Grandma

Tomorrow would be my (maternal) grandma's bday. I've sadly lost track of what age she would be. I can tell you that it has been almost 10 yrs since she passed away. So, I guess that would make her 68 this year. Wow! It seems so hard to believe that a whole decade has passed without her. So many things she has missed. Or rather, so many things we missed having her there for. I wanted so bad to have a child born on her birthday! I love the month of May for so many reasons. It's spring and life is beginning; it's birthstone is emerald and I love it; my grandma's bday, mother's day, my first friend's bday is in May and finally, my wedding was in May. I told Tiffney that I had a good feeling about this loan because May is my month. Never had anything overly spectacular happen in May, but i just love this month. Maybe, aside from my wedding, this will be a great thing to happen.

It's strange how grief works. For the most part, I go on with my life with little pain or really even much thought to my loss. But, at times like this, when i really stop to think, my heart aches all over again. Not as deeply, not as painfully, but it hurts. Sometimes, I fear that I will forget things about my grandma. I was only 16 when she passed away. I have gone through so many milestones and so much living since then and I still have so many more to go. Will I always remember the touch of her hands? the sound of her voice? I may have already lost that one. I can remember things she would say....one that we still tease about is how she would ask for a drink of water...it wasnt just a drink of water, but a clean glass of cold water. AS if we would give her warm water. Or a dirty glass. I guess when you are ill and at the mercy of those around you to satisfy your needs, you have to be specific to get what you want. I wish I could get just one more clean glass of cold water. I can't help but think what she would be like if she were still here today. It's so hard though, bc she was so sick most of my life.

Well, I guess it's time to rest my head.

Happy Birthday, Grandma
I miss you dearly and look forward to One Sweet Day when we will be together again!