ooooh, ahhhhh and AAAHHHH

LOL..i feel like a freakin roller coaster gone outta control. I have part of me that is happy and content, another part is anxious and stressed and yet another part that is just down right freakin irritated!

The good: I decided, after reading Helen's post, that yes, i need to do something. I went to the website for our local community college, checked out the programs they offer and decided that I am going to go back to college. I must write this bc now, I feel that you will all hold me to it. I am going to go for a Social Work Technician...that's a 2 yr program that will provide me with the skills and on the job training for work in that field and then i can transfer that to a 4 yr University and continue my studies while working in my field.

I also liked Helen's money "pot" idea. So, i have decided that we will give it a try. It seems to make managing the money a bit funner, if there is such a thing.

I have created a list of things to accomplish this week coming up. Each weekend, i shall make a list of about 5 things to accomplish for the week. I figure this will keep things manageable and give me something concrete to see what i need to do and what I have gotten done!

I'm getting better with the consistency here at home. It is tough. It is just so much easier in the short run to just give them what the;y want to shut them up. But, now i am dealing with the long term effects of those choices and it's time to do things differently around here.

The bad:
I have had extra kids for several consecutive days. Markie=15, Ashley (her friend)=16, Des-11. Markie had asked 3 nights ago i think it was, maybe 4 by now..ive seemed to have lost track of time...if she could stay the night and if i would ask her parents by telling htem i needed to have her babysit. Well, im not gonna lie about that, so i left the asking up to her. Well, they let her. That night turned into another, which she let her parents assume was to babysit for us again. Des was added to the mix this 2nd night. So, anyway, the next day comes, Markie has her friend over and as night falls, they all wanna stay again. Fine. Then, i find her telling her parents it was so she could babysit again. WTF?! Well, they seemed to question things, however, never did ask to speak to me, so i dont know. Then, last night, Jeremy had said, they could stay the night again, if Markie would actually watch the kids for us the next night at her house (upon parents approval of course) and that he would pay her $20. Now, i must back track to say that when Markie originally asked ot stay, she said that she wanted to stay and help me clean up and "you don't even have to pay me." Well, i told her she didn't have to clean or whatever but if she wanted to stay, sure. Well, back to where i was....last night. Markie was going to Walmart iwth her friends and wanted to know if Jeremy could give her the money early so she could have some on her. So, he gives her the 20.00. They go to the store, she spends all of it in the course of the evening. All the kids stay the night. Today, The day that Markie is supposed ot babysit, she calls her parents and they him haw about her staying again. By the evening, it's decided that she can't stay. So, im fuming anyway, bc i have had enough of all the dirty glasses in teh house, the crap to step over, the whole gamit. Well, Jeremy was gonna have her ask to have the kids at her house and i just said, forget it. Her parents were acting funny aobut the whole thing....my kids don't like staying there, forget it...so then, after being out the 20.00 basically, they ask for a ride home. Well, im so mad and ready to spit tacks, that whatever gets them out of here before my head spins off my shoulders. But wait, there is more! Can you run us by Ashley's house so she can get clothes and shoes (her flip flops broke). UGh...that's more gas....do they realize the price of gas? NO, they are teenagers. they realize nothing of the sort. I must throw in here, then while Markie was trying to get an answer from her parents i told her to just stop bc she was making us look bad...she said no, but i told her that they probably think you are over here watching the kids wihle we run all over hell's half acre or sleep. Anyway, i take them and drop them off and just can't really believe that Markie never so much as offered a way to pay back the 20.00 she wsa fronted. I almost feel as though it was plotted this way (bc you know teens are great at plotting) so that she could have the money for shopping. Then, as I was driving home, in silence, bc thank God Makenneh had fallen asleep, I remembered that Markie did watch kids the 28th and i told her i would pay her but it owuld have to be later bc we are broke. Well, there she has it. That is her pay. The problem there is, teh night she had kept them (which was so i could go to work, btw), her parents got mean with her and tol dher that they were keeping the money and giving some to her sister bc she wasn't doing enough for the kids bc while they were laying down watching tv, she talked on the phone. Well, that was what led to her wanting to stay here in the first place, is she wasn't getting along iwth her parents. So, she will have to work out the money situation with them, as I have forked out the 20.00 and will not fork out another! I cannot help but feel so damn used. I can relate to Helen's post about no room at the inn. That was exactly what i thought of driving those kids home tonight. Teenagers can be some of the most disrespectful creatures on earth! They came here, ate damn good, used my internet, chose the music to listen to, movies to watch, etc and then swindle the 20.00 more or less. And yes, part of me is upset with Jeremy for fronting her hte money, but i know i would have done the same and he was just trying to be nice, letting her have her own money for the shopping trip.

I told him tonight that no kids are staying here for awhile. While i had planned on having des over christmas break, me taking her gave them a night or so without kids; Markie staying here gave her parents a few nights without kids and here I am, the one who is ready to crack from stress and nerves, with no one to keep my kids. Ah well!

i know it does absolutely no good to be this frustrated over all of it, and there is more that i just don't feel like getting into, but yet, i can't help it.

Well, there is only 23 hours and 50ish minutes left in this horrid year and I am set to have a much better 2007! I am setting goals, large and small, and I am going to work at them.

Happy New Year to all!

Real Quick

I have a houseful of kids, as i stated in last post. Well, my one cousin loves to give massages, so i just lifted my shirt for her to rub my back and my little man came up and started rubbing my back...it felt better than anything....and melted my heart! May he continue to be a sweetie in that department.

Recipe

....for disaster:

Ingredients:
too many toys from Christmas giving
too many pieces to said gifts
small home (600 sq ft, maybe)
large toy items
Christmas tree
2 extra kids

Trip over coats and shoes and toys and kids. pick up endless candy wrappers (where do they come from, bc i swear the candy should be gone by now)

Mix all this with my lack of meds and well....

I am near explosion. My heart is racing, blood pressure elevated, throat tightened and I just want to puke.

15 yr old asked to stay and said she would help clean....ive yet to see much of that...then last night i added an 11 yr old, Desiree. The great thing there is Makenneh absolutely adores her and they play well together. But, given Desiree's whole situation, she tends to be very needy emotionally and clingy...so it just stresses me out at times.

i think that if i go back to bed and sleep for awhile, maybe i will wake up to clean house...lol!

I can hope anyway.

Well, IM out of here to try to get someting done around here before i explode!

Finally, some pictures

Here's the tree after Santa's visit, but before Kids were up to tear into it!

Makenneh holding her stocking!

Makenneh and Sebastian opening presents. Makenneh ripped through hers and then helped brother!

Oh, Marvelous Day!

I know, crazy to see as a title of one of my posts, lately! but, i really did have a decent day! I was supposed to work and well, didn't go. The kids were at my aunt's and so I had a day to myself. Just me! ME! How wonderful! I slept in, I picked up their bedroom and got rid of some toys..a whole garbage bag full and also have some new homes for some of their larger toys like the peek a block hippo that just takes up space and nobody plays with. Then, i leisurely got in the shower, got myself ready and went out and got some lunch. We don't have the money for me to do that, but i said, what the heck! When i was done, i went and got the kids. I came home and started cleaning agian and working on laundry some more. Then, i had to tackle those nasty dishes piling up. IT felt good to get most of the done. Of course, I dirtied a good number of them right away, bc I made some nice steaks for dinner (i was feeling so rich cooking these nice steaks. I don't have to tell you they were part of our Christmas gift from his dad...a whole box of good steaks. Not the cheap steaks. Mmmmm. Then, after dinner, I cleaned up some, put the kids in the bath and got htem out, dressed, teeth brushed and ready for bed. They were both in bed, but Makenneh has decided she needs one more story.

This is our first night with this new routine. But, after nearly losing my marriage the other night, due to the lack of schedule, control and communication, we decided it was time to get things in order around here. We will all feel so much better. I will admit that it was hard at times today. Makenneh really pushes the limits and anyone who spends any amount of time with her will tell you this. But, i didn't give up and give in. I stood firm. I mean business. Right now, i shall read her this one last story and I will tell her so..then it's bed. NO ifs, ands or buts about it. If she chooses to disregard my warning she will soon find out how serious mom is. No more inconsistency if i can help it at all!

So, i am off here to try for a spectular finsih to a wonderful day!

A very Merry Christmas

Well, all the stress, tears and blues of the past few days has paid off. I woke up to my little girl saying, "Mommma, there's presents under the tree....get up, momma!" It's the first year that she has woke me up on Christmas morning. And the morning was full of "oooh my goossshhh!" and squeals and just pure happiness! Makenneh loves her Diego Rescue Center! She noticed it right away, despite it being in the back!

Sebastian was more interested in the candy than his toys...he ate quite a bit this morning...candy, that is. He giggled from the bottom of his belly though, opening up the Check-up Elmo! IT was sooo cute!

I am definitely feeling better about Christmas! Despite the fact that there is NO SNOW whatsoever! It's the first time, in my memory, that we have had no snow on Christmas morning! I really don't miss it one little tiny, teeny bit! I think it's rather splendid to be able to step outside in my socks, if i really want to...without a coat..bc it's still like 45 degrees or so!

I will post pictures later! Gotta get ready to go to moms!

Bitch Blog

Perhaps I should have titled it that way..it seems anymore I have more to bitch about than anything else. But, here it is, 12:50AM and I have more than half of my wrapping to do..the house is trashed....and he is asleep on the couch! I want to choke him.

