PRE-APPROVALS-
Well, I emailed Jamie, our loan officer, to see where we were at with our loan. He emailed back that he has been "shopping" lenders and thinks he has found one. He was waiting to hear back from them. Well, when I was talking to Tiffney tonight (who still works with Jamie on the loans she originated) she said that they got a pre-approval from that lender. Now, Jamie will submit our paperwork and see what conditions they come back with. As long as the conditions are ones we can meet, we will be able to proceed. Hoping that there are very minimal, if any conditions. Bc I want this to go through. Some conditions, if any of you are wondering, include things like a home inspection, appraisal, pipi (meaning you have to have 2 months of payments in the bank. and they like the money to be aged, meaning that you can't borrow from someone..it is preferred that it has been in an account for more than 30 days). Which, if they request pipi, we are probably screwed....bc we don't even have a bank account, much less with that kind of money just sitting in it. So, we are hoping that that isnt one of the conditions. If it is one, hopefully its one that they don't verify, bc then the loan officer/bank can get creative.

AND NOW JUST SOME TALK
Well, both kids are now in bed. Kenneh fell asleep watching Toy Story and I just put Sebastian in the crib, said a silent prayer that he goes to sleep. So far, so good.

My sister had a great time in Vegas. She said they were treated like royalty. Now it's back to reality for her. She is trying to find a church/hall for their wedding. She is thinking of having an outside wedding, which would be beautiful, IF it doesn't rain. Here in Michigan, the weather is so unpredictable, i was too afraid to do an outside wedding. But, if it works out and she can have a back up plan for bad weather, it would be very nice. The hall dilemma is created bc they both have large families and need something that will hold everyone comfortably. That tends to double the price!

And, could this place be haunted...lol. A toy in the kids' room keeps going off...only at night. Both last night and tonight. I chalk it up to the cats. Except, i think both cats are outside, right now. Hmmmmm. Interesting. Anyway, "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" LOL.

Then, as im sitting here typing...i hear a man's voice...in my yard. (in trailer parks, you hear everything, almost). I get up, planning ot shut the door and see a man running through my yard...its the neighbor. WTF? I think he was chasing his dog or something. Interesting. I soooo can't wait to get out of here. Please, God, let this loan go through. I want my kids to have their own bedrooms. I want room for their toys. I want storage for all of our stuff. I want a place that has room for company. I want a bit more privacy. I want, I want, I want. LOL.

Well, now that I have bored you all to tears, I will resign for the evening...lol.
I think I am going to get ready for bed. No quiet time for me tonight. The kids ate it all up by staying up so late=(

Mama said there would be days like this......She just didn't say there would be so damn many of em!

Viva Las Vegas

I don't remember if I told ya that my sister is in Vegas this weekend. Lemme tell ya how it all came about and what she has been up to! Well, it started when her fiance's ex-father-in-law called asking if he could spoil Chris. Ralph said I don't care. He told Ralph that he had gotten Chris tickets to see Oscar De la Hoya in Vegas. The ex-father-in-law then said he would fly Ralph and Carrie out there as well. Roger (ex fil) paid for everything. All they had to bring was any spending money. Well, they get out there, they are staying at Treasure Island and the rooms cost $2500 per night! Yes, you read that right. Two thousand five hundred US dollars per NIGHT. They arrived on Friday and are coming home today, i believe. Yesterday, i think it was, Roger hands Carrie and Ralph vouchers from the casino. They could either turn them in for the cash or use them to gamble. Well, Carrie's was $1500 and Ralph's was $500. Carrie tried telling him she couldn't accept it, but he insisted. Later, Ralph told her that Roger gets very insulted if ppl don't take his gifts. He took them to a restaraunt in which the prices were not on anyone's menu, except the person paying the bill. He took them on a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon. They were picked up in a limo, rode in the copter to the canyon, landed and had a lavish picnic. Every day, they have fancy cakes and cookies and all kinds of treats in their room for them. He paid for tickets for Ralph and Carrie to see a Vegas Show! I mean, the list of generosities just keep going. So, for a weekend, my sis gets to live the high life! How lucky! I am wondering if Roger wants to adopt anyone!
Hopefully she hits it big! It would sure help with their wedding planning!

Sick Kid

My lil man has been sick. Well, actually, it all started with Makenneh throwing up in my dresser drawer yesterday afternoon. Guess that will teach me to leave my drawers open. Then, Sebastian shit through this morning, while sleeping in my bed! What a mess! And talk about a bunch of laundry. I have been doing laundry alllllll daaaayyyyy! Because today, he has continued to puke and shit nonstop almost. It finally slowed up this afternoon. He ate some dinner and was able to hold it down. Hopefully this means the worst is over.