I started getting a bladder infection this afternoon and have the pain and fatigue and all that comes with those...had to call the on call dr and get a Rx called in for me and yet, im stuck doing all of Christmas by myself. I will tell you that with each piece of tape stuck to each fold, i grow more and more angry with him...i want so bad to put FROM MOM on the tags....i shopped for ALL of it by myself (well half or so with kids in tow), stacked and stored it all, paid for some out of my own checks, and now im wrapping it all and putting it all out on my own. WTF?! We ran all freakin day today..not getting home til around midnight...and I am just tired.

I must say that the whole kid issue isn't bad...the kids were absolutely marvelous today and I was sure to tell them so, over and over and thank them for their wonderful behavior. Their father, however, is a different story! Im half tempted to pack me, the kids and Christmas up and go to my parents...where at least i would have help with wrapping and then he can wake up with the results of his effort....NOTHING, but a dilapidated tree, whose tree skirt is piled under other shit, and a messy house! Merry effin Christmas to him! Why didn't he get the bladder infection....I have to do all this stuff...don't need to feel like shit...at least then, if he were sick,, i could deal with his sleeping and leaving it all to me~!

Well, i can't spend anymore time on here, gotta wrap! But, I wanted to vent, to keep from choking him in his precious sleep!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Bah Humbug

Im so over Christmas. These kids have been nothing but horrible. Makenneh whines, defies and just makes everyone around her miserable. Sebastian won't stay out of anything. The tree looks like a bunch of monkeys live in it. I just don't care anymore. It is very sad to say this, but I am over Christmas. The bs i have had to go through the last couple days has ruined it for me. I have nothing to look forward to and would just as soon cancel christmas all together. Why do i spend our hard earned money on a couple kids who don't appreciate it, don't have any respect for anyone or anything. Why do i go through the stress of fighting them to get ready to go to parties and such?

I know that I sound like a horrible mom. and frankly, ill admit it today that I am. But, i seriously did not sign up for this amount of misery. I've tried hard to make things enjoyable and fun. I made cookies yesterday, and had to fight with Sebastian to stay out everything else. I had to deal with Makenneh not wanting to scoot over so i could have room to mix things...just nothing was enough for her. I try to let her help wrap gifts, but she wants to run the show. She seriously acts as though she is the almighty one and all must bow to her whims and desires the moment she expects it. When we don't, it's all out war in here.

I feel like these damn walls are closing in on me. I need space for myself. room to breathe. Peace and quiet. I need a break.

Well, im off here to deal with bratty kids so we can go to his dad's for Christmas. Yippeee, im spilling over with delight! I can't wait for the whole thing to be over with.

Hope your Holidays are going better than mine!

Bless their souls!

Of those last minute shoppers! Holy smokes, I knew it was bad when I had to park darn near out in the employee parking at Walmart! I just knew what i was in for, before ever entering the doors! And I was sure right! It was an absolute mad-house in there! The entire town of Clio and surrounding areas was in Walmart tonight! And im sure tomorrow and Sunday will be equally crazy! I wasn't able to finish up the shopping...i had to abort the mission! Maybe i will venture out later tonight, when most sane ppl are sleeping...lol!

Oh and to top it all off, Jeremy's check was quite short, bc he missed a day! Ouch! We are gonna be getting by by the skin on our teeth until next payday! Ah well, it's for Christmas and I will enjoy every moment of it, poor or not! LOL!

Well, my head is aching, makenneh and jordon are still up and i have tons and tons of wrapping to get done! Calgon take me away!

Woohooo, Christmas!

I just love Christmas. It isn't quite as magical and exciting as it was when I was a kid, waking up Christmas morning to find lots of presents under the tree, opening them, playing, then getting ready to go to grandma and grandpa's house....but it's still exciting. Now i get to bring the joy to my kids' faces. And, because I must be kinda spoiled, I still get a decent Christmas from my parents..and now, from my father in law, too! So, i can still be excited about what gifts I will get, too.

My mouth is hurting something fierce. Something i ate must have made little cuts on the roof of my mouth and it is just sore as can be. To top that off, my bottom right wisdom tooth is playing peek a boo again...they do this every so often...start to come up enough to make me feel like a teething baby! I just want to chew on things! I can truly understand how babies feel when they are cutting teeth. It is uncomfortable.

Tonight, i will join the crazy mob of people out doing last minute shopping. IT shall be an experience. My goal is to just finish it all up tonight so i don't have to go back out in the craze. It's raining right now and I really hope that it stops before tonight. I don't want to Christmas shop in a down pour, thank you very much! This weather is crazy!

Tomorrow I have a Christmas party on my mom's side. NO gift exchange, just family togetherness and good food. it's the first time we have done it this way, wihtout a gift exchange, but this year, money is tight for everyone. I kinda feel bad for the kids, bc they are missing out on the gift exchange. I hope to be able to get something small for each of hte little ones, so they still have something to open.

Well, the bear has opened her eyes and is whining that she is hungry...so it's time to feed the animals...lol.

A Christmas Miracle??!!!??!!

I just got the email from Stacy a little bit ago. Kiersten's surgery went well and she is doing good! I couldn't have asked for more! Thanks to everyone who said a prayer...God was listening!

I'm feeling a bit sad though tonight. Just thinking about things. Things that really should make me feel thankful, and they do, but yet, they make my heart so very sad. Last week, my mom was up drinking her coffee one weekday morning and heard sirens. She instantly got chills and just knew in her heart that it was an accident involving a kid or kids on their way to school, as it was that time of the morning. A few hours later, my uncle called her, telling her it was a kid from the local high school, on his way to school. He was pronounced dead at the scene. My mom just broke down. Being a mom, your heart just breaks for moms in this situation. Here it was, a little over a week until Christmas, his senior year...and he was on his way to school. Well, today, i was at my uncles and my cousin went to school with this boy. He had a picture of him and showed me and I just looked at that picture and saw a young man, in his football jersery, very much alive and well. His mom should be stressing over last minute christmas gifts for him and getting them wrapped for the big night..instead, she has had to plan his funeral and bury her son. And I sit here, stressed bc my kids are wound up, into everything and just won't stop.

Then, my cousin Desiree's situation has been on my mind. It is Christmastime and her dad hasn't made an effort to see her in three weeks. He promised to pick her up from school one day and left her stranded at school. the only saving grace was that my aunt was with her mother in law and they could go pick her up. Otherwise, my aunt didn't have a vehicle. He did finally manage to bring over about 8 gifts for Des. They were simply addressed: To: Desiree. no love dad, no nothing. My mom went and got her some things to have under the tree. My aunt of course, is doing Christmas for her, but it makes it hard. She has to spend at much on Des as she does her own kids and that means adding a lot of money to her Christmas expense. I so need to get my thoughts out to him. He makes me so mad i see red. I cannot go on keeping it inside. I know they say it's not good to put things in writing like that, bc it could come back to kick you in the ass, and boy have i learned that first hand. But, at the same time, i can't help but think how good it would feel to send him a letter with my thoughts. And really, what can he do or say for it come back and bite me in the ass? HE has nothing! HE is nothing! HE needs to know what a useless piece of scum he is. My shit has more class and more good than he does. My heart breaks for Desiree and the disappointment she has to face all the time from her dad. If you have never seen it, watch the move, Prancer. My mom watched it and just sobbed. It made her think so much of Des. And the girls were the same age when they lost their mom.

My sister got Des the book, A Cracked Shell, or something like that. It's about helping kids deal with loss i guess. i should google it and find out exactly what it is.

Back to a positive thought...i went to the church today to pick up our Christmas package. We were referred by the headstart organization and were adopted by one of the families in the church. I was amazed at what we got. They got for Seb: A check up Elmo..he comes with a stethoscope and other little "dr" accessories, a very sharp outfit, a playschool car pack of some sort and another truck thing. For Makenneh: A baby doll (which i had already gotten her one, so i may either donate this or save for her bday), a doll stroller and a big set of doll clothes. Plus, we got a box of food, including a turkey! What a blessing!

well, i have an extra toddler for the night..actually, for the whole weekend. I know, i've bumped my head..but my friend needs a sitter and i need the cash, so i will survive...lol. He is a good boy..it's just they get wound up!

But first....

The Christmas Stockings....The first two pics are of the Christmas Stockings my late Aunt Dawn made for all of the nieces and nephews. These are the cause of tears each Christmas season, since she passed, as I get them out and hang then up, knowing that she was never able to finish Sebastians, thinking how much I miss her! We always told her she should make them to sell, but the problem is, they really take a lot of time to make them and the cost was about 20$ or so each...and she just didn't think she would be able to sell them at a price to justify the work that goes into them. but, idk, bc mine is well, 26 yrs old, has been washed...and washed and is still in good condition..mine is hte 2nd one! It's even white and has still stood the test of time!

The big downfall to them is they cost a lot to fill. I feel for my parents, when the dollar stores weren't available like today...it takes a lot to fill these buggars.



And now, here are the pics of the party tonight. this one is of Makenneh and her friends, Rashelle and Amaya, working on those bead things I was talking about in the last post! Makenneh and Rashelle were the last 2 at the table, finishing up!
Seb working on the pinecone trees...he wanted to eat the glue..go figure..i used to do that, even in 1st grade...school paste is the whip! LOL. I knew he would want to eat it, heck, i was expecting him to try to eat the darn pine cone! He wants to eat everything!

A house with no door...or windows for that matter

Tonight was the "Winter Fun Night" aka Christmas Party for Makenneh's class. All the families were invited and we had a night of crafts.

When we first arrived (which we were about a half hour late), we ate dinner (nothing special, believe me, bc it's school food..i think it was supposed to be bbq rib type things..but it was all processed and formed and shaped..and just wierd..but edible, or maybe i was that hungry). Then, we we headed to the pinecone table, where we made Christmas trees out of pinecones...they are so cute and fun and easy to make...just get a very small terra cotta pot, glue a pinecone in it..."paint" glue on the pinecone, then sprinkle with glitter, confetti type pieces, whatever you want.

Again, excuse the poor quality...cheap camera! The biggest is the one Makenneh made, the middle is the one i made and the smallest is the one Seb "made". it was complete coincidence that we ended up with a perfect set of "trees". They look just lovely up on the entertainment center!

The next stop was the Santa ornament made from the shape of the kids' hands. We traced their hand, in the mitten shape, with thumb sticking out, cut it out, then they decorated them like santas, punched a hole in top and put an ornament hook in. Just cute!

As you can see, you turn the hand cut out upside down and the thumb serves as the tip of santa's hat! We used googly craft eyes for his eyes and cotton balls for the "fur".

Then it was off to the Gingerbread houses...this is where i would have preferred to start, but hey, i let makenneh pick!
We used empty milk cartons and all the gingerbread making goodies! Talk about a mess! And the frosting was made a bit too thin..but it was still fun and it turned out cute!
And as the subject says...it's a house with no door, or windows! But marvelous nontheless!

Then it was to the Wreath table. Here, we used paper plates with the center cut out, green construction paper and a premade bow! Don't forget the glue...using our finger or scissors, we curled the construction paper and glued it around the plate...



Next, we made picture frames out of foam craft cutouts. It was a simple craft. Miss Wendy took a family picture for each family and we used them for the frames. They even supplied magnets so we can hang our pictures on the fridge! I did this myself, bc Makenneh wanted to work on one without a picture. I didn't get too creative bc by this time, Sebastian was just wandering around, and was rather crabby bc he didn't have a nap today! So, i just used the sticky foam pieces to hold the picture down. Also, we were towards the last ones to get to the tables, so supplies were dwindling...

The last table we visited was a perlebead table. I don't know how to explain these really to those who don't know what they are. But you have a plastic shape with small pegs all over it. you put these little bitty rubbery "beads" onto the pegs, then you put a piece of wax paper over it, iron it just long enough to bond the beads, then flip it over and repeat on the other side. They can make some cute things...but we were running out of time...i made a star and Kenneh made a heart. I didn't take a pic of these bc my star is in the car and her heart didn't get melted long enough so a chunk came out. But, Miss Wendy offered the rest of hte kit to me so i got to bring it home.

We had lots of fun and have lots of decorations for the house!

Oh, and the teachers loved their gifts. I figured they would bc how can you really go wrong with chocolate, unless the person doesn't like it..which i knew they both did!

Tonight was her last night of school until after the new year! The positive is i don't have to worry about getting her to and from school for a couple weeks! The negative is she is going to miss it and not be so happy! Not to mention, the few hours per day break is nice at times! Hey, they do have early headstart for Seb's age...perhaps i should sign him up, eh? LOL. I think that is actually a home based program where they come in and help parents teach the kids, etc.

Anyway, I'm gonna make one more post with the other pics from tonight..the action pics..making the crafts and then that's all i have tonight!

My Christmas Wish

Everyone wants ideas for me for Christmas....but it's so hard to think of things I want. funny, huh? Well, I can think of several things that I really want this Christmas, but they are things that can't be bought or made.

My first Christmas wish this year is for Kiersten to have a successful surgery! I pray for a speedy recovery for her and I pray for Stacy and Jon to have peace and strength during this very difficult time. I do ask that everyone out there pray for this little baby! She was just born Sept 15 and was the smallest of the twins. They detected a heart murmur and further testing detected a hole in her heart. Stacy and her family were flown from Germany to Washington DC this week, where Kiersten will undergo heart surgery to fix this, tomorrow. The family is staying at the Ronald McDonald house there and that's where they will spend their Christmas. So, please remember them as you are enjoying your family in the comfort of home this holiday season!

My second wish is for every child to have something under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning!

My 3rd wish is for families to come together in love, peace and harmony and enjoy each other this holiday season. Life is short and over before we know it.

My 4th wish is that our military people could be home for the holidays. It is heartbreaking to think that so many service men and women will spend Christmas in a foreign land, without any family or friends, so that I can go to bed at night safely and wake up with freedom! God Bless each and every one of you!!!!!!!!

My 5th wish is that I wake up Christmas morning to find the deed to the house i want under my Christmas tree!!! Good luck, huh???

I hope everyone has a Very Merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!!!

A small, much appreciated, unexpected break

We went to my parents today so Jeremy could help dad fix my seat in the car. Well, My dad's niece (who is actually the same age as my parents) moved into the duplex next to my parents...and she has 2 grandkids that kenneh loves to play with, Kurstyn and Kollin. Well, Karen came over to talk to my dad for a few mins and Makenneh wanted to know where her "friends" were. she threw a fit when she realized they weren't there. Well, karen ended up taking Kenneh to her place to see her christmas tree and then Makenneh stayed there with Karens daughter, Ashley (Mom to Kurstyn and Kollin). It was so nice to have a couple hours of peace and quiet without kids running around...bc believe it or not, Sebastian was taking a nap at the very same time! luck or what?! Of course, it wasn't such a good deal for Ashley bc her kids were at grandpa's and yet, she ended up with one of mine, but they had fun playing hide and seek. Now, Makenneh is at my parents' for the night and they are making a gingerbread house right now.

Seb is watching Over the Hedge right now and being pretty good. Although, as soon as i started typing that, he came over here with a small toy, wanting me to do something with it, but what, i have no idea..nothing is making him happy.

Well, we have had a couple days in a row without fevers or sickies. Woohoo! I hope the flu bug or whatever it was, is gone for good now! I served my fair amount of time, i think.

I received my card from Helen yesterday. It is so marvelous! I think i will have to make my own cards next year. If i plan ahead and work on them, it shouldn't be a problem. And they are so cute. I got a package today from my Grandma and Aunt Bev. It was my cookie plate that they had forgotten to bring to the family Christmas party! What fun to get packages in the mail, although, i must say, i didn't expect them to mail them to me...I was very surprised!

Well, im gonna venture over to babyzone and catch up there, then im gonna get ready for bed...i am exhausted!

A better day

Of course, it started out a lil rough. I went to get in the car and the damn driver's seat is broke. Come to find out, it has been fixed before, and it just broke where the old weld was or something. Anyway, I had to drive to work without a back secure to the bottom of the seat. Makes for interesting driving, let me tell ya. Then, i got to work and discovered that i had left my money at home, so i had no money for anything to eat or drink all day. I called good ol reliable mommy though and she brought it up to me when she was able. She then came up later and switched me vehicles so dad can try to fix my seat. I honestly do not know what i would do without my parents. They are so incredible. Always willing to go out of their way to help us kids out! I wish I could give them the world in return. I can never repay them for all of their selflessness! Lord knows i have tried! but one thing you can bank on is neither of my parents will spend a day in a nursing home or any such thing...i will do what it takes to take care of them when they grow old and weary..it's the least i can do for all the years they have gone without out, put us first and did all they could to make life better for us!

OK, enough of the warm and fuzzies! Hahahahha! Last night, i started a project...downloading songs from the 80s and early 90s. I am an 80s baby so i love this music. Of course, Jeremy tries to tease me about it, yet i catch him singing right along! Ha! That is one thing i need to get back into is my music. I have always loved music and used music to relate. Then, i went for a long streak where i never listened to music much. But this 80s stuff is just kickin! I am feeling good! I mean, how can you feel like crap when listening to "Good Thing" by Fine Young Cannibals? LOL

I'm also feeling the Christmas spirit more now! Probably because I am relaxing about having the money to pull it off. And, I have no idea what has come over me, but i have this sudden urge to be suzy homemaker. I want a house with enough room to sew clothes and other odd projects, a kitchen large enough to bake in, things like that. I'm sure it would be therapeutic to have such hobbies. although, the baking could be hazardous to my health, im sure.

Ok, Jeremy is heading to bed and this is one night we can go to bed together, at the same time...imagine that! So, im off here!

3AM

and both kids are still up. Seb was sleeping, but Makenneh was being a huge brat and woke him up with her whining and crying and carrying on. I just put him back in his crib and he is screaming for dear life. The neighbors probably think i beat the kid, the way he screams. It is pathetic.

I am supposed to be to work at 1030am...haven''t been to bed yet! I have a severe migraine (hmmm, stress induced, i wonder?) that makes me want to drill a hole in my head to alleviate the pain and pressure.

On a good note, I picked up my check today and did some Christmas shopping. I am feeling better about that, bc now, even if we had to call this good enough, the kids would still have a decent Christmas. Whew! Of course, there are still many things i want to get them, but we will see how the money situation goes.