To top it off, i have felt like shit all day and have had a bad headache. I have taken 3 doses of excedrin to no avail. I have had a hot pack on most of the day as well. Im thinking i need to go take a hot shower and see if that will help.

It doesn't seem nice that when kids are sick, I have to feel so crappy too. Makes it that much harder to handle.

Well, im off here to take a hot shower and hopefull "wash away" this headache!

Pretty as a Princess....

This was just before she had a melt down. LOL. After she let me play with her hair and even put it in pigtails, she then wanted them out, bc "they are hurting me mom". So, i take them out for her. A few mins later, she wants to sit her naked butt on my lap. I told her she had to have her butt covered first. She got mat...and is trying to get on my lap when i feel a warm trickle run down the outside of my leg! She started to pee on me. OH i was mad! I told her that's exactly why i didn't want her on my lap without a pull up and told her to go to the bathroom. She refused and sat on the floor. I told her if she peed on my floor, she would be in trouble. She threw a fit. But didnt pee on the floor! So, she is out in living room carrying on. Sebastian is in the high chair in dining room. He starts making noises and yelling. She starts yelling at him to leave her alone. They go back and forth yelling at each other! I couldn't help but laugh. Not too much outloud, as I didn't want to encourage this type of behaviour...but i had to chuckle all the same. He probably thought he was communicating with sis and she thought he was irritating the hell out of her bc she was having an attitude and wanted to be left alone. I cleaned Sebastian up and put him down for his nap, she went in the bathroom and brought her potty chair to the livign room, sat on it and peed! She is still sitting on it!

Soooo, now do you see why i want a cigarette?

Smoking

Well, to be perfectly honest, I am not doing so well. Each evening, i have succumbed to the urge, bought a pack of cigarettes and we have shared them. So, i guess, overall, we are doing much better than the pack and a half we were smoking, but we haven't quit yet. We both really do want to quit though so hopefully it works. Part of me wants to just keep smoking bc its the "easier" thing to do, but the other part of me doesn't want to waste money on them anymore, smell up the house with them, and ruin our lungs with them.

I

I AM: up way tooo damn early
I WANT: the loan to close on the house so we can move
I WISH: Makenneh would potty train.
I MISS: my grandparents (the ones who have passed and my gma who lives up north)
I HEAR: the cat meowing (as always), Sebastian getting into mischief (as always..lol) and I can faintly hear the music from Narnia (waiting to be started)
I WONDER: if Ill survive these toddler years
I REGRET: Not breastfeeding longer
I AM NOT: consistant enough with my kids and discipline
I DANCE: whenever I have a chance
I CRY: when I feel emotional, when i have lost my patience with the kids, when im sad, when i hear something sad or horrible (ok, im a cry baby, i tend to cry more than the average bear...im a very emotional person)
I AM NOT ALWAYS: A good housekeeper.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: dinner, clean clothes, gentle caresses
I WRITE: to vent, to express myself, for fun (i love to write)
I CONFUSE: my hubby, im sure. What man isnt confused by a woman
I NEED: a vacation
I SHOULD: spend less time on the computer and more on cleaning
I START: laundry
I FINISH: most of it a week later or whenever clean clothes take over the hall and require me to fold them
I TAG: Anyone who'd care to do this. :)

June Bugs

I hate these bugs. They are absolutely disgusting. From start to finish, they are just nasty! I realize they are harmless, but they are sticky and they noisy and just eeewww! So, im sitting here on the computer, waiting for Tiffney to get here for the kids and hear the infamous bbbzzzzzzzzz sound. They have a distinct sound. I just knew it was a June bug. Sure enough, that nasty thing was buzzing at my screen at the kitchen window. Thank God he was on the outside. I would have died if he had gotten in. So, i remembered the wasp spray..i shot him with that. Im afraid this year is gonna be a bad year for them, as I have seen sooo many of them already. In fact, my lovely son almost ate one today, while outside. It was dead already, but as soon as we sat him in the grass, he reached for it. But I got to him before it got to his mouth. I will be ever so miserable this summer if we are stuck here....we will be over run with june bugs and boxelder bugs. I hate those too. Again, another harmless bug, but we have a female boxelder tree in our yard and so these bugs are abundant. They cover the outside of our mobile home, the ground, they are everywhere. They get in here and it seems i am constantly killing them. I did some research and unfortunately, they are quite the hardy bug. Not much kills them. (thinking to myself...i wonder if that wasp spray would work......how many cans would I need to load up on?). Moreso, I just hope we are in our house this summer and I will never have to deal with the overpopulation of boxelder bugs again!