I cleaned the living room this evening and it actually looks quite nice in here for the moment. Of course, as i type, Makenneh is setting up "tents" with her table and chair set and making a mess. And as soon as Seb's feet hit the floor after being woke up, he tore the skirt out from under the tree. For some reason, he doesn't want to leave the tree skirt alone. I give! The top of my entertainment center is dusted, uncluttered, with my centerpieces put back where they belong. It actually looks nice! How long it lasts is another thing. I should take pictures and hang them nearby to show visitors what it should look like.

Makenneh has been so defiant Grandpa had to get after her today. The kids stayed at my parents' house while i got my check and did some santa shopping. Well, i got back to find out that papa had to get firm with her and set her on the couch for mouthing off to my mom! After I got home, she got a swat for being mouthy and unruly. I truly am at my wits end. She is so damn defiant! God please hear my pleas! Let her be an easy teenager..let her hit teens and be calm and polite and respectful. I won't survive if she is worse than she is now! I know i won't.

My computer seems to have a mind of its own lately. It is slow as snails and lagging like crazy. It does some crazy stuff. I really hope it isn't a virus. There are enough viruses in this household, thank you very much.

Well, im off here to try to catch a few winks...btwn kids and this headache, don't know how successful i will be. It does sound as if Seb has finally met the sandman though! Now hopefully he stays asleep. Makenneh sounds like she is preparing for winter or something...you should hear it...sounds like she is constantly rearranging things to get them just so. I think she is just overly tired and beside herself. Oh, wait, silence....could she be...no, she couldn't be laying down to sleep now, could she? Well, whatdya know...she is. All covered up! Whew! I may be able to get those few winks after all!

Vacation, Please!

I have dealt with my fair share of illness in this household for awhile, but it doesn't seem that it matters, as Makenneh is saying she doesn't feel good again...she is rosy cheeked and tired. I'm afraid that her dinner is going to find it's way out soon! And then we have this issue with her thinking I have to do everything for her. She acts just short of an invalid most of the time. It is getting to me. I know she can wipe her own bottom, pour her own drinks, dress herself, put her own coat on, yet she is always wanting me to do it. she won't even go to the bathroom without me. I don't know what she does at school when im not there....oh wait, yes i do..she does it herself! What a concept. I am out of patience. They have gotten up and left.

Jeremy stayed home from work today, sick as all get out. He has managed to get about 8 hours or more on the xbox in today. That has me a wee irritated as well. Then, for the very brief time that he was not playing video games, meaning i could use the internet, he wanted me to sit and watch a movie with him...oh joy! Fast and furious,, tokyo drift. You gotta know i just love that movie enough to watch it a million times.

I have two sinks heaped with dirty dishes from the mess they all made cooking big ol meals on sunday while i was in bed sick. I haven't tackled them yet bc my period this month is killing me. I have no energy and cramps that are about as bad as labor contractions. I prefer to spend my time curled in a fetal position on the couch. But, being a woman and all, that isn't allowed. There are kids to chase, messes to clean, laundry to wash and so on.

Yes, i have run out of pills...do not want to haul two kids to sit hours on end at the doctor's office to get a refill, and just got a paper in mail today that my insurance is canceled, which means, i will not have the pills until that gets straightened around.

I am sure that if one more thing goes wrong, im going to go over the deep end. I guess i should stop complaining now and go lock myself in my bedroom...i shall take my alarm clock radio in there with me that i just got as a gift and turn it up as loud as possible to drown out the whining and crying and fighting and carrying on that is going on out here!

Oh My

The bug didn't stop with Makenneh. Seb ended up throwing up Sat night and then had diarhea all day sunday....as did Makenneh. I ended up buying pull ups for Makenneh bc she just couldn't always make it to the bathroom in time and dirtied all of her undies in a matter of less than 24 hours. She keeps reminded us that she is a big girl. Hoepfully the pull ups don't set her back on the potty training.

I ended up sick as heck yesterday too. I slept most of the day, on and off. I still feel it today. Of course, to top this flu bug off, i started my period and have all that yucky feeling too. Just can't win, i suppose. Poor lil Makenneh fell asleep yesterday around 330pm and slept until 630am. i had to keep checking on her. I was worried about her. And then Sebastian just stayed right at my side all day. He didn't want me out of his sight...hell, he didn't want me out of his reach. He is still being that way today. Although, today he has already ventured so far as to snatch up a marker and eat it...making his lips and teeth and tongue black. That's more than he did yesterday. That's how i knew he was sick...he wasn't even interested in getting into mischief.

I threatened jeremy that i was going to shut the heat off, open this place up and let it drop to 32 degrees F and kill off any and all bugs that might be lingering in here. LOL. I don't want to be sick anymore. THis is the most miserable i have been since my gall bladder attacks..and I have had enough of it.

Makenneh is getting so big and grown up. She has been good far more than she has been bad this past week. She has been very helpful and even tries to teach brother things. like right now, he wants up here and he is hitting me to try to get what he wants. she just told him that he can't hit mom, he has to say UP. Of course, he isn't listening to his lesson. Why is it that kids feel the need to "hit" you to get your attention...ya know..the ol.."Mmoooommmm" while they are hitting your arm or side or whatever. Where do they get that idea from...grrrr.

Well, time to wrap this up and head to the bathroom again! I sure hope this stuff goes away soon!

What gives?

Seriously...I got the kids up yesterday and was getting ready for my 11am shift at work and low and behold..Makenneh throws up! So, thinking (ok really just hoping) that it's probably just from the phlegm, i continue to get us ready. Well, we get to my aunt's and before I could get out the door...Makenneh throws up all over the place. So, we get that cleaned up and then it was back to back trips to the bathroom, putting clean undies on each time..until i ran out of clean undies...i was trapped bc i couldn't just leave my aunts to bring her home...she would never make the 15 mins drive without an accident. I called into work, not wanting to leave my aunt to clean up messes all day like that and after about 45 mins of her running back and forth to the bathroom, i felt safe enough to attempt the trip home. I got her home and she continued to get sick for most of the day. This morning, she woke up and was fine...she slept through the night without incident so i really thought we were done. I had some shopping to finish up for the Christmas party we have tomorrow and so off we set. (jeremy was working so i had to take kids). Well, we get inside the store and Makenneh says she has to go potty. Get her in there and she had had an accident (of the smelly sort) in her pants...so undies in the garbage, we set back off to shop...i did quick shopping and we had to use the bathroom 3 times. Ugh! Needless to say, one person i had to buy for got a gift card. I was all done with that shopping trip. The good thing is, the kids did get thier pics taken with Santa for Free! That was nice...although Seb wanted nothing to do with santa, so i had to sit on santa's lap too! I will upload the pics later.

We have the Christmas party for my dad's side of the family tonight.. I can't wait! Good thing it's only 3 hours away. And i have lots of things i need to be doing, rather than sitting here in front of this computer...like making my dish to pass, rounding up the gifts we have to take, packing the diaper bag, getting myself and Makenneh ready (Seb is with daddy...they ran to Uncle Mike's).

So, i guess, i will get off here, get started on some things i need to get done and ill be back to post pics sometime soon!

A - Available or single: Married! :)
B - Best Friend: Stacy and Tiffney
C - Cake or Pie: Cake
D - Drink of choice: Coke
E - Essential Item you use everyday: my contacts
F-Favorite color: I don't know..it was lavendar..but i also like so many other colors!
G - Gummy Bears or worms: niether
H - Hometown: Clio
I - Indulgence: computer
J - January or February: Have to agree with Julieq..Feb..closer to spring
K - Kids & Names: Makenneh Mae Dawn, Sebastian William Paul
L -Life is Incomplete Without? My Family
M - Marriage Date: May 22, 2004
N - Number of Siblings: One brother and one sister, both younger than me
O - Oranges or Apples: Apples
P - Phobias or Fears: I don't have any phobias really, but i am kind of afraid of the dark when im alone
Q - Fave Quote: Love is friendship set on fire; You can't see where you're going if you're always looking back are two that come to mind
R - Reason to Smile: My kids
S - Season: Spring. I love when everything comes to life and the darn snow melts away!
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Stacy, Anna..really they are the only ones who read me that haven't been tagged
U - Unknown Fact about Me: gee, i tend to be an open book, so i can't think of anything (of importance anyway) that nobody knows (that i would be willing to share here that is...lol)
V- Vegetable You Don't Like: peas aren't my favorite..i can choke them down and i do eat them in salads and such, but don't care to eat them by themselves.
W - Worst Habit: smoking...but julie, i do chew on my cheek too!!!!!
X-Rays? just for muy teeth!
Y - Your Fave Food: mexican
Z - Zodiac Sign: leo

Is it over yet?

Look at that attitude! I told her she could stand in front of the tree and when i asked her to smile, that's the pose i got!!!

DAddy took this picture, bc he thought it was just too cute! It was a night i was working. The bear she is holding is one from when he was a kid!!!

This is a picture of the tree, although it came out blurry. I decided tonight that i need a new digital camera! I just got this one last year, and opted for a cheap one...but i now i see why i need a better one!

And here is a pic of my little chef! I walked away for a second and he had a chair scooched up to the counter, spatula in hand and was turning the sausage links. I was right there, and they were on low..but after the initial fear...i thought it was quite cute!
And of course, the pic is blurry...grrr!


And now to my post......

The day that is. Geesh! Sebastian has spent the better part of the past hour crying. He is fighting sleep and wants no part of it. He just quieted down. Makenneh is on the couch watching Narnia.

Im in a sort of pickle at the moment. A lady at work wanted to me to cover her shift for her tomorrow from 10-7. She had asked me a week ago. well, I got the paper from the teacher yesterday and my parent teacher conference is tomorrow at 3. Right smack dab in the middle of my shift. These conferences are a requirement for Headstart because it is a state-funded program. I tried calling work today to see if i could work a 10-3 shift or if someone else could just take the shift all together. Well, i was told that i had to talk to my assistant manager...well that's all fine and good, except today was her day off. So, i have no idea what to do. I can't wait til the last minute to arrange a sitter and all and i tried to get it taken care of, but the Customer service Supervisor (my immidiate sup) said she couldn't handle the situation. Grrrrr.

Anway, we finally got our tree decorated today. Makenneh did a lot of it and it looks just marvelous. Even with the bare spots here and there and clusters of ornaments in other places...lol. Sebastian doesn't want to leave it alone either..he thinks the bulbs are freakin balls and wants to take them and throw them. Thankfully, most of the ornaments at the bottom are all nonbreakable. Most of them are ones that i couldn't care less about it.

Of course, with getting out the Christmas decorations, comes the Christmas Stocking issue. I ended up in tears again this year. My aunt Dawn made all the nieces and nephews this huge stockings for Christmas. Well, she passed away when i pg for Sebastian and had started his but never finished it. My aunt Kathy does have the started stocking, but nobody has finished it yet. I really would love for it to be finished. It makes me so sad that he doesn't have a stocking. I bought him one today that was pretty big (and only a dollar at the dollar store) to use this year. Last year, i had his first Christmas stocking, so it was no big deal. I wish i would have taken the time to learn how to make those stockings, then i could have finished it myself. I just never really had the patience for crocheting. I tried learning and i do have the basics down, but can't do anything like all the projects my aunts and mom can do.

Well, i took some pics today and had some on my memory card from november...so i will post them!

I have some News to share.....

I'm going to be an aunt! My brother's girlfriend is pregnant! They just found out Friday! Of course, Carrie's stepson is technically my first nephew...but this will be my first blood niece/nephew! My brother is pretty excited. He tells everyone that he is going to be a dad! it seems so weird in a way. LOL. I kinda hope they have a boy, bc then Sebastian would have a boy cousin close to his age...as Seb will only be 2 when the baby is born. And that brings to this....She is tentatively due August 4th. My bday is August 11th. Of course, we have several bdays in early August...A. Bev, A. Jean, Ralph just off the top of my head. Theirs are all before mine.

It looks like we are going to have an eventful summer/fall in 07. Carrie and Ralph are getting married in July, Sara is due for baby number 1 in Aug. and our cousin, Shannon is getting married in September. Oh and lets not forget the numerous Seniors we have graduating high school this year meaning several open houses to attend in June. Oh, and a cousin/friend (she is like a 3rd cousin, technically) is getting married in June, too. Wow! Talk about breaking the bank. I better start saving for all that stuff now!

Oh and something cute...Tonight Sara called me about dinner (we often eat dinner together) and when I hung up, Jeremy asked who it was. I told him it was Sara. Kenneh asked if it was her cousin Sarah and we said no, Aunt Sara. She said, "Oh and Uncle Matt." We said, yes. She comes back with, "my uncle says bad words." just as nonchalantly as possible. It was hilarious. Jeremy busted a gut laughing and she was like, " Daddy why are you laughing?" He said, bc you are too cute, kid! It was so cute. She said that because her and Sara will gang up and tease matt and he teases back...You're a chicken...so you are a bull frog that can't ribbit...etc, etc. Well, everytime they do this, she insists he is saying bad words when he isn't. But, i had to call matt right away to tell him..he got a kick out of it. He said great, the next time i take her or pick up from school, her teacher is gonna be like, "we need to talk." LOL. You know little kids tell their teachers half truths (and some full truths) of everything! One of my mom's cousins is an elementary teacher and she told us one time that if parents knew half the stuff thier kids told the teacher, they would never face the teacher for parent-teacher conferences. LOL. One girl told Deanna that daddy was out of town so mommy's boyfriend is staying the night. These are like 1st and 2nd graders. They are so darn innocent!

And once again, Im going to request that all of you say prayers/send good thoughts, whatever your beliefs are...One of Stacy's twin girls, Kierstyn (sorry if i spelled it wrong, Stacy) has a hole in her heart that will require operation. Please pray for her health and full recovery. Also pray for Jon and Stacy's strength to get through this, as i know it has to be very emotional for them! Stacy's mother in law told me the other day that they are waiting up to a couple months for her to get a little big bigger. Stacy, correct me if any of this information is wrong. And Stacy, I also wanted to tell you that while Jon's mom was telling me this while I was at walmart (I see her there quite a bit), a customer was in my line and heard. She inquired about it a little bit and i told her the gist of it and she said she will pray for all of you, too! I just thought that was so touching that a complete stranger would be so thoughtful.

Speaking of Walmart, I belong to an opinion network thing...Knowledge Networks. I had a survery today about Walmart...lol. A bit bias opinions im sure. It has to do with thier possible new tagline for marketing/advertising. I thought it was kinda neat that i get a "vote" so to speak, on the new slogan...lol. Companies, politicians, etc use the information gathered by KN in marketing, advertising, decision making, and all around satisfying the customer. And the cool thing is, i make a little extra cash for doing it. You only get one dollar for every 1000 points but still, it adds up. You can redeem your points for entries into drawing or save it up and redeem for cash (as long as you have 25000 pts or more). I am almost there to getting my 25.00. Of course, i redeemed 1000 pts to enter a drawing for a $150 visa gift card....so now im at like 22500. YOu get at least 1000 per survey, sometimes more. And i figured, i spend enough time online anyway, may as well make a few dollars while sitting here, otherwise wasting time. And the surveys are usually pretty short.

WE finally put the Christmas tree up tonight, but still have to put the lights and decorations on it. I will probably do the lights tomorrow, while he is at work and then when he gets home, we can decorate it. We all helped in putting the tree up...even little Sebastian. it was fun! Sebastian wasn't sure about touching the tree though, as it is a different texture. And I just wish you guys could all see the facial expressions this kid makes. They are quite hilarious. But it's almost impossible to capture by camera, as they change so fast. I need a video cam to get it..and even then..i would have to keep it handy at all times to catch it. I so wish i could bottle them up, along with his belly laughter and save them for times when he is being a stinker, which seems to be more often than not these days. we are heading into terrible twos. And I have to say, I am quite sad to think about my baby turning 2. I want to freeze time. He is the last one. There will be no more. NO more bottles, no more newborn smell, no more little receiving blankets wrapped tightly around a bundle of baby. I just have to remember that now it's time for my siblings to have babies..as they have now started doing...and I can cuddle and enjoy that newborn stage and send them home to keep mommy and daddy up all night. I can hold and love and kiss on them and not have to change dirty diapers, deal with colic...none of that dirty work....lol.

Well, i need to get to bed..i have been so tired lately. Not getting enough sleep at night and it's just not something you can ever catch up on and even if you could, it's impossible with little ones running around.

exhaustion

I ended up working over tonight. And the day flew by as we were so busy..i had nonstop customers the whole time i was at work. I didn't get my last break til like 10:05 and i was supposed to be out at 10! But, there were reasons for that...4 ladies, with several carts full of groceries....and two different bridge cards, one of which didn't go through, meaning I had to void over 200.00 worth of groceries, one at a freakin time. i was livid. Why didn't that lady call and make sure her benefits were available on the card before buying so many damn groceries? I ended up with 2 full carts of groceries to return. That is rediculous! I spent a good amount of time with them, as i had to first ring up all those groceries, then void most of them off. Grrrr! To top that off, i get home at about 1230 and Jeremy and Makenneh are both still up! WTF.,..and Makenneh is still up. I am ready to drop and she wants to play her Elmo game on the computer. Im hoping she crashes out soon. Where do they get their energy from? I need some! I got home and checked my schedule adn i have to be back to work at 9am. IF i would have known that earlier, i wouldn't have volunteered to stay after...but oh well, its sunday, i make an extra dollar an hour on sunday, so it was worth it i suppose!

Well, i am making this short tonight bc my back hurts and i just want to lay down...night all!

I don't want to switch right now

Blogger keeps asking me to try the new beta version. Im just not sure i want to and i think i read that once you switch you can't switch back. so, im leary of making the big switch.

Anyway, i have the day off today. haven't done much of anything. i took a shower...lol. I slept in til 11am..that felt great! But of course, makes the day fly right on by when ya do that. I work tomorrow from 2-10.

After staring at one of the bold headings on the new issue of Cosmopolitan, Naughty Sex, I finally had to buy a copy last night after work. LOL. i must say, i was somewhat dissappointed. It had some "new" positions in there. Don't think any of them will look too sexy if i attempted to try them, though. LOL. Something about trying to do it in a doorway, with one leg up, yada yada, just doesn't paint a pretty picture when i think about it. And i don't usually buy magazines and i was reminded why...they are mostly filled with stupid ads. Why do i want to pay money to look at ads for things to spend more money on? And all those hot items...ahhahha..not for this pocket book! And speaking of magazines..i recently started receiving the nick jr mags. yeah, i know, from one extreme to the other, huh? Anyway, the first issue thanked me for my order and had a deal where i could extend the subscription at a huge discount! All fine and well, but umm, i never ordered any magazines. Where did it come from? Tis a mystery. Sometimes i think they do this to get ppl hooked on them and to subscribe. i remember my aunt dawn telling me about getting mags that she hadn't ordered either and there was never a bill. Same thing happened to my mom. Im telling ya its a gimmick. But a free gimmick if you don't give in to their offers of great discounts on an extended subscription. So, ill enjoy the nick jr mags while they come but they aren't getting any of my money. Ok, who knows. makenneh really enjoys the noodle pull out for the kids.