Here is a lovely picture of the yucky June Bug! ewww eww ewwww! Why do we need these things around?

While Im at it, why do we need mosquitos, box elder bugs and ticks? What good do any of those things do? LOL

The New Schedule

Well, I was babysitting during the day. Then, Tiffney lost her loan officer job due to not meeting the quota (although she still assists another loan officer) and I was down to babysitting only once in awhile. Today, she got a call on a job, cleaning at night. They wanted her to start tonight. So, Jeremy shall be quite surprised when he comes home to not 2, but 4 kids. I think it will be good for him, though, to see just what I go through in a day with 4 kids. The down side is I will rarely have any adult time with jeremy now. She also mentioned that after she has been there a lil bit and gets to know the lady, she will see about getting me in there. The only thing is, I don't know if I am ready for that. I would never see Jeremy at all. And once kids start school, I would never see them either. Im not a big enough fan of money to sacrafice that much. But, we will see. If it's weekends off, then I would definitely consider it. But, if i would have to work weekends, no thanks. Ill just babysit. Granted, that's making less money, but I also don't have to drive to work, pay a sitter or even get dressed for that matter.

Tomorrow I am hosting a BIG YELLOW BOX by Crayola Party. The lady who does our pure romance parties is now selling this as well and is just getting started. She emailed me asking if I could help her get her business started. And, because we all love Sandy, I agreed, not even knowing what kind of products the company offered. LOL. Well, I got my hostess packet, and they offer all inclusive craft kits. The problem is, the cheapest thing in the book is like 17.95. It's not that its real expensive, but that it just doesn't fit everyone's budget. WE shall see how my party goes. The hostess benefits aren't the greatest, but maybe I will be able to get something.

Well, IM off here. For some reason, IM not feeling that well (maybe the prospet of having to put 4 kids to bed tonight instead of 2...lol).

Think of me tonight while you are enjoying your peace!

Grandma

Tomorrow would be my (maternal) grandma's bday. I've sadly lost track of what age she would be. I can tell you that it has been almost 10 yrs since she passed away. So, I guess that would make her 68 this year. Wow! It seems so hard to believe that a whole decade has passed without her. So many things she has missed. Or rather, so many things we missed having her there for. I wanted so bad to have a child born on her birthday! I love the month of May for so many reasons. It's spring and life is beginning; it's birthstone is emerald and I love it; my grandma's bday, mother's day, my first friend's bday is in May and finally, my wedding was in May. I told Tiffney that I had a good feeling about this loan because May is my month. Never had anything overly spectacular happen in May, but i just love this month. Maybe, aside from my wedding, this will be a great thing to happen.

It's strange how grief works. For the most part, I go on with my life with little pain or really even much thought to my loss. But, at times like this, when i really stop to think, my heart aches all over again. Not as deeply, not as painfully, but it hurts. Sometimes, I fear that I will forget things about my grandma. I was only 16 when she passed away. I have gone through so many milestones and so much living since then and I still have so many more to go. Will I always remember the touch of her hands? the sound of her voice? I may have already lost that one. I can remember things she would say....one that we still tease about is how she would ask for a drink of water...it wasnt just a drink of water, but a clean glass of cold water. AS if we would give her warm water. Or a dirty glass. I guess when you are ill and at the mercy of those around you to satisfy your needs, you have to be specific to get what you want. I wish I could get just one more clean glass of cold water. I can't help but think what she would be like if she were still here today. It's so hard though, bc she was so sick most of my life.

Well, I guess it's time to rest my head.

Happy Birthday, Grandma
I miss you dearly and look forward to One Sweet Day when we will be together again!

It's tough

Well, I did ok for day one. After Jeremy got home, I did end up going to store for a pack of cigarettes. But, we are sharing it and going much slower. I was just a raging bitch when he got home. Not towards him, but just wanting a cigarette so bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. What makes this harder is all the added stress of going through this loan process. Im chomping at the bit to say the least. I did make a cute sign for our door though. It says, " No Smoking Please Quitters at work"

Well, we got the rent form and receipts we needed and those will be submitted tomorrow. WE are getting closer. These forms were the last of the list of things we had to round up. So, hopefully we will have a loan soon and get to move.