Next weekend starts all the holiday festivities. Saturday is the Christmas party for my dad's side. Then sunday is jeremy's dad's side. Woohoo. I may not get to go to jeremy's sides...darn. i have to work 7a-3 and the party is at 1. Fine by me. They wait til the last min to decide things and i work retail. not always feasable to get a weekend day off at last minute. Oh well, such is life. Maybe ill just come home after work and enjoy a few hours of time to MYSELF! All by myself. Just me, myself and I. That sounds like the best gift ever, huh?

Jeremy bought Over the Hedge Dvd today at a pawn shop or maybe it was the flea market up the road...anyway, he got like 5 movies for a total of 20.00. That's what you would pay for just the over the hedge at a store.

Well, im off here to do something while Seb is napping.

Before I go to bed

I thought I would blog a minute. I really have a few things i could rant and rave about...but i need to be to bed...gotta work at 7am! So perhaps i will save those for another time. Whew, you dodged the bullets that time, huh!

Well, one thing i will rave about is Harold. I am done just referring to him as my uncle or my cousin's dad or my late aunt's husband. He isn't a dad by any means and he was a lousy ass husband. So, he is just harold from here on out. And before I spill it out, God, forgive me for the way this man makes me cringe and sick and full of anger. Many of you probably remember the posts about how my aunt Dawn passed away 2 novembers ago and left my 10 yr old cousin, Des. Well, my aunt michelle now has legal custody of her. harold can see her whenever he wants, he just chooses not to. When he does spend time with her, its to take her to fast food or just something quick. she isn't allowed at his house bc the wicked wife won't allow it. For her bday which was oct 27, she wanted a bike more than anything. He bought her some cheap ass game. The twins (wicked wife's kids) got bikes from them for bdays. WTF?! Most of the time he doesn't answer her calls or cuts her real short. he never has time for her. he is a useless piece of shit and may he rot in the firey pits of hell for all the hell he has made here on earth for my aunt and my cousin! How do you explain to an 11 yr old that her dad just doesn't care about her? That he is a loser and stupid and selfish and useless and all out a waste of life? You can't! You have to grin and bear it, watch her get hopes up only to have them shattered. YOu watch her try so desperately to gain his approval, only to fall short. She got kicked out of school bc she is acting up. The principal told her, "I know you want your dad's attention, but this is not the way to go about it." That is so sad, that even the principal, at a new school, can see the damage he does to this child. I think my aunt michelle needs to just say enough is enough. Oh and get this...bc she got kicked out of school, harold tells her that if she acts up again, he won't come see her! WTF.,.,.i would never tell my child, hey if you act up, you wont be able to see me. Just bc he is a non custodial parent doesn't mean he can use visitations as a weapon to get her to behave. Try spending time with her. Try putting her before that wicked wife and her kids. Try showing that you actually give a damn! Just try. I dare ya! He makes my skin crawl. He makes my stomach twist! He is disgusting. I have never met a more disgusting human being in my life. ANd i pray i never meet another. unfortunately, i know there are more harolds out there. There are even bigger monsters, but i have not had to deal with them and their actions. And yeah, i guess i am filled with anger towards him. But, growing up, i looked up to him. I spent a lot of my time with my aunt and him. I wanted to live with them. They were like 2nd parents to me. And i feel betrayed as well. I feel like he has let me down. I guess i just hoped and thought he was a better person. I thought he was a man. A real man wouldn't do these horrible things to their child. He has basically made her an orphan. and all for the sake of a piece of ass. i don't get it. yeah, sex is great, but damn, you can get sex any time without having to shut your child out of your life, basically kick her out of her home.

Ok, i must end this rant. It is raising my blood pressure for sure. I am about 2 seconds from having smoke blowing out my ears and my eyes turning red with rage. Therapy = I need to confront him about this. I need to tell him what a dirtbag he is. I would feel better. I would get it off my chest and be done with it. *pencils in time for confrontation with a monster*

Deep breath...in through nose, out through mouth...and again! repeat 10 times! oooh saaaaah~!

Blogging is so theurapeutic (not so sure i spelled that one right). I can vent, rage, rant, laugh, cry...whatever. get it out!

Well, 530am is gonna come oh so early. I hate mornings...have i never mentioned that before? LOL. The plus is, i will be up and probably out of the house before either kid wakes up. That is wonderful..i may actually get to shower by myself...shhhhh! And I will have no fits when i put my shoes on to leave. No little one shutting the door as if to say i cannot leave and he will see to it. I can pretend all is well and saunter out the door leisurely to my job..where the only children screaming and throwing fits are those belonging to someone else...who will eventually pay and leave the store! i don't hardly notice those fits anymore...i just tune them out. I feel for the parents sometimes....bc i know what it's like. If they are in my line, i try to calm the child with something silly said or sometimes, i say, "no crying allowed in my line/store, etc." Sometimes it works, sometimes they look at me like ive lost my mind. I have. But that's besides the point.

Ok, really off to bed now!!!! Good night to all in blogland!

What a surprise!

We had a foreign exchange student in the 96-97 school year, from Germany. She has come back to visit since and we had lost touch after mom shut our house phone off and switched to cell phones. well, Nicki has been trying to find us and has been looking up numbers. She finally found one listing for my aunt Bev. She called her and was able to get mom's cell number! So, she called mom tonight! Mom was so excited. she also got my email address from mom and already emailed me a short note and a couple pics. I haven't really been able to talk to mom since the phone call, bc she has company now, but im dying to find out what all nicki said. I hope she is gonna try to come visit soon! She also said she is gonna try to find Stacy on the army base there in Germany! So, Stacy, expect an unexpected visitor some time! LOL!

I am woman...

hear me roar!!!! LOL. Our washer has been unlevel since it was put there! As a result, the damn thing never wants to spin out without buzzing loudly, screaming for me to come manually balance the clothes. This irritates me bc every load spins a couple of times and well, it becomes monotonous to rearrange soaking wet, cold clothes at least twice every load. I wasn't able to do laundry at night, for fear that the buzzing would wake the sleeping bears. Well, seems how we just brought in the other dryer, i told hubby not to put it in until we fixed the washer. Well, he woke up sick early this morning and so he is sleeping right now...i need to get laundry going bc we have dirtied so much laundry with this flu bug, it's not even funny. So, i decided to level the ol' washer all by myself. And i succeeded. I pulled the ol level out of the closet, got the board from the porch and me and my muscle (LOL) leveled that washer. i am now washing a load of clothes and it is relatively quiet. As quiet as a 20 yr old machine can be, anyway. ANd it's not screaming at me to balance the clothes. I'm loving it. And furthermore, i am drying clothes, bc i had my cousin, who stayed the night last night, help me get it plugged in. the cord is so rediculously short that you had to climb behind the dryer, plug it in, then climb up over the washer and out. Not something my large body is gonna be doing. I woulda been stuck and i can see it now! Fat lady trapped behind dryer! I still need to get a piece to put in the front left side of the washer, as it needs a bit of support, but the washer is still working. I shall seek out a piece today to finish it off. I love that i can do these kinda things, if i really have to. Who needs a man? LOL.

I have so much cleaning to get done around here. The kitchen needs cleaned out, so we can put our living room chair out there to make room for the tree. I also need to clean out our bedroom so we can hide Christmas gifts. Ugh, i dread it. Im not on the schedule this week for work, bc I was on my leave when this weeks schedule was generated. I can call up there and be put on, but im kinda thinking, it may be good to take the time to get things done around here. not to mention, we are all still suffering with this bug and it would give us time to get over it, hopefully. Poor Makenneh said last night that she wanted to see her teachers. She missed all last week. i didn't make a deal about it. in fact, i never told her she was missing school. But, she missed going, for sure.

Well, im off here to get some stuff done. Oh how i don't want to deal with my bedroom. it is so disastrous.

When will this bug go away?!

We are all still feeling a bit blah! I just wish it would go away...i am sick of feeling sick and so tired. And im sick of cleaning up bodily excretions from the kids.

But, we have had beautiful weather the last few days and for that, I am so glad. I can open the window or door and let some fresh air circulate through this virally infected household. Of course, this constant change in weather does nothing for the body but make us sick..the temps are sure to drop drastically again soon!

OOOH, and I finally got another dryer today! I have never been so excited to do laundry. I can't wait for hubby to get it all hooked up. With all of us being sick, specifically the kids, I can't keep blankets and towels clean for anything. And the laundromat is a killer on the pocketbook. Not to mention, who wants to haul laundry when ur feeling like absolute crap and it takes all of your energy just to lift your head?

I am starting to get excited about Christmas. Mostly because i have begun shopping and because we will have enough money to not have to struggle so bad through it. of course there are so many things i would love to get them, but have to draw a line somewhere...for monetary reasons as well as lack of room for all those things.

Makenneh got her first real hair cut yesterday. We had a great outing, just us 2! We went to walmart, got a few gifts and then I got her hair cut. This is the first time she has had her hair cut, aside from a couple little trims I have given her. She did so good. The only thing was when her bangs had to be combed down into her face, causing her to have to keep her eyes closed. She said she wanted to see me. I got her to settle for holding my hand instead. I was sorta bad, bc I didn't save a piece of her hair or take pictures, but it wasn't a planned thing. IT was something that needed to be done and we had the time and i had the extra money. I did save her hair both times i had trimmed it and i had also taken pictures then. So, that will have to do. Maybe tomorrow I will take some pics of her with her new hair cut. It was a subtle cut..just trimmed up and then her sides are cut to kinda flow into the back if that makes sense.

On a sad note, I found out today that one of my cousins hung himself last night. That is just so sad. I don't think I had ever met him but it is still so sad. His wife was the one who found him in the garage. I can't imagine what she had to go through, in finding him like that. One thing i think that makes suicide so much more difficult to deal with is the ones close to him always wonder what they could have done to change things. They always wonder, what if...

I also found out today that a friend of the family had his house burn down wednesday night. I found all this out before noon today.

Btwn this news and the news of my previous co-workers who just lost their baby, i realized that I do have so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful that my kids are hell on wheels. I am thankful for having to chase them out of everything and stay on top of them. I am thankful that they are loud, strong-willed and hell-bent. The alternatives are too sad to think about. I am thankful for this crappy place to live. It isn't special, but it is home and it is shelter. It is far more than some people have. I'm thankful that I haven't ever had to know, nor will I ever have to know what it is like to be truly homeless, thanks to a loving and supportive family that would take me in, if need be. I am thankful for my ability to see through the darkness and find the light. I'm thankful that i have never had to feel so desperate and alone that death seemed my only way out. I am thankful that no matter how down i get, I always know that better times are ahead. Everything always works itself out (Thank you dear Lord). I'm thankful for my faith. While I may not go to church on Sundays, or even read the Bible much at all, I do know that there is a God and that He sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins. I know that He walks beside me and carries me through the darkest parts of my life. I know that He will never leave me alone. I also know that He has prepared a place for me and when my time on earth is up, He will call for me. I will enter His kingdom and spend eternity with Him. I'm thankful for my parents. While they may be perfect (who is?), they love me unconditionally and have saw me through some rough times. They are always there for me and I have learned a lot from them...some that they directly taught and others that I learned from their actions. I am thankful for all the things that I have, because while they may not be the best, it may not be much, it is so much more than some people have. I remind myself often that when I think I have it bad, there is always someone who has it worse.

As the holidays approach, I hope everyone remembers those less fortunate and does something, large or small to help make a difference. We have Christmas trees at work that have little paper ornaments on them. on the ornaments are items written down that children have requested for Christmas from less fortunate families. I have mulled over the idea of taking one, as I always used to do this...even in my teens. After having kids and struggling a bit myself, I wasn't able to a couple times and it really bothers me. i feel that it is important to do something, small as it may be. And if by me making a small sacrafice so a child can have a gift under the tree on Christmas morning, then it's worth it. Some say there is no such thing as Santa, but I believe he lives in each one us. In our willingness to do something to make the holidays a bit brighter for even one person. I decided that my kids will get plenty for Christmas. WE have lots of family that will be buying for them as well as us. I will take an ornament from the tree, because, if i don't I will not have as Merry of a Christmas as I could have. The perfect Christmas for me, would be one in which i had the means to provide Christmas for several families in need. I would love nothing more than to go around on Christmas eve and drop bags of gifts off on the porch of families in need. I wouldn't need any recognition for this...for the reward would be the complete feeling of satisfaction within me. the feeling that I made a difference. When I was younger, i used to tell my mom to take one of my gifts and donate it. I plan to instill this same thing in my own kids. I really think that you do get what you give. Maybe not in the same way. But, I have been bailed out, if you will, in hard times and sometimes it came down to wire before someone/something came through...but it always came through. And i feel that's the "coming back around part."

Ok, Ill leave you all with that thought. Even if it's just taking a tray of homemade goodies to the little old lady down the road....do something nice for someone this holiday season!

Busy we...

Were not! At least not like Julie described in her comment to my last post. The ppl were mostly decent and because we are located in a suburban area, we didn't get as high of traffic. Most ppl, IM sure headed into Flint, where they could hit several stores in one small area...kmart, walmart, target, the mall, circuit city, etc. We also had every register open, including those in electronics. So, it spread the customers out. Our store also kept the 5-11am sales going and will continue to do so until all merchandise is sold out. So, i thought that was cool of them. You can go in there now and get most of the stuff that was on the early bird special. I had my mom come in and get a few things for me...like the Vsmile for my kids for $30 and a couple barbies and a Little People play set for $10 for Sebastian. All cashiers that came in at 430am got out early today, bc it was slow enough that we didn't need every register open. I was rather glad, bc i was able to do some more shopping.


I don't know what the celebration is all about, but fireworks are going off like it was the Fourth of July!

That sums up my day....except I have to share this...I came home and was put in a "bad" mood. I walked into the kitchen and my oven front was missing....shattered into pieces, that had been swept up and put into a box. Our front of our oven door was made of tempered glass. jeremy got mad at Makenneh and decided to shove the chair which hit the oven and shattered. I was not happy. I didn't go off like a raging lunatic (thank the pills for that). But, i instead sulked more or less while i mulled thoughts over in my head...feeling like i could cry, but no tears came. I hate that about him. He has a bad temper and takes it out on things like that. Which is better than taking it out on people, but it still upsets me bc, A) I hate that he can allow himself to get that mad, B) he can't control his temper, C)i get sick of stuff getting broken around here bc he flies off the handle. I sat silently in the chair and he said, "Christina, don't get grumpy." I told him i wasn't. Which was true. It was grumpiness i was feeling. I told him that I am not going to have my stuff get ruined all the time just because he can't control his temper. I told him i refuse to live that way. He told me that he will work on it. I said, you better do better than just work on it. My job as a parent is to protect my kids and that's what i will do. Then, after a few mins, i went to my bedroom to be by myself. he came in after about 10 mins and climbed in the bed and snuggled up to me and apologized. I didn't say anything, bc the typical response to an apology is, "it's ok" but it's not ok. He said that he knows that what he did was wrong and he will work on it. I told him that it's not enough to just work on it. It can't happen again. I said, i hate feeling like i can't leave you with the kids for any length of time bc you lose your temper. I said that just isn't good. i told him he needs to give himself a time out when he is feeling that mad. I can' t remember exactly how i worded it, but i more or less told him that if it happens again, i will be forced to make a big decision for the sake of the kids. It's not that i think he would ever hurt the kids...it's that i don't like them exposed to that kind of rage. He has never hit me or pushed me or anything of that sort (or he wouldn't be here, you can count on that), it's just this anger issue. When he told me that she was p;issing him off, so he did that, i asked him what it accomplished. Silence. it couldn't have accomplished anything positive.

So, on to something else, before i get back in a funk.

He did pick up the house and even did some dishes. I know, hold on to your butt, bc that rarely happens. Maybe he felt bad for what he did. I dunno. He is also making dinner. I won't mention that it's just Marie Calander's Lasagna from a box....i don't have to cook, i don't care.

Seb woke up covered in poo this morning. Thankfully, i wasn't here to have to clean it this time. Makenneh is fine now, other than a horrendous cough. Seb still has a lot of phlegm and the diarrhea.

Yeah, that was a good topic, huh?

so, the oven is beeping, dinner must be done or near done....later for now

That's better

Well, I am feeling better this morning. I did go to work yesterday, stayed for about an hour and left. I had chills, but sweating profusely and just felt nauseous. Jeremy's aunt insisted we come over for dinner, so we checked with the rest of the guests, and they were all ok with it, so we went. I did eat....it's so hard to resist a good holiday meal. I went to the bathroom a couple times but then was ok. I still felt a bit yucky, but not as bad. I woke up this morning feeling much better. My stomach is a tad bit upset, but nothing i can't handle.

I will be leaving for work in just a few shorts minutes. It is going to be one crazy day today. I hope it goes by fast.

Well, im off for now! Wish me luck on this crazy shopping day..the busiest of the year!

Early to bed...

I started feeling quite sick last night, so i went to bed early. That's why i was up just before 7am without any kids waking me up. My stomach is churning and I've already made a few trips to the bathroom. I have to go to work. I can't imagine they would appreciate a call in on a holiday. I figure though that if it is real bad, i will go in, they will see how sick i am and send me home. i hate to take pepto bismal or anything of that sort, bc if its a bug, it needs to come out so i can get over it.

I feel so completely exhausted as well. Im sure it goes with this bug we have.

Well, im off to lay back down. Kenneh just came and told me her tummy hurts too...so we are gonna go snuggle in the bed. hopefully I feel better when i wake up.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

It's gonna be a long night...

Well, I finally decided to try to get some sleep and no sooner fell into a good sleep only to be woken up by Makenneh crying again. She had puked again. This time wasn't so bad and easy to clean up which is a good thing bc she didn't even hardly wake up. She is sooo exhausted. I got her cleaned up and new blankets and got on here for a bit to be sure she was gonna be ok and just as i was considering going back to sleep, Sebastian started coughing hard, crying...and went in to find him sitting in his crib with puke all over him. So, i had to get him in the tub and then clean up his crib. He is still up, on the loveseat, watching Barney. It's looking like I won't be making it into work. These poor babies. We are running out of bedding and towels, real fast. And i don't have a dryer! This could get real interesting.

I was talking to my friend Stacy about Jen and losing her baby. Come to find out, she is friend's with josh's sister. So, she was able to fill me in on more details. Come to find out, jen even had complications from delivery and lost a lot of blood. They kept her an extra night to be sure she would be ok. And the baby was born at 930pm and passed away in the night. So, he wasn't still born. he was born a month early but also had other complications bc his skull wasn't formed right. They were aware of this problem during the pregnancy, early on, but jen opted to continue with the pregnancy. Bless her heart. I just know they must be so hurt right now.
On a positive note, if there is such a thing when discussing death, the funeral home here in town offers free funerals for babies one and under. They provide a casket, the funeral service and all of it...Stacy had her son's funeral there and she even got a framed poem, candles with Bryce's name inscribed on them and all free. That is so incredible that they do this. The only thing the parents have to pay for is the obituary and that's because the newspaper handles them. One of the cemetaries also provides free burial in their lullabye land.

it's definitely a tear jerker. And i sit here, up all night with sick kids and can't help but be thankful that i have two healthy (aside from this flu bug) kids that are keeping me up all night. I look at Sebastian, with his big, bright blue eyes and can't help but feel a pain for those parents who have lost a baby. It really puts life into perspective.

Well, I am going to go snuggle up to my little guy and hope he can get some sleep and that the puke bug leaves this house very soon! I can't stand for my babies to be sick.

I was sleeping...

But i woke up to Makenneh crying....in a sick way....i looked over at her and she was covered in puke. Her poor face was just plastered. She had wanted to sleep with me last night and was complaining of not feeling good...so we settled for me sleeping on couch and she was on the floor. Im glad now that i was near her. I was wiping her up and she says, btwn tears, "thanks for doing this for me mom!" She melted my heart. She has been very good with showing a lot of appreciation. I told her that i am her mommy and my job is to take care of her and that's what ill do. I got her wiped up best I could and called for jeremy who surprised me..he heard my 2nd call and when i asked for help he got right up and started the bath for kenneh. She couldn't even open her eyes bc they were covered in puke and i think she tried and got puke in them, making them hurt. It was just so awful. She is now fresh and clean and in clean jammies, snuggled on the couch. i don't know if im gonna be able to go back to sleep. I always fear the kids choking on their vomit, during sleep. IM supposed to be to work at 7am in the morning, but not sure what to do. My mom was gonna babysit, but i really don't want to expose her to flu, if that's what Makenneh has, bc they are going up to my gmas for Turkey day and I can't risk my gma getting sick like this. She is in her late 80s and Im quite sure it wouldn't be a good thing for her to get this yucky flu. Not to mention, my mom and dad don't wanna get it nor anyone else who is going to be around them for the holiday! I hate to call in, so i will play it by ear.

It would look real bad me calling in tomorrow. My supervisor just called tonight to go over my review with me, bc she just got the job a week ago and got all these reviews dumped in her lap with deadlines. My review had to be in the computer tonight. So, she apologized for calling me at home and im getting paid 15 mins for the phone conversation about my review. Not a bad deal. I am getting a .40 cent raise and my review was good. I'm excited about that. Jeremy tells me if i get too many more raises like that, he is gonna have to quit and apply at walmart, bc, well he has been at his job a bit over a year and has got no raises. Im creeping up close to him in pay....lol. ON sundays, when i work, i will be making .90 less than him. That's not really cool, when ya think about it. And then you have all these ppl bitching about walmart and how they treat their employees. Maybe in some locations, but not where i am working. If i would have been working anywhere else during my recent depression slump, i would have been fired. And I get paid for the time on the phone just to get my review. They are sticklers about working off the clock. if i am punched out and walking to my car and a customer stops me to ask something, i am supposed to fill out a time adjustment sheet so i get paid for that few mins i was talking to the customer.

Anyway, I just called my dad (he works nights) to have him leave a note for mom to call me when she gets up. He even agrees that it wouldn't be a good idea for the kids to be around them being that they are going up to gmas and will expose everyone to flu. I am almost certain that is what she has. She ran a low grade fever last night and then tonight she is puking. She has been coughing miserably and i have kept her home from school the past two days. There is nobody to watch her as i don't want anyone getting sick....kwim? looks like i may have to do Thanksgiving dinner here for us....if she is still sick. That will absolutely suck, as i have to work 12-4. Guess it would mean getting up extra early to start a turkey and all that and have it so that dinner would be ready around 6. Yuck. I have never had a holiday meal that damn late. Guess i could always opt for a rotisserie chicken from out deli and then just make up some side dishes. Guess we will have to see.

I feel wide awake now. grrrrrrrr. so sorry if i am rambling. But it's almost midnight and there isn't a soul awake that i know to call and ramble to. And we don't have cable tv right now...so nothing to watch there.

Ok, ill stop now and find something else to occupy my time with. Ill spare you all of my aimless rambles. night all....Oh, one last thing. I would like to send thoughts and prayers out to Jennifer from kroger and her fiance, Josh. They just lost their baby the other day. His funeral was today. I just found out today. She was due in December, but went into labor and he was still born. They are a young couple (20-21) and this was their first child. They had the nursery all done and everything ready and waiting for him to come home. My heart just aches for them. May they find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!

Long night

Both kids are sick :( I was getting ready to head to bed around midnight and they both woke up from coughing so hard. So, i was out on the couch with both of them, after I gave them some medicine. Seb wouldn't let me put him down. I finally took him to our bed, but Jeremy was laying diagnal in the bed and I'll be damned if you can get him to move..he sleeps like a brick. I asked him, pushed him...i got a couple inches out of it. So, i put seb next to him and i layed at the other end of the bed, on very edge. I slept like that for a lil bit, before Makenneh came in wanting me. Then, i was back out to the couch. Anyway, it's been a long night, up with kids, interrupted sleep, all the good stuff. I hope i can sleep in at least one of the next two mornings. It would make me so very happy.

Well, i need to get off here. Im in charge of the Christmas party on my dad's side and i have to draw the names for everyone and get invites out so they know who they have to buy for. Ill be back later=)

Just Checking In

Been a busy few days...And we had no power thurs and friday...so we weren't at home. But, all is well now. Jeremy is over the money thing..he realizes now that things are gonna be fine and he was just worry too much.

I have today thru tues off and return to work on Wednesday and from there on will be quite busy with the holiday shoppers. We are supposed to get an extra 10% for employees soon and I think I will do most of my shopping then. Everyone on my list will be getting Walmart stuff...lol. For the most part anyway. I need to clean out my room so i have a spot to put all the gifts to hide until Christmas. Makenneh is getting too big now to just pile them up. They are gonna need to be hidden a bit at least.

Went to the laundromat yesterday t0 catch up all the laundry..it's rediculous how much it costs to do laundry there. Can't wait to get the dryer in here. My uncle is supposed to do that today for me. My friends mom gave me her mom's old dryer...just gotta get it over here.

Well, I am off here for now....we forgot the hampsters at grandmas (makenneh wanted to take them) so im going back over there to get them.

later

run, run, run

that's all i seemed to do today. I can't complain though. I drove to two different places to pick up stuff i got from freecycle.org. One was a computer for the kids. The other was 2 hampsters. I couldn't resist the hampsters. Makenneh's had gotten misused by the cat...now we have no cats, so i figured we may as well try again..this time they were free and best yet, they were hand raised and hand fed, so they are pretty friendly. And they are dwarf hampsters. I went to mom's after i did that running...and left htere in time to get Makenneh to school. I no sooner pulled into my parking spot and my cell was ringing. It was my aunt needing a ride home from work. She works downtown flint (just started). So, i had to head right back out to the same area i had just been earlier today to pick up the hampsters. Got back from that and had about 45 mins to spare before heading up to meet my mom for some money before going to get Makenneh from school. Ugh! Now, I am trying to catch up on here, color with Makenneh and get her wound down for bed. i have to work 9-4 tomorrow. I kinda hate morning shifts, only because it means getting the kids up and ready as well as myself...and to a sitter, all before work. Anyway....ho hum.

Tomorrow is payday at walmart, although, I really don't think im getting a check. I think this is the payperiod i was off work. bummer. that means 2 more weeks before a paycheck for me. And i have to admit that we really haven't started Christmas shopping. every year, i have the great intentions of starting early, but it just never seems to happen. I have picked up a couple things here and there; mostly stocking stuffers, but that's it. Bad me. And it is hard for me to find things for Sebastian. Makenneh is so much easier to buy for, bc she is a bit older, has likes, wants, etc. Sebastian is 19 months, doesn't express wants, not really "into" anything except Barney. I am having a hard time coming up with a main gift for him. Makenneh is another story..i have several ideas...from a karaoke machine (which gpa howart actually got her that one system that they can actually see themselves singing on the tv, so i don't really need to get her a karaoke machine now), instruments of any and all sorts, a doll...and then there are all the hundreds of things she sees in ads that she wants, too! I do think she needs to get a lot of art supplies bc she loves to draw and it keeps her busy for long periods of time. She needs stacks and stacks of paper, bc she sure does go through it. That and envelopes. Bc she has to put her pictures in 'lopes. And tape. She tapes things like crazy. I think I just found a way to pack her stocking that is sooo darn huge....tape, glue sticks, paper, markers, etc.

Well, I have to move on to other things and work on getting to sleep...besides, i have had a phone call interrupt my post and now makenneh is being a whine butt, bc it really is past her bedtime!